Collecting True Friends – Be A Magnet to Those Worthy of Your Time & Devotion - REPLAY - | RR271

Hello everyone, and welcome to the relationships

rural podcast. I'm your host, Janice Porter, and I have a

wonderful guest with me today. Of course. Her name is Elizabeth

Duncan Hawker. She comes to us all the way from Virginia,

Norfolk City, Virginia, and I think she affectionately is

known as the Red Hawk, which I can tell by her beautiful red

hair. Welcome Elizabeth to the podcast. Oh, Janice,

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: it's such a pleasure to be here. And

I have listened to so many of your podcasts with relationships

rule, and I gotta tell you, you were one of the best podcasters

I've seen it. It's been, I mean, I always learned something from

it. So thank you for being kind enough to have me here today.

Oh, it's my pleasure. And after that comment

and compliment, you can come back anytime. Thank you so much.

I appreciate that. So I want to tell my audience a little bit

about Elizabeth, and then I'm going to let her tell the bigger

story I know, and I'm very excited for her, because her new

book just came out as we speak, I think the end of December,

2020, yep, collecting true friends, and I just have had a

snippet of it, but I have it, and I'm very excited to read the

rest of it. She is an award winning speaker, a best selling

author, and has trained 1000s of professionals to increase their

sales referrals and collaborations, whether she's

coaching from a live or virtual stage or consulting

entrepreneurs and organizations in workshops, her techniques

compel busy leaders to hit higher goals. I always like

that, because I think it's the little nuances that make the

difference, right? And I think that when, when somebody speaks

about, we used to call these soft skills, right, networking

skills and and connecting skills, but they're really more

than that. So first of all, I want to ask you, how did you

come to this? Because you worked in corporate, right for

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: 2025, years, I was in doing strategy

and business development. And it was funny, because then six

years ago, when I went out to be an entrepreneur and start

consulting company, that's where Red Hawk came from. So I named

the business Red Hawk strategic solutions. And then when I was

out networking, because here I am having to do a brand shift. I

mean, everybody had known me as this executive over at this

company, they knew me as that title, and then all of a sudden

I'm working independently. So I had to reinvent myself. You

can't just go on to LinkedIn and post a new profile. They want to

go, what are you doing? You left this and have you lost your

mind? And yes. So that's what I would walk into events Janice,

and then people would go, hey, the Red Hawks here. So that's

what I learned early, like, if that's how you identify me, yes,

she is here and you remembered me. Because in networking,

that's the first rule that we need to know with our soft

skills, is, how do we stand out? How do we be memorable? And my

joke is, when I'm doing the training classes for companies,

I always tell everybody I mean that in a great way. Like, we

don't want to be the person like, Oh, I know him, yes,

person that goes, Oh, I know him. There's a big difference.

So we want to be memorable in a great way. So, yeah, so

networking has taken a big shift, and I I've learned being

in corporate all those years that even though senior

leadership did not believe that we should all be friendly with

one another, because back then, I mean, it was, it was a

different time. I mean, we were taught, you know, you have your

chiefs and you have your senior leaders, and you have your

middle management, and you have your employees, and you can be

friendly, but you don't commingle. And I never followed

those rules. I didn't follow the rules either. Janice about that.

I couldn't be friends with vendors, you know? I mean, I

always kept the line of proprietary and I knew that, you

know you were representing your company and they're representing

yours, but I gotta tell you some of my best friends that are

still my best friends today started because they were

exterior to the business, and that's where, like with

collecting true friends, I've mentioned that so many times in

the book, is like you don't know where your best friend is, or

your best client, or your best colleague, or the person that

you just need to answer that question today is, I mean, they

could be standing right in

front of you. I know you said a couple of things

in there about having to reinvent yourself. I had to do

the same thing coming from corporate as well. And I

remember back in those days, networking was still quite new.

And, you know, I go to a Chamber of Commerce event because that's

where there would be a lot of people, and I could mix and

mingle and let them know who I was and what I did, not that we

care what I did. But I want to say this for for a reason, is

that I made. Sure, I figured out really quickly how to work a

room, because I guess I'm an extrovert in so many ways. So I

figured out how to work the room to my advantage, but also coming

from an honest place, because that I'm a heartfelt a heart

driven person, and it was who interested me, who I was curious

about those kinds of thing, but I got the reputation of, Oh, you

want to meet someone, or you don't know who that is, ask

Jana, she knows everybody and beautiful. So that was really

important for me, that people could see that I was a

connector, and that's what I loved to do. But it's not a

natural thing for everybody. So you know, first of all, let's

look at, you know, what would you say, generally speaking, you

know, are the three top things you need to be aware of. Let's

say when you go networking.

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: Well, it depends on if we're virtual.

So let's start with Facebook. Let's talk universally between

the two. So the first thing is and, and I also have this on my

website. I think you'll be able to have it. So there's the

seven, seven top secrets to how to connect effectively. And one

of the very first top secrets is that I tell everybody, and they

laugh, but I tell them, I'm like, fix your face, and I don't

fix your lipstick if you're a woman, or comb your hair if

you're a guy. I mean, how are you how if I look across the

room at you, or if I look across zoom with you, this is

universal. Am I seeing a face of annoyance? Am I seeing a

seriously and you know what I'm talking about, like, right? And

there's so many times that we want to talk to somebody, or

engage with somebody, or go and chat and zoom, and then we're

looking at them, and we're thinking, I don't know if

they're approachable or how about this? If you had this

happen, you'll say something, and then someone will make a

face. And you know what? I always when I was standing up in

front of, you know, audiences teaching this stuff, I say they

might be making a face because they have a bunion, right? There

might be their back. Maybe they were throwing their two year old

kid around last night, and now their backs killing them, and

they just move forward and they're like, Oh, right. And we,

we think everything is about us, so as humans, and so the number

one thing is, fix your face. Make sure you're approachable.

If you do go to a face that's like annoyance face, or you are

you, you know, make sure you recover that, you know. The The

other thing too is that, remember that follow up is,

that's an that's the second biggest one. I'm going to boil

down my top three. But follow up so you and I, me, for example,

we were introduced by somebody else, if I never did anything

with that. Nothing would have happened today, and your

listeners would not be here, and you would have thought, well,

that's weird, because I reached out to her and everything. Now,

for example, though I will, I will tell the quick story

though, you know, last month we all had the covid thing. The

first thing I did when I started with you too is I followed up

with apologizing that I was not more prompt. So if this the

third rule, I would say is that if you have not done what you

were supposed to do with somebody, let them know why.

That's the third rule because, because people are very

forgiving. But if you don't communicate and tell them like,

Hey, I know I was supposed to send that report to you, or I

thought I was supposed to do that introduction for you, or I

didn't get the thing in the mail right. Just tell them be honest,

you know, but don't overlook it, because they might have needed

that. And I've had this happen to me many times. They may have

been sitting there going, Okay, well, it's a Friday. They said

they were going to get that to me. I'll have that by Monday,

and I can incorporate that in my next thing I'm doing. And then

if I don't hear from the person, then I think, Oh, are they

unreliable? Do they not want to communicate with me? So people

start telling ourselves stories so, so fix your face. That's the

funny way of just saying, like, okay, pay attention. How are you

showing up? How do you look from a distance? Do you look like you

don't want people to talk to you and on Zoom, that's applicable

too. And then also make sure you follow up with anybody that

you've been introduced to or you've met or on the number

three, if you've promised to do something which was a follow up,

or I was supposed to send you something, if you're late, it's

okay, but make sure you get back with the people and tell them,

because we want to be respected at the end of the day. You do

those three things, you're golden because, because then you

become memorable. Remember we started with it. We want to be

memorable in a great way, not memorable for Oh, yeah.

Great tips. Thank you. So you actually made me

think of a couple of things there, and one of them is a

topic I know is near and dear to you, and that that you know I've

spent I told you before we went online that it's been snowing

here like crazy, and we're not used to that and but that's just

one reason. There are other. Reasons as well, where since

covid And I've always been working from home, but I used to

go out to events and or meet people for lunch just to get out

of the house right find that I'm isolated and I'm in the house

all day, maybe four days in a row, and I don't realize I

haven't gone anywhere. It's terrible, and I I think that all

day long, I'm talking to people, and mostly on zoom so I'm seeing

people. I feel like I'm, you know, interacting. I'm I'm not

quietly by myself all day. However, when I sit back at the

end of the day, in the evening, watching TV, knitting, talking

to my husband, watching the ball game, not the Dallas Cowboys,

but I know that's your biggest I feel kind of isolated, and I

realized that at that time that, my God, I haven't been out For

days, there's a different feeling. So

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: absolutely, we're

networking, but it's transitioned, and it's

hurting in some ways. Do you want to speak to that a little

bit

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: it is, and you know why? And hey, I

feel like the student I got the answer for that call of me

calling me when we are in person and we we are in a group of

people, you and I, if we haven't seen each other in a while, you

know we we animately show that, and remember, 55% of our

communication comes through body language. With zoom, we're

getting this one little square. So you may think that you know

how I feel about seeing you, but there is beyond a doubt, no

question if I'm in person with you, because you can also feel

my energy, and that's, I think that's one of the biggest things

that you're missing, and I know I miss is that because I'm an

extrovert, but even the introverts, when we're locked

into even our offices or we're forced to work remotely

constantly, and we don't get back out at the water cooler,

and we're not bumping into someone to get our cup of

coffee. There's no physical energy exchange and and that,

that's the one part to it. The second part is, is that when we

are in a different environment, we can actually pull each other

aside, and that's when this is where the beauty of it comes

that's when we can have a real connection. That's where we have

the real conversation. It's not the superficial stuff that we're

doing on Zoom. It's not the the we're sitting at the table if

we're at a live event and we're just chit chatting because other

people are listening, but we can actually physically extract

ourselves separately, and when we get that private moment with

one another. That's when we are opening ourselves up to our

heart opens, our mind opens, and it's a choice we make. How much

do I want to share with you? How much do you want to share with

me? But when we have that intimacy to share, then Janice,

then that is the moment, then all of a sudden, we don't feel

like we're lonesome anymore. My mom calls it low lonesome, and

that's why people can be within a whole room of people and feel

lonely because they're not having that private

conversation, even just that five minutes to be able to tell

somebody, you know what this month was something my daughter

graduated. My grandchildren did this. The dog did if we you

know, stuff that I wouldn't normally tell people, right? Or

I could say, or this month was really hard, and can I do you

have a moment? Can I tell you about it? And somebody's

listening? We don't get that. We don't get that enough when we're

remote right now, and it's tough, and it's and that's why

we used to like to go to our mailbox, and I think you're

snowed in, but down here, down down here in the South and in

Virginia Beach, you know, we'll see people walking their dog out

front or, you know, we'll go to the mailbox. Hey, how are you?

We get caught up. But I feel their energy. And when we have a

real conversation, it's really

true. And I think, okay, so when I first met

you on Zoom. I could feel your energy. So I can feel it because

you're outgoing and you're bubbly, and, you know, we think

alike. So I could tell that right away. And I think you have

to be a good judge of character to be able to do that number one

and and so I feel like I just had my tarot cards read online,

like this woman was amazing. And in fact, I won it at a meeting

in the fall, in in December or November, which is the meeting I

was telling you about. So she does like prizes and stuff

that's kind of fun. Anyway, she was very much energy driven

through the zoom, which was, you know, that's her things, this

woman that did that. Okay, but so when we're networking online,

and we go into these breakout rooms, and there they are really

kind of superficial, I think what's really important.

Important is to be able to pick up on the people you you're

curious enough about to want to know more, and then do that

follow up that's so important that you mentioned, and book

that one on one, so you can actually dive a little bit

deeper with people, because that's the only way you're going

to develop any kind of relationship.

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: Totally agree. And one of the things I

love to do, like, if we're on virtual, is I listen big thing.

Everybody needs to listen right now, right? And that's why

podcasts are so great, because people don't want they don't

they don't need the visual like we do. And I'm listening to see

what are the responses somebody makes, what is their energy

level? Because we can do an energy check on like, you know,

did were they kind to that person? Did they respond

favorably? Did they get defensive when they when the

speaker said something, I mean, so we can pick up. And then I go

over to the private chat, and then I tell them specifically,

I'm like, Hey, Holly, loved your comment about this kind of

engagement. Or, Hey Steve, I never knew that about House

buying. You know that's really profound. You're really good at

what you do. It's nice to meet you. I'm not asking anything,

but I'm just getting on their radar, showing listening that's

and then in the private chat. But just don't write to somebody

into because then it gets weird. If we just go into and I've had

people do this too in the chat go, Hey, I'm glad you're here,

or I liked what you said. I'm like about what I mean, because

we've been talking for an hour. It's like,

yes, yes.

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: Talk with specificity, just like you

would in person. You wouldn't just walk up to somebody after

you've been in a meeting for an hour and then walk across the

room and just go, Hey, Janice, I liked what you said. You'd be

like that, or I wouldn't just stand there and go, Hey, how are

you today? I mean, you'd go, Great. How are you? I mean, you

know, I I would probably start with something softer, like

that, like, hey, you know what? I love those glasses. That's one

of my favorite is the tortoise, tortoise rims and stuff. You're

really stylish, you know what? What brought you here today? So

I would, I would compliment you, and then I would, then I would

give you an answer to come back to me, and then, oh, I came here

today because, so I'd make it easy for you to start talking to

me. When we just directly ask people how they are. That's

creepy, because it's we, we're like that

happens in the grocery store, right? Hey, I

say, well, not doing very well today, but that's okay. And just

to see if they've listened, yeah, they don't listen to the

answer anyway. So, so when you do, you mostly speak corporately

or like, in associations, things like that, is it, do you like to

get into the bigger corporations? I

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: am I so I speak a lot for universities

and major major events. So I keynote speak it. What's

interesting, though, is entrepreneurs are drawn to me,

and I guess it's because, maybe of my corporate training and

strategy, and then I've been out here for six years running the

Red Hawk consulting, but I have a lot of service industry, and

then, of course, a lot of MLM that over the years I've gotten

to know them. And I think multi layer marketing is a wonderful

world out there. It's, it's, it's a good fit for everybody,

but it's interesting how many people will start in as an

entrepreneur, for example, and they'll go launch their

business, and that's basically what MLM does, too. But they'll

go out there, and then all of a sudden they realize, you know

what, I don't have any training how to talk to people, or I

don't I don't really know what's working or it's not working, so

I'm just going to follow whatever my leader tells me that

I should do, or my boss. And I remember being in corporate

Janice, and my boss telling me to go out and follow up with the

surgeons in the area, and this is how I would approach them.

And I'm thinking, if I did that, if someone came and knocked on

my office practice and wanted I would be like, no, go away. So I

just went okay, and then I would go out there and launch programs

doing the way I would, and I would approach it from

relationship marketing, which is what your whole show is about.

It's like, you know, I would, I would try to figure out, well,

we, you know, what is the thing you need? Doctor, you know, what

is what you know? How can my big company help your company and

make your life easier? And, of course, now, in in entrepreneur

world, we call that pains. But in the corporate world, we

didn't call it pain. We would just say, what are your

challenges? And then we would try to do like the strength,

weaknesses, opportunities and threats. Remember the old SWAT

s, w, o, t thing, so I would do a SWAT study on them and but it

was basically about asking and probing. And then it was

interesting, because you get different answers between the

senior leaders and the people actually doing the work. And

then I would have to develop, like, a hybrid approach, so

planning and strategy. So, yeah, this is that that all has to go

into relationship building. You've got to have a plan.

You've got to know before you get to an event. Who, in fact.

That's one of the things that I'm just posting recently. Is

like, before you even get to an event, you should know basically

what the people are. If you don't know, go look at prior

events, scroll through, look at who's made comments on it. Look

at the images, or go into LinkedIn, check out with it. And

I know you're huge on LinkedIn. I mean, you can learn more on

just who's connected with who on LinkedIn and who's making

comments. Making comments. And then by the time we go to like,

a chamber event or a rotary or a huge Institute presentation, we

know, like, you know what? Here's the people that are on

the board. Here's their followers. I'm probably going to

bump into them. I'd really like to meet Joe, Jane and Jeff,

right? And I'm sure you do that.

This is exactly what I was talking about on a

podcast that I was being interviewed on yesterday. And

this gentleman is he was on my podcast. He will be, and we've

already done the interview, but he is a networker as well. And

we were talking about, I said, the five people I want to meet

at a networking event are the organizer, the registration

people or person big time, the

the speaker and the two people who are the biggest hubs in the

room, so they are the connectors, right? And those are

the people I want to meet, but I need to have done my homework,

just like you said. So you go with intention. And somebody

said, or this gentleman said to me something about someone else

had said to him, if she wants to meet four people, she takes four

business cards. And I said, I don't take any business cards. I

want your business card because now I'm in control and I'm a

control freak, so I want to be able to follow up, not wait for

them to follow up. What's your take on that? Nice

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: I love that and it. And for those that

are listening that that don't understand why you wanted to

meet the people, the receptionist and then the

organizer of events, one of the best ways. And let's go back to

the top of the hour when we were talking about being memorable

you want to have one of the best ways is to compliment somebody,

and just like you would do if you went to their home. Thank

you so much for inviting me. Thank you for putting together

such a well organized event. I really liked the insert the

blank. And when you tell somebody, is that in and I'm

sure there's people that are listening that have put on big

events, and let me tell you, there's a lot of work that goes

into it, and people think it just magically happens. And when

somebody walks up and goes, and I love the little details of

what you did on the table, and then the little this, and then

that, and you're that event person, you are going to be

their instant friend. Same thing with the speaker when you're

talking specificity. So you nailed it there. Janice with you

tell them exactly why they're so good, what you liked about them,

and don't ask anything from them, but make sure they know

your name. So, and I always wear, I have a magnetic name

badge, which is my name on there, but I give them something

to remember. So it's, you know. So, like, maybe I'll, I'll shake

my long red hair, and I'll say, hey, you know the Red Hawk, you

know. And Elizabeth, I live in Virginia, like, Queen Elizabeth,

you know, who was the queen of Virginia? Oh, okay, but I give

them some hook to remember by or then the next time, the other

thing I would say, too, is that, because we really didn't get to

talk about that if we want to be memorable those people that we

just did that with, next time we remind them about something they

told us, that's one of the how's the puppy doing?

That's an art that is a huge art, I know, and

it also means that to make it not look like an art left that

event. You get to your car, you may have their business cards

now, you write this back of your card and put it in your Yeah, in

your CRM, or your Yeah,

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: you're flipping it over, yeah, just,

just got a rescue dog. Daughter won the soccer championship. You

know, wife, wife is in the hospital, you know? I mean,

yeah, you write, you write stuff on there, I mean, and that's the

next time you fall. Oh, and the other thing too, because I know

you're really big with following up with, with the cards and, and

I have done for years too, is, you know, if there's a

milestone, you you send them a card in the mail, you you ask

for their address, or you get it and you send it to their

business and that and or if you don't have that, then you send

them a phone call and just leave. Hey, you know, we met at

the other event, you know, two weeks ago. I just wanted to

follow up. You know, Is your mom doing okay? I knew you were

really worried the last time I saw you. You know, are things

going better? But you don't bring a business just hey, just

now you may want to say, are you going to the such and such event

again, because I'm thinking, I might want to go next month, you

know. And do you think that's a good fit for me? And then so

and, but don't talk anything about what you need. So, right?

But

what you've done is you've asked a question to

elicit further engagement, which I absolutely love, and

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: you're showing that you value their

input. Like, do you think this would be a good fit for me to

come? Back to or somebody said, I should also think about this.

I'll do that with speaking engagements, you know, I'll

finish speaking one, and I'll say, let me know where else I

should be. And then when people come up there, that gives me an

opportunity to call back and say, I know you told me that

this would be a good fit, and I followed up on that. Then some,

one of your other colleagues said this, do you think that's a

good place now that you've heard me present, because then it

shows that I'm listening to them, that I see them as an

expert, right?

These are all gems that you're talking about.

They're gems. They really are. You know, I find that when I'm

doing my LinkedIn training, when I get past the the profile piece

and we get into messaging strategies, I do still, I find

so many people say to me, Well, what should I say in that

message? Right? You know, and even with the cards, when I'm

teaching people how to make sending cards a habit, and I was

doing this with a woman yesterday, and she's an MLM

person, and I love her, and she's had an account for a long

time, but doesn't use it, and she says, Okay, this is a year.

I'm going to use it. And I said to her, the best thing you can

do is make it a habit to say to yourself every day, who needs to

hear from me today? Yes, it doesn't matter if you've spoken

to them recently. Maybe you saw them on Facebook, mate and

something happened. Whatever it is, you need to send at least

one card, preferably three cards a day, because it becomes a

habit, and it becomes easier as you do it. And again, it's, what

do I say? And I said, Well, that's going to come, you know,

we'll we, I help them to start with, but I'm just trying to

make it a habit for them. So it's all thinking

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: of you. It's always a good start. I'm

thinking of we

have the beauty now of being able to say, just

send a postcard where you've put a photo from Facebook of them on

the front of it and on the back say something like celebrating

you fridge worthy, you know, photo memory. It had to happen.

That's it. And you don't even have a full sentence.

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: So we just finished the holiday, I

actually picked up the phone and I called people and thanked them

or texted them for their Christmas cards, because I

usually always send out. And then, of course, I mentioned to

you that, you know, we were, we were tied up with the covid

stuff. But I think texting is another good thing if you know,

people aren't into, you know, the actual, the the transaction

of trying to get a card out, start with texting, start

somewhere that you're used to practicing your skills with. And

the reason why I like that too, though, is that because then

when you I keep the text in a chain, and I will go back,

because it's amazing how short our memory can be, and it will

be like, I will look back four months ago, and I'll go, Oh,

wow. I You know what? I bet the daughter is about ready to

deliver now, you know, or, or her son is now going into

finally going to school or, but my memory, and I have a good

memory, but that's sometimes I'll go back and and some of

them, like, goes back for years and stuff. When I did my book

launch a couple months ago, texting was a huge, huge way for

me to immediately it was more personal. Of course, I did

formal, you know, like I did all the social media and everything

but texting and phone calls, when your voice is engaged, it

just changes. You can also hit audio message on your texting so

like on your DM messages, a lot of people will go into

Instagram, they'll hit they'll go to DM me, and then they just

hold it down, and then record a short snippet to me, and it tell

you what, when, when you're not, when you're not having the best

day. And then you, all of a sudden, you hear somebody's

voice, and they say something like, Hey, you doing okay? I

haven't for me in a while, like, I'm just checking in, like,

because you did, you all just hear how many different

inflections I had on that that's entirely different than reading,

Hi, I'm just checking in. Hope you're doing well, right? I

mean, it's so we all need to hear the voice. If we get can't

see the body, well, you can

take it one step further. You can even on

LinkedIn, and you can send a video message. I need to

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: start doing that. Oh, you're gonna

have to show me how master everybody

that's been around for a little while. And

I've done that where I haven't talked to someone for a while, I

sent a video message, and in this particular mortgage broker

that I'm thinking of immediately sent me a message back and said,

How did you do that? And then he figured it out and sent me one

because it was a standout from the list of messages.

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: Girlfriend, you just like. That was just the

explosion moment. So if everybody you didn't get

anything else today, you got you gotta go try that new tool out

there, and

you're so sweet. Now, okay, we're wrapping up a

little bit. No, I want to give a little bit of time to two

things. One, I want to ask you, I know, you just wrote a book

and a new book, and it's, I love having the actual book, you

know, make notes in it, and and things. Like that, which I've

started to do in the chapter that I got to first, which was

the middle of the book, for some reason anyway. And actually the

chapter title was how to be a magnet to true friends, be the

real deal. And so much of what you talked about today speaks to

that, you know, being authentic, paying attention, listening so

that you can show that you are, you know, speaking from your

heart, because that's really what I think it's about when you

when you want to build friendships with people as as

you do. Where was I going with that? Oh, so what is your

preferred method of gathering information these days? Is it

reading a real book? Is it audio books? Is it podcasts? Is it

videos, on YouTube? What do you do the most? Where do you what's

your first go to you

know, I love articles under accredited sources. So you

know, coming from a clinical world, we were all about white

papers and valid sources. So online, I will look for articles

that are current. So I stay up to date. I still, I still do

love a good book, for example. And this is kind of an older

one, but loneliness by John Cacioppo is one of the ones that

I'm going through right now because we are in a loneliness

epidemic right now, and that's what I speak to, the power of

connecting. I like books, though, because, as you can see,

I go through and I highlight what I do, and I saw you have

the dovetails on my book there collecting true friends is I

highlight stuff, I tag it, and then I work that back into my

speeches, back into my conversations with people,

because I I'm very curious, and I like to share what I learn.

And I think like, for example, one of the things I learned is

loneliness is equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. So

when somebody is lonely, truly lonely, it physically declines

their health. So to me that, like, that's a stat that when I

read it, that I had to learn more about it. So I do like

podcasts. I've become a real fan of them. Obviously, this last

year. Now that I'm out there, I'm guessing on so many and and

I'm recommending so many, like, I'm recommending yours out but,

yeah, I love the tactileness and stuff. It's there's just

something about it. Throw it in my throw it in my handbag. And,

yeah, I'm not big on Kindle. I don't need extra

light. Well, I agree, and I find though, that

what's happened as I've gotten older, though, is my attention

span is shorter, and sometimes I find myself even though I prefer

to read a, you know, a real book, I unless I've got

something in my hand to do that, I'll lose concentration faster,

so I have to be careful, right? So, pardon me, yeah, exactly. So

I'm almost so busy doing 14 things at once. Okay, last

question, and you already spoke to this actually, and I think

may have answered part of it. It's a two part question, and my

favorite word is curiosity, and and I, I want to know if you

think curiosity is innate or learned. And second part, what

are you most curious about today, which you may have

already answered, but you're you can certainly answer it again if

you want to Sure, sure,

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: I think curiosity is innate, and I have

been accused of being the world's most curious person

since I was old enough to walk. What's this? What's that? And I

was probably that annoying kid that put everything in her mouth

so that, because remember back then, we were tasting and

learning everything so and I actually made a, yeah, in fact,

I know I did that because I had a mud Tea Party and ended up at

the hospital when I was three years old. I thought that would

be great, you know, like to serve and eat mud so, so, yeah,

there's, there's a vulnerable moment for your listeners. So I

do think it's innate, and as we're children, I think that it

also goes up until into our 20s. This is what I would tell your

listeners, and I want them to really, really put their

thinking gear on. And trust me, when I say this, I also do

believe you can learn it however it's harder. So if you find

that, you're just going to dismiss that out, just like I've

had so many people in business say, Oh, I'm just terrible at

names. Elizabeth, I'm not no good at that. I'm like, stop

that. It is time right now that you do not ever say that to

somebody again, because what you just said to them is, I'm not

interested in learning your name ever, which means I don't want

to know you. So it's the same thing when somebody tells me,

Janice, that they're, you know, well, you're so curious. And I

just, I'm not that curious about stuff. I like to challenge them

back and say, you can learn to be more curious. Because here's

the thing, you need to have smarter people around you. If

you are the smartest person, and we've all heard this before, but

if you're the smartest person around you, all day long, I got

news for you all, you're going to. Come out at a certain age,

and you got to rise in your curiosity, because you got to

start saying, Well, what don't I know? And if we don't ever do

that, then your intellect is going to be tapped out. Say it,

and I'm going to make up a number, but maybe 40. So I do

believe it starts out in eight. I do believe that some of us

have a head start on it, like mine. I don't know why I've

always been insatiably curious and stuff, but I do also believe

that if you are not learning something every day,

particularly from every person, new stranger that you meet, even

if you think they're boring, make it a personal challenge and

say to yourself, I'm going to learn one new thing from this

person that I think there's not possibly anything he or she

could ever teach me, show me, tell me about. And you will be

surprised if you start challenging yourself, you will,

you will teach yourself that the thing I'm most curious about,

and I actually remember part two of your question, Part D, is, I

want to know, I want to know what it's going to take for the

world to really understand and how to become better friends to

one another. And that's why I did write collecting true

friends, because I was shocked how many people really don't

understand the mechanics. There are mechanics, just like in

networking, there's mechanics and logistics that if you follow

a certain methodology, and that's covered in the book, if

they do it Janice, then they can be amazing friends, and they can

have amazing friends. So I'm just curious and amazed. I just

stand in awe that when people tell me, like, I've never had a

great friend, people that people don't stay in my life long. I

just kind of step back and I get really curious on that. And

then, of course, you know, being the world's most curious person

over here, then I have to say, Well, tell me about that. And

then when I dig deeper, that's when the great conversations

start. But I just don't understand why with, you know,

billions of people on the planet. I mean, if they say that

with that, we have what 20 different possible soul mates

that could be. You know, we could romantically get linked up

with why doesn't everybody have an amazing inner circle? So

that's my thing. I'm so curious about it's like, you don't have

to be lonely. And I, and my slogan is, a life lacking

friends is totally fixable.

There were just so many gems in that last Oh, my

goodness, thank you so much. You know, I remember trying to I

have two daughters, one of them is very outgoing and much like

me, and a type personality and talks to everybody and anybody,

which I think comes from my mother, bless her, because she

did too and cared about everybody. My mother used to

send postcards from vacation to the butcher, you know, like

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: everybody, I bet she got great rose.

My other daughter is more introverted, and she's

bigger challenge for me because she's not like me. But, you

know, she'll say, Mom, I don't care. And I'll say, Well, why

don't you care? You have to care. And then the other piece I

always say to her is, you know, to have a good friend, you need

to be a good friend. And that's, I think, a great place to to

end, because I know collecting true friends, your book is all

about that, and about how to be that true friend to people and

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: and who, who's worthy of it that. So

the subtitle is, be a magnet to those worthy. Yes, I'm in

devotion because, Janice, I'm throwing it out there too. Not

everybody's worthy of you, and it's okay for us to be bold

enough, it's not being mean, but, but you've got amazing

listeners, and if you just haven't had the relationships

and friendships you wanted in the past, it's because those

people were not worthy of you, and it's time that you start

attracting, be a magnet to those that are worthy, and then

likewise, be worthy of them. And all of a sudden, the whole world

changes.

So true. This has been such a delight. Elizabeth,

my pleasure. So much for being my guest. I will put it in the

show notes, but just tell me where people can find you. Oh,

absolutely.

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: So if they'd like to get hold of the

book, it's collecting true friends.com. Is easy to go to,

and then I'd love for them to I'd love to connect with me at

my website. Elizabeth Duncan hawker.com, so it's Elizabeth,

D, u n, c, a, n, Hawker, H, A, W, k, e, r.com, but if it's

easier, just go to collecting true friends.com and you can

find me there. I know my name's kind of long, and that's okay,

so wonderful and and I do really believe, and I will say it

again, a life lacking friends is totally fixable, so do not be

lonely in life. Find great friends, have great

relationships, enjoy yourself. And you know, it's there's

people out there that want to, want to be worthy of you. So

it's especially right now there's a lot of lonely people.

Let's help that. Thanks, Janice, thank

you. So much for being here and to my audience,

thank you again for listening. If you liked what you heard,

please leave a review. We love positive reviews and let us know

that we can bring you more of the same. I have a feeling I

need to have Elizabeth back a second time to continue the

conversation. So remember, stay connected and be remembered

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: beautiful.