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Having friends outside of your typical peers can be some of the most rewarding and I want to share the top 10 reasons why, as a parent, it is beneficial to have your child be friends with all generations from the young to the very mature.
How does it affect your parenting? Your child? Their future? Tune in for this quick, but impactful episode!
About the Host:
Nellie Harden is a wife of 20+ years, mom to 4 teen/tween daughters, dreamer, adventurer, servant, multipreneur, forever student, and a devoted teacher, but her ride-or-die passion is her work as a Family Life Coach & Mentor.
Coming from a career background in marine mammal sciences, behavioral work, and a host of big life experiences, both great and not some not so great, she decided that designing a life of purpose and freedom was how she and her husband, along with their 4 daughters, wanted to live.
Her work and passions exist in the realms of family and parent mentorship because she believes that a family filled with creativity, fun, laughter, challenge, adventure, problem-solving, hugs, good food, and learning can not only change a person’s life but is the best chance at positively changing the world.
She helps families build Self-Led Discipline™ & Leadership Into their homes, sets their children up for a wildly successful life on their terms, and elevates the family experience with big joy, palpable peace, and everyday growth!
With a lifelong passion and curiosity in thought, choice, behavior, and growth she has found incredible joy in helping families shift perspective, find answers, and a path forward.
(Nellie has been coaching families for over 10 years and has degrees in Biology, Animal Behavior and Psychology. )
LINKS:
Family Success Vault- https://www.nellieharden.com/vault
Website- https://www.nellieharden.com
Online Community- https://www.facebook.com/groups/the6570project
Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/nellieharden/
Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/nellie.harden/
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Hello and welcome to the 6570 family project
Nellie Harden:podcast. If you are a parent of a tween teen or somewhere on the
Nellie Harden:way, this is exactly the place for you. This is the playground
Nellie Harden:for parents who want to raise their kids with intention,
Nellie Harden:strength and joy. Come and hear all the discussions, get all the
Nellie Harden:tactics and have lots of laughs along the way. We will dive into
Nellie Harden:the real challenges and raising kids today how to show up as
Nellie Harden:parents and teach your kids how to show up as members of the
Nellie Harden:family and individuals of the world. My name is Mellie Hardin,
Nellie Harden:big city girl turn small town sipping iced tea on the front
Nellie Harden:porch mama, who loves igniting transformation in the hearts and
Nellie Harden:minds of families by helping them build self love, discipline
Nellie Harden:and leadership that elevate the family experience, and sets the
Nellie Harden:kids up with a rock solid foundation, they can launch
Nellie Harden:their life on all before they ever leave home. This is the
Nellie Harden:6570 family project. Let's go
Nellie Harden:Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the 6570
Nellie Harden:family project podcast where we are putting aside the power
Nellie Harden:struggles and finding the way to lead our young women toward the
Nellie Harden:confidence, respect and wisdom that they need to prepare them
Nellie Harden:for the outside world. And today, we have a great topic
Nellie Harden:that a lot of parents really don't think about, but is super
Nellie Harden:important to me. And a huge part of development, especially of
Nellie Harden:perspective. So today, we're going to talk about the top 10
Nellie Harden:reasons why it is so important to have multi generational
Nellie Harden:relationships for your kids. And what I mean by that is not just
Nellie Harden:your 10th grader being friends with other 10th graders or your
Nellie Harden:sixth grader being friends with other sixth graders, that is
Nellie Harden:important, but it is really important to to bust out of
Nellie Harden:those constraints and those boundaries, and have friends
Nellie Harden:that are younger and older. So that we can start to gain a lot
Nellie Harden:of this perspective and wisdom. So that really is our number one
Nellie Harden:reason right there, your child will see and hear things from
Nellie Harden:other people's perspectives. Now perspective is something that we
Nellie Harden:gain along life's path. And we just keep gaining more and more
Nellie Harden:and more. Think about every experience as a new lens that is
Nellie Harden:being put into the great telescope that you view life
Nellie Harden:with. Every one's perspective is very different. There's not a
Nellie Harden:single pair of people that does or ever has, or ever will exist,
Nellie Harden:that has the same exact perspective because we all live
Nellie Harden:different lives. And when your child can see and hear things
Nellie Harden:from other people's perspectives, then it broadens
Nellie Harden:that idea for them. And it's not just the this is my way or the
Nellie Harden:highway. And this is what I think and I'm going to throw out
Nellie Harden:anything that anyone else thinks right? In our teen and tween
Nellie Harden:world, especially for our young women today, it is very easy to
Nellie Harden:walk that line, they are simultaneously being told that
Nellie Harden:what you want is what you should have, and it is your way or the
Nellie Harden:highway and you know the heck with everyone else. But also at
Nellie Harden:the same time saying we need to accept and fully embrace
Nellie Harden:everybody. And it's very confusing for our young women.
Nellie Harden:And so when we can hear things from other people's
Nellie Harden:perspectives, especially people that have lived in multiple
Nellie Harden:generations with multiple quote unquote, trends and things like
Nellie Harden:this, then it can give so much more perspective to our young
Nellie Harden:women today as to what's happening right now. Because if
Nellie Harden:they're living in the fishbowl of what is happening right now
Nellie Harden:and thinking this is the way it always has been and always will
Nellie Harden:be, then that can be a really tough place when things
Nellie Harden:inevitably change because we all know that they will. And so
Nellie Harden:hearing things from other people's point of view can kind
Nellie Harden:of break that fishbowl a little bit and help them see things
Nellie Harden:more from an aerial point of view, and how things are
Nellie Harden:constantly changing in world culture in school culture and
Nellie Harden:child culture. And, and all of those. So seeing and hearing
Nellie Harden:things from other people's perspectives is gold. And then
Nellie Harden:we have number two, which is wisdom from people who have
Nellie Harden:actually been there, right? Maybe your child is in a
Nellie Harden:relationship and they're all you know, flustered and they don't
Nellie Harden:know what to do and you've tried talking to them, but you're just
Nellie Harden:the parent and they don't want to necessarily listen to you. So
Nellie Harden:maybe there's somebody else that they can talk to someone who has
Nellie Harden:really fallen in love someone who has really had these
Nellie Harden:experiences. and can hear them out, right? Maybe there's
Nellie Harden:something happening in the world, and there's conflict in
Nellie Harden:the world. And they're feeling very heavy about that. And they
Nellie Harden:want to talk to somebody that has been there during other
Nellie Harden:world conflicts, right? How that made them feel. Maybe they are
Nellie Harden:going through some sort of obstacle, and this other person,
Nellie Harden:no matter what age they are, they have been through that
Nellie Harden:obstacle before. In fact, one of my daughters is very interested
Nellie Harden:in acting. And so we happen to know somebody that is a child
Nellie Harden:actor. And so I recommended getting on the phone with that
Nellie Harden:person. And because this other young lady is younger than my
Nellie Harden:daughter, she was like, I could not, I could not get advice from
Nellie Harden:someone younger than me, I was like, girl, she has way, way,
Nellie Harden:way, way, way, way more experienced than you do. So this
Nellie Harden:would be a really good conversation to have. And it
Nellie Harden:breaks. And through that conversation that we had, I was
Nellie Harden:able to break through some of her resistance to I am this age,
Nellie Harden:I cannot learn from someone younger than me, I can mentor I
Nellie Harden:can teach, I can lead someone younger. But I cannot be taught
Nellie Harden:by someone younger than me, which we all know, as we get
Nellie Harden:older man is going to happen a lot. So it's a good thing to
Nellie Harden:start learning early and good conversations to have. So number
Nellie Harden:three is reinforcement of your own parenting from others. So in
Nellie Harden:this one, maybe someone or something is happening in your
Nellie Harden:home. And there's a little bit of a wall up between you and
Nellie Harden:your child, because there's some you know, maybe the wall is made
Nellie Harden:out of some animosity, some frustration, some embarrassment,
Nellie Harden:some, I don't want to do it because I don't want to do it.
Nellie Harden:You're telling me because you're just trying to get me to do what
Nellie Harden:you want me to do type of thing, right? I know you're I can, I
Nellie Harden:can hear and feel you all nodding at me right now. So
Nellie Harden:maybe talking to another person would look like, I know this
Nellie Harden:feels hard right now. But they are really doing this because
Nellie Harden:they love you. And I've seen what happens when parents don't
Nellie Harden:do this. And that's not where you want to be. Right? So
Nellie Harden:reinforcement of your own parenting very powerful. Number
Nellie Harden:four, is others can lift them up in ways that you can't, right.
Nellie Harden:You're so beautiful, is told to you by your husband sometimes.
Nellie Harden:And you're like, Oh, thank you, you know, and then your neighbor
Nellie Harden:who you don't even know as well says, Wow, you look really
Nellie Harden:beautiful today. And you're like, well, thank you really,
Nellie Harden:really? Oh, wow. Well, thank you so much, right? And so getting
Nellie Harden:compliments, and really getting lifted up from other people can
Nellie Harden:be very, very powerful. My kids tell me all the time, if they
Nellie Harden:walk in, I'm like, Wow, you look really beautiful. Today, you
Nellie Harden:have to say that you're my mom. And I was like, Well, no, I
Nellie Harden:don't have to say it. And yes, I am your mom, but you really are
Nellie Harden:beautiful today. But I know that if they went out and somebody
Nellie Harden:else told them that they were beautiful that it would mean
Nellie Harden:even more. So just some, some cues there to always lift up
Nellie Harden:other people, right? Number five, you can gain insight of
Nellie Harden:your child from different perspectives of the people that
Nellie Harden:they are with. And that is really key. Because, again, we
Nellie Harden:only see through our one lens, right, our one telescope, if you
Nellie Harden:will, that's filled with our hundreds of 1000s of lenses of
Nellie Harden:perspective we've collected along the way. And so when we're
Nellie Harden:seeing it one way, maybe somebody else that's talking to
Nellie Harden:them, and then you talk to them afterwards can see it from an
Nellie Harden:entirely different perspective and give you clarity that you
Nellie Harden:just never knew was there before, right? So what others
Nellie Harden:you can see what others see. And your children can many times
Nellie Harden:show different faces to different people, right? So you
Nellie Harden:see one side, and they're showing another side to somebody
Nellie Harden:else. And so that is another exposure that you can have in
Nellie Harden:order to get to know your child more. And you're when you're out
Nellie Harden:there and people tell you about your kids. Like, I get told a
Nellie Harden:lot. You know, your children are just so polite. They're so grown
Nellie Harden:up and I do not say that to my own horn. What I'm saying is
Nellie Harden:when I am home and there is ruckus and chaos, and there is
Nellie Harden:you know, Sr, SAS and there is all these things happening. And
Nellie Harden:I'm like, oh my goodness, right? And then I go out in public. And
Nellie Harden:you know, they're still doing some of that, but we're just
Nellie Harden:being our normal, goofy selves. And I have someone come up and
Nellie Harden:say your girls are so polite and so well mannered. I'm like,
Nellie Harden:really? Oh, well, thank you so much, right? It's hard to see
Nellie Harden:when you're so close and so other people bring the
Nellie Harden:perspective of backing up and seeing what's really going on.
Nellie Harden:Alright, and another one number six, is it is more realistic to
Nellie Harden:the real world to have multi generational relationships
Nellie Harden:right. Once they graduate High School and they are not in their
Nellie Harden:class anymore. They are thrust into either the workforce or
Nellie Harden:university setting where there is multiple different, different
Nellie Harden:ages. And so if we can get them communicating effectively with
Nellie Harden:older generations and younger generations before they leave
Nellie Harden:home, than they will be set up with that much more their self
Nellie Harden:esteem, right? How they value and appreciate your themselves
Nellie Harden:will be so much more equipped, if we can do that and give them
Nellie Harden:those experiences before they leave home. And then teaching
Nellie Harden:the younger generation. So now I'm specifically talking about
Nellie Harden:younger generations there. It gives them a leadership role, a
Nellie Harden:teaching role, a caregiving role, and it really does keep
Nellie Harden:them young too. It helps them realize when they are, you know,
Nellie Harden:in their tweens, and they're in middle school, and they're like,
Nellie Harden:I cannot, you know, quote, unquote, play anymore, I can
Nellie Harden:only hang out, but then maybe a neighbor kid comes over or a
Nellie Harden:cousin or even a younger sibling, and all of a sudden,
Nellie Harden:they are doing Legos, and they're maybe even I don't know,
Nellie Harden:playing with dolls, or doing makeup and all these things. And
Nellie Harden:they're like, Oh, well, we're just still hanging out, we're
Nellie Harden:not playing, but you know, that they're playing. So that's okay,
Nellie Harden:we want them to be able to enjoy all the aspects of imagination
Nellie Harden:and play play is so important. There's experts on play out
Nellie Harden:there for even adults. And so we don't want to ever put play on a
Nellie Harden:shelf, right, and being around younger people that allows them
Nellie Harden:to keep play an active in their life. And then obviously, having
Nellie Harden:friends of the same age is very beneficial because it helps them
Nellie Harden:because they're going through the same challenges many of the
Nellie Harden:same challenges, right, they're being exposed to the same
Nellie Harden:things. They have different perspectives from different
Nellie Harden:families. But they can, you know, they're having the same
Nellie Harden:history test, or they're are going to the CTS, at the same
Nellie Harden:time, they're having end of year exams at the same time, those
Nellie Harden:type of things are very, and not to mention, maybe they have
Nellie Harden:grown up with them for a long time. So there's long term
Nellie Harden:relationships in there, too. And then number nine is learning how
Nellie Harden:to cultivate friendships. You know, if we just gave them the
Nellie Harden:small pool of, of children, or kids or teenagers that are in
Nellie Harden:their class, then that is a very small pool compared to the
Nellie Harden:world. And so when we can teach them how to go out and make more
Nellie Harden:friendships, both older, same age and younger, then they're
Nellie Harden:going to have that much more practice on how to cultivate
Nellie Harden:friendships. And it really is a beautiful thing. And lastly, is
Nellie Harden:independence, right? They don't have to rely on you for all of
Nellie Harden:their entertainment, they don't have to rely on you for all of
Nellie Harden:their guidance, you are their primary guidance, hands down,
Nellie Harden:you are the family architecture, as parents, you are building
Nellie Harden:designing and planning with them in the second half of childhood.
Nellie Harden:But you don't have to do it alone. This is the village
Nellie Harden:concept, right? It takes a village. And so they can go out
Nellie Harden:and seek guidance from other people bring it back, digest it
Nellie Harden:with you digest it with themselves and their quiet time
Nellie Harden:and all of these things. So independence is definitely part
Nellie Harden:of that. So those are a lot of reasons right there, why it's so
Nellie Harden:important to have those multi generational friendships. And it
Nellie Harden:all really does come down to growing that self esteem like I
Nellie Harden:talked about. And speaking of self esteem, you guys may 9
Nellie Harden:through 14th Is the Ignite her joy parenting workshop. If you
Nellie Harden:have not registered yet, be sure to go and register. It is Nelly
Nellie Harden:hardin.com/ignite. And this is a recurring. So even if this is
Nellie Harden:past May, when you are listening to this, that is okay, you can
Nellie Harden:still go on and register for the next one. Because this is for
Nellie Harden:people that want to walk away with an understanding of the
Nellie Harden:thought process that your daughter has more than you've
Nellie Harden:ever known before. How much would you love to know her
Nellie Harden:thought process right? And be able to build that with her, you
Nellie Harden:will be able to have a solid framework you can implement
Nellie Harden:immediately to ground them in not grounding, as in punishment.
Nellie Harden:We're talking about grounded real self esteem, not selfie
Nellie Harden:esteem, self esteem. Okay, those are two very different things.
Nellie Harden:We've all seen the teens and tweens that are all glum and
Nellie Harden:melancholy, and even, you know, depressed looking. And then they
Nellie Harden:put on this huge smile, snap a picture of themselves, and then
Nellie Harden:they go to look at it. And as soon as they're looking at it,
Nellie Harden:it's all glum and sad again, right? And that is not how we
Nellie Harden:want our young women to be not at all and then have clarity
Nellie Harden:over why decisions were made in the past. To know how you can
Nellie Harden:help them make better decisions in the future, and have the
Nellie Harden:tools to guide your daughter toward more joy than she has
Nellie Harden:ever experienced before. This is for all parents that have
Nellie Harden:children, young women between nine and 18, or on the way
Nellie Harden:there, and I want to see you there. So Nellie
Nellie Harden:hardin.com/ignite That is definitely where you want to go.
Nellie Harden:Okay, you guys, that was a great episode today. I hope you're,
Nellie Harden:you're young women, your children, all of your children
Nellie Harden:go out and grab friendships and start cultivating those. And
Nellie Harden:growing those friendships with people younger, the same age and
Nellie Harden:older and even much older than they are, it will be a
Nellie Harden:beautiful, beautiful thing. So next week, we will be back with
Nellie Harden:another episode. And remember, keep teaching, keep laughing
Nellie Harden:keep loving and above all, remember to keep showing up with
Nellie Harden:intention in this 6570 days of the parenthood childhood
Nellie Harden:experience, because they need you. Alright, everyone, have a
Nellie Harden:great week.
Nellie Harden:Thank you so much for listening today. And I hope you were able
Nellie Harden:to take something from our discussion that you can use to
Nellie Harden:build the foundation of self love leadership in your own
Nellie Harden:family. If you are a parent with children, 17 or younger, and
Nellie Harden:especially those around nine and up, I would love to extend an
Nellie Harden:invitation to you to the best club in town. The family
Nellie Harden:architects Club is a private club where intentional parents
Nellie Harden:go that want to love support, connect or reconnect and really
Nellie Harden:truly help guide their kids and teach them how to self lead in
Nellie Harden:discipline and leadership. This is an online community and the
Nellie Harden:you are welcome to it. Parenting is a project and you are the
Nellie Harden:architects of this one. You plan you design and oversee the
Nellie Harden:construction of the beginning of someone else's life. And that's
Nellie Harden:what goes into these first 6570 days. And it will be the
Nellie Harden:foundation for the rest of their lives. So come join the club.
Nellie Harden:You can find your invitation on the front page of my website
Nellie Harden:Nelly hardin.com. That is N E ll ie H AR d e n.com. Thank you
Nellie Harden:again for being a part of this conversation today. And if
Nellie Harden:something really resonated with you, or if you have a question,
Nellie Harden:please don't hesitate to connect with me. You can find me on
Nellie Harden:Instagram at Nelly Hardin. And lastly, if you love the
Nellie Harden:information, please please leave a five star review and a comment
Nellie Harden:so more and more families can be impacted by harnessing the
Nellie Harden:strength of these ideas and tools in their own families. So
Nellie Harden:thank you so much. Happy building you guys and I'll see
