Living Without Urgency In A Busy World - Ipek Williamson

Welcome to The Ultimate Coach podcast conversations from being inspired by the book, The Ultimate Coach, written by Amy Hardison, and Alan Thompson. Join us each week with the intention of expanding your state of being. And your experience will be remarkable. Remember, this is a podcast about be. It is a podcast about you. To explore more deeply, visit The Ultimate Coach book.com. Now, enjoy today's conversation from Being

And welcome back. This is Philippe Bartu. And we're just delighted to be kicking off the season again, in September, a couple of new updates I want to announce. First of all, the podcast is going to be going every two weeks instead of every week. And we have a new host. And she is my guest today. Her name is Ipek Williamson. And she will be taking over the work of Cordelia who's been such an amazing host and colleague on this show. And I want to thank her and her wonderful contribution. And welcome, Ipek who will be our new host here on the ultimate coach podcast effect. Wonderful to have you here. Welcome.

Thank you. Thank you, Philippe. I'm so happy to be here with you today. And also, it's a big honor for me to take over from Cordelia big shoes to fill. I will try my best. And I really am looking forward to be working with you and Meredith. And it's an honor. Thank you.

I love that. Thank you. And you know, as you say, big shoes to fill, I feel flattered by that. But at the same time, I just want to say hey, there are no shoes to fill. Just bring your shoes and dance with us.

Yes, I love that.

So Ipek, I know that you have had some massive impact through reading the book and you're going to share some of some of those stories with us today. But before that I just want to start by for you just introduce yourself into this. For the people that don't know you, I'd love to for you to share a little bit about who you are, what you're up to, and how you connected with Steve.

So I was born in Turkey, Istanbul, then I moved to Canada. So I'm a Canadian and Turkish double citizenship. And also I'm a change champion, transformation coach, speaker, author and meditation advocate and teacher. So I am a coach. I love to work with people and create a sense of peace and flow in their lives. And how I got to contact connect with Steve Hardison and this whole the ultimate coach community beautiful community goes back to when I was taking my coaching training. I trained with John stressor, and he is a student of Steve Chandler's. Steve Chandler and Steve Hardison were names that we started to hear from the beginning. And, for example, the TBO li T NFL video was a part of our training. We watched that video, it was one of our homeworks and also during our training, there was challenge how many noes we can get the one who gets more nose for offering their coaching wins, like a gift or something. And I thought, push by offer my coaching and get a no. And I thought, Oh, I'm gonna offer to Steve Chandler and Steve Hardison. So I sent them through messenger, both of them a message to like, offer my coaching.

Do you remember what you what you offer? What was that message kind of how did you word that? I'm really curious.

Well, what I said was, I'm sure This might come to you as a surprise, and maybe it's, you might get offended. And I'm hope. I hope you don't. But this is a part of my course like training and I would really love to offer a session of coaching. My powerful coaching to you. And Steve Chandler said he would decline, unfortunately, because he's working one of the best coaches in the world who that would be Steve Hardison, obviously. And Steve Hardison, also, he said, he will, he loves the idea, but he will have to decline. But then he sent me like a few documents, he sent me a book. And Steve Chandler, later on, actually wrote a testimonial for my children's book, little foreigner is loved, safe and never alone, which sits proudly on the front cover of the book. So that was the starting on over connection with both of them. And then, when the ultimate coach book was about to be published, Steve Hardison made a post about it and said, do anybody wants to Manuscript of the Book? And, and I said, Yes, I would love to have that. So he sent that to me. And I joined the group right away as soon as it was launched. And the rest is history.

Wow. So you got this manuscript? Yes. And what happened? You started reading it, of course,

Right away. I read it, I think the manuscript didn't have the first two pages, the front of the book that they wrote, and also the back of the book, all the who would I need to be statements. They were not on the manuscript. But other than that, it was so beautiful I. And the first reading for me was mainly to learn about him. Like who he is, how he does what he does the miracle, miraculous coaching, that he does, it was to learn. But then, when the book came out, and I started to read and reread it many times, I started to read it, about me, not about him, but myself. And then the real transformation started to happen in my life.

I really love that. You just bring that up again. Because so many times, even going back to the book, or not reading about me, and the difference it makes the you read it for the first time, then you went back and you read it about you. What did you see in you?

First of all, I seen so many similarities. I'm a human. And like everyone else, I experienced lost lots of self doubt. Imposter syndrome, limiting beliefs, fear of failure, especially at the beginning of my practice, as a coach, but greater while my self awareness became the more self confident and articulate I started to feel about who I am, what I do and how I can help others. And shedding all the question marks about yourself knowing who you are and what you can do. how capable you are, is so liberating and reading the book and seeing all the stories that Amy Hardison tells about Steve and how while Narrable those stories get is so empowering for was for me, and I believe that it could be for anyone who reads it. Because he's really amazing at what he does. And still, he's not a saint. He had his ups and downs he had is his failures and mistakes. And because he's a human being too, so it was so empowered waiting for me to read and find out the similarities and watch the growth that brought to me.

I'm really reminded by what you're saying to me, it's like, I remember there was a moment exactly those words that you're saying, Oh, my God, this guy, he's just amazing. And that immediately became to, oh, my God, I'm amazing. And it was like, wow, like really, really, really seeing that was possible. For me, and for any human being is what's available in this book. And that really did something for me. And I know that did something for you, too. And I'm excited to unpack a bit more of that, and the sort of some, like, something really woke up in you. I know that. Yes. And I know, there are a few there are a few chapters in particular, where you really felt like a real shift in what's possible in your being and who you are. I'd love to hear about that.

Yeah, thank you, Philip, the chapters that had the most profound impact on me, which is interesting, every time I read the book, different chapters, get my attention. And even though I have been reading it, time and time and time again, I come up with parts that it feels as if I'm reading it for the first time, because I didn't notice it. So and what I believe is, every time we start to read a book, we are a different person. And when we complete it, we are another one. And then when we restart reading, we are starting from that level of consciousness and go forward. So that's why every time we read, we see new things, different things. And we recognize things that we didn't notice before. And the last time around, I read the book, the three chapters that had the most impact on me, were listening, creation, and a document. So they are three chapters, one after the other. And so because I know that, through our listening, we can see the thought pattern of the person in front of us. And then focus on each thought, dissect them, explore them, and see the real picture that lies underneath the words. Communication is much more than just words. So in the past, I was a mother, a wife and the wife who wanted to control everything I have. I have so many controller tendencies that I'm trying to control. And I'm working on. But in the past, I was even worse, and I was the real helicopter mom. And I wanted to have everything the way I like the way that is up to my standards. And while trying to do that. I was not listening at all. But telling my son, my stepsons, what, how when. So, I remember my son Ali, saying to me one day, not one day, multiple times. He would say Mom, you never listen. You just tried to share your opinion. Tell me what to do. You don't let me speak. You don't let me express myself. And I remember him saying this many times. Many times, I will lose your son. My son is now 27. Well, and

When was this happening at the time where you were reading about listening?

This was happening year after year after year and I always like listening to him. And I like when you hear something like this, and you see it as whining and dismiss it. But while reading the book, it dawned on me. Whatever I have been doing, how dismissive and absent I was being with my son with my husband, and I'm a coach. I know Listen to my clients with all my being. And I'm not giving the same to my most loved ones, I was so ashamed of myself. I felt like an awful mom awful wife. And I realized that I need to act on this, I need to fix this. So I had a heart to heart conversations and apologized for not being present with them. Yeah, and committed to shifting things. And not sure at the time if they believed me or not, but I committed to being my word and kept my promise. Again, something that came across so much in the book being your word and your commitment, especially for the things you promise to yourself. So when I started to be completely present with them, whenever they speak to me, how I watch their body language, their mimics the pauses, they take in between sentences, the conversations, and accordingly, our relationships started to change blown into much more vulnerable and deeper connections, I could start being more authentic with them, and they started to be the same. And that Philip, not only impacted positively my relationship with each one of our children and my husband, but also the relationship they have with each other. Like our family ties got stronger, as a whole. In that process. Also, I learned a lot about myself, my listening, changed so much that sometimes I feel the person who's sitting across from me, even if it's through the screen, through the zoom or whatever, so intensely that I don't need them to, for me to know what they are feeling or thinking. So words become just the confirmations of the communication that I receive non verbally. It's so amazing.

That's so beautiful, I'm so happy for you, and what's possible with your family. And it reminds me of a quote. And I also remember Steve saying, I may butcher it, but it's something like no success in the outer world can compensate for failure within the four walls of your home. And, to me the success and within the four walls of your home is like foundation. Alright, so what you're building on and, you know, for your family is a completely new way of being with each other. And, you know, and the word that's coming for me and something that I really, really crave for. And one of the reasons I love having these conversations is emotional intimacy. And it's on, how can I say this, I grew up in a family where emotional intimacy wasn't something that was present. And being able to create that, at such an even if it's a much later stage in your life is it's such a gift, because ultimately, it's an authentic way of relating with one another. I really want to acknowledge you for your willingness to kind of put aside the old ways of listening and your automatic ways of listening and to apologize and try on something new. And you know, the whole time you were saying that I was just curious, like, what is it in the chapter listening something? Something, you read something that shifted something for you? Do you remember what that was?

I would, I would have to go back to the book and take a look. But But while doing that, I want to say something to you, Philip. So I'm thinking about you and your son is how old your son right?

I'm gonna be turning one this year. Yeah, this was this month. I mean, yeah.

Yes. So now, this story that I shared with you, how wonderful it is that you are aware of this. Now when your son is only one year old, like my sons are 27 seven and 25. So you from start from the start. You can be that. Father who listens.

Yeah, even though it's just googoo. Gaga. Right now, but still, but still, you know, there's communication that's happening there. And, and you know, it's in the word communication. You know, I always thought about communication, as in how do I express myself? What's, how do I speak to make an impact. And a lot of the focus in communication was on speaking. And one of the things that I've discovered through through the book and through my own understanding of listening is one of the most under, we completely will I've completely underestimated the power of listening as a way to influence as a way to create as a way to understand. Yeah, make have real intimacy with in the conversations I have. So one of the things that I'm just really paying a lot more attention to is asking myself, What is the listening, I'm bringing to this conversation to this situation, rather than what is what do I need to say? How can I say it? How can I language that how can I, you know, that that would be typically the place I'd go to. And this has been just much more like, what's in the way of my listening for this conversation to be a little clunky. So it's allowed me to look in a direction. I wasn't even looking before I wasn't even aware of.

So I found the part that Oh, great. Yes. So in the book, Stephen potere, his neighbor says, Steve looks through your eyes to your soul. He's totally present in the moment. And Devon Vandusen says, I've never seen Steve in a rush. In my experience, it seems the only time that matters to that man. Is Iran now. So I mean, all this thing reading this and realizing that who am Who would I need to be the most effective parent and who's not listening properly, to her children, her husband, so

You know, something? Yes, I'm just seeing something and what you just shared was so beautiful, and how, like, my wife lives in slow motion, like literally, she's just never rushed. And so many times I get irritated and frustrated by that, because I have a tendency to be much more sort of fast. And, like, I confuse it with, you know, being efficient and productive. And every time I'm with her, she just slows me down. And over time, we're really living in the same pace. And we really live in a slower slow pace. You know, I get triggered by that still today. And us sharing that with me is just a reminder of what it really means to live in the here and now. And just how there's no you know, like, you can be really focused on something. And you can be really busy and rushed on something. And one of them just has that, right? That feeling of tension that rushed that busyness and that's just unnecessary.

I think it's so much about how impatient human beings are like your wife that I had. She's, uh, she's lucky and you are lucky to have her in your life to slow you down. Yes, because that's, that's my problem, too. That was my problem being so impatient. That's why you miss when your children or like people you take for granted, who are around you, you dismiss them because you are so impatient to go for the next thing, or for your work or whatever it is. Whatever calls you, you think, calling you and you dismiss them. You let them down. So it's so unfair and you It's, it's not acceptable, because they are the most important people in my life.

While you know, I think it's also just very human. I think like you say that, to me, it's a gift to be able to just slow down in that way. It's something I'm learning every day and something that I'm, you know, being reflected at every day. And I feel there are also times when I, I think it's acceptable, like, I don't I don't see it as acceptable or not acceptable. I think there's, I think it's just effective to slow down and it's ineffective to, like, try to do things in a rush, is I'm never at my best. That's what I know. Like when I when I just in the moment, just here now. Wow. That's just an ease to things. So I see it as as just something effective.

Yeah, I really like the way you are slowing me down right now.

Yeah, say more about that.

I don't know, I think you really have a magical touch I, you make me feel comfortable and easy to be vulnerable and easy to open up. So it's, it's beautiful. I'm feeling like, it's just you and I it's not a podcast. It's just,

I'm so happy you say that, you know, and it's like, all of a sudden, there's there's nowhere to go. There's nothing to say in order to be impressive. There's nothing like oh, what is what is a story? Or what is the distinction I can bring? Now that will sound good. It's just two people having an unconnected conversation. And that being enough. It's beautiful. Yeah.

And I want to go to from here, go to my document, and I want to share with you something that I came up with, about this listening part of it, about my husband. And in my document, I have a part where I says, where I say, I love him unconditionally, and listen to him with all my being. So that came from that chapter listening chapter.

And what does it mean to you, I listen to him with all my being.

When He speaks to me, I let everything go. They turn around to face him. Look into his eyes. And just be there and listen to him to whatever he has to say.

The image that's coming to me was a room in London, full of people queuing up, like everyone wanting to have the attention of Steve Hardison, I remember. And he was just speaking to one person. And he was so with that person, as if there was no one else in the room. And he allowed himself to finish that conversation in whatever amount of time it would take for really being complete while speaking to the next person not have any sense of urgency, whatsoever. That's what I'm hearing in, in what you're saying. Just like just being with that person. Like we would want a gift to be able to do that. Right?

Absolutely. I I think that's the best gift anyone can give to another, their full 100% attention and making them see and feel that.

It's like I am that time is eternal. That's who I am. I am eternal time.

So do you want me to tell you about the creation?

Yes. I want them. Yeah. So. So you said about listening. And then the next one was creation. So yeah, that's an exciting chapter.

Yes. In that chapter, you know, Gina Carlson's story. Very powerful story. Actually, I really loved the podcast episode where Meredith had Gina as her guest And I use one statement from that chapter with my clients all the time, which is speak it into the world and watch it happen. I've seen time and time again, many of them understand and implemented into their lives. One of them created a boyfriend, one of them a house, one got a promotion with the title she wanted to have, because she was saying that title, just like Gina did, the title that she wanted to have. So, and one was the one who created the boyfriend, then she broke up with her, him. And she was oh, okay, now I'll create another and better boyfriend. She was like, because I got this, I created one. Now I'm going to create another better one. And she did. So when we realize our power to create, that we are co creators of our lives and everything in it. And we can create over and over again. And fear disappears from our lives and attachments get smaller and smaller. Something

Can you can you just repeat that why you said word for word this this speak into the world? So can you just get Could you repeat that again?

Speak it into the world and watch it happen.

Yeah, there's something there, that I'm seeing, like really fresh here. When you speak it into the world and watch it happened. That's a way of being that's not a way that's not not something to do. Like speak it into the world and watch it happened. It doesn't mean I know it's going to happen. It means who I'm being is certainty that it's going to happen. Not because I know the outcome, but because who I'm being is certainty. Yeah, I think certainty. And this is this is again, like one of the things I remember reading this in the book, like Steve Hardison has pathological certainty. That's stuck with me so high. And I feel like when you can approach creation with certainty brings a whole different level of possibility. What are you speaking into the world?

Oh, wow. You know, what I'm speaking to the world is not something bigger, just an attainable or something that is difficult to create. Because I'm a simple person. Small things make me happy. What I speak into the world is just having as many people as I can help, to come my way so that I can help them see that life has so much to it than most people think it is, like, life life is so beautiful. And I see so many people going past like missing the beauty of it, and dealing with so many small things. And as Steve says, Everything is small at the end of the day, and they are they are unaware of their power of creating like, we all are creators. Something we need we create something is taking taken away from us, we create a newer, better one, my son, again, my son, my son lost his job during COVID. And he was like, oh my god, what am I gonna do now? And I was like, Yay, that's awesome. An opportunity to create a better job for you. And he was like, I used crazy mom. And that was exactly what happened. He was like, so fortunate to get a better job. And it all worked out perfectly. And because we can we have the capacity capability to create and so many people living without knowing the that power they already have within that.

That's a beautiful example. Thank you for sharing. Just really being present with that. It's a beautiful reminder for all of us. Thank you. Is there anything else you'd like to share around creation? Before we move to talking more about the document

No, I think the more people I can help with raising their awareness around their power of creation, the happier I will get. And that's what I'm telling our blood to the universe, for it to bring me more people who are willing to see that power, and use that power.

As beautiful as that seems. There's also something that feels a little off with that comment, which may I share that? Sure, yeah. It's kind of the idea that the more that this happens, the happier I'll be. What if, as a way of creating, this is the happiest, the happiest I can be. Now, here and now. And from being the happiest I can be, why can I overflow in that happiness? And serve more people?

I love it. I like that perspective. Better. Yes, you're right.

artist feels so beautiful to overflow, in your absolute delight and joy and happiness. What else would you like to share?

Well, the chapter of the document. When I first read the book, and that chapter, obviously, I wrote my I am statement. But I realized, later on that it was so superficial, kind of soulless. It felt like I wrote it, because it was what I needed to do, but it wasn't something authentic or anything.

I think I think many people can relate to that. So I love that you're sharing this.

And I wanted to work on it further. At the time, I did not understand what John were meant by saying in the book in that chapter, he says I didn't know how to access the thoughts beyond the surface that really run me. Because I was putting a positive thought on top of a negative one without moving the initial one. So as Steve states wonderfully in the book, it's like putting a crown on a tooth without getting rid of the underlying decay. And

Frosting on dogshit.

Yeah. Yes, same thing. Tomato tomahto.

Okay, got it. But

I was so fortunate to come across someone from our community, Kathleen put up. She's an amazing human being. And she really gets the process of creating the document. And she helped me go through my self forgiveness process. And I went through it with every every unhelpful thought I have. And it's a long process. But the healing and counteracting statements come to you so effortlessly. Like you channel yourself. Like you, you use your unhelpful thoughts and repeat them in a way that when you stop and sit in silence, the positive and counteracting statement, which becomes a statement, one statement of your document comes to you so easily. It's unbelievable. It's coming from my higher self.

Right? Right. So give us an example of some disempowering thoughts. Yeah, you shifted.

For example, let me give you an example from my document, and tell you what I came up for. For example, I am self love, and I cherish myself, forgive myself and recreate myself every day with joy and gratitude. For example, this one was to counteract the idea of sometimes I judge myself for not taking better care of me. And

what is like the command and you know, what's the voice in your head that you that you would hear Are you if you if I would go in your head, what will be the voice I would hear? Yeah,

my, the voice in my head says, You're not worthy. You're not taking good care of yourself, you're you are doing things. Not the best way you can, or like minimizing or belittling or telling myself that you're not good enough. You You made a mess you what you did was not good enough, nowhere near good enough. All kinds of judging and belittling voices in my head. Right?

So you got present with us? Yes, like really?

Yeah. And she she has like she shared with me a process that I went through and for each and every negative thought. And it was so power empowering. And like the one I'm the one whom everyone desires to engage with. That was to contract for? Who would want to? Have you pin in their event? Or who would want to have you

see you your voice is very gentle. My voice would be like, you know, the fuck do you think you are going in this place? would be more like, you arrogant bastard. Or you're stupid? Or you're that's that? And so? Yeah, like, getting present with that, you know, like, Who would want to talk to you? That's what I'm hearing, right? Who would want to talk to here? And then, so for people listening to this, it's like, okay, so who would want to talk to you and so you're getting present to the pain of that getting present to how that creates a really disempowering context and looking at, you know, the kind of doing that gets created from that way of being? Yes. When, when who you are, is that is that thought, right? And then opening up to your higher self, and saying, Well, who do I need to be?

Yes. You're going through the self forgiveness process? Because you get these negative thoughts. These aren't actually Katelyn didn't like the word negative. She was an unhelpful or something

useful thinking.

It's full. Yes. Something.

Yeah, yeah, that's just unuseful. And useful.

Forgive yourself for having those thoughts about yourself or about other people. Like, if, if let's say you, you find yourself judging other people, oh, look at that person, how? How, I don't know, ugly, or like any kind of judgment, then you forgive yourself for feeling or thinking that and then you can interact with a so compassionate statement for others, like anyone, anyone coming my way, is the most wonderful soul and most beautiful soul that deserves love and compassion. See? So it's a beautiful process. Very, very helpful, very nurturing and very filled with self love and self compassion, self forgiveness.

Would you be willing to share a little bit more on some of the what you connected with your higher self and then your document? Share a little bit more about your document with us?

Sure. Actually, I went ahead and created a video of it. And actually shared that in the ultimate coach, group, Facebook group. Because I wanted it to be motivation may be for others, to take their documents more seriously. Because that's the part of creation, creating ourselves recall ourselves every day. And what I do is I also record documents for many people in our community. They come to me with their documents and And I record them in a meditation, like, kind of setting. And and I changed them, turn them into you are this you are that instead of I am

right coming from your voice Exactly. So, so here's here's what I'd like to do right now just as we are completing this beautiful episode together, I'd like to invite you just to complete by sharing your document. And before you do that, I would like to get more first of all, are you are you called to do that? Is that? Is that okay?

Well, yeah, sure, I would love

and. And before you do that, I would just like to ask you, how can people connect with you if they've heard something and they want to listen to some of your meditations and learn more about what you value and what you're up to what's the best way for them to get in touch with you.

Thank you, they can get in touch with me through our ultimate coach group Facebook group. And also, of course, I have my website epic Williamson coaching that calm. And I'm very active on social media, through any social media platform, they can send me direct messages. But also, I'm a meditation teacher with the Insight Timer platform. If any of the people listening to this podcast are meditators, please come and enjoy my meditations on Insight Timer. I also do live meditation sessions twice a week, and they are all free of charge. So I would love to have as many people as possible with me.

That's a beautiful invitation. Thank you for extending that, Deepak. I invite you to share your document with us. Once you've completed, I'm going to end this conversation. So I thank you now and we will land in silence. And I invite everyone to just be with your document for a moment, the way I'm going to do. Thank you.

I am divine vision, connected to the spirit of all creation. I am the fearless, graceful and authentic expression of myself. I am abundance itself and I abundantly and effortlessly receive whatever I need, whenever I need it. I am the most loving, caring, supportive and deeply connected wife to my extraordinary husband Craig. I love him unconditionally. And listen to him with all my being. I am the kindest, most understanding and loving mother to my amazing children, calm Ali and Connor. I am the embodiment of the infinite source, the universe, divine intelligence and boundless energy. I am remarkable, light filled and attractive. I am physically and mentally pure, healthy, fit and filled with positive energy. Because I always prioritize the well being of my body, mind and spirit. I am the clear stream that runs incessantly with love, awareness and acceptance. I am infinite patience. I am equanimous and peaceful like a monk in Himalayas. I am the one who doesn't practice judgment and who only practices love. I am self love and I cherish myself, forgive myself and recreate myself every day with joy and gratitude. I am the one who everyone desires to engage with. I am bold, playful and determined. I am the one who embraces challenges and grows with from and through them. I am the expression of pure love, and compassion. I am the magnificent transformation coach who inspires and encourages others to recognize and embrace their own greatness. I am a creative force, and I see possibilities. Seize opportunities, and notice resources that generate abundance for myself, my loved ones, and my clients. I am a powerful magnet for wealth in every possible meaning that I joyfully receive and generously share. I am aligned with everything good, loving, and prosperous. I am fully aware of my gifts that I appreciate, nurture, and develop constantly to bless the world. I am the one who continuously attracts serendipities happy coincidences, amazing people and opportunities in a way that everything unfolds harmoniously. I am in love with myself every single day, in every single way. I am my word and my commitment. I am exceptional discernment. I am the best decision maker. And all my decisions unfold in miraculous ways benefiting myself, my loved ones, and everyone involved. I am blessed, supported, and surrounded by angels, guides and allies, friends, and the generous community where everyone guides and protects one another. I am forgiveness for myself and for everyone else, as no one deserves my judgment and everyone deserves my love and compassion. I am a powerful communicator and I express my thoughts vividly, logically and succinctly while being guided by the power of the universe. I am worthy of and receiving constantly infinity love. Truth is, I am that light is I am that love is I am that. And my parents named me and my EP