Ep 487 - Finding Your Voice

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this word, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

Just meditating just before. And this random memory came into my head. Very early in my Sunday school days, I reckon, was definitely before I'd started school. So maybe three or four years old. And I remember being asked a specific question, and not me to the group. And I had this answer, which I thought was brilliant. And so put up my hand and said my answer really confidently thinking this is going to be amazing. And it wasn't the right answer. And there's like the reaction from the teachers was like a bit of a giggle because it was a funny, it would have been like my in my thinking it was made perfect sense. But two or three or four year old to the actual question. Maybe it was meant for somebody else to kids. But yeah, it wasn't quite right. But the reaction was like a bit of a giggle, you know, maybe cute answer or whatever else right or laughing at the logic that I used to find that answer. But that really stuck with me. And you think about if you're in an adult world now trying to find your voice and put yourself out there. You just had moments like that as well. But not just one. Well, that's one that came to my mind just now but I know heaps of them. And then every time you go to then speak in front of an audience again or to have certain conversations, then that memories playing out while the episode did the other week around the seeing limp as a limp in that scenario, because of an old, painful emotional injury. emotional injury for me was the laughter I got when I gave this answer. So I can remember at school is very, very rarely, particularly in high school, but I put my hand out to contribute because of this fear of what what if I got it wrong? And what would the reaction be? And I'm sure over the course of my junior schooling and then into high school that there would have been other moments were not just reaction from teachers, but from peers, and either from appearing too dumb or too smart, or whatever it was, right? Like kids are pretty ruthless when it comes to that sort of stuff. So then you get to adult scenarios. And you're wondering why there's certain times where you're not completely comfortable? Or the public speaking for example, or, or just certain conversations maybe confrontations, maybe people you don't know so well. It all comes from these moments from the past where you do the best we could in the situation. So then we judge ourselves as an adult, why can I do this? Why can I do that. But this is so many of these old limps that are stopping us old emotional injuries, times where our voice was suppressed, or we got negative reactions, or they weren't even negative reactions, but we perceive them as negative reactions. Whatever you need to be better at in terms of finding your voice, then know that you can and know that as you continue to address these different elements from your past, then you get to get better at it. Now, there is obviously that jumping out of a parachute type approach where you just go well I'm just gonna rip the band aid I'm gonna get myself in more of these situations and their works. But sometimes that can slow you down and set you back because it's like you're taking yourself not just nudging past that comfort zone but you're taking yourself to panic zone and that's not always the best way to go. Some award that way and they love it and they get great results. But most people I know that's that's actually detrimental to their improvement. But incremental steps do About the next bit, well, where can I expose myself to a scenario like this where I will have the ability to handle it better.

And then, as I talk about all the time, it's like, well, what from your past you need to make peace with, so that you can actually address this without that old memory playing out, whether it's a fear, whether it's a concern about the reaction from people. Whatever it is, you can clear that impact, the memory doesn't need to go. Like that memory is still there for me around what happened at Sunday school all those years ago. But I now have the ability to share my voice to share my messages, doesn't mean there are still times where I get nervous. And there are still times where I have doubts, that's just going to happen, particularly as you progress into new areas. But there's so much better at just going well, I'm going to do it anyway. Because I've made peace with so many of those moments, have healed that grief around my voice. And I love helping others to do the same. Because whether you need your voice, to improve your closest relationships, all the way up to if you need to be able to speak in front of 1000s and 1000s of people, whatever it is for you. So they comparison. But instead it's like well, how much better would my life be if I can be better in those scenarios? What else would be possible for me to be able to speak up for yourself to be able to share your message to share your truth to share your story which is going to allow you to feel better, and it's going to inspire other people as well.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform