Ep.19- How to Make Every Day The Best Day Of Your Life

Anna Maydonova: 00:00:04

I know you, you're afraid to speak up.

Anna Maydonova: 00:00:08

You're scared of what other people think of you. And you

Anna Maydonova: 00:00:11

blame yourself for what happened to you. I know how it feels.

Anna Maydonova: 00:00:15

Because I've been there. If you found me, I'm so grateful you

Anna Maydonova: 00:00:20

are here. This podcast will give you hope. And I'm your host in a

Anna Maydonova: 00:00:27

made ANOVA. And I'm going to hold your hand and provide the

Anna Maydonova: 00:00:31

guidance. It's time for you to find your why. And turn your

Anna Maydonova: 00:00:35

experience into your biggest power. This is your time now. So

Anna Maydonova: 00:00:42

lock your door, put your headphones in, and enjoy. Chris

Anna Maydonova: 00:00:48

Doris, welcome to the world's best Trauma Recovery podcast.

Chris Dorris: 00:00:54

Thank you. Thank you for the invitation. Nice to

Chris Dorris: 00:00:57

see you.

Anna Maydonova: 00:00:57

Nice to see you too, sir. Hey, do you know

Anna Maydonova: 00:01:01

what's the day to day? No, today is my life. Oh, my listen. Oh,

Unknown: 00:01:14

I left on that one. I was trying. That's so that's so

Unknown: 00:01:20

great. I were I were this one for you.

Anna Maydonova: 00:01:22

The problem is the gift. This is perfect. Did

Anna Maydonova: 00:01:26

you see my post? Yes, I did. It is crazy. Tell me where this

Anna Maydonova: 00:01:34

best then they of my life came from?

Unknown: 00:01:40

That's a good question. Actually. I don't I'm not sure

Unknown: 00:01:42

the origination I think I just said it. One day, when someone

Unknown: 00:01:47

asked me it's about two years ago, someone said, How are you

Unknown: 00:01:50

doing? And I said, you know, what is the best damn day in my

Unknown: 00:01:53

life? And they said why? And I said, why not? And ever since

Unknown: 00:02:00

then, I have been practicing this ritual. Every single I

Unknown: 00:02:05

haven't missed. I've missed zero days. In two years now, where

Unknown: 00:02:09

every day I wake up, and oh, my bathroom mirror in dry erase

Unknown: 00:02:14

marker is is that what's on your shirt. It's hashtag BDD LML. So

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it is my reminder to actually make a decision. So this is a

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real ritual. So it doesn't take long. Some days, it takes a

Unknown: 00:02:27

little longer than others. But what I do is I actually make a

Unknown: 00:02:30

decision that as of this moment, it's the best damn day in my

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life. And I mean it. Like it's not Kumbaya, fluffy, bullshit,

Unknown: 00:02:45

affirmation, foof. It's like work I'm doing. I'm saying, You

Unknown: 00:02:49

know what I am, declaring. This is the best day of my life. I'm

Unknown: 00:02:55

not waiting to see how things go. In order for that to be

Unknown: 00:02:59

true, there's another mantra create the state don't wait. So

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what I'm doing is not waiting for anything great to happen in

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order for me to create the state that accompanies the belief that

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this wow, this this is it. Oh my God today. Holy crap. This is

Unknown: 00:03:17

the button I can't good am I feel right now just even acting

Unknown: 00:03:20

this out for you. I'm having it be true. You know, and then my

Unknown: 00:03:25

whole, my whole vibe has just elevated tremendously, and then

Unknown: 00:03:28

I affect the world in a profoundly different way. And

Unknown: 00:03:31

that's when the most likely, like the greatest likelihood of

Unknown: 00:03:34

great things happening. You know what?

Anna Maydonova: 00:03:38

Yeah, you inspired me. I started to call

Anna Maydonova: 00:03:41

every single day, my best my best day in my life. And it's

Anna Maydonova: 00:03:48

like a manifesting, you are creating your own day, you are

Anna Maydonova: 00:03:52

creating your own life. And then you know, what happened to

Anna Maydonova: 00:03:56

everything just started to confirm that today's the best

Anna Maydonova: 00:04:00

day of my life. The best the best day ever.

Unknown: 00:04:05

You know, I'll admit, I'll take complete ownership

Unknown: 00:04:08

that some days that's not very simple. It's not easy. Yep. You

Unknown: 00:04:14

know, like, especially if something like huge happens now.

Unknown: 00:04:16

My mother passed away about 18 months ago, but and like, yeah,

Unknown: 00:04:21

maybe I did miss a day. Maybe I didn't make the declaration.

Unknown: 00:04:26

Because I got a notification in the middle of the night. Maybe I

Unknown: 00:04:29

didn't get up that morning and say this is the best maybe I

Unknown: 00:04:32

missed a day you know? But I'll tell you what. Yeah, there are

Unknown: 00:04:40

days where it takes some work even if you just wake up and I

Unknown: 00:04:43

had like really weird, shitty dreams or something. I'm in a

Unknown: 00:04:47

funk. You know, it takes a little bit more work for me to

Unknown: 00:04:51

clear my head. Flush that and go Alright, no, let's let's create

Unknown: 00:04:56

enthusiasm. Let's have today be the best day and then let go

Unknown: 00:05:00

into this this day with that state. Love it. Other days. It's

Unknown: 00:05:04

very easy. Love it. But part of the work is part of the work

Unknown: 00:05:08

exactly. Right. The work that we get to do to govern our states

Unknown: 00:05:13

to govern our minds, which then influences how we show up in

Unknown: 00:05:16

life and what goes on for us.

Anna Maydonova: 00:05:19

Love it. I mean, brother, trees. First time I've

Anna Maydonova: 00:05:24

heard about you. When I was watching a video with Steve

Anna Maydonova: 00:05:31

Hardison on YouTube, which is the only video exists existed a

Anna Maydonova: 00:05:37

DOS point with Steve Hardison with our Enigma where he was

Anna Maydonova: 00:05:43

showing how he was coaching, those litoria and video is the

Anna Maydonova: 00:05:49

best offensive lineman in the N. NFL, which is bol at

Unknown: 00:05:59

TBO. The Almighty TBO

Anna Maydonova: 00:06:03

said that. But I didn't get it. And you, you will

Anna Maydonova: 00:06:13

on the stage pretending that you are just a toy. How does it feel

Anna Maydonova: 00:06:19

to be this guy on the stage with Chris or with Steve Hardison?

Unknown: 00:06:26

Steve, Steve's intense dude.

Unknown: 00:06:29

Oh, yeah.

Unknown: 00:06:32

He really got into character there. He kicked my ass. Do you

Unknown: 00:06:36

feel this? Now? Okay, so there's a lot of things going on. But

Unknown: 00:06:39

first of all was a privilege. It really was, you know, I was

Unknown: 00:06:44

working Coach Steve was my coach at that time. Okay. And it was

Unknown: 00:06:49

really I mean, the whole story is such a huge lesson. It's a

Unknown: 00:06:54

huge lesson. It's it completely changed my life. You know,

Unknown: 00:06:58

talking about creative state, don't wait. It's another state

Unknown: 00:07:01

state of infinite commitment. Now, that's what that whole

Unknown: 00:07:04

event was about the best being the best, best, whatever you can

Unknown: 00:07:07

feel the best like you. This is the world's best trauma

Unknown: 00:07:10

recovery. The world's best life optimization coaches, you know,

Unknown: 00:07:16

about choosing to be the best not waiting for acknowledgement.

Unknown: 00:07:19

And that's what that whole event was about. So it was a total

Unknown: 00:07:22

honor, first of all, for me to be there to be included in some

Unknown: 00:07:28

of the organization of that event, and then to be invited up

Unknown: 00:07:31

on stage to do the reenactment of a really profound scene where

Unknown: 00:07:37

Steve had asked at one point during a coaching so maybe the

Unknown: 00:07:40

very first coaching session that he ever had with Dussel tui, who

Unknown: 00:07:45

for those of you who don't know, time, duessel, tui was an

Unknown: 00:07:50

offensive lineman for the Arizona Cardinals football team.

Unknown: 00:07:54

Big, big dude. And he's

Anna Maydonova: 00:07:58

basically and actually, in general.

Unknown: 00:08:03

Yeah. Yeah, like 653 50 or something like that. Just

Unknown: 00:08:07

huge, right? The linemen from National Football League. So

Unknown: 00:08:10

anyway, that you know, the deal was it. Steven asked him during

Unknown: 00:08:16

a coaching session deuce, who do you think is the best lineman in

Unknown: 00:08:19

the entire leak and just reflected on it? And while like,

Unknown: 00:08:25

after maybe two seconds of reflection, Steve said, Okay,

Unknown: 00:08:27

thanks. Got it. And do so. I didn't I didn't answer yet.

Unknown: 00:08:31

Because Oh, yeah. Yeah, you did. So, Ben, Steve, they do a role

Unknown: 00:08:37

reversal. And Steve as to say, you'd be me, you'd be me and

Unknown: 00:08:40

asked me what I just asked you. So you'd be Steve, the coach.

Unknown: 00:08:44

And Deuce I'll be you the football player now, so good and

Unknown: 00:08:47

asked me that. So it just says to Steve, he says, Hey, Deus has

Unknown: 00:08:53

a role reversed. Says who do you think's the best offensive

Unknown: 00:08:57

lineman in the entire offense? That's as far as he got. And

Unknown: 00:09:00

Steve grabs him by a shirt and starts to save shaken from the

Unknown: 00:09:07

best in the league. Walk around is doing this. You know, I

Unknown: 00:09:14

already danced something like this is like So Steve, Steve did

Unknown: 00:09:24

that. And we did that reenactment. And I didn't know

Unknown: 00:09:27

he almost threw me off the stage. My child shaylen back.

Unknown: 00:09:32

You know what's really funny? I don't know if you know this. I

Unknown: 00:09:35

was wearing to do so chewy jersey. overtop overtop of a

Unknown: 00:09:39

button down shirt. which happened to be my favorite shirt

Unknown: 00:09:43

at the time. It was a Greg Norman buttoned down. So anyway,

Unknown: 00:09:48

Steve when he grabbed me to shake me all the best. He had

Unknown: 00:09:54

ripped my shirt. Oh, no, I had Yeah, but this is so funny. It

Unknown: 00:09:59

was Literally a double Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction.

Unknown: 00:10:05

I'm not kidding. I after this shit Adelina, after the skits

Unknown: 00:10:09

over, I go back in the audience and I take the jersey off to

Unknown: 00:10:12

give it back to his son or his daughter, whoever loaned it to

Unknown: 00:10:16

me. And they're like, put that back on, put that back on. So I

Unknown: 00:10:25

had to wear the damn jersey for the day.

Anna Maydonova: 00:10:30

That wasn't dance, that was actually a DNA

Anna Maydonova: 00:10:33

altering video, I will put the link to this video in the chat

Anna Maydonova: 00:10:38

in below the podcast. So,

Unknown: 00:10:42

you know, I'll send you the all in since that event,

Unknown: 00:10:45

it's neat that you brought that up, inspired me to create the

Unknown: 00:10:50

second best thing I've ever created. As far as content goes,

Unknown: 00:10:53

in my life to this date, that was about two years ago. It's my

Unknown: 00:10:57

all in audio program. After I came back from that event, I was

Unknown: 00:11:01

so inspired, that I decided to create it, like, I was so

Unknown: 00:11:07

captivated with how powerful we are, when we are absolutely all

Unknown: 00:11:13

in or infinitely committed to something. Because when we are

Unknown: 00:11:18

that committed, the possibility of failure actually doesn't

Unknown: 00:11:21

exist in our field of consciousness, like, like

Unknown: 00:11:24

failures, not on the radar. That's amazing. It's a state.

Unknown: 00:11:30

Right. And I realized that that state is an option, like we

Unknown: 00:11:33

actually have it available to us at all times. And the action

Unknown: 00:11:38

that we take who we be when we're infinitely committed is

Unknown: 00:11:42

just like, exponentially more powerful than when we're trying.

Unknown: 00:11:48

We're shooting for a goal. You know, so so I'll send you I

Unknown: 00:11:54

created this audio program, surely kind of wild, about a

Unknown: 00:11:56

month after that event, because I've been thinking about it,

Unknown: 00:11:59

thinking about it, thinking about it, I woke up Christmas

Unknown: 00:12:02

Eve morning. So it's exactly like two months after the event.

Unknown: 00:12:07

And I woke up and I just got my recording, we just got a

Unknown: 00:12:11

microphone or something, you know, and, and just made some

Unknown: 00:12:14

notes and then crushed it just one take. It's like 10 different

Unknown: 00:12:20

clips about 50. It's fit exactly 59 minutes long, total. And

Unknown: 00:12:25

there was no editing other than like the beginnings and the

Unknown: 00:12:27

ends, there was no editing in the middle, there's no message I

Unknown: 00:12:30

was in the zones. And I was all in, I was all in on creating the

Unknown: 00:12:33

all in audio. So I will send you the link. So we can include that

Unknown: 00:12:36

here. For the audience, get a free download perfect.

Anna Maydonova: 00:12:40

And for my audience, I really highly

Anna Maydonova: 00:12:44

recommend to jump in and listen to this recording, because

Anna Maydonova: 00:12:48

that's where Chris is sharing his secrets of success, Secrets

Anna Maydonova: 00:12:54

of mental toughness, and how he came to this point where he is

Anna Maydonova: 00:12:59

now. Thanks, Chris, thanks so much for sharing, hey, mental

Anna Maydonova: 00:13:04

toughness coach. And I know it's been a long way for you. But

Anna Maydonova: 00:13:10

what are some of the challenges you had to overcome? To be in

Anna Maydonova: 00:13:15

this position today, Chris,

Unknown: 00:13:17

and we can pick whatever you want. You know, I

Unknown: 00:13:20

have learned grew up I grew up in a family where you know, my

Unknown: 00:13:24

dad had passed away at a very early age, he was only in his

Unknown: 00:13:27

early 40s. And I was nine. And we became very poor. After he

Unknown: 00:13:33

passed away. We had really no virtually no income, my mom had

Unknown: 00:13:35

to work RAS off and just do like no small jobs or jobs. And she

Unknown: 00:13:40

really did work her butt off. But we were we were pretty poor.

Unknown: 00:13:44

And there was a lot of scarcity thinking like a lot of fear. A

Unknown: 00:13:50

lot of we can't afford that. We can't afford that. A lot of

Unknown: 00:13:53

that. Can't afford it, like just scarcity and anxiety. So I

Unknown: 00:13:59

learned a lot of limiting beliefs about money in

Unknown: 00:14:03

particular. And I'm still I'm still fixing myself on that. I'm

Unknown: 00:14:08

doing good. But I'll tell you what, it took a lot. It took a

Unknown: 00:14:13

very, very long time for me to really start making money in my

Unknown: 00:14:16

career because I have weird beliefs. Now that money just

Unknown: 00:14:20

were limiting beliefs about money and how hard it is to get

Anna Maydonova: 00:14:24

what was your most strongest one. Believe that

Anna Maydonova: 00:14:28

money? Yeah,

Unknown: 00:14:29

that there's that it's it's really hard to get. Yeah,

Unknown: 00:14:33

that's I think that's really hard to get. It's, it's really

Unknown: 00:14:37

hard to get. Yeah, yeah, it was. Yeah, it's funny because these

Unknown: 00:14:42

lessons come from all different sources. I mean, I went to

Unknown: 00:14:45

graduate school psychology, right for to a counseling school

Unknown: 00:14:49

and embedded within the conversations that went on is,

Unknown: 00:14:53

you know, you're going to do really nice, you're going to be

Unknown: 00:14:55

very meaningful work, very meaningful work, but you're not

Unknown: 00:14:57

going to get rich by you No. So so that's a big one. But you

Unknown: 00:15:04

know, I would say, Well, another one is, is abuse. You know,

Unknown: 00:15:12

after my father died, I was I had a sort of a father figure,

Unknown: 00:15:18

who was as soon as I say this, you're gonna know exactly

Unknown: 00:15:20

everyone's gonna know exactly where I'm going with this. He

Unknown: 00:15:23

was a Catholic priest. Yes. So what you're guessing. And he

Unknown: 00:15:28

was, he was just a really great role model. This is gonna, it's

Unknown: 00:15:32

just confusing for a lot of people. So if we want to unpack

Unknown: 00:15:35

this, we totally count. He was a really powerful role model for

Unknown: 00:15:40

many years. He became like a second father. And, but then

Unknown: 00:15:45

years later, after, I don't remember the exact ages, but

Unknown: 00:15:50

when I was like, in my teens, like, early teens is when sexual

Unknown: 00:15:56

abuse started occurring. was very confusing, because this is

Unknown: 00:15:59

a human being that was so safe with I loved tremendous

Unknown: 00:16:03

autonomy, spirituality, I mean, my life now here's the part that

Unknown: 00:16:07

a lot of people can't hear. My life is in large part as great

Unknown: 00:16:12

as it is because of many lessons that I learned from that man,

Unknown: 00:16:17

which I've kept. Right, you know. But wow, that that became

Unknown: 00:16:25

so cool. So I find out when I'm 10 that I'm adopted. I didn't I

Unknown: 00:16:31

didn't know until I was 10, after my dad had died, so that

Unknown: 00:16:34

was, that was not a good, that was stupid of them. My parents,

Unknown: 00:16:37

my parents messed that up. So I have a bit of an identity

Unknown: 00:16:41

crisis, because I'm like, at 10 years old, I'm gonna wait a

Unknown: 00:16:44

minute. You're okay, he wasn't my dad, and you're not my mom.

Unknown: 00:16:51

So who the fuck am I? So that was a big deal. Interestingly,

Unknown: 00:16:56

but the priest, he, he helps me through that. He really coached

Unknown: 00:17:02

me up you know, he spent a lot of time with me, you know,

Unknown: 00:17:06

feeding my soul, right having me choose confidence and self love.

Unknown: 00:17:15

He turned me on to consciousness and spirituality. I have a book

Unknown: 00:17:19

sitting right over there. Called the mustard seed, which was a

Unknown: 00:17:23

book that was written by a guy who goes by the name Osho now

Unknown: 00:17:28

Oh, sh Oh, shell. But but but his that's that wasn't his name.

Unknown: 00:17:33

Back then. His name was bag one Shree Rajneesh heavy book. Like,

Unknown: 00:17:38

it's heavy stuff. And he gave it to me when I was 13. You're

Unknown: 00:17:41

gonna see, you know, he told me meditation to he would take me

Unknown: 00:17:44

to the boardwalk down the Jersey Shore and told me to sit there

Unknown: 00:17:48

lies close for an hour. And clear my mind. He taught me

Unknown: 00:17:51

Transcendental Meditation taught me a lot of good stuff taught me

Unknown: 00:17:53

to be my own boss. But then then the bad shit started. Then the

Unknown: 00:18:00

abuse started was very, very confusing. Because I because I'm

Unknown: 00:18:04

like, this is unpleasant. It's very, very helpful. I hate it.

Unknown: 00:18:10

But maybe I'm missing something. Because maybe I'm just like,

Unknown: 00:18:15

getting the the, the master disciple relationship. That's

Unknown: 00:18:19

how fucked up it was. So So you know, that was that was a tough

Unknown: 00:18:23

house. It's a tough road. That was a that was a quite a long

Unknown: 00:18:26

road of healing after that, because so he got busted. I

Unknown: 00:18:29

parent, I was not the only one. I was not the only victim.

Unknown: 00:18:33

Right? And you know, so weird because he was a very popular,

Unknown: 00:18:39

he was a super popular guy. He was, um, he was a he was a

Unknown: 00:18:44

theology teacher at my high school, and he's very popular.

Unknown: 00:18:49

Teacher, everyone loved them. You know, and he was like, he

Unknown: 00:18:53

was the priests that everybody would pick to, you know, to do

Unknown: 00:18:55

their marriage ceremonies because he was cool. Or so

Unknown: 00:19:01

everyone thought, you know, they didn't know that about the dark

Unknown: 00:19:03

side, but somebody he abused one kid, and I don't even know who

Unknown: 00:19:08

it is, but that that that kid outed him. And so this is like

Unknown: 00:19:13

1985 ish. So this is like, way before all the Catholic priests,

Unknown: 00:19:25

you know, altar boy abuse ship got

Unknown: 00:19:31

exposed. So he was like an early one. And what happened was they

Unknown: 00:19:36

just the church just sent him away. And he never charged with

Unknown: 00:19:40

anything. He was just sent to some counter to go to some

Unknown: 00:19:45

retreat centers. You know, and he only he ended up coming back,

Unknown: 00:19:51

which was really weird and come back to the same parish. He came

Unknown: 00:19:54

back to the same area come back to the same state. You know, I

Unknown: 00:19:58

have no idea what kind of accountability Have you ever

Unknown: 00:20:00

had, but But anyway, it was weird for me because so I was

Unknown: 00:20:06

just so confused. I was actually angry at the kid who I didn't

Unknown: 00:20:11

know who was for getting them in trouble. That's how screwed

Anna Maydonova: 00:20:18

up I was because we conditioned. Yeah,

Unknown: 00:20:20

so that was a long road of severe confusion, identity

Unknown: 00:20:28

crisis, humiliation, you know, Emery and recovery, healing. A

Unknown: 00:20:36

lot of I've worked with a lot of healers. And I was able to

Unknown: 00:20:39

forgive him to his face, which was, which was great for me. I

Unknown: 00:20:44

don't think he could really hear it. I think he just was in a

Unknown: 00:20:46

funk. You know, I don't care. I forgave him for me. So thanks

Unknown: 00:20:50

for all the good lessons. I'll take it from here.

Anna Maydonova: 00:20:53

Chris, thank you so much for being so open and

Anna Maydonova: 00:20:58

honest.

Unknown: 00:21:00

You have I'm very uncomfortable discussing this

Unknown: 00:21:04

now. Because I've done, there's nothing I've worked on in my

Unknown: 00:21:09

life harder than that. So I can talk about it. Now. You know,

Unknown: 00:21:13

it, it's again, you know, the problem, this needs an asterisk,

Unknown: 00:21:18

the problem is the gift asterisk, if you'll have it be a

Unknown: 00:21:23

gift. Right. So if you do the work to have a big gift to work,

Unknown: 00:21:31

to be able to create from so there's another mantra, which

Unknown: 00:21:35

is, every set of circumstances can be created from if viewed

Unknown: 00:21:41

masterfully. I couldn't view this experience to happen. It

Unknown: 00:21:45

went over years, it was for years, it wasn't like an event.

Unknown: 00:21:49

It was years of sexual abuse. So so the I was not looking at

Unknown: 00:21:57

this, this was not a gift, but it is now. It is now 54 I would

Unknown: 00:22:06

say the real healing occurred in my 30s With the help of an

Unknown: 00:22:11

amazing master, who's a dear friend of mine colleague and

Unknown: 00:22:15

bestie. Dr. Allison Arnold, is not the only one. I mean, I've

Unknown: 00:22:19

worked with therapists in college, I worked with a

Unknown: 00:22:23

healers, different healers, you know, some funky ones. Some ones

Unknown: 00:22:30

that, you know, taught me really wild things like like this

Unknown: 00:22:33

beautiful lesson called radical acceptance, radical acceptance,

Unknown: 00:22:40

which is spectacular. It's like radically accepting yourself, as

Unknown: 00:22:45

you are radically accepting all of the darkness that, you know,

Unknown: 00:22:50

comes with being victimized. Not just being cool that radically

Unknown: 00:22:55

accepting everything that's going on in your past, and then

Unknown: 00:22:58

doing the work in order to be able to create from it. So

Unknown: 00:23:00

that's really the big thing, right? The problem is the gift

Unknown: 00:23:02

if you'll do the work to find a way to create something.

Unknown: 00:23:06

Excellent. And here we are, here we are, right now, you and I,

Unknown: 00:23:09

you have created a platform through which I am able to serve

Unknown: 00:23:12

now I get to utilize I'm utilizing the truth. Right my

Unknown: 00:23:18

truth in order to serve. So now it's a gift. My problem is now a

Unknown: 00:23:26

gift that I get to

Anna Maydonova: 00:23:27

show you understand people because you

Anna Maydonova: 00:23:29

know what they've gone through, because you you know how painful

Anna Maydonova: 00:23:35

it is. You've been there. And you've gone through this.

Unknown: 00:23:40

Yeah, it's dark

Anna Maydonova: 00:23:41

trees. What are some benefits of healing? That

Anna Maydonova: 00:23:46

you felt that you found? Yeah. From sexual abuse.

Unknown: 00:23:53

You know, I watch these shows. It's, it gets so

Unknown: 00:23:55

heartbroken by why there's a lot of shows now, you know, on the

Unknown: 00:24:00

whole Catholic priests thing. All can be huge, a huge problem.

Unknown: 00:24:06

And there's people that are my age, that haven't done the

Unknown: 00:24:10

healing work that are that are just in misery. Misery, can't

Unknown: 00:24:16

handle relationships, you know, they're just addicted to

Unknown: 00:24:20

everything. You know, for medication, medicating the pain

Unknown: 00:24:26

because they haven't done the work. They don't know how to do

Unknown: 00:24:28

the work. They might not know that there's work to be done. So

Unknown: 00:24:32

yeah, that breaks my heart. I'm sorry, what was the I forget the

Unknown: 00:24:37

question. Oh,

Anna Maydonova: 00:24:38

right. Oh, some of the benefits from being able

Anna Maydonova: 00:24:41

to experience

Unknown: 00:24:42

life, the beauty of life again, right. The ability

Unknown: 00:24:49

to experience reality as it is my belief is that reality is

Unknown: 00:24:54

perfect. What then so that's not a variable that doesn't that

Unknown: 00:24:57

doesn't change that doesn't modify that doesn't fly shoe

Unknown: 00:25:00

Wait, that's a lock. It's a constant. I studied astrophysics

Unknown: 00:25:04

for a while, and came to the discovery through that

Unknown: 00:25:09

experience phenomenal studies, that we exist in a universe that

Unknown: 00:25:14

is flawless, like genuinely flawless, flawless, but

Unknown: 00:25:17

unfolding for 15 billion years with flawless choreography. So

Unknown: 00:25:25

that's pretty damn cool. The odds of any of us happening,

Unknown: 00:25:30

like as close to zero without it being zero. Right? There's a guy

Unknown: 00:25:34

did the math on us a guy from Harvard alley, Ben Nazer. You if

Unknown: 00:25:38

anybody wants to Google that it's really cool. Just Google

Unknown: 00:25:41

Ali Al is his first name, last name bi N A CIR? Just put le

Unknown: 00:25:46

blazer? What are the odds? And you'll get a PDF? It's cool. He

Unknown: 00:25:49

he did the math on the odds of us. It's really fun to look at.

Unknown: 00:25:53

And but the bottom line, Anna, is that like the the number of

Unknown: 00:26:01

particles in the cosmos is estimated to be one or 10?

Unknown: 00:26:09

Sorry, 10 to the ADF power 10 With 80 zeros after? That's a

Unknown: 00:26:14

big ask no. But it's actually a very tiny number. Compared to

Unknown: 00:26:19

the odds of you, the odds of you occurring any one of us

Unknown: 00:26:24

occurring precisely as we are, is actually we are a one in 10

Unknown: 00:26:29

to the 2.7 Millions power that's 10 with 2.7 million zeros after

Unknown: 00:26:37

it. It says race like close, basically impossible, right? So

Unknown: 00:26:44

we got into the impossible party winning. Without the healing, I

Unknown: 00:26:51

couldn't appreciate that. You know, without having done the

Unknown: 00:26:55

work, I would just be a victim. So I was victimized. I am not a

Unknown: 00:27:01

victim. I was until I did the work. So now, now that I learned

Unknown: 00:27:10

that it's possible to be victimized and not be a victim.

Unknown: 00:27:14

I am free. I am free from some of that conditioning of my past

Unknown: 00:27:19

I would have me be poor me can't believe this should happen to

Unknown: 00:27:22

me. Why is this going to happen? To me? This is unfair first. I

Unknown: 00:27:24

mean, I don't even I get abandoned by my bio family, then

Unknown: 00:27:29

my adoptive dad dies when I'm nine. And then this pre starts

Unknown: 00:27:33

molest me. What the fuck? That's an easy road to go down.

Anna Maydonova: 00:27:37

It's easy to stuck in this in this mindset,

Anna Maydonova: 00:27:39

exactly. To be

Unknown: 00:27:42

right. And when I'm in that mentality, I am not free to

Unknown: 00:27:45

experience and CO create with the magic that the universe is.

Unknown: 00:27:50

So freeing ourselves from the conditioning of our past so I

Unknown: 00:27:52

can experience reality as it is, which is spectacular. And you

Unknown: 00:27:58

know, we are mathematically speaking like I just said where

Unknown: 00:28:00

miracles. So we're designed to create miracles. When I'm in

Unknown: 00:28:06

victim thinking, or in that experience, I can't create just

Unknown: 00:28:12

survive. I can't thrive, survive. So the good news is

Unknown: 00:28:17

that that's possibility, right is that we can do the work to

Unknown: 00:28:19

heal. It's painful,

Anna Maydonova: 00:28:20

I can resonate. I can resonate with you, Chris,

Anna Maydonova: 00:28:24

so much. I've also I've been stuck in victim mentality for

Anna Maydonova: 00:28:30

many years for nearly 20 years. Until one day I just opened up

Anna Maydonova: 00:28:35

because I just couldn't, I couldn't do this anymore. I've

Anna Maydonova: 00:28:39

been sexually abused. I've been also abandoned my biological

Anna Maydonova: 00:28:43

father. He didn't didn't want to do anything with me. I saw him

Anna Maydonova: 00:28:49

maybe like three times or four times in my life for five

Anna Maydonova: 00:28:52

minutes. And then being sexually abused from 15 to 21 years old.

Anna Maydonova: 00:29:01

Two pregnancies to force illegal abortions. And then when I was

Anna Maydonova: 00:29:10

trying to become a mom, I had now already 16 consecutive

Anna Maydonova: 00:29:16

miscarriages including two o'clock pregnancies. And one

Anna Maydonova: 00:29:21

ectopic pregnancy. It's where the the embryo stuck in your

Anna Maydonova: 00:29:25

fallopian tube. My tube burst and I was bleeding for seven

Anna Maydonova: 00:29:29

days. And It nearly killed me. And I was like, you know, but

Anna Maydonova: 00:29:35

now I don't feel like these. Past experience is holding me

Anna Maydonova: 00:29:40

back. I literally turn it into my superpower. I don't allow my

Anna Maydonova: 00:29:47

trauma to define me anymore. And it's it's a power you getting

Anna Maydonova: 00:29:53

your power back. You need to understand that you are

Anna Maydonova: 00:29:57

responsible for your own life. No one is coming to save your

Anna Maydonova: 00:30:04

life. And what is soon why I'm telling you this. As soon as my

Anna Maydonova: 00:30:09

mind shifted, so the world became much brighter. The life

Anna Maydonova: 00:30:16

became much more fulfilled. I've got my feelings back. I was able

Anna Maydonova: 00:30:24

to tell my mom, what's happened to me. She was the scariest

Anna Maydonova: 00:30:28

person tell to the scariest?

Unknown: 00:30:33

Huh? You know, I through Facebook. I reconnected

Unknown: 00:30:38

years ago with the principal of the grade school that I went to.

Unknown: 00:30:44

And that's, that's, she's a Catholic nun. And she lived in

Unknown: 00:30:50

the convent, which is right next to the rectory where the priests

Unknown: 00:30:53

split. So she knew the priest whose name I'm not saying very,

Unknown: 00:30:58

very, very well. So so she and I stayed in touch. She's so

Unknown: 00:31:03

awesome. She's super great. She was close with my mom. You know?

Unknown: 00:31:08

So I got into a conversation with her recently this past year

Unknown: 00:31:12

about it. She had no idea. She had no idea. She was like,

Unknown: 00:31:17

shocked. She was heartbroken. I said, Sister, it's okay. I'm

Unknown: 00:31:25

good. Now. I did the work. And I want to reiterate that, because

Unknown: 00:31:29

I want to be very sensitive to people that are listening to

Unknown: 00:31:32

this. The work is hard. The healing work is hard. And scary.

Anna Maydonova: 00:31:39

And worth every single bit. Why are you saying

Anna Maydonova: 00:31:42

it's hard? Was it what was the hardest part?

Unknown: 00:31:45

Pain? emotional pain, deception, confusion for me?

Unknown: 00:31:51

Yeah, it's like, how could this happen? How could this happen to

Unknown: 00:31:55

me? Getting out of that, so So? So? It's a good question. You're

Unknown: 00:32:00

asking me really, because heart is really just a judgment. So

Unknown: 00:32:03

maybe heart isn't the right word. And maybe it's just, it's

Unknown: 00:32:06

painful? Until it isn't. That's what that's a really good

Unknown: 00:32:11

distinction. And a good for you. Thanks for asking that. Because

Unknown: 00:32:13

I disagree with my interpretation of that now. So I

Unknown: 00:32:16

won't. So way to go. Yeah, it's not hard. It's painful. Pain is

Unknown: 00:32:21

inevitable. Suffering is optional. Right? It's an

Unknown: 00:32:24

experience is simply an experience. It's painful. But

Unknown: 00:32:27

that doesn't mean it's not suffering. It's pain. And you

Unknown: 00:32:31

know, one of the coolest things I've ever learned was, I learned

Unknown: 00:32:33

from my studies, I went to India, and studied at a place

Unknown: 00:32:38

called the Oneness University. And one of the nuggets that I

Unknown: 00:32:43

walked away with not experience is this. This is so great.

Unknown: 00:32:48

Everything when experienced fully becomes joy. How sweet is

Unknown: 00:32:54

that?

Anna Maydonova: 00:32:55

Yeah, tell it again,

Unknown: 00:32:56

everything, when experienced fully becomes joy.

Unknown: 00:33:02

So there's this exercise they would have us do, and they call

Unknown: 00:33:05

it locking yourself in the room with a tiger. Because they

Unknown: 00:33:09

actually have Tiger. Tiger, of course, is the metaphor for the

Unknown: 00:33:14

pain. So you lock yourself in the room with a tiger and you

Unknown: 00:33:18

jump in its mouth, and it eats and it's gonna do it. And that

Unknown: 00:33:21

sucks. So what we do though, as humans is we go we go to all the

Unknown: 00:33:25

work of avoiding the pain, avoiding the pain, avoiding the

Unknown: 00:33:28

pain, all kinds of ego games to avoid pain, addictions, you

Unknown: 00:33:35

know, humor, the production, rationalization, all kinds of

Unknown: 00:33:40

ego games to avoid the pain, which is unnecessary, our

Unknown: 00:33:43

culture teaches us to run away from the pain, avoid the pain,

Unknown: 00:33:47

as opposed to no drowned in it. Run into it, lock yourself, the

Unknown: 00:33:53

tiger is the source of the pain, jump into the mouth. And the

Unknown: 00:33:57

paradox is that once you experienced that pain fully, for

Unknown: 00:34:01

as long as it needs to occur, which I'm sure varies

Unknown: 00:34:04

tremendously for different people. The pain goes away the

Unknown: 00:34:08

pain solves the pain evolves, which is fascinating. It's an

Unknown: 00:34:12

emotion.

Anna Maydonova: 00:34:14

And when we the more we try to avoid to feel

Anna Maydonova: 00:34:18

this emotion, the bigger it becomes the the stronger it

Anna Maydonova: 00:34:23

starts in our body. And the bigger it grows inside us. And

Anna Maydonova: 00:34:29

then it becomes harder, harder to go through this pain. And I

Anna Maydonova: 00:34:36

love this analogy. You need to lock yourself in the room with a

Anna Maydonova: 00:34:41

tiger because after this that's where the magic happens. I

Unknown: 00:34:46

recommend doing that though. If you are really

Unknown: 00:34:48

traumatized. I would recommend doing that with a trained

Unknown: 00:34:52

professional. Because it can be tiring, okay. It can be really,

Unknown: 00:34:58

really traumatizing if you don't have support are, you know, you

Unknown: 00:35:02

might be taking yourself down a wormhole there, right that you

Unknown: 00:35:05

may not be equipped to deal masterfully with. So when we

Unknown: 00:35:09

were in India, we would stick there these people were very

Unknown: 00:35:12

trained these teachers are very, very nice. That's all they've

Unknown: 00:35:14

ever done their whole lives. So they're there with you know, and

Unknown: 00:35:18

you're laying on the ground and you're think you use your

Unknown: 00:35:21

thoughts to think your way into the painful emotions. Right?

Unknown: 00:35:28

That mean that's where it all comes from right we always think

Unknown: 00:35:30

our way into emotion. So we think we use our thinking to get

Unknown: 00:35:34

into the emotion. And then they say, hold that charge, stop

Unknown: 00:35:38

thinking hold the charge the pain, which again isn't bad.

Unknown: 00:35:44

It's simply an experience. Yep. Until we judge it and go, Oh,

Unknown: 00:35:50

sucks. I wish this was over. Now it's suffering. Right. So, which

Unknown: 00:35:55

is a huge distinction right there, which is don't touch your

Unknown: 00:35:58

pain, just experience it. Like when I go to the dentist, and

Unknown: 00:36:01

they're doing a deep cleaning out, oh, and my hands are

Unknown: 00:36:05

starting to grab on to you know, I'm a tense, I'm getting all

Unknown: 00:36:08

tense. It's a great practice, right? Just relax, breathe. Stop

Unknown: 00:36:13

judging that sensation of physical pain, stop judging,

Unknown: 00:36:18

just experience it as it is, which is like totally free. It's

Unknown: 00:36:22

an unbelievable shift away from sucks and sucks This sucks to

Unknown: 00:36:29

experience. But it was very guided there in India. So we

Unknown: 00:36:33

would take hours, you know, so they would have us think our way

Unknown: 00:36:36

activate the emotional charge, the pain and then just hold the

Unknown: 00:36:40

charge. Notice as you go to the effort of trying to think your

Unknown: 00:36:46

way out of it. You know, the ego games and just get back in like

Unknown: 00:36:52

kind of drowning yourself in the pool of pain, and then realizing

Unknown: 00:36:55

that the pain doesn't govern it. If you like what you said, What

Unknown: 00:36:58

you resist persists. When you join it. The paradox is it

Unknown: 00:37:04

alleviates now this is a super simplification. Okay, so I want

Unknown: 00:37:07

again, I want to acknowledge, I'm sure that there are people

Unknown: 00:37:11

in your tribe, your audience here that have experienced

Unknown: 00:37:15

severe trauma, a million times worse than my story. You know,

Unknown: 00:37:20

if they haven't gotten a don't just hear that exercise and

Unknown: 00:37:23

think, oh, I'll just go heal myself by locking myself in the

Unknown: 00:37:26

room with a tiger get find find. There's so many amazing

Unknown: 00:37:29

professionals are trained in the healing arts. Yeah, and find

Unknown: 00:37:34

them

Anna Maydonova: 00:37:35

and do the work. It's much easier when you have

Anna Maydonova: 00:37:37

someone in your corner who understands you know, no

Anna Maydonova: 00:37:42

judgement.

Unknown: 00:37:44

There's zero chance that I would be as peaceful,

Unknown: 00:37:50

happy, full of gratitude and enthusiasm and successful as I

Unknown: 00:37:55

am. I define success as having your life on your terms. If I if

Unknown: 00:38:00

it weren't for all the healers that I had in my life that I

Unknown: 00:38:04

sought. I sought

Anna Maydonova: 00:38:07

out interesting knowing what do you know now?

Anna Maydonova: 00:38:12

What would you say to your 20 years old self?

Unknown: 00:38:18

Huh? That's fun. Yeah, I've thought about this before,

Unknown: 00:38:25

I would, I would tell him that your success is guaranteed.

Unknown: 00:38:30

Don't ruin any time with fear. Just stay the path. Stay with

Unknown: 00:38:37

your passion, sharpen your saw, do the work. And enjoy all of

Unknown: 00:38:43

the getting there. Don't ruin it with wishing everything was

Unknown: 00:38:46

different wishing it was different. Enjoy the ambiguity.

Unknown: 00:38:49

Enjoy the not knowing how it's gonna work and choose all in

Unknown: 00:38:53

this choose to know that you're going to create that you are in

Unknown: 00:38:56

the process of creating your life as you want it to be. And

Unknown: 00:38:59

don't ruin it with so

Anna Maydonova: 00:39:00

much fun. Love it. Love it. And Chris Doris,

Anna Maydonova: 00:39:04

one of the world's best mental toughness coaches

Unknown: 00:39:09

I'm sorry

Anna Maydonova: 00:39:14

No, no, I mean, one of us won one of the world's

Anna Maydonova: 00:39:18

best the tribe world's best mental toughness coach last year

Anna Maydonova: 00:39:29

one of one of the chapters

Unknown: 00:39:31

you know that's that's a big thing. Like, that's

Unknown: 00:39:34

beautiful. It's like being able to you know the the subtitle of

Unknown: 00:39:37

my first book is I think I love it. The time I feel like manta

Unknown: 00:39:40

ray, but the subtitle is badass confidently

Anna Maydonova: 00:39:43

stepping into your own brilliance. Right? Yes.

Unknown: 00:39:47

Being comfortable being the best in the world at your

Unknown: 00:39:49

craft and then we're not comparing ourselves to others.

Unknown: 00:39:52

I'm just being the best. Exactly.

Anna Maydonova: 00:39:54

It is. It's like with me, it's my commitment. And

Anna Maydonova: 00:39:57

by the way, world best started it with you from you, you know

Anna Maydonova: 00:40:02

this. So another hashtag being a tough this coach, my my question

Anna Maydonova: 00:40:13

is, what challenges do you still have

Unknown: 00:40:17

being human? You know, Byron Katie is one of my

Unknown: 00:40:22

favorite teachers. I've never met her, but I feel like I have

Unknown: 00:40:25

because I know people who know her so well, like Steve

Unknown: 00:40:27

Hardison, and Steve Chandler, this is her. And one of my she's

Unknown: 00:40:32

got so many amazing, she's got so many amazing quotes, but my

Unknown: 00:40:36

favorite one of hers is this until you are able to respond to

Unknown: 00:40:43

all of life with enthusiasm. Your work isn't done. Because

Unknown: 00:40:49

that. So I am I am actively reducing the amount of time that

Unknown: 00:40:55

passes between an event occurring in my life that is

Unknown: 00:40:59

something I wasn't asking for. And getting to enthusiasm and

Unknown: 00:41:03

creation, I'm shrinking the amount of time. So I still have

Unknown: 00:41:07

a problem with what is a lot. Because I scratched my, my eye

Unknown: 00:41:14

brow earlier. And I was looking at I'm like, Dude, are you

Unknown: 00:41:16

bleeding? Like on this call? So I'm like, that sucks. That's me,

Unknown: 00:41:22

hey, internal conflict. Happens all day. Right? I mean, just

Unknown: 00:41:31

think about seriously, this is a cool thing. Because they think

Unknown: 00:41:33

about how much of your life you spend in the state of wishing

Unknown: 00:41:36

shit was different. And it's like a lot. If you're, like,

Unknown: 00:41:40

honest. So I'm spending less time and wishing stuff was

Unknown: 00:41:45

different. The I and my first client. I'm a mental coach,

Unknown: 00:41:50

because I was a whack job. I was a train wreck. So I have all the

Unknown: 00:42:00

same. I still, I still resist reality, I still struggle

Unknown: 00:42:04

against reality. I just do it a lot less. I do it less today

Unknown: 00:42:07

than I did yesterday. I'll do less tomorrow than I do today.

Anna Maydonova: 00:42:10

Because you use your own daily dose. Yes, I

Unknown: 00:42:15

give I sign up for it. I get it every morning. And I so

Unknown: 00:42:21

it's nice because I get to read it. I forgot that I wrote that

Unknown: 00:42:24

one. I'm like, Oh, that's pretty good. Some days I read it. I'm

Unknown: 00:42:26

like, that one's lazy. But other times I read it like there's

Unknown: 00:42:30

there's a spelling error. I don't get to go fix it.

Anna Maydonova: 00:42:33

This is a good one. Yeah. So the book we're

Anna Maydonova: 00:42:35

talking about the crease brought the Bailey doors start all 365

Anna Maydonova: 00:42:42

days of your year, with a dose of mental toughness in 30

Anna Maydonova: 00:42:47

seconds or less.

Unknown: 00:42:49

Yep, you can get on that list, you can have that

Unknown: 00:42:51

emailed to you the book was created from the email. So it's

Unknown: 00:42:54

an action email that goes out every morning at 6am, wherever

Unknown: 00:42:57

around six 7am Wherever you are in the world. And people can

Unknown: 00:43:01

sign up for that if they go to my website.

Anna Maydonova: 00:43:03

This is bloody powerful. If you're having a not

Anna Maydonova: 00:43:07

a good day.

Unknown: 00:43:09

It's great. Because it's like, you know, it's like,

Unknown: 00:43:11

here's my copyright. And it's just like, it's a little you

Unknown: 00:43:15

know, this one might take longer than 30 days.

Anna Maydonova: 00:43:19

Is his book. Yeah. Yeah. I'll send the link

Anna Maydonova: 00:43:23

to this book as well. All right, yeah, link

Unknown: 00:43:27

for it. Or they could just sign up the book is fun.

Unknown: 00:43:31

But I mean, getting it in your mailbox every day is really very

Unknown: 00:43:33

useful.

Anna Maydonova: 00:43:34

Where people can find you. Yeah,

Unknown: 00:43:36

Christopher door. Thank you for asking that. And it's my

Unknown: 00:43:39

website is awesome. I love my website, very proud of it's

Unknown: 00:43:43

cool. Yeah, it's fun. And everything's there. So it's

Unknown: 00:43:48

Christopher doris.com. So my last name is D O R R I S. So

Unknown: 00:43:54

Christopher doors.com. And right on the homepage, you can sign up

Unknown: 00:43:57

for the Daily Dose. And that if anybody wants to reach out to

Unknown: 00:44:01

me, you can email me through that websites contact.

Anna Maydonova: 00:44:06

Chris, before we go, do you have any concluding

Anna Maydonova: 00:44:10

thoughts?

Unknown: 00:44:11

Yeah, it's, it's something we talked about

Unknown: 00:44:14

earlier. Okay. We are well, not in this language. Each of us is

Unknown: 00:44:19

an excuse my language, each of us is an expression of divine

Unknown: 00:44:23

grace in human form. We are designed we are part of a

Unknown: 00:44:29

perfectly flawless operating system, a peaceful Cosmos, where

Unknown: 00:44:35

even the most cataclysmic event that occurs within it, which is

Unknown: 00:44:38

star going kaboom. That's where the building blocks of life

Unknown: 00:44:42

heavy elements of carbon and oxygen are formulated. So

Unknown: 00:44:45

everything's purposeful and Right. Right, so magic is all

Unknown: 00:44:49

there is. That's the constant in this equation that we call life.

Unknown: 00:44:53

The variable is my ability to slow down enough and vibe high

Unknown: 00:44:57

enough so that I can co create

Anna Maydonova: 00:44:59

without Oh, thanks, Chris. Ladies and

Anna Maydonova: 00:45:03

gentleman, Mr. Chris, Doris. Thank you for being here. I know

Anna Maydonova: 00:45:11

it's not easy. But there is a part of you who is ready to take

Anna Maydonova: 00:45:15

this journey all the way. And I can help. Reach out to me

Anna Maydonova: 00:45:19

directly at Elena at nma the nova.com to get work. You can

Anna Maydonova: 00:45:26

also connect with me on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn,

Anna Maydonova: 00:45:29

for more healing stories and magic. This journey is

Anna Maydonova: 00:45:33

impossible to do on your own. So make sure to like, subscribe,

Anna Maydonova: 00:45:37

and review the podcast so we can help more people like you. If

Anna Maydonova: 00:45:42

you have someone in your life, who is struggling to overcome

Anna Maydonova: 00:45:45

their trauma, this is something you can give them that truly can

Anna Maydonova: 00:45:50

change the course of their life forever. We'll see you next time

Anna Maydonova: 00:45:55

for another episode of the world's best Trauma Recovery

Anna Maydonova: 00:45:58

podcast. And just remember, you are able to help yourself and