I Don’t Want To Let Anyone Down

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this word, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

Remember, time I was playing for we we've been quite successful for a few years. And we've had a bit of a a began through a few tough results. And I remember the coach calling us into those meetings where some speak some home truths about where things are. The question he asked us is to start with what motivates you each week. And in some of the usual responses, I just want to win. There's nothing wrong with that like to win too. But the words that come out of my mouth where I just don't want to let anyone down. And I wonder how often your life you're living like that. Just not wanting to let anyone down. There's nothing wrong with that. At one level, because it means that you care. And it means that you've gotten desired to do the right thing by people. But it becomes a problem when it's to your detriment when your primary motivator is not self determination, but rather not wanting to let anyone down emotional roller coaster that in life. It's draining. So draining. It makes it really difficult to regulate your own emotions, because you're constantly worrying about how other people are feeling. And that's another one of these places where you might be still feeling responsible for other people for how they feel. And of course, it's created all those years back. Those formative years is our earliest of years, where we might have got some reaction from people in our life that told us that we did let them down they want to keep you safe and might have worked to a point isn't working now. What needs to change? Where do you need to determine your own future, it'd be driven by your own desire to be better, be better for yourself. And saying that you don't want to let down rather than not wanting to let them down, be better because you're going to have a better influence, positive influence on him as a role model. Because you're going to be able to contribute to their life in a more positive way. You can be more emotionally balanced and regulated, you're gonna be mentally stronger, and be physically healthier than having to carry all that weight of other people stuff. A great, great theory I've heard called Brick theory. We run around carrying these bricks, this long list of old To Do List of bricks. And we keep adding more bricks to our pile. And that pile gets heavier and heavier and we carry these around and then we get out of it. was breaks, not wanting to let people down. Okay, well, I'm gonna take on someone else's problems here, I'm gonna, I'm gonna try and make sure I keep this person happy. We call another break. And then we allow ourselves to be pulled in another direction by someone else's priorities. Make sure they're okay don't upset them. So we add another brick piles and piles. And you wonder why your shoulders are sore, and your hearts heavy. Hard enough carrying your own stuff without carrying everyone else's stuff. So it's time to stop putting those bricks down one at a time start reclaiming that lightness in your life, the freedom to live life you want to so that you are not letting yourself down by instead, empowering yourself and empowering others. Well worth the effort

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform