Dealing With The Guilt When Someone Leaves Us Too Soon

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you, during this episode, please send me an email at info at the and Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

When someone leaves us too soon, feels like too soon. And the specific that comes to mind is recently here in Australia, quite prominent sports person and coach took his own life. And it's quite an emotional for a lot of his mates. And they express that in public. A lot of what plays out is the guilt that comes from when we lose someone close to us. It could be through someone passing it could be through a relationship, lots of different ways that we feel that sense of loss with people. And while we tend to go through the normal range of grieving process fairly automatically, guilt tends to be the one that keeps us stuck the longest. Because we think of all those times where could I have done something different? Could I have said something else? Could I have acted in a different way? Could I have been more supportive? And, again, if I go back to that specific example, talking about someone who's had struggled with mental health, should I have seen the signs? Oh, maybe they did actually say something. Now, in hindsight, that was a warning sign I should have acted on. Could I have done something else to stop the events that unfolded? Now two things. One is, I'm a believer that things play out how they play out. Like we can't change other people's destiny. But more important than that is is that what the part that we can control is how we actually process and the more we then move forward with, we can't change the past, we can't go back and redo what we've had. That carrying all of the pain of that. For the rest of our life is not helpful. It's not going to bring that person back. It's not going to change what was and it's certainly going to have a negative impact on you on your life and how it goes forward.

Like I said, it's the most common thing that that people get caught in, it's something that comes up again and again with clients. And externalizing the guilt, talking about it with someone around what you're feeling is just so beneficial. Now, if you're not at the point where you're ready to talk to someone, then then take out your pen and paper journal, if you have a journal even better, or your diary, and get those thoughts out of your head, all of the thoughts of all the things that you wish you'd done differently could have done differently. Any other thoughts that come to mind? So that you can start moving on in a more positive way that will be of greatest benefit for you. But also do that person. Do that person's legacy, the ultimate respect by going out there and doing all you can to be the best version of yourself. So that you know that whatever you bring forth now is most importantly, honoring yourself but also honoring them and their life. And that's where you can start to feel more of that fulfillment, more of that joy and more have the ability to live in a way that you're free of those shackles and free to live life on your terms. Because you're consuming your body, it can cause illness injury, more of your own mental challenges, emotional turmoil and a disconnect from yourself. Numbness. That's not what you want. What you want is to have the energy and the drive to live life to the fullest. So get it down, get it out, speak to someone if if you're ready to do that, because you never never regret externalizing what's going on? And the relief that I see come over people when they open up and they let it out? And then the freedom they're able to go on with after that. It's just makes all the difference to prioritize you externalize suffering.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform