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Today I am joined by the wonderful Heather Abbott. Heather shares with us her life's passion of helping heart-centred people become amongst the wealthy. Through her many years of experience as an accountant, Heather helps people work through their money mindset blocks and take control of their finances. She also shares with me her journey through and the ending of a traumatic relationship with a narcissist. Heather discusses why we stay in difficult relationships, how narcissists are actors who will put on a role to keep you and the resources out there to get help. You are not in this alone. Listen in to Heather's impactful story.
About our guest:
Heather’s mission is to assist heart centered entrepreneurs to take their place amongst the wealthy so we can “up-level” the world.
She has spent decades as a CPA, financial advisor, mindset worker and entrepreneur.
She shares this expertise and her innate magic to help you make friends with your finances and guide you to true prosperity.
“I have overcome a 25 year marriage where I didn’t believe I was abused, but a week after I moved out, he shot himself in front of me. As I ran away I stopped and looked back to see if he had faked it. It was still another 4 months before I realized I had been severely mentally abused. “I now embrace my magical self and help others.
https://www.hcabbott.ca/ website
https://www.youtube.com/c/HeatherCAbbott
https://anchor.fm/hcabbott podcast
https://www.linkedin.com/in/heathercabbott/
https://www.facebook.com/HeatherAbbottWealth
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I know you, you're afraid to speak up.
Anna Maydonova:You're scared of what other people think of you. And you
Anna Maydonova:blame yourself for what happened to you. I know how it feels.
Anna Maydonova:Because I've been there. If you found me, I'm so grateful you
Anna Maydonova:are here. This podcast will give you hope. And I'm your host in a
Anna Maydonova:made ANOVA. And I'm going to hold your hand and provide the
Anna Maydonova:guidance. It's time for you to find your why. And turn your
Anna Maydonova:experience into your biggest power. This is your time now. So
Anna Maydonova:lock your door, put your headphones in, and enjoy.
Anna Maydonova:Heather Everett, welcome to the world's best Trauma Recovery
Anna Maydonova:podcast.
Heather Abbott:It's a pleasure to be here. You're quite an
Heather Abbott:amazing person.
Anna Maydonova:Thank you. Thank you, Heather. I would like to
Anna Maydonova:start off with a tricky question. Okay. Yeah, Heather,
Anna Maydonova:have you figured out your purpose on
Heather Abbott:this planet? Oh, yeah, definitely. My mission is
Heather Abbott:to help heart centered people take their place amongst the
Heather Abbott:wealthy. And the people I'm starting with pretend to be
Heather Abbott:entrepreneurs or have an entrepreneurial mindset. And
Heather Abbott:they're usually women. And specifically, if you want to get
Heather Abbott:really down into a niche, it would be women who aren't used
Heather Abbott:to controlling their finances or looking for their purpose in
Heather Abbott:life. They're feeling a little lost, little overwhelmed. Those
Heather Abbott:are the absolute ideal for who I can help.
Anna Maydonova:This is amazing. Because you know what, not many
Anna Maydonova:people would find their why their reason on the planet? How
Anna Maydonova:do you help those women to find their why?
Heather Abbott:Well, I have had a lot of education and
Heather Abbott:experience in my life. I started learning accounting back in
Heather Abbott:1984, even though I'm on 35, right. Now. So I've been a CPA
Heather Abbott:for like three decades, and a financial advisor for a decade.
Heather Abbott:And I have worked through my own shame around money, my own
Heather Abbott:abusive relationship, my own money, mindset blocks, and I am
Heather Abbott:a very right brained person as well as left brain person, so
Heather Abbott:I'm able to bring it all together. So that's what I do I
Heather Abbott:can I, the people who are right brained, or who are really
Heather Abbott:overwhelmed with finances, my approach is easy for them to
Heather Abbott:follow and not be intimidated by.
Anna Maydonova:That's really amazing. Heather, and before we
Anna Maydonova:jump into your story and into your incredible experience
Anna Maydonova:around your abusive relationship, I just want to ask
Anna Maydonova:you,
Unknown:what are the most?
Anna Maydonova:What are the most common blocks around the
Anna Maydonova:money? And where are they coming from?
Heather Abbott:Most common are people that just don't want to
Heather Abbott:look, they don't want to see where they stand. They're afraid
Heather Abbott:of their finances. That's one, there's people who think that
Heather Abbott:they're ready to be wealthy. They don't know why the wealth
Heather Abbott:isn't coming. But they have beliefs that they've taken on
Heather Abbott:from when they were younger. Everything that you are told
Heather Abbott:before you're seven years old, you take in without the ability
Heather Abbott:to really question it as you can pass that point. So it kind of
Heather Abbott:shapes the bucket that you have for collecting well. And if the
Heather Abbott:bucket is set to small, you have to undo that and create the
Heather Abbott:bigger bucket. And sometimes there's leaks in your financial
Heather Abbott:bucket. But it's all about overcoming beliefs that had been
Heather Abbott:set beforehand. So if you think of wealthy people as nasty, and
Heather Abbott:you have all these bad thoughts about them, you're not going to
Heather Abbott:become one because you don't want to become somebody you
Heather Abbott:hate. But it's really, your beliefs have to be reshaped.
Heather Abbott:Because wealth does not make you bad. Wealth will only amplify
Heather Abbott:what you already are. And if you're already a wonderful
Heather Abbott:person, you're just going to do so So much more good in the
Heather Abbott:world. If you become wealthy look at Oprah, she is a shining
Heather Abbott:example of a wealthy one or Princess Diana. Right? They were
Heather Abbott:both super wealthy, and they both make big differences.
Anna Maydonova:You know what I absolutely agree with you. It's
Anna Maydonova:not the money that make you a bad person. It's something
Anna Maydonova:inside, inside you and I can resonate with you. Because when
Anna Maydonova:I was growing up my stepfather when, and I'm talking about my
Anna Maydonova:story, in the first episode, but just quickly, he came into our
Anna Maydonova:family with nothing. And then my mom and my stepfather started to
Anna Maydonova:grow together. And when he started to earn big money, he
Anna Maydonova:changed a lot. He became a completely different person. I
Anna Maydonova:didn't recognize him, you know, sometimes he would, he would
Anna Maydonova:come come home so angry and his eyes and his face would become
Anna Maydonova:like, demons face, a demon, demons demons face. I didn't, I
Anna Maydonova:didn't know what was it, honestly. But I think that was
Anna Maydonova:something in him already before. And I think it was coming from
Anna Maydonova:his childhood experience where his father was a very violative
Anna Maydonova:and ironic person, you know, and and when my stepfather fell this
Anna Maydonova:power and this wealth? I think he, he felt this. Now I can do
Anna Maydonova:anything to anyone there.
Heather Abbott:Yeah. And but it's, yeah, sometimes it's
Heather Abbott:overwhelm for them. And it just opens up their insecurities. And
Heather Abbott:the get into this even enhanced nastiness. Yeah, it's a shame.
Anna Maydonova:And I got a really, really bad limiting
Anna Maydonova:belief from my stepfather that I have to work hard. So to achieve
Anna Maydonova:success, so get more money, just just work harder and harder and
Anna Maydonova:harder, which is working on it. really seriously?
Heather Abbott:Yeah, no, because it's not true, you
Heather Abbott:should be able to get paid to be you should be easy. If you're,
Heather Abbott:if you're working towards your life purpose, it should be easy.
Heather Abbott:And if it's hard, you need to stop and sit back and say, Okay,
Heather Abbott:just checking in with feeling wise, which path feels like it
Heather Abbott:would be the right path for me to start with, because you
Heather Abbott:should have one to go with to reach your goal to start with,
Heather Abbott:because if you're trying to do more than one, it's going to
Heather Abbott:take you so much longer, like multiply, amplified so much
Heather Abbott:longer. So when you're figuring that out, just go through the
Heather Abbott:different options and see how it makes you feel? Does it make you
Heather Abbott:feel heavier? Does it make you feel like, if it makes you feel
Heather Abbott:like that's the right path?
Anna Maydonova:I love it. I really love it. Because I truly
Anna Maydonova:believe you don't need to self sacrifice your life. And your
Anna Maydonova:your happiness and your time. Now to achieve some of those
Anna Maydonova:things. I agree with that. Thank you, Heather. And how did you
Anna Maydonova:start your practice? How did you come to this realization?
Heather Abbott:Oh, yours. It's just been trying to trying to
Heather Abbott:get ahead of my own life trying to overcome my own things.
Heather Abbott:That's where it comes from. I mean, I fell into being an
Heather Abbott:accountant. It was just I took it in high school, it was super
Heather Abbott:easy. So I became an accountant. That the knowledge that I have
Heather Abbott:those were always brought, just by having to make a decision on
Heather Abbott:something usually, but the path of learning all these different
Heather Abbott:ways was because I needed it. I've always been an optimist,
Heather Abbott:but you know how hard that is when you're being used? Right?
Heather Abbott:Even if you're denying being abused, which I was, I would say
Heather Abbott:oh yeah, I know. He does try to control me with his temper, but
Heather Abbott:now I'm not mentally abused. I'm a smart, educated woman.
Heather Abbott:Mentally not mentally abused. Yeah, I was severely. I
Heather Abbott:definitely was. But that was a process. It was just things
Heather Abbott:would present themselves because it was meant to be on my path
Heather Abbott:and I would work through them and try harder and try More
Heather Abbott:things and learn more things and but it's always been my path to
Heather Abbott:to learn things that can help other people, because that's who
Heather Abbott:I am. So I have a toolkit that I build of all these different
Heather Abbott:things because Oh, that one might help somebody someday. So
Heather Abbott:even though it's not for me, I might buy the book or, or listen
Heather Abbott:to the training, so that I can bring that out when someone else
Heather Abbott:needs
Anna Maydonova:it. You know, I had a client she was dating.
Anna Maydonova:While she wasn't dating, she was seeing a guy who wanted only sex
Anna Maydonova:from here, and he was open about this, I just thought I just come
Anna Maydonova:once a week, I just want to sex with you. Nothing else. And she
Anna Maydonova:really wanted to get a family she was in your late 30s, early
Anna Maydonova:30s, she wanted to have a baby, she wanted to settle down. But
Anna Maydonova:every, every time he would come come to visit here, nothing
Anna Maydonova:would happen. And she thought that the longer she would stay
Anna Maydonova:in this relationship, the better it will become. Maybe he will
Anna Maydonova:change his mind to finally fall in love with your and start
Anna Maydonova:dating here. Because all you're saying no, I'm just coming on
Anna Maydonova:Saturday. And that's it. And she created this micro contract with
Anna Maydonova:him, not realizing that he's not promising her really anything
Anna Maydonova:back. Why? Why is it here? Yes. Why is it? What is it? Why? Why
Anna Maydonova:are we staying in such a relationship?
Heather Abbott:We believe what we want to believe. That's,
Heather Abbott:that's it in a nutshell, we see that after I was free. One of
Heather Abbott:the people I was seeing to for help, or her name was monkey
Heather Abbott:arts. And she said the most brilliant thing to me. She said,
Heather Abbott:just because you see the potential in someone and as an
Heather Abbott:empath we all we know, like we can pick up on that they can do
Heather Abbott:it right, we've seen the good side of them. That's how they
Heather Abbott:got us attracted to them in the first place to see this example.
Heather Abbott:But just because you see the potential in someone's does not
Heather Abbott:mean, they have any intention of ever living up to it. And that
Heather Abbott:was such an eye opener for me, it's like, oh, because I always
Heather Abbott:want to be the best I can be. And most empaths and kind of
Heather Abbott:women do. They want to be the best they can be they're always
Heather Abbott:striving to fix what they see as flaws about themselves,
Heather Abbott:character traits that they perceive as negative. And I say
Heather Abbott:proceed. Because they're not necessarily negative. We need
Heather Abbott:that shadow side as they call it, of our of our personality to
Heather Abbott:protect us, to help us through things. So we have to thank it
Heather Abbott:not and embrace it, pull it in, not push it away. You can't push
Heather Abbott:something away. If the Buddhist principle is, you go through it,
Heather Abbott:you see why the issue is there. You send it, love, thank it and
Heather Abbott:embrace it. So if you're trying to quit smoking, you bless each
Heather Abbott:cigarette with love. Thank you for being there and really set
Heather Abbott:so you know, I thank you. You've helped me through like,
Heather Abbott:whatever. But we're going to have to say goodbye. And it
Heather Abbott:works for so many things. But yeah, we see, we see the
Heather Abbott:potential, but we honestly we will make up any story and
Heather Abbott:believe what we want to believe, to justify what we're afraid to
Heather Abbott:change. And that's what it comes down to. I know it I've done it.
Heather Abbott:I would tell my daughter, like when she had moved away. I'd be
Heather Abbott:like, Oh no, he's he's better. He's better. And she talked to
Heather Abbott:her brother. He knows that. But I was trying to justify why I
Heather Abbott:was still there.
Anna Maydonova:I was afraid. What was you're afraid of? What
Anna Maydonova:were you afraid of?
Heather Abbott:Oh, what he would do. If I left when I left.
Heather Abbott:I just he's you would alternate between whatever he thought
Heather Abbott:would keep you there you know, like he's going to threaten
Heather Abbott:suicide or so he'd stick to saying how much he loves you and
Heather Abbott:He wants you to stay to you know I can I can kill myself and
Heather Abbott:frame you For the death, right, you know, if I ever caught you
Heather Abbott:with somebody else, these are things I would do to you, you
Heather Abbott:know, like, I'm going to make you famous and and take all
Heather Abbott:those pictures of you that I have unique, and I'm putting
Heather Abbott:them all over the internet, I'm going to call the and make you
Heather Abbott:lose your job and say that you showed me files and stuff. And
Heather Abbott:I'll report you to the SEC. I didn't show him any fights. But
Heather Abbott:these are threats that he would come up with. So he would just
Heather Abbott:alternate right? Honey, and like the beat this thing and the and
Heather Abbott:the honey like just either way. So you get there so long, and
Heather Abbott:you don't know what's on the other side. It's like overcoming
Heather Abbott:the money blocks. You don't know what's going to happen when you
Heather Abbott:become rich? Are you going to lose your friends? What are they
Heather Abbott:going to expect from you? Are people going to judge you and
Heather Abbott:say you're this nasty? biatch? Or are they going to, you know,
Heather Abbott:like, you're you don't know how people are going to judge you
Heather Abbott:what they're going to say what's going to happen. So you're
Heather Abbott:afraid of the unknown. It's a lot easier to stay in something
Heather Abbott:that's bad, that you feel you're in control of to a point than to
Heather Abbott:step out of that and lose all control. How,
Anna Maydonova:how did you get out from those relationships?
Heather Abbott:Well, I go into depth on that on my actual first
Heather Abbott:episode of my podcast, prosperity and possibilities.
Heather Abbott:But essentially, I expected him to die that year. Intuition. And
Heather Abbott:a friend of mine who's very powerful mediums in February is
Heather Abbott:just another sweat. He's not gonna die. And I cursed. I was
Heather Abbott:mad. And my son said, for the next three months, he had never
Heather Abbott:seen me so assertive. But it wasn't. It was like it was
Heather Abbott:coming through me like my my grandmother and grandfather. And
Heather Abbott:that like they were, they were giving me the words to say
Heather Abbott:because it anyone in an abusive relationship knows you walk on
Heather Abbott:eggshells. You measure your words before you say them.
Heather Abbott:You're careful. You know what will likely bring your reaction
Heather Abbott:tone of voice all those things, right. But coming out of my
Heather Abbott:mouth in a way that I was standing up to him, but not
Heather Abbott:triggering him. And it wasn't me, because I had never figured
Heather Abbott:that out in 24 years. But it was coming through. And then just
Heather Abbott:that day in June, because I knew that year, something was
Heather Abbott:changing. I was not living like that anymore. I was taking my
Heather Abbott:life back. If you would ask me in the morning, if I thought I
Heather Abbott:could leave them I still would have said no. But that night, he
Heather Abbott:had been trying to provoke me all day, and I just wasn't
Heather Abbott:biting and I wasn't biting. And he was trying to trying and
Heather Abbott:trying. And it just got to the point where he said something he
Heather Abbott:always said, which is what you can do leave me. I said yes, I
Heather Abbott:am. And I did. And he begged and pleaded and cried and didn't
Heather Abbott:want me to go and went as soon as you knew I was serious. But I
Heather Abbott:packed friend, my friend that I mentioned, she came over with
Heather Abbott:her vehicle and my son and I packed up the things we had to
Heather Abbott:take including all my files because I didn't want him having
Heather Abbott:access to any of that. And we moved and for a week I went back
Heather Abbott:and got things. And on that day, June 20 When I went down it you
Heather Abbott:know things subconsciously, right, the drive down. I was
Heather Abbott:calling in angels guide, unicorn, fairies, dragons,
Heather Abbott:anything you got, I need protection. And they protected
Heather Abbott:me because while I was taking stuff out, he was doing one of
Heather Abbott:his poor pitiful me things were you know, implying he was going
Heather Abbott:to do something to himself and I turned around, looked at him,
Heather Abbott:like, you're not going to do anything. And then I went
Heather Abbott:upstairs and started packing more stuff. And within five
Heather Abbott:minutes, he showed up in front of me like three feet in front
Heather Abbott:of me. So like he reached out his hand just like this with one
Heather Abbott:hand and pass me a note. And I took it and I didn't even have
Heather Abbott:to straighten my arm to take it like it was that close. And then
Heather Abbott:he's it I just want you to see what you mean by that point. I
Heather Abbott:saw that the 22 and I think he said caused because of course
Heather Abbott:blame it on me at the end and pull the trigger and look
Heather Abbott:surprised and he fell down and I started to run. looked back to
Heather Abbott:see if he faked it, which there was it looked like a bruise
Heather Abbott:right here
Anna Maydonova:on his head. Yeah,
Heather Abbott:on his temple and I sorry, forget that. It's
Heather Abbott:on podcast. Yeah. And I, that was Freedom Day we call it so he
Heather Abbott:was dead. I was free. It was. It was another day. Wow. This this
Heather Abbott:dramatic day. I mean, I was bawling my eyes out. But it was
Heather Abbott:another day I've had this. Yeah.
Anna Maydonova:He literally tried to manipulate manipulate
Anna Maydonova:you by making you guilty. What's happened?
Heather Abbott:Tried it didn't work.
Anna Maydonova:Thanks God.
Heather Abbott:Well you think about it if you're if you can
Heather Abbott:control somebody else if if anything he did was in my
Heather Abbott:control? Don't you think I would have made him a nice person? I
Heather Abbott:don't think I would have filtered what he said. Don't you
Heather Abbott:think I would have made him be a happy person? Yes, if you could
Heather Abbott:control someone else, if you live in the life of Riley, all
Heather Abbott:you can do is make it easier or harder for someone to choose
Heather Abbott:happiness. It's their choice.
Anna Maydonova:100% 100% Heather. How, and I know you
Anna Maydonova:have daughter and son this relationship impact them
Heather Abbott:and their adulthood. Well, Britney started
Heather Abbott:to hate him. When she was younger. The cat art we had a
Heather Abbott:wonderful, calm cat. When he was, gosh, I don't know, maybe
Heather Abbott:10 years old. And she went to pet her and kissed his daughter,
Heather Abbott:as she never does that she must not have been feeling well. And
Heather Abbott:Brittany went to pet her again. And she kind of batted out or
Heather Abbott:like Mike grabbed a shovel and was going and swung it he would
Heather Abbott:have cut the cat in half if he had a hitter, but she's ran. So
Heather Abbott:Brittany hated him since then. And she felt like she needed to
Heather Abbott:protect me. So she took on a lot. It wasn't hers to take.
Heather Abbott:Dominic is super easy go. And both of my kids have Asperger's
Heather Abbott:so but a social anxiety thrown in the mix. And Dominic just
Heather Abbott:avoided him as much as possible. But he Dominic doesn't trigger
Heather Abbott:anybody. I don't know anybody who wouldn't get along with my
Heather Abbott:son, right? My friend after we left, she told me she said Did
Heather Abbott:you know that Dominic thought he was gonna kill all of you. And I
Heather Abbott:went to my son and I said, the shells that you were afraid he
Heather Abbott:was gonna kill all of us. And his exact words were? Oh, I
Heather Abbott:wasn't afraid. I just figured he was going to
Anna Maydonova:How old was he? nominee?
Heather Abbott:He was 19. When he was 19, Brittany would have
Heather Abbott:been 22. She was on the other end of the country at that
Heather Abbott:point. But Dominique was with me. Yeah, yeah. So that's why we
Heather Abbott:call it Freedom Day. Literally, I lost like 12 pounds that week.
Heather Abbott:And we were on it was like two days later, we were on a call,
Heather Abbott:Zoom call with Brittany. And I said she said lost 12 pounds.
Heather Abbott:And and so I'm gonna be the last one that I said What do you
Heather Abbott:mean? He said, Oh, you lost over 200. So yes, it sounds callous.
Heather Abbott:But I'm sorry. We are very happy. The man is dead. He was
Heather Abbott:not good to us. And nobody knows if they have a half sister. She
Heather Abbott:doesn't know the worst of it. She'd go home to her mother. And
Heather Abbott:she wasn't afraid of him killing her mother. Although I actually
Heather Abbott:did save her mother's life at one point because he was headed
Heather Abbott:out the door with a gun loaded on his place there on his way to
Heather Abbott:her place. When she was just a little tiny girl because she had
Heather Abbott:called crying her mom had upset her and I don't know what he was
Heather Abbott:strung out on. But I stopped him in the kitchen at my own risk
Heather Abbott:and convinced him just by mentioning his daughter's name
Heather Abbott:and say no, you're just going to upset her and she'll never
Heather Abbott:forgive you and things like that. And I talked him out of
Heather Abbott:it. So yeah, but she doesn't know that. That's not something
Heather Abbott:actually I even remembered until a few years ago I forgotten it.
Heather Abbott:But
Anna Maydonova:was he ever diagnosed diagnosed with any
Anna Maydonova:mental health? Disease?
Heather Abbott:No, I didn't really go. But if I was to guess
Heather Abbott:I wouldn't I wouldn't go through he was manic depressive,
Heather Abbott:bipolar, whatever you want to call it, because looking back,
Heather Abbott:it's just people think bipolar is like anger and happiness. But
Heather Abbott:it's not. It's really high frenetic energy, which it can be
Heather Abbott:just dramatic, right, but they're not depressed. And then
Heather Abbott:there's the depression, anger. So it's the the frenetic side
Heather Abbott:can be full anger, or it can be depression. So, yeah, those were
Heather Abbott:his favorites. But a lot of people thought he was a great
Heather Abbott:guy, they just didn't know, he saved all that for those closest
Heather Abbott:as her most narcissists.
Anna Maydonova:Or exactly the same with my stepfather. For
Anna Maydonova:everyone else, he was a great guy, he was a great friend,
Anna Maydonova:great son. But as soon as the door will close behind him, in
Anna Maydonova:our house, he will become a completely different person.
Heather Abbott:They're actors, it's what they are. Very, very
Heather Abbott:good at it. And I know other people I know a young girl that
Heather Abbott:had gone to Ireland with this guy who has been amazing to her.
Heather Abbott:But when she got to Ireland, wholly different guy, and she
Heather Abbott:didn't leave, because she was like, I want him back. Well, he
Heather Abbott:wasn't real. He's the actor role that he the guy took on to get
Heather Abbott:you. He's the role that he puts on when he goes out in public.
Heather Abbott:And yes, you can feel that there is a good part in him. But it's
Heather Abbott:not actually who he wants to be. He wants to be this controlling
Heather Abbott:person, this abusive person, he has no desire to change. He just
Heather Abbott:puts on that persona, as much as he needs to. That's all it is,
Heather Abbott:you will never get that person back. Unless you I mean, go hire
Heather Abbott:an actor, it'd be the same thing. It's not a real person.
Anna Maydonova:And you know, Heather, my, my mom stayed in
Anna Maydonova:this relationship with my stepfather. For I think, 15 or
Anna Maydonova:17 years, I can't remember. And I was always looking at her and
Anna Maydonova:thinking, When are you gonna leave this man, when you finally
Anna Maydonova:realize that he's not the man that you think, but she was so
Anna Maydonova:afraid to leave him over the security. He was a provider?
Anna Maydonova:Sort of. He was protector, and I'm showing the inverse, of
Anna Maydonova:course, quotation marks for sure, it was more about look
Anna Maydonova:like she she has a family, because she couldn't, she
Anna Maydonova:couldn't stay single anymore. Hannah, hello, what would be
Anna Maydonova:your best advice for women who stuck in a similar relationship
Anna Maydonova:in a similar situation, especially with kids, but they
Anna Maydonova:don't know how to get out, or they solve, right?
Heather Abbott:There's usually organizations that are there
Heather Abbott:that were created to help women, if there isn't one in your
Heather Abbott:country, they are there in other countries, if there is a way for
Heather Abbott:you to make that phone call. There are people far too many
Heather Abbott:people who have been there and done that. And fortunately, have
Heather Abbott:made it out. Some, some don't make it out and stay alive. I do
Heather Abbott:know a woman who was planning to leave the country, and he got to
Heather Abbott:her first. But it doesn't have to be that bad. There are places
Heather Abbott:you can go. There are support things. And it's what I've
Heather Abbott:taught my kids their whole life. Don't reach out to people in the
Heather Abbott:same situation as you are the same age as you. They don't know
Heather Abbott:any more than you do. There are always people who have been
Heather Abbott:there and done that. And they know more than you do. Because
Heather Abbott:they're farther than that they have that Hindsight is 2020.
Heather Abbott:They know what they would go back and change and do
Heather Abbott:differently and how it can be done. We'll look for those
Heather Abbott:support groups. Look for somebody who you can reach out
Heather Abbott:to who is past the stage that you are in. And even if you are
Heather Abbott:like me, and you are in denial, you know that it's not good. I
Heather Abbott:was praying for him to be dead. When I heard of a woman becoming
Heather Abbott:widowed, I would be jealous. You know if that's you, you
Heather Abbott:shouldn't be there. If you just don't know how to get out, and
Heather Abbott:these organizations, you don't have to say that you're a victim
Heather Abbott:or abused woman or make yourself seem small, you can be a very
Heather Abbott:strong woman in an unhappy, uncomfortable relationship that
Heather Abbott:you don't know how to get out of. So you don't have to be
Heather Abbott:embarrassed. They know how to help you. And there are I
Heather Abbott:watched the documentary The other day where there's police
Heather Abbott:who are trying to help these Sugar Babies get out our and all
Heather Abbott:these different women who are being oppressed in other
Heather Abbott:countries, like where you came from Anna, and the women aren't
Heather Abbott:talking to them, even though the police officers are trying to
Heather Abbott:help. They're not responding. And is because No, I love him.
Heather Abbott:You. That's the story you're telling yourself. And you don't
Heather Abbott:actually end if you try to go back to a place when you were
Heather Abbott:happy if you have one. And think if I was starting a brand new
Heather Abbott:relationship, what would be the boundaries I would set because
Heather Abbott:these guys can't cross a line because you've never made one.
Heather Abbott:So they just keep pushing, pushing, pushing up, push too
Heather Abbott:far, step back, push, push, push, push, and they get you to
Heather Abbott:a point where they're doing things to you that you never
Heather Abbott:would have allowed anyone to do to you before. But they all
Heather Abbott:start gradually. So try, please, please try to do the best you
Heather Abbott:can reach out for help. And if someone is offering you how,
Heather Abbott:see, see, maybe maybe there's an answer there for you.
Anna Maydonova:Heather, this is such an amazing advice. And you
Anna Maydonova:know what, you have two choices, you can stay in a sexual
Anna Maydonova:relationship and try your best. But it's not going to change.
Anna Maydonova:Even if you're if you're writing, it's not, it's not
Anna Maydonova:gonna change. Because it is about setting up healthy
Anna Maydonova:boundaries. And it's about self worth, and self love, and self
Anna Maydonova:respect. If you if a man or a woman, you know, sometimes I
Anna Maydonova:cross these boundaries, there is no way they're going to be
Anna Maydonova:better. Or you can leave this relationship. And you can
Anna Maydonova:realize that you're worth much better. You're worth much, much
Anna Maydonova:more loving and kind and healthy relationship and work towards
Anna Maydonova:it. And then just think about the impact of your kids watching
Anna Maydonova:you in such a relationship. Because from my experience, I
Anna Maydonova:thought beating kids is normal. And it's now I'm realizing that
Anna Maydonova:you know, smashing them with a leather belt is not normal, it
Anna Maydonova:is abuse, calling them very bad words. It is abuse. I'm
Anna Maydonova:realizing it now. But at this point, I thought it's normal.
Heather Abbott:Now, if it's all you've ever known, then you
Heather Abbott:don't know that it's better. But that's why you are sharing your
Heather Abbott:message and why I'm speaking up is so people can know that there
Heather Abbott:is a better way that there is hope that there are good people
Heather Abbott:out there and good relationships that you can have. The best one
Heather Abbott:you have to cultivate first is the one with yourself. And for
Heather Abbott:anyone who wonders why women don't leave. It's like, well, if
Heather Abbott:she stays she's making the choice to stay. It's Yes, but
Heather Abbott:the choice that you're making is like when you're sitting on a
Heather Abbott:couch at home and you're thinking oh, I should get up and
Heather Abbott:go and do the dishes or I think get up and go for a walk and you
Heather Abbott:stay sitting on the couch. It's it's not it's time just goes by
Heather Abbott:because you haven't made the harder choice the the choice
Heather Abbott:that takes effort versus the choice that requires less effort
Heather Abbott:and women in these relationships are strong. And children there
Heather Abbott:they are some of the strongest people you will ever meet.
Anna Maydonova:But they shouldn't have to be that
Anna Maydonova:strong. Exactly. And there is something about being in a
Anna Maydonova:victim mode. It's just your your perpetrator takes all your power
Anna Maydonova:away It's really hard to explain
Heather Abbott:your issue, because they seem so caring.
Heather Abbott:Really, this is the other piece of advice, look up the
Heather Abbott:definition of narcissist. Online, you should spell that
Heather Abbott:out in the show notes. So they can look it up. Because the
Heather Abbott:definition I thought it was, after I left, I actually looked
Heather Abbott:it up and it, it really opened my eyes because there are books
Heather Abbott:on it. There's all kinds of things of information out there
Heather Abbott:for you that you can get from a library or somewhere, right. But
Heather Abbott:it's not just someone who thinks of themselves before he thinks
Heather Abbott:of others, or she thinks of others, because there are female
Heather Abbott:nurses this too. It's somebody who, it's incurable. They said
Heather Abbott:in the one that I read, you can overcome it through a 12 step
Heather Abbott:program. But it is highly unlikely you're talking about
Heather Abbott:maybe one 2% of anybody, so they are not capable of changing it
Heather Abbott:because they don't want to.
Anna Maydonova:It's very comfortable to be in this state.
Anna Maydonova:Yeah, do you do you remember what definition you've read? You
Anna Maydonova:found?
Heather Abbott:Or just though and it wasn't, it wasn't just
Heather Abbott:the definition, it went through the things that they do, like
Heather Abbott:the gaslighting, like where they make you think they twist things
Heather Abbott:so that it's on you. And like a typical things are when like you
Heather Abbott:and I discussed it, we would go somewhere and have a great time.
Heather Abbott:And as soon as you walk out the door, you're going to be told
Heather Abbott:everything you did wrong and all these nasty things, right? Where
Heather Abbott:if they say how they're come here, you think you're in
Heather Abbott:trouble because you're trying to figure out what you did wrong,
Heather Abbott:because you're so used to Heather come here means I'm
Heather Abbott:about to be told off. And everything I've done wrong like
Heather Abbott:that has. So yeah, that's it goes through it. And you will
Heather Abbott:identify much more quickly if you actually do a bit of
Heather Abbott:research and read up on it.
Anna Maydonova:That's a great advice. Hannah, what are you
Anna Maydonova:most proud of in your life?
Heather Abbott:Well, partly my children, but also me being
Heather Abbott:being able to stand up and say, you know, this is who I am. I am
Heather Abbott:an incarnated theory, who is going to teach you about
Heather Abbott:finances and money and make you feel good? And the journey like
Heather Abbott:coming through it and being strong enough to and being help
Heather Abbott:for others. A lot of people asked me well, if you could go
Heather Abbott:back and give advice to younger you What would you say if you
Heather Abbott:could go back and change anything? What would you say?
Heather Abbott:Nothing really, there's tiny things like there's this little
Heather Abbott:thing here that I said to one of the kids one time or this that I
Heather Abbott:said, but it would all have to do with better parenting. It
Heather Abbott:wouldn't be with changing the path because the path made me
Heather Abbott:who I am and who I am as somebody who is capable of
Heather Abbott:helping a lot more people.
Anna Maydonova:Here that bless you. I'm so glad I met you. You
Anna Maydonova:such an inspiration. And I know you're helping so many news. So
Anna Maydonova:many people so many women, and the financial side is very
Anna Maydonova:important to be able to be financially independent from
Anna Maydonova:your mind. And if people need your help, where can they find
Anna Maydonova:you?
Heather Abbott:The best place is to go to my website, H C.
Heather Abbott:Abbott ABV ott.ca. Ca for Canadian. If you go to that
Heather Abbott:website, HC abbott.ca At the very top there's a button that
Heather Abbott:says Become an insider. And that gets you on my email list and it
Heather Abbott:gets you the booklet for it gives you my system for figuring
Heather Abbott:out your money. It's an essential thing it's like an
Heather Abbott:unknown budget is really really easy. Number avoidant people
Heather Abbott:have told me time and time again. Oh my gosh, this is easy.
Heather Abbott:So please, you would have to print it out and do it to get
Heather Abbott:the benefit just clicking the button won't put you the
Heather Abbott:benefit. But that will also put you on my email list which is
Heather Abbott:not very frequent. Because I don't like filling up inboxes
Heather Abbott:but if you want to know when I'm launching a course or giving a
Heather Abbott:training away or something like that. That's where you will find
Heather Abbott:out the most easily. So I do encourage people to be honest.
Anna Maydonova:Wonderful. And before we go, do you have any
Anna Maydonova:concluding thoughts?
Heather Abbott:My thought is that you are amazing. And I love
Heather Abbott:that you are overcoming your own challenges and that you're
Heather Abbott:standing up and saying your whole story too, because I put
Heather Abbott:mine out there. And I know, it takes a lot of guts to put that
Heather Abbott:out on the internet's are available for everybody because
Heather Abbott:there are people who will judge us. But there are more people
Heather Abbott:that really need us. So that's my final thought is thank you
Heather Abbott:for being me.
Anna Maydonova:I love this so much. Thank you, Heather. Ladies
Anna Maydonova:and gentlemen, Heather Abbott. Thank you for being here. I know
Anna Maydonova:it's not easy. But there is a part of you, who is ready to
Anna Maydonova:take this journey all the way. And I can help reach out to me
Anna Maydonova:directly at Elena at nma the nova.com to get work. You can
Anna Maydonova:also connect with me on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn,
Anna Maydonova:for more healing stories and magic. This journey is
Anna Maydonova:impossible to do on your own. So make sure to like, subscribe,
Anna Maydonova:and review the podcast so we can help more people like you. If
Anna Maydonova:you have someone in your life who is struggling to overcome
Anna Maydonova:their trauma, this is something you can give them that truly can
Anna Maydonova:change the course of their life forever. We'll see you next time
Anna Maydonova:for another episode of the world's best Trauma Recovery
Anna Maydonova:podcast. And just remember, you are able to help yourself and
