Influence – Influencing Other People, Influencing Yourself

Kelly Hatfield: 00:00:04

We believe life is precious. This is it. We've

Kelly Hatfield: 00:00:07

got one shot at this. It's on us to live life to the fullest to

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maximize what we've been given and play the game of life at our

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full potential. Are you living up to your potential? Are you

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frustrated that despite your best intentions, you just can't

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seem to make the changes needed to take things to the next

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level. So you can impact your career relationships and health.

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If this is hitting home, you're in the right place. Our mission

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is to open the door to the exceptional life by showing you

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how to play the game of life at a higher level. So you're

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playing at your full potential, rather than at a fraction as

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most people do. We'll share the one thing that once we learned

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it, our lives were transformed. And once you learn it, watch

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what happens.

Kelly Hatfield: 00:00:58

Welcome to think Be it the podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield.

John Mitchell: 00:01:03

Hey. And I'm John Michell. So Kelly, here's the

John Mitchell: 00:01:06

subject today, let's, let's talk about the idea of influence

John Mitchell: 00:01:12

influencing other people and influencing yourself. And so

John Mitchell: 00:01:18

how, how do you influence other people? If you had to summarize

John Mitchell: 00:01:23

how you influence other people? How do you do it?

Kelly Hatfield: 00:01:26

Um, I do it by by showing, I lead by example.

Kelly Hatfield: 00:01:32

You know, so I feel like I influence others by again, being

Kelly Hatfield: 00:01:38

the example. And, you know, when I think with my team, let's say

Kelly Hatfield: 00:01:43

in influencing them, you know, it's having them be part of the

Kelly Hatfield: 00:01:47

solution, be part of the discussion, you know, and so for

Kelly Hatfield: 00:01:52

me, really, it's about, you know, how I'm showing up. And

Kelly Hatfield: 00:01:56

that's with everybody, I think about other, you know, leaders,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:02:00

because if you were to ask me the definition of leadership, in

Kelly Hatfield: 00:02:04

what if I were to define leadership in one word, it would

Kelly Hatfield: 00:02:07

be influence. Yeah, you know, good, bad, or otherwise, you're

Kelly Hatfield: 00:02:13

either going to be a terrible influence, you know, or you're

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gonna be, you know, a great influence, you know, and then

Kelly Hatfield: 00:02:18

all the little pieces in between, but I think, for me,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:02:21

how I influence others is how I show up and being that role

Kelly Hatfield: 00:02:25

model.

John Mitchell: 00:02:26

Yeah, that's, that's very good. You know, I

John Mitchell: 00:02:30

tell you, from my standpoint, I see how impactful it is to

John Mitchell: 00:02:37

learn, like the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.

John Mitchell: 00:02:42

And I see this idea of, of, you know, in the book, it talks

John Mitchell: 00:02:46

about the impact of saying a person's first name. And, and I

John Mitchell: 00:02:51

have, I have really over my life, tried to get people's

John Mitchell: 00:02:57

first names and say it in the conversation and, and I don't

John Mitchell: 00:03:00

remember, you may not remember this. But remember when we

John Mitchell: 00:03:05

interviewed Steve Sarkisian, the the head football coach at the

John Mitchell: 00:03:09

University of Texas, and throughout that interview, he'd

John Mitchell: 00:03:13

go, John, such and such, and they go, Kelly, this is what I

John Mitchell: 00:03:19

in his, you know, and he probably said each far names

John Mitchell: 00:03:22

three or four times, and you know, it it,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:03:24

do you remember that? Oh, yeah, absolutely, I

Kelly Hatfield: 00:03:27

do.

John Mitchell: 00:03:27

And, and he is one of the best at doing it very

John Mitchell: 00:03:32

naturally, but I see the power of, of, you know, applying How

John Mitchell: 00:03:36

to win friends and influence people the idea of saying

John Mitchell: 00:03:40

people's names of smiling, of seeing things from their point

John Mitchell: 00:03:45

of view. And, and I know, that's what you really mean by showing

John Mitchell: 00:03:50

up like you want to show up, right?

Kelly Hatfield: 00:03:52

Well, it's a part of it, but definitely not

Kelly Hatfield: 00:03:54

all of it, you know, I think it's about it's this exchange of

Kelly Hatfield: 00:03:58

energy, right? You ask people good, bad or otherwise, through

Kelly Hatfield: 00:04:02

the energy you're bringing to a situation and how you're showing

Kelly Hatfield: 00:04:05

up in a room, you know, and they're the little things that

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you can do like saying somebody's name, like being

Kelly Hatfield: 00:04:11

very, very present. We've talked about that before, to where when

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you're locked in, you know, with somebody, and they feel like

Kelly Hatfield: 00:04:19

you're the you know, you don't have your phone out, you're not

Kelly Hatfield: 00:04:22

paying attention to it like they're important. And then

Kelly Hatfield: 00:04:26

you're going to influence them differently than if you did have

Kelly Hatfield: 00:04:29

your phone out. And they could tell that they're number three

Kelly Hatfield: 00:04:32

on the priority on your list right now in what's in front of

Kelly Hatfield: 00:04:35

you. So it's all of those little things, John, in the name being

Kelly Hatfield: 00:04:39

one of them is huge. And you know, another really interesting

Kelly Hatfield: 00:04:41

thing too, about the name is think about, if you're in a

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crowded room, and you hear your name, you hear John often that

Kelly Hatfield: 00:04:49

like in somebody else's conversation, you're going to

Kelly Hatfield: 00:04:52

perk up like your brain. That's one of the things that it is

Kelly Hatfield: 00:04:57

hardwired. To hear is your name. When is your own name? You know,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:05:02

and so there's some chemicals that take place when you hear

Kelly Hatfield: 00:05:06

your name, and wondering, and so that's a really powerful thing

Kelly Hatfield: 00:05:09

for influence. Absolutely. But it's more than that, you know,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:05:12

it's, like I mentioned mentioned earlier, it's, you know, it's

Kelly Hatfield: 00:05:17

how it's the energy you're bringing into the room. And

Kelly Hatfield: 00:05:21

that's one of the things I was it's like, be responsible for

Kelly Hatfield: 00:05:24

the energy you bring into this room, because it absolutely

Kelly Hatfield: 00:05:27

influences the outcomes.

John Mitchell: 00:05:30

You know, I love your term. Energy Exchange.

John Mitchell: 00:05:34

That's, that's true. And, and I was watching the evening news, I

John Mitchell: 00:05:40

guess it's Friday, and they were talking about this, this, at

John Mitchell: 00:05:44

this school, this teacher had the idea of, of writing a note

John Mitchell: 00:05:49

and giving the note to a student and complimenting him this idea

John Mitchell: 00:05:53

of complimenting, and it was so powerful the emotion that came

John Mitchell: 00:05:58

from, you know, that exchange of of energy and that idea of

John Mitchell: 00:06:03

complementing each other. I mean, it was amazing. And the

John Mitchell: 00:06:08

other thing that that I was just talking to ginger about this a

John Mitchell: 00:06:12

few minutes ago, is, you know, we went out for dinner a week or

John Mitchell: 00:06:17

so ago. And everybody is just so nice. They're just just, you

John Mitchell: 00:06:22

know, people are smiling, and they're nice, and they're

John Mitchell: 00:06:25

thoughtful. And and, you know, we've lately been noticing just

John Mitchell: 00:06:32

how nice people are. And yeah, we talked about in this country,

John Mitchell: 00:06:36

how much division and how all the things that are wrong. You

John Mitchell: 00:06:41

know, there's a ton of things that are right there more

John Mitchell: 00:06:44

things, way more things that are right in this country. And, you

John Mitchell: 00:06:50

know, I just, I don't know, have you experienced this lately, or

John Mitchell: 00:06:54

noticed it lately? The people are just nice.

Kelly Hatfield: 00:06:57

I think that, hey, this is whatever you look

Kelly Hatfield: 00:07:01

for, you will find? Yeah. And so if you're looking and your, your

Kelly Hatfield: 00:07:07

expectation is that people are going to be nice and positive,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:07:10

and you're being nice and positive, goes back to what we

Kelly Hatfield: 00:07:13

were just talking about, you're influencing that interaction,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:07:16

you know, so you're more likely to have somebody be friendly

Kelly Hatfield: 00:07:19

back to you, if you smile, there's those mirror neurons,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:07:21

all of those things that are happening. But if I walk into a

Kelly Hatfield: 00:07:24

room and expect that you're going to walk in and you know,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:07:28

maybe you're walking into a room that, you know, maybe I don't

Kelly Hatfield: 00:07:32

know what the case may be, but you have an expectation that

Kelly Hatfield: 00:07:36

people are going to be unfriendly or that you don't

Kelly Hatfield: 00:07:38

belong there or whatever, guess what, you'll find those people

Kelly Hatfield: 00:07:42

again, it's that exchange of energy. So anyway, that's the

Kelly Hatfield: 00:07:46

way I look at it. Whatever you look for, you're fine. There's

Kelly Hatfield: 00:07:48

an asshole in every room.

John Mitchell: 00:07:50

Right, right. Yeah, we're the law of

John Mitchell: 00:07:52

attraction. Right? Yeah, absolutely. You know, I'll tell

John Mitchell: 00:07:55

you the other thing about influencing other people. That's

John Mitchell: 00:07:58

interesting. So i i Over the last week or so I did, I think

John Mitchell: 00:08:02

three free podcasts. And just because they're fun, candidly.

John Mitchell: 00:08:08

And, and I want to I want to help people but peachy, I'm

John Mitchell: 00:08:11

doing it because they're mainly fun. And each one the hosts

John Mitchell: 00:08:16

after it said, you know, I'm really interested in this thing

John Mitchell: 00:08:20

could be it this 12 minute day technique. Can we can we talk

John Mitchell: 00:08:25

about it. So I've got, you know, the appointments this week to

John Mitchell: 00:08:29

talk to him. And I was thinking, I'm just going to ask him

John Mitchell: 00:08:33

questions, like, like you and I've talked about four this idea

John Mitchell: 00:08:37

of, of questions influence people not telling them, how

John Mitchell: 00:08:42

great think you'd be it is and all the science behind it, why a

John Mitchell: 00:08:46

lot works logically. If I want to help the people, I have to

John Mitchell: 00:08:52

ask them questions about their their life and get them thinking

John Mitchell: 00:08:57

about their life. And, but, but that's such a great lesson on

John Mitchell: 00:09:01

influences is it's all about the questions. Yes. Right.

Kelly Hatfield: 00:09:06

Absolutely. It's that seeking first to understand

Kelly Hatfield: 00:09:09

it's really hard to influence someone if you don't understand

Kelly Hatfield: 00:09:11

where they're coming from, you know,

John Mitchell: 00:09:14

right. Right. And you know, then the other side of

John Mitchell: 00:09:18

of influences is influencing yourself and you know, I'm just

John Mitchell: 00:09:25

sort of curious over your over your life I'm curious when you

John Mitchell: 00:09:32

look back what's been the the evolution of your maturity

John Mitchell: 00:09:38

relative to influencing your yourself like like start when

John Mitchell: 00:09:44

you were just a kid like 10 or 11 years old, maybe high school,

John Mitchell: 00:09:50

that was your level of maturity at that point. But But how how

John Mitchell: 00:09:55

to tell us about the journey of of to where you are The day and

John Mitchell: 00:10:01

and influencing yourself?

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:05

Boy, that's a big question. I wasn't writing

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:09

this one.

John Mitchell: 00:10:10

You know what I know? It's such an easy

John Mitchell: 00:10:13

question, Kelly, come on,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:16

you know, I can talk to you about looking that

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:20

far back. Right is tough for me, I can talk to you on probably

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:25

over the course of what's changed in the last 15 years.

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:29

Because for me, from like, 35, to 50, you know, which is where

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:34

I'm coming up on right now. So let's just say 20 years from 30,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:38

to 50. You know, I think the way that I influence, there has been

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:44

one common thread, which, you know, we've talked about this a

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:47

little bit before, and some people may think that this is

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:50

morbid, and I think it probably just kind of depends on your

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:53

viewpoint of things. But mortality, motivation is

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:58

something for me, that really resonates with me, you know, I

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:03

experienced death early in my, you know, in my as part of my

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:06

childhood. And so, um, for me, I always was like, Well, if I

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:12

don't feel like it, I'm just lucky to be here. So it's like,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:16

if this is a goal I have, then you know, and if I have like, so

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:19

for example, I've talked about this before one of my other

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:21

business partners, her dad is a quadriplegic, right, like he

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:25

would, he would do anything to be able to get up and go for a

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:29

run, you know what I mean? And so it's like, well, yeah, I need

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:32

to do this, you know, this is a goal of mine, but I need to do

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:35

it because I can, and I'm so lucky that I can, you know, and

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:39

so for me, that mortality motivation, or that motivation

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:43

of perspective that we've talked about in other episodes before,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:48

is something that really motivates me, mortality,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:50

motivation always has, but perspective has been one that's

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:55

over the course of the last 10 years. That really is something

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:58

that's been that is a real motivator for me,

John Mitchell: 00:12:02

what do you mean perspectives,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:12:04

I mean, I'm just like, I was talking to somebody

Kelly Hatfield: 00:12:07

the other day, that was not the other day, a couple of months

Kelly Hatfield: 00:12:10

ago. That is a high performance coach, and she was talking about

Kelly Hatfield: 00:12:14

some of the challenges that she was having. And one of them was

Kelly Hatfield: 00:12:16

that the city that she lived in, had been bombed. And I thought,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:12:20

okay. You know, what I mean, like perspective, it's like, I

Kelly Hatfield: 00:12:26

am so lucky to be a woman, you know, in it born in the United

Kelly Hatfield: 00:12:30

States, in the time that I was born in, and in the, you know,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:12:34

what I mean? And so, with all of this opportunity, and so like,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:12:41

thinking, putting things in perspective, like that, and

Kelly Hatfield: 00:12:44

like, I'm not being bombed right now, you know. So you know, what

Kelly Hatfield: 00:12:50

I mean, it's, it's that, and that's on a grand scale. But I

Kelly Hatfield: 00:12:54

mean, even just the thing that I mentioned about, you know, this

Kelly Hatfield: 00:13:00

last week, going through another bout of COVID, it's like what

Kelly Hatfield: 00:13:03

I've got, I'm so lucky, I have healthcare, you know, I mean, I

Kelly Hatfield: 00:13:07

live in a, so it's like, okay, the perspective is 99.9% of the

Kelly Hatfield: 00:13:12

time, I feel great, you know. And so this is just a reminder

Kelly Hatfield: 00:13:17

for me, and to take care of myself, and to do all of the

Kelly Hatfield: 00:13:21

things that maybe I don't feel like doing, but I know are

Kelly Hatfield: 00:13:24

important, because they keep me healthy. You know what I mean?

Kelly Hatfield: 00:13:27

So that's,

John Mitchell: 00:13:28

that's a great point. And yeah, that's a great

John Mitchell: 00:13:30

segue to this little Instagram post, I want to play for the

John Mitchell: 00:13:35

audience. And this is a, like, very short, short video post and

John Mitchell: 00:13:41

the girls a most motivational speaker, or public speaker,

John Mitchell: 00:13:46

rather, and just listen to what she says about not wanting to

John Mitchell: 00:13:52

run and, and doing things that she doesn't want to do, and

John Mitchell: 00:13:57

doesn't feel like doing, but how she sort of intellectually deals

John Mitchell: 00:14:01

with it. So let's, let's hear what she has to say here.

Unknown: 00:14:08

Run 10 miles, how do I feel about running 10 Miles

Unknown: 00:14:13

doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how I feel because it is

Unknown: 00:14:16

part of the plan. And my job is just to execute the plan, no

Unknown: 00:14:19

matter how I feel. How this relates to public speaking is

Unknown: 00:14:23

the fact that our feelings are never going to be fully

Unknown: 00:14:28

supportive all the time of helping us reach our goals.

Unknown: 00:14:31

There is so much procrastination, there's so many

Unknown: 00:14:33

negative feelings that are associated with public speaking.

Unknown: 00:14:36

So it can be really difficult to want to do it to feel motivated

Unknown: 00:14:41

to do it. So we need to come up with process and we need to come

Unknown: 00:14:44

up with a plan that we execute despite how we feel. So a way to

Unknown: 00:14:49

do this for public speaking, is to start thinking about small

Unknown: 00:14:52

opportunities where you can start scaling up your skill. Oh,

Unknown: 00:14:57

there's my waffles. So What I would suggest is, what is a

Unknown: 00:15:03

small thing that you can do once or twice a week right now,

Unknown: 00:15:07

that's going to help you get used to talking in front of

Unknown: 00:15:10

people. And even if it's filming reels twice a week and not

Unknown: 00:15:13

posting them, that's still a process, and that's still

Unknown: 00:15:17

building the skill. So don't wait for that motivation, I

Unknown: 00:15:21

don't feel particularly motivated to run, it's gonna

Unknown: 00:15:23

feel good at some point, skip feel bad at some points, but at

Unknown: 00:15:26

the end, it doesn't matter, I did it, and I'm gonna get my

Unknown: 00:15:29

goal that marathon in May.

John Mitchell: 00:15:32

You know, that's a that's a great point, you're

John Mitchell: 00:15:34

not going to feel like doing a lot of things. Right?

Kelly Hatfield: 00:15:38

Absolutely. You know, and I think too, you know,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:15:42

one of the things having to do with motivation is just being

Kelly Hatfield: 00:15:45

really connected to to that why, you know, like, the, the, the, I

Kelly Hatfield: 00:15:51

forget the exactly the line, she says, but how I feel about it

Kelly Hatfield: 00:15:54

doesn't matter. Because I know what the goal is, I know the

Kelly Hatfield: 00:15:58

process that I need to follow. So how I feel about it, you

Kelly Hatfield: 00:16:01

know, doesn't matter, I the emotions around it don't matter,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:16:05

I need to just take the action.

John Mitchell: 00:16:07

You know, I think that's the essence of the video

John Mitchell: 00:16:09

really, was that you're not going to feel like doing things

John Mitchell: 00:16:15

you need to do. I mean, you know, oftentimes, sometimes I

John Mitchell: 00:16:19

don't feel like exercising. So, you know, I My goal is to be fed

John Mitchell: 00:16:25

and trim and healthy. So doesn't matter, like she says, But I see

John Mitchell: 00:16:31

that influencing yourself is every bit if not more important

John Mitchell: 00:16:36

than influencing other people. So, but know that we're all in

John Mitchell: 00:16:42

the influence business, whether we want to be or not, so it'd be

John Mitchell: 00:16:45

a good idea to learn how to influence Right? Absolutely.

John Mitchell: 00:16:50

Okay, until next time, we'll see you.

Kelly Hatfield: 00:16:55

Thanks for listening today. If you've had

Kelly Hatfield: 00:16:59

your own aha moment from today's episode, send me or John an

Kelly Hatfield: 00:17:03

email. We'd love to share your epiphany with our audience. So

Kelly Hatfield: 00:17:08

email us at Kelly@thinkitbeit.com or

Kelly Hatfield: 00:17:11

John@thinkitbeit.com. In the meantime, live the exceptional life