Ep 453 - The Grief Code Pillar 2 - Inner Calm

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this word, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it. Back on episode 432. On a podcast, I did a reintroduction to the Grief Code pillars. Very early in the podcast, I let people know the seven pillars of the grave code. And so I encourage all of you. And as I said in Episode 432, the pillars have evolved since I started that's about a month ago now getting close to two years ago, actually. So I'm going back through them. And today is pillar two in a column. Now one of the very real products of grief is anger and frustration. There's no hiding from it. Unfortunately, we live in a society where anger is seen as bad. Frustration is seen as bad.

It's an emotion that needs to be felt. And one of the hardest things is living in a world where not only is it seen as a bad thing, but you've grown up hearing messages of Don't be angry, don't be upset. And it's so hardwired in your system, and yet, post a significant moment of grief, you will get angry, and you do need to process it. If you're anything like me, you would have got really good at suppressing it. But that anger has got to go somewhere and it will find a way out. And when it does, does not feel good. What What's worse is afterwards, the inner turmoil because you start beating yourself up for that mistake. Why did you do that? You're such an idiot. You've done it again? Why can't you just be calm? Why can't you just relax. It was such a huge motivator for change for me. I got sick of being an angry dad, I got sick of being bringing my anger home from work my anger from all different areas home and inflicting it on the most important people in my world. It also spilled out when I played sport. And it all came from this inner turmoil, mental confusion, mental overwhelm a nervous system that was shot all over the place, couldn't regulate emotions, couldn't stay calm. I talk to you a lot about having clarity on what it is you want. And then with your journal keeping track of how you're tracking towards that. That's how I found the answer. So I could start finding in a car getting really clear that I wanted to be a calm dad, a patient dad, a calm husband, patient husband all to react in a loving way in a kind way in an empowering way. And my unconscious mind set to work to find the solution. And if you've listened to past episodes, you've heard our I've found that probably the only way I could have and that was through a sports book. This concept of meditation, of finding stillness of giving your mind at rest. And I started to feel better. And I started to find that I could be calm on the days that I've meditated but also found that the a lot of the information around meditation was was not clear. And starting out it was quite difficult wasn't helpful. And it was often written by people who have been longtime meditators and have forgotten what it's like to struggle. And like with anything, I love breaking things down into its smallest parts and unpacking it in simple ways that people understand. But do it when I'm coaching sport. And I do it when I'm coaching people in stuff around their life. Everyone's got unique skills, one of my best seems to be this ability to break things down into simpler parts. And so that's what I did with meditation. That's why they were finding inner calm. There'll be some meditation training that you'll be able to get on the website very soon. If you're listening to this down the track, then it'll be there already. And it's all that I've learned about having effective meditation that will help you find that inner calm. But meditation is not the only way that you find your journey, getting that clarity, having a clear vision for your future. Because a lot of the inner turmoil comes from uncertainty. No matter where you're heading, you don't know what you're doing, why you're doing it. And what you even want in life, I can remember asking people, the very first time I've met them and going, what's the outcome you're after? And they're like, I don't even know. I'm battling so much. I don't even know what I want my life. And then if I ask them to then expand that, what do you want beyond where you're at, at the moment that I it's been so long since I've even contemplated there's a possibility, I don't know. So have a vision for your future. Have some clarity, the more certainty you can build for your life, the calmer you will be within this uncertainty, this overwhelm. It pulls you apart, causes frustration. And, of course, working on yourself. There's anger there, finding ways to process visitor Kinesiologist. Get a good coach. Be able to externalize things, because stuff from your past is literally causing you damage it sits in your system. If you want to have a look at some of the science of it, have a look at the book the body keeps score. Because it does that moment of grief etched into your system. And then every related pieces of grief from your past come flooding to the surface and crash the new wave after wave. And we wonder why it's so hard to find that inner calm. It's completely overwhelming. So all of these things are going to help you to start pointing in the direction of finding your calm. And the right method for you will be the one that seems like the one that is calling you the loudest. certainty, clarity and that ability to regulate within just slow down your thinking, to be able to balance your emotions to give your nervous system arrest. So that's pillar two, you're on say recovery from grief. You're stepping into an empowered state after a moment in time, a moment that you get to choose whether it's going to pull your life apart, or be the very thing that helps you point in the right direction. And thrive and unlock your best future. Reach out if you have any questions about this. As always share your experiences. What have you learned about finding any kind and what's worked? What hasn't? Be curious, be exploratory and find what you find. Whatever you do take action and you will find the answers, you will find your inner circle. I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform