EP61: U.G.L.Y. is Always Beautiful with Kelly Falardeau

This is winning with wellness, a podcast about inspiring the wellness warrior in you. If you are feeling lost or alone in your wellness journey, or are looking for new ideas and inspiration, you are in the right place, a place you can learn about all things wellness in business life and living. Your host Jenny Ryce, we'll be bringing you inspiring stories and practical tools to improve your overall wellness personally and professionally. Imagine what living a life of wellness would be like. Thank you for joining us today.

Hi, everyone, welcome back to winning with wellness where wellness meets inspiration. We're so excited to have you here. Kelly, you are with me. I am so thrilled to have you on the show. Welcome.

Hi, thank you for having me on the show. It's exciting to be here with you.

So I can't thank you listeners enough for being here and sharing your space and time with Kelly and I we are it's not lost on us that this show wouldn't be worth even recording if it wasn't for you guys. So thank you guys so much for being here. I want to share a little bit about Kelly before we get into our conversation. Kelly Filardo is a burn survivor since the age of two on 75% of her body, she found a way to go from near death to success from the ugly scarred face girl to the TEDx stage twice. Fierce Woman of the Year, a seven time International Best Selling Author, recipient of the Queen Elizabeth Diamond Jubilee metal and YMCA Women of Distinction. A documentary about her life story called still beautiful, launched on TV plus gold cast launched a video that has almost 10 million views. Now she's a full time Amazon Best Selling strategists. Thank you. We work with her in her strategy with best selling authors, coaching people to become best selling authors. So Kelly again, thanks for being here.

Oh, thank you for having me, Jenny. I just you know, I love the work you guys do. And so it's just an honor when you asked me to be on your show. Thank you. Oh,

I'm so excited. So, you know, let's dig in. I want to know what Mel wellness means for you.

Oh, my goodness, wellness. That is such a broad topic. Right? It is. It's like how do you nail it down? Just one or two things? Right. But, you know, I think I think wellness means when you're when you're doing what you love in your life. Right? You know, I know that for me, the time that I felt the best about myself is when I was living the life that I want to live. And you know, doing the things that I love to do. And that to me is wellness. Because when you're doing the things you love and you're passionate about, then it all just kind of flows. And, yeah, so to me, it's all about, you know, being happy with your life and doing the things you love that make you feel great.

Well, and you know, that really stems into when I read your bio, it sounds like your life at a young young age obviously started out with a very traumatic event. Like extremely traumatic, a traumatic event. And you and I've talked about this off the air. There's, there's gifts in those traumatic events, what what is the gift in your story?

Yeah, you know, absolutely right, like I went to when I got burnt them off to my body on the you know, on the family farm. And, you know, you could easily think that my life is very tragic. There's so many things that have happened to me, you know, not even just me getting burned. But you know, I've lost the baby. You know, when when I was 28 weeks pregnant. I got diagnosed with pre cancer at one point and I've been through my parents divorce, my own divorce and other so much stuff that I've had to to go through. But to me the gift in it, is that I can help other people that I have learned that, you know, me getting burnt as a two year old isn't really a tragedy. I mean, you guys all heard my bio. Right? Like, if not a tragedy

serious, serious accomplishments on that list for sure.

Exactly. And even being nominated for Entrepreneur of the Year for you know, your award ceremonies, right. I mean, all of that happened because I stepped into my power. And I stopped letting my tragic story um, Move, you know, I stopped letting it hold me back in life. And I think that's the big thing that a lot of people, they have something tragic happened to them. And then they think life is over. Right? Right. And I decided to see the gift and, and then move forward with it. And so to me, there's nothing more satisfying when I get text messages or emails from people. And one of my most beautiful stories is I was speaking to a group of teenagers, they were about 19 to 21 years old. And it was a four age group. And this young man text me, and he had his sunglasses on, and I allow people to text me when they when I speak. And so he said, Okay, so please don't acknowledge me. But I'm the one with the sunglasses on. I had to put them on because I'm crying now said, I've been wanting to commit suicide. But the girl standing beside me and your speak, is making me want to stay alive. Wow. And I was like, How can you not see that as a gift? If I hadn't have lived through and I lived through, I wouldn't have been able to inspire that young man to live.

Oh, I've got goose pimples from I don't know. Wow, you know, there is so much to take from what you've just shared. You could have taken any pathway you chose. And so could have that young man but the you know, you chose to be inspired by your situation, he chose to be inspired by you. And a young young woman within within his vicinity. So what, like, how did you overcome the challenges? There had to have been some let's be honest, you were burned as a child as a young infant. And society sometimes can be very unforgiving, shall we say? So I would guess there's been some overcoming of challenges in your life. How would you guide somebody or recommend or suggest like, what was your pathway? Well,

absolutely. I mean, I've been teased. I've been bullied, I've been shunned. You know, um, I've had, you know, tons of horrible things happen to me. You know, I in grade five, I was called the Scarface girl, I walked past my teacher's desk. And there was someone that drawn a picture with a circle with scribbles all over. And if that Scarface, and I was in grade five, so I was like, what, 11 years old? And so of course, I mean, I was devastated. I was devastated being called the Scarface girl. But how did I get over? I think that's such a hard question to answer. Because there's so many things that you need to do, right. And one of the first thing that you got to do is to quit taking everything personally. Like, we're so stuck in our heads, and we're so stuck, that we have to be perfect. And we have to be flawless. And we have to be, you know, super women. And we don't want to fail. Right? Because we don't want to be losers and stuff. And so for me, it was about, you just have to, like, let those things go. Right. And I know that a lot of times, that can be the hardest thing to do. I have to let them go. But I had to just like push it aside. I did that Damn, that's not me. Right. Other times, what I've had to do is listen to music. Yeah. Right. Like, I got certain songs that when I listened to those songs, they totally empower me. Right? Even with my divorce, this is this is something funny. So every time I would see my ex's name, whether it'd be a text message, or a phone call, or whatever, I would just get angry. And you know, you can feel it you just like, yeah, just seen his name would put me in that state. And I'm thinking, Okay, hang on. I'm a, I'm a speaker, I'm, I'm a business owner, I cannot be in that state. And it got to the point where I would turn my phone off. Before I went to go into a speaking gig, because if I saw his name, he would shift me and then I didn't always know how to shift myself back. Gotcha. And you got to be on your A game. Yeah. Right. Oh, yeah. So exactly. And so I changed his name on my phone, because I thought I can't be in the state. I have to be in a positive state at all times. Right? Well, not maybe not at all times. But most of the time, especially when I'm working right. So I changed her name. And I trained at the poor soul. Interesting, and yeah, and I still remember when the next time he texted me and it said poor soul. What if Porcel want I'm like, oh, yeah, poor soul. Right. That's my ex husband. Oh, yeah. What does he want? And I'm thinking, Ah, I was poor. So I want, right. And it was amazing how I was able to stay in that positive headset. So instead of me being triggered into anger, I was triggered into empathy. I love that it was one of these things that I had to do. I mean, now his name is his name, and his name doesn't trigger me anymore. But when we are going through my divorce are really triggered me. And I was like, I can't believe that just seeing his name is triggering me to that point. But that is definitely one of the ways that I got through it. Um, and I tell people to like, do you have somebody in your phone where you see their name? And it triggers do so change their name to that when you see them? It doesn't bother you so much. So. But yeah, I mean, there's, there's lots of ways, right? Definitely music, definitely changing people's names like that. Another thing that I did a lot of is I found a size, but I wanted my life to look like. Yes, so and I remember being a little girl, you know, in junior high. And if people were bullying me or whatever, then you know, I'd be sitting under the tree, and I would just be fantasizing about what I wanted my life to be, you know, and, and that really helped me too. And even now, I still do that where like, I don't live in my path, because a lot of people live in their path. And if you keep living in your path, it just holds you back. Yeah. So what do you want your life to look like? I love that.

And you know, what's so amazing about the couple of key things that you brought forward, the you know, the image of them writing a Scarface, that says way more about them than it did about you and to be able to, to remove yourself from that to not take that anger energy on is so powerful, because we take it personally, but really, it's about them. The irony of it all, it feels like it's directed to us because it's you know, quote about us. But in reality, that person is hurting so deeply to do something like that. So beautiful perspective from such a young, young soul. And then I love the shift of shifting the name. That's an exercise I do in different ways in my life. I am so good to do that. I'm trying to think right now, if there's somebody on my phone that triggers me, and I think I've gotten rid of all those people. I'm telling you, I will I will I I bet you there's more likely something in an email, and there'll be in my phone. But I love that what a great tip. And you know, just knowing to move through it. And, and I love that shifting that perspective is so amazing. So, you know, Kelly, obviously, you've had this incredible journey and experience. How did you get started as a speaker and an author?

Oh, my God, that's, that's a cool 32. So about 11 years ago? Yeah, I think is about 11 years ago. Do you know Tremayne? Hammond?

I don't think so the name is here, but it's I don't know that I know. So tell tell, elaborates.

She, well, her and I met at a woman's event. So this is when you know you could do in person networking, like actually

talk to a human in their face.

And so we were at a woman's event. And she was, you know how when you go to an event and you're like, I got to know that person? Yes. You just know, like Dr. person. So that's the timing was for me. So I saw her and I'm like, Oh, my God, I gotta go know her. So I talked to her. And so her and I were talking about what each other does. And at that time, I was still married. I had a scrapbooking business at the time. And so her and I were talking and she said, You know what, Cal, you need to start a business you're in and be a speaker. And I was like, what? I'm a burn survivors. So what? Right and she's like, No people will be so inspired by your story. Now, at that point in my life, I was in a toxic marriage. My business was bankrupt in us. I had a job too, because my husband had been laid off from his job. So he told me to step up to the plate. So I did I went and got a job. And here I am. She's telling me that I would be inspirational and I'm like, I don't get it. I don't see any inspiration. I see. Loserville that's what I saw. Right? Because we were like almost bankrupt, and my marriage was horrible. And you know, all these things were going on and I was like, There's no way right that I'm no break. No. And she said no. People will be inspired by your Sorry. So anyways, I go home that night and I said to my husband, I said, I'm going to be a speaker. And he said, Well, how are you going to do that? Right? And who's going to listen to you? Right? Because again, all he saw was the doom and gloom in our lives. Right? He didn't see that I was an inspiration, because he could just see that, you know, our marriage was failing, and we're almost bankrupt. And he didn't have a job. And he's thinking, What do you mean? Like, you're not Anthony Robbins, right? You're not Tony, or, you know, Oprah Winfrey. Like, you don't? What are you gonna speak about? So I, so although it was like, you know, kind of a jerk thing to say, I understand why you set up. Right. So, so,

right, his his condition, his perspective, his experience? Yeah.

Yeah. And he's saying that I don't see you being successful. So why would anybody want to listen to you? Oh, you're not successful. Right. And so I just thought to him, I don't know how I'm gonna do it, but it's gonna happen. Nice. And so I ended up going to another woman's event with that Tremayne had got her on it to be a speaker on and we did an Ellen so and she was she with the ln, and I was the guest. And I, I'll never forget this, because I she was asking me some questions and are talking about my dad passed away, and I was crying, and the audience was crying. And, and I'm looking around, you know, the stage. And I'm like, Why is everybody crying? Did somebody fall? Like what's going on? Right? And I heard that little voice in my head, say, they're crying about your story. And then I tell another story, and everybody's laughing. And, and again, I'm thinking, Why is everybody laughing? And I'm looking around on stage again, and I'm thinking, well, maybe somebody's got a clown nose around me or something. Right? Like what's going on? You know, and, and, and then I heard that voice again, they know they're, they're laughing at your story. It's funny. Right? And so then I ended up, like, going home that night, and I was like, Oh, my gosh, when do I get to do this again. And there it is. And the next day, I ended up, going back to that same event. And there was a lady, though, that was speaking. And her off offer was to teach people how to become, you know, keynote speakers. And so I found a way to, you know, I did well, I didn't really have the money to take it. She said, Well, that's okay. Well, I'll take payment. and I were like, okay, you know, and I'm freaking out, right? Because I'm thinking, well, the universe wants me to now be a speaker. And I had just told my husband, there's no way I was gonna, I didn't know how it was gonna happen. Right? And we were almost bankrupt. So yeah, so anyways, I did end up finally taking her course. And yeah, and then that was the start of my speaking career. And then six months later, she told me, you need to be an author. And that was when I wrote my first book.

So what's really powerful about that is showing, showing yourself nevermind that people are listening. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith. Sometimes you just have to trust that you're capable, and take their lessons along the way, and look where you are. Now.

Look what you've accomplished. I know it's crazy.

Well, and I mean, to circle back to your story, that moment saved a young man's life by you stepping in and not being afraid to take the plunge and put payments, you know, put payments on a speaking learning opportunity. You'd legitimate saved someone's life from that experience. Nevermind, I'm, I'm pretty confident you've increased your monetary and you've had some things go well, financially.

You know, and definitely, I mean, you know, what, it's like being an entrepreneur. I mean, its ups and downs and everything. Yeah. And, and, you know, that was really tough for me too, because, you know, being a keynote speaker, cause it's, you know, there's highs, there's lows, and there's times when you're not making enough money, and, you know, then it's all about shifting and figuring out, okay, what direction do I want to go in? And then when COVID had, I lost all my speaking gigs, and then when, at that time, I laid on the couch for a week. Okay, now what, what am I going to do? Right? I've got kids to feed and house and, you know, what am I going to do? And I was a single mom, and didn't have a man to support me and child support. I wasn't getting any more child support. And I was like, Okay, well, what naps? And that's when I decided, okay, I guess I'm gonna do this book thing. And that's when I went full time into coaching people to become best selling authors. And so my last two years, I've actually been my best years ever, honestly. Yeah. So so it's been great to, you know, get people to get their books written and all that. And I'm, yeah, it's fun. It's fun seeing people get their books done. And then become best selling authors and I have 100% success rate and getting people to the bestseller list and, and I get to work with wonderful people like you. I love it.

I know it's nothing but a laugh festival.

I know. It's amazing, we actually get work done. No,

I know we could easily get distracted. So you know, as our time comes to, to a close, Kelly, there are many people that are listening to your story. And they might be sitting there thinking it worked for Kelly, but it won't work for me. Do you have any suggestions that you would provide them?

Oh, my gosh, you know, I think a number of things come to mind. One is, you know, I remember when I was in a big, deep depression. And it was like, Okay, what am I going to do next? This was about probably seven or eight years ago. And I'll never forget, I was actually sitting on the end of my bed with my iPad. And I was Googling how to end my life. And I had three conditions. One was my kid couldn't be the one to find me. The second one was that had to be final and it had to be painless. And I couldn't come up with something. And I thought, What am I going to do? Right, what am I going to do? And so I decided I had to just take one step. One step forward, that was it. And it was interesting, because I you know, to make a long story short, I ended up meeting a woman that you know how it is you you take something and then it leads to something else. So yes, I took this course on how to write a book. And then from there, one of the coaching call, or one of the bonus gifts was a coaching call. So I had this free coaching call with a girl and she said, you know, cow, she said, Why don't you value yourself. And then liquidate mean value myself up, I value myself, right? Like my ego kicked in. And my ego is like, I of course I value myself, I am a speaker and I speaking to teens and women, and I help them move through their lives. And I value myself because now you said I think the reason you don't value yourself because you're not making the money you want to make no like, oh, like right here in my chat. Right there right to my corner, like, ah, like she was right, because I had set a goal to make a six figure income. And I wasn't making up. And I still hadn't made it. And I set the school three times. And it still didn't meet the goal. And she goes, you know, what call, don't call me back call, you know, I value it. I said, Okay, fine, what value? And I was thinking what is the value, and I got thinking about things. And I thought about how I reconnected a friend, with his mom and dad and grandparents. They thought he was dead. They hadn't seen him at 24 years. But he was an alcoholic. And they thought that he had just they told him don't come back until you're sober. They haven't seen him in 24 years. I reconnected them. Another guy, I coached him how to become a best selling author. And then he was helping people become best selling authors. And now all these people are writing books and becoming bestselling authors. And then I, I wrote down how my book is in Africa, teaching young teenagers about self esteem. And I thought I am the only one in my my siblings. That's not a millionaire. So I'm the oldest and I'm thinking hey, and they're looking after me. And I might know I should be looking after them. They shouldn't be looking after me. Right? And I'm thinking, oh my god, none of my siblings have a book in Africa that's been used to teach people about self esteem. So I wrote all these things down. And the next day I read it and I said, Who is this trick? I got to know her. Right, right. And I realized that when I got on my coaching call, my coach said to me, cow, I think you finally get it. Your value is not in how much money you make or don't make your value is in the acts of service. And the thing that you do can make a difference in someone's life. And so the reason I'm sharing this story with you is because a lot of times we feel like we're not valuable, because we're not making enough money. Right? And we compare ourselves to the people who are and we think we're not good enough. But we're probably doing things that most people aren't doing. Like I it really hit me that it's like oh my gosh, my my book is all the way over in Africa. And I've been to Africa twice, you know, seeing them use my book to teach people about self esteem like How incredible is that? And so, what I want you to understand is that we all have value and you Just what even when you're feeling like you don't want to get out of bed, just take one step forward, just do one thing towards your business or towards your passion. And that will help you to get through any sort of challenges that you're having. And the other thing is to get a good mentor, to get somebody who's in your industry to help you because they've already done it. And I know that that really helped me when I was first started out as a speaker and an author as I had people that that helped me that knew what to do. So

yeah, thank you so much Kelly, for imparting your experience and wisdom. I mean, oh my goodness. There is so many golden nuggets there. I encourage you guys not only to listen to this episode once, but more than once, because there's so many incredible perspectives to share from just your story. Thank you so much for your your honesty and your vulnerability and you know, just well for being amazingly you

know, thank you well, and thank you for all the great amazing work that you guys do i i love the work you do and I you know it just like we're all trying to make an impact and make a difference and people advice and that's exactly what you do. So thank you for that.

Well, thank you. I love what I do.

I know and, and sometimes because you know we don't always see the value in what we do. And that makes it really difficult sometimes for us to move forward. So we just have to know that we are making a difference.

And take a different perspective and look at your life in a different way you'd be surprised the impact you're making. Thanks again Keller for being. For all of you that are listening. Thank you so much for connecting. Don't forget to inspire yourself and join us at your holistic Earth and become a wellness warrior and tap into this type of wisdom on a daily basis. We thank you so much for listening and look forward to catch you on another episode.