PATRICIA KAINE, MD - The Hope Peddler

Hi, I'm Tammy Gross, the Scriptprenuer. Welcome to Reel Life Stories where difference makers come to share their Hollywood worthy transformation stories. I love interviewing people who faced a mountain, overcome it the hard way, and figured out a solution to help the rest of us conquer that same mountain. Because when we share our stories, we change lives.

All right. So we have a guest today that I think are going to love. I love this woman. She has been amazing. She's she's been, she's been in a course that I've been doing. And I've seen her in so many different things with speakers, and she keeps up hearing and she has so much to offer. She's really amazing. Her name is Patricia Kaine. And he is what we call the hope pedaler. Patricia Kaine is an MD, and she's an inspirational speaker who's able to get an audience meaningfully engaged in learning alternative behaviors and coping strategies. And I can attest to that because we were just having a conversation where she was doing exactly that. She's dedicated to using her knowledge and experience in curtailing the current suicide epidemic by reaching out to colleges and universities with methods to thwart suicide, or devolves into a crisis, which my goodness after COVID and everything that's been happening in the world the last couple of years. This is the kind of person we need out there isn't it and she has quite the story to tell. You know, I there's so many impressive things about her, I'll just give you one little impressive thing that is just like just one of the zillion things that she's a multi recipient of the strathmore is who's who worldwide, to the point where it's like every year, and it's like, it's getting boring, she's just so she's so well known and so respected in her field. And her field is an expanse actually. So I just want to say, welcome, Patricia to the show.

Thank you.

And I'm so glad to be here.

I love what you do. And I'm sure your audience is going to be receptive. And that to me is we need to get the message out. And the biggest thing I would love to do is to have them want to learn the butterfly map, which is what I call what I do. And I'll get to why in a minute. Because not only for the colleges, but that I can only concentrate on one audience at a time. But for anybody in their life, who may be thinking negatively, so that they can be turned around. Because that to me is so important. I started with First of all, let me read the reason why I call it the butterfly method. Because if about a butterfly, they start out as a caterpillar. As a caterpillar, I perceived myself because I do have suicide ideation. As my value was to be turned into fertilizer, at least I'm useful. But I wouldn't be alive yet. But I've got there's something about me always needing to be useful and always needing to give. And from that, to rapidly go into a cocoon. And a caterpillar totally transformed in the cocoon, he actually turns to goo before it comes out to be a butterfly. And then the come out with butterfly and people love to see butterflies much more than they love to see the caterpillar, of course. And that's what I do is I go from the caterpillar into the cocoon come out as a butterfly in the time it takes to go to the bathroom.

Yep, and the time that it takes to go to the bathroom. I you know, the first time I met you, you told me that whole thing and and gave me the visuals and everything. And that's where I was like hooked. You're just you have a very interesting way of looking at it. But the reason you even came up with this, and the reason that you're doing all the things that you're doing in the world is because you just touched on it for a second is that there's a suicide. What is it? Is it like a what's the word that

I use that you're exposed besides ideation In other words, your ideation thought before you're putting a plan into place. This is to get people upstream from where they need a hotline so that less people need a hotline hotlines are valuable and they're absolutely shouldn't be used if you need it. But many times they get overwhelmed because of the suicide epidemic. That yeah, but if we can get some people out of that stream before they need it. The people who do need it will be able to be better are served.

And that is so important in the whole, just in anything that has to do with suicide, it's all in the prevention. It's all in what happens ahead of time seeing the signs and everything. You have an amazing story. And I want to bring you back to, you know, your earlier years When this became an issue in your family. And for you personally. So start us at the beginning, wherever it is that you want to start as the kind of tells us a little bit about your background

there. There have been several suicides in my family. But the one that touched me the most was when my sister in her 20s committed suicide. That when you were young, when this whole Yeah, to I'm about a year and a half older than her. Right. Yeah. So I also was in my 20s at the time, yeah. And that that was over 40. That was over 45 years ago. But it's still you can tell it's still raw.

Yeah, for sure.

So knowing the pain that's left behind, when a person commits suicide, it's hard to explain it in a way who's to a person who's thinking about it. The fact that they are going to cause so many people so much more pain at that doesn't cross their mind. It's just what they're going through that's on their mind at the time.

Yeah, and they were so deep into it. You know, the thing that I always hear that makes so much sense is that like, don't give a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But to them, it's overwhelming. It's more than just temporary. It's like this is everything. And when I

write what I say with the butterfly method is this faiz you time it doesn't solve the problem. Exactly. But if you've got time to solve the problem, you don't have to go over the falls into the suicide. Thoughts. lost somebody? Plant?

We Yeah, exactly. Because whenever whenever somebody does make that decision, they're making their own decision. And and they might even be thinking about other people, but they can't possibly fathom just what the ramifications are. I mean, there's, there's a commercial that is brand new, that I don't normally pay attention to commercials. But before my TV and my internet and everything went off last night, there was this commercial that I hadn't seen before. And it was really about I think it might have been about drinking and driving maybe or something I'm not even sure what it was. All I know is that it was about somebody who you know, who died, but they start the commercial with all this wonderful stuff that's happening in the world. And then all the people in that world start disappearing because this one person made a decision, just like a suicide would do. You make a decision. And suddenly, there's no there's no future marriage. There's no future children. There's no future grandchildren's, there's no future differences being made in the world because of your decision on this one night for this one thing. And that's that that is that's obviously, you know, what you've experienced, you've had 45 years without your sister, and you've had other family members that you've lost as well. And I know that that's all totally impacted you so when did When did all of this like culminates did it didn't happen? Like right away? I mean, did you know that after she was gone, that now you you want to do something about it? Or did it take you a little while

I live a bear very busy life. I'm five children. I was a school teacher before I became a physician. I am a master at multitasking. At one time, I prided myself of being able to consciously do five things at one time and keep track of all of that. We're not suggesting that but I'm saying I fit into our world where everybody is multitasking today. To a great extent. Yeah, um, about a few years after my sister's suicide, I became very much I was at a point where my life was very negative. I was married to an alcohol like things were not going the way they're supposed to. And I was considering suicide, just the thoughts, but I could not do to my children and leave them with the pain that my sister left everybody with. I don't know how much pain everybody else has. But like I say, for me, it's very real and very raw even to this day. So I elected to voluntarily go into a hospital and Add Wow. One of the people in the hospital in the pre edition when this was just being considered, introduced me to progressive relaxation. And I, okay, progressive relaxation in my, what I do. And the different things that I have learned from this book became so vital that when I was in my residency, the residency program stopped them because I was suggesting to so many people that they go out and get this. And so they were able to under way out, they're able to pick up a copy at cost without having to pay the markup. So, wow. And so that goes back to 79. When this

all went, Okay, so

when I started developing it, and bit by bit, piece by piece, oh, this fits this would be well, that started out with the progressive relaxation, went to deep breathing, because that slows everything down. And I'll go into a little bit more, but I added an ad, it was about 1990 When this was all really perfected down to an art of what to do and how to do it. And so for over 25 years, what 90 Over 30

Yeah, 30 years now. Yeah, right. Yeah.

I have never had to write a suicide as to cause of death on a patient. We've had no further suicides in my family. And up till that point, I had two paternal aunts, two maternal cousins besides my sister, so it was very prevalent. I have not been rehospitalized in that time. And I had had four hospitalizations between the late 70s In the late 80s. So

I'd say you found something that really works. Yeah. And then you're putting it into practice. You know, a lot of people claim that what they do really works, but boy, that that is proof in that pudding for sure. I mean, wow, that too many people can say that. And to be able to say that about something so important. I mean, lives are at stake here. Wow, that's amazing.

I've, I've done it always one on one, or with a small group only until November of 19. And why is that so important? Yeah, it's going to come out very, evidently. So I'm just going to bring it up front. I am a strong Christian. And at church, they had the gospel of the talents, where the one had five talents, and one had two and the one was one buried his talent. In prayer that night, it came to me, do you want to happen to you what happened to the servant who buried his talent? That was a that's why it's so powerful to me, kind of like my sister suicide is very powerful to me. And so I prayed about it and whatnot. And it was very strongly that I was to make it more public about the fact that this method that works so that more people in society could be have access to what than what I as an individual would have access to.

And how Divine is that? Because what happened after November of 2019, of course, oh, COVID hits a couple months later. So they actually,

I actually got my I took a speak speaking course, certified in February of 20. And COVID, hit March of 20. Exactly. Wow. Oh, originally, I was going to go to college campuses as part of their admitted mission type week and cruces people. Well, God hit so I went lands and I've been on Zoom. Now the method is not only in the United States, but it's at least one person in Canada, at least one in Scotland, England, Israel, the Philippines, Australia, and the United States that I'm aware of. So, so, like I say, that wasn't my intention. And a lot of the thing that I had reservations about is my father's still alive. And I didn't know how my going public on such a sensitive issue was going to affect him. Exactly. I got his blessing nap. If this was what I was called to do, he would not do anything to Do hendrerit

that is amazing because I know that that Yeah, we don't have time to get deep into that part of the story, but I know that yeah, he he had a lot of have probably had some guilt and everything about everything that happened, you know, right there in the thick of it. It was his daughter. And there were things going on.

But not only dad, my dad is very much of a when I got divorced, he was gonna disown me because our family doesn't do things like that. Right? I was,

he was an alcoholic, too.

No one was my husband. That was my

dad's dad had his he had my dad had no values

exactly. When you get married to get married for life, etc. Yeah. And because this would be a stain on the family he was put rather disown me didn't have a stain on the family. While a day. Imagine how admitting to being suicidal would be as a stain.

Yeah, exactly. And here he is, all these years later. I mean, it's amazing that he's still alive. How old is he now is 90. Wow. That is amazing. And, and he's and he's at that point, you know that he can mentally absorb all that and say, yes, he's

better at the with the internet than I am for him coming up with the 50/55 class reunion because of the past 55 years since I graduated from high school. And there were several people, there's about 15 yet we've lost track of he has already found five of them for us.

Good Wow. Internet sleuth

through been through his internet. What he does, because he does a lot with family and trust tree and things like that. He's just learned to do that until at 96 to find people that have been lost for who knows how long.

That's pretty cool. Yeah, he's pretty, he's pretty savvy, your whole family is pretty impressive. I mean, your family is obviously such an important part of everything that it has to do with who you are, the family you grew up in the family you raised and family that you now surround yourself with, whether they're related or not, you know, you are obviously a person who really values that. And that's part of what drives you. And I love that and I love that your faith drives you, you know, just, that's, that's amazing. I'm also a Christian and I and and never feel apologetic about that. We all have our different beliefs and everything. But that's a driving force and in what you do, and I love the story, I love the parable of the talents have always loved that because I've, I've been accused of like, okay, you're not singing anymore. Why aren't you singing? You know? And so it's like, I'm always reevaluating, you know, where am I using my talents, and I gotta make sure that I'm, I'm putting myself out there the way that God wants me to put myself out there and you are doing that. But

with that also people are they're saying, Well, why aren't you X, Y, and Z. And they're all important, and they're all valuable? Sure. And I will turn around and I can now very comfortably say, because I was given this talent, not that one. And I've got to use a talent I was given and you're supposed to use the one that you were given. So both needs are met.

Absolutely. And I'm glad you are doing that. Because you know, you're you're saving lives, which is just totally great. You know, most of us have somebody in our life that we've lost. I've, I've lost several people, but in my family, I've lost one person and that was fairly recently. And that was a shock. It was a total shock. You know, I really, I wish that I had known you at the time beforehand, because I think you'd have had another success story on your hands here. But you know, we just didn't see it coming.

Well, and what I'm going to tell people don't look for the common sight. Right, because every one is different. Yeah, yes. You notice somebody is acting differently. Find out what's going on. It may be I won the lottery. That's why I'm being super frivolous with my whatever. But this is a story that nobody would believe except it is real. Girl used to dress you know, in like the black and everything. You know, I forget that that's called

the God. Yeah.

He started the Gothic that's it. And she started wearing different clothes to school every day. And thanks to the influence, somebody asked her why? She said, Because I'm going to kill myself in three weeks. And I want to wear each of my outfits one last time, before I do, there was no other indication that she was even thinking suicide. All you had to do there, as a person who is Gothic starts wearing something different, it's not considered a risk of suicide. My recommendation is, if somebody is different, if something is going on different, find out why it can be something serious like that. It can be they won the lottery, it can be death, they came down with pneumonia, they just don't have the energy. You know, but find out why. And work to see if there's a way that you can help direct, the why to go away.

I love that, you know, just just asking, that is such a big deal. I mean, with my cousin, we knew we knew that he was sad about we'd lost a couple of friends. And so and one guy was really influencing him. But I never knew because I wasn't there. Just how much and I'm sure that people who were close to him, were doing everything they could, but they probably just didn't see it coming. But that is cool. Because it also makes you connect with people, it just makes you connect, even if there's nothing bad going on. It's like, I want to know, why are you suddenly you know, you know, whistling every time you walk by my house, you know, that, you know, find out because it's a great way to get to know somebody as well as possible, really help them

and in the thing is, if you don't know you can't help. Exactly. And if it's if they won the lottery, you can say here's a good cause. Because any direction as to what to do with their money.

Yeah, well, you know, what I love is that is that you do want to help and you do want to know why and and you want people to help themselves to you know, you have this butterfly method that you would already kind of walk us through just a little bit, you know, there's more to it, obviously. But it is that simple. That's just you know, you just go through the metamorphosis process, the time that it takes to go to the bathroom, and and then you have a gift for everybody so that they can like start kind of monitoring themselves a little bit. Can you call it the mood chart, which I'm very excited to get? We're putting it in the in the, in the show notes we're putting making sure that we have that. And it's a butterfly future. Is it? Yes, butterfly future.com.com. That's also how they want to get ahold of you.

a hopeful future is butterflies are hopeful. And that gives you a bit of a for a hopeful future. Just the whole peddler. Right, exactly. This is a vertical month on the mood chair. Yeah, so it's not anything that's excessive, that's gonna take a lot of time. But it's easy to be able to say, and my rule of thumb is three days in a row. Look for help.

Exactly. That that's actually that's a good rule of thumb. That's that. I mean, it's good to have even that kind of like something like that to look for pattern.

Everybody has a bad day. I admit I had one earlier this week. The underground grads where I parked the garage, the collapsed, I had policemen at my door at between 230 and three in the morning, because we had to move up. And I didn't know that that was the reason the pool where I normally exercise also was closed for equipment failure. And it was like what I was looking for and for a way of helping to fund mob what my project Yep, fell through. So all of that happened in a matter of three days. Bad day. Yeah, yeah, day, right. But I knew about it because of the mood chart, I turned around and reach out to a couple friends. I said, Hey, I'm just having a bummer day. You know, not that I needed anything from them. But just I had to share to get it off. I did the butterfly method about five times in a 48 hour period, because of the fact that kept me going. And did I need to go back on meds? No. Do I need anything beyond that? Now? Am I back to being my usual self? Yes, it works.

I like that. And I can see lots of ways you can actually use that in the chart. Like if you're, if you're a little worried about your spouse, you could kind of do the mood chart for them, kind of monitor them a little bit and then see Is it time to ask them what's going on or whatever. I mean, there's a lot of ways you can use it and so simple. So I appreciate that a lot. But before we leave, okay, I just want to ask you one one question that I always ask everybody. And that is if money were not an issue at all. I mean, you just had zillions and zillions of dollars at your hands. How would you I think you already are but how would you live out your legacy so that you have a legacy to leave behind?

I would fund programs to get the butterfly method as universal Well as the ABCs for heart problems, or the hybrid mover for choking problems, the butterfly method for mental challenges, so that it was really?

Yeah, I love that. Oh, let's let's let's make that happen. I, I totally love that. And also, you said so many things that I feel like could have been your mantra. But do you have any final words that you want to leave everybody with everybody who's been listening, they've absorbed a lot of information about about the the whole, you know, way to treat people that might be suicidal, and everything that you've gone through in your life. Is there any last thought that you want to make sure everybody kind of can take home from this? Yes.

Before you ask or say, ask yourself a couple questions. Is it kind? Is it necessary? And will it bring joy to the world?

Perfect, and I like how there's a little deep, it was like a little magical, angelic thing. Thank you so much, Patricia. And I have a feeling we'll have more to talk about in the future. But this has been wonderful. Have a great day. Thank you.

And there is at Yeah, my website is how to reach out to me. I'm going to go to now, if you reach out by phone, because my phone number is there, you have to leave a message. Because I don't answer phone calls that I don't know. But with a message, I will answer it. I will return to it.

Me too. That's the world we live in. Now. It's like don't don't just call and expect us to want to call you that you can leave a message. Right? I appreciate it so much. There's

too much spam on the that comes through the phone these days. My time is my time was spent as I prefer to use my time with my family and spreading kindness and getting people out of the suicide river rather than answering spam.

Agreed 100%. Thank you, and we'll talk soon.

Sounds good. Like, take care of Tammy and thanks for all you do. You're an asset to the world

thing, you