April 14, 2022

Ep.13- Navigating the Storms of Grief and Uncertainty

Ep.13- Navigating the Storms of Grief and Uncertainty
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Season 1

In this episode, I am joined by the amazing Judy Thureson, who bravely shares with us her traumatic experiences and just how she has healed through them. Judy shares with us the importance of processing your trauma and that no matter what you have been through there is healing on the other side. She stresses that in processing our traumas and telling our stories, we can further our healing journey, with the concept that we heal in safe and supportive communities.

Judy also opens up about the loss of her 18-year-old son, and just how she has navigated through grief and pain by speaking about her story. She believes that the key to healthy healing is not hiding or holding anything back, as change comes from sharing our pain.

About our guest:

Judy Thureson has a genuine desire to see people live their most authentic life. In the last decade, she has helped hundreds of clients transform their mental, physical, and spiritual health.

She is passionate about helping her clients heal and grow through adversity. Judy is a trusted resource for grieving families and people who need transformation and breakthroughs. 

In June of 2019, Judy experienced the tragic loss of her eighteen-year-old son, Jacob to opioid overdose. In the midst of her unimaginable grief, she wrote her #1 Bestselling book BEAUTIFUL TRAGEDY to help give others hope. She shares powerful tools on how to use healthy coping skills to navigate the storms of grief and uncertainty.

 

Connect with Judy: https://judythureson.com/

 Download your special gift here:

https://judythureson.com/give-principle-guide/

 Purchase a signed copy here: https://judythureson.com/my-beautiful-tragedy/

 

Paperback and Kindle version here:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B08CS1X71K/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1603208697&sr=1-1-d7c5a1b3-0934-41ba-b86e-21e5a37a4fcf

  

Thanks for listening!

It means so much to us! If you would like to continue the conversation with us, head on over to Instagram or/and Facebook for more healing, stories, and magic.   

 

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If you have someone in your life, who is struggling to overcome their trauma, this is something you can give them that truly can change the course of their life forever.

 

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Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!

 

 

Transcript
Anna Maydonova:

I know you, you're afraid to speak up.

Anna Maydonova:

You're scared of what other people think of you. And you

Anna Maydonova:

blame yourself for what happened to you. I know how it feels.

Anna Maydonova:

Because I've been there. If you found me, I'm so grateful you

Anna Maydonova:

are here. This podcast will give you hope. And I'm your host in a

Anna Maydonova:

made ANOVA. And I'm going to hold your hand and provide the

Anna Maydonova:

guidance. It's time for you to find your why. And turn your

Anna Maydonova:

experience into your biggest power. This is your time now. So

Anna Maydonova:

lock your door, put your headphones in, and enjoy

Anna Maydonova:

Judy Thurston, welcome to the world's best Trauma Recovery

Anna Maydonova:

podcast.

Judy Thureson:

Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be

Judy Thureson:

here.

Anna Maydonova:

Today, it's such a pleasure. Because we we've met

Anna Maydonova:

just recently, and you've changed the whole life of, of my

Anna Maydonova:

partner in me with organizing, you're one of the best events,

Anna Maydonova:

the ultimate experience.

Judy Thureson:

Wow.

Anna Maydonova:

So you you literally you were the you were

Anna Maydonova:

the one. The reason we went to America, where we met you and

Anna Maydonova:

your beautiful husband, Eric, and your, your amazing, gorgeous

Anna Maydonova:

daughter, and so many wonderful people on this event. And we

Anna Maydonova:

felt so welcome. Being in the United States that we decided to

Anna Maydonova:

stay.

Judy Thureson:

So lucky, we are so lucky to have you guys here

Judy Thureson:

closer. We love you Laban. And it's amazing what's transpired.

Judy Thureson:

And it's very cool to watch.

Anna Maydonova:

So thank you. And now you also had an

Anna Maydonova:

incredible experience where you took me on on a hike, where you

Anna Maydonova:

helped me to heal my trauma. When we did our healing. I

Anna Maydonova:

healing. Yep.

Anna Maydonova:

And I felt unbelievably amazing after this.

Anna Maydonova:

And today, my question for you why healing, the trauma is so

Anna Maydonova:

important.

Unknown:

I, myself have experienced lots of trauma,

Unknown:

childhood trauma, sexual abuse, and you name it, I feel like

Unknown:

I've gone through it. The way I process my trauma, and the

Unknown:

teenager was you know, sex, drugs and rock and roll. And all

Unknown:

the negative ways to hide the trauma and there was a lot of

Unknown:

anger. And there was a lot of, you know, fighting, if you can

Unknown:

believe that I was a bully, you know, we always hear about the

Unknown:

kids that were being bullied while I was the bully, because I

Unknown:

did not know how to process my trauma. So it was very external,

Unknown:

a lot of anger, a lot of hurt. And it really wasn't until, you

Unknown:

know, I was in my late 20s 30s 40s. But you know, still

Unknown:

it's a work in progress, that my healing journey is a testimony

Unknown:

to help people see that it doesn't matter where you've come

Unknown:

from, and doesn't matter how bad your trauma was that there is

Unknown:

healing on the other side, and that you can live a very

Unknown:

productive, thriving, passionate, you know, purposeful

Unknown:

life. And I, you know, I'm a very spiritual person. And

Unknown:

recently, one of the biggest traumas in my life is losing my

Unknown:

son, my 18 year old son in 2019. And I wrote a book about it. And

Unknown:

during that time, God said to me, I am healing you so that you

Unknown:

can heal others. So I feel like that's really my purpose in my

Unknown:

heart. And I don't know if I answered your question. But I

Unknown:

think it's important because it's in exactly what you're

Unknown:

doing with these podcasts. And you being so open and vulnerable

Unknown:

about your healing journey is that we heal in communities of

Unknown:

shared experiences and safe people. And so the more that

Unknown:

we're open, really open about the things that we've been

Unknown:

through it gives other people permission to be open about

Unknown:

their trauma.

Anna Maydonova:

You answered this beautifully. That's exactly

Anna Maydonova:

The water I sink in,

Unknown:

well, you already have me crying, I need my tissue now.

Anna Maydonova:

Okay, I cry all the time, just just let it go.

Anna Maydonova:

Just let it go. I want to talk about your son Jacob. A lot

Anna Maydonova:

today. But I would love to start with your trauma. Would you?

Anna Maydonova:

Would you tell us a bit more? What was happening when you were

Anna Maydonova:

sexually abused?

Unknown:

Yeah. You know, it started when I was five years

Unknown:

old. And so when you know, when you're five, and you have people

Unknown:

in authority over you that you trust, you don't really

Unknown:

understand what's happening, right. And for me, it was, you

Unknown:

know, an older relative that I trusted that was, you know,

Unknown:

authority figure in my life, that I thought, Well, if he's

Unknown:

asking me to do these things, then it must be okay. Right. And

Unknown:

this went on from age five to 15. So even as I became a

Unknown:

teenager, and as I grew up, I definitely knew that it was

Unknown:

wrong, but you know, you're stuck in that five year old mind

Unknown:

of, for me, I would just freeze, I would just be paralyzed in

Unknown:

totally disassociate, and just take myself to another place so

Unknown:

that I didn't have to be present to the reality of what was

Unknown:

happening. And so I learned to live like this, pretty much my

Unknown:

whole life. It wasn't until I was, I think, 40 that I started

Unknown:

taking yoga, that I learned how to be present in my body, that

Unknown:

my body was a safe place to be. Because my whole life, it wasn't

Unknown:

safe, right, being in my body meant, I'm going to experience

Unknown:

and re experience and feel all this abuse that happened to me.

Unknown:

And so, you know, that went on, and then it was more family

Unknown:

members. And then it just became this kind of open door for oh, I

Unknown:

guess that's what I made for is for abuse. And so I went into

Unknown:

relationships as a young young teenager with very older, you

Unknown:

know, men, and not thinking that it was inappropriate or wrong,

Unknown:

right? I mean, I'm sure in the back of my mind, I did, but it

Unknown:

had become so normalized to be taken advantage of, and to be

Unknown:

used and abused that I was just like, Okay, I guess that's what

Unknown:

I'm there for. So of course, it eroded my self worth my self

Unknown:

esteem. Like I shared shared earlier, I went the opposite

Unknown:

direction, you know, some people that that deal with sexual abuse

Unknown:

trauma, they go two ways, right? They either isolate, a lot of

Unknown:

them gain a lot, a lot of weight. So it's their protection

Unknown:

mechanism to not, you know, be be found attractive or whatever.

Unknown:

And use maybe food or drugs or alcohol as a

Unknown:

Okay, yeah, okay. Yeah,

Unknown:

coping mechanism. Or you go the other extreme, and you're

Unknown:

promiscuous, and you just go with anyone because it's almost

Unknown:

in a rebellion. Oh, well, if this is what I'm just what I'm

Unknown:

good for, then I'm just gonna go for it. You know, so I went that

Unknown:

way. And, you know, not really proud of that, but that was how

Unknown:

what my trauma produced in me, you know, I was the party girl,

Unknown:

I was the, you know, just go out with anyone and give myself

Unknown:

away. And it was very damaging. So that was, you know, pretty

Unknown:

much nobody knew. Because there was so much shame. And

Unknown:

everything was hidden. And people only saw what they saw on

Unknown:

the outside and they thought, oh, wow, she's so happy. She's

Unknown:

so cool. She's so this. I ended up becoming a professional

Unknown:

dancer. And I went on tours and I was on and music videos and TV

Unknown:

and different things like that. And so again, they're just this

Unknown:

persona of, wow, you know, she's on TV, she this but little did

Unknown:

they know, even during that time, I was being abused by now

Unknown:

men in the industry, right? Producers, actors, people who

Unknown:

had authority. So there was this dynamic of I just believed that

Unknown:

people in authority had the right to take advantage of me.

Unknown:

And then fast forward even that in my healing journey, I trusted

Unknown:

this yoga instructor because I felt so much healing from yoga,

Unknown:

you know, Another thing that manifests my trauma manifested

Unknown:

is eating disorders, I had eating disorders, I had body

Unknown:

dysmorphia, you know, so many things that is just trauma after

Unknown:

trauma after trauma. And when I learned how to be in my body and

Unknown:

feel safe in my body, in the form of yoga, connection, you

Unknown:

know, mind body awareness, breath, and body awareness is

Unknown:

powerful, and never experienced that before, that you can be in

Unknown:

your body and be safe, right. And I didn't learn that until I

Unknown:

was in my 40s. And then guess what happened, this yoga guru of

Unknown:

mine, that where I had so much healing, he took advantage of

Unknown:

me. And so I was devastated because I thought, wow, I've

Unknown:

healed so much I'm, you know, overcome so much. But then as

Unknown:

soon as he did that, I went back to my five year old self

Unknown:

paralyzed, couldn't move, couldn't fight, couldn't do any,

Unknown:

you know, freeze, right. That's what either fight flight or

Unknown:

freeze. So I just froze, and I left there feeling just so upset

Unknown:

at myself that I didn't do anything to fight for myself.

Unknown:

But at the same time, it was also a way to show me that there

Unknown:

still needed to be more healing to do. And, you know, as a

Unknown:

trauma, recovery, podcaster and other people that you you talk

Unknown:

to and everything that you've been through, you know that this

Unknown:

is an an ongoing thing for life. It's like an onion, right? It's

Unknown:

like one layer after layer. It's not that we ever arrive and say,

Unknown:

Oh, I'm completely healed, and I'm 100% Perfect. It's just an

Unknown:

ongoing thing that we learn every day. So that's a little

Unknown:

bit of the background there.

Anna Maydonova:

Wow, you went through a lot. And God, I just,

Anna Maydonova:

I can't believe how common they think. Because I can recognize

Anna Maydonova:

myself in your story. I also went to, well, I actually I sort

Anna Maydonova:

of stuck in my shell. But then my self esteem and self love was

Anna Maydonova:

so low. And I was just I couldn't say no to people to

Anna Maydonova:

guys. You know, I understand your 100%. And what? What is the

Anna Maydonova:

worst? What is the worst thing? Is people think something wrong

Anna Maydonova:

with you? Is it just because you promiscuous, or it just because

Anna Maydonova:

you're not educated enough or something? They don't know.

Anna Maydonova:

There is a trauma is hiding underneath of this. Yeah. What

Anna Maydonova:

was your first experience? When you when you open up about what

Anna Maydonova:

was happening to you?

Unknown:

Wow. I remember it very well. I was in a safe group of

Unknown:

women. And we were having this session of actually a Bible

Unknown:

study session, and how old were you? I was 2121. And I was 21.

Unknown:

And it was the safe place of women. It was women in the

Unknown:

entertainment industry. So we you know, there were actors and

Unknown:

models and, and it was a church group that was focused on

Unknown:

reaching out to people in Hollywood, right. And so they

Unknown:

invited me I was teaching dance classes at a studio. And they

Unknown:

invited me to come and I thought, Oh, why not? You know,

Unknown:

I'll check it out. And it was the first time I met women who

Unknown:

share their lives so openly and vulnerably. And authentically.

Unknown:

And I think we shared we talked about this a little bit earlier

Unknown:

before we even turned on the recording. But, you know,

Unknown:

healing happens in safe community of people with a

Unknown:

shared experience. And so once I sat in this circle with these

Unknown:

women who shared so vulnerably their trauma, their abuse there,

Unknown:

you know, and not all the same. I mean, one was domestically,

Unknown:

you know, a domestic violence survivor, the other one was, you

Unknown:

know, had sexual abuse the other one was neglected and beaten as

Unknown:

a child and just them sharing so openly about their experiences

Unknown:

made me feel safe enough to share mine and I had never

Unknown:

shared it with anyone, not my family, not a therapist, no one

Unknown:

So 21 years of everything just bottled up inside, you know, and

Unknown:

now I'm a grief counselor. And we talk about grief is energy.

Unknown:

So if it doesn't go out, it's gonna manifest in different

Unknown:

ways, right? Like all the partying and let's just hide it.

Unknown:

Let's mask it with drugs and alcohol and net blacks are

Unknown:

shopping, whatever it is that we go to, to try to hide the pain

Unknown:

or numb the pain or try to ignore the pain, right? That's

Unknown:

what we go to. So this was 21 years of all of this energy all

Unknown:

of a sudden, it, just let it out, shared it in this group.

Unknown:

And it was the really the beginning of my healing journey

Unknown:

to be able to share that. And so now if you know me, you know, I

Unknown:

don't have a filter, I share everything, because that's part

Unknown:

of really, the healthy healing is not hiding anything, not

Unknown:

holding anything back. You know, I was in a coaching group last

Unknown:

year, and the first question they would ask before the

Unknown:

session, and they would say, what is the one thing you don't

Unknown:

want anyone to know about you? Hmm. Talk about, wow, the things

Unknown:

that people shared, you know, just brought us together.

Unknown:

Because at the end of the day, we're all human, doesn't matter.

Unknown:

If you're famous, if you have money, if you're whatever, we're

Unknown:

all human. And that connects us on a heart level, when we share

Unknown:

about our pain. Pain is a great equalizer. Pain is what we all

Unknown:

have in common. Whether you're male or female, again, whatever

Unknown:

your status is, pain is something that we will all have

Unknown:

in common. So I'm, you know, I'm very open about sharing my pain,

Unknown:

because I think that's what gives people permission to share

Unknown:

theirs. And it helps people to remember, we're not alone. We're

Unknown:

all going through this together.

Anna Maydonova:

And how did you? How did your life change after

Anna Maydonova:

this? Did you continue with healing?

Unknown:

Yes, yes, I felt I felt like I found my purpose. And in

Unknown:

turn, I ended up helping other women, give them a voice and

Unknown:

give them a platform to share their pain and their traumas.

Unknown:

And here's something that happened when I was 24.

Unknown:

Actually, so here, I'm on my healing journey. I'm helping

Unknown:

people I feel like I found my purpose. I'm doing great. I

Unknown:

found myself worth myself love. When I was 24, I was living in

Unknown:

Hollywood, and I was at a restaurant with the girlfriend.

Unknown:

And when we left the restaurant, we got in our car. And this man

Unknown:

came out with a gun and a hood in his face and forced me to get

Unknown:

in the backseat, put the gun to my girlfriend's head and said,

Unknown:

if you try anything, I'm gonna blow her brains out and

Unknown:

kidnapped us in held us hostage. And I mean, it's a pretty

Unknown:

involved story, but he ended up raping us, right? I guess. So

Unknown:

here I was thinking, oh, man, I'm on the other side of this

Unknown:

healing journey. I'm helping people, like how can this happen

Unknown:

to me? Right. And it was very traumatic as you can imagine. I

Unknown:

remember that. That night, being held hostage in this in this

Unknown:

motel room, there were no windows, there's just one door.

Unknown:

It was in the middle of South Central LA if you know about

Unknown:

South Central LA, it's a very, you know, not good part of not

Unknown:

good neighborhood. And I just knew that was it. I was gonna

Unknown:

die there. I knew he was going to kill me. And I was ready, you

Unknown:

know. And the police came and and arrested him. He ended up

Unknown:

being a serial rapist. And I had to go to court for the next two

Unknown:

years to testify. And, you know, and like what you were saying

Unknown:

the judgment, right. So here I am in court sitting in trial.

Unknown:

And the this guy had a female lawyer. And the questioning was,

Unknown:

well, what were you wearing that night? Did you you know, did?

Unknown:

Were you flirting with him? Did you want it? I mean, can you

Unknown:

imagine?

Anna Maydonova:

Oh, he can I can I went through this experience.

Unknown:

Exactly. And so he ended up you know, getting

Unknown:

multiple life sentences. Because there were 33 women that came

Unknown:

forward.

Anna Maydonova:

Are you serious?

Unknown:

33 women. So I remember walking into the courtroom and

Unknown:

seeing these women and we all you know brunette about the same

Unknown:

size and height. It was the most eerie thing. Because just people

Unknown:

are sick, right? But anyway, I share all that to my point is I

Unknown:

was able to really connect with these women. Because I had been

Unknown:

through it right? So it's different from maybe a therapist

Unknown:

or a counselor or someone who's Let me teach you all the

Unknown:

textbook ways of how to overcome trauma I'm very different from

Unknown:

somebody who has actually gone through it, and then still show

Unknown:

you let me show you how you can overcome trauma and still thrive

Unknown:

and still have a purpose and still live. And so many of these

Unknown:

women, they were suicidal, they were in so much fear. They were

Unknown:

moving and changing their names changing, you know. And so I

Unknown:

just felt, in a weird way grateful for the experience,

Unknown:

because now I have, and I don't know if this is the right word,

Unknown:

but authority. Yeah, yeah. And so again, I don't know if I

Unknown:

answered your question. But, you know, having gone through just

Unknown:

deep, deep trauma, I feel like it's almost a gift that we get

Unknown:

to be the example to other people like you. I mean, I look

Unknown:

at you and I'm so impressed, and so blown away of the woman that

Unknown:

you are, even with the things that you've been through, you

Unknown:

know, it's very powerful. So, yeah, I think power is the right

Unknown:

word.

Anna Maydonova:

Well, Judy, when we did our healing session, and

Anna Maydonova:

when you told me, just tell me everything. There is nothing

Anna Maydonova:

that can scared me. Or surprise me. I didn't have an idea. What

Anna Maydonova:

are you talking about? But thank you so much for opening up. And

Anna Maydonova:

for all the work you do. I'm sure this podcast will help me

Anna Maydonova:

lens

Anna Maydonova:

Oh, God, this moment of thank you so much, Judy, for sharing.

Anna Maydonova:

i When you were talking, I was trying to keep my face straight.

Anna Maydonova:

And bite my my tongue. Wow, lady. You have a big story.

Unknown:

Oh, I didn't even share that when I'm when I was 15. And

Unknown:

I was hitchhiking. That was this was in my party girl days and

Unknown:

stupid days. And, and I got picked up by a serial killer. A

Unknown:

very famous one. The Night Stalker, Richard Ramirez. If you

Unknown:

google him, I mean, they have documentaries on him. He's

Unknown:

probably like the top 20 serial killers of all time. And yeah, I

Unknown:

escaped from him. So

Anna Maydonova:

did you know it was him? Did you recognize him?

Anna Maydonova:

Or? No?

Unknown:

I had no idea. So he I was like I said hitchhiking not

Unknown:

very smart to do at as at the 15 year old I was with my younger

Unknown:

sister who was 14 at the time. And we were trying to go to an

Unknown:

after party, but we didn't want anyone to know that we were too

Unknown:

young to drive. And so he said, we'll figure out how to get

Unknown:

there. Right. So we go and then we hitchhike. And this guy picks

Unknown:

us up. So we're like, telling them where to go or giving him

Unknown:

directions where to go. So something clicked into me when I

Unknown:

say okay, go right here. And he kept going straight. And then

Unknown:

oh, go left here. And he kept going straight like that. Okay,

Unknown:

maybe this is a language barrier. What is this, you know,

Unknown:

and then I looked down, and sorry to be graphic, but he had

Unknown:

his zipper open, and he was masturbating. So that's when I

Unknown:

knew like, Okay, this is really bad situation. So as soon as we

Unknown:

hit this red light, I opened the door, and we ran out the door

Unknown:

and started running. And at this point, it's like one in the

Unknown:

morning, you know, when we're running, and we're running, and

Unknown:

he gets out and chases us and catches me, pulls me my hair

Unknown:

carries me back to car. And I had really long nails at the

Unknown:

time. And I just remember trying to choke him with my nails. And

Unknown:

it was so hard that my nails broke in, in his skin, you know,

Unknown:

in a neck. And my sister is yelling, and she's trying to,

Unknown:

you know, call for help. And, you know, yelling at the

Unknown:

neighborhood. Finally, people started turning on their lights

Unknown:

and people were opening up the doors, and then he got in his

Unknown:

car and ran away. Well, of course, we didn't want to share

Unknown:

this experience because we felt stupid for hitchhiking in the

Unknown:

first place. So my sister and I said just, we'll just keep this

Unknown:

a secret between us. We won't tell anyone. So that summer, you

Unknown:

know, he terrorized Los Angeles. I mean, people were in fear

Unknown:

because he was a serial killer. I mean, he was going in doors

Unknown:

and windows and killing people in their homes. So he actually

Unknown:

got caught. And I was having dinner with my family. And we're

Unknown:

watching the news and you see his face on The news, and I'm

Unknown:

having dinner. And before I can even process what's happening in

Unknown:

my brain, my body starts having a very visceral reaction. I

Unknown:

start shaking, I start having, like panic attack, I go to the

Unknown:

bathroom and I just start throwing up, because I realized,

Unknown:

oh my gosh, that was him. That's who I escaped from. Oh. So I

Unknown:

don't you know, I can tell you I have nine lives. 10 books,

Unknown:

because I've been through so much. But that was, that was

Unknown:

something for sure to escape from that and live to tell about

Unknown:

it. It's something,

Anna Maydonova:

Judy, and I think this is so important to

Anna Maydonova:

share this experience with others, the more we share, the

Anna Maydonova:

more girls learn. Because otherwise, I remember myself at

Anna Maydonova:

15 When my wife for sexual abuse happened. Yes. And people were

Anna Maydonova:

so judgmental telling me, you're 15 your grown up woman? Can't

Anna Maydonova:

you understand? No, it's not working like this. It's not a

Anna Maydonova:

you don't really think about consequences for what can happen

Anna Maydonova:

to you on the street. And why should we? Why should women walk

Anna Maydonova:

on the street and be afraid or do not walk at all? What why?

Anna Maydonova:

Imagine if everyone, every single woman would speak up?

Anna Maydonova:

I've made sure that perpetrators will would think twice, or even

Anna Maydonova:

10 times, if everyone will, we'll talk about it. And if our

Anna Maydonova:

if our community will understand. And we'll support.

Unknown:

You know what I mean? Right? Yeah.

Anna Maydonova:

And I'm not sure if this job is really in its

Anna Maydonova:

place. But there is the whole Hollywood movie about your life.

Unknown:

Well, actually, there is already a screenplay. I have

Unknown:

a director that asked to use my story for a screenplay for the

Unknown:

serial, the serial killer, the serial rapist guy. And so that's

Unknown:

already in the hands of Hollywood producers right now.

Unknown:

And, and that thing, too. Can I just share this because this is

Unknown:

very empowering and important. Okay. Yes, please. So we're back

Unknown:

to when I was 24. With the when the guy held us hostage and

Unknown:

raped this me and my friend, both of us together at well, not

Unknown:

together, but he would put me in the bathroom, and then raped my

Unknown:

friend and then put her in the bathroom and then break me. And

Unknown:

just two days before he tickets to this motel room. The

Unknown:

detectives were around the area putting up flyers saying there's

Unknown:

a you know, African American man. There's African American

Unknown:

man, and he usually comes with two women. So if you see

Unknown:

anything suspicious, like that call 911. So the guy that was

Unknown:

that the hoster you know, whatever, for the hotel, the

Unknown:

manager that was taking our money. He didn't even speak

Unknown:

English. But he saw the flyer. Okay, African American man to

Unknown:

women call 911. So he was the one that called the police.

Unknown:

Right? And when we went into the motel room, I in the backseat of

Unknown:

the car, I had a small little Bible. You know, I told you I

Unknown:

was Christian. I was doing Bible studies all the time. I you

Unknown:

know, I put it in my my jacket pocket. And I took it with me

Unknown:

into the motel room because I really had faith that God was

Unknown:

going to rescue us, right. But I never thought it would get that

Unknown:

far. For for him to actually violate us the way that he did.

Unknown:

So then now I'm here wrestling with my faith of, oh my gosh, am

Unknown:

I gonna get out of here alive? Like why would God let this

Unknown:

happen? Right? That's the big question. Why does God let

Unknown:

suffering happen and all this stuff? And so I'm sitting there

Unknown:

wrestling with that. The moment that I in my spirit knew that

Unknown:

you know what, no matter what happens if I'm going to die

Unknown:

faithful, I'm going to die fighting. I'm going to die

Unknown:

forgiving everyone. I started already in my head thinking of

Unknown:

all the people I need to forgive to make peace with. And I was

Unknown:

standing up resolutely in this little cold shower stall naked

Unknown:

and just sitting there, you know, devastated. And I said,

Unknown:

I'm ready to meet my maker now. And I had so much peace. I was

Unknown:

24 years old. And I said if this is my last day On Earth, I'm

Unknown:

ready. And as soon as I stood up like that the police came.

Unknown:

Right, the police came and rescued us. And the in the

Unknown:

middle of all that that's happening. The whole time this

Unknown:

man was masked he had a mask on his face. And when the police

Unknown:

came, and there's a whole law where they have to knock three

Unknown:

times before they can barge it, right, so in the moment, the

Unknown:

first knock to the third knock, it felt like three hours, but it

Unknown:

was probably 60 seconds. Okay. So from the first knock, you

Unknown:

know, the gunman, the the rapist, he took us out and, you

Unknown:

know, said put your clothes on, and we could see his face

Unknown:

because he didn't have his mask at that point. And he's crying.

Unknown:

And he is like, I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me.

Unknown:

And please forgive me. And he had his gun. And he gave it to

Unknown:

my friend. And I took my Bible out of my jacket pocket. And I

Unknown:

gave it to him. And I went up to him, and I looked him in the

Unknown:

eye. And I said, I forgive you. I said, God forgive you. And

Unknown:

I'll tell you what, to this day. I never struggle about that.

Unknown:

That experience, because in that moment, I let it go. I forgave

Unknown:

him. And for me, forgiveness is not saying that what he did was,

Unknown:

okay, forgiveness, set my heart free. And I was able to take on

Unknown:

this power to be able to help other people, because I wasn't

Unknown:

hanging on to this bitterness. You know, that's there. So

Unknown:

that's what the whole movie premises about that the power of

Unknown:

forgiveness that this director asked me to write a screen

Unknown:

screenplay about, because that's so powerful. You know?

Anna Maydonova:

Judy, you are such a strong woman, honestly.

Anna Maydonova:

And it's not an easy thing to forgive someone for what he had

Anna Maydonova:

done to you. And I forgive my perpetrator. And I know this is

Anna Maydonova:

necessarily for myself, to be able to leave to be able to

Anna Maydonova:

thrive after this. How long has been keeping you in this room

Anna Maydonova:

for until police came

Unknown:

with it? We got there probably around one in the

Unknown:

morning. And the police came about three in the morning. So

Unknown:

just a few hours, but like I said it felt like the Earth

Unknown:

Stood Still felt like eternity. Yeah.

Anna Maydonova:

Oh, yeah. Yeah, the reason I'm asking. It's

Anna Maydonova:

unbelievable. For help for the short time, short period of

Anna Maydonova:

time, and I put quotes, because if I can imagine how long it

Anna Maydonova:

felt you realized so many things. It was just like, it

Anna Maydonova:

struck me a lot. You were ready to die. Yeah. And

Unknown:

yeah. If you ask me, what is the turning point in

Unknown:

your life? What is the moment in your life that you realized?

Unknown:

Like your purpose and you know, your path, that specific

Unknown:

situation, that experience? I go back to that so much, because

Unknown:

that actually made my faith stronger? And that helped me to

Unknown:

see my purpose. And there's nothing more powerful than not

Unknown:

being afraid to die? Oh, yes. Right. So I've been I've been to

Unknown:

hell. And back many times I have, I have like, a pass, you

Unknown:

know, because of all the things that I've been through. So

Unknown:

there's so much fearlessness, that comes from me as as a coach

Unknown:

and as as I help people. I share that fearlessness, right,

Unknown:

because so many people are paralyzed by fear. And they

Unknown:

don't go after what they want, and they don't live their life

Unknown:

to the potential that they could live it because of fear. But

Unknown:

when you overcome that kind of fear, really, when you think

Unknown:

about what's the worst thing that can happen to you, I mean,

Unknown:

being kidnapped by a serial killer and a rapist and escaping

Unknown:

from another serial killer rapist and, you know, having my

Unknown:

the worst trauma of all my son dying at 18 years old, you know,

Unknown:

and then all my sexual abuse trauma. You know, I struggled

Unknown:

with cutting and, and self harm and like I said, you know,

Unknown:

anorexia in bulimia eating disorder. So when you gone

Unknown:

through and survived all through that, and live to tell about it,

Unknown:

power, there's power and fearlessness in that, right. So

Unknown:

I look at those things not as Oh, poor me, I'm a victim. I

Unknown:

actually look at that as my strength and my power. I don't

Unknown:

know if you're familiar with the term post traumatic growth. Are

Unknown:

you familiar with? Yeah, yes. When I, when I started seeing my

Unknown:

therapist, she said, you know, that that's you have signs of

Unknown:

post traumatic growth. And I'll tell you what you mentioned

Unknown:

earlier, you know, oh, my gosh, you're so strong. And I think

Unknown:

people that have deep trauma, they look at that strength as

Unknown:

like their badge of honor. Right? Like, yes, that's, that

Unknown:

defines me, that's my identity. I'm so strong. And my therapist

Unknown:

said to me, you know, maybe you're in a season of your life,

Unknown:

where you need to learn how to nurture yourself, and really

Unknown:

learn self love. I'll tell you, I had a panic attack. Because I

Unknown:

didn't know I didn't even know what that look like, because I

Unknown:

was so used to being so strong for everyone and for myself,

Unknown:

that for me to let that go and to nurture and find self love

Unknown:

was so scary. Like that was scarier than being kidnapped for

Unknown:

me. Honestly, you're right, because it was so foreign to me,

Unknown:

I'd never done that kind of work. And now that that is

Unknown:

something that I love, and I cherish, and it's a part of, you

Unknown:

know, who I am. And the part of how I help others is learning

Unknown:

how to and that's what my whole book is about. It's about how do

Unknown:

you give to yourself first, so that you give from your overflow

Unknown:

and not from your empty cup.

Anna Maydonova:

Judy, and in your amazing book, you

Anna Maydonova:

mentioned, give principles that help you to overcome your grief

Anna Maydonova:

after Jacob passed. Would you tell us the story? What was

Anna Maydonova:

what's happened to your son? And how did you overcome

Unknown:

this loss?

Unknown:

Yeah, so I remember, just like yesterday, it was June 13 2019.

Unknown:

My husband and I are having coffee and breakfast before he

Unknown:

goes to work. It's about nine in the morning, 930 in the morning.

Unknown:

And we were talking about this incredible new meditation

Unknown:

mindfulness program that I was creating. And we were going to

Unknown:

film a 30 day program. And it was something that transformed

Unknown:

my life so much, and that I wanted to share it with the

Unknown:

world. And then, as we were talking about it, I look over to

Unknown:

him and I said, I'm a little apprehensive, because every time

Unknown:

I try to do something big like this, something happens to

Unknown:

Jacob. And at the time, Jacob was 18. But from 16 to 18, he

Unknown:

was going through a lot of mental health issues, and, you

Unknown:

know, substance abuse, and we were in and out of rehab and

Unknown:

psychiatrist and it was a very tumultuous time. And so now he

Unknown:

was in a good space. He was sober. He was living in LA, he

Unknown:

had gotten a record deal. He was doing really well. But then I

Unknown:

don't know if it's a mother's instinct, or what, but I just

Unknown:

had this feeling like I have just afraid to do something for

Unknown:

me. Because now my identity had been taken care of Jacob, like

Unknown:

how do I be there for him? So much so that I lost myself,

Unknown:

right. That's a whole other story. And we can talk about

Unknown:

that another time. But, you know, I just had all this fear.

Unknown:

And my husband says to me, don't worry, nothing's gonna happen.

Unknown:

You know, this is your thing. And you know, Jacob's not going

Unknown:

to derail this. That's what those were his words. So he goes

Unknown:

off to work fast forward about an hour, and I get a call from

Unknown:

Jacob's girlfriend, saying he was found unresponsive, and he

Unknown:

was being rushed to the emergency room. And so here

Unknown:

little did I know that this thing I was ready to birth to

Unknown:

the world, this meditation, mindfulness practice, ended up

Unknown:

being the very tools that I needed to get me through, you

Unknown:

know, the worst experience a mother can ever go through. And

Unknown:

that's where the, the gift principle was birth. I needed

Unknown:

this for me to survive this, this experience. So I'll just go

Unknown:

through it really quickly. But give us an acronym. G stands for

Unknown:

grounding. I needed to just ground and be present. Right?

Unknown:

Because present moment is all we have. If we think about the

Unknown:

past, we can't change that. If we think about the future. We

Unknown:

can't control that. So all we had was the present and knowing

Unknown:

that he was alive. We didn't Know what condition he was in,

Unknown:

but we drove from Arizona to California, because that's where

Unknown:

he was. All I could do is be present that, okay, well, I know

Unknown:

that he's here. And that's all I'm going to think about, I'm

Unknown:

not going to think about worst case scenario, I'm not going to

Unknown:

think about how did we get here, I'm just going to one breath at

Unknown:

a time. Be present. So that's the G for grounding, okay. And

Unknown:

let me just share that this is so important for people who

Unknown:

experienced trauma. Because for me, my natural default is to

Unknown:

disassociate and to check out and to numb out and not be

Unknown:

present, because being present is too painful. So the grounding

Unknown:

practice really helped me to be here. And now no matter if it's

Unknown:

painful, or not, like let me really sit in this present

Unknown:

moment. So very, very powerful. I stands for intention. And so

Unknown:

every, you know, every day that I would meditate, I would ask

Unknown:

for the intention of the day. And I just would write down in

Unknown:

my journal every day was different, right? One day

Unknown:

surrender one day, be still one day is, you know, I don't know,

Unknown:

have faith or hope or something like that. So it could just be a

Unknown:

very short phrase or word. And that is what I would

Unknown:

intentionally think about for the day. And I journaled all

Unknown:

those intentions. And when I wrote my book, those became my

Unknown:

chapter titles. So if you read the book, there's 40 chapters,

Unknown:

and you're with me, those are the 40 days, from the moment

Unknown:

that I got the phone call, all the way till he was in a coma

Unknown:

for two weeks, he ended up passing on June 27. And then all

Unknown:

the days going after that, of how I dealt with my grief,

Unknown:

through sharing these tools of the gift principle.

Unknown:

So AI is for intention. And then V is for visualization. And this

Unknown:

was very, very powerful. Again, the human spirit, and our minds,

Unknown:

and our brain doesn't know the difference between what's

Unknown:

imagined and what's real. Right. So having those thoughts of

Unknown:

visualizing my son waking up him wake, you know, without having

Unknown:

any brain damage him being healthy and whole. It really

Unknown:

gave me strength. And so a lot of people might think, Well,

Unknown:

Judy, that didn't really work out because the end result

Unknown:

wasn't what you imagined. It doesn't matter if I'm talking

Unknown:

about in the moment. That is what gave me strength. Hope is

Unknown:

incredibly powerful. You know, I study a lot of you know, trauma

Unknown:

victims, and what's the word I'm looking for? People that were in

Unknown:

concentration camps, people that you know, survived the

Unknown:

Holocaust. Okay. And so a lot of the interviews that I've read

Unknown:

from from people that survived the Holocaust, and they asked

Unknown:

them, How did you get through that. And they would say, they

Unknown:

visualize coming back home to their family, they visualize

Unknown:

their wife making, you know, breakfast, they visualize their

Unknown:

kids running up to them and giving them hugs. And probably

Unknown:

knowing that that was not at all ever going to happen, because

Unknown:

people were, you know, being separated from families. But

Unknown:

that's what kept them alive is that hope. So visualization is

Unknown:

very, very powerful. And, and then the last one is E stands

Unknown:

for expressing gratitude. And that is, really shifts the

Unknown:

energy. Right, and so gratitude, we already know, rewires the

Unknown:

brain where there's so many studies on gratitude. But when

Unknown:

you express the gratitude, there's a whole different level

Unknown:

of changing the atmosphere in the room. And so when we were in

Unknown:

the ICU, when Jacob was in a coma for two weeks, you know,

Unknown:

ICU is where death happens, you come in, and it's a somber

Unknown:

energy, and everyone's stressed and everyone's worried and

Unknown:

anxious. And, and we would come in my husband and I, our

Unknown:

families would come and just share life and share gratitude,

Unknown:

especially my husband, he was amazing. He knew every

Unknown:

receptionist name, he knew the janitors, he knew the, you know,

Unknown:

respiratory specialists, and he would ask them how they're

Unknown:

doing. And he would talk to them. I was like, wow, where is

Unknown:

he getting the strength from to think of other people while we

Unknown:

are in the worst, most tragic season of our life, right? But

Unknown:

there's so much so many miracles that happened during that time.

Unknown:

And you know, obviously the end was tragic that we lost our son,

Unknown:

but the journey was very beautiful. That's why the book

Unknown:

is called Beautiful tragedy. Because even in in in tragedy,

Unknown:

you can find beauty right?

Anna Maydonova:

Oh god I just wish I can give you a hug right

Anna Maydonova:

now. I will, one way or back, I will hug you so strong.

Unknown:

Yes. Judy,

Anna Maydonova:

what is the biggest lesson you've learned

Anna Maydonova:

after Jacob's past?

Unknown:

So many. But I think, you know, when I was 24, and I

Unknown:

experienced that near death experience with the being held

Unknown:

hostage at gunpoint, there was a fearlessness that happened of

Unknown:

not being afraid of death, right. And then having this

Unknown:

experience, you know, with my own firstborn son, and

Unknown:

experiencing that tragedy, again, was a reminder of, you

Unknown:

know, we're not promised tomorrow. So what are we doing?

Unknown:

What are we afraid of? Why aren't we living our life to the

Unknown:

full. And Jacob did that even though he was only 18, when he

Unknown:

passed, he lived his life full out. With so much passion, and

Unknown:

his whole potential of doing whatever he loved to do, he did

Unknown:

it 100% Without caring what people thought, you know, you

Unknown:

have been a true artist. And so he's my greatest teacher, and he

Unknown:

still teaches me to this day, how to live full out how to live

Unknown:

without fear. Like we talked about earlier, you know, it's a

Unknown:

process. It's like an onion, you know, you get through one layer

Unknown:

there, the whole other layer. So, I would like to think that,

Unknown:

Oh, I'm fearless and I, you know, live full out all the

Unknown:

time. But it's a process every day learn, how do I do that

Unknown:

more? How do I step into, you know, my power more? How do I

Unknown:

step into the big things and in creating big things, you know,

Unknown:

the experience that we had recently with the ultimate

Unknown:

experience, like that was a big lesson and stepping into big

Unknown:

things and overcoming fear. And so I love that those things are

Unknown:

still teaching me to this day. And it's helping me to step in

Unknown:

powerfully to these experiences, that come my way, whatever door

Unknown:

comes my way that I'm bold enough and, and fearless enough

Unknown:

and faithful enough to open them right and to walk through them.

Anna Maydonova:

What a great learnings. Thank you so much for

Anna Maydonova:

sharing, Judy. And big shout out to Steve Hardison who actually

Anna Maydonova:

said no to Oprah, to be on your show, but he said yes. To you to

Anna Maydonova:

be on your event.

Unknown:

Yes, yes. There was a lot of Jacob was involved in a

Unknown:

lot of that. And Jacobs spirit really guiding all of that. And,

Unknown:

you know, that's a whole other podcast, but shout out to Jacob

Unknown:

for being the one to, to talk to Steve and to be to allow Steve

Unknown:

to be open to saying yes to me, because I think Steve fell in

Unknown:

love with Jacob. You know, Steve, Steve read my book, and

Unknown:

he really saw the essence of Jacob and I always tell Steve,

Unknown:

if Jacob lived to be in his 60s, he would be just like Steve

Unknown:

Hardison, just a heart of gold loving people, not worrying

Unknown:

about rules and just living out loud and living so passionately

Unknown:

and and really the biggest thing is the love Jacob loved people

Unknown:

so deeply and that is what contributed to his his substance

Unknown:

abuse because he was, there was so much pain, he was an empath,

Unknown:

and he carried so much pain. He didn't know how to process and

Unknown:

he started self medicating to deal with that pain, you know,

Unknown:

and it's very tragic. And we lost, you know, such a

Unknown:

beautiful, amazing soul, but he lives on with us every day.

Anna Maydonova:

I think he is your angel.

Unknown:

He is my angel. He's my angel right there. To feel

Unknown:

wings.

Anna Maydonova:

Yes. And for for my listeners. Josie has a

Anna Maydonova:

beautiful art with Jacob just behind your God, you've been a

Anna Maydonova:

such a such a generous, I guess. You've shared so, so much

Anna Maydonova:

valuable information today. I appreciate you. I love you so

Anna Maydonova:

much. I'm so grateful we met and you helping. You helped me a

Anna Maydonova:

lot. You have no idea how much and you're an

Unknown:

amazing host and you help me to feel comfortable to

Unknown:

share. And that's that's huge, right? Just to have that safety,

Unknown:

to be able to share the things that are deep within us. So

Unknown:

thank you for creating this space, it's very valuable. And

Unknown:

I'm happy to give generously because I know that with your

Unknown:

heart, it's to help as many people as possible. Thank you.

Anna Maydonova:

God, where people can find you. Who who

Anna Maydonova:

needs help.

Unknown:

Yeah, Judy thurston.com is my website. And you can reach

Unknown:

me. I'm on Instagram, Judy Thurston as well. And Facebook.

Unknown:

But all all across social media, Judy Thurston, that's ju d y.

Unknown:

And Thurston is t h, u, r. E. S, as in Sam, o n.com. And all the

Unknown:

things that I do grief counseling, I host retreats, I

Unknown:

do coaching and, you know, anything to serve and help

Unknown:

people overcome, is really what my my purpose is now, and I love

Unknown:

it. It's, it's, it's an honor to do it.

Anna Maydonova:

And I would highly recommend to, to jump on

Anna Maydonova:

Amazon and get into this book. Yeah, it's amazing reading.

Unknown:

Thank you.

Anna Maydonova:

Thank you, Judy, before we go, do you have any

Anna Maydonova:

concluding thoughts?

Unknown:

Cool. Gosh, I feel like we were. We talked about so many

Unknown:

things, concluding thoughts. If I can share, actually, in my

Unknown:

dedication page on the book and the book, I want to share this

Unknown:

with everyone was the book.

Anna Maydonova:

Beautiful, tragic tragedy.

Unknown:

And I want to share this for everyone. That said,

Unknown:

this book is dedicated to everyone who has a dream in

Unknown:

their hearts, but are too afraid or insecure to go after them. Do

Unknown:

it now. Do it messy. Do it when you're scared to do it. Your

Unknown:

story matters and your voice is needed in this world. Thank you,

Unknown:

Jacob for being my biggest inspiration. Your example of

Unknown:

living authentically has given me the strength to live

Unknown:

unapologetically and fearlessly. I love you forever. I used to

Unknown:

tell you don't die. With your songs still inside of you. You

Unknown:

exemplified this so beautifully. In this is my phone. Yeah, I

Unknown:

feel like my book is is my legacy. And it's what I get to

Unknown:

leave behind and people who read it. My my hope and prayer for

Unknown:

them is that they don't feel alone in their grief journey.

Unknown:

You know, sadly, so many families are losing their kids

Unknown:

right now. And it's a very isolating helpless feeling. So

Unknown:

if, if my book can be just a companion for someone who is on

Unknown:

their grief journey, who will feel like while somebody

Unknown:

understands me, someone gets me and someone has gone before me

Unknown:

and they they are okay. And to let people know that even as

Unknown:

hard as it is. They're still life after tragedy.

Unknown:

This is so amazing. Ladies and gentleman, Jody Thurston.

Anna Maydonova:

Thank you for being here. I know it's not

Anna Maydonova:

easy. But there is a part of you, who is ready to take this

Anna Maydonova:

journey all the way. And they can help. Reach out to me

Anna Maydonova:

directly at Aina at animate anova.com to get work. You can

Anna Maydonova:

also connect with me on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn,

Anna Maydonova:

for more healing stories and magic. This journey is

Anna Maydonova:

impossible to do on your own. So make sure to like, subscribe,

Anna Maydonova:

and review the podcast so we can help more people like you. If

Anna Maydonova:

you have someone in your life, who is struggling to overcome

Anna Maydonova:

their trauma, this is something you can give them that truly can

Anna Maydonova:

change the course of their life forever. We'll see you next time

Anna Maydonova:

for another episode of the world's best Trauma Recovery

Anna Maydonova:

podcast. And just remember, you are able to help yourself and