Ep 499 - Brining Your Vision Into Reality with Gavin Hyde

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back. You've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request. If any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it. Today's guest Gavin Hyde has worked in the personal development industry for over 25 years. And so it was fantastic to interview him today pick his brain and to be able to share some of the wisdom that he's gained over that 25 years. One of the key words that kept repeating through the chat was courage and Gavin's a living, breathing example of having the courage to tackle the challenges that he's faced over his lifetime. And to be able to, as he described manifest His greatest fear having his first partner leave him, then having to face the will the challenges that came to the surface when he ended up having to raise his two sons from the age of three and five, to be men. And the courage to step away from different environments that he knew weren't serving him well. And he did all this on his own with courage, and to now be someone who's helping other people to overcome their challenges to help other people share their stories, have the courage to tell the difficult times in their life and have the courage to be able to share those messages, not just in in the spoken form, but now in written form by helping them share through his most recent book resilience as well. I hope you enjoyed this one as much as I did. Gavin Hyde. Hey, everyone, welcome this week's guest Gavin Hyde, how a Yellin

Speaker 2 2:38

And well Thanks, Ian, thanks for having me on board. And I'm really excited about our chat today.

Ian Hawkins 2:43

Me too. Great to have you on board. You just we'll get to this straight up, you've just co authored a book with a whole lot of budding authors and help them become best sellers, which must have been an amazing experience. can tell us a little bit about that journey. We'll talk more about it at the end and where people can get a look at that book. But tell us a little bit about that journey. Devon?

Speaker 2 3:05

Yes, in goose bumping up, as you're asking me that question. It was a fantastic healing opportunity. It was the level of growth that I personally attained from supporting a group of people to really dig deep to my taste, people were so brave and courageous to share stories, like I cried, reading their stories. You know, we've all got a story and we all think our stories that biggest in the was kind of story, you know, like our poor me the stuff happened, but I'm like, these people will put their heart on the line. And um, so, you know, another grateful word gets thrown out a lot. But like, I'm, I'm so grateful that they trusted me to come on board and they saw the vision because what I see now for them is which really excites me is that the level of growth, the inner light that's shining, when I talk to them, and I just see them smile, and I ask them, how's it going? A friend bought a book, and they said this, they, it's like they're shocked. They're probably been hiding under the dune. I mean, for a long time like this. And then all of a sudden, it's like the reply and the responses from people have been so positive and supportive that, you know, my heart just bounces out of my chest. So it was a fantastic journey. Something for me that's very inspiring. It's really created a turning point for me and something that I really want to support people To do more of you know, you know, really find that voice and, you know, writing it is one thing, but then talking about it is another thing. And when you're talking about in the world we live in, in social media and so forth. Everyone has the best life, don't they? You know, everything. Yeah, look at my food, I'm at the beach, I have the time freedom, you know, a work station, and I'm at the beach, and I can do all these things. So, you know, move all of those to the side, if you really want to see real experience real stories. See, adversity and hardship is raw. It is raw, it's not edited. Well, it's edited to the next turn, right? And it's been formatted or all of that stuff, that the, you know, the work that the publishing house does, but from a story perspective, there was a guy but it's unedited raw vulnerability raw, or you can say messy stuff, raw stuff. That's, that's not said that that's hidden away, you know?

Ian Hawkins 6:06

Yeah, and I'm sure you've experienced this, given you worked in the industry for a long time. It's often those posts when we share our vulnerabilities that get the best traction, or the one of those this week, and, and it's exactly people like, Ah, you're going through shit tomorrow. And it's like, yeah, we, we all are, we all are. And people will listen to this podcast to people who love to help people and they've got the heart. So they would definitely resonate with that feeling that you get, when when you're helping people with the goose bumps and how just how good it feels. To take that to another level and help them share their story. That's one of that's one of the reasons I love this platform is to help other people share their story, because you get such a buzz out of hearing people share in a way that they haven't shared before. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2 6:55

And also, I'm just kind of thinking behind the scenes a little bit, I've kind of shared what's happened now that they're on stage, you know, like the books been launched, went to, you know, a best seller status, we're all kind of mind blown, that just what's happened, you know, I've read stories of someone in America has bought the book. So that vision, that rippling of vision to vision to create a healing, you know, transformation across the planet has really happened. But it was the journey of taking the authors through like the self doubt. You know, people talk about the imposter syndrome, it's like, I remember when they submitted their chapters, and they're like, that's done. And then the realization of oh my god, someone's gonna read this.

Ian Hawkins 7:37

It's, yeah,

Speaker 2 7:40

it was the transition of all of the stages, you know, you can say, a hero's journey, or a transformational journey, just when you're, you know, doing, you know, this, this really heart centered work, where you see someone struggle, and then they break through, and then they go back a little bit, and then they, they go forward a little bit, and there's this, these back and forwards. And so that's so memorable. In my mind, the end result is great, yes. But it's, it's that the memories that for me, I'll always have in the connection, the trust the relationships with these people that are really significant, because it's, it's honest, it's an it's an it's not all, hey, I experienced this thing. And now, I have a seven, seven figure business and I earn $500,000 a week, you know, but you know, what, um, you know, what I'm saying, right? It's like, some people are still working with well, this stuff, because it's, it's, and I think it's like, it really gets to a point where it chunks down into an identity, like a really raw, authentic identity. And so that's probably a struggle that most people have, I believe, is to align to that truth. And be that, because that, that brings up a whole lot of things, you know, about how you communicate, and why you communicate, and why you don't do things and, you know, rejection and saying things that you don't really mean, because you don't really want to upset someone, but you don't really follow your truth and you say something else, and there's this all this internal conflict going on there just to kind of protect to protect yourself to protect your own wound. And this, this is, this is for me the journey, you know, it's like, everyone does it.

Ian Hawkins 9:40

Yeah, I believe. Yeah. 100% And even those people that are doing those posts that you talk about the you know, the seven figures and they're just doing the same thing that is doing, they're pursuing what they think's right and they're protecting their own wounds and, and it's, yeah, they, we all have lessons to learn and, like I I imagine for you, helping these authors, these people through that journey of learning and being and having that courage to tell their story must have been great. So what? What was the big learning through that process? Because I know you've helped people a lot, but this is a different vehicle, right?

Speaker 2 10:20

Wow, that's a really great question, what was the big learning? RK, I think and one of the biggest, and then they'll probably come another one was that it's really important for me to be authentic, but to speak my truth, and kind of go after what I want. In a way, that's true for me. And so, you know, I had my internal triggers come up the whole way through this book, in holding this space. And so what I've realized is it I feel it kind of shattered an old identity, that it so it actually ran deep for me. So the learning was to, regardless of the outside noise, go after what you want, you know, don't have any shame. that come up in writing my own chapter, but don't have any shame in going after what you want. I was actually at the gym the other day, and I was talking to a lady up, it's a new gym, and kind of, I think I have I'm trustworthy, or I'm friendly, or ask me a question. In there anyway, we're, we were talking. And I said, I just, you know, published a book with, you know, there's 18 people, including myself and an a book partner, and we did this and become a best seller. And she said to me, and who were you to do this? And I was wet. But you know what, I was totally okay with it. Yeah. Because in the past, I've been in this personal development industry for 25 years, and I've done this I've done this even, you know, look at my surname, Hi, I've just kind of had my head down in the sand doing stuff, and I have not to did my own. And here, I found myself, I didn't really feel I was tooting my horn, but it was more. I was proud. So I think that's the thing that's come out is to speak in a way that's true and authentic. But still to go after what you want, and it's okay to, it's okay. It's actually okay, you know, I can give myself permission to shine. That's huge.

It's huge. And I love what you said there about going after what it is you want. A brand new client yesterday did a story. And she's like three minutes 37 into the first training, I've just had this moment, like, no one's ever told me I can have anything I want like that, I can actually do that. And I deserve it. And it's like, in that funny light. That's just like, I can't even remember putting that in there. I don't remember the significance of it. But different things appeal to different people. And yeah, we can, we can have all the things. But it comes back to what you said. And I love the learning there is you described what you were helping them to do. And then your biggest learning was the same right? To speak your truth, to share your voice to get your story out there. And, and to me, that's one of the greatest gifts when we're helping people is it's not just the people that we help that are getting the transformation we do at the same time as we go through it, right.

Speaker 2 13:52

Absolutely, absolutely. And this this vehicle, in, you know, writing a story, it has greater, I believe, greater potential in this day and age. For me, it's a new spin on personal development. Because, you know, like, I've taught many programs and many courses and, you know, people have become practitioners in X Y, Zed modalities, and, but a lot of them probably don't go on to do things, maybe a small fraction, do this, this and this day and age with technology and social media. The message in this book has gone across the globe. Like, you know, Can it get any bigger than transforming the planet? Right? That's a massive chunk up, isn't it? You know, huge Yeah. level of existence.

Now, you mentioned you writing your story. So let's actually get to that now. The big moment for you you said that was that was easy, the one that stands over everything else. Yeah, please, for the listeners get

Speaker 2 15:02

looked at. There's many moments in my life. And I've like, I've realized now that there's now that I've written that one, there's actually a story before this one. Yeah. Pre, in the movies, they do a movie and then they recall prequel, there's actually a pretty cool that I'm like, wow. Anyway, not to get into the prequel, but it was around 20, about 28 years ago that I manifested My greatest fear. And at that point in my life, my greatest concern was that my partner that I was with that I had two children with would lead me, and I wouldn't be left. heartbroken. I felt unlovable. But the biggest concern was, I'd have to be raising the kids by myself. And so that was scary, man. Yeah. And so in us not being able to work it out, you know, to young people trying to work out their lives, probably way off track. You know, not really having a purpose or a meaning, but just trying to find ourselves really. That happened, we split up. And then, you know, a couple of years later, my ex arrived on the doorstep and made a decision, took some action and said, Here's the boys, I think they're best off staying with you. So that was like 9097, or something like that. Wow. At that point in my life, I was, and I'll talk about it, but that's my chapter in the book. But at that time in my life, I was really struggling to take care of myself. And here I have my son's three and five, wow, on the doorstep. And I had to sort myself out.

It's a huge game, it was

Speaker 2 17:00

it was huge. And that's when I was writing my chapter there was like, shame popped out. Like, I didn't realize I didn't even realize it was there.

Hmm. Interesting. Can we come back to the part about looking after your boys? Because I'm curious about the you said your greatest fear was that your that your partner would leave you? Have you been able to process why that fear existed? Was it a product of something from your upbringing?

Speaker 2 17:32

None of us are really good questions. Am I kind of a cat before it's a kind of thing that then was a, it was an opportunity for me to grow and learn. And so, you know, why did it happen is absolutely my internal my internal staff. But my parents were together. So that wasn't the case. But you know, maybe it was just part of having that experience. And as I can see, so many, like in the prequels, so many things that kind of led up to it. So I think it was just for me the journey in finding myself in my life. Not that there was anything that was wrong. I just think that was the these were the coordinates for me to navigate. Because I'm, I'm I love, meaning I love purpose. And I think what it did was it gave me pain, the experience of pain and the opportunity to get into my body and to, to feel it and to heal it.

Yeah, wow. Like you said, you grew up your parents were together, like we can have these amazing, great experiences, but we can still have these illogical fears that sit in our system. And it can be anything from what I think to when I dropped my youngest to childcare at about one and him just gripping hold of me and like there would have been some separation anxiety that would have come part and parcel with that for years to come from that moment, right? Or even that that first few weeks of so we all have these little moments which are insignificant in the big scheme of things, but but they leave a sort of lasting effect. So we don't always need to know why. But I love how you've said well, but this is what I learned from it because that's really important is being able to switch over. But not everyone's ready at that point to learn the lesson. So can I ask you Do you remember like even though you use your greatest fear and there was probably part of you that was almost half expecting it. Do you remember what a shock to the system that was when your partner actually sort of

Speaker 2 19:41

when I went when I the the fee wasn't when she arrived and said you know he's the boys. I think it's best for the boys it was more the realization that that that moment when I knew art over and so I don't want to talk too much about if anyone really is interested to share that door to read, please do. Yes, it's all it's all in there. But it was like, it was. On some level, it was like a relief. It was like, I knew the writing was on the wall. And it was like, the internal conflict, really, that was there was, I wanted to make a demo of it. And she never really wanted to make a go of it. We just had, we were young, we could say we were down, or we were young, and we just were knocked down. But

we naive perhaps,

Speaker 2 20:41

yeah, naive. I was thinking immature, but I think we were naive. And, you know, my, my, you know, my communication skills. were what they were, you know, and and so we just butted heads for a long time. And even when I think about how we kind of got into that relationship, it kind of stumbled before it started. But then I continued on. Yeah, right. Like you kind of start and then stumbled a bit. And then you're like, oh, you know, and you and you move on again. So. So when I really think back, it probably was built on rocky ground to start with, but you don't know any better? Yeah. Yeah. And you try, and you try and do your best. But you think, I suppose the vision for me was I had a vision that you know, you, you get married, you have kids, you get a house you live happily ever after. And I think that's, that's probably the belief system that was formed, or the vision, I call it like a vision, belief system, whatever, you know, same type of thing. But I think that she never really wanted, we didn't get we didn't get married, she never wanted to get married. To our surprise and shock, we had a child and then not much longer, we had two children. And we never had the house either. And the dream turned into a nightmare. And so but I think in life, there's things that occur. And like you said, there's opportunity to, we're meaning making machines. So we're going to make things mean things as a way of justifying how we feel and how we think. And so what I've what I've now learned since then, which was the turning point that sent me into, I needed to find answers, because I didn't I didn't know what was going on for me. And now I had to raise two young boys. And so that that was the that was the opportunity that I that I talk back then, you know, 26 years ago or something like that, where I gave up a job I moved out of my, the area that I thought I grew up in, I actually enrolled in a Diploma of Sports Therapy because I love sport. Looks like a paramount a flag up the back isn't good. We'll talk about that at another time may. Anyway, I love I love I love to fully myself too. And so what I actually did was without knowing is I made a decision, I invested in myself to do something that I love doing. So that was like probably the first time that I did it for me because I love sport growing up. But I gave that up to get a job. Actually, I gave that up to get a job. I gave that up to escape school because my brain, my mental processing didn't fit in the schooling system. Interesting. It didn't fit with me. So the first opportunity I got to get out of school, I got a job I took I took it and ran and so. So yeah, I'm kind of backwards and backwards and forwards in a little bit. But that's good.

And, and you're bringing up so many great points. I don't know where to start. So I've got a few that I just want to tap into there you you mentioned something which is a big one in grief that I'm getting goosebumps on this one. People feel relief, big moments of grief, someone passing someone leaving them, all these different things. But they don't always identify with it, or they do and they feels like that's wrong. And but it's just part of the process. There's this pot of any situation, which can be quite overbearing and overpowering and relentless. And then when it goes away, and the magnitude of that yeah, there is a sense of relief. And it's really great that you've brought that up and honor that because it's it's important for people to realize that in those moments, it's okay to have all the feelings sometimes you'll laugh sometimes you'll cry, sometimes you'll have things like relief, you'll be angry. So that relief part. How was it you are able to honor that? When most people can spend a lifetime not like running away from that feeling that it actually there was a part of it there was actually good

Speaker 2 24:59

another good question. Should my best? Well, I think I can answer that is, I just knew, like, as much as I, as much I was trying to work out and make this thing work, the vision that I had, and this is what you do the struggle, the, you know, the inner turmoil without pointing any fingers my inner struggle like it, it shouldn't be that hard, shouldn't it? You know, so knowing it was over, was a relief, because I didn't have to deal with that anymore. And so that was that was like a breath of fresh air that was that. And then, and then comes the weight, and the mountain of, you know, putting the pieces back in your life in a way that you thought you'd seen it was going to be one way, and now it's another way and like, it's like a jigsaw puzzle, like, and all the pieces weren't even there. And so if you didn't even have the pieces there, and you're trying to put it back together, that creates a lot of uncertainty and an uncertain mind will get frustrated, will get angry, will then you know, that'll lead into some type of, you know, a morass of emotion. And so trying to work that all out. That was a, that was a process, but that the you know, the next jigsaw puzzle kind of came when the when I then was the identity of a separate partner or a part time dad, that's probably a better way, a part time dad, which wasn't the identity that I or vision that I had, and then being a full time dad, with all the responsibility. And so, you know, inside of that, that was that was a huge mountain of pressure. And so how I dealt with it was honest, had to do it. Like the if I kind of say, you know, it's like a mission or project or was like, this thing, the opportunity that presented itself, like because we all make decisions in like a very quick space of time, we don't need time to make a decision. Because it only takes what is it like 1/3 of a second, I don't even know where it is. So really short amount of time, but I just remember making, you know, inside of my mind saying to myself, Okay, I've got the boys and I'll go on back. And I had to sort it out. Yep, there was, like, the reason why wasn't it? It was like, there wasn't a choice, there was a choice because I chose to do it. But it was like, the only choice was I have to do this. And that raising my boys from three and five bought all of my stuff up. stuff about you know, I remember about learning and reading and writing and helping, you know, all because I love sport. But on the on the other side of things. That wasn't my greatest skill. I remember a funny memory coming into my mind was the Easter hat parade. And, and it was a dress up thing. And I might maybe I forgot the note or I forgot that was on so at the last moment, what I did was my son's school uniform was like maroon and blue. And so what, so what I did was I got some white mask, white masking tape, and I'll type white lines around him like he's jumper and he's been any winners, Where's Wally that was, that was my creative. Here's my creativity, you know, all these other people are dressed up with the hats and you know, all the costumes, you know what masking tape, you know, three lines around his school jumper and a beanie red BD and you know, a couple of lines around that. So it was made it was really confronting because it really brought up it brought up you know, my issues around my mental process around thinking around learning, not being smart enough not being good enough judgment, you know, all the self worth all of that type of stuff.

Oh man, that's massive. So when I asked you before about, you know, your greatest fear that usually it's around feeling enough and and loved and and when you grew up in school, small our small mind equates because we watch everyone else getting good marks that Oh, you have to be smart. You have to get good test marks to be to be good enough. That's this program so hardwired. And then what you described there is then like that same Well, I don't know was it a desire to help your children don't have to go through what you'd been through infinite learning perspective. Do you think?

Speaker 2 29:56

I don't know I think just think I was freaking out there. Not a lot. There's, when I think back now you're asking me that question. I'm like, there wasn't a desire to help them that the desire to help them was to create a loving, family environment where they feel part of something, had nothing to do with schooling,

the ride, but it was more just all of that stuff coming flooding back to the surface for you, and you having to deal with that survival mode.

Speaker 2 30:23

Absolutely. And so what occurred was when I enrolled in this diploma sports therapies, around this time, I was raising my sons, then I, you know, sort of Kinesiologist and he was like, asking me these questions and pushing on my arm and ner and saying, you know, what happened here? And what happened there? And I'm like, Well, you seem to have all the answers, mate, why don't you tell me? clearly remember saying that, and then something happened, you know, and he pushed a mom, a mom went down, he goes, what happened when you were four? And I'm like, I don't know. And then a memory come in. And then I said something, he goes, now it's not that it's not this, it's not this and, you know, had to do with like a family event. And so they I was hooked on this kinesiology thing. So I went down the rabbit hole became a Kinesiology just became a Kinesiology trainer, became a Kinesiology mentor, mentor, took myself through, like, all of this learning of Kinesiology became a trainer at one of the big natural medicine colleges in Sydney back in the day. And so I kind of did my apprenticeship. But I was just fascinated by the mind and how what you think about you bring about but how the brain works. And so I went down this rabbit hole of the educational Kinesiology. And so I was, went down that path, and I was learning about me, and I was able to help my kids, because, you know, I remember seeing my son's writing go across, like he's writing on the page, and he's writing and go up the up above the line. And I just learn a technique. And it said, it's really good for these things. And so, you know, here I was, like, getting him to rub some points and move his eyes and get him to write again, and his writing went on the page. I'm like, my god,

how's that work? Yeah, good.

Speaker 2 32:16

It was, it was amazing. That was a long time ago. And so that helped me to sort me out. helped me to find me find the answers help my boys so but yeah, that helped a lot. And that's why I'm passionate about what I do, because I did it for me. It didn't really go well. I'm gonna do it for others are like, I love this. And I found something and it helped me.

Yeah, I love that. And the end the the flow on is that it does allow you to help more people. It's interesting way so make Kinesiology. I'm a massive advocate. And I regularly share on a podcast about it. That for me, I remember getting my first time I was like, Oh, this is amazing. I'd gone to my usual Chinese acupuncturist wasn't available ended up in like a more of a modern day one Anglo person who'd learned like they were they were really good. But we just started talking about energy. She had an energy mobile, and she has Oh, you gotta go see my Kinesiologist. So then I go there. And I was like you I'm like, mind blown. I remember saying to him, how do I get my kids to come do this? Because they'd be great. Yes, I'll just get them. We'll just come as a family all four of you. They can watch you go through it. And I remember them both looking at me, what is this? What is this? And but and yet, they've both been back again and again and again, and developing their own abilities. Much like we all go through, to be able to help other people through it. You're laughing so there's something to that was

Speaker 2 33:46

just you're just like, I just memories coming up, you know, like, so my youngest son, who will be 31 in like, less than a month. So he put him into little athletics. I went to school athletics carnival when he's about probably seven second class or first class and he won the sprint. I'm like, Wow, that's pretty good, pretty proud moment. And, and then the next year, he went, he was still he must have been insane class, but he went into primary school one, and he won that one. And so that means it's like going off to the district or design or whatever it was, anyway, cutting a long story short, I put him into a little athletics that he had talent. And so over the years of going to athletics, he like he excelled. Like, like, literally so proud of being able to, you know, see my son just be a bloody champion. And, you know, I'm saying that in a modest way without sharing all of his medals and wins and achievements and stuff. A parent really proud for sure was it was more that because he did well people would watch what he did. And so that's I know, you know, that's modeling right RPG him, you know, three basic techniques to switch his brain on before he ran. And so here he was at the start line around these points like this, these ones and doing these ones and three points, integrate the brain. And so I was at, I was at like some event it was at Bankstown, or something like a school, or maybe it was that weekend. But all of a sudden, I looked around, and there must have been about 15 Kids, my son was out there to underneath my hug he's doing there's about 15 kids doing the same thing. I know. And I'm like, wow, like, so, you know that I suppose that's that flow on effect as well. So you know, and so then I was able to practice a lot of my boys, they both like sport, and so that just enhance their ability that they had, you know, to my son, my son did the athletics, he will always perform even better in the semifinals and the finals, where a lot of people would get to that point and their performance would go back. It's just, we just did the thing. You know, he's actually it was over on Saturday, as I remember that time when you massage my hamstrings, and I was asleep and you were deeply and there was like a sodalite. And because I was like, Well, how can I help him to be the best he can be? You know, and so I would just do all of these things. So yeah, yeah. Memories money.

Yeah. And that point you bring that up, then is like, is one of the most critical things. Like if you're a parent, not thinking I need to get all this stuff done for my children, but starting with you, because the best lesson comes if you can pass it on yourself. And I think like my proud parent moment, so the the paper plane throwing, right, and my young fellas loved it. And he and he wanted to go to the state in inverted commas, right? Because it was like all these people from around the area that that paper plane film was was big at the time. And he went and he went, Okay, but then it happened the next year. He's like, Oh, you know, I went really, really well at school, I've got to go again. But now he was actually pretty good at it. And I taught him my breathing techniques, and all these kids who in the warm up with throwing them way further. Were just choking in the in the actual event when their throw was on, because you had to get it in the market and whatever. And I just watched him. He first one, he did the same thing, bad throw. The second one you just taught, I didn't tell him to tell him I couldn't actually get to him. He just took three deep breaths, he relaxed, and he threw it bigger than he'd ever thrown before because of the techniques, right? And it's like, wow, well, I care about the fact that he rent went really well, in the paper planes, it was more the fact that he learned a life skill that He now uses. In every circumstance. To me, that's the greatest gift of going on a on a personal growth journey. The word you used modeling, they take so much more from us from an observation. So can you can you share a little bit about what you have learned about modeling? And maybe a tip you could give the listeners around how to to be able to pass it on a really subtle way, I guess.

Speaker 2 38:12

Okay. Well, I suppose modeling, from the perspective I was talking about came out of, you know, some different processes and techniques where you know, it, I suppose it's already, if someone's doing really well, it's like, just copy what they do. But that's not really so, you know, if you're, you know, a great paper, a claim thrower, just just copy what they do. But that's not really what I believe is the essence of modeling. It's the mindset behind it. That's actually what happens inside so and that's, that's a process so because everyone models everyone, you know, like, you know, there's a there's a good ad, let's do that ad, there's a tick tock dance, let's let's do that tick tock dance or, you know, it's like a craze, let's just that's copying but it's, it's more than mindset. So I think a tip for someone would be to, you know, just probably see or use the breathing one as well because I think you know, without the breath, you die. So you know, from a reflexive sponsoring response inside of the brain is maybe just look at the person, take a breath, get present, and then be present with what your thoughts are about the process. So it would then be like alright, that's a little bit what what's the intention here? And so at some My intention is to be the best paper air plane thrower. Great, and what's the feeling I'm gonna get? I'm just gonna be elated. So that's an intention, but Action is the thing that kind of makes it happen. And so the next kind of step would be well, what what are the action steps? Or what are the things that I can demonstrate? That would actually show that I could achieve that. So it could be, you know, taking a breath, it could be bringing my arm back and just keeping my eye on on a, on a target in the, in the distance or in the distance, as I'm throwing it as an example. And practicing that as a strategy. But with the, the outcome, you know, because of doing that, because of setting the intent and having some steps, right, having some structure, what's the overall outcome? Who do I want to become because of it? And I think something like that, I think works really well. From the perspective of modeling, love that,

particularly that last part, the outcome, instead of the outcome of I want to win, the outcome is, who do I Who will I become as a result of this? And, you know, I'm sure you've done a bit of work with this, if you've done a bit of stuff in the sports background is the sports science, talk about stick to process, come back to process, not outcome. So that's, to me, that's what you've described there, right? You, you model you watch, create your own little process that works for you. And then have that outcome around who you become. That's fantastic, great.

Speaker 2 41:27

If you're if you're who you're becoming because of that, then you're giving your mind the focus to create that.

Yeah, that's good.

Speaker 2 41:37

Income, you know, and also, because it's a little bit like I've, you know, I ask people all the time, so you know, what, what do you want to get from this? Where do you want to be, I just want to be happy. I'm like, awesome, what? Happy? He's great. But like, you know, demonstrate to me what happiness is, I just want to get up. Another one is I just want to fill in a piece. Great. Yeah, yeah. But what is that? What's the theme, or the action that you need to do to actually accomplish that something needs to happen, because you can turn on and turn off emotions in a very short amount of time, you know, you've probably done these things yourself, you know, imagine a time in the past where you felt this, you know, imagined a time in the future, when you want to be like this, it doesn't take much to tap into the, you know, the emotional center. But to create the structure, like in the brain, or to create the precision process that would be knowing what the steps are. And for you to become the whatever it is the champion, paper airplane fella, your process probably may be different to mine. Yeah. 100%. And so if someone says, These are the steps, do this, this and this, and then you do that, and you listen to someone else, and it doesn't work, then you doubt yourself, or you blame them. And so I think, you know, we all have the answers we all have, you know, it's just a matter of accessing and backing yourself. It's like, it's like, it's just a whole lot of chaos. But out of the chaos comes clarity. And without having clarity. If you don't have clarity, then a confused mind will doubt will not make decisions will procrastinate will do all the behaviors and the other things because it's just not clarity, you have clarity. You just do the thing. That's the thing. These are the things this is the steps.

Spot on. And, and you touched on something really important, everyone's structure and steps are different. And so the structure is good, but then you've got to be able to create your own unique way. That's a really important message for people to hear. Can Can I take you back to those early years? You said like just how difficult it was for you dealing with that time where you had the boys? Do you remember some of the like, really tough times and how you were able to actually get through that time?

Speaker 2 44:12

Maybe it was a tough times, like financially, like I had, I had a kind of say two jobs, right? I had a government job. And I had herbal business as well. And so I went from this herbal business that was like a cash business, the herbal business back in those days. And, and the government job, so I had kind of two incomes, and then went from two incomes to no income. We're actually moving out of the area, starting my life pretty much from scratch on a single parents pension. So the toughest thing was then wanting to give my kids everything. And so the cost of living All relevant, right cost of living back then when you don't have money. And I didn't, like I didn't want to live in certain places. And I'm like, I've got to make this happen. So that's really, and that was a hardship for a long time. And so I'm not really sure how I got through it. I just had to.

Did you? Did you have people? Yeah, when you're a parent, sometimes you just have to write, but were you did you have a network around you, your parents,

Speaker 2 45:33

I kind of left that network, I let it work that I had around me probably wasn't, was supportive in some old habits and patterns that I needed to leave behind. So I had to kind of cut everything. I still had my parents there. And like, they were supportive, but I wouldn't ask them for any money. And I didn't know if it was because I was probably failing badly on that side of things. And there's probably a whole heap of shame around it. And actually, you know, when I think about it the most, they would have helped me, no doubt. But I didn't have the courage to ask.

Isn't it funny, when when we're parents were like, we would do anything. But when we're on the other side with that reluctance to ask for help. Even when we get older, it's crazy.

Speaker 2 46:28

It's a little bit easier now. But like, I just remember, I wouldn't want to I was fearful of my father's response. Hmm, interesting. I would say, hey, he was my greatest teacher, like, seriously. Because if I wanted to know about not what to do ask him. So I'd say, Hey, I got a situation. I'm in right asking him, Hey, I got this situation, what do you suggest? And he'd say, Well, I wouldn't do that. And I wouldn't do that. And I wouldn't do that. And I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. I'm like, okay. All right. So what would you do? And he goes, I don't know, I just wouldn't do all those things.

Well, least exerted down.

Speaker 2 47:12

Yeah. So don't do those things. So that my options were. And that's the look, that was I suppose part of my conditioning in my upbringing, was that I experienced about not doing things. Not not succeeding. And this is no disrespect. Like, I suppose it was around the same time that all this happened with my kids that I had big breakthroughs with my father. Because I actually went and did not remember go into the first personal development course that I ever did. The lady at the gym said, hey, you know, I've just done this weekend course. And I now get on with my ex husband. And I'm like, Well, I don't need to get on with my ex husband. But I really need to think that you just said, Yeah, and so went along. And I remember my mom saying to me, Gavin, don't sign anything. I'd still joke with my mom now about that don't sign anything. And so the lady said something that day, you know, she was at the front of the course. And I'm like, I signed up. And that changed everything. But before that, I like I was so I don't know, I just I wanted to fight my father. Like, I don't know, like, I know, he had his experience in his life, probably locked out of love and had, you know, you know, things with his dad. And actually, it was kind of similar patterns, thinking about it now that I didn't find out till later, like that, you know, he went live with his dad and his dad raised him and, and so

but I didn't find out this stuff until I don't know, like, I was in my mid 30s. So you know, it could have been that could have been a pattern. You know, that?

Speaker 2 48:53

Yeah, family patent that was harbor said that that was there. And so I so like, I remember wanting to fight him and all of that. And so I just had to, I heal that relationship with my father because I realized that he was just being him. And I was wanting something from him. And he wasn't able to give that to me, yet, essentially, was rough. You know, like, he couldn't say it, like, and so So hence, when I was raising the boys, I couldn't ask him for for money, or he did help out. But the most joy I suppose that came to my heart was because my youngest son becomes so talented in athletics. My dad would come all the time to watch him and because my son would just win, you win this and like he ended up coming 12 in the world and as a 16 year old world leader watching run in international the World Championships and still holds Australian records for hurdles and all the local records for hurdles. And so it was like, I was getting my love or a acceptance or whatever, through living, living living has this for living through your kids, right living through my means. And, you know, my younger son doing so well, and my, my father coming and seeing that that was the acknowledgment or whatever recognition so, and my other son, kind of, he was still great at sport. And, you know, he was great at baseball and his hand I skills and golf and things like that. And he still did really well there, but my other son just excelled. And so there was a whole lot of bonding that happened between my dad and myself and, and through my son and winning and success. So that sets up a whole lot of other things. Right. So yeah, there was heaps of hardship, you know, just not having the courage to ask for help. Yet, and kind of wanting that love, but not feeling it so that, you know, when that relationship broke down, I think about it now it's like, well, I was heartbroken that I'll never be loved again. But that was already that was already online, you know what I mean? And for me to discover, and for me to embrace, and, you know, I got the I've got all of my life to get that it's not like I haven't got it. It's like, I've got my whole life to have the experience of this. So I still believe I'll continue to have experiences in my life, that present perspectives or aspects of all, all of this. And that's the growth and that's why I'm in love with me, I'm in love with what I do. I'm in love with, you know, seeing people light up. And that's why, like, I really just dedicated my life to doing this, this healing work.

Love it. Really important people, for people to hear that you did find love. And I'd love for you to describe how you are able to go into that relationship in a different way. Without that fear of the her leaving.

My dog got to use me eyes

Speaker 2 52:12

once again, I had a vision. I had a vision in my mind that someone would love me for who I am. And I could it was in black and white. It was still now with steel. But it was myself and it was my two sons. And I just had a vision that someone would see me for who I am and would love me and accept me. And this is a true story. And I've told so many people this in front of my eyes one night, this vision of beauty that I saw in my mind manifested in front of me and I was looking across at her

well,

Speaker 2 52:53

and just like you know, when you when you said to me had like that sense of relief and I said I just knew I knew she was the one that I went into that relationship shit scared I went into relationships still the same person

here well,

Speaker 2 53:12

so how did I go in there not being on not having the fear that she'd leave me. I knew that she was the one and she still is she's the most beautiful thing in my life.

Also have to make sure she watches this

Speaker 2 53:37

Yeah, she she knows. It was just that it. It was a relationship because of the first experience that I had. This was just not that. Yeah. And so there was this level of communication. I was able to be vulnerable and just share stuff. And so it's cool. Although I felt that I fell in love with her. I think that she fell in love with me and for the first time back then I actually feel accepted. Wow. Huge. And so she was the person that said to me you need to go and see this guy who was a Kinesiology just because she was studying gentlemen in front of me in the studying part, you know, back then and so she was in a I was asking her questions and she was doing a plenary in aromatherapy and the questions I was asking her that her lecture was answering she said you need to go and see this guy. So I am just blessed me to have these beautiful saw. So I just do live with Yeah, every day. And so I'm just really, I just really blessed And but inside of that, it takes work because we're really opposites. We're like really opposites of how we do things. But our, I suppose our end game is really similar. And so although we kind of get there in different ways that it's like, I've just, I have an angel with me every day. Love it was definitely you know, did you hurt yourself when you fell out of heaven this morning? One, that's true, I say things to her because it's true. And you know, at one point, you know, we will be past this plane and move on. And so I just want to embrace it. I don't know what the words are just, okay, embody that, or lovers. And so to work through that, that was going into therapy, lying on the table, doing the kinesiology and then learning all of the courses and doing the work. And then, because I'm pretty kinesthetic in that way, then teaching it because, you know, for me to get it, I have to go through all the levels. And I probably I probably on some level was looking to be smart, because I didn't think I was at school. So here, I was educating myself, I get to the end, because that was the probably the winning point, you know, are the winning line, but also, then I would practice it and teach it and then I'd be able to embody it and I'd learn it. And so, you know, I suppose I do what I do, because on some level, I could say I'm selfish. And I think I think we need to be you know, we need to do things that are important for us. And having that integrity around it, you know, like, and so that's, I do those things, because they work for me. And so that's how I was able to just think I engaged I asked her to become my wife, right. And so I asked her dad permission, and that's not here anymore. But I said their permission. And he said to me, you guys, I don't know what you're asking me for. And then he goes off, think about it.

Legend.

Speaker 2 57:24

Talk about an open loop. And then he died. He didn't say he never said yes, there's a biggest open loop ever. But I remember getting engaged. Actually, I had to get him to walk out. My son was playing like state touch football or something down there. And I was waiting for a while. And I'm like I will went to the shops and went to the jeweler and bought a ring now. Funny story after funny story. My, my wife had said, this is the rings that I that I don't want, but I don't think I heard I don't want I got exactly the same one that she didn't want. It wasn't until maybe four years ago, four or five years ago that she actually told me you know, that's the one I don't want. We've been together 20 something years.

Almighty zookeeper

Speaker 2 58:12

and I'm like, wow. But so we got engaged, but then I didn't do anything about it. And so she actually gave me the ring back. She goes when when you serious? Oh, we stood where we were together. But like she said when you serious. And so when our son got selected to represent Australia, in the World Championships in the athletics, we went to Italy. And I'm like, right, I'm doing this is going to be a great story. I'm getting engaged in Venice in a gondola I'm going to propose to her. So that's what I did. And so then just like, oh, we'll go to follow it up and go to play to get married. And so we booked a cruise with Esther and Jerry Hicks. Yeah, it wasn't 10 That's when Jerry was still alive, right? And we booked this cruise. Because you know, my wife loves that. And I kind of love that and open to all of that stuff. And so we booked the cruise. I'm like, Oh, well, Mars will make that the honeymoon. So I kind of went well, there's the end result. There's the honeymoon. Let's set a date. So that's kind of how I did all that. So funny story, but that's good. Yeah, it was it was working. It's still a work in progress to love myself.

Yeah, I love that. And I'd love what you said about the relationship with your wife as well. It's like, it's got to be a work in progress. It's a dance, right? Like, you don't have to do all the things together. But you need to keep coming back to the common threads. And yeah, and that requires work. Now that the moment you said, your your daddy or obviously from what you describe was someone who had been such a help for you, and that wisdom even described it when you said the things not to do you knew what not to do from a relationship right? So his words even coming through there in your own words, but he's passing 2019 Was that Is that unexpected? Was it challenging? Like, how did all that

Speaker 2 1:00:03

I was in relief as well? I think right? Yeah. He he. It was beautiful, actually. But it's not until you experienced that. And that, you know, that you've been through things like that. But it wasn't unexpected. He'd been unwell. And his health had been declining for some time. You know, I just see things a little bit differently. My mental process is, it's unique to me, and I'm happy with it. But like, even in one of the pictures at home, it was like that. Back to the Future movie, I don't know if you've seen those ones. But we're, we're in the picture. The crazy doctor guy or mentor guy, he's he's he's picture kind of get starts to fade out. And so in one of the pictures at home was like, Dad's picture was fading out of the picture. And oh, wow. And so. And I'm actually I've gone to see a friend who's a psychic. And it's like, I'm really curious to how they do that stuff. And it just blows my mind. Right. And so she kind of said, at a period of time, she can't say anything, but you don't tell it's declining. So I kind of felt that I had some inside information. And then I could see things and then, you know, like he wasn't well, and then that I suppose the shock was that the all of a sudden part was like he had on and now that 20 stents in his chest, for all of these blocked arteries, and they kept saying to him, he'd like a triple bypass in 1995, or something like that. And so and they kept saying, We can't do any more. And then he still have these pain and angina, and all of this stuff. And they find a way. And they find a way and they find a way. And so although his health was declining, and he couldn't walk, and like he loved doing the garden, and so he he couldn't do that. So it gave me great joy to keep going over and do the gardening. And my wife said, Look, just keep going even when you don't want to go because when they're gone, they're gone. You know. And so there's, once again, there was times when I didn't really want to go, but I'm like, you know, you just got it, you just got to do these things. And so he went into hospital for a bypass or for a three night thing back in early on maybe April, May in 2019. And he spent 10 weeks or 12 weeks or something in hospital. And that was a shock. So that it was It wasn't sudden, but it was sudden in the fact of oh my god, it's you might not come home and buy he was talking about being delusional, right? You know, when you have this positive delusion that I think Jack Nicklaus said, I'll never three part in a major, major event, right. And the reporter was interviewing, he said, Well, Jack, you know, your three potted on the last hole, the three part and he goes, I never three part in a major event. So I don't think my dad really believed he was sick. I think he was in denial of it. So he got home, which was great. And then he wasn't good again. And then he went actually back in, and it didn't come out that time, you know, so. So it was lovely that my sister and my mom, we could be there and always get a parking spot. And it just, we were there when he passed when he took his breath and and like we really like my mom and my sister and myself. We had a good bond anyway. So it was just it was just a celebration. So yeah, there was sadness, there was mixed emotions. Cause when he left, but you know, probably one of the big realizations was that I think all of my life I was had been trying to prove my worth to my dad. And then I realized one day at the gym, I'm like, well, he's not there. I got nothing to prove to. I realized I've been trying to prove this to him. And when I realized it's like, well, what am I trying to prove?

That's, again, that's a product of all the work you've done is that those self awareness pieces come to you much quicker and you're able to make start making peace with things yourself or like goosebumps all through that. It's almost like he's there constantly sort of telling you still what not to do and absolutely, and helping you work it out. Right?

Speaker 2 1:04:29

Absolutely. Like he was the most like, he was very unique. People might say he was the most negative person. Yeah, I would agree. But I just say that for me, I believe that. You know, having the experience of my father was like, it was it was hard work. It was hard knocks it was, you know, you want to talk about for me, for me, it was it was hard, but the reward was creative. Seeing a strength inside of me now, because of that, because of being scared. And, you know, that probably segues into where I'm heading for the rest of my life, but because of all of that, rather than blaming him, like, he, that was his way of loving me, and it takes a lot to get to that point of acceptance of that love in that way, but that was his way. Yeah.

That's awesome. And Cool. Well, I was gonna dive into a bit of personality stuff, but But yeah, I just did the people that see the downside. Naturally, they're often called negative. And they call this that the other but but they're actually a really important piece of the puzzle. Like, they are the ones who stop you from going and doing the crazy shit. They're the ones that that help projects to, to be able to refine. So they do work because they're able to spot the gaps that that no one else can see. So I think, like what a gift to have received from your dad, and for you to be able to identify that as a gift. Both both in different moments, but also now, afterwards. That's, that's huge.

Speaker 2 1:06:12

Well, if it wasn't that I probably hide him and have resentment and be carrying stuff that, you know, thoughts of whatever that might be in regards to my dad that happened at some period of time. That's really not serving anything apart from me staying stuck. And he's not even here. Like, that is a crazy loop. But I believe for me, for who I am understanding my mental process gives me a great gift for me, but a great gift to share with other people because I have the same ability, but I'm able to, I'm able to communicate it in a way with people that is supportive and loving, and safe. I love it.

What you described there just wasn't gonna I wasn't sure whether to mention this or not. Right. But you talked about seeing this psychic and always wondering how they do it. Now, what you've described through this chat continually, is your sense of knowing. Because when you said that, I want to how my first thought was, oh, you know how to do that. And as part of me, that's like, yeah, like you do have that, like everything that you've described is you've acted on the knowing. That's like, isn't that what psychic abilities are? Like?

Speaker 2 1:07:38

Yeah, I think I think it's a way of interpreting what you see inside of your mind. Okay, which is essentially mind reading, right?

Yeah. And psychics only know the truth at the time that they give you the reading, freewill still comes into it and things don't change. Right.

Speaker 2 1:07:55

Yeah, absolutely. And I think that they're just reading whatever with the skills that they have whatever is happening for them. Yeah, I think that I suppose for me that I'm, I'm not one to predict or say this is going to happen, or that's going to happen? Because, like you just said, I don't know. And things can change my, because I see pictures, or I hear things and I just communicate and what's happening in my mind when I'm connecting to someone, and have the courage to say the thing, you know, and then let them work it out. What does it mean for you? I had a great trainer. And I think he wouldn't answer the questions in the class, he would just bounce it and go, Yeah, good question. So it wasn't meant for you. Now, I didn't know that he was reframing at the time. But that's what he was doing. So what he was doing was helping and giving you the ability to back yourself by saying, Well, this is what it means for me so and when we're meaning making machine, so yeah, absolutely. I think I utilize a skill that that's unique. For me, the My way of communicating that is to really hold the space for someone so they feel comfortable. So they feel supported, you know, you've got to create that trust and rapport, and then they can, because it's all the unconscious moments, and if you know what you're looking for, I don't know what's happening for the person. But you know, if I suggest something and notice something, when you ask the brain, it has to answer the question. So if I asked the question based on something that I noticed, and I'm not saying that this is the truth, so as an example, I might say, alrighty, and so, you know, you know, what was that? What was that movement in your right shoulder? Now? Was there a movement that didn't do this, which was great. So thank you for doing that. But then when I asked you that question, you have to your brain has to answer it, whether you answer it verbally, or internally, right, exactly. It's this matter of getting them to to ask great questions because the brain has to answer it and getting them to go inside and explore what's there.

It's exactly how I do this podcast. I've been Get a whole lot of different tale tales from your body as well. And just any of that way. So describe that. And anyone who's having coaching experience with me would would know that as well. It just makes it for an easier way for them to be able to process their own information without it being threatening, right. That's empowerment. Yeah. 100% Oh, that's the word. Now, the other thing I pick up on his verbal cues, and you've mentioned this word three times, and you just mentioned that again, which was nice, because I was, I might ask that question in a second, then you've mentioned it again. And you talked about the word courage. Yeah. So can you tell me where was a time where your courage has been really tested? And how you dealt with that? Because everything you've described, you are a courageous man, that is without doubt, but it's obviously an important thing for you the fact that you've actually referenced it a few times.

Speaker 2 1:10:56

Oh, wow. Courage. I'm just waiting for the, what I wanted to come up.

Speaker 2 1:11:12

I times, like when I started to, when I was in between that that relationship, where I was pretty much dependent on, you know, smoking pot all the time. I had to leave that behavior behind. And although it's like, well, that makes sense. But I suppose it was all of that really having the courage to leave my job, having the courage to leave my comfort zone, having the courage to start again. That was something that was courageous. And now another one pops into my mind. So always had a fear of heights. And I was at a Golgi convention on the Gold Coast, probably back in 2005, with some colleagues and we're staying across from so in the Golgi convention, and they have all these, you know, speakers in there saying you gotta have, you gotta go for it, you know, you got to step out of your comfort zone. And it's like, just talk to strange people and try and sell them into Goji juice, right? Buy this bottle because it'll help me get some more money and then I can go up the ranks and become Grand Poobah and get all this recognition and all of this stuff. And so we're actually staying across the road from the theme parking surface. And I heard this scream and I'm like, What's that and it was bungee jumping. Here I am fear of heights scared shitless I remember with one of the my colleagues there we were doing like EFT on the balcony on an app. We weren't even that high art. We're just hanging over the balcony, like doing tapping. Even though I've got this fear of heights, they blink completely love and accept myself and all of this stuff, right? Yeah. And, and I just knew, I'm like, I got to do it. And my colleagues knew I had a fear of heights as well. So I'm like, now I'm gonna do a ring my wife she was at cos I remember she was at Coffs Harbour. I said, Hey, hon, you know, I'm gonna go and do a bungee jump she actually won't do that. If she knew how much of a fear I had of heights and I'm like, Yeah, I got to do it. So here we go across the road to this bungee Australia. And I didn't think too much and I kind of paid for it and I got in and I did it all. As I was going up I was asking now I'm asking the guy the questions as we go on up right. And and I remember saying he was telling me about this, this and this and this and all these different things. I'm like right, I'm not going to look down as soon as we stop I'm going to get up out of my seat I'm gonna walk out of the little cage that I was in and just open that doors stain on the ledge and just jump so I got up out of my seat put my arm on the rail look straight over and I'm like so how high up are we will like 40 feet up anyway coming a long story short I'm out there on the on the edge and I could see these hot my whole patterns of sabotage these old patterns running there's like he did the three to one jump and I didn't move apparently I was I can find that video. The CD of it the recording. I don't have it anymore but it was where I was on the edge for 12 minutes

away and they let you stay that long. Yep.

Speaker 2 1:14:40

I was on the edge for 12 minutes my arms will go on my legs were gone. There was like He did another countdown and I'm like my cat the countdown like I could see there was people down the bottom on the video when I did have the video there was people on the bog down the bottom down chicken and

really helpful people There was

Speaker 2 1:15:00

like a bus there was like a bus stand across the road and they're banging on the on the on the bus stand and people yelling out everywhere in front of my eyes, my whole. See, you say you're gonna do stuff and you get to it and you can't do it. And so this was that's probably the most courageous story. And then I don't know what happened on the fourth time, he said three, two, and I just let go and let go. And that was a relief at my colleagues, they were all in tears.

Whoa, that you jumped or watching you struggle

watching me struggle? And then actually jump.

Yeah, well,

Speaker 2 1:15:36

so and my kids knew I had a fear of heights. They, I think we were watching something on telly back, then they said, Would you do that? Then I go, I don't need to do that. It's not about do I want to I just don't need to so total denial that, you know, that was probably one of the most the times when I had to call upon those reserves to do it, because I'm like, if I don't do this, are, are failed. And I'm going to have to get out there and face them, like two of them had fears of heights as well, and they wouldn't even go up. So it was worse for me to go back down. But it took me 12 minutes to make that decision.

Yeah, that's the walk of shame, right? It wouldn't be fantastic. Thank you so much for sharing that. I wanted to touch on one more thing you talked about. Or maybe too, you talked about that vision for the future, that was then taken away. And that's such a big part of grief. If you look at those older couples where the partner dies, and what they expected, the future look like is no longer taken away. So you mentioned vision as well, when you were talking about your current wife, and I'm, like, I'm a big believer that your path doesn't have to be the same, but your endgame has to be heading in the same direction, right for it to all work, how important is vision in your life, and what some tips you could give to the listeners about making sure that they are able to get clarity on their vision.

Speaker 2 1:17:18

I think I just for me, I just see things. So it's probably my, like, when we talk about a vision, I suppose it's just like, I think about my mom, my mom's still alive, and she's never had goals. And but she's okay with that. She just has, like a real faith, and a real trust in whatever's gonna be is going to be. So I think that that's one side of it. And if you're okay with that, then that's fine. I suppose for me, it's just always been a way of getting me to get things done. You know, it's like, that's good. If that's the end goal, I just kinda, you're a pull on that, you know that if you've got a rope, and that rope is connected to the end, you might be deep down in the trenches somewhere, that that that rope you're hanging on to is connected to something. And I think it's important to find whatever you need to find to create that strength to pull that knowing that that visions knowing that that whether it's the safety net, or whether that's the thing, when I say that's the thing, it could be many things, the goal or whatever it is that you want to achieve. That I suppose it's the momentum, it's the it's like a forward direction type thing, you know, and it'll, it'll, I suppose allow allowing or letting your hopes, not your hurts. Define your future. And so that's an attitude. That's like a bit of an attitude as well. So I hope for many things, I hope my footy team wins or camp. still hope for that. And I, you know, I will still watch it and I'll still pull on that rope hoping that they can win a game or that they can win a competition. So I think hope is what I think hope is what keeps us going. Because if you don't have hope, then I suppose your hope less. It's good. And, you know, I don't know there's many ways that to do it. I just, I suppose it's, I don't even know I'm going to say this word visioning. And so I just do a lot of like, guided meditation and meditation and breathe and just spend some time with myself but I love Joe Dispenza his work, you know, creating a new future. I love all of that. You know, your mind can't discern between what's real and what's imagined. So if you imagine the thing that you want, and you, you know, tap into the feelings of that in your brain is going to start to create it, obviously, you still need to take some actions, and some steps. So just think that the things that have happened in my life, because I've had an idea, which was like, the book was one of those, I'm like, Man, I think this is a thing. But then I've failed so many things. Or I've, I've had, let's do this thing, not didn't work, or I kind of got there or kind of stopped or, but you know, the idea with a vision with the book. And I've got some great learning from that as well. Like, I could have stopped that point in time. That took courage as well, that point in time, and I'm like, if I wasn't have all these people here, invested in all these are thrown the towel in. Yeah, as well. So I think, you know, if you don't know, then ask someone for some help. Ask someone who you can trust, you can have a conversation with that maybe knows one little bit more than you doesn't, they don't have to be a genius, every we're just people. But like, if someone knows one little bit, and you can ask them and get a tip to help you to take that step, make because it's really like the coaching, you know, it's just helping people to shift a perspective, hold them accountable for them to take some actions. And I think we get stuck and scared. Because this three letter word how gets in the way? Yeah, that power gets in the way. And like, that's an old structure and a really deep problem for people. So I think just if you don't know, just ask somebody, you probably Google it these days, you know, you can do some modeling. But remember, use your mental process around it, try it out and find your way.

So good. The most important thing out of all of those things that really stuck out for me was you started with it, and you kind of ended with it, which is the action. The vision helps you create, to take action to get things done, because you know what you're working towards, and it builds a momentum. Man, so much wisdom through that. The Les Brown, I'm sure it was said. You go from your heart. And you think, Oh, this is what I want to create. And then you go to your head and your head is how, yeah. And he said, How is none of your damn business? Keep taking the next step and the hair will be presented to you just keep focusing on the vision. Yeah. Gavin, like that's the longest one I've done in a while. And I'd literally could have a million questions I could ask you. So we might leave that for another episode, but so much value in that I appreciate you sharing. I can see the excitement you have. For the book project. You've already talked about having something else similar in the future. Where can people find out more about you? And specifically that book as well, man?

Speaker 2 1:23:14

Well, the book, the name of the book is called resilience turning struggle into strength. Hang on a minute. proud moment.

Yeah. Well, the listeners will have to take take our word for it for the car.

Speaker 2 1:23:30

You go for the listeners, it looks like that. Yep, you can. You can purchase it on Amazon in the hardcover or on the Kindle. Apart from that, my name is Gavin Hyde. I have a website, it's Gavin hyde.com.au That is just about to be revamped. Because I'm have crashed and smashed through the old identity and I'm I'm in the, in the purpose or in the process of creating a new one. And so I have a new website coming in about a month's time. Which, which I'm excited because I'm just really just going to share me you know, like, I'm going to share me, you know, I've, you know, last week, it was great. I sat through your training, which was awesome. You know, made some decisions, took some actions and you know, hide hider a gentleman that I've worked with over a long period of time and he's going to help me with some branding and also I have a podcast starting next week, which I'm excited about never done a podcast Well I've been a guest but yeah. It's called. That's a good question. Breaking the Silence. unmasking authenticity, one conversation at a time. Love it. So I'm just going to be me going to be roar and you know, aren't going to start and and then see where it kind of takes me so I'm excited about that. And I will be doing another bull project as well. So um, you know, open for people that may be keen to have a chat if they feel like that's something that they want to find out more about explore want to share their story want to, you know, find out who they are, do some healing, connecting to their voice share that with the world. That just one just going back one became a bit about the book, what was a real joy about the book was it was healing for myself healing for the authors. And the vision that I had with that was I went into meditation, and I got two words that came out of it. One was communication and relationships, right? That's what popped out, I might go out. So what am I going to do with that? So I just had to wait. And, and that evolved kind of into the vision with the port. But that vision of, you know, we've all been through a lot over the last few years, and just the world's hurting. And, you know, so mine. So, like you said, we all are out. If you haven't had stuff come up or been triggered in the last four years, then maybe I don't know what you're doing, or why even here, or what the purpose is. Or maybe you just had the head in the sand. But I think globally, it's it's it's broken down structures for for everyone. So my vision was for healing for the world healing for the the people writing the stories, but what we did was we found two charities that ground roots, charities, and all the profits of all of the book sales, the Kindle sales, we donated not from the launch from every sale, to charity, and that is so uplifting. So it just shifted something, you know, like I think I've never really done something on that bigger scale by giving back as well. You know, you give back and you get back. But I think at points in time, I thought well, I better give so I can get. And so that was the intention behind it. And so just the fact that, like people will say, when I was talking to people about onboarding and coming on, so how much money we're going to make actually none.

Yeah, like,

Speaker 2 1:27:15

you can use the book as a business card. You know, you can position yourself because what will happen is because, you know, before this book, I co authored five other ones, too, got over the line and got published and three failed. Yeah, so this is actually my sixth attempt. And so resilience took took the reins into my own hands and went well, okay, well, I've had some experiences that was pretty good. But I know that I felt different about myself when people were communicate, communicating to me, especially people I went to school with, like, wow, look at you, I Who would have thought I remember one person saying that. Who would have thought look at you. You're a published author. And I'm like, Wow, is that the opinion that I put across to people? So, so I'm passionate about this next book. So if anyone wants to, you know, connect, just, you know, through my socials Gavin, I, you can get in touch with me there.

Good, man, thank you so much for sharing all of that. You can hear the passion coming through in you not only sharing your story, but helping others to do the same. I honor you and appreciate you, Gavin for coming on and sharing your story so openly. Thanks, man.

Speaker 2 1:28:32

I welcome thanks for having me, mate. I'm really blessed and grateful and it's made my day I feel great. And you know, I'm just going to accelerate into the rest of my day at night, do the rest of my day now on a bit of a higher buzz because it's just a great conversation. So thank you.

You're welcome. Thank you. Speak soon. I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform.