Ask Me Anything: How To Get Support From Your Loved Ones

Welcome to Captivate and Close. I'm Kinsey Machos, business consultant and marketing strategist. And I'm going to show you how to attract and enroll high-paying clients using my break through online marketing strategies, all without having to rely on complicated funnels, disingenuous clickbait, or spammy sales tactics. These are the messaging marketing and selling secrets that virtually no one is talking about. So let's dive in. Hey, you welcome back to another episode. So good to be here with you. At the time of this recording, it is officially the first day of summer for us. I mean, it's technically not think first day of summer, like actual summers, what end of June, but my kids are out of school, which means that is summertime. And it was funny because they, you know, got out of school yesterday. And already, it was like, Can we do this? Can we do that. And it's like that, that over excitement of the fact that it's summer, and we need to do everything in a matter of less than 12 hours. But we just got back from the pool. And I have a moment to myself to record. So this is what summer it looks like. It feels like a little bit of when I had just had just started as a coach, and I was literally, you know, I was working full time still. And I was literally just growing in the nooks and crannies. And I know this summer, you know, I really shifted my work schedule a little bit. And it's not super ideal from a perspective of like, high productivity or you know, getting a lot done. But that's not really my intent for the summer. It's about like maintaining and doing the things to keep moving us forward and building that momentum. And so that's what that looks like today, I want to do an Ask me anything. episode series, this is part of our Ask Me Anything series, if you go back through, we put the Ask Me Anything title, or ask me anything to the title of the episode. This is inspo that I got, you know, about a month ago where I was like, you know, I really want to create more context around the things that I talked about, you know, when I turn this mic on, I know what I'm going to talk about in relation to you what you want, what your challenges are, what your desires are, where you're at, in that season of business, and I keep really narrow focus on who I'm talking to each time I record, right, I'm not thinking about my niche, per se, I'm thinking about one particular person in my niche, it's often a client or a conversation or something that I'm seeing online that somebody said, like, I get really specific, I do this when I write or do this when we write our social media content when we write our copy for our sales pages, like that's how specific I get. And I think this is like the even better than that when I'm literally taking direct questions and answering them. And just really making sure that you all feel supported in the way that you deserve. And I want this podcast or any part of my community, right, whether you're in our free group or following me on Instagram, or, you know, listening to these episodes, just making sure literally, I know we get this all the time that our free content is so good that they can't even imagine what our paid content is. And that's what I want to get, I want to give away as much as we can. Because ultimately, when you hire us, we're obviously going deeper and a lot of these things, but we're walking alongside you as you implement holding your hand. It's a limitation of it. So I just love to be able to really lean in and meet you where you're at. And I asked our audience, I asked you guys to ask me anything. And it's been fun to really see those questions come in and see the variety. Right. Some of them are more personal, some of them a little bit more professional. And so this has been a really fun thing to do. But today's question comes from Beth Olmstead. And the other piece of this is being able to highlight you as my listeners. So in within each of these, what I do is I highlight the owner, if you will of the question, and making sure we're pointing people to you all because I don't want it to just be about me. I want you guys to also get more eyeballs and really creating a shared learning experience in our communities making sure you guys are taking full advantage of right the collaborations and the connections within this community because that is ultimately the thing that grows you it's the foundation and Do you really have to learn how to build those connections or you will reach a plateau? So best asks how to let your non entrepreneur friends and peers know of ways you would appreciate their support. It can be lonely in business, and not everyone understands the work involved. But we still need friendships and support. So this is such a good question. And I might, you know, the way that I'm going to answer it might sting a little bit, but just kind of hang with me, because I really think that this is really, really common, ultimately, US entrepreneurs, we're a different breed. And if you're like me, right, you likely also noticed that growing up, there was an element of you that knew right off the bat that you were different. And how this manifested might have looked or felt differently, right? Maybe you didn't, you know, you weren't considered, quote unquote, popular, or maybe you weren't athletic, or for me, I never felt super extraordinary at anything. I never excelled at any particular, you know, sport or subject or, you know, I was, I wasn't on the Honor Society, like, I just felt really boring, I felt like a boring person. Anytime we were in a social setting, I just felt like I was constantly being judged. Again, this was all my own sort of this is the way that I was viewing it. And I always just felt really different. And that definitely carried over into my corporate career, and really looking back, it was just that I hadn't really known or come to know who I really, truly was. And I hadn't blossomed in that way. And yeah, I just think differently. And you think differently, visionaries are a different breed. And so when we start to really experience that part of ourselves and bring more of that into our life, there will be an element of contrast that presents itself within the relationships that you have within the life that you have currently built. That's just no doubt. And that's probably one of the most uncomfortable feelings. And also, unfortunately, I think one of the most common causes of people giving up, because when you think about planting a flower, and already bloomed flower, in a different environment, the chances of that bloom surviving are slim, because it's used to the environment it grew up in. And so when it transfers, what happens is it creates contrast, and it's a little bit harder to survive, it's a little bit harder to create newness in this different environment. And so, one of the things I want to answer this in two parts, the first part was this, how to let your non entrepreneur friends and peers know of ways you would appreciate their support. So let's talk about this, I really want to challenge this because the question back to you is, why do you need their support? Right? Now, again, that feels very probably different than how we're used to thinking or feeling in the past, like, well, I need people to support me, if people don't support me, I won't be able to do this. Ultimately, the vision you hold for your life and your business comes from you. And the trust and the support that you build into that has to also come from you. If you are leaning on others to hold that safety net for you hold that foundation of trust, hold that, whatever, it will always feel like the control of your life or your business is in the hands of other people or other things. And the truth is, most people are not going to understand you. They're not gonna understand what you're building what you're doing. And in fact, a lot of people are going to think you're crazy.

I remember having a conversation with somebody that was close in my life. And I told them this was a couple years ago, I had told them what my goal was. And this was the first time that I've actually experienced this because, you know, honestly, my husband has always supported me. So I've been super lucky there. And there hasn't been any issues with you know, many people, quote unquote, supporting me, but I started to really truly understand that how my beliefs were being shaped and what I believed to be true was vastly different than the majority of other people. And this this awareness came to me when I had or it really came to me when I told somebody that was close to me in my life, about out a goal that I had a revenue goal that I had had. And they were basically like, That's ridiculous. Like, that isn't even possible and what? Why would you even do that to yourself? It was basically like they had said, why would you reach for goals that you would never achieve? And just set goals that you know, you can achieve? I was like, What the what? It was like such a whiplash moment, I was like, Okay. And it took me back, like, honestly, obviously, it really hurt my feelings. But the truth is, I don't need we you don't need the validation or permission from other people. And the more that you seek out or desire that you will burn out, you will always feel like you're missing something, it will, you know, there constant discouragement will be there, because people cannot always give you that you have to be able to give that to yourself. But when this person said this to me, you know, I really observed that experience, because I remember hearing this example, from a mentor when she was sharing something similar in regards to this idea of like, Why can't people support what I do you? Why can't they just get on board. And she used this example of like, you know, when somebody tells you that your hair is red, when it's actually blonde, you wouldn't be mad, you would be like, my hair is not right, you would be like, what, that's stupid. But if somebody said you can't hit six figures, or you'll never be able to hit six figures, if you actually really believe that, it wouldn't hurt your feelings, you would just be like, Oh, okay, whatever, right? Sort of like, know why, um, but I don't really, you know, I'm not gonna argue with you about it. But when somebody says that, yeah, we can't, like, you can't do that, or that's crazy. It stings, because a part of you still believes it, which is normal, right? There's still, the journey towards doing things you've never done is first, being able to who step into that belief. And it's not like overnight that that happens, like one day you don't. And then the next day you do, it's a constant process of changing your thoughts about it, and really embodying the full belief of something and really operating from that space. That's a skill that is ultimately my secret. And anybody that I've talked to you that's been successful, that's the secret. But when we think about how other people are impacting us in the way that they influence us, or don't support us, we really have to consider that. That's not a part of the journey. And of course, you're this isn't about like, separating yourself from your family, or abandoning the people that you love the most, because they don't, quote unquote, support you. This is encouraging you to find what you're looking for, whether that's support or encouragement from first yourself, right, really checking inward or looking inward to be like, Why do I feel like I need this support? Why do I feel like I need this validation, and that's at that highest level, right? And really taking your power back to say, like, I don't need that. And I'm not saying you don't tell these people that you know, but you stop looking for it, you stop asking for it. And there comes a time where you just know with the certain relationships in your life, what you can and cannot share with them. And it creates a little bit of a separation from the perspective of like, if this is part of who you are and what you want, and you can't really talk about it, I understand how it can create a little bit of a disconnect. But there's still something in that relationship. It wasn't entrepreneur ship that got you into that relationship, whether it's a friendship or a marriage, like there's still that connectedness within, but when you release the pressure from this other individual, these people in your life that aren't supporting you, you release that pressure for them to behave in a certain way or give you something that you need, right, it will actually likely improve the relationship overall, is going to improve your relationship with yourself and also, right, you're going to create it's going to create less resentment within that within the dynamic of that relationship, and really force you to go deeper with you. So that's at the highest level when we think about like, why is it that I feel like I need support. Why do I need other people's validation? Why What What, why is that, and oftentimes, again, it's going back to that example of your hair is red versus your hair is blonde is that you need to build the deeper belief within yourself and build that self trust with yourself. So that right, you always have your own back. And that when somebody says something to you like, that's not possible, or why are you even doing that, right? It's the responsive, that's weird, my hair is actually blonde. And it's not that sort of that really strong reaction of deep down, not believing it for yourself, either. And so that's one of the biggest things we all have to really look and watch for in the relationships in our life is making sure we're getting the things that we need, right within versus constantly putting that power in the in the hands of other people. The other thing that came up in this question Was it can be lonely in business, and not everyone understands the work involved. But we still need friendships and support, and so 100%. So it can be lonely. But this is where what when you think about the evolution of you, as an entrepreneur, as a woman, as a coach, things will change because you change your desires change, your challenges, change, the conversations change, right? I don't have, like, when you look at my friendship circle,

they're not people that are not in a similar season of life as me, right? They're business owners, they have a desire to be a business owner. They're moms. They're constantly evolving, really, you know, deep into personal development, they desire to experience, you know, the best version of themselves. Like, I'm not, but if you think about my life, you know, six, seven years ago, that wasn't the case, it was a little bit lonely, because all the friends that I had, were in corporate, or stay at home moms, not that there's anything wrong with either one of those things. But that was not the season of life that I was in. And I wanted something different. And so this is where you do have to, quote unquote, work for, you have to find new relationships, you have to find new circles where you can really allow yourself to experience or feel normalized, in what you're going through. So yes, there are people that will lift you up and support you right through that process of you supporting yourself and really like building that belief within yourself. But it's actually a lot easier to do when you are around other people that are also experiencing that seeing process. And going through those same things have not really been understood, or really looking to, you know, do more with or like do more with their businesses. And so if you're not in rooms, where people are doing what you're doing, you have to put yourself there. And there's people in places where you will be the unicorn, and that's okay, right, you'll be able to find connectedness with people no matter what. But when you think about the people that you spend your time with, and the people that are going to grow with you, a lot of times you're gonna grow out of right former relationships are former friendships, and grow into new ones that can really evolve with where you're going. Now, I don't want this to be mistaken for like, drop people out of your life. That's not it. But oftentimes, we have to expand, we have to expand friendships, we have to expand our circle. And we have to also remove expectations from any relationship truly, whether you're an entrepreneur or an eyes, like anytime you come into a relationship, expecting something from somebody, you will always feel let down, you will always feel disappointed, right? Because you can't expect people to behave a certain way, which goes back to the initial point of, you know, if you expect people to support you and expect people to encourage you, it will always lead you down disappointment because nobody ever will behave the way that we want them to. I will never behave the way people want me to write. It's just the way that humans are. And it's no way to live a life when you're always expecting other people to behave in a certain way. Right. All you can do is focus on you. And so, yes, it can be lonely and there are seasons of more of that like lonely feeling, or loneliness. And it's normal, but it's not normal to stay in there. It means you're being called to find new circles to be in. And also go inward, to really build that solid foundation with yourself, right? That self trust having your own back. And that is, I think the hardest work that we have to do is building that self trust, and sometimes going through those seasons of loneliness, and learning that most people won't necessarily, quote unquote, support us. But again, we don't put people in our lives to just support us. Right? That is not the intention, we have to really change our perspective of the relationships in our lives. And what do you want, right? What do you want from relationships? That's okay. Because if you do this work, and you build that self trust, well, you won't need it as much as you think. Right. And then in tandem to that, when you are putting yourself in the rooms of other people that are doing what you're doing. And you are expanding that network, and you're building new friendships with people that understand, right, you will experience more of that normalization, and also more of that community, right? Because it doesn't have to be lonely. And I hate this saying it's lonely at the top. Because it does create that expectation that once you go off and do these things, it will be lonely. And so there's a sacrifice. But yes, while there are sacrifices, well, you have to understand is that you are taken, you know, as entrepreneurs, and what we're doing, we're taking the road less traveled, for sure. But it's not less traveled in the sense of like nobody's doing it, just less people. And so your circles might get smaller, right, and they're going to evolve and shift. But there are other people doing it, too. And so it's being more intentional about the relationships that you create in your life. And even putting yourself out there, which was something that I had such a hard time doing it first, I still do. But when I walked into my first like in person, mastermind with people that were like blowing their businesses out of the water, we had 789 figure business owners, I was this tiny little multiple six figure chick. And I just remember feeling so insecure, I was freaking out, I, my husband had to like, convince me to go into the room, because I had flown all this way over to Nashville, I couldn't even walk myself out of the hotel room down to the lobby, and I was crying. And I just remember thinking, I don't belong here, I don't belong here. And turns out, it was the best experience of my life. And when I sat across the room from people that were doing what I wanted to do, or doing what I was doing, I felt so seen and heard. And I just walked away feeling even more inspired and encouraged, right. So I think that, you know, I hear a lot of people coach on this and talk about this and being able to voice and communicate different ways to your family and friends of how they quote unquote, can support you in this journey. And I have a completely different perspective, I think that that's not necessary. And I think this is your calling to go inward and build that belief with yourself and that support with yourself. And it sounds like it's just time to expand, narrow your circle of Friendship Circle of relationships, and narrow as in, you know, expand, you don't have to drop people in your life, but bring in right new that really embody the version of you that you would like to become. And so it's a sign it's an indicator, which is good. you've outgrown yourself, right? And you are growing into a new season. New Seasons require new environments. And, and that's completely okay. It's completely normal. But what's so liberating for you and the people in your life is that you don't need anything from them. You just need it from yourself. And it creates, it just really lifts those that resistance, that restriction within the relationships in your life. And it feels so good to take that power back and that control back and really look inward to build that with yourself. So I hope this was helpful for you guys. I know that this is something that I have always had to grow with. There are seasons where I have felt similarily where it's like, this feels so frustrating. I don't understand why people don't understand me, why can't they support me? They don't get me etc, etc. And I think that it will never go away. And I think as you continue to, quote unquote climb, that path gets more narrow, gets more less traveled. And so there's going to be less people that understand. But what's more important is that you don't give up on you. You don't give up on your desires and you build that myself trust. So you always have your back. Because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter who's supporting you, if you don't support you, if you don't have your back, that will burn you out. Right, that's the ultimate give up. So I hope this is good. And again, maybe not what you exactly wanted to hear, but I hope that it really allows you to experience this idea of support and relationships a little bit differently and really gives you more freedom to play and experiment with what this next season looks like. Alright girls, until next time. Hey, you, thank you so much for listening. It's an honor to be able to pour into the hearts and minds of like minded entrepreneurs all over the world. But my most favorite part is being able to connect with you in real life. If you love what you heard here, head over to the community where thousands of female CEOs, just like you are changing the world one human at a time. We go deeper into the topics you discuss here and give away tangible roadmaps to help you crush your revenue goals to join this high-caliber free community head over to kinseymachos.com/community. I’ll see you there