Starting Over, and Over… with Resilience Expert Romeo El-Chaer | 008

Maartje van Krieken: Hey, welcome back to the Business Emergency Room Podcast. I'm your host, Maartje. I'm very excited that you're tuning in today, because we have a fabulous guest. And so today, in today's episode, we're going to talk about scars. Remember, we talk about scars first eight kids, or sometimes we do live on air triage. Today, we're going to learn from other people's scars and trials and tribulations and successes. My guest today is Romeo. Romeo El-Chaer. And we met in person only a few weeks ago, actually, here in New Orleans. It turns out we've been circling in somewhat the same environments and have a shared work experience in Nigeria, of all places. And yeah, we met through mutual professional friends and colleagues, and that was really nice. And I listening to Romeo's stories, I figured there is definitely scars, there others can learn from. So welcome Romeo. Before we let you talk, I'll give a little bit more of the the formal introduction about who you are and what you do. So Romeo was born and raised in the crucible of Lebanon, where survival is a daily battle. So yeah, talking about resilience, we do a lot on this show, obviously, is where that's coming from, living under the constant threat of uncertainty, yeah, the love for life, I think, is also something Roya and I connected on. That's what I love about New Orleans. And if you grow up in a situation in a Yeah, a war torn country, and seeing what you see growing up in a place like Lebanon, then yeah, that definitely gives you an appreciation for the good stuff in life and a reminder to celebrate those two. A childhood eye accident left him scarved And combined with the challenges of growing up in a war torn nation, he faced immense adversity, yet these trials forged in having an unwavering determination to overcome obstacles and thrive, and I think we'll touch on some of that. But romio has had a very varied career in all sorts of businesses and organizations, but today he's a certified life coach, a clarity coach and a resilience expert and speaker, and he's dedicated to helping others harness their inner strengths, and his role as a member of the ICF global and ICF Houston chapter are as well as a director of membership at the National Speakers Association Houston chapter reflect his commitment to supporting and inspiring others, and so yeah, inspiring others and hopefully sharing your story so that others don't have to reinvent the same wheel. Today, welcome again, Romeo. And yeah, excited to have you here.

Romeo El-Chaer: Thank you so much much, and I'm really have the privilege to be on your podcast. Thank

Maartje van Krieken: you so yeah, we talk about scars business chaos. What do you do when you get into these now? What or what now moments when it feels like everything is kind of been building up, and now the way out is not so clear. Yeah, tell us. Do you have a story for us in that space?

Romeo El-Chaer: Well, I have so many stories. I was I was lucky that when I started my career, I was a quality management consultant, so I was, I used to prepare the organizations to get the ISO 9001 certification. So that goes into a lot of meeting people, coaching them, and see how they react to the change. And that's where most of people, they just resist for the change because of fear, fear of losing job, fear of not doing it, fear of being replaced. So there is a lot of this that happened, and with my role, I was facing all those fears and interacting with people. And what I can tell you Marcia that during my career, there is something that with with this cause that we get in life, and those hardships that we go through as individuals, it just increase our resiliency. It just put us in a situation we can overcome things. It's hard, yes, it's difficult, yes, painful, yes. But somehow, the resilience, the resiliency within us, the more it is developed, the more we can overcome those obstacles and we can move on in our lives. And that's what I encountered in organizations as well. You know, when you go for for ISO, for example, to be certified, you need to make a lot of changes, adjustments, put the rules, put the procedures, instructions, whatever it takes, so you can be get the conformity with what is required from this time that, and for that, you have to implement a lot of things. And. At you face resiliency within the organization, and that's the beauty of it. You see that the successful organization, it's by the power or level of resiliency of its staff, its people, that's the movement within the organization that make them thrive, and the less the resiliency is there, the more difficult for compliance, more difficult to change, more difficult to encounter situations that they come new and they don't know how to deal with it, because the level of people or individuals that they have lower level of resiliency, they cannot cope with the change or with this challenge that cause a difficult situation for organizations as well. So the scar and resiliency is not only on the individual level, it's also on the organizational level, and that when it changed the whole thing, yeah,

Maartje van Krieken: can, can I ask you a question about that? Because I agree with you that to a certain extent, we need to incur our own scars, right? Because that teaches you about that you can get out situations you didn't think you kicked it out of it teaches you, usually, that you have more strength and more ability under any situations than you maybe thought. So it's very important. We also, of course, know that humans want to reinvest the wheel all the time, but I would love for people to to not get more scars than needed, right? And that's why we're doing this. We're talking about other people's scars with the hope that people can take some of that on board and maybe recognize symptoms earlier and working in quality that's, of course, also learning and verifying what's happening and learning from others. So how do you think people can become better from learning from other people's scars? Where have you seen that work and where or maybe not work? Well,

Romeo El-Chaer: you know, when you meet people, look at them, don't judge them. See what they have learned from life, what they have went through their lives. Because definitely you're going to see that they have a lot of wisdom. Because when you go into scars, when you go into difficulties, like in my case, when I was at the age of three, I had an accident. I was playing around, and I got a we had a cousin. We just crafted and a bow and a narrow so we wanted to play cups and rubbers, and unfortunately, he just launched the arrow. It was a handmade it shouldn't be good, but it went straight into my eye, and I lost it on the spot, and I had to live with that difference in my look, because it was not the appearance was totally different. With that. By growing with this, I had to fight the Copic mechanism so I can move on in the in my life, and I had a lot of judgment and rejection, because, you know the what is say, like the eyes, the mirror of the soul, and for me, I had a broken mirror. People couldn't go beyond that, that appearance. So I was judged by just how I looked. And that was really heavy for for someone growing up, but I would. But during that era, I just figured, figured things out. So I was able to overcome all this, and now look what I'm doing. I'm just I can't stop I have to keep move forward. I'm growing. I'm enjoying life. I'm thriving, and I found the love of my life. Why? Because my mindset was established in a way that I need to survive, I need to move forward. I need to grow constantly, and that's what we should look into people and they have the potential. It just they need to just get over it. It's like everything starts within ourselves. That's where things start. We have to accept embrace that scar, because some people think it's a weak point. For me, it's a superpower, and that's what make us so amazing creatures, that it's amazing when you start meeting people Marcia, it's so beautiful when you see that inner Phoenix within them that can rise and shine and thrive on life after having a lot of hardship. Yeah, and that, yeah,

Maartje van Krieken: we I talk a lot about that in my business and in this podcast, you hear them come by probably a few times already too. I talk often about from panic to power, because in these moments. Sense when you really have the panic, or you're on this hamster wheel and you don't know how to step off, or you feel like you're with your back against the wall and making that decision, or that first step in the moment. It's not usually not about the decision, because there's usually not a lot of options, right? There's usually only one logical but it's about actually doing it. And the conversation is always, can you go back to a point in your personal life where you remember that you were able to do that? And is there a word or a phrase or a smell or a feeling that you can associate with that that you can then say to yourself, so that when you find yourself in these moments again, you can remind yourself your case, it's a phoenix. In my case, I tell myself, I have to be one eye, which, in the context of your story, it is a bit harsh, but from the expression that in the land of the blind, one eye is king. And I'm like, Okay, why me? I guess today I have to be one eye. So I tell myself, today, you're one eye. You just have to do it, right? So yeah, and lovely. It's about figuring out, and usually, in 99% of the cases in these conversations, it comes from a personal, often even a childhood or teenage years story, huh? This moment when you realize, actually, I did it and I can do it, and if I can invoke that feeling, I can do it again.

Romeo El-Chaer: That's true. That's true. And I have, I have met some people that they had this, some accidents during their adulthood, like they were, like young men and young woman, and like mid 30s sometimes and and even more. And it was totally different. You know, the the reaction and coping was more difficult than you know, when you when you grow up with it, it's totally it's different. It's not the same thing, because the habits change, but it's the same thing. You know, we encounter things and we, you know, let me tell you a secret. I had a secret. I had very powerful secret that made me go through all that, and that's what I want to just tell the others about. For me, I'm a man of faith, and I believe in God, and that's where my my starting point. You know, there is three pillars that built my life as it is today. First one is about believing in God, because the more I had a lot of existential questions, why me? Why? Why this happened? What did I do? I was just a kid. I was a child, so I had this, you know, this anxious things within me that I want to understand. Why this so I had to build a strong relationship with God so I can understand. And then I discovered that my optimism was by the hope that I got from my relationship with God, because He is the God of hope, and he is merciful, and He is always we are like a very honorable creature, and we are worthy. And that gave me a lot of things to think about, Okay, I am worthy. So there is something beyond my scar. There is something beyond that challenge that hit me, all I had to discover and move on with my life. The second pillar is about believing in human kindness. You know, people are good. There is we can we encountered, I encountered. We're gonna encounter a lot of people that they may not seem like they don't care or they have their own agenda, but there is always people that will look at you and, you know, cherish you and see that special thing within you, they will see your spirit and those people there around us, and we meet them, and they just put that seed and positivity to help us, support us, understand us, listening to us, and then we move forward in our life. And the third one is the belief in self. You know, if you don't believe in self about your strengths, discover your strength and embrace your scar. It's going to be difficult to accept everything else, because we have to overcome this first so then we can start seeing things from different perspective. And those three pillars that help me to figure out life and move on with my life.

Maartje van Krieken: Yeah, yeah. And I love that second point, because I also often talk about the the ripple effect of leadership. Because, yeah, you use the word cherish, which I love, but in the workplace, is maybe not always a term somebody use. But I'm a, I'm a firm believer that even when stress levels are very high and your organization is stretched. If you start moving as a leader with intent and start showing where you want to go, you will get a positive reaction from those in your team who have the capacity still to react and respond right. There might be some that are so at the end. The tether that in the moment they just have not a lot to give But you, as soon as you start acting in a positive and constructive manner as a leader, others will react to you, and the overwhelming majority of that will be positive and will be trying to figure out how they can engage in where you want to go from what they have to offer. People want to help. People want to support. People want to together, be part of the success and move forward. And we keep forgetting about that. Sometimes in this society, I have a question related to that, because we have a lot of leaders in this space. So one thing is tapping into your own strength and reminding that you have it and using your own scars. How could you if you have people in your team or your organization who also have that but maybe don't see that so much, what can you do as a leader to help people realize that they have the strength I know you have a lot of experience also working in in safety, and as a leader in working in quality. And safety is not an easy place, because it's a lot of soft influence, right, without a lot of authority. So yeah, I figured this is a good question for you.

Romeo El-Chaer: Well, you know, it's so important to work with others. You know, it's not about managing their lives or managing their work. It's about leading them forward so they can climb the ladder and walk with you. You know, because the people need support, need to be understood, need to be pushed forward in a positive way, because we as as leaders. We need, we, we need, always to put in mind that those people we were in their shoes while ago, and we needed someone, and actually someone understood us and gave us the hand to pull us out as we can move forward and into the ladder of hierarchy. And that's the beauty of it, because it's people, they are so special, and they might put some masks to because they had they have their own scars. So they are afraid somewhere, they are worried about being judged. But those people, they have strength, and that's what a leader should look for. What what is their strength? Where is it? And how to motivate them to put that to give them the courage, to put it out, to make them open. And believe me, the moment you start giving the you empower your team, your people, they will strive, they will do magic, and they will be themselves. They don't have to hide. They don't have to be shy about you know, if I say this, they will say, I'm I'm a fool, or, you know, the crew's talking. No, no, no, no. You have to empower them and give them the opportunity to express and get things out of the box. And believe me, I faced that when I was doing the quality management consultants, you wouldn't believe what I've discovered with within people, they just made my project to succeed in a way you can never imagine, because I I gave them trust. We built this trust relationship, and by leading people to through that direction, it's like open the magic box. That's how it is. It's amazing. So for leader out there, some people, they know and they are one amazing leaders, and the new leaders, just look to your people, find the strength, be open to them and let them express and believe me, you're going to find magic with them.

Maartje van Krieken: Yeah. Lovely. Great advice. Yeah. And my experience teaches me that in their kind of normal operating circumstances, people are actually pretty good at telling you what they're good at, or what they like, or it's it's easy to see, and then, and then people say, Oh, but then, when everything is in chaos, it's much harder. And actually, I don't think it's harder. I think a different set of strengths comes out, because when the pressure is high and emotions are running high, people struggle to keep things behind the veneer. So usually they become more transparent and more open, whether they want to or not, because of the stress of the situation. And you tend to find out additional strengths in people, yeah, and it's sometimes a different set or Yeah, additional or different. It's not always the same set that they operate with in their normal circumstances, right? But it's about as a leader, making sure that you look and see and that you really try to identify that and not of your own assumptions by the by what you see in these individuals, because you get it right and you can indeed motivate it. Yeah. Have a whole team of superpowers, right, exactly.

Romeo El-Chaer: And, you know, with my, with my current career as a life coach and clarity coach, I hear a lot. I got a good, a good year of listening, and I always search between the lines, between the words about what's going on, because that's so powerful. Listening is so important. And organizations, it's the same thing. We need to listen sometimes, not to just keep leading or keep managing. We need to listen to to understand more what people are thinking of or what what kind of of things do we need to discover within our team to make it thrive, and that's also crucial, because the more you listen and be open to listen, you kind of discover things that about people that it will amaze you and it will just make you know it's the leader. Is the good leader is known by having a good team, because the more the team is thriving, that's because of a good leadership, and that's where its success is going to be happening. And when, when people are in that comfortable area, the resiliency will be much higher, because they went through the hardship then now it's open highway, and then they start to thrive, and that's the beauty of it. So, yeah. So yeah, there's a lot of things to put it in to do. So yeah,

Maartje van Krieken: well, I think that's a good segue into my last brief question. Before we close out today's episodes with our chaos theory, we are going to make sure that you can find links to the relevant places where you can find and reach out to Romeo in the text around wherever you dug out this podcast. But for those of you who love hearing that and take it from there, Romeo, if people want more of you or find out more about what you do and how they could work with you, where would they go?

Romeo El-Chaer: Well, I have my own channel, youtube channel, I have I'm on Instagram, and I have my website. So just go and search Romeo life coach, and you will see me everywhere. And it's because, you know, I love people. I love being around people and and there's a lot to give and to inspire. I just want to put some hopes out there, because I needed that at a certain period of my life. And this is so important, so beautiful, macho. It's so amazing. So you can find me on my website, tromayolifecoach.com or just go on YouTube at Romeo life coach. So you're gonna see me that and Instagram is the same thing on LinkedIn, it's gonna be Romeo alchar, so we're gonna have the link. So

Maartje van Krieken: yeah, and your name will be everywhere on the title of the podcasts, etc. So that should be easy enough to manage, right? Well, great, yeah, I like that. You have such a positive attitude that you love people, and yeah, the beauty of man, you in kind, right? Which is which also makes me passionate about my job. If I do my job better, people go home more relaxed again, right? And can actually enjoy all that stuff that is also there, apart from the workplace. And I'm a workhorse. I love working crazy hours, but that is only when I get energized from the job, right? If I'm expending all these these hours in treading water, that's not good. Life's too short for that. So yeah, I love that we share that philosophy. Thank you for being on definitely. Check out more what Romeo has to offer, because there's so many good stories there, and they're not always easy stories, but there is, yeah, I'm inspired by how well you are truly able to look at all that with a positive spin and truly make it positive, right? It doesn't feel like veneer to me. So I find that inspiring. To close out today's episode, thank you for joining me. Do you have a chaos theory to share with our listeners?

Romeo El-Chaer: Look, life will punch you a lot. It will keep punching you, but you can do it. You can overcome those punches and knock life and move forward and move forward in your life. Just believe in yourself and make sure that nothing can stop you if you decide to. So go and just get it.

Maartje van Krieken: Thank you. Yes, just go get it. Tiger. Thank you so much, Romeo. Thank you for tuning in love to see you here again next week, yeah, all the links and information on where to find more will be in the outro. See you next week. Bye, thank you.