Ep 475 - Coping With Narcissism

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this word, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it. So if you look at the title of this particular episode coping with narcissism, I want to start out with two points. One is I got invited to speak to a pop up podcast in the model. It's called unbreakable women. It's for anyone who's experienced narcissistic relationship and the aftermath of that. So if you want to join us on that, it's a free event, listening to 15 incredible speakers from around the world, sharing their best tips on how to be able to cope. The link which I'll put in the show notes, but it's a bitly link. So for those unfamiliar bi T dot L EY, forward slash unbreakable hyphen, E and Hawkins, you can access this event, this event for free. And then over the next week, listen to 15 different speakers share their wisdom and from their own experiences. So that's the first thing. The second thing I will also say is I'm not a massive fan of using labels. So I haven't gone and studied a heap around the specifics of narcissism as a label, and the specifics around that. But I also know enough about it to know what it looks like to have experienced it and to know what it looks like on the other side, you'd have to have a full understanding of it to be able to relate to what I'm going to share with you now. The best description I read was a narcissist will have you you will get sorry, you will give your adulation or you will experience their anger. So can be a person who loves to be that center of attention loves to be in the spotlight loves to be the voice of reason in a different situation. And if you can't share with them with all of the plaudits and, and significance for that, that if you can't see their point of view, then then you'll receive their anger, their frustration, their scorn. And you might know you might know people like this in your life. In when you're an empath, which I know, listeners of this podcast are, you tend to attract these kinds of people. It's like the, the yin and the yang. There's, of course, things that we can do. And there's ways that we can adjust. And that's what this event is all about. Passing on so much of that knowledge. At a basic level. It's remembering that when you are triggered by these people, then it's not your fault. And how they're carrying on. That's not on you. That's their stuff. And no matter what you do, it will never be enough for them. They'll always find something else to pick out. So it comes back to how you respond your self responsibility, your ability to respond. And a lot of that is giving very little because anything can be used and manipulated. That's just learn to smile. Yep. Okay, giving really sort of emotion, emotion free responses. And the best strategy that I know is by asking questions. The key part is you need to be able to stay calm through this. But being able to ask questions, allows them to solve the problem themselves. To be able to calmly not tell them they're wrong, not try and fight them on. But just ask questions about what's going on means that they need to then come up with the answers. And sometimes you might use experienced people talking in riddles and round in circles to confuse you. And I'm a firm believer that they're not doing it deliberately. They're not they're not being vindictive, because they enjoy it. It's just all they've learned to pattern, they've learned how to model to them and, and just repeating that pattern in the fear because it gives them a good feeling, right. And like any of our patterns, we've given it this label, we've called it this. Ultimately, though, it's about your change in response. We've all been valued for certain behaviors, or we had needs met through certain behaviors, so we repeat them. For me, emotional reactions got me attention. So that was a pattern that I had for a long time, react emotionally, it's going to give me attention. When you're a young person, any attention is good attention. So you'll just continue to repeat the pattern. And that was it for me. Now, for narcissist. It's like I've got to have been given attention or they've had their needs met through being the most intelligent or being the most powerful in a certain situation was dominant, the repeating it's not your job to fight, that. It's your job to be able to change your response. So if you're someone that that knows that you've dealt with these sort of people in your life, and you're still struggling to cope with the aftermath of that, while still trying to struggle to cope in the moment, then grab that link. It'll be in the show notes. And join us on the on this awesome pop up event, and learn all that you can. I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat, email me at info at E and Hawkins coaching.com. You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform