Sept. 10, 2019

POF09: Peaceful Discipline

POF09: Peaceful Discipline

I’m asked all the time what punishments parents should use and when should kids be punished.    Well…In short, I don’t believe in punishments.  I don't believe in them because I think it distracts from the important reasons...

I’m asked all the time what punishments parents should use and when should kids be punished.    Well…In short, I don’t believe in punishments.  I don't believe in them because I think it distracts from the important reasons WHY your child is acting the way they are.   

When I talk about peaceful parenting, it’s parenting without punishment and it doesn't mean that sometimes there isn’t a need for what you would call natural consequences.   What I talk about in this episode is about how to peacefully connect with your child by putting the relationship first.  BUT, this doesn’t mean that it's a free-for-all for your child.  Your kids do not run the show!  Parent need to be the ones in charge, the ones that sets the boundaries the expectations. This issue becomes muddied and difficult for parents because when their child is behaving in a way they don't want does, something rude or destructive, talks back or just us something bad, parents usually go to punish because they don’t have any other tools.  In this podcast, I give you the tools to not punish, to seek to understand your child’s behaviour and if absolutely necessary, create a natural consequence. 

About Robbin McManne

 

Robbin is a Certified Parent Coach, author and speaker.  She works with parents from all over the world to help them build more connection and find more joy and cooperation to their parenting.

Robbin is a former ‘Angry Mom’ and for over 12 years, Robbin juggled a full-time corporate career while being a mom and wife, prior to becoming a Parenting Coach.  In her corporate career, Robbin has a background in marketing and public relations, training, and event planning. She understands firsthand how many moms struggle to balance work and family.

 

It’s because of her struggles as a parent that she found the world of peaceful parenting and has dedicated her life to teaching parents how to build a strong family, so their kids thrive. 

Robbin’s work focuses on building and strengthening the parent child relationship so that children grow up with resilience, confidence and strong emotional intelligence.  She works with parents to help them understand their own emotions and frustrations in parenting, so they can help build their children’s sense of self without losing themselves in the process!

 

In October of 2018 Robbin released her first book, “The Yelling Cure – How stress less and get your kids to cooperate without threats & punishments.” Her book is being read by parents all over the world 1000,000 copies sold to date.

 

Robbin divides her time working with her clients, speaking at events and spending time with her two boys and husband.  You can usually find her at a hockey rink or sports field cheering on her boys.  Most importantly, Robbin has changed the way she parents and connects with her sons and is dedicated to helping parents find the same joy, connection and cooperation in their families.

 

www.yellingcurebook.com

Robbin@parentingforconnection.com

www.parentingforconnection.com

www.facebook.com/parenting4connection

www.instagram.com/robbinmcmanne_parentcoach

 

From the Podcast:

Look at your child’s behaviour as secondary.  Focus on what’s driving the behaviour first. 

 

Follow these steps:

  1. go to your child and call out the behaviour. Say:

“wow you must be really angry right now”

“I know you're feeling really disappointed right now” 

“I can see that my answer makes you very angry”

“it looks like you have lots of energy!”

  1. Validate what they are feeling and reiterate why you are holding this boundary. Say:

“I know you're angry/upset/disappointed, but this is something that just isn't allowed”

“it looks like you really want to bounce the ball but we can’t do that in the house”

“I know you're upset I know you're disappointed and I bet that feels really hard. Right?  - for more suggestions on Empathy, see episode 5 of my podcast “Level up your parenting using empathy.”

Pro tip:  you know I want you to really make sure that this is a battle that you're willing to pick.  If you are holding a boundary, make sure this is a hard no that won’t change to a yes just because they wore you down!  

  1. Find solutions together. Say:

“I know this doesn’t feel fair, how can we work this out?”

“it looks like you really want to bounce that ball, lets go outside together to do it!”

“I bet we can find some really fun things to do outside instead!”

 

  1. Child beyond solutions = natural consequences. maybe your child is beyond solutions and maybe they continue to dig into the behaviour or go back to it after you have sorted it out (or thought you did).  

Son:  “I want some hot chocolate!”

Mom:  “Was that a question?”

Son:  “Get it for me!”

Mom:  “would you like to ask me nicely?”

Son: “NO!”

Mom: “well I know you really want hot chocolate, but I won't be able to give it to you unless you can speak to me in a polite way.  In our family we don't talk to each other that way; we use manners.  Can you ask me again?”

Son: “NO!  I want it now!!”

Mom:  “Ok, well, it looks like you don’t want to talk to me in a polite way so when you are ready, I’ll make you the hot chocolate.  Come get me when you are ready.”

 

Thanks for listening!

It means so much to me that you listened to my podcast! If you would like to continue the conversation with me, head on over to www.facebook.com/parenting4connection  With this podcast, my intention is to build a community of parents that can have open and honest conversations about parenting without judgement or criticism.  We have too much of that!  I honour each parent and their path towards becoming the best parent they can be.  My hope is to inspire more parents to consider the practice of Peaceful Parenting. If you know somebody who would benefit from this message, or would be an awesome addition to our community, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.

 

Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!

 

Subscribe to the podcast

If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe on the podcast app on your mobile device.

 

Leave a review

I appreciate every bit of feedback to make this a value adding part of your day. Ratings and reviews from listeners not only help me improve, but also help others find me in their podcast app. If you have a minute, an honest review on iTunes goes a long way! Thank You!!