Love is the Greatest Gift in Life, to Know Love is to have Self-Love | Geoff Hudson-Searle

Hello everybody, it's Deana with the realized Foundation. And I'm here today with one of our authors Jeff Hudson Searle, who lives across the pond in the UK. And London I believe.

Yes Deana. Yes, London, central London, actually. And I beautiful little village in southwest London called bonds.

Got it? I have been the one but it's been about five years. And I probably don't know what that will.

Well, you're very welcome. And you know, we've got a new king now.

Yeah, I think the whole world knows that. I have been to Buckingham Palace, and I would picture me standing at the gate. So I did, I did make that round. But anyway, we're here today to talk about the scars, the stars book that will be coming out in September this year, which is 2023. And Jeff wrote a chapter. And I would like him to tell you a little bit about what it what you were.

Sure. So I wrote this chapter. For many reasons. The first reason is because one of the things that we always individuals, you know, don't have an existence without is love, and most importantly, the importance of love in each and every one of us. Some people will also say that, you know, if you need, you know, if you don't, if you're not self aware, you know, self love is a big requirement of that. So, as a child, you know, I was deprived of love. If it wasn't for my grandmother, and my grandfather, I probably wouldn't be here today. That's the honest truth. So the the appreciation of love, all through my life, has been a very big topic. And, and one of incredible importance, I can't help but feel that, you know, since I've been writing over the last 10 years now, you know, seeing how love in relationships has changed. And the astonishing amount of research that we have at the moment. You know, in, you know, particularly if I go as far as a December 22, when, when, when I you know, I started to do a lot of research on the relationship that, you know, is astonishing 78% of all couples were foreseeing that they would have a relationship breakdown during the Christmas period, that that to me spells out that we are being too transactional with one another, actually. And we're not concentrating on what really is important because what we don't figure out is that with all the great technology that we've got in the world, don't get me wrong. I you know, I we all couldn't really survive without a certain amount of technology. But I think that there is too much technology, and not enough human balance, value systems, being able to connect with each other. And I mean, connect, I mean, truly connect heart, body, mind and soul with one another and families, families still chill little children. Even at the age of four and five, they can see Mum and Dad, they can see granddad grandma, and what's the saying? achieved from the grandparents point of view, it's no one can teach you what our grandparents can teach your eye or something like that, which you wish I had in my first book. And that was very much based around my upbringing with it. If it wasn't for my grandparents, I probably wouldn't be here today. So I think you know, I have a lot to be able to have gratitude for in that regard. But the power of love and the power of the connection, I think we've got to deeply get back to so it was very important that I talked about love I also talked tremendously about I believe that each and every one of us are shaped by our own individual experiences. But then I started to really sort of talk about passion because I think that, you know, in a relationship, yes, you need passion, but you need when I mean relationship, you can, it could be the relationship with your employment, it could be you could be an entrepreneur, and you're passionate about what you do to others and how you give to others and how you're you're on your life purpose as a direct result of passion and I have talked about this subject a few times as well. Good friend of mine again In the chapter, Joe, Joe talks about one of her books, which is simply simply dot dot dot, you know, love is simple. Well, it's not that simple, actually. And I talk with experience. But there's that that was a metaphor, you know, in regards. And, you know, I have followed her work. And she's quoted, obviously, in the chapter because I think that one of the things we've got to get back to is love. And I think we've got to get back to our one to one relationships, you know, where we're not trusting one another, we're not trusting the platforms or the technology that we use. Everybody's running around with dating apps, which just provide more confusion and complexity. And they're not really about the depth and the granular level of getting to know one another. why don't why don't we go for a walk in the park? You know, why don't we just, you know, don't laugh. I mean, I remember when I was, I was a little boy, and my granddad would say to me, we're going for an adventure, Jeff, and I'm like, Oh, great. Can I have an ice cream? And it'd be like, No, we're going on the adventure. You know, it's a simple things, holding hands with one another, looking at one another within the, you know, our eyes. And I've always said that our eyes are a direct reflection of our soul. Yeah. And I think that that's incredibly important. So yeah, I cover a lot of aspects, but I am deeply concerned about the future, the future in relationships. And, as I said, you know, the reason why I wrote this is I am very passionate about how we adapt and change, but not forget, you know, the, the core of what we represent the core of what our purpose derives from, but more importantly, how we connect with one another. And we cannot forget, you know, the importance of love, especially when we start talking about the the generations, and we start talking about our children, potentially our grandchildren, and their children. So, you know, if we continue being very transactional, the world is going to get very cold, and it's going to get, you know, you we're going to move away from, you know, traditional value systems, and we're going to move away from the connection. You know, as soon as somebody picks up a mobile phone, they think mistrust, and it doesn't need to be that way. You know, I think that we need to be in a loving, trusted relationship to have meaning in our lives, and, more importantly, what that represents to society. You know, in general, you know, it's, it's very rare that you see people holding hands and, and kissing one another long street anymore, you know, it's kind of all but to not do that someone might get a picture of me and my, you know, and so it's like, why, why? Why don't we just have one person that we adore, and love and make a meaningful foundation based on loving love, care and attention? And I think that this is a huge subject today, then.

Yeah, I agree. And I think it's part of our mission is, you know, human connection in general can save lives. But the what, how we're using it with personal story, and community and conversations is really what we're trying to do exactly what you're talking about, trying to get people to reconnect with, even in a zoom call, you would be amazed at how many lives have been changed in the last two years, with what we're doing. And it's, you know, it's people who maybe don't have people in their life on a day to day basis, that allow them to be vulnerable or talk about, what what they're struggling with. And they can come in to our events, and they can meet other people who are struggling with similar things. And it becomes this beautiful conversation about how can we support each other? How can we connect outside of here, and it's, it's really what saved me in 2020 when I became part of a group of 160 people, you know about virtual events, trying to save my business and show that I walked away going, No, I'm not going to save my business. This is what I need to be doing. And so it's it's really important that people have that place where they can find the support they need, because everybody have that in their life.

I agree. And I think the 2020 was bad for a lot of people and we saw increased levels of suicide, increased levels of mental Oral Health, we saw people in isolation and loneliness. We saw a lack of creativity coming through in corporations and innovation because people working from home and even, even in February this year, I had somebody said, Well, you've written, you've written a blog on on mental health, and the importance of people interaction and said, I'm lonely, I have no one to talk to. I sit at my desk, and I work the hours that I do. But I have a mental health problem. And I don't have many people that I can actually talk to. And, Jeff, do you mind if I talk to you about the issues that I said, of course, you know, I've got I've got as many hours as you need right now to talk this through with you. Because the thing that this this is a really big problem, even the generation, the younger generation, generation Z's and, you know, you know, the Gen Z kids that are coming through, they're suffering with this issue. Now, you know, it's interesting that I saw some stats recently that Gen Z's on an average go on our website, they spend three seconds, someone, an old guy like me, spends two minutes 23 Okay, on the same thing, a Gen Z will have five screens open, or someone like me will have one screen open, begs the question whether the Carl on going back 15 years now he wrote the in the, in the praise of slow, I'm a big advocate for this man saying, No, we don't need to be doing 100 things at a time, because we won't actually deliver anything, we won't deliver anything of value. Actually, what we should be doing is actually doing doing 10 things and doing them really well. So they can create an impact. And his work is quite amazing. To be honest. I connected with him again recently, because, you know, we were talking about the slow movement and and whether and how this is developing know, Lesley portrayal from Harvard, she talks about PTO pertinent time off, you know, and she, she wrote a great book called sleeping with your smartphone. Right? It's very Nana, she has a point. Now, if she can go into a company like vein, and say, Look, everybody phones down, I'm going to increase your productivity and revenue by 35%. In 90 days, she so she's, she's onto something, right? And you know, like, everybody's just waiting for that buzz on the phone. Right? And like, we shouldn't be doing that. You know, it's like, you've got an email. Yeah, but can't even wait until morning. What's the absolute importance of sending that email right now? Why don't you go and take the dog for why don't you hold hands with your with your better, better half and actually go out for a walk? The sun is shining, actually in England, that's a rare thing. So why don't you go out and actually go for a romantic walk or go for a dinner together? Or, or you don't even have to go lavish, you could say, why don't we just go for coffee? Right? Let's spend some time together. And we're social beings, and you touched on it earlier, it's so important to interact and 2020. That was a big problem. Now, everybody's events, everybody's effectively doing things, which involves social one to one and interaction. You know, there were there were massive suicides, even before the pandemic, actually, over this isolation and mental health issue. And, and there was a big rapper, I can't remember his name, but he was saying, Guys, pick up the phone, start talking to your friends, and the people around you. I mean, you know, if you don't interact, you know, you know, and, you know, liking a post is not having a conversation. And, by the way, what I found after the pandemic, particularly with the meetings that I was having people wanted to get together, you know, definitely they wanted to get together and they wanted to talk, but I found all of my meetings that I was having had massive depth, granular depth with, you know, and purpose. And I was like, I'm getting so much more out of these meetings. Right? And why are we not all doing that? Why are we trying to text one another, you know, 1500 text messages a day? Well, what are you going to achieve from that? You know, seriously, you know, I've heard some horror stories, where, you know, the boss is sending a Slack message to someone expecting them to deliver or three lines and they're like, I need to speak to you and while I'm trying to speak to you, Well, how do you expect to get the quality in anything delivered? If you're not going to actually openly speak to one another and actually interact and actually get to one understand what I mean trust is based around effective listening, one, you know, I think we all kind of learn a lot there. But I mean, compassion, empathy, these are big words which which How to leads into understanding. And I think once you've got a level of understanding, you know how to communicate, you can't accelerate communication until you've got understanding. And I think, you know, with the younger generation, they think they use the spray gun machine gun style, and hope something sticks, that that isn't going to penetrate, and build human relationships, you know, with with compassion with empathy, and with understanding and building longevity in companies talk about customer lifetime value. Well, unless you know, your customer, you know, really intimately and intimately Well, you're not going to do business anyhow, you know, I'm not being funny, but, you know, brand trust, but trust in general, no, no one will actually spend time with one another, unless they believe that there's going to be some level of meaning or purpose. So I think, incredibly important, everything that we're describing right now. And I think that trust is just, you know, imploded, I mean, it's just got worse and worse and worse. We're at the situation now, where trust has never been so bad geopolitically, you know, politically, we got wars going on, you know, we've got, we've got business to business supply chain, zero trust going on, you know, and we've got relationship trust issues, and they've, they've just spiraled out of control. Now, I mean, society's got to get back to some basics, in my opinion, and we've got to start doing what we know is best and working within that. But if the speed of technology speeds others, though, at the rate it's likely to do over the next decade, then some of these things I'm talking about have got to be fixed.

Yeah, it's true, I think, you know, I think that I have a love hate relationship with with social media, because I it's very helpful in many, many ways. But it's also what keeps us from that human connection that we're talking about. And whether it's business or whether it's, it's the mental health world, and support and things that you need. It's, you know, I think it's great that we have tools, like better help where people can get on a zoom call with a therapist and get the help they need. But we also have a shortage of therapists in the world right now. therapists and, you know, how do we how do we fix that, and I believe we fix that, with what we're doing, and offering peer to peer support to people, because I think there's, there's different levels of help that people need. And sometimes they just need somebody to listen, or they just need somebody to relate to them about what they're going through. You know, and sometimes those conversations are, are even more helpful than a therapy session. In my case, I think they're always more helpful than a therapy session. But that was just my own experience. But, you know,

We saw years ago, Deana, in, in, you know, American Express, for instance, would use remote canceling for, and I think that at least that's something you know, to help people, but I was on the I was on a bus the other day, I believe on on public transport. And this this, this, this lady wanted to have a chat with me, you know, God bless her, she was about 8085. And we're chatting away until I had to get off my stop. But you know, I could see her smile. Right? I can see her smile. And so you think about it, it's all generations, it's not one Pacific area, that everyone is saying, Well, you know, we need this in our lives, right? We need this and, and, you know, I also believe that if you touch in the morning, if you were to touch somebody, you know, emotionally, you know, with something positive, it could actually make their day. Absolutely. You see what I'm saying? It's, it's like, like, I was in a supermarket the other day, and this man, he had a cake. And he had a small bottle of wine, and I had all my shopping and I was like, sir, please, please, please, please go in front of me. And he said, Are you sure? And I'm like, Well, yeah, you've only got two items. Look at me, I'm gonna be here forever. So you know, and it was kind of like, you know, and he should have seen the shock on his face. He's like, Oh, my God. You know, this is really good someone and he was he couldn't be more thankful. But then what happened was the cashier notice what I did and she was like, sir, good afternoon. Really good. See you every Are you okay? today? And I was like, so it has a knock on effect. You know, and it's a bit like, you know, it's about opening doors for people as well. You know, it takes a small thing of care. Just caring and and people want to know that they're cared for, right. And if you don't have any family, and if you don't have any friends, you know, you're either gonna have a very bad experience outs with society, or you're gonna have a very good experience. Now the pandemic, there was people fighting over toilet roads. Pastor what was going on with toilet rolls and pass the warehouses full of toilet rolls and passed it. But yeah, people were fighting in the I always as if this is going to be, you know, I've got to emergency stock. And, you know, and you know, so I think, I think we weren't thinking about community, you know, we weren't thinking about society. And, and all of this was, again, breaking down the trust barriers, you know, just breaking it down. And in men in my last book, you may remember that I talked about trust as a currency as a bank account, you know, when you do something positive, you get a credit. But of course, when you do something that's not so great, you're gonna get a debit, right? And that's, in some weird way. It's kind of an interesting way of actually managing people's expectations. Because, look, I'm not saying that we, you know, we're always going to be in a fantastic mood every day, and everything's gonna be perfect, because we don't live in a perfect world. But what I do say is that, you know, we don't need to do all this self gratification, maybe what we need to do is start giving gratitude and love to others, and actually making other people feel good.

All the time, about kindness and how you never know what the person next to you is really dealing with, whether it's a stranger or your spouse, there's always something that is going on in people's head that you'll never know. But just the act of like you said, opening the door, saying hello. Letting someone go in front of you at the grocery store. All of those things create endorphins and positive energy for people that need need that in their life. And like I said, you never know who that is. And if you you know, I always say I've spent a whole career in hospitality. So I say hello to everyone, no matter where I am. I pick up trash on the sidewalk. Like that's just what I do. Because my career. And it's, it's so crazy how I've seen stories of like somebody who dropped their bag and their papers fell out, and somebody stopped and helped them pick it up and and hearing it from the person who dropped their stuff. And how much of an impact that had on them, that strangers would just stop and help them. And it's it's really something that we all need to be more mindful of.

Sure. I mean, I mean, look, I, I went to the gym this morning. I go very early in the morning. So I'm normally up at 5:30am. And I normally leave the house by six at the latest. And every every, every sort of Monday. Well today. Yeah. And Thursday. It's really funny. There's a lady and, and she always says, Hi, how you doing? And I'm always saying yes, great. It's, and I'll always say kind of things like, yeah, it's a bit early, but you know, it's a positive day. And she just feeds off positivity. And this lady is so lovely, you know, and I see her always at 6am in the morning. And on my street, I'm one of the first to leave to go to the gym. Right. But But what a great outlook. I mean, what a great attitude, what a great outlook. And, and look, I appreciate that we're all different. And everyone has a different way and a different perspective, a different way of looking at life and things in general. But I think we need to make more of a conservative effort in helping others because that's the only way that we can create a better society for everybody to survive and live in, you know, everyone's got issues. I don't know anybody on the planet. But you know what, you're not going to get through those challenges. And you will by the way, you will get through those challenges. I remember the great Bob Marley I don't know if you remember this same and and he always said you never know something like you never know your true strength until you absolutely need it. Now, I know that I have been in a part of my life where I was like, I felt as if angels were picking me up, you know, and it was like you are going to continue you are gonna keep going. And you know, the chips were down. I mean, I was going through a particularly a big pile of adversity in my in my life, the time But amazingly, I'm here today, and more importantly, how powerful that fell right? Right. But as I said, everyone's different. Everyone's got a different set of issues. I mean, and no one's going to be generic the same. We can't You can't put all of us into little boxes, and hope that that's, that's there's one rule for everyone, command and control, because that's not what US beings do. You know. And so, you know, we do need more creativity in our life. But we also need better manners, and we need better etiquette, and we need better ways of communicating. Right? Yeah, I mean, where I live, I love where I live, because, you know, most people will say hello to you. It's not, but you know, there's a lot of places where heads down, no one's interested in one another. And you could just be catching somebody at the wrong time, in one of those experiences, right? For someone to do something quite tragic with themselves or their lives. And, and really, we should be doing more, we should be doing more.

Yes, I agree with all of that. And I want to switch gears for a second and ask you about writing. Because we also are there's always talk about their experience in writing their story, or contributing to this project or, or their experience with this project and what it means to them. And so I'd like to ask you that question of whichever part you would like to talk about. But also, you mentioned to me, before we got on this call that writing saved your life. So I would like to hear more about that as well.

Yeah, of course Deana? I mean, look, it did save my life. It's, I've publicly used that statement in some interviews that I have done previously, as well. So it's an interesting one, I believe it or not, my first book was supposed to been the company cookbook. And I had this fantastic idea. I called my business partner in the US at the time and said, Hey, Mark, I've got this great idea. I've got, I've got 100 recipe, because you know, I like cooking. And I've got 100 strategies on thinking full color pages descriptions on and what do you think he's like? Wow, that sounds great, Jeff. Well, anyhow, I then went to a beautiful place in Arizona called Sedona. And I hired a villa in the Red Rock. And I set I bought myself a brand new Asus netbook. And I was all ready to go. And I thought, well, I'll go to Flagstaff, I'll get myself a Starbucks, and I'll buy some books. And yeah, because I was interested in the stars and the planets. And, you know, I was driving back and I had this, I had this, this inner voice say to me, freedom, freedom, freedom after freedom after, and that's where freedom after the shots came from. And it was an explosion that went on inside of me cathartic? No question. And, and he exploded, and I exploded, and the content was just flowing. But what I learned what I learned about that, look, when you go on a life journey, I mean, a true, I got to about 40. And when I got to 40, it was really weird. It's like, everything came back to me from my childhood, and as a as a baby, because a lot of the tribulations that I had to overcome was when I was a baby, okay, and, and it was hard knee. And, you know, when I edited freedom, after sharks, no big surprise that I had to edit it about 100 times. And I cried 100 times in the process, because when you start opening the sellers, you know, cognitively, you might have a paragraph or you might have a chapter, but it opens up so much more. So, you know, that book was good in many ways, because it wasn't just the adversity that I'd been through as a little boy, or little boy, that was kind of lost without love, as well. It was the little boy that turned into the teenager, and the teenager, adolescence and the issues that I had to deal with them, then it was the adult, it was the failures of, you know, not being able to be a Royal Air Force pilot as much as I wanted to be and then offer me engineering and then a corporate career. And then why was I so driven? Well, you know, it's no, no big surprise that I wanted to be the best at everything, because that was something that was missing in my childhood. You know, most most kids, you know, 13 or 14, were going away to summer camp, right? I was working because I wanted to buy myself my very first Sony hifi Yeah, you know, because that's what I did, I worked, I worked six weeks, and I shouldn't have been working, but I did. And I had a very big work ethic, but it was because I never had love in my life. So you overcome all of that, you then have the big corporate career, and you're, you know, and I'm just so driven, I'm working 18 hours a day, nonstop, to because I want to be up the corporate ladder, I want to be the chief exec, I want to be go working globally and internationally across 120 countries, I want to be doing things that, you know, people have never achieved, that can be achieved, because the vision was there, and because the skills and the competencies were there. So that whole journey was huge. And then of course, then don't forget that we all have our first true love in our life, and how that crashes and burns and, and the upset and the emotions and overcoming that. And then finally, finally going to a place of peace. But that was a big part of the journey that I described. But what I also learned Dina about writing, you can't lie. Cuz you get writer's block. Right? So I had a chance to, I had a chapter in the book, Freedom off the shots, which I think should have been chapter 13, or chapter 14. And I couldn't write it. But actually, what was interesting was because I couldn't write it, actually, it ended that relationship, because the truth was something very different. Right? Because the truth was revealed. So I think that what I also learned, as a part of my journey, was always live in the truth. Be truthful, be open, be transparent, be authentic, right? Because there's no point, life is too short. And, more importantly, the heart wants, what the heart needs. And that is a truthful, open, authentic self, right. And that's where self love comes in. So when you finally meet somebody that has the same, you know, how, how two hearts come together, and how powerful that is when two people have been through adversity, but they come together with that burst of kind of love, and self love, and then openness and sort of authenticity. Yeah. And transparency, where words are not held back, where you live in a place of harmony and love. Right. But that was a hardest. That was, I still have dinner parties around my house, and we're all on the table. And so I want to talk to you about my new book. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, let's talk about freedom off the charts showing, you know, so we always go back to that, and then they always go to certain chapters, naturally. But you know, I did get a lot of emails from people. Because when I wrote that, that I started writing that in 2009, I think it was, and you know, I got a lot of emails saying thank you for writing that book. Because in those days, people would say, This is me, you know, I'm a fortune 100 CEO, I'm successful, blah, blah, blah. But they never talked about their personal journey. I did it for the first time. And funnily enough, there was a senior executive at bearings bank, you know, who brought me in, he brought me into the big boardroom, you know, like a 30, sit down boardroom and you could is a mirror, you could see yourself in the table. And he said, and he said to me, I'll never forget his exact words. Are you mad? I'm like, No, you're mad. And he said, I said, why? He said, Well, look, you've written a book, and you've totally exposures up, your career is finished. So I said, was really nice of you to say that? I said, but can I ask you how many books that you've written them published? And he said, Well, none. Well, you know, my decision. He said, Jeff, I'm telling you now, your career is finished. And I said, No, it's just starting. And so that will never, I'll never forget those words. And I guess that probably gave me the firepower to say, I've got to do more. And then it was it was Joe, it was Joe lovies. Simple said to me, Well, Jeff, you know, you're not an author, until you do the second book, right? Unfortunately, that happened on the third, the fourth, the fifth, the sixth.

Because the very first thing I ever wrote I was in a book with you.

That's great.

That's how we even know each other. And that was that was very daunting to me at the time, because I'd never written anything. And now it feels like, I'm just thankful that Tom reached out to me, because I would have never probably looked for that opportunity. You know, because I was busy and running a business and all that.

Well, I was, I was just touched, I was sad about that book, because Tom never told me about his health, and a bad situation. And, you know, I sent him he reached out to me, and he really liked my, my first and second book. So, and I was gratified, but obviously, when he passed, before the book was published, it gave it gave me more Dr. To know that I had to be a part of that book. And the importance of that book, right, and that that is how we connected 100% And, and I loved what you wrote in that book. And, and I was, I felt it was a privilege to be with everybody that was a part of that. So

Yes, we to. And if anybody's listening, the name of that book is journeys to success. And it's the volume nine book, and it's the tribute to Tom Cunningham. And he had written, he had a radio show, and he wrote, put several of those books together. So I was very honored to be part of that as well. And I think that, also the, what you were saying about writing, and it be, you know, this person telling you that you've ruined your career is very similar to my journey, when I decided to talk about suicide in 2019. And what that was going to look like and add employees and clients and you know, all this stuff, and it's like, how is this going to come across? And and is it going to hurt me? And it did the opposite. And one of the things I wrote a, I wrote a couple articles around that time, and then I also, you had me write a guest blog. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that was, that was one of the first like, five things I wrote, When I decided to talk about this subject. And it was, it was very scary. But it also was very healing. And it was, it was a chance for me to put out things about myself that were true to me that no one knew. And it was it was healing in so many ways. And there are people who, you know, haven't really acknowledged it. But there are other there are so many people who have been thankful for that, because it helped them be able to know they're not alone. So they can talk about their journey. Or maybe it just helped them learn something about themselves. And so it's really important. It's really, really

Yeah, funny, either. I mean, like you I've, I've been writing since 2010, really, our blogs, probably written about 600 articles now, over that period, and I've written about an awful lot. But you know, every now and then I drop in an article about love. So I just dropped one in there and again, and it's funny how, because it's so different. It's like, it's not leadership, it's not corporate governance, or, you know, the board and this, and it's actually about love, and self love, and, and what makes you relationships. So it's, I've done that Dina, and I, I've really enjoyed doing it, because I think it's real, it's real. And it's something we all can touch. And actually, it's, it's something that we can all improve upon. If we really wanted to, the question is, how much do we want to improve? You know, everyone is always self critical, or very easy to say, Oh, well, you know, how much do you want to commit to because we're changing all the time. Transformation is every minute of the day, because we're never going to be the same than we were a year ago or two years ago. And pandemic, of course, raised our behavior mean beyond just raised seven or eight years, you know, in one short period. I don't think anybody was ready for it. I think it was long overdue. I mean, I think we were there was a lot of stuff stagnate. Question. And I think there was, you know, we needed a fresh set of eyes sometimes looking at things, especially when things don't work, you know, unfortunately, relationships took the toll, you know, many, many relationships fell apart, needed to change and so forth. So you know that that was an experience. But it then when you have, like, I call it like a tower moment labor, you know, it gives you the opportunity to rebuild with a better foundation, a more solid foundation, and then an ability to really assess, evaluate, assess what you want, but it's only really if people are committed to that. I mean, and that goes back to passion, you know, how much do you really want this? So, and I think that's in regards to anything in life, whether it's a career moment, or whether it's personal, one the same. Now, you know, we are living in one of the same. But we've also got to give ourselves a little bit of credit. And, you know, when we don't, you know, I think that's really important for self esteem. And, you know, because, you know, we all work hard, but we also need to recognize that, you know, we do have loved ones and, and you know, what, if you, you we can make time for our loved ones. We already can, we can make more time. But the question is, how much do we want to do? You know, and I think,

For me, it's about intention, and priorities. And it's about, you know, when you when I was running my business before 2020, I was never home, I was always traveling. I, my husband and I spent about 10 years where we weren't even together half the time, because we were one of us was traveling. And for me, I was very driven, like you talked about, I was always like, I need to prove myself, I needed to eat this, I needed to eat that I need to get that award, I need to do all these things. And when we were forced to take a pause, it really changed my perspective. Yeah. Because although I loved my business, I loved what I did. I love my employees, my clients, I had fun. It was a great experience. But I also think that I was turning 50 That year, it was like that time where I'm like, What am I going on my whole life, where I'm just climbing the ladder, or proving myself and never enjoying what I've built? Yeah, exactly. And that changed everything for me. And it's why I'm doing what I'm doing now. And it's it really is important for us to have the time and space in our brain to even you know, explore those things. And so I never really thought about it before the pandemic because I never had time to.

I was always a dinner last week. A very interesting one. Actually, it was a private bank in London. And one of the head of the technology for the London Stock Exchange was there. And there was some interesting people around the table. And of course, then I'm asked the question, I said, Well, you know, we're not doing enough introspection. Okay. What are you going to create next speed yoga? So, of course, I had the whole table was in hysterics laughing. And then this guy said, Actually, that's a good idea.

Oh my goodness.

Right? Because your introspection is where we're really touched on that. But yes, you know, I've written about introspection and the power of it. And the power, you know, it's always when something bad happens that you get perspective for a short period of time. But that's not in a great one. It's snowing oven. And a lot of things that you have to address on a regular basis are Because suddenly, you've just weren't had an awakening, you're, you're just woken up to the fact that something's happened. And then there's a dramatic change in emotions, cognitive otherwise, but we should be we shouldn't have to have an excuse like someone passes away or somebody has, you know, gets diagnosed with something quite serious. Or there's a war or they have to have people change their their mind or perspective on things and and then go into introspection, right. It should be something that we do freely, really, and I think that we need to have more self Love in ourselves, and appreciation and gratitude with others, as is incredibly important from from where I'm standing.

Yeah. And then, you know, it's got to be intentional or it doesn't happen.

Yeah, it has to be. Yeah, look at the greatest thing happens when you give intentions, the greatest things happen. I mean, really quite fantastic when you when you when you do that as a versus no intention, just expectation, right. So I think, I think that I say my gratitudes and, and I say my intentions on a regular basis, you know, and you know, and it's funny how everyone's like on a wellness trip now. Yeah. Oh, yoga, oh, wellness, you know, meditation, you know, we're gonna go to a spa retreat and do some meditation, or why don't you do it at home? Yeah,

I want to, I want to ask you with a little bit more time, but I want to ask you about the organization that you are an ambassador for. And that's 146 I'm gonna put their their website at the bottom of this screen so everybody can see that I want you to tell me how you got involved and what it means to you?

Yes, so got involved was one of my corporate roles many many years ago. At RG group, we acquired an organization called the aarC which is the Association for the recovery of children. And basil bears down in San Diego ran this organization. And as I said, in America, there was a little girl called Lilia, who went missing for three years. And the CIA couldn't find her. So they reached out to bears with his analysts, and they found her in about six days, I think it was and little girl unfortunately, was taken by a pedophile and was in location in Costa Rica, which is in Central America. So basil got together a detail. Delta Force, CNN were actually on that trip. And it was a three minute operation. They landed, as you can imagine, Delta Force kind of dealt with the proximity in the area, the pedophiles head was in the floor with with armed guards around him, the little girl was taken back. And then the ceremony of because the little girl can't go directly back to the parents, it has to go through counseling, medical checkups. And under the court of the US Supreme Court, there are certain guidelines and rules. And then the mother was brought together which brought tears to my eyes. No big surprise. And I was hugely impressed with basil's operation. And he still operates today, he has 100% hit rate in the recovery of children traffic's on or taken otherwise around. So that kind of spurred off my interest in helping organizations further. So then, just after that, I was invited into love 146 And be honest with you, I was hugely, hugely a fan of their work. They they were the first organization and those days, even churches were the word trafficking, okay, was a dirty word, right? Really big, dirty word. And it was, you know, these children would escape trying to escape and they thought we'll go to a church, you know, and, and it was difficult. So what loved 146 did, they miraculously put a project together called the Roundhouse, which effectively was a 24 hour house that children could go to now, sad as it seems, there is a statistic, a child has to travel 4000 kilometers to get to safety. So that's kind of their escape, they kind of end up under bridges, they, they they rough it, they they survive, and then eventually, they get in the hands of safety. And safety can mean two things really, obviously, in an environment that has got psychological safety, where they have trauma treatment, they're medically looked at and so forth. And then Once ready, and it can take time, you know, before they get into the right hands, bearing in mind that some foster parents who work on the dark side, then just sell them back into the system, which is horrible, and we just don't want to talk about that too much. But there are really good foster parents out there who love and cherish these children and want them to have love until they can. And, you know, basically, it's true. I mean, I cried. I mean, I Sorry, I got involved with them for six. And then I started helping them on the fundraising side originally. And I became an advocate for government lobbying, and so forth. And then they they invited me in as an ambassador. And I did a lot of work as an ambassador, which I'm very proud of. And I remember two Christmases ago, there was a knock knock knock on the door. And then I opened the box. And it was DHF embroidered and embroidered piece where it said, Dear Jeff, and thank you for everything. Love, the children loved one for six, and I just broke down. And I said, Christmas for me is has no relevance because it's all about the children. And I was very driven for that for about 10 years. And then, and then last year, we had a gala, we had a Christmas campaign Gala. And one of the girls wrote that what they've been very good at is doing two things, setting up an art institute at the loved one for six. So the children are able to express their kind of anger Mang was a way of dealing with anger management, it's to put that into art, you know, an expressive art, but also into poetry. And one of the girls that Zara Her name is She's incredible. She you know, she did a whole poem around. What is home, home, home is on the run, home is in a truck home is in the bow. Finally, I've home is with love with my new parents, you know, my new foster parents and very deep words, and does poetry as well. So think, again, I go back to why I started writing. And when you start seeing some of the children putting that into poetry. It's not just creative and artsy. But it's, it's an outlet to deal with that. So yeah, look, I'm very incredibly proud of what they do as an organization. It's not just across the pond, it's North America, it's Mexico, Peru, Garner, Philippines, you know, Thailand, around the world, dealing with all the organizations, because trafficking is just a small part, children, trafficking, boys and girls, by the way, it's just a small part of, you know, the sort of the big cartels, you know, you're dealing with gambling, you're dealing with prostitution, you're dealing with drugs, you're dealing with children, it's all part of that trillion trillion dollar, you know, empires that they have around the world. So, but yeah, I look, I think I've always believed that children, when they're brought into this world, should have love by mum and dad, until they're at an age where they can make certain decisions, right? Not that they're, they shouldn't be kidnapped, and they shouldn't be trafficked, or so on. I'm a great believer of that. And, you know, irrespective of life circumstances, which can take any, it's not just, it's not just poor kids in poor environments that get trafficked. It's also children in high class and middle class families that get trafficked. Okay. And then they got to try and get back to some kind of normality. And, you know, look, there are devices that the kids have to, because they can't sleep at night, because of the trauma, because of the experiences the combat in the screaming and the, you know, this is a norm growing thing. So, we, you know, for some anybody that hasn't experienced this, or any performance icumsa Anybody that has a child with a with a male gender or female gender knows how precious those children are to the family. You know, not all kids have the, the joy or the love, right to, to continue. Now, the reason why it's called a loved one for six is because the two co founders were in Bangkok, they walked into a local brothel. And there was a young girl, they're probably 12 or 14 years old. And they said, no, they took her into a room and said, No, you're not taking your clothes off. We're getting you out of it. And eventually, they got this girl out of the brothel, and they took her into their care, but the badge that she was wearing was 146. So that's where the loved 146 come from. As I said, Rob Morris And the team do a fantastic job there. They're so driven, they're so committed to the cause. And, you know, it's been, it's been very good to be a part of that journey.

That it's, I'm so glad I learned about that from you. And it's it's a wonderful cause. And in our next Scars to Stars book with you are two people who are writing stories about that.

Oh, that's amazing.

One. One is it trafficking situation and one is a foster home situation. So we are very interested in both of those stories to come in, in the same book. And they're very, and Laurie, the one who was in foster care, did publish poetry. That was she was fascinating when I met her. And now she's super excited to get her story out and to help

Well, I think those stories that talk about in the next book are really powerful, because there's a lot of people that don't speak about this, they keep it all held, held in, and they do need to talk about it. And the only way they the way, what they do is they go to YouTube, or they go to books to try and and try and hear about other people's experiences and learn from those experiences. So I think this is really powerful data is really powerful, you know, what you're doing is so important to each and every one of us. And it doesn't matter, what what gender you are, what religion, you know, what nationality you are, where you're from, everything you're doing is in great support of society and, and how we can try and improve that, through these, through these experiences. And through and through people that have actually been through real life experiences. And being able to talk to others I think, is hugely important.

Well, thank you. I appreciate that.

You know, I'm a big fan, right. So

you, I'm a big fan of yours, too. And I feel like we could talk for a week about so many things. But right now, I just want to thank everybody for listening. And I also want to put up our website. And if you are interested in our book launches or our events, you can go to our website and find out more information. You can also apply there to tell your story and one of our books. So you can fill out the submission on the scars to stars page. We also have an events page that lists all of that and how you can register. And we use Eventbrite. So you can also find us there. So we hope to see you at our book launch in September on the 22nd. And yeah, so glad to have you here.