The Story You Try Hardest not to Tell | Lori Ann Hood

Hi, everyone, it's Deana and I'm back with another author for our book coming out this year. And this is Lori Ann hood. And Laurie, I'm gonna let you tell the audience a little about yourself.

My name is Lori, I was born and raised in central California. I left there in 2010. And I've never been back. I've lived in South Carolina since then. I have two beautiful kids, and a fiance that I've been with for four and a half years, and I am the most happiest, I think I've been in a long time. For the first time in a long time. It took a long time to get here.

Well, I'm so glad to hear that and see the smile on your face. So Laurie, will you tell us a little bit about your chapter, and you can expand on it however you like.

My chapter is about my life and my early childhood, forward into adulthood, I did not grow up in the best family straight from the beginning. And then I got into foster care which the foster care systems messed up now, of course, but like, back when I was in it, in 1994 1995, it was worse. And I thought I was safe in the home that I got adopted in and quickly found out that that was not the case. But my life got better. As I went out and spread my wings at 19. It was the first time I'd ever like truly been away from home in by myself, and basically just had to restart my life at 19. I did not, I will not choose for anybody else, the way that I got out of what I did. It wasn't the best way to decompress, mentally. But it was the way that I had to do things in order to get away from what I was involved in. And from there, you know, once I got out of the military environment, it was a long process of, you know, unraveling my life up to that point. I mean, 20 years of ongoing trauma is a lot to unpack, and then the relationship I was in turned sour. And that added trauma. And it was just a rocky road. But my chapter starts from like, when, before I was three, and the horrible things that happened to me before then, and goes up into my adulthood, and has a lot of lessons in there for some people, including, you just got to keep going and keep hoping and keep reaching out in some ways because somebody somehow is going to listen. And they are going to read through the lines of the stuff that you are saying and that you aren't saying. And eventually it does get better. Might not be right away. And it might take some unrolling of some stuff, but it does get better. My story also shows that you know when you see these happy go lucky families in public in society. It doesn't always mean that there's not a lot of stuff going on behind the scenes. We were the picture perfect family and society. My dad was like involved in the community. He owned his own business. You know, on the outside, we were this picture perfect family traveling. We got to have these experiences. And but behind the scenes, it was dark and it was heavy. And there was a lot of things that were just hidden from everybody. And it shows that abuse and neglect and a whole bunch of other things like that they can happen two doors down and you Don't know it because on the outside, it's a happy family. And, but it's not a happy home. And I think a lot of people forget that, like, what you see is not how it is all the time. And I think in a society where we're so online, and social media has such a heavy presence, we forget how easy it is to hide and mask everything. But my chapter goes through my life and my struggles of growing up in just getting through things that I should have never had to at such a young age, but also growing up and navigating what I was going through, and having to protect other people at the same time and protect other people from even getting stuck in the mess that I was in at home. I want to be for somebody else, the person that I needed coming out of my trauma. I didn't do it the best way. At first, I struggled, I spiraled, I made a lot of decisions during my trauma and coming out of it. That had I had somebody there to validate how I was feeling I would have been probably better off in so many ways. But if I can keep somebody with my story or with my experiences, or sitting down with them and talking, I want to be that person for somebody because I know that's what I needed. Just somebody to say like it's okay, like you're out and embrace that fact. And it's not your fault, but what you're feeling is valid. And I know my story is screamed out loud in silence in so many homes. And worldwide. It's not just here in the US. But if I can make one person feel less alone, there's power in that. And it'll give me a little bit of that power that I missed back as well. So,

Yes, well, thank you for sharing. I know, it's been a journey, even since we met in and I think your story is going to help many people. So I'm very excited about you being part of this next book and and see what comes of it for you. So I think you're you hit on a point about social media that I think is really important. And we don't usually talk about in these calls. So I think social media has just given us a way. And some people think zoom has done the same. But social they it gives us a way to somewhat connect with people, but not fully. And it's it's people hide things people. Some of it is deceptive. Some of it is you know, almost like preying on people because they're, you don't know if if somebody reaches out to you, you don't know if that's really that that person or it's kind of like that catfish show about dating and you know, stuff like that. So it can be really, it can be really awesome to keep in touch with people that maybe don't live close to anymore or something like that. But it can also be really negative and really not good for us.

Yeah, and very scarring. I know I've seen it before, where people are like, Oh, but your life is so great. And all this other stuff. You must have always had a great life. And it's like no, I mean, like people that I saw every day for eight to 10 hours a day, didn't even know what was going on at home. And I had somebody that I reconnected with recently who was best friends with my older brother. And we got to talking and stuff. And we got to talking about like my brother, my older brother and his life growing up, where you know, he was a big picture in that because like I said he was my brother's friends. He was in our house, like spent the night at our house came and ate at the same tables that we were eating at same restaurant sometimes. And he even said in hindsight knowing what he knows now, he missed so many signs of what was going on. I know a lot of people are like, well, you're telling your story now. It can't be true because you probably forgot a lot of stuff. And this person was straight up. Like, he's like, I noticed this. I remember this. I remember you were always hidden. You weren't allowed to sit here you were always told to be quiet, and so many other things. And it was just like he apologized. He said, I'm so sorry that I ignored all those signs, because maybe I could help you guys get out better or faster. And he was talking about me and my little sister, my little sister that got adopted as well was only two years younger than me. And she's got a family of her own. I love her to death. I'm so proud of her. She's an amazing mother to her kids. But for a long time, it was like she hated me for leaving. And I was like, I It wasn't that I hated you. And it wasn't that I didn't want to talk to you. It was like, I couldn't tell you why I couldn't come back. Or why I didn't want to come back or why I never came back to visit. From the time I first left, and was like September of 2010. And I had to go back for Christmas that same year. And she even said, it was like, when I got back to the house that we lived in from seventh grade. Till I left. She's like you were just never okay. And looking back, it was because, you know, when you get a break from something for so long. And military life ain't easy. Don't get me wrong. Like I'm not gonna sit here and tell you military life is easy. And it's not mentally taxing. And it's like this happy go lucky place. Because no basic training and a it is a whole nother ballgame. It's it's not the greatest escape from the trauma that I was in. But it gave me that break in a way. And then to come back to it. People don't realize how quick emotions and memories and stuff gets stored in your body, and how easily those can be brought back up. A lot of people that struggle with PTSD, they get made fun of for the same thing like oh, it's just a firework. But a firework sounds like a gunshot. And that sound can bring back up memories of some horror that's trapped in our body. You know, our mind might forget, but our body remembers. And they connect. Like when I went back home, everything like align itself again. And it was jarring to my system. So no, I wasn't okay. And then certain things started to happen where I just didn't feel safe anymore. I was supposed to be home like a week or two. I ended up leaving the day after Christmas, and flew to here to South Carolina. With my then it was in fiance he's now my ex. But I would call him crying every day because I was not okay. And I was miserable. And I flew here for the duration of my time. And then we flew back to our ai t station, which was San Antonio, Texas. And when we both got discharged for medical reasons, I came home, we switched my flights, so that I came home with him. And then it goes back home to what I fought so hard to escape from. But I think with PTSD and stuff like that, a lot of people don't realize that either is that it's so easy to get dropped back into that same feeling or those thoughts that come back and I think I'm reading other people's stories or like some people that are in my situation, can read it and put themselves into the shoes and maybe they can find their way out or, or get hope that they can get out and that it is possible to get out from extreme circumstances and come out better and then turn that story into power and help others. I also have poetry that I was healing myself. My writing, writing and music have been amazing for me growing up and even well into adulthood. I'm not that old, don't get me wrong. But I'm still young in many ways, but like, it's still a therapeutic thing for me. And I think, through stories, people can relate and really empower other people that they don't even know. And they may never know. But they're gonna know you through your story.

It's true. And they're sometimes talked about this several times this week. But sometimes when somebody reads a story, and it's very different trauma than what they've experienced themselves, they can't even imagine going through this trauma they're reading about. And they're like, you know, I get the comment a lot that, oh, that story is so much worse than mine. So that's so much more horrible than what I went through. But I think what it is, is that when we've lived something, and we've made it through it, we've processed it, we've healed from it. But the other whatever someone else is talking about, that we haven't been through, is like, we can't fathom going through that. And so it seems worse than what we've already endured. But it's because we've already healed from that. And I think it's, it's, you know, nobody's trauma is any worse than anybody's, it's not less or more than anybody's. But there are people who've been through multiple trauma situations, you know, and maybe like me, I've been through really one big one, you know, so it's, it's, it really depends on where you are in your journey, where you are in your healing journey. And what, you know what you're doing to continue that healing. But I will say, like I was in a relationship, once that was emotionally abusive, wasn't physical. But it was emotional. And to this day, when someone does something where it's like, aggressively, a fight or anything towards me, I just want to walk away, like, I don't want any part of it. And I know that's a very mild case of PTSD compared to what a lot of people experience. But I think it never dawned on me until we started doing these books and talking about this more that I do that, that like if my husband is upset with me about something which he doesn't even yell at me. But he could just be stern about something and I'm like, I'm, I'm out. Because it's just it's not, it just brings you back to a time where you were in a bad situation, and you weren't being treated correctly. And anything that could bring that up. It's exactly what you're saying.

Like, sometimes, sometimes your mind forgets things, especially when you're in a lot of trauma. A might not always stay gone. But like for a time, it might disappear. But your body remembers your body stores trauma that you're not working through, which I think is another thing that people don't address. And I think in even in the medical field, it's often ignored. Even in the psychology field, I know because I've been through therapy where they just gloss over things, and they don't dig into the root causes stuff. But our body stores trauma and stress. You know, they say like, sometimes when people get really stressed out, they get headaches. It's because your body storing all that energy, all that negative energy, and it will manifest in different ways in your body. But sometimes our mind forgets. And when our bodies are put into situations, like you say like your husband can just be in close proximity and be mad at you and you have a reaction to it. It's like your mind has somewhat forgotten stuff, but it's still stored in there. It's just like way back. And when your body connects to it, it brings back all those pictures and then you're just like, you get scared because you don't want to be in that situation that you were in before that your body remembers it. So your body says run, because it doesn't want to connect with your brain. And everything that's stored in your brain. And

That fight or flight moment where you're like, am I going to face this? Or am I going to run? So yeah, I agree with you. And I think it's true that our, our mind sometimes forgets things on purpose or hides it to protect us. But, but when you're put in that situation, again, you're right, you, you, it's familiar, you know.

Yeah, like I had a break. And, in a sense, from the type of trauma that I went through from 19, to like, 2425, then my relationship kind of got manipulative in that sense. And it started bringing stuff back. And then when I was 27, it happened to me twice, in such a small frame. And it set off a lot of things in me, a lot of memories, a lot of stuff. And that's when I got into writing a lot of my poetry your like, it's at the top of like, the emotions, and a lot of people say that they could feel like every emotion, I probably felt as they're reading it. And it's because I wrote it at the peak of that. That connection, where my, my mind, and my body was connecting everything again. And like I said, it was like my way of trying to heal myself, essentially. But like, there's so much power in our stories. And I think we can change the world. So much, just by connecting stories like this book, and against, even as authors like, an opportunity to be like, create creative, but we can also connect in ways where it's like, I can relate to something that you might have been feeling or some aspect of your story. Because, you know, not every story is gonna be for everybody. But everybody can find a connection within the story. And I think that is powerful, too. And people, I think, need to get back to writing their stories in pen and paper, and telling it, because that's how we can help each other. And especially with COVID, and all the division that has happened since COVID, I think a lot of people are missing, that they're missing connections. And why not do that by sharing your story, in sharing your experiences, like, people are gonna relate to something, and somebody out there might need your story to get through another day. Very true by not telling your story, you're blocking their blessing.

I agree, I think the reason. The reason we do what we do is because for 23 years after my suicide attempt, I never thought it, I was never in a position where it was okay to talk about it, or to tell anybody. So I didn't tell anybody for that long. And it if I would have ever seen like an ad for NAMI or an ad for, you know, the other organizations out there that helped with peer to peer support for suicide and ideation. If I would have read somebody's story who said they had survived a suicide attempt, and they gave me a link to connect with them, I would have done it. And the first time I finally talked to somebody that had also survived the suicide attempt, and there's millions of people in the world who have millions and millions, but I never came across any one of them that would talk about it. And so that's what the books mean to me is that it gives somebody a way to read something in the privacy of their own home, or their own space, and read about somebody else that they can relate to and that they could actually reach out to and connect with. And so that's why these books are so important to me. And I think that we've had stories on all kinds of situations from suicide, to abuse, to addiction to infertility to, you know, health issues, you know, bullying, everything. And so I feel like anybody could pick up one of these books, like you said, and they can relate to something. And so We hope that the more people that write in our books, the more people are sharing them, the more people we can reach and help. So

Like I said, a lot of our stories are screamed out loud in silence. And there's so much power in sharing your story too. And it is. It's very therapeutic, and it's very healing. But also, you got to think, like, it could be the thing that save somebody else's life, it could be the thing that changes somebody's life. It can do wonders, but you keeping quiet and keeping it to yourself, it's hurting you, but it's also blocking somebody else's Blasi. Yeah. And the harder the story, the louder it's probably screamed across other people's lives. And I think I love the fact that you are doing this project, and that you are giving people voices that might not ever have an opportunity to share their story. You open the door for a lot of people for that. And I'm very grateful for the experience because this, this is a dream come true. It just, it's gonna be the start of many, many things. I already know that. For me, especially. But for a bunch of other people too. It's like a launching off point.

Thanks for sharing that. We talk a little bit about how it was writing your story, because I know you had wrote you read. You wrote poetry before, and and published it and I know how powerful that is for you. But when you when you had the thought, like I have to write this chapter like how did you start? And how did you feel throughout that process.

So I had writer's block, believe it or not to write this story, I actually accepted meaning from Chris or her and we sat down and he's like, What is your end goal was sharing your story. He's like, start there. They said, even if you have to write it down and stare at it, that might be the place to start or start at the end, because it's more fresh, and backtrack. And what I ended up doing is writing down, like, the power that I want my story to have. And I had to write my story in two parts. The first part was like the beginning of my life through to high school. And then I had to stop and give myself a break. Because those were like the worst points of my story and my life. And it's as an adult looking back. And as a parent myself looking back, like, I can't imagine completely abandoning my kids, like in person being in the same house with them, and really disconnecting from them and just leaving them feeling like they're on their own. And so going through up into my high school years, those were the hardest parts of my life, those were some of the parts that I really didn't want to live through, I tried not to live through them. And I had to give myself, you know, like 24 hours to decompress after that. And then I came back and wrote from, like, my time that I left, and sort of escaped, essentially, and then forward. And it's very healing, to know that there's power in that there's power in putting that down in itself, not just for the healing sake, but for the part of releasing it from your mind. And just, I would knew writing it that I had to be careful about my verbiage. And that's a part of healing it is when you can talk about it and not be so angry. And when you can write it and it not be in anger, and frustration and all that stuff. That's how you know like, you're healing and it's going to change somebody's life because it makes them relatable. But it also shows them that you can heal and you can move forward. And as an like writing it. I felt very empowered and very powerful in the fact that my story is going to hit somebody else, whether they're on the outside of it where I struggled and I needed help or They're in it and need to know that somebody has been in their shoes and made it out and come out stronger for it. And like, I have a fiance and I have kids. And if you saw my story, you'd be like, how do you love? How can you love anybody else after that? And how can you get through things to the point where you can have a family and be okay. But it's possible, it is very, very possible. And I've made it through. I made it through so many things that normal people don't make it through. And I'm stronger for it.

Yeah. Um, I think it's, it's, you know, everybody's been through their own set of trauma. And, you know, there, there are people in the world who probably don't understand that or haven't experienced those kinds of things. But I think the most of the world has some kind of trauma and some kind of mental health issue or some kind of struggle, that, you know, they can relate more, even if they haven't been doing exactly what you've been through. And so I think it's, that's why we share all the stories, because then there's always something that someone can relate to.

But also they can store by story. And when somebody else needs help, or needs some sort of hook that can be like, Hey, you can go read this story. It might help you through it. Yeah. I mean, I know, I've used other people's stories to help somebody else. Because they could relate to that person. And they can relate to that story. Like we store stories, we remember stories, and when we get attached to stories, we repeat them.

That's true. That's why, you know, I've been doing a lot of study around speaking and the best speakers have the best stories, you know, and not that their life was better. It's just the toilet differently than the people who aren't as successful at telling stories. But would you tell people where they can find you, and I'll put your Instagram handle up.

I'm on Instagram at sassylo_1991_. I am also on Facebook. My page is very public, my name is the same as on here. And you'll be able to know it's me because I look just about the same profile picture is like brand new. I try and change it like every two weeks to a month. Try not to make it last any longer than that. So that my face is like the same as when people see it. So yeah, yeah, it's very good fun.

Well, I'm glad that we got to have this conversation today. And I just want to share with everybody our website, it's the real, it's realized foundation.org. And you can find a lot of stuff there, you can find our free hook course on main page, you can find a resources page with lots of stuff there. And you can also find a list of our events. And most importantly, you can find an a submission form to tell your own story. So you could go to our website in the scars to start page and fill out that submission and say, raise your hands. You know, I'm ready to tell my story. And then we'll give you more information about how you can get involved. So, Laura, thank you so much for sharing and for being here today. And I'll let you have the last word.

Definitely go visit the website and definitely find me on Facebook or Instagram.