Chasing Money Will Never Make Your Happy with Ian Ugarte

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back. You've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request. If any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this word. I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it. Today all and welcome to this week's guest in you got a how do I go?

Unknown Speaker 1:09

Spot on a caveman? On absolutely awesome and busy

Ian Hawkins 1:16

and busy. Well, as we record this in two weeks before Christmas in Australia, typically, that is just a busy time here. There's usually tying up loose ends and everyone wants to catch up and so on. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 1:28

Yeah, it's only really like I realized a few years ago, I was asking to meet my best man actually, who works in the finance industry as far as stock market and futures trading. That's probably the only industry that slows down at Christmas time. I reckon everyone else speeds up. I used to jokingly say, as a plumber and builder used to jokingly say when someone would ring me two weeks before Christmas and go come and finish my bathroom before Christmas. I go. Thank goodness you rang? Because I've been sitting here all day waiting for someone to feel my

Ian Hawkins 2:00

Oh, that's good. I only learned this week that it's in the northern hemisphere, because it's not sort of like the in terms of that school year. It's not the same sort of business that we have here. So it's like, well, that's interesting. Yeah, but I mean, as we're going to get into in the chat, we've both made a concerted effort in our life to to not go with those typical patterns. So we'll be looking forward to unpacking that. So when I asked you about, like what that big moment was for you. I haven't had that question answered in a way that you did. So I'm really looking forward to this. So please do share.

Unknown Speaker 2:40

Yeah, I think for me, the story of the simply simplistic story of grief is that I, I realized that what was I thought programmed in my head to make me happy didn't make me happy. And so my grief was around. Well, I've got here and I'm actually the unhappiest I've been in my entire life. And so that process started, you know, basically was young. Oh, you know, I grew up in a household in Sydney. I never complained about my household bringing upbringing. Like it was a middle class above middle class. I never wanted for anything, my dad and parents just absolutely awesome people. And, and still alive. Thankfully, dad is just actually, they found asbestos in in between all his organs, and it created a cancer. So they were lucky it was operable, but it's knocked him around. He's just an amazing, strong man. And he is, he said to me, I finished my year 12 exams, my high school certificate on a Thursday. And we'd already arranged that I was going to go into the plumbing business. So my dad, my brother, my nephew, my brother in law, myself all plumbers. And, and my dad didn't want me to be a plumber. But I said, you know, I don't want to go to uni dad. I ended up going to uni, but I remember him calling. He said to me on the on the Thursday afternoon. Well done, you've finished your exams. And I say thanks, dad. And I'm expecting you know, this is September I'm expecting I've got to January don't muck around for a bit. He goes, you can have tomorrow off you start on Monday. He yelled up the stairs at 6am. Tomorrow you get ready go to bed. And I always remember that that point I think and I can't do this for the rest of my life like this is I'm 19 years old. 18 years old. I can't do this for the next 40 or 45 or 50 years by the time I get there, depending on the government's and I always thought the property was the way that I was going to go. And so I was fortunate enough to be a typical first generation Australian from Spanish migrants that they said you know, in the house, of course it was for sale. I put the deposit you get along you pay your rent, you live a calm, typical thing. So I'm very thankful for my parents buying that property across the road or deposit. And I then three years later, after living off $222 A week 200 went towards the house. And then the, the other $22 is what I've got to spend on my first girlfriend, which got no reason I don't know, understanding why she left. Um, so three years later, we sold that house, I paid my parents back the deposit, and interest. And that gave me a deposit for my first family home. I worked through that I ended up you know, starting my own plumbing business, a barge business and multiple outcomes. And I was always searching for that thing that was going to make me rich. So in the last 31 years, I've started 31 businesses, how many of them successful? Not a huge amount of them, but enough to be comfortable in my life? Right, actually? 31? Yes, 31, you know, and of that probably 15 of them got off the ground. And in the last 10 years, I've made almost every one of them successful. So early, the first 20 We're probably learning components of being able to know how to run a business and know I love helping other people start businesses now. So, you know, I ended up going into TAFE, New South Wales as one of the youngest part time teachers I never went in now I still had dreadlocks when I went into teaching and go and help a student in a combined class. And the student would say, Go away, do your own work, stop telling me what the delegates are made on the teacher. I was fortunate enough to go for a full time job, then became a head teacher, and then an assistant director of business for PAC, New South Wales Sydney Institute, the largest training organization in the southern hemisphere, and I had 22 million student contact hours under my control. So for someone in their, you know, late 20s, early 30s, that was a big deal. The nearest person to me in that office was 55. And people say, Yeah, because you're talented. And I'm not telling you to do like, just like grab opportunity, whatever there is. But in that time of being in TAFE, I also went through the process of learning, I started investing in property early, obviously, because of my parents and started to buy stuff and, and only no new negative gearing, and got myself to a pretty drastic point with my ex wife where we had seven properties very young. And they were $36,000 Negative cashflow, and I was on a wage of about 96,000 at the time, so 36 off that you're down to 60. You know, you take a tax off that get some tax back, and maybe we had 40 grand for ourselves to live off for the year, which wasn't enough. So I went to a seminar and I saw for the first time and heard for the first time about positive gearing, I went, Wow, what positive gearing does that actually exist, you can actually make money out of the cash flow out of your business. That's I want to try that. Yeah. So within the space of 18 months, I went off and learned, I initiated with my ex wife, we sold down seven, six of the seven properties, and went from negative 36 to positive 23, which was a massive turnaround just in a short period of time. 18 months from the time that I decided that I wanted to leave work. I was out of work with an income of about $120,000. In Wow, wow, it was awesome, right? Because, you know, you didn't have to turn up to work. And you know, so had a little bit of a grief moment there because I sort of sat at home for three months and everyone insane because I had nothing to do. So I went out, started another business and started to get into property quite seriously. And I will say that can you do that nowadays, possibly. We had a lot of things work in our favor for that 18 months, I'd actually set myself three years and we ended up at 18 months, which was great. So I got educated more, went out, started doing development deals, started doing joint ventures, and ended up down the path of being what I call a big block developer, I'm going to buy some sugarcane farm, and I'm going to put it into Council and I'm going to chop it up into the smallest squares that I'm allowed to chop it up into. And then I'm going to put the largest size houses that I could put on those small squares. And I'm going to call that something that the community wants and then I'm helping out community. So that started going along Till one day we'd moved to Queensland we've got out of Sydney as we possibly could bought this beautiful two acre waterfront property up here which we built a dream home on which is not such the dream because I'm buying a new one very soon, clearly wasn't the dream. And money was rolling in. And I noticed over a period of about three or four months that I became more and more I'm unhappy, and I couldn't put my finger on it. And so having all of our family and Sydney, our support network, we would go down there often we did fly down or drive down. And we'd spend a week or two school holidays, Christmas holidays down there. And I think it was that middle of the year. Maybe it was a September holidays, we were down there, we drove down. And the whole time that I was in Sydney for that two weeks, everyone around me noticed how unhappy I'd been. And I was, and so through, through a lot of sleepless nights during those two weeks, the night before we drove the family home, which is genuinely like I drive the family home, I'd like to get up at two o'clock in the morning and drive through those early hours. But there's no traffic, so you get the most out of it. That night, I tried to sleep and I couldn't. And I remember looking at the bank account details, and seeing all the zeros. And realizing that I'd been the I wasn't the unhappiest I'd ever been in my entire life. Well, and

still emotional now. Yeah.

It's always, it always cuts deep, because that's that moment where you go, Oh, shit, I'm rich. But I'm unhappy. The money didn't make me happy. Yeah. And so I had made that decision that morning, selfishly, to get my family home, drive them home. And that following night, I was going to end my life. I was going and I was going to do it in a way that would have left so many open questions that they wouldn't would have known whether it was a suicide, or whether it was some criminal action that happened against me. So firstly, let's think about this, I was going to do one of the most selfish things that anyone can do in anyone's life. And that's the end your life, because it leaves all those people around you wondering whether they could have done more. And they were a sense of responsibility on them. And secondly, I was going to do it in a way that was going to leave open questions even further. And no one was ever going to be able to sort it out. Yeah, never would they never would they've had the closure. So we drove. And we

don't ask that. Was that intentional?

I fit? I think so. I think the intention was to leave many unanswered questions out there. And no, I just clearly wasn't in a great state of mind, you know, embarrassing, and it's egotistical, but no, I would think that that's what I was thinking back then. So driving home, not much, not a word really said out of my mouth. And my kids, you know, I've got four daughters. And I knew I knew how unhappy I was. Yeah. So we had a meeting with my life and business coach on the way back home. And the time it hit where we sort of got to Pottsville, close to New South Wales, Queensland border border. We drove into Pottsville, we parked in the carpark down near the water. And I just said to the girls, just go and play in trees play in the park. We'll just be here for a meeting. And we'll call you when we've done. So we went through that meeting. Clearly, Michelle has just most amazing woman, the my business life coach, Chase, she just picked it up. And she knew and being a really brilliant coach started asking the questions. Yeah. And I wasn't gonna tell anyone or anything. I was shut down. I was closed. I wouldn't talk to Christine. You know, when she just knew. She just knew something was really bad. Yeah. Through that conversation. She made me realize that. Yeah, you might be unhappy for the fact that the money didn't make you rich, but you got so much. And she said something to me. She said, Where's the girls? I said, they're just playing in the trees. She says just look at them. Just take some time and look at them. And of course I broke down. Yeah. So Christine, my ex and Michelle. They talked me through the process and you know, helping me out of that hole. No one can ever get you out of that hole. Yeah, but it's great when someone's got the rope at the other end and you can pull yourself out. So

we just just just quickly there it's it's part of it is knowing that someone is there and someone cares. And when you're ready that that you're not as isolated as you think you are. Yeah,

And I think, you know, I think that the awareness of mental health and the black dog, and you know, are you okay? That's just, you know, yeah, UK is a one day a year day, but it's just opened up so much for people to talk, especially men men just do not talk. Yeah. And it's becoming more prevalent that they are, that they're actually seeing. The vulnerability is the greatest strength that you can show, you know, Brene Brown type stuff.

Yeah. And, and I honor you for being so open with this, because so many will listen to this and get so much value out of it. Me.

Yeah. You know, I've always been emotional and vulnerable. And I mind showing it and people think it's a put on, but it's not like, it's just comes from somewhere. It's just the men that have taught themselves to repress it. And, and I was, you know, I was brought up in a European family where you don't show emotion, you know, unless someone's dead. You know, you don't show emotion you just keep on going. So that was something taught to be in by blood by Michelle as well, you know. And so we formulated a place of saying, in the database, the grief, the grief is, holy crap. I was supposed to be rich and happy, but I'm rich and the most unhappiest I've ever been. And I always say, I'm so grateful for the most unhappiest day of my life. Because if it wasn't for that day, I wouldn't do what I'm doing today. And everyone, it's just cliche, but it's really what we formulated was to go away. And so what was the unhappiness about? Well, when we really got roar about it, and was selfish about how he was doing properties, and putting it to the market as if he was trying to fix a problem when realistically, all he was doing was filling his bank account?

Well, I remember reading

a quote, rich people have a lot of money and wealthy people have time to spend it. That's the quote, we used to be able to move forward out of that situation. And then we looked at the business and said, How can we actually make this business, something that actually going to benefit other people. And we came up with the second phrase, which was, it needs to make sense before it makes dollars. So that is, the has to benefit the community first. And secondly, it has to be financially viable, and it has to do both, because otherwise you can sit at home, and you can go broke, dry trying to fix a community problem, you know? Yeah, good, good mate of mine, Billy Moore, he played for Queensland, Australia, and rugby league said to me, you know, the hardest way to help someone that's poor is to be poor yourself. And not that we help poor people. But what we what we ended up doing was researching and finding the gap in the marketplace. Now the upside down marketplace. And, you know, you talk about upside down marketplaces, it's really simple. You take you take Amazon, Netflix, you know, Uber, you know, Kodak didn't get the attempt to fix their upside down marketplace. So you know, we ended up with, with digital cameras, and the list goes on, right? So what we started to research was what we found through census data between 2011 and 2016. And, you know, we were obviously, doing this beforehand. So we looked at census data beforehand. And then we've updated from 2011 2016 2016 to 2021. In 2011 2016, out of new households created. So, you know, my family of six that lived here, four daughters and wife is now an ex wife. So she's created her own household with one of the daughters, then we've got another daughter that's gone out on her own, then we've got another one. So the other three have gone on create. So out of this one household created for new households, right. So when you talk about the new households that are getting created in Australia, before 2011, the numbers were like 5050 50% of the new households were singles and couples. And 50% of the housing were three, four and five bedroom houses, right. So we sort of could say that there was a match between the families and all of that sort of stuff. Why 2011 To 2016, he dropped out to 58% of new households were singles and couples, and 66% of new houses being built and taken the market with three, four and five bedroom houses, most of them four bedrooms. 2016 to 2120 21 69.5% of all households been created as singles and couples, and 82% of all new housing is three, four or five bedroom houses. So we've got a mismatch in the marketplace. Talking about this 13 years ago, Australia had 12 million empty bedrooms, we now have 13 and a half million empty bedrooms every night when we go to bed in Australia. Right crazy. We've got a housing problem, we got a affordability problem. And we've been we build the largest houses in the world in Australia. In 2011, the largest houses in the world 246 square meters with 2.5 people in every house. We're now who is now three and now 19 square meters with 2.38 people in them. So, you know, you look at these trends and you go, something has to give. So we decided to look at ways where we could take one front door and convert it into four, five or six front doors, and look at creating an affordability outcome for the people that were living in it. But ironically, the people that own the property ended up with more cash flow. So something that would normally rent for back in the back in the day, $400 a week, we would convert that property, we would find singles and couples to rent sections of the house, everyone has their own bathroom, their own bedroom, their own seating area, their own kitchenette, they share the main kitchen, and they share the laundry, each one of those would pay 200 to 250. So effectively, instead of paying $400 a week for a couple to rent a house, they're now renting for two under 250. And we include the utilities in the cost. So they're actually not got that extra cost so they can live, they look after a smaller part of the house. So I'd have to worry about gardens or main areas, because that looked out for the for them. They have 1/3, or one half of their normal weekly rent. And we include utilities, so they can save money to buy a house within three to five years. We're looking after the middle class, what used to be class, right?

Yeah, so the the strata is absorbed, the utilities absorbed, so everyone's waiting,

don't quit. So then you take the next step, the landlord was getting 400 Now getting 800 Take some costs off that he's probably getting extra to Kabila he or she is getting extra $200 a week. But the most important part for the community is that we're actually building community which is lost in Australia. And by doing what we're doing, not only to the first to benefit, but the community benefits, because what we just did was we took couples and singles out of family homes, put them into one house to save money to buy their own house, but freed up three family homes so that families can actually drop down a notch to a lower rental and actually save money for themselves. So they can go and buy their house in three to five years. And so that made a monumental difference in my life, because all of a sudden, I was going from, you know, filling the bank account, to actually helping out the community. And the irony was out of all of that more zeros. Which we reinvested into like a you know, I took what we take what I take what I need. Now I don't I don't need to be the richest man in Babylon anymore. So the the thing about this was that I went out looking for ways to do this. And I found unused, unused, unknown policies around the country, all states. But when I made it to get the specialist, an expert that knew about all the rules and regulations, standards, Construction Code, Disability Standards, discrimination acts, all the things that are in the Residential Tenancy Act and Planning Act and all of them working together, I couldn't find one person, I could find individuals, but I couldn't find the one. And by default, I had to get all that information in my head, to be able to progress forward, I made some mistakes really early on. And thankfully for those mistakes, I could then start to show other people how I did it. Remember, I got a teaching degree now too, because I, you know, went through TAFE. And they were the good old days, but TAFE actually paid for you to go to university during work hours, paid for your degree, and also paid you for two extra days of work. Like it was crazy, like, unbelievable. And so yeah, we then I then became the expert. I've now advised multiple governments, multiple councils on policy, and have instigated that most recent and proudest is that I've just managed to convince the Queensland Government through the housing summit to take this policy across the whole of Queensland. So we now have full of WA, the whole of South Australia, the whole of Victoria and Harlow, Queensland have a policy that allows us to do what I do on a daily basis.

Excellent. Now, what we talked about before he came on, you've done a heap of personal development. And like a lot of people have done a lot of personal development. And you've probably told your story, a lot of times, you've got really good at navigating yourself through this conversation.

Let's start right at the first personal development for me, right? Because personal development has a very different viewpoint for me today. nearly 36 years down the track. My first was basically at the age of 14. And at the age of 14, I was lucky enough I went to a private Boys School in Mason suburbs, and I was lucky enough, sorry, the cheapest private boarding school in the eastern suburbs before anyone makes any judgments about them. It's where the rich reference to when they didn't go to public school and they could afford somewhere else. So I was thankfully chosen to be part of a group of students from every class so there's probably 12 of us to from every class that met weekly in this called chapel. And we had and for me, it was like, I've got two hours off every Wednesday that this is awesome, right? And so they put us into the the foyer of the chapel. And we all just sat on the ground. And we had one of the Christian brothers and a priest. Just talking to us. And the name of the program was behold the turtle. And that didn't mean anything to anyone, right? Like, it's nothing. And it was a six week program. And on the sixth week, we were talking around the room, and it got nothing major happened up until that six week for me, I don't think it happened for anyone else either. So we're talking and there was one guy said something and, and it triggered for me something to say, well, you know, actually, what I really do get affected by other people and what they think of me and what they say. And while sometimes I might laugh at the another joke that's going on, it really affects me in a really negative way. And still getting emotional. It really affects me in a real negative way. And I feel bad about myself. And one of the other guy's who, ironically, was one of the people that used to say all that some of the awful things to me, and then I won't consider it bullying, okay, but kids nowadays, nowadays would but you know, different different demographic, different time. He says, really, is that how you feel? Okay, yeah, I really do you feel like that. And I looked at the Christian brother, and I looked at the priest, and I just sort of looked down. And I heard the priests say, Behold, the turtle. This last six weeks, you've all been hiding behind this shell. And you just opened up and showed the soft side of who you are. Well, that's what we're about.

So good. I'm drawn to the scene. As someone who is clearly highly sensitive and sensory, like you are, I'd say, no, no, not only carrying the weight of what other people, other people's stuff, but like, because you are so such an empath, that you carry other people's load emotionally, all through this as well, right, which is, like, what's something I could identify with? Because it's been a, like a lifetime thing as well. And that, that becomes an extra depth of overwhelm, which and I'm drawn back to that, that moment where you're thinking of taking your life. It's like, not just your own stuff, but but all of that cascading down on top. Right.

Yeah, you know, and a lot of people say, oh, you know, you're an empath, and just must be hard. Okay. Yeah. It's so hard because, like you, I feel everyone's grief, and I feel everyone's sorrow and fear. And you take that on board, because you feel you know, even if you haven't been through that situation, you know, how they feel. But then the opposite side of that is, yeah, I also get to feel your happiness. And yeah, easily going well in your life. So I wouldn't give that up for anything. To see someone happy makes me happy. Right. Yeah. And, and in that process, the interesting part was the reaction to that. The reaction to me being vulnerable in front of my peers made me angry afterwards. I didn't know how to process

Interesting. Yeah, so

and I was an angry land, right? Like, I'm, I'm only five foot one, but you know, can be angry, was very angry. And so you know, couple of tables and chairs got taken out that afternoon, by me, because I, I was from a European upbringing, you don't show that vulnerable ability, you don't show other people your feelings. And here I was, and I just laid it out on the table, thinking, Oh my God, these judges, these guys are gonna judge me for being the weakest link.

So you're angry at yourself?

Yeah, for showing people Soft. Soft, but now I understand as the strongest component of what you can show anyone in this world, which was vulnerability. So anyway, I, you know, the six weeks was up. It just happened to be that that time and I went through that, and I remember working with the priest afterwards, and you know, we worked through it and it was all good. Okay. Okay, man, I've sort of started my personal development. I'm done. I'm finished. I've got it. Right. Then I hit the age of, of 19. And my first serious girlfriend leaves me after spending 220 $2 We're not even I even after only getting $22 a week for that first year. I still saved 800 bucks. I don't know how right but so I broken up with her where she left me and a lot of learning out of that. And I got to a point where I was a semi professional football soccer player. So I had contract where I still still work during the day. But you know, I was I was getting paid at the time, maybe 200 bucks a game or something like that. More for a win less for a loss. So I started, I started with his team, and I train hard like, I don't go half if I go, I go hard. Yeah, and I couldn't get fit just couldn't get fit at all. Two games into the season, they cut my contract. So my parents at the time was seeing a naturopath. So I went in and saw Catherine Catherine said, rodeo, it's show me and I'd never met her before. She says, just let me look in your eyes. She had this telescope type thing, she put my eye up against it. And she went, Okay, she took notes down and I had long pants on. And she said, this was a grabbing attention thing. She said to me, you have a lump on your right shin, and your left knee has been giving you trouble and I didn't limp or anything into the place. And I went, hang on how did you know you looked at my eyes and you have it. So she unexplained how the iris is a diagnosis tool in iridology, to be able to look at different parts of the body and know that things that are inactive and active. And, look, you've got six organs that really need some help, you know, you're not dying. But the reason you've got no energy and mainly is your liver. So let's start treating that. So she put me on to a regime of herbs and food. And by chance, luckily, for about two months, I kept on training for myself. Two months later, I got a call back and I said, look, we've got some injuries, do you want to come back? And I said, Yeah, I mean, I was fit by that stage, and I played the best season of my life. But during that process of clearing, she sent me off for colonic irrigation. So for those of you don't know, colonic irrigation, basically you've got a catheter gets inserted into your butthole. They put gently they say put water in massage your large intestine, and then the water gets evacuated out either through another tube or into a hole in the bed. I don't like the hole in the bed method. So I the tube method was one I started with. And so I lay on the bed and was talking to mice. My first real ever mentor whose nickname is The Poo ferret is an out of the box. gay woman who's just so loud and so boisterous to write. And I remember laying there and thinking and I said, I said to her, you know, what, do you ever run courses on how to teach people how to do this? And she said, Yeah, occasionally I've done one course. And I'm thinking about doing another one. I said, Well, I'd love to be involved. And I'd love to learn how to do this, right? So in this, that's my next lot of personal development, where as a 19 year old, I started doing natural therapies. I was a plumber, and then started so it did biochem. So basically, I'm a qualified naturopath and other than herbs, and one other subject, but basically

shift shifted your plumbing for the physical world to the physical.

Yeah, that's right. So that's one of those things that they asked you to party, you know, who here can do something that no one else can do. And I will, I will always say. So I will always say that I can handle drainage from mouth to treatment system. Not only not only can I do colonic irrigation, but I'm a plumber that can set up the pipe work. And I also have a seven worldwide patents on the treatment of wastewater domestically. So I can treat the wastewater all the way back through to normal water to put back in your body if you wanted to. Right. So on the first day, the irony was on the first day of the course that night, I was five minutes late because I again, big ego here award winning plumber. So there is a thing called the Olympics and I actually did really well at that. So I had received an award for wastewater treatment. And I took that award and took it into my first Colombian irrigation class with six other people I said, Look what I just want. So I really know how to treat ship. And we will always say the poop very well. Like I say that with there's only very few people that can officially officially tell someone that they're full of shit and

so yep, finish that last little bit because because I want to dig in a few of these places we've already been

what happened there was that I started doing this course and this course was not about putting a physical tube in someone's bum and and then getting rid of physical crap. I didn't know realize that because I probably wouldn't have done it otherwise, but what it was about was actually working on yourself to get rid of the shit in your life, so that you could help other people get rid of shit in your life, because colonic irrigation is a turning point or a crossroads. Generally, for someone in their life, we would see people come in, and they would have a monumental life decision to make. And when they come in the clarity, so 6% of the absorption into your bloodstream comes out of your large intestine. So when you've got shit running through your body, up into your brain, you're gonna think cloudy, you're not going to make good decisions, and you're not going to be able to move forward in life. So we would see people sort of just wander up the driveway, come in, get a treatment, and then skip out of the place, literally. And so that whole process was that we needed to release ourselves. So here we were thinking that was a physical thing. But really what the poof area net was doing for me it was actually working with through a process of my personal development to get me to a point where I was a much better person. And the story I'll I'll finish this part off with before we move on is she has a patient card for every patient that comes in here, into the into the clinic. And actually, by the way, still my metal, ring her quite a lot. And there's no one that gives you more honesty than her. So in the gods, she says, Okay, well, here's all the acronyms I use. So if someone picks up the card that actually don't know what I'm saying, like most people would do in different scenarios. So I pull my car out, and I look at it. And I'm dismayed and look across at her and I say, you've got FY haitch, here. And I said, What's that about? And she goes, Well, you were, if I hate is fucked in head. So when I first turned up, she just saw this out of kilter out of spiritual alignment. young kid, that wasn't quite there yet. And she told me afterwards that she was very hesitant to accept me into the course, because she didn't know how I was gonna go about it. She will tell you now, that and that I am one of the people that she knows very few of them, that I may not see it, I can't see it. You know, you could talk it over and over it, but the brick has to hit me in the face. And when the brick hits me, it's bang, done. Decision made changed. Let's move on. Right, yeah. Um, and that's what happened in that course. And again, at the end of that course, I don't need any more personal development. I've done it all.

All right. So we could be here for hours, because I can see how you made so much happened in your younger years, because you are 100 miles an hour, which is awesome. So where to start? I want to go back to that that moment. But just some things that have really showed up now. And when you were talking about that bit about? I don't know if you said angry itself, but that's what I've written down here. But it's like, oh, and you mentioned liver. Yeah. And liver, I don't know, You've obviously done this part of the study of organs is where we hold the anger, right? Sure. And also, when you were talking about, like working with people, I just like felt this wave of tiredness, and it's like, are you aware of how much when you get knocked off kilter physically? Or otherwise? How much of that is actually other people's junk? Still having a, an impact?

Yeah. And, you know, there's, there's, we could go quite deep and spiritual. And I could take you places where some of the viewers are going Kathy's classification not bad. But Ireland,

I go, wherever you're drawn to, because people are open to going down those rabbit holes.

You know, ultimately, you look at your life, and you look at body therapy, and how that all works in. And you know, I've got a wonderful, wonderful, amazing man that I know who's nearly 80. And does body work better than anyone else I know. And the reason behind that is that he's worked through and taken it to the next level, I believe, of heal yourself by Louise L. Hayes, where 100% of all emotion is related to the physical ailments that you're having, generally, legs down, he's going to be physical, but from from waist up, there's going to be something going on in your life. And like, I might go into him and say, Look, my, my knee is killing me and he'll come up, you know, just my shoulder. But the way he'll do it is he'll talk me through the process of something in my life as if he's a fly on the wall and has heard the conversation. And so you talk through that process, you think about it, it does the adjustment and you're back and running right at times, and he doesn't touch it. Eat, which is annoying, because most people out there may touch right? Yeah. And so I've had times with him where he hasn't even needed to touch me. And I felt my body move. And it's an I'm not a really sensitive person, right. So I'm not it's not as if I could feel every jolt in my body. So yeah, I mean liver. And all the meridians on the liver are based around anger and how you hold on to that anger, and, and the clearing of the colon. So the colon is the center of your body. And let's say that your sewer connections in the basement of the house, and it's blocked, what ends up happening is the basement feels full of shit and you go, that's no problem. I'm upstairs and flushing toilets. But the waft of the of the smell of this basement makes its way up through the house. And every time you flush the toilet, it's going to start backing up further and further further. So people start regurgitating is actually a blockage for right down at the bottom. And that's coming and backing up, you clear that, that what then happens is it every other in the body body in the organ goes poof, I've got some room to move, and they've dumped and flush too. And one of the stories I can tell you about is my wife, Christine, while I was doing the course, we were on the side painting houses at night time to make some get some extra money to be able to buy our new house. And on this one occasion, they wanted oil based paint. And Christine was super sensitive, right? We painted that night she was spewing up shitting up everything that she could from the chemicals and I got her on the table and, and did a colonic on her. And I've never seen anything like it again, green, low row coming out the tubes. I've seen pinks and oranges and yellows and different colors like that. But this was Flora green. And so I went back to a net. And so she'd got up off the table and went to work. So it was like six o'clock in the morning. Like she was dying for the whole night. And she got up and just tried it off the work quite happily. I spoke to the Blue Fairy about it. And she says, yeah, that was gallbladder just dropped all the gunk, because it was too much of a load on her body to be able to handle it. And so, so when it comes to healing the body, I'm 100% believer, if you don't have Louise l Hayes book, you can Google it as well, if you've got a neck issue, know that your neck issue is related to the fact that you can't look at other people's side of the of the equation, and that you're not willing to turn around and look at it. So that's why your neck starts to go thrown out. And you can do affirmations to start thinking about that. And you'd be surprised how quickly your neck will get resolved without seeing a chiropractor, right? But it's always good to go and do that. So for me, it's about saying, Okay, what's the ailment? What's the fix, where's the blind spot that I've got in my life right now to actually fix and move forward to a bigger level. And, you know, I've done some out there stuff I you know, up until the age of 35, maybe never smoked, didn't drink until I was 19 I was only really for six months space there what when my ex girlfriend left in the fucking head stage. And really hadn't touched and hadn't touched any drugs, including hardly any pharmaceutical at the age of 35. I, the marriage started to fall apart about that time I went deeply into psychedelics as a point of therapy of who I was, my ego is such a strong ego, that I needed to do psychedelics to be able to push that out of the way and get the real story into my unconscious mind. So that I could actually see things as they were without the ego trying to protect me. Because ultimately, ego is just you're protecting it protection mechanisms to say, you think in this way. And if you change the way you think, then I as an ego will get destroyed. So I need to come up with ways to be able to counter affect the fact that you want to change. So

got up it's rare that I get to 43 minutes, and I've barely got a word in what I'm drawn to, if you if you're okay with me be completely blunt. Is it as part of part of that still playing out now? Right? Because generally I have the conversation, I unpack some of these moments at a bit deeper. But we've moved on to the next one, the next one, the next one. And you go on,

we didn't go as deep as you want in any of those occasions. But yeah,

I'm not saying I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I'm just saying that these these things are also there. They still play out. But again, it's why you're so good at identifying for other people, right? Because that like it's the same patterns that that I run that I'm challenged with. I'm getting better at dealing with them every day, but that allows us space to help other people. Sure. Yeah. I was gonna say so. On that actually, uh, you finish what you were gonna say there and then I'll come back.

I was gonna say lots I mean, if we talk about psychedelics, get on to Netflix, get on to wherever you can, and watch whatever you can about it. Because the view of psychedelics is that it's an illegal, they're illegal drugs that will, you know, create an outcome in your life that's going to be negative and that you'll be addicted to it, you cannot be addicted to a drug that makes you purge, or shit, or makes you feel awful, or gives you a negative experience during the process to come from positive outcome. Now, when it comes to psychedelics, I'm not I'm not professing that anyone should do it, I'm simply giving you my experience. And I looked deeply into it before I started looking at doing what I've done. And the basis of psychedelics is, you know, different different psychedelics for different people reacts in different ways. There's no dosage mechanism, there's like, I literally have to take what they call a hero's dose every time to get any to get the ego out of the way. And a hero's dose is like something what what a standard person would do to be able to create a life altering change in their life, but I just need that knock it out of the way, right. So God forbid, if I want to do a hero's dose, right. But you know, the treatment of PTSD, the treatment of anxiety, you know, addiction, like it lists go on. And when you look at the history, and you start watching those documentaries, you'll see that what really came down to psychedelics being knocked off the market was that the Americans during Vietnam, were getting soldiers that were going down and doing psychedelics and seeing the world the way it really was. And that wasn't in alignment with killing victims, and that they were going AWOL or not doing what they're supposed to do. And so very quickly, and that's the basic, but, you know, you can look deep into other reasons as well. But that's what happened. They made them illegal overnight. And, you know, we're now and pharmaceutical companies, they can't take a patent against a natural process or drug, which means they can't make any money out of it. And it's extremely effective in treating different things your life. For me, what it did was, it gave me the realization that that working 20 hours a day like I had done for 20 years, regardless of whether it was making me unhappy or happy is probably not the way to go. That the drive to continue doing what I did on daily basis to fix a community problem or whatever, can be done in different ways. And you don't have to be at a high level spike all the time to be able to achieve that. But more importantly, how can you just settle down a little bit? How can you just be a little bit more calm? How can you start listening to other people. And the problem with psychedelics is that you don't notice the change, it's people making note of your change. Sometimes it's immediate, sometimes it's two months, sometimes it's a year down the track where you get someone comment to you and you go, Okay, I hadn't really noticed that, or I hadn't noticed that it changed for me. Now, there are some things in my life that I continuously go in, you know, talk about psychedelic set and setting, right? It's got to be set up correctly, and the place that you're in needs to be supported. So, you know, if you're gonna go do psychedelics on your own, and chew on machines for a little while and see what happens, I think it making a mistake, you know, go to people that really understand and know what's going on. And so because if you do have a bad experience, they're trained to be able to walk you through that bad experience, because you're not zapped out to the world, you know, you might different different psychedelics, different feelings, different outcomes. But effectively, they're there to support you and help you through that process of thinking, because, you know, it's going to bring up stuff for you. Mostly good stuff, my life, my Iboga ceremony, you don't often do Iboga more than once, and I think I ended up doing it again. But Iboga is, you know, you need to go get your heart tested and make sure that everything's right. And I've always sick. You know, I felt sick, like wavy and bit for about a week and a half afterwards. But that experience was the most profound experience of my entire life. It took me to places that made so much sense, including taking myself back to a three year old and looking at myself as if I was taking a photo and seeing all of my surroundings so clear. And what it did for me was it made me realize even more, significantly more, how incredibly powerful All our minds are and how every day on a daily basis, even more now, do I understand that the six year old is driving everything you do? Yeah. And

it's, yeah, it's amazing, isn't it. And just back to the psychedelics and anything like that, it's the same as other parts of our life, we're going to get the best results, and we have structure. And we have support and guidance from experts in the different area. You know, I just want to bridge that back to your your level of expertise around the these community that you're setting up. Generally, when we find that thing that's fulfilling, it's it's filling a gap that we didn't have. So you talked about creating houses now where you've got your own space, your own bathroom, those sorts of things. When when you were growing up, as a, as a young fellow, as you said, First Generation, were they all things that were a challenge? Like was was the early days? In?

Not, not hard luck story for mine? I

don't have luck, but it's slow. What was there? Was there a space? Or was there something that wasn't there? So what my point is this, and I'm having to bring this back to my memory, because about half an hour ago, sure. But one of the great gifts that the immigrant families, particularly from Europe, around this context around community, it's what they brought to Australia. And as you said that that sense of community is being eroded. And yeah, why would we go away from something that is such a positive impact for you individually, as a family and for a greater community, and I love how you're bringing that back?

I think. And so that Invader is you know, we're bringing back genuine community connection, one house at a time. And, and the community I grew up in is not that, that, you know, you get multi generational families living together in Europe, and in Asia, it was more that the story that I tell was that we had a 420 square metre, three storey built home. Sorry, it's four stories with the garage. Up here on the Sunshine Coast was the house that we first lived in when we came up here. And in that house, I hardly saw the kids, you know, they were in their rooms, or you know, we'd have dinner and to get stuff together. But if you wanted to see the kids, there was somewhere in this four story house. So we ended up buying this property after that one. And it had a two bedroom, 85 square meter project home on it. And with four daughters, that meant that, you know, the eldest took one bedroom on her own. And then the other three sit down in the lounge room and Christine night, my ex wife lived out of his slept in the bedroom. And what I noticed was that by living in the smaller house, the outcome was we interacted more as a family because there was nowhere else to character, if they wanted to go anywhere outside the outside the house meant they could play out there rather than being on their, you know, tech, where and importantly, if they're on their tech, I was looking over their shoulder because they had nowhere else to be right now. Now we've got this family thing going back on where sofa because the girls are on tech in front of us. And they're actually getting out more because, you know, and, and we only had one toilet in the house. So I had the ability to be able to put a second toilet in as a plumber, would it take me two hours, right? But I decided to prolong that for a little bit of time. Because by default, without even talking about it. Our family ended up with a timetable of sharing and using the toilet. So that had and then I went, you know what I actually feel like my six year old, I feel like I'm back in my little house in George Street in Muscatine. Eastlakes in Sydney, right. And it started making me think about a little bit more about community because if we've lost the family unit in these large houses, we've actually lost community before we even got out the front door. And so, my I went back to and started thinking about the street I grew up in, you know, next door we had my auntie Carmel, in an asbestos clad home. And she was my auntie Carmel. We lived in a speckled rendered Brown and White House like everyone did with bars on the windows and I think the bars were to keep me in not people out. And across the road was Monaco, and Nick the Germans who had two girls And next to them was the house that I ended up buying down the road was Monica's parents. So she grew up in that street and bought in that street. Then there was the great guy next door. And there's a great mix to us, you know, that was Nick and Angela, sorry, Tasha and Angelou, who had two sons, Nick, and the other one, Peter. And, you know, this was a community, everyone talked to each other, everyone interlinked with each other. And I look back at that, and I look at my auntie Campbell, so through circumstances in my mother's life, I would have to get up to get to school without her assistance, right. But my auntie karma would make sure I was up, dressed, fed, and then she'd get me off to school. And that army camo. It wasn't until about the age of 11, that I remember looking at her, and the penny dropped, and I went, Hey, hang on. That's not actually my auntie. She's like, all I had to do is look at this color of my skin versus her and I would have worked it out, right? Yeah. And I remember actually, again, sort of pushing away from the fact that she's not my Auntie, I'm not going to call her auntie anymore. But my dad pulled me in the line, or probably after the second time where I said, calm or clicked me across the well, actually, there's a story about that one, too. But so then. So then I realized that that's where the community family feel came from that we'd lost it in Australia, there was still parcels of it. And you know, we went did I actually went off and invested in Devonport quite heavily, because it was the place that I still saw community that was active in there. Now. My auntie Campbell, she died in 2014 2015. And, and that was an emotional time for me, because I wrote a letter to Bernadette, her eldest daughter, and I said to Bernadette, you know, such an impact in my life, because your mother was closer to me than any of my blood Auntie's. And that's because of the community we had in that street. And in many streets. Yeah, yeah. So what absolutely awesome that I was able to not only find something different in the business, but also could align the community aspect of it back to my childhood.

So good. So of all the conversation, that's the bit that like, lead you up the most, right, so. So what I what I love about this platform is to, is to shine a light on the elements of, yes, you're an expert for all these reasons. But this is why you're the expert, because it's so undeniably linked to your past and to your heart. And like the the Goosebumps I'm getting at the moment is like this is how we find that work that actually that actually means something. So if you go back full circle to us talking about making the money but not actually feeling the happiness whereas now you've got something that's perfectly aligned to who you are your journey your family, your family, who were community family made beautiful.

Yeah, and you know, I'm at a crossroads again, I have created a really beautiful business. And I've got some incredible people that work alongside me my the talent in my team are just amazing. And, you know, COVID hit that sort of changed everything for everyone and I, I, you know, I divorced. Well, it was three COVID that being I spent 265 days, the year before COVID on stage speaking somewhere around the country, so effectively only home for 100 days, to 365. And I honestly believe our marriage prolonged because of the fact that I was never home. And you're right. And part of the development of who I was, especially the psychedelics was there was times where I got home and I was home for and our parenting styles very different we could never align our parenting styles you know, I was deeply in love with Christine multiple times during our relationship and there was five times where we basically called it quits and in the end we did but the parenting style is very different. And so that effectively me being home during COVID is effectively what said yeah, this is not working. And you know, when you've got 37 different entities that own properties, it's not an easy thing to split. So that was probably part of the reason that we didn't do it earlier. But during that process, it started to do some deep soul searching about who I am what I want to be where I want to get to and what's my what's a new life partner look like? And so I wrote down a list of 30 things you know, attract attract those things around you that you want, write it down, make it physical, and even if you don't look at it again, it's actually imprinted because of the power of the mind in your unconscious. So anyway, someone someone I've met about four years earlier, we are family He's had dinner together. She messaged me out of the blue. She's from New Zealand and she said, Look, I'm splitting my husband. I'm looking at investing. And I know that you do invest, because we spoke about at the time. Can you give me a hand and just talk me through some stuff as well? No worries. I'd split with Christine. Things developed. I said, I'll come over for a cup of coffee. Now, when I flew myself to New Zealand, on the whim of just going for a date, right, well, yeah. Love, right. Because I did, you know, I've done intensive, intensive with David Deida. So if you don't know, David data is, you know, masculine, feminine energy. And it's certainly one of the most uncomfortable things I've done in my life doing those intensives with him, because you're taking yourself to places where are beyond vulnerable, full on, and, and that connection of masculine feminine and what the masculine should be doing what the feminine should be doing, not man or woman, masculine, feminine. Yep. Anyway. So I went across, I had this cup of coffee, I booked to be there for seven days, some closures happen, because it COVID. So took it out to 10 days, I flew back to Australia for two madly in love with this woman, and flew back by surprise, and when I flew back, they closed the borders. So I got stuck in New Zealand, with an pilot with Holly dam, and it hadn't worked out, it would have been Damn. And if it worked. We had a four month intensive of being involved with each other's lives at a depth at stage four lockdown, and she's a nurse at the time she was a nurse to get to the point where I then made some lifestyle choices and decisions that changed everything around me. The drive changed, the ability to to push changed. And we had a meeting recently, and I'm now back into the business, I sort of left the business to be able to be run for itself and sort of get dragged back in. And I said to my team the other day, everyone in my team has been with me for a long time, either as a student or as friends that have developed and we get we talk about it here that you get sucked into the vortex, you come over just a hit help us with one part of the business and then all of a sudden you're there full time and beyond full time, right? And I said to them, You know what I feel like, I've done so much for you all because I have I've helped them invest in property gets in, you know, establish themselves and up with their dream homes and whatever. Only to find you're still there I suppose I'll keep talking. Only to find that they're at a place where, you know, they're helping me out because I'm no longer in the business. So sorry, I don't know what happened. Well,

we talked about before, we jumped on about the physical energy levels of people at the moment, and also the infrastructure. And I was mentioning the blackout we've had and the drop out. And it was just a complete drop out. So you'd be well equipped to keep talking. So thank you.

I did sort of stop and I just started. But effectively, where we've got the point of business where I've handed out and not that I tally favors, but I always knew that I always help everyone around me. And and in the recent 18 months, I felt like I've used up my favors that this team of mine have supported everything I've done in the way that I've done it. And we had that meeting when I flew back to New Zealand for that surprise visit back to Holly after being away from two days, I was just so lovestruck still in that we had a meeting in this room. And we've got stuff in LA and Sydney and all over the place and and my marketing Head of Marketing said to me again, you just need to be Richard Branson, you concentrate on flying to the moon, just let us do the operations on the ground. Go and just follow what your heart says. And, you know, it was so warming and beautiful to have that and that support. And what it's meant for me is that I'm now at my crossroads. Because for me, the property stuff is done. It's doing its thing I'm making changes, you know, the 1213 years that we've been doing this is now making a difference. financially and affordability wise even though the housing market is getting worse we're doing better than those people. But we're now at that crossroads where Holly and I are in this business together. And were saying, you know, for me, if you could pop me on a stage, and Holly was next to me, or in the crowd, and I could travel with her, and I could just talk to people about life. I think that's what that's where I've been, you know, that's where my happiness comes from my happiness is those moments. I'm a teacher. That's my drive. Right. And I think the best way to describe it was I was listening to an ABC. So the conversation now with Richard Fidler, and they were interviewing a principal of a school that had been sexually assaulted when he was a kid and whatever. And I'm, I'm out in the middle of Queensland with a mate of mine who's now 85 years old, helping me paint this old church that we bought, you know, it was just some time out time to go and paint and we're sitting on a trestle painting and ABCs playing. And this principal said, you know, for me, the reason I love teaching is that moment in time, where doesn't matter how many times that personal student in front of you has heard what they just heard. But the way that you say it, the circumstances in their life, and everything comes into alignment on that day, where you look them in the eyes, and you see the penny drop moment, and they go get it. And that moment ticks my box, and I'm sitting on this chest or painting with Edie. And I broke down inconsolably crying because he put in words, what I've been trying to get out of my life and out of my mouth for so long. For men, it's those moments in time where you sit with someone, and because you said something in one way or another that they'd heard 1000 times before they finally get it. It ticks the box. Now, it's selfish, right? It's selfish, but we won't go out hoping and doing other things on the basis of only helping others because there'll be no fulfillment. Otherwise, you'll just be another rich person, right and unhappy.

100% It's all about the fulfillment and joy that we get at helping people that absolutely is selfish activity. But what if what if that's not the best self defeating, givers gonna get so much value out of helping people? I don't know what is. So my question, and I'm glad you've kind of taken us this direction anyway, which you've done a great job, like I said, of leading the conversation where I want to Well, I was thinking that we go anyway. So I'll say this, it's really interesting to me that from, I get a full physical ride of people's emotions through this, the digestive stuff that I've had going on, I've had to mute myself a few times. Your story is not surprising the moments of nausea, the up and down. And again, it's like, it just says, everything that you've talked about is is that's your story. So my, why I went there is like, okay, and you kind of said that you're at that crossroads, because I was gonna ask and what, okay, you've done all these amazing things. What is the gap that you now see, not in the real estate marketplace, or property or anything? But what is the gap that you see in the world, that you know, you can feel?

I think the position of connection of human beings in general, but more precise, and more detailed around how partners interact with each other. So whether that be male, male, female, female, female, male, there's an understanding in in our lives that we just conduct ourselves like we have in the past, and that's how your relationship should be moving forward. But ultimately, if I put in its simplest terms, the terms that you know, the terms of actually looking at it from a perspective of David Dado, who's devoted his entire life to the physical and emotional energy between masculine and feminine, to the point where you can just keep it as simplistic as is, when your feminine partner comes to you and wants to tell you about their problems. They don't want it fixed. They just want you to listen, right here. Yeah. When the masculine, the masculine 's job is to take the feminine to God. It's to get that person in their feminine energy to a point that they've never reached before. And then when they get there, it's not enough. So the challenge is for the masculine to continue to evolve as a person to bring her to the point and it's completely selfless, including, you know, when you look at when you look at men, I'm gonna say in general, they just want to fuck blow a load and get out and If that is not serving your feminine woman, like it's not the way to go. So in the position of practicing that intimacy of yoga, it means being able to learn how to and I haven't mastered this, control the recirculation of your ejaculation because as soon as you let go of ejaculation, that's your energy gone. If you're you can't operate above that level. And just as I say that Holly walks in the room. So you then go to the point of saying, Okay, well, let's talk about connection, which doesn't involve sexual energy, but simply the connection of people between heart and souls, and how we can work that. On the flip side of that, the this would be done alongside Holly and we've been speaking a little bit recently about this, Holly's background. In her first marriage wasn't a great background from a perspective of the DBS situation what happened in there and out of the rule of seven types of dBs, she basically hit every one of them. But her lady, she's automatically attracted the people around her that are in difficult situations, females, mostly to get out of their relationships and asking her, What's my step? And so together, I think, in a perfect world, where the void that we can fill is to get couples in their current state, to enjoy their lives better and be well connected and more connected, and know that it's on physical. More importantly, I think from Holly's perspective, it's like how do I how do I help people navigate that process that if it's not going to work, then it's taken that way. I honestly left the David David David data intensives at a place thinking that is no people on this earth that can't get on. There is a way to be able to teach people how to be able to learn each other's energies work with each other, and just put things to the side that doesn't change my asshole have a neighbor though. It's sort of at that point where I think, for me, it's evolving into something that may not be a monetary focus, but probably closer to creating the focus around people and energy, I think, I love

how the way that that time came from, may not have a monetary focus. But yet it will make money anyway.

That was God chiming in.

With with any situation like that, like you talked about the neighbor, there has to be a willingness from both parties to be able to have that.

The readings but there's an energy about that too. So in any property that we buy for our clients or ourselves, we actually get an energy healing done on it. And it started with a woman called Maggie Landman and that's has she was born as Mandy it made the land man that's her that's her surname came out at the age of about 40 on a holiday after a dream opened the door of her caravan and could see Ley Lines positive lines negative lines as a psychic medium I suppose you would call it so she started doing land healings and you know she she doesn't have to go there she just needs a plan she can see the negative ley lines and positive draws them she then says go and get this crystal that crystal that crystal place it on the map or physically go and put it on the block in these spots. And interestingly enough has been the greatest asshole on Earth is we've just had to one in 100 storm events in Queensland this earlier this year right? He's really upset with me because his backyard is soggy

so as a plumber I can tell you it's not because of me right so

so he has been Acme hammer and tong and for anyone that's listening who's got a bad neighbor, go and get some crystals, some quartz crystal quartz with a spear on it the point and you'll you'll find them at a crystal shop and not have to be it doesn't have to be big it can be small every two meters just put a screwdriver in the ground and drop it with the point up all the way along down that boundary and you watch the change of the people on the other side of that boundary. It's incredible right? If this guy was being an asshole, and I said fuck you your mother for her so as a mozzie flies around my head just pretending to be him. I went and grabbed this massive crystal quartz the biggest one that I've ever owned right it was it was bigger than your fist and as long as my arm right and I've dug a hole and I put that fucker fight pointing upwards. Within two days, he sent me a message and said, Man, I just want you to know you're one of the best neighbors on the fuck Good evening for so long. But anyway, um but yeah

And yeah, we shouldn't just gloss over that, because, again, people listening to this podcast will have dabbled in the esoteric and be certainly open to it. And that whole energy thing like that same experience. So when we were selling one of our properties, my coach was saying to me, here's what you're gonna do, you're gonna, you're going to have to go there, clear the energy, you're gonna make it presentable for the ideal client. And you're going to sit, you're going to receive a price which you're going to get. Now, the, the agent wanted us to take before auction at this amount, the amount that came through was 40, or 50. grand more than that. We didn't get an offer, it went to auction. And of course, the agent was blown away at the price, which is three grand above what I was given through that guidance. And it's like, you can choose to believe that this is mumbo jumbo, or you can choose to be open, and to try it out and see what you get. Because the results speak for themselves.

Yeah, and being affirmative on your thoughts and processes important, you know, people telling you something, you say other people, you're a negative person. That's why you like as negative well, yeah, possibly. I also have a viewpoint to say that, you know, people that just say think positive, and your life will change. That's a crock of shit, right? There are days in my life where I I wake up and through No, you know, I've suffered from what I would presume is anxiety I've never had it looked at in any other way. But I presume is anxiety since the age of 14, right. And interestingly enough, when I was vulnerable, is when it started. So couldn't

just let me keep going. But what I felt just before you said that was excitement. So I'd say that probably some of the anxieties actually a whole bunch of excitement, which from having spoken to you now for 75 minutes will make sense. Keep going. So

some flight some days, some nights, some days I wake up, and I'm just sad, I can't tell you why I can't tell you what's happened. I can't tell you whether there's a chemical imbalance or, you know, whether there's a forces going on, because it's not front of mind. And, you know, I had a mentor who, who taught me what I didn't want to be. And at the time, I was really, really quite fragile. And she said, just think positive, think positive things. And I wanted to I wanted to realize, if you got any empathy of how I'm feeling right now, like positive, you might just go, the greatest sympathy on Earth she gave me like, be an empath. I'll just, we Holly and I are speaking about this at the moment, we're going for custody of her younger two children and the empathy. people's emotional intelligence is so much more important than their physical intelligence, you know, you look at it and say, You know what, anyone that has emotional intelligence will understand and be able to sit on the fence and go hang on what I just said there was wrong, or what they just said, could have been done better, better, or, Hey, together, we could come up with an outcome that's based on this. If some if you're on one side, and you've got some emotional intelligence, and I don't claim to be a professor of emotional intelligence, but the other side doesn't. It's just so difficult. And I suppose going back to your question, if if I could do if what I think the world is lacking, is, in part, emotional intelligence.

100% 100%. You said before, sometimes you feel sad, and you don't know why. So this has been my learning. So you talked about being an angry and that that was me, too, right? It was suppressed anger, a lifetime a suppressed anger. And that was my addiction. Now, of course, I've dabbled in a few other addictions as well over time, but the main overriding one was the was the anger. When we suppress anger. When we push it down, it turns into something else in our body, and sadness, anxiety, depression, other different things. It's not sadness at all. So we got this epidemic of, of these other inverted commas diseases, which is, again, from everything I've learned in my experience, and everyone I've taken through this, it's just suppressed anger. Low Level, low, low, low level anger, which is those things that we just tolerate and the big stuff. We're told that's not okay. You can't feel revenge. You can't feel resentment. You can't feel rage not actually that they're just things that you do feel and that's okay.

Yep. Big believer trade the column true believer, and that will make a huge difference in your life. And, and we're so easily labeling things nowadays. You know, we had one of the kini, our daughter here had some friends over and you know, he's been labeled as ADHD, ADHD somewhere in the world that kids like, he's a normal kid that just loves doing extra stuff. And he's quite heightened by it. Like, you know,

he's an innovator. Yeah. And

you know, there's other people that go, oh, yeah, I'm ADHD, but I've labeled it as a positive, it makes me more proactive, and I can actually function higher than anyone else. But I'll keep talking about. I'm not going to mention any names, but it's a public person that says that all the time if I can. But, you know, like I said it before, I presume it's anxiety I've never had it looked at, and I that's what I presume it is. But I don't need to label it. It's just so I can explain how I feel. And, you know, I just think that so many, especially this current generation, remembering the Simon Sinek will always say that the generation before was always a bad generation for every generation. All the way back to ape. But really, my view and opinion of this generation is that, you know, they're oversensitive to a point where you have political correctness, it's crazy. Like, my you have to refer to me as a pronoun of Dale them. Like, firstly, let's just start with English and go chromatically that can't be correct or can't be again, if there's only a one, right? Oh, yeah, but I'm part of a group. So I'm a them okay. Yeah, but you're you, you can't call you with them. Anyway, it just reminded me of something my dad used to say to me in Spanish all the time. And it's one of those jokes that does translate. And this is a to me, you know, there was a knock on the door the other day, and I asked who it was, and he said, Me and opened the door, and it was him. And then there's another doc at the door. And I asked who it wasn't, I said us and I opened the door, and it was them. You know, you think about pronouns. And you go well, if we got to where we got to where we were sort of tipped the other way a bit. And I'm not saying that you shouldn't be straight up with, you can do and be whoever you want, but to pronounce that you must, you know, I love Jordan Peterson, he's just so upfront about it, you know. And I love the work that he does is really quite a unique, interesting character, which, ironically, has gone into the space that I want to go into, which is marriage and wife and life.

And as you were saying that that's exactly where I was drawn to, to, because he talks about he goes and has these talks with the majority of the crowd of men. And he said, grown men are brought to tears, because suddenly, they have a safe space to feel understood. And like, there's been this what? What white men 45 Plus, have been ostracized, for the only reason that they don't even know what they're supposed to be anymore. They've been told what they can't be. I've been told all these different things that it's like, don't want to say that in case I've said someone and it's like, that's we've just gone too far. The other way, if you said the over sensitivity, and people worried about offending someone, Jordan Peterson talked about this. He goes usually people who have these causes, and they're pushing it out there, it's because they haven't got their own sheet in order. So focus on yourself, and then that's where you create the best change.

And I mean, there's things that I used to say on stage where there's just no way I could say it. And I've never watched American Pie until the other night, Holly said, Watch. You've never seen American Pie. And we watched I went, Oh, man, that nowadays just wouldn't go down. Well,

it's one of many movies that that wouldn't.

But yeah, look, I think I really do think that there's that phase of saying, how do people get on with each other? How do I actually, you know, having started so many businesses with an ex wife, and now in our current two businesses with Holly, I really do think that there's a space for someone to be able to assist people in relationships in business, to be able to connect with each other and really honor them as the partner that's, that's changing them. Holly and I have brought out stuff in ourselves we don't like and it's not that they they don't like Holly doesn't bring out in me the worst of me wanting to do it. But it's how we both handle it and go okay, well, how do we how do we, in this moment, still be angry, still be upset, but continue to love? And, you know,

it's part of the dads. It's part of the dance, right? Like being able to navigate that to me. That's that's the key element. So yeah, that when you talked about that just felt very clear. So If that's your inclination, I would say, from what I felt through my body. Absolutely.

I mean, I ran mentor mentoring program. I've run different mentoring programs for the last 15 years. The last the one that we just finished last weekend actually was a private mentoring program was a year program and it was a hefty fee to be part of it. And so that means it voted to change. My proudest things in there is taking the matriarchal. Well, it's a matriarchal to realize, but the patriarchal so that the man that has fallen into that dominant egotistical decision making be my wife type person, which, you know, for people my age are a little bit older is the basic makeup of them, and getting them to a realization that their wife is important that their wife is number one. And in that in that last group, we had two incredibly major changes in two men that that tick my books that make a difference to who they are now I ran it as a property development program. And one of those men came up with the cashflow, catchphrases, I came for the develop, I came for the property, but I stayed for the development, which was development on him to become a better person. I love that and unlike me realizes that personal development is not a I've done it, I've got there. It's a continual life thing for me now.

100% love that. Love that. And what I know about businesses, when you bring the energy of your partner into the business, then everything changes. So to me, it's not not a surprise at all, to hear that you now have this beautiful connection that's now completely changed the direction of the business. It's allow you to step out of the things that aren't important and come to this place of crossroads. And, and what I would say is expansion, so yeah, massive power tip. And that's fantastic.

Yeah, it's been awesome. Yeah.

Where can people find out more about you and whichever of these elements they want to? They want to dive into?

Yep, you can go to dwarf pole dancing.com. In leader, I NV Ida in vita.com that are yours. So in vita. So Vida is life in Spanish. So we're bringing life back into the housing market, we're giving life back to the people that live in it. We're giving life back to the owners those properties because they've got some cash flow. But more importantly, we're giving life back to the community and the government because we're providing housing at no cost to the community, but it's creating a community outcome.

So good and drawn to the start of this conversation and when you were given life back to you by actually opening up, man, what a beautiful journey. Thank you, Ian for sharing so openly was fantastic, and plenty alive. Still. I really enjoyed it.

Thanks, Mr. Hawkins.

You are welcome. I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform