There's No Greater Weight than the Expectation You Place on Yourself

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the and Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

There's no greater weight you carry than the expectation that you place on yourself. You're someone who prides himself in performance. He loves the competition, he loves to challenge yourself and his external pressure that comes with that, but no greater pressure than what you put on yourself. And usually what follows is that you have no larger critic than yourself. So when things don't go to plan, they don't go exactly the way that you want it. Then, like I said, you You are your own worst critic. Or I know this all too well. Remember, back when I played football at a high level it was then the next night. So the night after of the game, it's usually out celebrating or commiserating. But the next night, usually the Sunday night I just couldn't sleep because I was replaying over and over in my head. The moments where I didn't get it right. Even the days when I had an absolute storm or of a game and I was really happy without when I still had those moments where I was playing out or what if this man just was never satisfied with performance? And it seems crazy to think about it. But how often do you catch yourself doing that we just get into yourself for not being able to do something at a particular level. This is usually so hard wired runs in your DNA, I want to put a different spin on it for you. It's actually about fulfilling your potential. It's not about being perfect. It's not about having this huge expectation that's attached to a certain outcome. Instead, it's your ability to adapt in every single situation, that's going to be your greatest value.

Because you just have this strong desire to win, to be successful, to achieve whatever it is that you're setting out to achieve at the moment there are times where you're just so harsh on yourself. But your ability to adapt to make it happen through these challenging times for those times where sometimes you look back and you want to even how you achieve what you did. But it's your ability to adapt your ability to think on your feet to change direction to come up with a different way. Okay, a chameleon, right? You might even find yourself repeating language back to people in a certain way. I think you know, now I'm starting to sound just like them. It's part of your adaptability right? And it makes you great in every area of life. Now one of the challenges is for those those of us who are like this it's like a inbuilt switch that's like what I want everything to be perfect. I want it to go well or want to win. It's usually because that was celebrated in a sense from a very young age. I can still remember must have been three I think playing footy in the backyard of my older siblings, and just the rush of them letting me but no, I didn't realize at the time, then letting me win. And then me getting all excited. So that rush and then having them then tell me Oh, we let you in. Which of course, I didn't believe in screened, and do whatever else I did. But that patenting from that moment, and then continuing moments of that, being praised for the when feeling awful when it didn't go, well, it meant as this pattern of like, gotta gotta win, just got to win. Now, the problem is at different times, it's like, well, if I don't think I can win, I just won't play another pattern from my youth. So I would put myself in games where I would win. That usually meant that I didn't Excel for many years, I didn't give myself an opportunity to really push myself. Because that way I might be exposed, not be able to win, not get that rush. So I just started being comfortable with mediocrity. And when I went to my first proper personal growth workshop, and I just knew that I needed to sign up for what they were selling. I went to the front. And I explained to the guy, I said, Look, I know what's going to happen, or I'm going to get home or wife's gonna say, What do you mean, you want to invest that sort of money in yourself?

Like, you've been brainwashed, or it's a cult or something. And as he asked the question, it was one of those moments where words just came out of my mouth without me even like was involuntary. I think I'm sick of being mediocre. It's one of those moments. Where did that come from? But it's true. Just sick of being mediocre. Oh, yeah. Maybe you can relate. So what have I learned that when you are purely focused on outcome, then you're just taking yourself up for failure. What's far more important is being present in the moment, and just going with whatever's in front of you. putting more effort into adaptability, not some unrealistic expectation. I liken it to a guy like Ken monster. So for those who aren't rugby league fans, think of what one of if not the top sports person in a particular competition. And he's interviewed after a game where he went in a representative game. So high level thinks that at all stars sort of level. He was interviewed and asked about his game, and he's like, Oh, I just go there and play like, I don't even know what I'm doing half the time. That's someone who is just being present in the moment and just playing whatever is in front of him, and he is an unbelievable player. So be like him. Don't worry about working out everything that needs to come next. focus your effort on being adaptable, on changing, detach from the outcome, and instead just focus on being the best that you can in the areas that you can control. simple formula that will take you a long way.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform.