Embracing Your Inner Voice: Finding Joy in Being Yourself

Welcome, everyone, and today is going to be so good. We are here on the ReLaunch podcast. And I've got someone that I've been following for years and years. And I've admired her so much, because of her ability to have successful relaunches, even when she just you know, it's like that song, you get knocked down, you get up again, this woman has been able to and not only be able to survive, thrive, but really impact not only our generation, but the generations that are coming after her. And that just says so much. Mariel Hemingway is considered an expert in health from both mental and physical. She's a longtime advocate of we're gonna love this everyone personal power, and you know how I feel about that. She works in life, balance, authenticity, joy and finding peace of mind through a devoted practice of healthy living and you know, joy, peace of mind. These are all part of my mantras to so she's both a committed teacher and student, right? Does it ever actually end? I don't think so. In 2014 Marielle co executive produced the Emmy nominated, running from crazy which I just had a chance to re watch. And in that she really it It premiered in the Sundance Film Festival. It documents her boundless advocacy for mental health awareness, the dignity and rights of people of all circumstances and ability and her commitment. This is so important for connecting those of like mind and heart. Haha, y'all seeing this? Head heart Higher Self three HQ. She is living this. She is living this in 2015. In alignment with National Mental Health Awareness Month. Regan arts publishing released two new books including her memoir, Out came the sun. And a young adult targeted diary from project about the journey from surviving to thriving and titled invisible girl. So today, she is a keynote speaker. She is all over. She is putting herself out there being vulnerable, allowing people to connect with her. She has included and she has been included everywhere. She's USA Today, LA Times Chicago Tribune. I mean, it just goes on and on. But the reason I am so excited to have her here is to again, take what she's doing. And understand that there's literally hope. There's hope for people in your family. You're going to hear about the struggles you're going to hear about the suicides her famous grandfather, you're going to hear about more importantly, what she does, which is bring it home, bring it home to you bring it home to me.

You're listening to the ReLaunch podcast and I'm your host, Hilary DeCesare, best selling author, speaker and transformational coach widely recognized in the worlds of neuro psychology and business launches, which cultivated the one and only three HQ method helping midlife women. Yep, that's me to rebuild a life of purpose, possibility and inspiring business ventures. Each week, we'll be diving into the stories that brought upon the most inspirational relaunches while sharing the methods and the secrets that they learned along the way, so that you too can have not just an ordinary relaunch, but an extraordinary relaunch.

Marielle Welcome. Welcome to the relaunch podcast so great to have you.

Oh my gosh, that was the loveliest intro seriously, like, incredibly well, you know, like I might have continue.

That's the greatest part.

I I appreciate. I appreciate that. I appreciate that very much. I mean, as you know, people working on themselves and sharing the work that they do on themselves to help others to expand and grow and become more of themselves is has become I mean, oddly enough, I never thought that would be the what was most important in my life, but it's become the most important the

most important part. Yeah. You do want to hear something super crazy, that I actually just thought about, as I was kind of tuning into this process of talking to you today. And I know we've had, we've had some misfires here. But we are here, we are here today. And I remember being in the audience, you were speaking at an event called ladies that launch. Ladies that launch, I think it was in San Francisco, I want to say that that's where I was. I was until about two years ago when I moved to Boulder, Colorado. And I remember you specifically and there was something about there were a lot of different people speaking. And I really had not like I hadn't really been follow you, per se. But I heard you speak. And you know how there's just moments in time where you're like, wow, I need to understand more about this person's life. So I find it so ironic now that we're sitting here and we're talking about your life. And I remember that day. And I kept thinking, that woman's not asking the right questions. You're, she's she's, you're you're about to answer something. And then she would scooch into something else. I thought, No, we Sunday, I'm going to interview you. And we're going to go there. And again, just so excited to have you here. And one of the things that we were talking about earlier, and there's so many different relaunches so many different times where you've had to, you know, put on the big girl pants and say, You know what, this is not going to, it's not going to put me flat out on my back, it's not going to define me. Can you share with us out of everything you've done? What do you think is the most impactful, impactful relaunch that you've been through to date?

You know, I'm, I'm not one of these people that ever has a total Aha, that changed the course of my life kind of moment. But because I'm very slow learner, I think my life has been a process of like, Oh, they're kind of all little Aha, does that lead to a bigger moment of clarity about who? So they're the, one of the very, very profound time was, you know, I spent a lot of my youth or my younger years as a woman, as a mother as a teen as a, I don't know, whatever a person who made movies, searching, searching, searching, searching, always searching, somebody is going to going to give me the solution. Somebody's going to tell me what's, you know, what's wrong with me? And they're going to fix me somebody else, right? Somebody out there somebody in the outside? Totally intil till. I mean, it was a long process. And this isn't the isn't the aha moment in a big way. And yet, it'll, it'll sound like it was because it was a catalyst. I went and I met with His Holiness, the Dalai Lama. And I know that there's a lot of controversy right now about men. I don't know anything about that. But I do know that my experience with him was really profound. It was it was 1520 years ago. And if anyway, to make a long, a very long story short, he, he came, and we were in India, we are meeting with him and people were asking him, you know, political questions and things. And really, I was just sitting there listening and kind of excited to be in the presence of a spiritual, very spiritual man. And again, I don't I make no judgment or know anything about what's going on now. But I know that, you know, he's a profound, a profound man. Anyway, we're about to get up and it's over. And I've been listening to him. And periodically he would look over at smile at me and I would look back and kind of smile and giggle because I was and we're about to leave and he placed his hand on my hand, and he looked me in the eye and he said, You're okay. And I was like, Holy crap. I am okay. Right. It was that moment. Was that? It? I guess it was, it was the beginning of a relaunch, right? It was a beginning of an understanding that I am okay. And then I realized over several years after that time, that I'm okay. applies to everybody. Everybody's okay. Right. Everybody's not broken. Everybody's not their worst self. They just haven't found the way to get to their best self. It's like working with you and this, you know, the H, what do you call it three h care, three HQ doing that you find what already exists inside you, this is not new, it's not new to your soul to your unconscious mind. It's just maybe new to your habitual daily life, right? And then you make it habitual make it you make it part of your everyday you make it part of your blood, right? So I realized that kind of part of my mission was to just go out there and say, Hey, everybody, it's okay to get help. But you're already okay. You're already beautiful, you're already loved, you already have a great body, you've already got everything you think you're searching for is in you. Now, let's help you find the way to get there. And that's kind of what I feel. My journey has been about I'm I'm always like, how do I get to be a better version of myself. And that's my first book was called Finding my balance. And, and that's kind of what I think about every day, I'm always finding my balance every day is a journey of Yeah. How do I feel?

So when I think about, you know, and as you said, the three HQ, it's, you know, the head, heart, higher self. And I always look at herself, that best version of you. And we think of it as you have this wise woman inside you. And she's trying to talk to you. But we're not letting the that that we can't hear what she's having to say, because we're so tuned out. And, you know, I love the Dalai Lama is saying to you, you know, you're okay. And for so many of us, we're searching for somebody to tell us, you're okay. But why is it in your, in your mind? In your understanding? Why is it so freakin hard? To let yourself know that you know what you are? Okay, exactly where you are doing exactly what you're doing?

You know, I think it's, you know, I think it's hard because we live in a society that demands that we're performing all the time. And we and I think we are brought up I don't know. I don't know about you. But I grew up in a generation that defined themselves by how other people thought of you. I mean, especially I was in the movie industry and modeling. And it was always about what I look like I, you know, I didn't approve of myself unless somebody like hoards of other people approve of me. And it wasn't until I went, Wow, I get me, I actually love me, I couldn't have said that 20 years, 25 years ago, it just, it couldn't have happened that it was too scary, right? It was too scary to say that it felt wrong. And I was brought up to believe that that was almost like an arrogant way to be and I was so scared, I'd be arrogant, or, you know, whatever it is, I think. I think trauma from our childhood prevents us from allowing ourselves to say, Hey, I am okay. And I am I am the orchestrator of of my show, right? I get to, I get to guide this ship. And I don't think we're given permission. And I just want to tell everybody, you've all got permission to live your best life. Right?

Everybody here that right now. Doesn't have to say it. Nobody else needs to say it. We just heard it. Marielle says you are okay. You can live your best life, you can live what you're supposed to. And you said something really interesting about childhood. And we're pretty much you know, you and I are you know, very similar in our age and what we're trying to do and how we're trying to impact people. And I do think it is truly so valuable that when people hear this idea of like things happen in our childhood, right? You had childhood trauma that happened to you that you have been, you know, sorting through your whole life. I had a very successful orthopedic surgeon dad, who was very much number one love was his profession. And so I was always searching for like, Hey, I'm over here, like, you know, and I'll never forget, he said, um, he said probably about maybe when I was in my early 20s, he said, Wow, you were you know, in God love my dad. He just says it as he he hears it in his own head, he said You were really an ugly duckling. And now you've really, you've you've kind of turned into this swan and I'm like, Ah, yeah, thanks. You know, and I remember this because my brother and I just got together. And I said, you know, he was kind of commenting about, you know, the non existent parent and how he's really trying to do the opposite of that, and how I really took my kids and I thought, that was really insightful. What I remembered about my childhood, and how I was just yearning, I just wanted approval. And I know you had childhood trauma. I know that your mom ended up getting very ill. And you said in interviews, and I did you know, I watched that running from crazy and how you said you you spent most of those formative years as a caregiver. So what are you like when you think about that time, and you also said in the, in that wonderful documentary, you talk about, that you even looked at your kids outside playing, and you're almost jealous of that free spirit that they had. Help us understand how you have been able to deal with some of those, those traumas that are very impactful, and it still allowed yourself to have relaunches and have generational relaunches with your kids.

Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Yeah, it that was, it was a that was a turning point, that was probably a big turning point in my life is that I think not so much when I was seeing it. But when I realized that that's how I felt, right? feeling jealous of your toddlers, or your three or four year old, five year old, six year old kids who are out there giggling and playing. And I didn't know how to do that. I hadn't done that as a kid really that often. Because I felt, and this is not all poor Marielle none of that I this was my family, I love them. So I decided that I was going to fix them. At seven years old, I made this choice, I'm going to be the fixer, I'll like clean up messes and drunken nights and broken glass and blood on the walls. I'll fix it, I'll clean it up. And then we'll have we have a chance to be better, healthier, and happier. But what it did is, you know, and I'm sure there's so many of your, of your people in your tribe who will relate to this, you know, it's it's, it's that thing where you, your childhood kind of gets, it gets, you know, stopped in a way you become an adult far too soon. And you know, I just had a grandchild, like, literally a month ago.

Congratulations.

I know, it's super cool. And, and I think about how, you know, I keep sending my daughter things about just play just have to, you know, like, I want to know, you know, I mean, she knows, she knows that. There were times in her childhood where I was trying to organize things and make things right and perfect. And this and that, and the food. And, you know, when I had two daughters, each one got four grapes. And, you know, so there was no, but it was like I wasn't when it came down to like go outside and just hang out and play and play on the swing. I was looking at my watch, wondering like, how much longer is this? Not because I didn't love them. And because I didn't enjoy their joy. I didn't know how to partake in that. I didn't know how to participate. It was so sad. So cut to I have a wonderful life partner, Bobby. And we've been together now, like 14 years. And I remember when I first like when we're first going I think we'd been going out maybe two, maybe three months. And one day he's like, let's play hide and seek and I was like

That's so great.

And I also have to say that were he he was negative than I was and first of all insanely embarrassed. I was like so I think I've my entire body went like red and and he was like, I was like, you know, like it just felt like I had no control over how I was going to look in awkward positions.

It was just for him. He was amazing. I

mean, is that he goes oh yeah, you can so off. He went and he hid right. And I'm like, you know, like I'm embarrassed. I'm like, Oh my god. This is

so good.

Literally taught me how to play. And now we play red light, green light. You know, we do things on the beach, we laugh every day, we have a belly laugh that is, you know, you think that we were certainly not 60 years old, right? We would not think that we laugh all the time, we're always, if we go to a restaurant, you know, the proprietors will often come over and you keep it down, and we'll just the two of us and like, we're playing games, it's crazy. But that play that play that I did. In other words, that saying you're never too old to relive your childhood, or whatever it is, it's true. You get this is just a choice. We just decided we're adults, we just decided that we were getting towards senior citizens. I don't even know what that means. But I like it. That's not gonna happen. I mean, when we're 105 It's just never gonna happen. Because because we've made the choice that life is all about, you're never, you never stop growing. So getting back to your original question about re launch. I honestly feel like this is the beginning of my life. Our lives are

I just got chills for you. It's so good. Because too many people are so serious that they can't laugh at themselves. They can't laugh in situations. I mean, you know, when I start working with people, and I can very quickly give them like a one to 10 on the serious meter, right? That 10 is like, whoa, and the first thing I asked them to do, I'll be like, okay, belly laugh. When was the last time you actually had a belly laugh? And people? You know, I go from there. And they're like, Well, I don't know, haven't really had a belly laugh in a while be like, the last time you just laughed, like, oh, we need to start back at the basics. Like, let's just go back in time. And I really like the idea of you said, Bobby, Bobby brings that out my husband II, he does the same for me. When my mom passed. I felt like my my other half my laughing my joy, my, the fun element, we had more belly laughs together than I've had with any one else ever. And so I said to my husband, I said, you know, you just don't, you're not you don't you don't enjoy life as much as my mom. And he said, Oh, really? Is that a challenge? Because I'm gonna take you there. And since then, I mean, it's been like, you challenge someone to enjoy life more. You challenge on like, where's your belly laugh? Like, you know, Matthew McConaughey says, You got to exercise every single day, right? You got to have a sweat. I see. You got to have a laugh. You gotta laugh. It's the best therapy and I know, you're, you're all about mental wellness. And, God, how important do you think that is? And why do you think we become so frickin serious?

Well, you know, we do live in a world that wants you to believe that it's all like, you know, tomorrow, it's all gonna be over. And you know, this and that, you know, like, cover yourself up because God knows what's happening. And for me, it's just like, No, I'm not going to. And that's not a that's not saying I it's not political. It's not a belief. It's just like, I refuse to allow the outside society or, or maybe it's even corporate society to determine how I'm going to lead my life. And, and for me, leading my life is just, it is about, you know, laughter every day. I mean, I believe Matthew McConaughey. You know, I think you do have to exercise every day. But why shouldn't you move and laugh while you're doing it too? Like, why shouldn't it all kind of work in harmony, our food works with our movement or, you know, water, you know, watching the sunrise, but laughter is always is kind of an underlying Gosh, it's, it almost should be like drinking water and like, eating good food. It shouldn't be one of those things that you just that are required for your good health. You know, I had

I had a retreat once. And I said, we're going to do literally what some call laugh therapy. I said, I'm going to point it to this gal. I said, you're going to start you're gonna laugh. She's like, Oh, no, I'll go, can I go? Can I go like fifth? I'm like, No, you can't you have to go first. And I said in you don't stop laughing. Until literally I had this thing in my hand until I put it down. And then you're gonna look at somebody, and then that person is going to laugh. And then the next I am telling you, you've never seen so many women, like, you know, when people are like, I can't keep laughing This way, because I'm too old for this right now. I've had kids I've had, you know, I'm like, we were all we just started laughing at the silliest things. And it was such like, afterwards people are like, I've never felt so freeing. So maybe that's it, maybe it's, you know, fine.

You know, when you look at a child, it's the same thing. It's that it's that it's that freedom, right? I saw a tick, not Han, quote yesterday. And it's like, you should love someone so much, that they feel free from your love, right? It's their love freeze you, you should feel freedom. And it's so good. I just really ruined that quote, but.

But the point is, is that you know, what I talked about, we talked about this, and it's like, find, find what makes you smile and laugh like God, maybe that's the full like finding your purpose and like finding your passion,

my God. And I think that I mean, I think that that's what happens when you're doing what you love. Laughter comes very easily smiles come very easy, Joy bubbles up, because you're actually in that place where you're supposed to be and joy and laughter and fun and play. All of that is really in tune with how we're how we're meant to be, I really believe we come into onto the planet, I mean, seeing this granddaughter, and the purity and the and the the innocence and the freedom of this being who is who has yet to be influenced by society told she can't do this or that or the other thing. We are all we all came in the same way. Right? We came in her and full of love and, and no expectation of anything but to be loved in return. Right? We love we love in return. And I think getting if our intention is to get back to that pure the purest place in ourselves. Oh my gosh, what I mean, that's it, that is healing in itself. That's powerful, too. It's so powerful when you're, when you're there. What can't you do? If you're feeling joy about something? You can't, you know, it's not like, Oh, you feel fear and serious about it. Because when you're serious, it's like, things get hard. When you're joyful, things are softer. And so the fluidity of that moves into your ability to do things to do something that you might not have thought of, but if you feeling joy, you go, Look, I'll give that a try. It doesn't seem because you're not in that holding place, that fearful place, that place of what I wanted to, you know, whatever nonsense we tell ourselves. You know, I've had some, you know, memory Yeah. voices in the back of my head that we're not kind of, you know, overly well. And

when we think about and your your story with, you know, I think you describe it, as you know, there's seven suicides in your past and you had a very famous grandfather, Ernest Hemingway. And he passed, took his life a few months before you were born. And yet you have been able to rewrite your childhood. Right? You've been able to go back and explain how you have done that. How have you come to terms I've had a couple of suicides in our life we've had massively like crazy, I mean, even like, train crash, plane crash, elevator crash, like people are just like, I'm like this. I know, I'm like Queen of the relaunches, but enough is enough, like, you know, come on, we gotta like, you know, Timeout, timeout here. But what about you what, what has allowed you to go back now, as as you said, you know, you're early 60s, and you're, you're trying to create your, your childhood, again, as an adult woman, and be able to reconcile what happened? How have you been able to do that?

Well, you know, I think that it's through not doing it for so many years. And seeing the contrast of that, right. So many years, I was so afraid I would end up like my family, like, oh my gosh, this must be like a virus. I wonder when I'll catch it is one day I'm gonna wake up and I'm crazy. And my kids won't know who I am. Because I'm acting like whatever, whatever. Right in the background, whatever fear that I had. I mean, there were seven suicides in my family. They grant not only my grandfather, but his His father, my grandmother's father, a great uncle, a great aunt, an uncle and my own sister, right? So all these suicides, all this mental illness. So I kept thinking, oh man, I am walking, I gotta be careful these this is I live in a minefield. And I've got to just walk gently and carefully. Well in your

family was so famous that you are almost saying it's like the Kennedy curse, like, ah, ya know, who's next? Like that whole weighing so heavy on Yeah,

well, what I did is I really, I dug into what my history and my story was like, what where do I come from? It's why I did the documentary. Ernest Hemingway, this person, that person, my sister, all these people. And I started to see the links to alcohol, right? Alcoholism, that people drank too much. They did drugs, they did things because they were trying to get out of pain. I completely understand that. And then I realized, wait a second, I don't I don't do any of that. I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I you know, like, Bobby says, I drink coffee. And that's really horrible. I said, Dude, I do one thing.

Give me a break. Can I just do one? All right. Yes, I You're okay.

Yeah, it's just the good news, he can save up to that. And I'm like, whatever. You know, like, I know, I also know how I work. I know, the food that I eat, that creates balance. I mean, every aspect of my life is that is designed to keep me in a place where you know, because I've suffered depression, I know what it's like to be in the dark night of the soul, I know what that feels like. And not everybody's gonna have my solution. But I know what my solution is, right. And I want everybody to find their solution. But it's up to you. And the first part of that journey is taking responsibility for it, taking responsibility for your own life, and everything that has gone wacko in your life, you probably have some something that you need to take responsibility for in making it so right things don't happen to you. They happen because somehow an unconscious part of your brain, it was allowed, and it and that's not a that's not a shaming, that's just the way that we are as human beings, we, you know, we do things to survive. But sometimes those survival skills are, you know, we victimize ourselves, we become martyr, whatever it is that I'm obviously talking about. But

totally got that. Let me let me ask you this question. If you were me right now. And I was trying to get out like, what? Where do you feel like you've been misunderstood? What would be the question that I would be asking you?

You know, that's so funny that you say that because I am sure. I am sure I'm highly misunderstood at some level. I don't know. But there was a time in my life where being misunderstood would have upset I would have been obsessed with that. I would have been frightened of it. Obsessed. I wanted everybody to like me. I'm not saying that I'm not. I'm not kind of, I don't still want people. I mean, every I think every human wants to be liked, but I less worry about that. So I don't I don't really care if I'm misunderstood. At some level. I'm like, Look, I'm 61 If you don't understand me, then you don't have to spend time with me. i My life's and intention is to be really good at what I do and and have it benefit the world. But not from an ego to I don't think from the egotistical place. Unless I'm fooling myself. I really do believe that, that I'm that that part of my mission is just to help people to know that they're okay. Right, and that they're fine. And that they they have every ability to be in balance to be enjoy the way that I am. Because there was a time in my life that I never thought that that was me. Right. And that wasn't me feeling sorry for myself. I actually thought that people were lying to you that were happy. I was like, yeah, that happy. They're not well, you know,

I heard you say that. One of the greatest things that ever happened was the night or day before your mom passed. She said, you're really good mom. That was that really super impactful? Yeah. Validation.

Yeah, it was because, you know, my girl, my daughter, my oldest daughter, who just had a baby 35. So it was 35 years ago that, you know, she, my daughter was eight months old. And my mother was a tough cookie, she was not a nice, I loved her to the moon and back. And she was, she was not easy. And she was very hard to please just grumpy was the time she suffered so much of her life, you know, she had cancer and all that stuff, you know, and her story is what it is. And she was another generation that's going to look into their stuff and figure it out and kind of come to terms with it. But the but she did say that before she died. And there's something about that there's something about death and rebirth, you know, it was that kind of exchange. And it was very interesting, because my daughter, at went right after she died for every morning, at the very time that my mother had passed, she would wake up and she would cry for a little bit. It was exactly the same time for like, 10 days. And it was like my mother kind of saying that she was there. And you know, she, I don't know, maybe, you know, whatever. But there's been this amazing understanding, and it's a forgiveness that happens in you. You know, my mother did her best. My father did his best, you know, they, they didn't have the tools that we have, you know, we we are so fortunate to live in the time that we do. Yes, it's crazy. Yes, there's a lot of crap. But there's also people like you helping people to get to their best selves. You know, there's so many great things out there, we have the opportunity to like really expand into this new world we're coming into and guile only knows what that's gonna look like. I mean, my gosh,

so true.

Zoom with me today.

Well, listen, I know that I mean, this has gone so fast, and they're probably 24 more questions. 24 June, like I said, 2424 more questions on my list. But at this point, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here on the relaunch podcast. And as we're wrapping it up, what what words of advice as a woman sitting out there listening right now? Would you share to get them with their own relaunches and many are having very very significant ones. What would you what would you say to them?

I guess I would just say Don't lose faith in your in yourself. And know that the messages that your intuition are giving you are really right on for you. Right and really trust that your voice knows what's right for you. I would say that oh,

no doubt your voice knows what's right. For you. So good. Thank you again, it was so wonderful having you here where can people find out more follow you what what's going on with you right now?

Well, my goodness, um, we I had pretty much newly launched a podcast of my own called outcomes, the sun outcomes the sun podcast, which is like the name of my book, which is Out came the sun. That's wonderful. We're also on radio stations. We're kind of being syndicated on radio stations around the world, which is super exciting. Because get this like I've been an actress no live and I've always wanted to be, I don't know like anyway, that's my dream. It's my dream coming true. You can also see me on, you know, at Mariel Hemingway Instagram at Mariel Hemingway official fan page. And also I have a foundation for mental health called the Mariel Hemingway foundation.org. And if you have any interest in helping me create a Resource Navigator so that people can find the help that they need, whether it's holistic or psychiatric or you know medicinal whatever it is, I want to be able to direct people around this country to the right facilities you know, it's not about me it's about me helping you to find what you need.

So powerful thank you again and and for everyone listening out there. If you're finding what we're talking about, it's resonating. You want to hear more of relaunched journeys, make sure that you subscribe. And also if you're trying to figure out where are you operating from in that three HQ. To model the head, the heart, the higher self, head on over to the relaunch.com. Take the quiz. It's a great starting point. Are you listening to the voices inside that are trying to guide you that are trying to help you in this journey? So again, we look forward to the next time. We're all together. Again, Mariel. You're okay, this is so awesome. Thank you again for being here. And we'll see everyone again next time.