Ask The Experts: How Do You Manage Self-Doubt?-Ep.114

Hey welcome to she coaches, coaches, I'm your host, Candy Motzek. And I'm going to help you find the clarity, confidence and courage to become the coach that you were meant to be. If you're a new coach, or if you've always wanted to be a life coach, then this is the place for you. We're going to talk all about mindset and strategies and how to, because step by step only works when you have the clarity, courage and confidence to take action. Let's get started.

There, and welcome to this episode of she coaches coaches, I'm pleased to see you here, I have gathered together a group of experts. And I've asked them one question. The question sounds like this. How do you deal with self doubt? In your business? Now? It seems like such a simple question. But when I look at all of the input that I get from the new coaches that I speak with, I know that you guys struggle with self doubt, you worry about, is it always going to be so hard? Will I always doubt myself? Will I always feel like an imposter. And so I knew that bringing these nine people together and asking them each that same question, you're going to hear things from my perspective, from their perspective. And my hope is that you find a way to manage yourself doubt, to manage your fear, so that you move forward, you go out, and you create a life and business that you dream of, you have an impact with your coaching business, and you experience freedom, and just all the good stuff of being a coach. So I really enjoyed this conversation with these nine individuals, super interesting people, each with a diverse perspective and background, you're going to want to listen carefully hear all of their responses, and take away the 123 things that were really meaningful for you put them into action, and just get moving. Enjoy. Marie, this is something we all struggle with, how do you deal with self doubt, and the doubt from others around your business.

And this is, um, I don't think that when we put ourselves out there online, that we are immune to this at all, this is huge, this is going to come around. And I think thinking about what you would do. And having a plan for it kind of allows you to be a little bit more resilient to that, for me, my self doubt is that I have amazing and beautiful and wonderful clients. And when I see every single day, every single week, they're bright eyes, and they're thankfulness for my work, it helps me a whole lot to say I'm doing something powerful. Thankfully, I have a business where I can choose who I work with. And in that same space, I choose to keep positive people around me. And I think that that really helps that self doubt to just kind of dissipate, everybody's going to come to a place where I'm not good at this, or I have to tell a client like this is not a good fit. But I know how much I bring to the table just because they see all the progress that we're making in our weekly meetings. Sometimes people doubt, you know, my, I have family members who still aren't sure how I make money online and what they think of my business, but I think that they know that I'm happy in what I do. And I think that the people who for some reason are not even connected to me. I have no. So you get those social media kind of crazies and they come in here. Those people they don't, they don't know who I am. It's like seeing somebody in the supermarket and they're like, well, your hair's messed up. You're like, Okay, I who this means nothing to me. So, I think the biggest thing is to know and to feel your value and to see that in what you're doing. That all comes back from like, I have a very solid space of that I know that I can produce good results for other people. And I am glad with what I'm doing. I'm happy to work on where I am and every single one of the business summon and it just kind of keeps that resilience pretty easy.

Yeah, I love that. So there's there's a whole bunch of perspective. This is the you know, keep your perspective, right like if you could sum it all up. Do you know these people do they matter to you and surround yourself with people that are positive people, people that believe in you and you believe in them? Diane, I have one more Question for you. Could you tell me how you deal with self doubt, and the doubt from others around you?

So for many years, self doubt, somebody introduced me to this. And we call it the itty bitty, shitty committee near the big city committees sat on my shoulder for many years saying, again, like I said, No, I couldn't possibly help a million multimillion dollar corporation. No, I'm not good enough. I need to take another course. No, you know, all those things that the itty bitty shitty committee says. And so, one of the ways that I dealt with that was having my own coach and my, a couple of coaches, and we used EFT, Emotional Freedom tapping and I will say, I can't say that self doubt completely goes away. New Level new devil, right? Yeah. And as our business grows, but we learn to kind of go, you know, tell that committee, excuse me, but I think I've got this, you know, I'm not going to argue with it, because that doesn't do any good. But I think I know my shit. And so yeah, I think I've got that. So, BD BD, shitty committee. Yeah. Everybody has it, just have to be come aware of it. And for some people, I know this to be true that their committee choir, whatever they want to call it is some person that they actually know, or some person that they have known in the past. So yeah, and say, Okay, I got this now. I'm good.

Question number five. How do you deal with self doubt?

It's a great question. And like I just said, everybody, at every stage, I've been facilitating personal development workshops for 30 years teaching coaches, how to be coaches, doing my own work. And I still have my moments where I was on a call with a coach of mine. And I am moving to playing a bigger game, playing on a bigger stage, putting all sorts of infrastructure in place that requires a lot more investment. And so I was mid leap, quick that way. With his mid leaf, and I was on the call with my coach, and I said, Oh, I'm gonna fall out of the sky and plummet to my death. He laughed and said, Okay, well, what do you need? And I really thought about, I looked at the image, and I said, Okay, well, it's too late to push off harder, even though harder is not often the solution. And I can't pull the other side closer to me, it is what it is, what do I need? And I thought, I need wings. If I had wings that would help me feel more confident about that. I'm not going to plumb it out of the sky. So then, okay, what are wings, comes back to my earlier comment, wings. As soon as I got off that call, I called in my wings, I called in people who could support me people that expertise scenarios I didn't, that I was trying to struggle with, that I had doubts about. I called in people who reinforced who I was, because the doubts that we have is that all BS story of not enough. It's a human is part of the human condition. We all have some version or not enough. So we need people who see us with fresh eyes, see us as who we really are, and reflect that back to us so that we can get rid of that not enough Gremlin and go Yeah, no, I, I do got this I am a badass in this area, I can do this. And not from a position of puffed up ego, but from a really get it who we are. But again, it's hard to generate ourselves we often need that reflected back to us reinforced. So call in wings, calling the people and the structure and the support networks that will reinforce the truth of you. So that's what I do when I get into my stuff. Either go look at my testimonials, I call a friend, or I get on a call with a coach to get out of my head and out of this whole, you know, stinking thinking and out into somewhere where I can get some perspective that isn't locked in this cycle. The spin cycle was someone who reminds me of who I really am so that I can then come back and choose again, because it's not that I don't have doubts, it's that I I call him the support I need to give them the rush and tell him to take a hike. And sometimes that takes a little longer than others. But every time I do it, it works.

Out Final question, Stephanie, how do you deal with self doubt and the doubt from others around your business,

I think it's definitely evolved over time how I react to those different things, if I'm gonna say, like, in the present now is, I just do things differently. And what I mean by that is like, I'm taking care of myself. So I make sure I'm walking every day, I have a coach that I work with, I don't even know what I call her, she's not a therapist, but she just like walks through life with me, and just, you know, I guess she's my spiritual coach, whatever you want to call her. And I speak to her every single week, and she's there for me, and it's someone that I speak to. So if you don't have a therapist, or some sort of coach or someone that's going to, like, literally hear everything about your life, you need to get one, you need to get one, you need to have somebody that is not your friend, they're not your business bestie they're just that person. And that's what she is to me. So when that kind of stuff creeps in, it's we have those conversations, or I send her a message. And you know, taking care of yourself, like I mentioned, I think is so important. So if you're mentally strong, then you can get through those moments a lot easier. And at the beginning of my journey, it was you know, I'm a mom to like all these littles so much is going on in the house. So when these things would creep in, it was just like, I would really get down on myself, because I didn't have the tools in place to help me get through. And now I have the tools in place, I know that I need to walk, I know that I need to go to the gym, I know that I need to talk to my coach every week, because it's going to be healing, and it's going to be good for me. So, and it's also, you know, doing affirmations, telling me that I'm a badass, you know, like telling me that I'm a great entrepreneur, and really, truly believing it, and repeating that stuff over and over again. And you might not believe it right away. But with time you will believe it if you keep repeating it over and over again.

Jeff, how do you deal with self doubt?

You know, I have struggled with the with not it's I don't know, if I call it self doubt. For me. What I struggled with was fear of success. You know, when somebody pays me to help them, what if I don't? Right? You know, and you just you have to push first of all, you just have to push through. But again, a coach is something that helps you with that. The first time I hired a coach, it was because I had a get this ahead of disk tests show that and I had that I was like a 90% The, but I was only showing up as a 25% V. Because somebody had a son, several somebodies had beat me down to try to show that I was showing I wasn't showing up authentically, you know, and and, and I let them do that, you know, again, I you have to own what what happens to you, right? But so I hired a coach and she helped me and I told I said this is why I'm hired a coach and he can you can't do this stuff on your own. Yeah, sometimes, and I'm not a big, you know, self help book reader. But some of those audios are great. And you know, and even if it's just calling a few even it's just a friend. You know, we all have friends we can just let unload on you know, your I guess I just need to unload some stuff. Some shift stuff

has t pound dollar sign outside so this is interesting because you're the first person that has alluded to something that I am a firm believer and which is that so often we're not afraid of failure, what we're more afraid of is the success of like, what happens if it really works? Because then my life is going to change? can I handle that change? What will happen to my other relationships, you know, so often we're just resistant, resistant to that success and the more that we can kind of wear down that resistance, the better it gets. And then the other thing is like you said hire a coach. I mean this podcast is called she coaches coaches for a purpose right? And the way I talk to my clients is I said okay, you cannot read the label from inside the jar and that is what a coach does. They look at the outside of the jar and they say Did you see that your directions say add water first right? It just it just helps them so much.

Yeah, one of my one of my coaches told me to eat he had no he had to hit had to tell me more than once. Do they know your rule? Rules.

Interesting. Oh, yeah.

I mean, holy cow. No, they don't know my rules. You know, I can't I can't expect other people to live up to my expectation, especially when I haven't told them what my expectations are.

Exactly. Final question, Lorraine. How do you deal with self doubt and doubt from others around your business?

Well, that's almost a daily occurrence.

Right? Of course, it's hard, but it's part of the world,

right? Yeah, yeah. Well, one of my favorite tools and my go to is EFT, tapping, I use all the woo tools, breath work, you know, when I really need to calm myself down deep breaths. ELP. Meditation is a daily occurrence. It's it's part of how I start my day and how I end my day, it's my book, book ends. Visualization. But But EFT is the quickest way to overcome that inner critic and the overwhelm, that can flooding in it just helps to clear that energy. And then you tap in all the goodness that you want to create in your day,

huh? Yeah, I agree. I love EFT tapping as well. And there's something I mean, yes, I think the process itself is really helpful with calming your nervous system. And then there's also the the voicing the thing that you're nervous about, you know, like voicing the problem voicing the challenge, admitting that it's there, acknowledging how you feel. And that just the awareness of bringing that to the surface and putting it out in the world. I think that is helpful alone. I find that too often, you know, people want to sort of add pink paint to a tough situation, they don't want you to say the thing that is hard, they don't want you to, you know, there may be like, always put a positive spin on it. But those are real emotions. And they're real thoughts that are in our heads, like, we might as well get them out and acknowledge them. It's part of the human experience, right? Just stuffing it down just doesn't do

it. So no, no, I always think you know, it's like pushing a beach ball under the water. Eventually, you're going to have to let go. And it's just going to pop up and create all sorts of havoc within you. So yeah, you

have actually bought into

shapes on the way too.

Yeah, right. Yeah, we've all had those moments. But yes, I mean, no emotion is negative. It's just, that's the energy around it. All emotions are valid, I truly believe that. But it's the ones we want to embody, that kind of get drowned out and all of those those heavier ones. So it's important to acknowledge them, and then we can clear them and then, you know, play with that beach ball above the water having fun.

Exactly. Toss it back and forth. So it's light and easy. Right.

Jan, last question. How do you deal with self doubt?

Let me tell you, I'd love to say that it just goes away. But it doesn't. This self doubt definitely kicks in one of the things that that? I definitely think you and you spoke to it. One other point in our in a conversation we had looking for that evidence of success. Every time I start to doubt I go the Hold on. I'm Is this true? Is this true? Because I also happen to know that I've done XYZ in the past. And I know that I achieved that. So is this true? And I would say that's, that's my biggest piece of advice and how that's how I overcome it. I first question is, is it true? And then I look for those that evidence of well what have I done before because I've done hard stuff before. So even if this is hard, I've done some really hard stuff in my life like most of us have. So the

last question that I have for you Shavon Is this how do you deal with self doubt and doubt from others perhaps around your business?

So this one was really what plagued my launch for this business when I was active duty so again, before I joined the military, I was super successful. Like anything I put my mind to, I would do it when I got into the military because it was such a different culture and I didn't thrive like I was is able to in my civilian world, I really was constantly looking for feedback. And because the military had programmed me to do so. And so on the one hand, I had a lot of people telling me in the business world, like, don't let other people dissuade you keep going. But I was newly married and been pregnant for most of this journey. And so there were people that I was responsible for, too. And the thing that helped me was, you one I didn't give up even when I wasn't sure what I was going to do. But to having that mental health check to be like, what information am I getting from these people? Are they important to me? And is it something that I need to take with a grain of salt or actually address and have a conversation with so for me, it was only my husband, that I paid attention to when he had some doubts. But for the most part, other people got where I was going. Am I knew that because I'm so driven, that they would, that they would support me, even though they had no idea that I had no idea what I was gonna do. So I leaned on that a lot to like, you'll me on those days when I was just like, ah,

yeah, there's no word to describe those days. Exactly. Ah, I just, you know, as you're, as you're speaking about this question about, you know, how do you deal with self doubt, what I really wanted to reflect back to you is that I appreciate your honesty, your transparency, that it was a struggle. And just know that sharing it here on this podcast is going to help somebody else. We all struggle with self doubt. And sometimes, somebody will just be like, I heard that woman. And the way she said it, it just connected with me. And so, you know, we're never going to know what that ripple effect is going to be. You're never going to know who you might have helped just with that. couple of sentences. So I just want to thank you. Sally, last question. How do you deal with self doubt?

Use funny, I don't have it anymore.

No, but this is good.

Yeah, okay. What did I do? I parented myself. And these are the first things anything, I could not say anything made a rule can say anything derogatory, negative, undermining. And first, it was a whole day. See, if you try it, you can't do it, do it for a whole day. And then I couldn't say anything undermining negative or derogatory about something I knew nothing about, which was the future, my future. I know other people's future, but not my own. Because I'm a psychic, and we can ever say our own stuff. And then finally, I learned to just relax. Because I figured out if I, you know, you get to a certain point, you figure out if you screw up, you're still going to survive.

You just go, Oh, my goodness, I just kept right on living. You know, it is not the end of the world if I make a bad choice, if I hurt for a second. But most of the you know, and then if you go back and analyze, because you know, we do get a little cerebral sometimes. And you figure out exactly where it went wrong. But then you go back and go, Why did I make that decision? What information was I using to make that decision? Half the time It's always somebody else's? It's not your own?

There's that same theme again? And the end the other thing, which is if it doesn't go? Well, it's not you. It's just the event is just the action is just that little task that didn't go well, but it's not that it's no reflection on you. Right. So you're still amazing is still 100% worthy, still potential unlimited potential of what you can create in the world?

Yeah, yes. And the final thing I want to add in a lot of people have probably already said this. But you don't have to have people like you to have a great life. It's not I mean, if people don't like you, it's not the end of the world. There are going to be people who do like you. And there are going to be people who don't like you. That is the point of your marketing. Just let people know who would like you.