Identifying and Dealing with your Ego with Amie Beniuk EP:30

Hello, my friends and welcome. You're listening to soul inspired decisions, a podcast for ordinary moms living extraordinary lives. My intention with this podcast is to teach, motivate and inspire by sharing stories, tools and strategies to help you unlock your greatest fears, annoying habits and old stories and make a move towards the things that have been on your heart. If you have been a little lost, or in a funk, and want to reconnect with your purpose, your passion and feel empowered again, then this is the best place for you to be hanging out. My name is Carrie linkway. And I'm an ordinary mom making extraordinary decisions. This is me putting one foot in front of the other, moving towards my next goal, and hoping to inspire you along the way. Let's get started. Hello, everyone, and welcome back. I am so excited to have my friend Amy here on my podcast today, who has been a really big part of my personal growth and healing journey. And I would like to introduce to you all Amy Benach, mom of two and a gifted healer who has worked very hard on getting to where she is today. And I'm so excited for us to have this conversation, which I chose the topic ego because I feel she's really into it. And we can just connect on this completely different level of, of all, all things that you go. So I really wanted to have this conversation with Amy and share it with you all and I'm so happy that our paths have crossed in the past. And so Amy's a mom of three and you can say hello or to sorry. Yes. Sorry. Yes, she's got a girl and a boy. And yeah, introduce yourself, Amy. Hello, and welcome. Hello.

Well, thanks for having me on. Like you said, I'm a mom of two too busy little, little ones five and three. Mm hmm. And, yeah, they just they keep me busy. I'm a stay at home mom, which I love. I have a background in social work, which I did for about 10 years before. Staying at home, I went back to work after my first and then just continued on after my mat leave staying at home with my second. And whether or not I'll go back. I'm not sure. But I'm enjoying the Reiki and the energy healing. And that's just where I feel my path is taking me so yeah,

well, yes. And so a couple years ago, I started with some coaches. It was a year long journey, looking to heal some things. And I was really tired of driving to the city and I believe in signs and following the signs. And so I had said to my sister, I'm looking I want to do some Reiki, I think that's my next step. And today clearing some things out. And I think that night, you probably posted that you were doing some distance Reiki healing, because it was the rules of the world where you're not allowed to see each other. So you were offering distance Reiki healing session, and I took that as a sign and we connected. And I blew in basically, I mean, we're also busy, but not I knew exactly what I wanted out of it. And we've never really talked before but I remember you saying after a while, like you knew exactly what you wanted, and it was so easy to work on you and move things. And I think that because I was I had been doing the work and trying to heal some old wounds and stories and things like that I knew exactly what I wanted to shift. And I felt so good after like it was such an amazing experience in the moment and just releasing some things and and then days afterwards so that really kind of connected me to you in this way that man I don't have to drive to the city anymore. I I have someone in my own hometown that is does incredible work. So can you tell our listeners what Reiki and energy healing does for who those who don't know?

Okay, well, it's kind of a broad question because it's really different for everyone. So specifically, Reiki Reiki is a, a healing modality that just uses universal energy, Source Energy, whatever terms you want to use. And just tapping into this universal energy, letting it flow through my body, and essentially I'm just the tool to direct it to what needs to be healed in the client. So it can be physical, it can be mental, emotional, spiritual, whatever. needed. That's just a really broad, I mean, it can be a relaxation tool. So I do, I do Reiki but I kind of put my own spin on it. So because I am highly intuitive, you do not have to be intuitive to be a Reiki practitioner. Anybody can be a Reiki practitioner, you lose, you learn the hand movements and and all the things, right. But just because I am so intuitive, I kind of put my own spin on things and I'm able to read the signs energy and kind of just know where the healing needs to happen. So each client is different. So the healing that takes place is going to be very, very different for each client. And I'm not sure what's going to happen until I'm in it. So the things that I personally tend to work on include like cleansing the a cleansing your energy, revitalizing your energy, working on any emotional blocks or spiritual blocks. I work with the chakra systems, which we can get into that, if any listeners don't know, but essentially, they're just energy centers in your body. So I work on making sure that those are activated and not not blocked. I really I can release promises and emotions help you work through any emotions that have been that have been that haven't been processed. So it's, it's a number of things. It really depends on on the client and what they're needing. And the funny thing is, is you may think you know what you need and then you get in there and it may be different. I really am a firm believer in getting to the root cause of any ailments. And I do want to say like, I'm not a doctor, I can't diagnose. If you have any physical conditions, obviously, work with your practitioners. But I just have to put that little disclaimer on it because I'm not a doctor. But I can help with Reiki can help with some like physical ailments. But lots of times if there's a physical, there's an energetic or emotional root cause so I really like to get to the root cause.

Yeah, your work is, is great. And that and I have seen many practitioners throughout the years. But you're right your twist on it, and how you deliver at the messages of where energy is being released or stored, or how you want to move it is. bang on. So I mean, I can have great conversations with other people. And just letting them know that if you want something and you want more clarity, that how you do it is so different, that it's refreshing, it's really quite inviting for people to want to move more into it and dig into more things and, and release in more areas. And just how you feel so much better by the end of it is incredible. And I highly recommend that if you are in the area and you can book with Amy, by all means, give it give it a shot, let her see what she can figure out with you and you'll be very impressed. Or if you're not in the Alberta area. There are many, many Reiki practitioners everywhere that if you're looking to heal something or why you can't move forward or past something, or you're looking for different answers, I highly recommend it as a healing tool for your journey. So I want to ask you, from the moment you decided to become, you know, you became a mom and you had your background in social work, where things started to shift for you into more of the healing world for you.

Well, actually, I ended up getting my Reiki level one and two certification back in 2016 before I was ever pregnant. I always have been drawn to Reiki even before I really knew what it was. I actually was into kind of the spiritual side of things since I was in high school so that's always been close to me, but I didn't hone in until I did my Reiki certification but I think for me like I did just go I have done many jobs in the social work field. And they've they've all taught me major lessons. But the one thing from job to job to job that I kept running into this wall was just because Whether it was government not for profit, regardless of which position I was in, there's very strict rules and guidelines for how you are supposed to interact with clients or do your job. And I found that I wasn't able to provide the support, I wasn't able to hold space for people, the way that I really, really wanted to, it was almost like, for me to, it was almost a boundary cross, if I were to, I just I was feeling like the systems in social work like just the government systems are so I don't want to see broken, but they're very, very flawed where, like I said, I like to get to the root of the problem. And I just felt like that was impossible. And I felt like I wasn't making the difference that I set up to make when I went to school. And I couldn't make maybe short term solution, but I wasn't truly helping people heal at the root level. And it didn't matter what position I was in. And once I found Reiki and I started doing this work, every single client with every single session, like, obviously, I'm not going to solve everyone's problems, and the client has to do the majority of the work. But it's so much more fulfilling, because there are no boundaries, there's no limits to how I can interact and what I can do and getting to the root of the causes. It's not just a band aid solution. It's really individualized and personalized. And I just could not find that in social work. And I just wasn't fulfilling my purpose. I've always known I wanted to help people. And I just, you know, I searched and searched and searched and I just was not finding them. So

sure. Yeah, I'd like that that makes total sense to me, in the process, that you came to discover all your areas of where you could help people where you were missing, because I felt that inquiry development as well. I mean, I could help people pursue their careers and figure out what they wanted to do with their life or when they want to want it to be grew up when they grew up. But there were pieces of conversation that were so deeply missed. And that was when we're all in my coaching, training and life skills training came in. So I went back to school, again, to fill in the void to then mash together all these pieces to do the work I do today. So you kind of have the same story just in completely different areas of life, which we really don't know what we want to do when we grow up. And when we follow our intuition. When we follow the science and we we follow the crumbles and the nudges that are put in front of us, then it we start to pick up on and follow or fall into the path that we're kind of meant to be on. And it's inspiring to me to watch you grow. And it's inspiring for others around us to watch our stories pursue and develop. And they're then inspired to do and pursue more of their own dreams, which is this is all about we're talking to women who make decisions to follow their dreams. Or however that may look to you and to to others. Our journeys are different, right. So it's very, very inspiring. But I, I want to connect with you, and Scott on the topic that you and I really like to talk about. And that is, okay, so we have all we have our life and our path moving along. And then there's something getting in the way. And what I'd like to talk to you about is what that is and that essentially is what stops us all from moving forward to pursuing our dreams to doing the thing that's on our heart. And that and our ego is essentially what that is, and what's stopping us is you actually have a really good way of describing what the ego is all about and how it works against us.

Alright, well, I mean, this is a topic I could talk for, like hours. So I'll try to keep it brief. But I mean, I just want to say like this is my my belief, my view of the ego. If it resonates great if it doesn't, that's okay too. But just with my own journey, and I mean, I have a coach as well that I've been working with for a year and a half going on two years. And just the things I've learned with her. So the ego the way I like to explain the ego, the ego. So in our in our life, we have these three parts of ourselves. We have our ego, we have our physical body, and then we have our higher self or consciousness. Whatever you want to want to word it. I'm just going to use our higher self That's just a term that I prefer to use.

And I just want to pause there. So for others who are, who have different beliefs, higher self, you can also some people talk to God or the universe or the angels or Buddha, whatever it is in your life, you can relate to just take it. Take the pieces that you can, from what Amy saying, and leave the rest behind. So just relate to it, how it feels right to you, there's Amy and I very much mesh in how we talk about the ego. So it's easy for me to understand what she's saying, but use your own words, when you're listening to this, when it comes out and and take what you will from it. Sorry, go ahead.

Yes, no, absolutely. So we have these three parts to our existence. And essentially, when we die, the body and the ego die. I personally believe that our higher self or higher consciousness continues to live on we're, we're eternal, we, we we don't stop existing in that way, that's my personal belief. And so what our ego does is it keeps us safe. So because our higher self knows that, you know, we don't ever die, essentially, it doesn't ever stop existing. If it wasn't for ego, we would walk off a cliff or walk across the road, and get hit by a vehicle because our higher self isn't afraid of death, because death isn't a thing for it, but it is for our bodies. So our ego keeps us safe in our physical bodies. So I actually don't think ego is a bad thing. Ego is not, it keeps us safe, it keeps us you know, it keeps us safe. It wants to keep us safe, but what ends up happening, because like, if we think about evolution, like back in, you know, back when, before we had, you know, like prehistoric times, it was just focused on keeping us safe now. And now we we don't have to like scrounge for our food and all those things. Right? Right. So next, and now it's like the patterns and the behaviors and the routines and the structures. So what happens is, I mean, our whole existence is built upon these series of like, learned behaviors, right? Like, we go through life, and we learn things throughout childhood. And when we grow up, and, you know, we have consequences and rewards and all these things. And so then our ego, you know, basically builds on that, and then it knows what it knows. It doesn't like our higher self, kind of feels all in it knows all right, like it's it's kind of all encompassing, but our ego doesn't have that foresight. We can't, our egos can't see, you know, the future, right? So if something is new, if you're, let's say you want to MIT tomorrow, make a change. Let's say you decide you hate what your job and you want to quit. Tomorrow, you're gonna you're gonna quit. But then our ego is like, no, no, no, no, that's scary. It's not known. We don't know what that's going to be like, how was it going to provide for us? And all the things that it starts question because it doesn't know it knows the stability that your current job has been giving you. It, it knows the routine. So it's, it scares the ego. And that's where those looping thoughts come from, is because it's, it's new. So even though you may not, like certain aspects in your current reality, I like to use this, but I apologize, I apologize if it's, you know, but who was better than the devil you don't write. So even if we're not totally satisfied with our current reality, or things that are in our life, it's easier than the unknown, the unknown is scary, because your ego can't comprehend it. So that's where you start to get those loopings thought cycles, or if you want to make this choice, but then you get scared out of it, or you start rationalizing yourself a bit. That's our Eagles way of trying to protect ourselves. So it's not doesn't mean to try and prevent you from things. It's just really wants to keep you safe. Because it's scary. The unknown is scary.

Right? Yes. And as we move forward, that plays into our decision making. And even though I don't talk about the ego, or this is the first time on the podcast, but in all the effort of the other episodes, it's about personal development, making the changes doing the thing that is that you still feels on your heart after all these years. And essentially, the reason that we don't move forward on these things that are so relevant in our heart and on our mind is, it's the ego coming up.

And that's like, that's a good example about like, the higher self versus the ego because, you know, like, I think we can all relate to something that we, we just have this deep sense of like, I know this is meant for me and it can be like a long term. This is the career I'm in for or maybe I'm meant to have children or This is my part like, partner or I'm supposed to go on this trip. Like, there's just, I think we can all think of a time where we felt. And it didn't make it, it may not have made any sense. But we just felt this deep sense of like knowing like, I need to do this. And it's so strong that you can't ignore it. And that's your Higher Self saying like, this is what's meant for you and like, this is where you're meant to go. And then it's the ego who can't see that doesn't have that forethought to see into the future. Right. So then that's where that disconnect happens. But that's yeah, that's kind of a good example. Because they think we can all relate to that feeling of that, knowing that and knowing that, there's more, or we need to make this decision, or we need to do that.

Yeah, I think you're right. And so what would you say to our listeners who have something on their heart, their mind, they're trying to make a decision, it could be career, it could be life, it could be marriage, it could be relationship, starting something new, going back to school, like all the things that goes through our mind as adults, because nothing's planned, you have this thing that's on your mind, you're ready to make a decision on it? What's the reason we don't make the decision on moving forward on it? Where does the ego come to play in that?

Again, like, if it's something new, that you have never done before, then it's scary. So then what happens is, your higher self is caught if you're following your heart or your intuition, or whatever you want to call it. And you know, but then all of a sudden, you decide to make the decision, and then you start second guessing it. And then it's kind of this vicious cycle of you feel it's so deeply, but then, because your ego like makes you question, like, let's say, for example, it's a job, you want a new job, you're going to quit your job. And you think it's a great idea. But then all of a sudden, your egos, okay, but how are you going to afford your rent to your mortgage payments? How are you going to like, how are you going afford life? Essentially? What about your benefits? What about all these things, and then you start to second guess yourself, and then all of a sudden, you're in this place that you're like, I don't know which way is up, and I don't know what choice is down.

So the safest, a confused mind, then essentially does nothing. And then we stay in the same job.

It's a good procrastination, exactly to where you're at. It prevents you from making that change and moving forward. Because change again to ego is scary. So it did its job. Right?

Yes. And then you'll look at yourself in five years, and be in the exact same place. So if this is you out there, this might be the episode for you to help you move through and to the next phase of your life, because that's what happens, you'll look back five years have gone by, and you're still in the same story, you're still in the same place, you still have this thing on your heart and you haven't moved towards it. But the comfortable zone is, is where you're Where you stay, because it's comfortable, and creating a new vision that your Higher Self is Trying to help you with, and trying to essentially put in front of you. Maybe Maybe it's time to open that open that box open that vision open that dream.

Absolutely. It's tough. It's tough, especially when you are I mean, I've been there so many I still, I mean, I'm very, like self aware. And I I have all the tools, the tricks, and I've been working at this and you know, you still get in the space. I mean, quite often, I still get in spaces where I'm like, Okay, now I just talked myself in a loop. And I literally have no idea what to think anymore. And I'm just sitting here confused and anxious. And I'm like, I give up, of course. And

I do the same thing. And I think that I think we should share our stories, because they're kind of similar in in a sense. But I started booking with coaches in 2019. And I was listening to the podcast kind of following along and they were offering a program. And in the moment, I just knew it was time. And it was an email popped up. And they asked the question if I wanted to join and it was in a moment of like, Yep, and it just happened so fast. Because when we're in alignment time does collapse when we're having fun time collapses and all of a sudden, I'm on this call and I'll send I'm committing and all of a sudden I'm committing to this payment and I'm wondering how I'm going to pay for it but I'm trusting that this is in alignment and then you hang up the phone and you've committed for yourself for a year I did and then it was instant like two days later like instant buyer's remorse and what are you What have you done? How are you going to do this? What how you're going to have time to do this and all the things and I think you have a story similar to the same thing but in when we look back it was completely aligned and meant for us that journey.

Yeah, absolutely. And it might mind is very, very similar. I started working with my co This summer will be two years. And for the for, like few years prior I had been considering it thinking about it. But just never, you know, found the right like, just I would see some coaches and I was like, oh, maybe but then I'm like I saw the liking, no, not happening. And that held me back for a long, long time. And then two summers ago, I was in this space with my kids where I felt like I was just constantly grouchy with them. I was yelling at them all the time. And I'm like, and I would be in the middle of yelling, and I'm like, I don't want to be this mom who yells at my kids. And I was just frustrated with them all the time. And they weren't really doing anything. Terrible. I was just frustrated all the time. And I'm like, I don't want to be this mom. And I was listening to a podcast, same thing. And my coach was a guest on this podcast. And I was like, Oh, my God, I need to work with her. I just instantly. And I went on her website, or like, I went on her Instagram page, I went on her website. And I like I you meet like, I didn't even I didn't even allow myself to think big. I just acted. And I messaged her right away. And we set up a you know, like a consultation and all the things and before I knew it, I was like looking. And I haven't looked back. But same thing. Like I just, it was just it was so strong. And I mean, it's one of those things like it's that fine line of I'm a firm believer that like, where you are is perfectly okay. Even if it's not where you want to be, it's okay to be where you are. There's no right and wrong, there's no wrong way to be, there's not You're not doing anything wrong. If you're not finding the motivation to take the next steps that you want to take. It's okay to be where you're at, it's okay to not be ready. But then it's like it's a fine line of like, pushing past it. So like for me for the couple of years of coaching I was I wasn't motivated, and I wasn't motivated. And I wasn't, there wasn't enough motivation. And then it just happened to align. And I found the person and I like I just acted and and it was so strong. It was so strong that there was no I couldn't say no, like it was written in the stars for me. And you know, here I am almost two years later, a completely different person.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And, and yours, maybe a bit about parenting in them. And the mom you want it to be my mind was a mine was a, I had some something going on with my body and I couldn't understand it, we couldn't figure it out. And I'd been to doctors and, and trying to do all the things. And I just became uncomfortable and not wanting to deal with it or live with it or have it anymore. So I was looking to heal some things. And in not only did I heal so much of that through my journey with my coaches, but I also gained clarity even though it was so dark and so hard. And so many times it really the ego comes up and questions you and doubt you, you put in all these negative dark feelings and thoughts. And then all of a sudden you see some light. And then you and you feel like you've come up for air. And it's so Oh, this is why I'm doing this, this is what I wanted, this is what I committed to but you have to go through the dark stuff, to be empowered to keep moving forward to see the flow. Like we have these of them in the end these flows. And your journey is not always going to be all sunshine and flowers. I mean, that's that's fake. That's fake news. When you want to be real, all the things, you know, the self doubt the ego, the emotions and feeling them and not sweeping them under the rug anymore, really become evident. And our ego will try to keep us back because the ego doesn't like the new it likes to keep us safe.

I mean, and I can relate to that. So much like the last year and a half has been the best but truly probably one of the hardest, like, year and a half of my life and just uncovering some deep truths. And you know, like you said, I was in these spaces of like, I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I just again following that. The only thing in some of those moments was my intuition saying like, you need to keep going. And that little nudge was the only thing keeping me and you know, like even this, this it's funny because this fall I went through a period and at this point, I had been working with my coach for over a year. I have deep trust and love for my coach. I truly feel like a friendship bond with her all the things but I went through this phase of like, questioning everything and I was questioning her I'm like, Are you just using me for a paycheck? How do I know that like you're not manipulate like, you know, I like my ego was spit and I had you know developed like it's It was over a year. And I mean, I talked to my coach, pretty much every day, mate like probably six days a week, even now, six days a week. At the time, I was having weekly phone calls, like, like zoom calls, chats with her. I mean, I had been working, I probably was closer to her then some of the people in my like, like my friendship. And all of a sudden, my ego was like, Wait, how can we trust this person?

I went through that too, as well. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I went through a period of just, and not only that, but like, questioning friendships, questioning all my relationships, questioning what like what I was doing with my life, like just the stark like, just I was so confused about life, like, it was, it was wild.

Yeah. And I think it's important to point out that when we're working with the ego and trying to figure things out, and who we are, and what we want to be as a person, as a mom, as a as what we see our future being this, my journey has nothing to do with my husband, our marriage, our kids, anything like that. That was, that was not what it was about. It was me healing, all childhood wounds, all self doubts, all negative thoughts that have come up like this. When we talk that we're working with coaches and working through the ego, it has nothing to do really with, with my husband, he just knew I was working with a coach and I'm trying to heal things. He didn't get it. That's okay. It's my thing, not his, he's logical, I'm more spiritual, he wants the facts, I want the will will. I believe in science, he does not, you know, and it wasn't his journey. It was mine. And he respected that. But through that journey, he did see a happier person moving towards goals and healing some things my body was healing, the what was happening started to disappear, like all the things. So he trusted that I was doing the right thing for me. And it was a lot of a little bit of mental health, it was a little bit of coaching, it was a little bit healing. But it was the journey of essentially getting through all the, the, the self sabotage that we create on ourselves. And when we're moms, especially with young kids, that's all our world is, that's all we see. And that's all we know. And that's all our conversations are. And it's, it's like you can't get come up for air, and you don't know who you are, and you feel lost and lonely and all the things and just looking for that he kind of it's like you kind of hit rock bottom as a person, because you're then growing into this new person that you then want to be because the old no longer exists. But it's inviting that ego getting out of the old and into the new that we start to move past and create new patterns and new socks. But sticking with it is key because the ego will allow us to quit at any moment.

And I like to think of it instead of like fighting with the ego, which I have to remind myself also like it's for me, it's more about working with the ego. So I mean, if you like we can get into some strategies that I mean, I found helpful with my ego. But one thing that I always like to do when my ego is very, very, like present is just reminding my ego that I'm so I'm it's like I'm literally having a conversation with myself as a child or something like that. Because I'm I'll have these thoughts, these ego thoughts, these swirling thoughts and stuff, they keep me in loops, and I go stop. Thank you for trying to keep me safe. I am safe. Stop. And then it's like, and there was this one this one day that I can't remember what I was going through something. And I was changing a belief structure or something. And my ego was fighting and fighting. And it was every probably every minute for good 3045 minutes that I was Thank you for keeping me safe. I am safe. I'm going to move on now. And it was just like continuing to talk to it and reminded and like, I always just find like thanking my ego for trying to keep me safe and just reminding it that it is safe can be really helpful because but it might still pester you like I had to like I said I had to do it probably every other minute for a good half an hour before it stopped. Just to kind of keep and it was really really tedious. But then after that it released an electro and I didn't have the swirling thoughts anymore. So that's one thing. Instead of fighting against and being like, shut up, stop, whatever. It's just like thank you I like I appreciate you. Thank you for keeping me sane If, and I am saying, like you did your job, you're doing your job. We can move on now.

Yeah. And my strategy for a different side of different perspective is when those looping thoughts get into our brain, and we can't shake them and, and they overwhelm us to the point that it's really like we're in a fight flight or freeze mode, with our own personal, whatever's happening. And I had to, oh, gosh, I wish I knew the book. I don't think it was Brene Brown, another big healer. But the question that she asks, is, one of the questions she asks is just stop and ask yourself, Is it true, and that I picked up the book, I wish I knew what the book was, I probably have it on my shelf here. But I picked up the book and I like turned to it. And it was exactly what I needed at the time. Because it was like this aha moment of this is not true. This is me creating this story and it is not true. And it you're overwhelming yourself. And you're it ridiculous, and you're trying to control. And but it's not true. And it was the moment that I knew I had to, I had to work towards and change something because I was out of control. And my kids are just hanging out in the back having snacks. Like they have no idea what's going on in my mind and my thought process. But inside I'm fighting myself, trying to figure out what the heck's going on and trying to beat myself up, but I don't want to do that anymore. I want to move past these spots and, and live a happier life that's more free and flowing. But I had to do the work to get to a point even get to that point. And it's exhausting. Sometimes.

It is. I mean, I think the the best Well, I don't want to say the best. But one of the ways is just like be a becomes that self awareness and trying to stop it before it really gets to that point. But of course, that's not always possible. I mean, with all the work that you know. I mean, I've been on the street for many, many years. And I've done like intensive work for almost two years. And and I still get caught up in those loops. So you know, I'm sure, yeah. And then those moments, I think, you know, what, what do you have to do to survive that moment? What do you have to do to get yourself out of that moment. And sometimes you just need, I mean, there's a number of ways you can get yourself out of it. Sometimes just planting your feet on the earth and grounding yourself and putting your hand on your heart and taking a few really deep breaths can help you center yourself. But also, just knowing like, you might just have to go through that swirling loops, and just let it ride itself out. Because it will end eventually that that storm will end. And then you'll you'll have clarity, I mean, my only recommendation is, you know, don't make any decisions. When you're in that looping that loop, let it ride itself out first, but

not real overreact. Because our husbands or partners will be like, What is going on? What are you doing what like, and they don't even know how to react. And that's not what we're trying to create. It's has nothing to do with them most of the time.

Slowly, but just knowing that, you know, if all you can do is just ride it out, then I mean, you're do the best you can. And if that's the best you can do, then that's great. You know, yeah, for sure. And I think you're at the point where the strategies aren't working anymore, you just ride it out, you know, journaling can be really helpful. I noticed, like when my ego was really, really loud and just won't stop. Sometimes I have to do just a brain dump. And I just journal, everything that wants to come out. And the thing is, we can have these ego thoughts. But again, what you said is it true, really, is really helpful because you can allow your because lots of times our ego just wants to be heard. It just wants to have its voice. And so and this may not be true for everybody. But I found with me, I was at at a point where I was just like, stop, stop, stop talking, stop talking, stop having your thoughts stop annoying me stop, like, and I was just trying to shove it down. And then finally, when I just allowed it to have its voice, whether that was Sterling, whether it was just sitting there in a space, like in the safe space where I could just let the thoughts swirling my head, whatever that may be, but I just let it kind of get it out and knowing in the back of my mind that I don't have to subscribe to these thoughts. So I can have these crazy, maybe even toxic thoughts. But knowing that I don't have to actually subscribe to them and believe them, I can write them down. I can think them but I don't have to hold on to them and I don't have to believe in them.

Right and then for those of you don't feel safe writing it down. Really writing it down is a really great way to clear and You know, if you don't, if you truly don't want anybody to find them or see them rip up right away and throw them in the trash, I mean, I had a client who took them to a gas station ripped them all up and put them there. So they wouldn't, she knew that they would never be found in her circle. And that was very important to her. But she did the work, she released it. And that was very powerful moment for her.

Like, and I know, there's some, like, I know that I'm not a huge, huge journaler either, like I will. But for people who are more talkers, or, you know, if there's a safe person that you can talk to, and just say, Hey, I'm going to say some really terrible things are really things that aren't true, I just want to be able to see them, I don't want you, you know, set up the bouncers. Like, I don't want you to say anything back, I don't want you to believe them, I just need to get them out. Or I mean, I personally I'm, I process my on my own, I do better just by myself on my own. And I'll just allow the thoughts to present like, I won't try to shove the thoughts down. So I won't say it out loud. I verbally say it, but I just, I let the thoughts come out. So I will actively think them and let them flow out and then release them. So instead of like trying to control the thoughts if Does that makes sense? Like? Yes, sorry. And I apologize if it doesn't other people. But like, instead of like, we'll have these thoughts. And then we're trying to like rationalize the thought or second guess the thought or shut down the thought, just letting the thought happen and flow. And I think that's what I mean about not, you don't have to believe it, you can even still have the thought. But you don't have to believe it. So you can just let it be what it is, and then it'll release and go away. So even just allowing the thoughts to come up, it can be really helpful, because then the ego will have its tantrum, and then it'll quiet out after once it feels like it's heard it'll fight down. So I find like a lot of the times when it's fighting back is usually because we're trying to talk ourselves out which sometimes the talking ourselves out of can be really helpful. Like I said, you know, sometimes I will do Okay, thank you for keeping me safe stop. But lots of times and I mean whatever works for you in whatever stage you're at. But for me that strategies works really good when I noticed it's starting to bubble like I noticed those first inklings. And it's, it's not overwhelming. When it gets to the point where it's overwhelming personally, for me, I need to I just need to let the ego habits tantrum. And I mean, I do this with clients or friends, family, whoever needs this space. Like, I this was my sister one time she was going through a rough time and I was like, he get mad at me. She's like, Well, I'm not mad at you. I'm like, you have anger you need he, your ego knees, attach them. Throw it at me. And she finally and so I kind of poked at her until she finally she's like, Okay, I really need this out. But just she needed to get she needed to let her ego habits tantrum and say all the horrible things that it was thinking. And then she felt immensely better after but it's it's allowing it to have its voice and getting it out. And then you'll notice it'll be calm, you'll have your clarity after. Sometimes it just needs to have its voice and it needs to be heard. Yeah,

that's fair. Um, so to switch on such a deep topic, but so once we're in, we've done all that we've let it go, we've discovered it we've, it's not true, or whatever we need to do we need to we need to then move forward with our day because we got 100 things to do in a day. What do you suggest we do to flip when we're trying to ground ourselves again, or find our happiness or find our joy to then shift and moving to a better mindset for the rest of rehearse for day really?

Well, my biggest thing, maybe my biggest suggestion is find when you need that shift, pick something that brings you joy. And I know we had talked about this before, and it can seem very daunting to Well, I don't know what brings me joy. But something that's really, really slow. And I like to tell people because I know that especially if we're for moms or parents, I mean just in general, we're always so busy and we may not have a whole lot of time. So my example like the thing for for me, the thing that brings me joy, the things that grounds me centers me is drinking a cup of coffee, I love I love coffee, I love the taste of it, I don't drink it to wake me up all the things I just I love coffee. So I'll just brew a hot cup of coffee, and I'll sit and hold it with two hands. And I'll just sit my coffee for like five minutes and just enjoy and be in the present and that will that kind of recenter me brings me back to myself and it's something that only takes me a few minutes. Another thing is going outside and putting my face to the Sun if the sun's out or taking couples really deep breath of fresh air showers. For me, I love shower showers are very cleansing. If you're a bad person, it can be a bath, just find something that's really, really simple that kind of grounds you and brings you back to yourself and brings you like even a little bit of joy. That'll kind of, like recalibrate you. And then you're you can choose at that moment now to move on. Like that'll kind of bring you back to yourself. And like, it sounds simple, you might have to really think about what brings you joy, it might be a process. But then once you find one or two little things, start incorporating them daily, and the more you can incorporate them, the more that you're going to bring that that joy energy. And when we're in that joy, we're in our alignment, and then we're able to kind of have the competence to move forward. And, you know, and like make those decisions. Right, like when we're in that alignment and that joy, the egos not quite as loud. That's true.

Very true. Yes. Yeah. And for me, when I was first asked what, tell us what brings you joy, and as like, brings us what like, I, you know, three years ago, I couldn't even answer the question. It took me three weeks to like, what, what am I actually like, What do I like, because I don't know who I am anymore. I'm so lost in this world of being mom that I don't know who that is anymore. So it took me a really long time. But when it came back to it really is running, I mean, I have done over 53 races, I'm somewhere along the lines, I must really like running and I had to it was just something I did. But I didn't know that I enjoyed it as much as I did, I kind of forgot. But that was a very powerful piece for me. From myself, I like to go under the moon. So I'll wrap myself out and blankets and I'll look at the moon or I'll I am really good at checking the app for Northern Lights. So I'll set a timer and I'll go in the middle of the night and check for Northern Lights. And then I'll just sit outside by myself and look at the stars in the northern lights. So those are a couple of things that that I really love to do and just be present outside. The being outside is very grounding for me.

I really love it and it and they know another one and this is this is my from my coach has has taught me this. So if you're a person who's like, I have no idea what brings me joy. One that I just like to suggest and it takes 1020 seconds of your time is put your hand on your heart, close your eyes, and take three really big breaths. So in for five counts hold for five counts out for five counts and do it three times. And that's a really good recentering um, I personally when I'm really like agitated or I'm in those swirling thoughts, I like to do it outside with the fresh air. That that's a really, it's a really centering and grounding. And if you want to, you know, extra grounding, plant your feet on the ground and feel the ground under your feet. If you can go barefoot outside, obviously right now, in Alberta, we are still under snow. So you might not want to do that. But just hand on your heart and three really big cleansing breaths. And then that will, that'll center you. So anytime you're struggling, that's a really good tool to kind of bring you back. And again, it might feel tedious at first. And it might be something that you don't automatically think of. But it's just something you kind of might need to practice.

Yeah, and we all start somewhere we all, we all start at the bottom, we don't, don't just jump in knowing all the things to do and what we feel grounded and what feels gives us joy. It's a process of getting to know yourself again. So give yourself some time, give yourself some grace to explore the things. If you find yourself relating to any pieces in our conversation today, then take the pieces that you can and put them into practice and see where that where that takes you. It's there's no end to the journey of personal development, career development, spiritual fulfilment, healing, there's no end to it. Because as soon as you heal one area, as soon as you level up in one area, and you fix all the things and you discover all the things, it all cycles again, because we're all evolving. And that's just the way it is if you're comfortable. You're not growing. And that's essentially your egos got you right where, where it wants you. But are you going to be happy in five years? Are you going to be happy when you're when you're six years old? Are you going to look back at your life at 19 You're like, wow, why don't I make a move on the thing. And this is allowing you to have permission to explore that explore the vision, a trust that it's for you and and there might be some work to get Did that vision, but it's asking yourself the questions or the looping stories of is it real? Is it true is this for me, and figuring out where you want to go if with your story and how you want your future to look like and evolve, you might be ready for a change. This might be the episode for you to start that and understand why it's important to you. So, Amy, I just have one more question for you. I know we've already this went very fast this. Yes, super fast, but I love it. I like this conversation. What is the most important message that you would like to leave our listeners today on this topic?

I think my biggest thing that I want everyone to know is, regardless of where you are, in your life in your journey, it's okay to be where you are. It's okay. If you're struggling, it's okay. If you're not where you want to be, it's okay if you're not ready to make the leaps. Just honoring yourself, where, where you're at, and allowing yourself to be where you're at being gentle with yourself and patient with yourself. When you're ready, you'll make the leap. So you'll you'll make the changes that I just want you guys to know that it's okay to be where you are. And there's nothing wrong with you or where you are where you're at. So just just be gentle and kind to yourself. And of course find your joy. Find those little nuggets, those little moments to find the joy.

Yeah, I love that. That's great. I love all everything you said I love our conversation tonight. And where can our listeners find you you on Instagram and Facebook?

Yes I mean I'm not super super active because that's not something that I'm great at but my on Instagram I'm essentially essentially underscore Amy and on Facebook I am is essential energy with Amy

and will when will definitely put all those links on the bottom. So if you're looking for some healing, if you're looking for some clearing, you will definitely want to hook up with Amy over the next year and see where as your your journey and path takes you with her. It's quite an amazing journey. I thank you for your time tonight. It's been so much fun. I love that we can talk about this. I love that we can be open and go deep into conversation and it's really an honor to have you here.