Core Childhood Wounds – Healing Them Through TIBI

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Welcome to Think It Be It the podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield.

Hey and I'm John Michell. So Kelly, the topic today is childhood wehrens and healing them through gibi. Thanks. So do you have any childhood wounds?

Of course, I'm can Oh, I don't know how one goes through this world unscathed. And not having some childhood wounds? Yeah, I'm sorry. So FYI, your knee? Absolutely I do.

Well, you know, where this sort of came from is, and I've, we probably discuss this on a prior episode. But I took my entire family to Sedona for a week, and we went to a marriage seminar. And where this comes from is, is you know, I'm totally into personal growth, and I'm setting up endowment to provide personal growth for my three grandkids, when they hit 23, I'm going to pay to allow them 10,000 hours a year in today's dollars to go to any sort of personal growth thing they want to go to, and pay 10,000 hours each year for each one of them. And so, because I want to give them that gift of personal growth, but you know, their parents, the 30 year olds, you know, Hannah, and Charlie, her husband, they are clueless about personal growth, as I was too. So I got thrown on you, you are much more Aido enlightened than, than I was. But I remember in my 30s and 40s, I was too busy for personal growth. And so what a Yeah, what an animal enlightened thought that is. And so I bet I've figured out a system and, you know, in my 50s, and it was profound in its impact. And so I'm teaching a Hannah and Charlie about this. And so this is the first year we have done this, where we go somewhere, learn something, rent a nice house, and it was a spectacular success. And we were all changed. And so but one of the things they got into and I keep my this is, this is to improve our marriages. And the one of the things they got into is, what is your childhood wounds because inevitably, that wound plays out in your marriage, big time, in addition to your life, but primarily, like in your, your marriage. And so if you don't mind, share it, what is your childhood went?

You know, I think as you know, you know, I grew up in a household with drug addiction, you know, and I always, um, and so, just the, I think living in a household like that, that's so volatile. And, you know, watching an older brother who's six years older than me go through that, and what that how devastating that is for a family, and how devastating it continues to be, but what happens to the one who's, you know, kind of left behind, and, you know, whether you shrink and make yourself smaller, so that you don't cause any other issues to you know, or what, however you find your worth. So for me, that was through achievement, that was your making everybody happy. That was through, you know, so I'm very aware that growing up the way that I did is one of the reasons why I've strive why I achieve why. So I can see the benefit to it, but in the same breath, it also was that people pleaser like right, kind of putting myself off to the side just to like make everything better for everybody else and being the Peacekeeper and the you know, so that has been something that has continued to until I was started the thing could be a method where, you know, that was a big part of my life and will the different things that made things more challenging for me, were that people pleasing and that's where that came from was growing up in the household that I grew up in?

How would you describe the wound, though?

Not being seen,

Not explained that What do you mean by that?

I think it's when you live in a household that is has addiction, you the the individual who has the addiction is the center of attention? And I think so. And when the situation is volatile, you are hyper alert, you are always row, you are like, is this going to be a good day? Is this going to be a bad day? Like, how do I need to show up? And leads people so that it, you know, and so, so good day? Exactly. So the wound, I think is just not being not feeling seen or heard? Because where the attention was focused? And so I think that that probably would be, and I don't know if that's what you mean, if you're no, no deeper, but I think just not feeling seen or heard in the family.

So how does that How, how did that play out in your adult life?

I think in my adult life, it will playing out and again, for me too. And I don't know where I got this perspective from. But it was like, Alright, so this happened, you know, so how do I make the best of this, and this happened for me, I've got, I'm able to look at it that way. And I think, how has that affected my again, into achievement, like I was a striver, and what it did for me is I was like, there is no flippin way, I'm going to live like this, right? I'm not going to be with somebody that's like this, I'm not going to drink or do drugs myself, I see how it's destroyed people. So I don't drink at all, like, so there are the positives that come along with it. But I think how it's shown up in relationships, if we're talking about marriage, and that it's the same type of thing where it's like, that people pleasing, like putting your needs and wants aside to make sure that other people are taken care of, or, and then I think through that, it's easy to get resentful. You know, when you aren't, when your needs aren't being met, you're doing everything for everybody else, you know, so I see that that's one of the ways that it shown up, there are many others, I'm sure that I know for sure that that need to please, and meld into what people need me to be. Right? That so just that identity in my 20s and 30s. And figuring out like, No, you know, you've got to like live into yourself wholly and be okay with you, and not give a crap about what other people think of you, you know, or not think of you but want from you or expect from you that you need to live wholly within yourself and be okay with that and try and stop morphing to be what other people need you to be to make things happy.

And I assumed that, that when you started doing they could be at you dialed in some of in terms of what you put in there to overcome that wound? It would would that be a fair assessment?

Yeah, it would be and I had a couple of statements in there that were about standing in your own power. And that it's okay to say no, say no. Like, there were some specific things that were triggers for me for the people pleasing behavior, which were always saying yes. Which was great, you know, so there were some specific language I put into my thing could be a method that were specific triggers for the enabling and the because that's also there's a codependent there's an enabling thing that takes place in it with addiction. So figuring out what those triggers are, that triggers the people pleasing behavior and the behavior and putting those statements into my visualization was critical for me to be able to overcome that.

Right? Well, you know, for our for our audience, in your visualization, you do not want to say here's my childhood wound, because anytime you you would do that you're bringing energy to it, but you want to understand what the childhood wound is. And then figure out how you want to be that overcomes that. And you know, like for me when I was a kid, you know, I never really felt like my parents listened to me so I didn't feel heard. Now they were great. They gave me everything but not a lot of affection and not then feel heard. And you know, I definitely saw that play out. I guess when I got married. And you know if if i There were times when ginger sort of made me not feel heard like me she's out 1000 Great had reviews but you know, she's not a great listener. Well, when she was not a great list or boy that pints that button of not feeling heard big Time. And so, you know, I put it in my visualization. I mean, now, that is so solved, that is not in my visualization now. And that's another layer, maybe less than with the methodology is, is once you fix a problem, and then you can take it out of your visualization. And you know, it's interesting, I had this this slide that they get be it is like CRISPR for the soul. Think about this, you know what crispbreads, right? No, you don't know what CRISPR is? No? Well, this is fascinating. So CRISPR is a technology that can edit genes in humans, and the person that created it back in like 2017, won the Nobel Prize for it. And it is pretty amazing where, where they can go in and see where they're with genetic diseases, they can go in and see where the problem in the genetic genetic code is in and clip it out. And the baby, sometimes just clip it out. And sometimes they put other genetic code, but literally won the Nobel Prize, and it's completely cured. Basically, sickle cell anemia, and it's very close to curing leukemia, okay, and they're talking about, you know, potentially anything that's sort of an inherited disease, it applies to, but the analogy to think about it is that is crisper for the soul, you see something in you, that is you don't like, you just go in your visualization, and figure out how to fix it by the affirmation that you're giving yourself, and then you're good to go. Because, you know, after 21 days, yo, now you've reprogrammed the subconscious mind. But I didn't have any, that's, that's what I came up with on my, my vacation, you buy all that?

I do buy all of that. And I think, you know, it's interesting to draw, you know, connect the dots for people who listen to prior podcasts when we're talking about the subconscious mind, you know, and what that is made up of, is your childhood wounds, all the stories we tell ourselves these habits that don't necessarily serve us? I mean, they're like, you know, we always had the debate about why people don't even know we, we know this, and we're sharing this that why don't they do anything about it, and some of the, it's because you haven't addressed the childhood wounds are the thing from the past that is, you know, deeply entrenched in that subconscious and, you know, responsible for many of the behaviors and the actions that you're taking subconsciously without even realizing it, because you're on autopilot. So, you know, if you're, if you're used to sabotaging yourself, because you've lived in an environment of chaos. And so when things start to go, Well, you don't know how to handle that. So you sabotage sabotage it like this stuff's all he ended up happening under the neath the radar, your subconscious, and that's what we're talking about, too, when you're drawing that line, from what we're talking about to how your subconscious is not has does not naturally set you up for success.

Yeah, yeah, very true. You know, the other thing that's critical is false beliefs of people I have we got into this in the presentation in Sedona. And one of the things, you know, I think I told you a few months ago, I went to this, this event with one of our clients, Wade Elliott, who turned me on to this guy, David Baird, that that has his whole, you know, two day three day seminar on eliminating false beliefs. And I found it interesting, but I also felt like they missed the point of out of solvent, you know, because all they were doing was, you know, acknowledging at a conscious mind level, what the false belief is, which has to happen. But that's all it was. I'm like, Well, this, this will not work unless you seed it into the subconscious mind. You How, and it's always a two step process, the conscious mind has to figure out what is the false belief and what is the true belief. And then the second step is okay, now you got to, you know, put it in your visualization and integrate it into the subconscious mind. But it was interesting for me, because, and I don't want this to sound like bragging because it was really more instructive for me. But one of the first sessions I went on, the guy is and it's just me without ginger, and he has a list of I hate false beliefs. And he says, okay, scale of one to 10. Where are you on this? If if you're, if you've totally got the false belief, like, as an example, I'm not good enough. If that's you, then you're a one. And if you have none of that, you're a 10. We goes down all eight of them. I'm like, I'm at 10. I'm at 10. I'm a 10. I'm at Yeah. And, you know, I'm, I'm like, why would you live with false beliefs? I mean, that's my attitude is there's anything that I think is false wave, God, let's fix the damn thing. And so it did not surprise me. I mean, that's the same effect I had when I went to the seminar three months ago. Yeah, they said that the average person has like, 12 false beliefs. And I'm like, people, God Almighty, you know, and, you know, the process is not that hard to actually fix it, you know, in terms of identifying it, and seeing what the fix is. And so I see the combination with what we do is the fix, but I mean, my guess is that you have no false beliefs, where that'd be my assumption.

Not that I can think of off the top of my head, you could throw sunlight direction, and I would like, you know, but like, you know what I mean, but I'm so gross.

Well, you know, I do have a false belief that you have, why your belief that I'm not compassionate, loving you, I had to steal back at me, you know. So you need to get rid of that. Is Ready thing else?

Not that I can think of, you know, and I, and I think too, I'm always asking myself, though, and this is part of what I've trained myself to do. Through the work we do. We think it is. I asked myself, is this true?

Yeah, yeah. True. Yeah. Marrow full,

Always asking myself that question. To determine whether it's a false belief that I have, you know, we're run oftentimes by our emotions, you know, so it's like, you can sometimes let your emotions get the best of you and be thinking something that isn't actually true. You know, and so I'm always checking in with myself and saying, Yeah, is this Is that really true, though? Wow. And then if I'm like, Well, maybe I'm like, is it 100%? True? No, no. So I think that if you've got that mechanism in place for yourself, it's easy to catch maybe some of those false beliefs you have, because you're always asking yourself that important question.

Right? Well, you know, what are those things who was interesting, I go on this retreat for basically a week. And, you know, the, my book is written, the algorithm, the AI algorithm is basically done. And I'm like, Okay, I'm learning stuff I need to go in. And like one of the, as an example, with the algorithm, I'm gonna go in there and address, you know, false beliefs, and core wounds, because people have, I mean, I have core wounds, I may not have false beliefs, but most people do. And I think that the methodology has to address most people. And you know, I tell you something that that has really caught my attention, you know, so many of our listeners, now the magic 36, has sent me emails, and it is really hit me how the direction we originally took with thinking, be it around entrepreneurs certainly made sense at the time. But, you know, most people are not entrepreneurs, and I sort of love how now the book, and this podcast is evolving, to fully appreciate the people that aren't entrepreneurs. And, you know, one of the things that came up, I just today, when I got back, a guy named David Landis, sends me an email. And he says, I'm one of the magic 36. And he says, You know, I've been a firefighter for 30 years, and now he wants to become an entrepreneur. And so, you know, I'm thinking about that, and, and here would be my advice to anybody that, that wants to be an entrepreneur and figuring out what they should go do. You know, we're living in a time where there is rapid change in this world, and, and artificial intelligence is going to only accelerate it. And so I see that so many ideas are good ideas today and bad ideas tomorrow. And when I was in my 30s, and 40s, you know, I was in like, seven different businesses, and I could never find a great idea. I was doing the best idea that I had at the time. And then when I was 50, you know, as you may remember the story I go into Houston's restaurant and, and Dallas and sit down at the bar, and the guy says, Hey, I'm in the greatest business ever. And I go, What business is that? And he says it's a reverse mortgage business. And not to go fully in that story, but but she, I'm sure God was up there licking and going, God, I just give gotta give the poor Slava the the idea, you gotta figure it out on his own. I mean, I got he's, you know, he's had his sort of eons and 40s to figure it out, the guy can't figure out a damn thing. But I do see that, whatever you do, the idea has to be good. Like, as an example, in the employment, business insurance, the recruiting business, that's a good idea. It's well suited your skill set. And, you know, while technology will impact it, at the end of the day, you know, it takes a person like you and your team to do it. And so, in terms of the takeaway, I'd like to give our audience, here's something to think about. I've thought about this a lot, thinking about getting into real estate, in particular, residential, real estate, and idea that because I've had people come to me and want advice on when they ought to get into, I would get into, I would become a multifamily broker, where you're selling apartment complexes, because people always got to have a place to live. And, you know, homes are getting more and more expensive. And so that's a business where the impact of technology is going to be minimized. I think, the other thing I would suggest doing, and I've gotten turned on to this, and I'm thinking about doing it, although I got such a full plate, I'm not sure I want to do it. But this idea that you can buy a tract of land, like 100 acre tract of land and pay $20,000 an acre. And if you subdivided into 1010 acre tracts, you can sell those tracks at double the price at 40,000. And that's not, that's also a play on residential, in that there's so many people that just want their 10 acres of land, and they can go out and buy the 100 acres. And so I share those two, two ideas, just that that if you're want to become an entrepreneur, you don't know what to go into. Consider what I've said. Do you agree with that? Or what's your take on that?

Yeah, no, I think that, you know, I'm always for like using your talents and like kind of what's in your cupboard. You know, what I'm like, far as the gifts that you've been given, you know, where your strengths are, and utilizing those, and I think too, as far as real estate, anything having to do you know, with with real estate, to your point multifamily, you know, and land for the reasons you just mentioned, I mean, that's where we've made our money isn't making good deals on houses, having, you know, was making money through the main residences, we're living in turning that into the next thing. Right. So real estate's a great way out historically, always to build wealth, for sure.

Right, right. Well, as we wrap up today, I want to do something new that we may continue into the future is, you know, Napoleon Hill wrote, Think and Grow Rich, and he has a wealth of quotes. And I'm going to share with our audience every once awhile, what the modern interpretation of the quote ends. And so the what I picked today is, whatever the mind of man can conceive, and believe it can achieve, well, here's what that means today is you define exactly what you want to find specifically how you're going to get it. And then you feed it to yourself every day. And then after 21 days, the science of the subconscious mind kicks in. And it will cause you to take the right actions automatically without thinking. So that's, you know, his idea that what the mind can conceive and believes, a person can achieve. Well, that that is right. And that the reason that that works is you've got to see in detail what you want and how you're going to get it. And then once you know that's all conscious mind, then once you feed it to the subconscious mind and and influence the subconscious mind with repetition, then the right actions will create what you conceive. I mean, it's really pretty simple in it.

It is really simple. And when you break it down, you know what I love about this segment that you're thinking about integrating it on a regular basis is that I think that's one of the challenges with thinking grow rich, you know has been like understanding, you know exactly what it is that Napoleon Hill was saying and how to practically apply it in today's staining. I'm really excited about this segment, and I love where you're going with it.

Well, and, you know, full transparency to the magic 36. And to you, you know, this idea was given to me, I guess it was yesterday, I'm talking to the guy that is writing the foreword to my book, Jeffrey Gitomer. And Jeffrey is a big player, he's known as the king of sales. And I've known him for a long time, but we've gotten reconnected here in the last year or two. And he calls me, he tells me, he says, You know, I tell you, you ought to be the interpreter of Napoleon Hill, because he's got a bunch of clips and, and a lot, a lot of sayings. And he says, you know, what you ought to do is take some of those clips, turn your podcast into a YouTube podcast, which we're going to do, and just, you know, where you take a clap for 15 seconds of Napoleon Hill. And then I take 45 seconds to explain what it means and keep it short. So it's under a minute, and then post it to our I think it'd be a YouTube account or LinkedIn account. And he says, because everything is built around the algorithm, you know, they don't know who the heck John Mitchell is, but they they insure know who Napoleon Hill is. And if you're using his clip, the algorithm will explode it out to people. And so, I don't know, I'm like, that's a damn good idea. And so, and I think I do have the ability to take, you know, a comment by Napoleon Hill, and make it simple for the audience. So so I'm going to lean in to this with your help. So I love it.

No, that's one of your superpowers is making the conflict what feels complex, simple, so I'm excited to see that in action every night.

I'm working on some new superpowers, but I can't get into that. Hey, of course, this is G rated show.

On that note,

Yes, we better call it a show. So until next time, we'll see you.

Thanks for listening today. If you've had your own aha moment from today's episode, send me or John an email. We'd love to share your epiphany with our audience. So email us at kelly@thinkitbeit.com or John@thinkitbeit.com. In the meantime, live the exceptional life