When Your Partner Needs To Change But Won’t Part 2

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the and Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of his work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

So this is a follow up from a podcast I recorded for your last week when your partner needs to change, but won't. And in that first part, I talked about the importance of letting your partner or your children or other people in your life but particularly our partner find their own way, they'd be in a rush to fix Don't be in a rush to control. Don't be trying to make them change how you think they should change because that's only going to hold you both back. Important message it was it was well received even more. It was received even better on my socials, my wife kindly allowed me to use the a photo where she posed and pulled her face. It was a cracker and she. Yeah, people seem to seem to like it. And as a great reflection of what it can be like when when we try and tell our partners what to do. So one of them will follow up. And a reminder that when you let them have their own journey, it's also remembering that actually ultimately it's about you. If it is to be it is up to me that 10 word 20 letter, sentence, sentience comes back to you. Even the things that are frustrating you about your partner that you think they should change is actually a reflection of something you need to change yourself. We can only see and others what we see in ourselves, the good, the bad, and everything in between. So if you're currently seeing something in someone else, and who do we see that usually more than anyone else, our partner, we're seeing something in someone else, it's a reflection of what's going on for you. It's also another avoidance tactic from facing your own stuff. So if you are making it about someone else, yeah, interesting, right? I'm sorry to tell you that you're avoiding whatever you need to address always comes down to self. Don't worry that this is like a learned behavior we've had this drummed into us by our parents, by the school, by workplaces by systems, people externalizing blame making it about other people, instead of taking responsibility. It's an all too common trait. So it's time for you to take control of that to step back into control, to take full responsibility for everything going on your life and realizing that only you can make the change. And the beauty of that is when you do change, then everything else around you around you changes as well. You become that role model and you give others permission to as well which I talked in that previous episode. I also want to share with you something else. If you take the time to listen and to learn from your partner, you'll see that they've actually been growing the whole time. They've been sharing valuable information with you. But your E has been getting in the way because he's sitting there thinking that you know better you're this all knowing all powerful, or knowledgeable person, right you know best and you do know best for you. There's always opportunities to learn and who better to learn off our part. We often attract people in there who compliment us. They fill in gaps that we that we have. And if we take the time to listen. We will find ourselves learning plenty more letting go of control, taking self control, letting go of control, totally ego get in the way. Allow your ego to serve you and take back your power. Take responsibility. Keep doing the work on you.

And the I mentioned in that previous episode around listening to children as well, another great source of valuable information, they come with less of the baggage, and restrictions and patterns that we've developed over the course of our life. And they can often find the most simple and purest answer to different challenges. So you'd be well advised to listen to them as well. And when you're able to do that, and continue to grow, then you find more of that fulfillment that you're looking for. Often, if, if you're somebody who played sport or something that was competitive, whether it was art, or performing, or whatever it was, when we stopped doing it, either at a higher level, or at all, we lose so much of that fulfillment. Well, this is where you get it back. Get that personal growth back. Because in sport, and performing, or whatever it is, you're always trying to grow and get better. You tend to stop that after you finish playing, or finish playing at a serious level. Start growing and start learning again, you'll find that fulfillment. And life will get so much better, less of those down moments where you just feel off and you don't even know why less of those moments of frustration and aggravation. Now I've got a challenge for you. I'd love for you to share this post. And this post this podcast episode and the previous episode with your partner. Let them know what you've been learning. If it needs to bring it with an apology. And you'll find that will be well received. Remember, learning something early days of my personal growth journey about the importance of making your bed and having that daily discipline. And my wife had been telling me to make the bed for years and I said I will we need to make the bed and this is why and she's like, Are you fucking kidding me? I've been telling you this for years. And and now display Jim, Jim Rohn was and now you're going to do it. And I went yeah, well, I've learned and you will write and well received. And so yeah, I'd love for you to share it with your partner if you have that courage to do so. And open that conversation and opportunity to for you guys to create even more unity in your connection and everything that comes with that.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform.