The Art Of Living

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Welcome to Think It Be It the podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield.

And once again, I'm John Michell. If so, Kelly, here's the topic today, The Art of Living? Don't you like there's an art to living?

I think so I'm excited to hear what you have to say about that. So where this conversation is going? Well,

I here's here's the big picture of this, I think as you get as you evolve through life, it really is learning the art of living, of art of, you know, creating success, the art of enjoying life, the art of dealing with all sorts of issues that come up and problems and, and really more specifically, I guess, I see that there's really four components and see if you agree with this on a big picture standpoint. So the first component of the art of living is dealing with problems. Well, okay, so what are the problems that come up, dealing with unenlightened people, dealing with incompetent people, and dealing with difficult people? So that's, that's one, then another part of the art of living, is actually savoring the good. You know, savoring the things in life that are, that are good, so you've really experienced them and enjoy them, then the third one is evolving mentally, over over time, and so that you're just more enlightened as you get older. And I see that, that one of the things that really fascinates me is how, as people get older, do they really evolve mentally, I, my guess, is that they do not. But evolving, mentally has gotta be the key to living a long happy life. We'll get into that in a minute. And then maybe the fourth component is having a great marriage. Because, you know, when you're living with another human being, there's an art to, you know, navigating that and, and accepting your partner's challenges and, and that type of thing. And so, but those are the four components, do you think? Didn't you think anything else or you disagree with any of that?

No, I think all of those are great, I think for, you know, whether it's marriage, or whether it's relationships, you know, I think, and your romantic partner, I think, again, has a tremendous amount of influence over the happiness in your life. So, you know, and the quality of that relationship, obviously. So yeah, and you know, whether you're married or whether you're not that romantic relationship, you know, that close intimate relationship, I think is important. Art of Living, I think friendships and connection, you know, that was that those are things that really, but I'm interested to see where you're gonna go with these four things. So you said dealing with problems savoring the good and evolving mentality and a great marriage.

And, you know, I think I think the fifth one is what you're saying, connection, because connection is a key part of the art of living. I hadn't thought about it like that, but I think it is but you know, so here's, here's what I would my take on dealing with, with problems you're going to run into and enlightened people. And, and as example, this hit me just just a week or so ago, reading in the in the Wall Street Journal and Mitt Romney says he doesn't understand how people can be supportive of crop. And I read that I'm go why Now I boy, I agree with that I don't understand it either. And then later in the day I read again, and again, it probably from the Wall Street Journal, I'd said that 36% of people believe in the American Dream, which is that if you work hard, you can make something of yourself and have success. And 50% of people believe that the system is rigged against him. So they're evicted? Well, you know, when you start looking at how so many people can support Trump, for you, and me and Mitt Romney, we don't understand it. But you know, we're looking at it from our standpoint, when you look at it, through the lens of only 36% of people believe in the American dream. And majority, almost a majority of people embrace being victims, then you go, Oh, I see. Now, I see why they support someone that is perceived as against the establishment and somebody who encourages being a victim. And that was very enlightening to me. And so it taught me, you know, to when you encounter and enlightened people, you just have to look at it through their point of view, and see why they think what they think and, you know, accept it, you're not going to change it. So you just accept it by hitting any other thoughts on dealing with unenlightened people?

No, I think it's what we've talked about before, when we've talked about influence, which is that whole seeking first to understand, right, yeah, you know what I mean? And if you're we're talking about the art of living, and dealing with problems and dealing with, you know, interesting, you know, people who have different beliefs than you do, it really is that seeking first to understand their perspective and where they're coming from, to the point you just made there are those different factors that come into play that are a part of our reality? You know, and so, yeah, I think that's a really good point.

Right. And, you know, then the other group we had to deal with is incompetent people. I see this a lot, you know, people that won't return an email or one return a call, or just are so incompetent at their job, and you need them to do this or that. And so therefore, you know, you it stymies, whatever your objective is, and I see with, with those people, you just have to work around them, you're not going to make them more competent, you just have to probably have patience and work around. Would would you agree with that? Yeah. But

I think it's the same thing. I think, again, when we're talking about the art of living, and you're dealing with problems, it's like, you have to focus on the things that you can control. Right. And you can't control somebody being incompetent. Yeah. Right. I mean, so you might as well not spend your energy fighting against that and figure out a way around it, to your point on, you know, on same thing with the folks, you know, we just talked about before that which is, you know, unenlightened, it's the same thing, you're not going to, you know, control, you control what you can control when it comes to dealing with problems, and yet change somebody's mind a lot of the time or their heart, you know, and so, anyway, yeah, we're on the on the same page.

I think, though, the, you know, I've, I've noticed over the last, you know, 15 years, you know, I used to get mad at things, and I'd be verbal about it. Not not not very often, really, but I would, if something pissed me off, I'd be pretty verbal about it. And you know, and now I'm like, you know, there's no, no value and venting about something that pissed me off. And I think that, that that is happening, because I just evolved mentally. I think, you know, of course, I don't have as much on the line today as I did. When I was in my mid 50s. i And I get that that, you know, when you're in you're in, in your, you know, that period of time where you're trying to create financial security for your family, and things happen, that, that stymie that, it can really piss you off. But I do see that as you and this gets to that, that part of evolving mentally you just start to understand the bigger picture of how everything works. And you just have to let people be the way they are. Because you're not going to change them and just be more patient and work around them is sort of the lesson I've learned. Would you agree with that? Yep. I

think that it's all about your frame of mind. You know, and I've gotten, you know, and the wisdom that comes along with it, I mean, the amount of time, like, just think about the kind of energy you're putting out when you complain about something. Right? What kind of good does that do, you know, good in. And as a matter of fact, it picks up momentum a lot of the time, you'll get the other people around you talking about and complaining about something that, you know, and so I think being that kind of, source of, of, like, that's just one of my rules, I don't complain. Yeah, you know, I don't either. And so I think if you can, if you can train yourself to not complain, and to not seek out but things are being, you know, again, really, in the grand scheme of things, we talk about perspective, you know, and, and if some, you don't get the kind of service that you want, it goes back to seeking first to understand or having empathy, you don't know what that person is going through, and why they, why they're showing up in the moment, the way they're showing up, they could just have had something terrible happen or something, somebody has said something terrible to them, and you just happen to be the brunt of that. You know, so I think, again, with with ages come wisdom, and that's just kind of how I walk into what how I walk through life, you know, as far as the art of living is concerned, you

know, I do, you've got to wait for better attitude than I do. I'm like, no, they're just in confident. care what nothing happened. They were just incompetent.

And, hey, that can very well be the case. But I'm not going to spend my energy worrying about whether they're incompetent or not. It's just like, it is what it is. And that's not where I'm going to choose to put my energy.

Right. You know, the second component of this is savoring the good. And, you know, there is so much good in, in life. You know, this morning, I was talking to my good friend, Bobby. And, you know, we were always giving each other a ration every, every morning and Kevin each other day out and, and playing with each other. And you know, what a joy that is, when you step back and look at the friendship for 40 years, you know, doing this with you is, is one of those little tidbits of joy in life. You know, I think bad you know, in, in taking care of my health, I allow myself to cheat meals a week. And I've been making a point more to just savor those cheap meals, you know, savor every bite of it out with, it's so good. But there's, there's part of the art of living is, is not just experiencing the good, but savoring the good, appreciating Dutch with 100%,

being grateful for it and looking for it, look, looking for it, look for it, whatever you look for, you'll find. So if you're looking for the crap, and if you're looking for the, you will find it and guess what, bring more of it into your life. So Robin is true on the good, if you make it a practice to look for the good in a situation in just in anything, you'll bring more of that into your life, you're you know, it's it's really fascinating the way that works, but 100%, as far as the art of living, I mean, that's what this is all about. You gotta you gotta look for the good. And I know for, you know, many people listening now might be hard right now, there's a lot going on, you know, right on a macro level, you know, in the world and everything, but you can find it in me the everyday joy is like, the other day, I was standing in the kitchen, and we have a ton of hummingbirds, you know, and this little hummingbird just came and hung out, I was standing there looking at, you know, through me through the glass, you know, just hovering there was beautiful. And I was just so happy for like that moment that I got to see this little dude suspended in the air. And, you know, and so it's those things that are just, it's so simple, but just recognizing it and being more in the moment. And if you're the more present you can be the more you recognize those good things and are able to save her, um, it's hard to do when you're just going through the motions and relying on your autopilot. It's hard to, you know, to see some of that stuff because you're not in the present.

Well, he knew, though, that that gets back to why it's so absolutely critical. You got to rewire your autopilot to do all the things we're talking about to focus on the good to, to have patience with people, all the stuff we're talking about. The only way it actually becomes part of your life is if you rewire your autopilot around it. Yeah, no, absolutely. You know, the other thing is idea of, of evolving mentally. You know, I see people around me that are a little older than me, and that are in the latter stages of their life. You know, people may be in their late 70s and And Aedes, I just wonder, you know what, what goes on with people as they get older and not like I would, I'm thinking about this because I met this lady that was on the Board of Regents for the University of Texas and she sits next to me on the floor at the women's basketball game, we have, you know, four seats, Bill Cunningham is on my left, and he and she was on the Board of Regents when he was chancellor. And so I got to know her. And you know, she's a liberal, and which is great, because, you know, and a strong Democrat. And so we always have respectful conversations, and we're always, you know, it's always productive. But she, she was very successful. And now, you know, she's a lawyer, and I'd ask her, what do you do and what's, what's going on? Are you still practicing law, she said, Now I but I go out to the law firm and I do a few things but he I can tell that she died not engaged in anything that I can discern, that is significant. And I'm, I'm like, I think the art of living is you got to have something that you're always intellectually striving for. I'm certainly, you know, building my life around this and and, you know, the evolution of Tibby has been so fun for me and now seeing the future of it. Uh, you know, I'm totally engaged in it. And I'm, I'm if I see that, the IDI had some enlightened views in the past, but it's evolved. And I see things much clearer now. And the people I work with are great, and it's fun. But I see that you as you age, you got to have an evolution of yourself mentally, how you look at life, how you how you look at human nature, how you help other people, a IV, do you have any thoughts on all that? Now,

I think you're 100% on point there. I truly feel like if you are not growing, then what's the opposite of that? If you're not, if you're not expanding, you're contracting. If you're not growing, you're regressing. And I think it's why I've seen so many times, like I see examples of it in some of the older folks that I have in my life, who looked at retirement, let's say as just that, like I'm done working, and didn't have anything else to get like a passion to pursue or an impact that they wanted to make or something they were striving for. And they're very unhappy people.

Right. And,

you know, so I think you're spot on with that evolving mentality, and how important that is.

So how do you think you've evolved over the last 10 years mentally? But what's the thing you can notice?

I think the one thing that I think that I can really noticed in the last 10 years would be, I'm just how my mindset is evolved? And again, I think so much of that comes from age, and like the things that I thought mattered before, they don't matter. Yeah, me clipping is that I was putting so much energy into, they don't, you know, I see now what a waste of energy that was right. You know, and so I think, probably the mindset around what really matters now. So when you talk about the art of living in these five things that we're talking about today, and like, I think that having a lot of clarity around that I still much more clarity now than I had 10 years ago. And so yeah, I think that's probably how I've evolved in the last 10 years would be around just mindset and knowing what's important and what to spend my energy on and what to not spend my energy on.

Right? Yeah. Well, I think that's right, and not worrying what other people think, a lot of doubt.

That's a big one. It's like, guess what? They're not thinking about you.

Right? They don't care. Don't care? Yes. Yeah.

It's so everybody's got their own stuff. You know what I mean? Right? And if and if you've got people who think, who are thinking negatively so many times that's like, this is another way just in terms of evolving and understanding, having empathy is that that's not about me. You know, what I mean? Like if you've got a problem, you know, or you're not happy with or you've got a comment, a negative comment to make about something that I'm doing. That says more about you than it does about me. I get that now that like hurt people. Hurt people. Yeah. So, you know, so it doesn't have to do it. It can comes from a lack some type of a lack that they have, you know, that I trigger somehow or whatever. And that's not to say, I'm not going to examine myself and I'm if I'm accountable for something, or if I've said something, that is not what I'm talking about here, I'm talking about trying to make people happy. Right, you know what I mean, and caring about it to the, to a degree that it, it hinders you in any way, you know, what NY?

Yeah, you know, I think the the last component is, you know, having a great marriage, I mean, that's a key part of the art of living, and boy, it is an art. And I see, as thinking about this the other day, my precious wife, ginger, did something said something that I didn't think was fair. So, so I didn't like it. And, and we get into a little argument, and add to the argument, and be one big thing, but, but I'm like, you know, this part of the the art of living, she's, she's entitled to have her point of view, even as, as unfair as it appears to me, you know, but she's different than me, she had a different life experiences than I have, she has different genetics, what seems like obviously, this would be fair, she doesn't see you that way. And that's one of the things that really helped me is seeing, you know, the everybody is a function of their genetics and their life experiences. So of course, they see life different. But I see that in marriage, because you're living this life with another person, you have to let them be them. And you have to accept the fact when they don't react like you want them to. And, and I'm a big believer in at least from my standpoint, I have to lead the relationship, you know, I have to evolve it in the right way. Usually, I'm the one that brings educational things to the table. And, and I see that some of the specifics, I do, and you probably do some of the same things through our methodology is idea of ginger to compliments every day, starting with first thing in the morning, and then I'm accountable for the second one at dinner, we have our relationship talk every Sunday at 8pm. You know, I'm also noticing if she ever says anything irritating, I just remain quiet and notice my irritation. And that that hesitation will stop anything stupid from coming out of my mouth. And but you know that and that's just, and I'm feeding to myself every day, are all our great qualities. And, you know, I see, now that's the art of having a great marriage when you're seeding this into your subconscious mind, which is controlling everything. You know, it makes for a great relationship, whereas most couples are living a life where there their fear based and reactive, because they're innately wired for survival, they're not overriding that. Any other thoughts on on all that? And marriage? No,

I think marriage is just like, any other relationship agreed 100%, like, you know, on compliments, and you know, on having weekly check in with each other and things along those lines. But it really is. And when you say leading the relationship, I look at it more as like leading myself, like how I show up and the relationship matters. Right, I'm in a hole, guess what, you know what I mean, that is going to be reciprocated, in kind, you know, like, so again, being responsible for the energy I bring into the relationship because as we talk about having those mirror kind of neurons that we have people on will respond. It's an energy exchange, you know, if you're showing up and I'm responsible for me, and how I'm showing up and the energy I'm bringing into the relationship, and it's positive, and it's loving, and I'm then nine times out of 10. Now, this isn't necessarily for every relationship, there are people's relationships that are broken, you know, and are maybe either with the wrong people or whatever the case may be, but in nine out of 10 relationships, when you show up a certain way in the marriage, you know, in like the example I just gave, I'm responsible for my energy, I bring a loving care listening, you know, I'm present, then they're going to respond in kind. It may take a little while it may be but most of the time when you're living with someone in that kind of an intimate setting, right, they will start to follow suit. It just is something that happens naturally within nature, you know, so anyway, that's what I am responsible for me and my energy that I bring into the relationship. And so and that's how, you know, we've been together for 30 years and married for 28. You know, and that's not to say that there hasn't been bumps in the road, there absolutely has that. That's one of the other things as you evolve, right? So does that relationship and you learn what works over time? So no HyperSnap on the same page?

Okay, well, I think we have now articulated the art of living in, you know, under 30 minutes we've, we've articulated all the essence of The Art of Living hopefully.

Yeah, so you're welcome. Yeah.

Even if you didn't agree with it, you are welcome. That so go and live the art of living. So until next time, we'll see.

You thanks for listening today. If you've had your own aha moment from today's episode, send me or John an email. We'd love to share your epiphany with our audience. So email us at kelly@thinkitbeit.com or John@thinkitbeit.com. In the meantime, live the exceptional life