Ep 390 - After The Rejection Comes A Need For Attention

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this word, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

Last week, I talked about how the ringing in your ear the tinnitus may be a reminder from your body for about their rejection that you've faced in previous parts of your life. Well, I want to share with you today what shows up after the rejection. After the rejection, there's a strong need for attention. Because there comes a disconnect and isolation, maybe lost maybe feeling alone. Even living in your own house where there's lots of people there, in whatever partner you might have children, their parents, whatever, but you can still feel lonely, you know what I mean? That's when the rejection shows up the strongest. And then we want to find a tension. And what tends to happen when you've got things from your past that are creating these patterns, the loop of rejection feeling alone, next step is attention. How do I get attention, you go back to those patterns of lifetime your unconscious mind will take you back to your go to attention seeking pattern. For me, that was emotional outbursts was also getting injured. And there's stories behind both of those which I will share in future episodes as well. emotional outbursts was because I knew I'd always get a reaction from a young age. So with disconnect, sense of rejection, you get taught pretty early, what gets attention. And for some people they've been there's been a pattern from maybe behaving really well was what got attention, maybe it was B being entertaining, got attention. So that might be how it plays out for you now, but for me, it was emotional outbursts. So I'd pick a fight with someone in the family, usually someone who had some emotion sitting in their system anyway. And before you know what I had attention, not the attention that I want, but it was a tension, right. But that happens from such a young age. But then it becomes so hard, why then you get to an older time in your life, and it still plays out. And you'll wonder why you're behaving like like a small child. Because it's just a pattern that you know, an unconscious part of you knows it's going to bring your attention to do it. For you. It also might be things like illness and injury. So for me learning that, if I got injured, I got attention, I got caring, nurturing, became a pattern that played out to recent years to identify the pattern and took steps to make changes. If you are someone who regularly gets sick, maybe there's something plain out there where you're not getting the attention that you need. And when I say Attention does not say you're not getting attention, but the attention to the level you need. If you're for example, if you're a creative type and you your your needs are met at the highest rate of performance and every day's performance for you, and people aren't seeing that or they're or they're not appreciating it, well, then you'll maybe the default is to get back to getting silly and they want to sort of get sick. Maybe it's when mentally you're having you've just had a breakdown where you can't cope. And that's what's got your attention in the past got attention in the past, thinking about if you're a particularly intellectually intelligent person and you've always been able to get things done and been organized and praised for all of those things for your intelligence and for Feeling looking like you've got all your stuff together, they can also come with a trade off of that's exhausting to try and hold up to that level of expectation. So you might find there's like a breakdown of that suddenly gets your attention that you've been looking for that whole other time we pushed to try and show how intelligent you are and how organized you are to the nth degree that eventually you have a breakdown. Is that getting your getting your attention? Do you know if you isolate yourself, that people will reach out to you and give you attention? Maybe it's when you demand the least from other people, that they believe what you believe that how you see the world is how they should see the world. And you get quite vocal about that new screaming at the world, and maybe to people who don't want to hear it. Is that how you got attention when you're younger? And it's playing out for you again, now? With all of these things, Is there good, there's no bad just is it's like, well, how can I make changes so that I can just turn up how I want to turn up without having these reactions that old patterns of attention seeking. And it starts with an awareness of what your go to is, like I said, I know what mine are, I know how they've played out, I know how I can still fall into those traps at different times. And I know how to change that hadn't that habit. After I've changed the pattern, after I've changed the wiring have changed the programming. So awareness is the first step. So then you can go okay, well, if that's what's playing out, how do I want things to be different, then what needs to change, then you can take yourself through the steps to make the change, but only when you come to that awareness. So this might be quite confronting to think that some of your behavior is actually a cry for attention. And that might almost feel like that doesn't feel quite comfortable to you. But it's normal. It's completely normal. You're not alone, everyone's doing it in some way. Everyone's behavior is designed to bring them more, to feel better and to bring more connection because that's what humans desire. So it's okay, that's fine. But if it's not working for you, and you're not getting at the level you need then something needs to change. And if you're not liking how that shows up, so for me, I always got sick of the emotional outbursts I got sick of being injured, so I'll make some changes. So start to learn, get the awareness. If you're sick of being sick, if you're sick of having the breakdowns, if you're sick of feeling like you have to tell everyone what's what not get a good reaction from people, then might be time to look at things differently. As always, if you're not sure about this, then reach out I'm more than happy to answer any questions in any way that I can and start the conversation around it.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform