Ep.29- You Are so Much More Than Enough: The Constant Evolution of Our Self-Esteem

I know you, you are afraid to speak up. You are scared of what other people think of you. And you blame yourself for what happened to you. I know how it feels. Because I've been there. If you found me, I'm so grateful you're here. This podcast will give you hope. And now I'm your host, Anna ditchburn. I'm going to hold your hand and provide the guidance that I needed the most. It's time for you to find your why. And turn your experience into your superpower. So lock your door. Put your headphones in, and enjoy. Lady Clarissa Burt Benvenuto nail podcast, they will your recupero that trauma Alamanda well

obviously stay still the unrealistically low spine y'all are. You're studying Spanish now. This didn't just for you. You didn't know Italian perfectly, but I know you're studying Spanish. And that's wonderful. That's awesome. Good on you.

Risa. Welcome to the world's best Trauma Recovery podcast.

Thank you so much. I couldn't be happier to be here. And for the work that you're doing for everybody that truly truly needs a place to land a safe place to land and to, to share their their their stories and their voices. It's great work you're doing.

Thank you so much. Why don't we jump into your work and clarity? So I would love to start off with that question. Why you would never say I'm enough about yourself?

Well, because if you look at the definition of enough, it's only as much as is required. And so just by definition enough is really not enough, is it? I think that the more the more proper thing we need to be saying as we're very careful about the wording that we use when we describe ourselves or talk about ourselves is I am so much more than enough. And that's what I like to say to myself, and what I certainly was I know I'm more than enough. And I know you know all of you are more than enough. Everybody's listening. You certainly are. And I know you very well. And so the idea that we have to be even more careful about the wording that we're using, you know, I am enough just isn't enough anymore. It's I am so much more than enough.

I love it. I'm so much more than enough. And it's all about self esteem. Yes, that's what you wrote the whole book about self esteem regime.

Yep. Self esteem regime

for yourself. What inspired you to write this book,

the idea behind the book has been coming since my childhood really. And that was you know, when I would see my mother, a beautiful woman and she never wanted every picture taken because she just didn't come out and good in pictures. And she was always worried about gaining weight because she had a little baby fat when she was a child. And so I thought oh my gosh, all these constructs, you know, that my grandmother, beautiful woman she needed said she needed to lose weight. Well, she didn't need to lose any weight. She was beautiful. Just the way she was. She took two diet pills one day and she choked on them. She perforated her esophagus and spent six weeks in the hospital recuperating. So I thought well now that was silly. No, my grandmother is so beautiful. And I think it was I must have been 1011 and that was kind of silly. You know, why would she do that? I had the great fortune of work with some of the most beautiful women in the world the 1% of the supermodels that that you know that you see on the runways and on the covers of magazines and even some of the supermodels I noticed were not happy with themselves out of body dysmorphia, or toxic relationships or maybe drugs and drinking or whatever it is fill in the blanks, right? And they will lovely lovely girls and I thought to myself, well there's there's common denominator here. There's something going oh, how can the supermodel have something in common with my mom and home, you know, and there we were with, you know, the the common denominator being the lack of happy, self healthy self esteem. And it dawned on me that it was something we really didn't talk about that much. A lot of people think it's fufu and silliness. And there's so much more than what I invite you to think that self esteem is everything you are it's everything you say it's how you dress, it's what you the car in your driveway. Although you cannot buy self esteem, you know, you definitely are showing your success through self esteem in different ways. So self esteem is something that if your feet hit the ground in the morning and it is not intact and in its proper place, you're most likely going to be having difficulties with relationships and the relationships Start with yourself. Sure, and certainly with others,

self esteem is everything. That's where everything starts. It's about self image. And self awareness, everything, everything. Women gain weight, because their their self esteem is low, because their self love is low. If your self esteem and self love would be higher, you would never, ever allow yourself to do this to yourself or to your body.

Absolutely. So the idea of having higher self esteem is knowing that, you know, you've gotten to a point in life where stuff just not working, you're, you're it's not working, you're unhappy, you're not where you want to be your job, you know, where you want to be in relationships, you're just generally not happy. And so it's on you to say, okay, the buck stops here. And what I like to say, as the toxic stops here, it stops with me, doesn't matter what my natal tribe taught me, I thank them for what they imported all the information I got from them from the love the way they were able to love me, I thank them for that scuze me, certainly, they too, are imperfect beings. So we cannot expect perfection from imperfect humans, it's just not what we should do. So when we step up to the I'm going to put on my big girl britches plate and understand that they did the best they could I to for the moment, I'm doing the best I can do. So what I do is that what I did for my whole life, and I was going and read self help books, and being the person the personal growth section, which is where my book is, it's in the personal growth section. And the idea there is just being able to be one on one with yourself, and learning. What are the messages in each one of the different books that you might be picking up so that you can better yourself, my goal is to be a better person tomorrow than I am today. No matter what that is, it could be the littlest, most minut thing. But I know that I'm working on being better tomorrow than I am today is very important to me. So I offer the same things in my book, and to the reader. That you there's a there's a toxic that stops with you. The cancer stops here, whatever it was that they talked about, and imported, was what they knew. Now you get the good fortune of learning a whole bunch of really great stuff, from the books that you're about to read from the documents documentations that's exactly the document. So documentaries that you might be watching movies that you might be watching courses that you might be taking, and the like, because now we're so new with the clean slate to create the life that you really want to create,

you know, who become an average of five people who spent the most time with and like a five books read. So this is this is really a good timing for me as well. And Clarissa, you're talking about four pillars for living and esteem life? Would you share? What are those four pillars?

The four pillars are look good, feel good, be good and greater good. Now when you're looking good and uh, you know, you've got to look to your staff, and you're feeling pretty darn good about things you know, you know that when you're feeling good, you're taking care of yourself, that you have self respect to want to look good. You've got that covered and you're feeling great, feel good is diet, exercise nutrition, you'll We've even talked about that in my home, the debt, how important diet is and drinking enough water and ingesting the proper foods that are good for nutrition, exercise as well. All of these things are the things that keep us you know, between head and body that keep us in a very positive and motivational place. The next thing is be good. So all of the things you're learning, the education process, your finances, your relationships, all of the other things that form who we are. So being good at what we do, being good in our relationships, being good. As a person being kind as a person, the greater good aspect is giving back paying it forward tithing, volunteering, and just generally doing the right thing. A lot of people don't have financial resources to be doing broad stroke movements. Most people don't have lots of time to be even volunteering, but you can do little things all day long, that are kind things that are good things that makes someone else feel really good. And consequently you'll feel good as well because you've made someone else feel good. What I mean by that are the silliest things. Hold the elevator door open for somebody, you know, so simple to do, and a lot of people won't take that extra, that extra step helpfully a lady down the stairs with a beat carriage, it's a simple thing, it's the right thing to do. Getting on public transportation, and getting up, standing up and offering your seat to the elderly, or to a pregnant woman. Again, sometimes it's a smile, and nothing more, or a lovely compliment, you know, I'll go into a supermarket and sometimes I just love your top, you know, I'm, you know, and somebody, oh, yeah, it's just a nice kind thing to do. And what it does is elevate vibration, the kind thoughts, the good thoughts, the smile, the feeling, the feel goods, elevate vibration. And therefore, when you are putting out that vibrational energy, as we all know, into the universe and into your existence, that's what you're calling back.

You know, the vibration is a key word here. Everything starts from your vibration, if your vibration is low, it seems like everything is going wrong. But once you start lifting up your vibrations, everything is changes. And what I love about your book, Clarissa is it's actually a self help book with the steps that you just need to follow. Your life will transform. Yes,

that's why I called it a regime. Now, on your side of the world, the regime has not such a great connotation, because of the war, or wars that we saw. That was the that existed in Europe, on our side of the pond regime, is the proper definition, which is an organized way of doing things. And so I realized that the 12 chapters were organized in the proper order and in the proper steps, as the first chapter is released. So now you have a clean slate, get rid of the old, what doesn't serve you what, you know, you might have been taught that you need to unlearn which is a really, you know, it's a it's a, it's a gnarly process, you know, unlearning what you've learned. And it's some of it is so deeply ingrained, that just bringing that up and releasing it is it believe me, when I did the work is the book is work. I like to call it a playbook, it's really a workbook. It's a manual, it's a mission. And it's a movement. So happy, healthy self esteem. Should if we all lived in happy, healthy self esteem, can you imagine how much better this world would be? So the regime being an organized way of doing things, the 12 chapters in the last chapter, is reciprocity. There's a universal law about reciprocity, which is the, the, the idea or the law of give and take. And I remember under one of the the eye opening moments that I had was when I sort of sat around, and I wasn't proud of myself, and I'm gonna do it for everybody else. You know, very few people ever do something for me. And somebody said to me, once, you know, Clarissa, it's really hard to do for you, you have everything, you are everything, you do everything, their perception correct. And I My perception is not that, right. So it was very interesting to see and to learn, that I had to allow myself to be given to not only because it would make me feel good, but it would certainly make the other person that gave me something that wanted to give me something feel really good to. So even something as let's call it simple, which it's not, but the law of reciprocity, where I close out the book is something that we need to learn, give, let it go, don't give and then wait for something doesn't work out, give, let the universe do its thing. And then the Law of Reciprocity will take care of the rest.

You will look like you have it all together. And you have

lived with me for a couple of weeks, I think I'd like to think I had it all together. But you certainly were here when my life had just fallen apart. You know, my life had just fallen apart. I had just had COVID in a very bad way. I was losing hair and clumps, I mean clumps of hair, I was coming out of a toxic relationship and still very much, you know, you can still be in love with someone that was toxic. But know that, you know, you know that the right thing to do was to end it. It's been six months now and I'm not gonna lie when I say it still hurts. And I still think about it all the time. It feels out Clarice. He was so bad for you. Okay, yeah, I get that and that's why I ended it. But it doesn't necessarily mean that that the pain is gone. So knowing that self esteem and working on your self esteem when you read a book like mine, it will take you into a place where it will be uncomfortable. And I don't mean for a minute I don't mean for an hour it's going to get uncomfortable. It's going to some things that you will need to work on are going to be painful. Some things that you will work on you knew you've been having to work on for a while, and you just chose not to. And other things that you're going to work on are going to be how they're gonna be like, I never even knew that was an issue, you know. So there's, there's this learning process that I and I offer, that people read the book now, take everything that resonates everything that is a truth for you read it again in six months, eight months, because you're going to miss things that would not resonate for you in that moment, things that you're going to be ready for in eight months time that you weren't ready to hear now. And so this is the kind of what I call it a manual, a mission. And a movement is that you're constantly going to be a movement with your movement in self growth, in self worth, in wanting to be a better person more than you are today. Some people say, Well, you know, it's just so hard. And there's so much Yeah, and I mean, but you know that life shouldn't be hard. And when you're living in happy health, estate and self esteem, things will become easier, because you'll be able to identify what does work and what doesn't work for you. Don't be afraid of failure. You know, there's a lovely acronym that I love to use it's fail. People. What if I fail? I'm so afraid what if I don't, doesn't work? What if I fail will fail is nothing more than your first attempt in learning. And so every time you fail, you're that much closer to success. So I guarantee you that the first car that came off the assembly line wasn't the perfect car, the first light bulb that, you know, Einstein can, you know, create wasn't the, you know, there's there's constant evolution. And you should also be in constant and living in constant evolution.

Can I say you mentioned that I stayed at your place for two weeks. I just want to give a bit of background to my listeners. Clarissa is the most kind and welcoming person I've ever met. We,

we went around here, but outside of that, thank you.

Like, literally, we we met on the first day. We attended the event in Phoenix, Arizona. And there was a connection between you and my husband labelled straightaway. And then we went to visit you in a creek. And then you've invited us to stay with you for a couple of weeks. And it was like a dreams coming true. Because one of the most famous American and Italian supermodels and actress and the one of the main characters from my favorite childhood movie, The Never Ending Story was suddenly inviting us to stay with your Wow. And you know what it wouldn't be? It wouldn't happen. If me and my husband wouldn't put ourselves out of our comfort comfort zone and stretch out and come to this event. Just make it possible, you know, and meet new people. And talking about perceptions. I know your story. You you went, you've come a long way. What I was reading from your book. And now you you're so successful, and congratulations on all your success. You've been igniting just just recently. So now you became a dental lead. Then Clarissa

congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. It's a lovely, it's a great honor. And what

I read from your book is in your childhood, you perceived yourself as an ugly ducklings that claim.

I have pictures to prove to them. I didn't perceive. I have pictures to prove it. There were some very awkward moments growing up. Yes.

And I think many, many young girls will relate to you. How what's happened? How you went from your perception of being an ugly duckling duckling to a beautiful swan? What what did you do? What's happened?

Well, I mean, you know, we grow as we grow, I think things change a little bit. Certainly, when I was 1011 I never thought that I was going to take the path of a model. But I even when I was older, I mean, even when I was 20 I never thought that I could do it until somebody you know, took me into do some tests photography. I was in New York City, and I was you know, thin and you know, tall and so they took me in and we did the makeup and the hair and they got me in front of the camera. And the photographer saw something and really sort of, you know, sort of the makeup artists and they say girl, this is something you need to do. And so I started you know, looking at the modeling agency As a nurse in New York City, and I always picked up, but certainly, you know, I never really thought that, that my greatest dream would could ever come true. And every dream that I've ever had, um, that has come true. And that's a may not it didn't happen in my timing. It happened in divine timing. And it happened because after that, I felt that I could so I wanted to be an actress, and I acted that I wanted to be a producer. And I produced and I wanted to work on television, and I did and I wanted to sing. And and I have an album, you know, from back in the day and my, you know, my songs were on the radio I everything I ever wanted to do, I did now what I want to do is to see the entire world, especially women and children living in and men, please, we love men, but my heart beats where women's were the for the position and condition of women globally. And, you know, certainly we live in countries where we are, we're very, very, for men under many auspices many aspects, we're very, very lucky. And that is, you know, we don't, we don't have acid thrown in our faces, we don't have oppressive men in our lives that are trying to, you know, all of the different countries, we hear about different countries. So the things that break my heart, along with the way women are violated everywhere, let me just say everywhere, but in different ways. That is something that really, you know, it upsets me i It's something that, you know, I very completely against violence in any form against anyone. But I have a collaboration with the domestic shelters.org here in the United States, they actually are headquartered here in Phoenix, and there was a very long time, especially during COVID, we'll be putting up a public service announcements live, because most of the women that were being abused, were home with the abusers because they couldn't go to work. And so yeah, I am very, very passionate about the right. It is your birthright to live in peace, it is your birthright to live happily. It's your birthright to be respected. It's your birthright to live in a in a calm and peaceful environment. It is your birthright to you know, just live a happy existence. And not many people, you know, so many people don't get to do that. And that's why I do what I do. It's what you do, what you do,

how better your life feels, when you're when you're aligned with your values, and the birthrights.

And so people say, you know, what's the best way how to get started with happy, healthy self esteem. And that is to make a list of your values. It's a blueprint for your life. And this is where you will not waver from all the values that are important to you are the ones that you need to be living by, no matter where you are. And what happens when I say that, I mean, that life has many triggers as we go. And life will ebb and flow. You know, we have the ups and the downs. But when you're standing strong in your stead, when you've got the tools in the shed, that you need those resources, much like my book, and many others that are out there, you will weather the storm. So here comes the tornado here comes the hurricane here comes, you know, the monsoons, whatever you want to call it. But you may lose a leaf or two, you might even lose a branch. But you're not going to be uprooted and transported away with the storm. And that's where you have to have really done the work and be really strong again in your stead to make sure that your roots are firmly and deeply planted, so that nobody can come along anymore. And and treat you poorly. You're nobody's doormat. That's not why you just walk boundaries are extremely important to create. And people say, Well, I'm so afraid because well, fear, first of all, is not going to help you. So let's get past the fear. Secondly, boundaries you can create in a very happy way. You can create them with ease, and joy and glory. As you teach others how you would like and would not like to be spoken to, or treated or dressed or anything else a boundary is a very healthy thing to create. It doesn't have to be created in anger and scream it No, that's not a boundary. That's that's just an explanation of anger. You know, create your boundaries happily and easily. Another thing that I that I like to say on is that I like to live high. And when I say that I mean I like to live in honesty, radical honesty, honesty with myself and honesty with others. I very rarely realized veer from being 100% radically honest. The next one is integrity. Integrity to me is pretty much it's it's a very strong and very impactful and powerful word and living in integrity will put you in a whole different light. Living in the next one is Gee, gratitude, gratitude everywhere people say I've had such a shitty day. Did you really? Did you have a shitty day? Did you move over your head and people that loved you and food in the pantry? And are you healthy, there's always something to be grateful for. And the last, ah in high is living in honor, living with honor and love when people say to me closer to woman of honor. And I'll tell you a little story really quickly. I was on sort of the show survivor. Mm hmm. And of course, you don't get to

eat. And you're one is well, yes,

I did when one of the things that you get to, that you don't get is a lot of food, you they really you are starving. So there were a couple of younger girls that were very beautiful girls and running around and bikinis. And, you know, so they were playing the guys that were the production team just a little bit different. So as we became, as we came to one of the games, we had to do, that we had to get into a helicopter. And the hell they had, they had convinced the helicopter guy to go into the, into the little store at the heliport, and buy some food to bring on the helicopter because they, you know, they could eat and nobody would see them, the production team wouldn't see them. So I was sitting in the front and the two girls were sitting in the back. And they and they tapped me on the shoulder because it's very noisy. And they were offering me food to eat now remember, we're starving, we're losing weight, were really hungry. And I looked at them like, No, thank you. Well, I did two things. It, it, it, it really made me feel good. And very proud about the integrity and the honor that I brought to the game because there were rules. And I followed the rules. And it also in marginated, et distance them from me and our friendship, because now they were afraid that I would turn them in, or they were afraid now really about what I would think of them. If you think about it now doesn't bother me, you can do whatever you want. But when I say living in honor, you must be doing the right thing always. Even when no one else is in the room. When you're the only person in the room, you always must do the right thing because that is the true you.

You can't hide from yourself. Actually,

my true self, you know, there's another really great saying that I love and it's don't betray your conscience. Your conscience knows your conscience tells you you know, right from wall, don't betray your conscience. It's there for a reason. It's got your back.

It's got your back exactly what he said, you know, some people might think it's easier for you to talk about the gratitude and the self esteem and self love. Like you had a perfect life. Not many people would understand that you had to go through some challenges to achieve all this success. What are those some some some of the challenges you had to go through?

Right? Well, definitely on the cognitive challenges, the natal home was very difficult. There was a violence, alcoholism, a very difficult place to grow up in. By the time I was 16, or 17. I have always had a knot in my stomach. And they they wanted to put me on stomach relax, since they told me the doctor decided to take it because it's a drug, I'm not gonna start taking things to relax my stomach. The issue was what was happening at home. And so that was a very good way. I know that I left that environment with PTSD. I know it as the my brother who passed away two months or two years ago. Thanks, yes, for cancer. So there was a very, very difficult the home environment. When I started to live on my own, certainly there was I didn't have the tools, any tools in the shed, I didn't have social tools. I didn't have really much education. I mean, I had gone to high school and unwell. But that was really it. So I had to learn what I call on the streets of the world, what exactly life was all about, and what it held in store for me. You know, you learn a lot and you take all the blows, you know, you take them on the cheek, right? And just keep coming until you go away that kind of guy. Now I've had enough of that. Let me let's rethink this. Let me What can I do to really change my life. And that's what I did when I first got to Paris and I was modeling and I'm talking about 1981 Maybe 1982 I was a model. I had no money, I had no help. And I had enough money on it to get myself to Paris in economy and boom from economy. And I ate the entire almost the entire time I was there. I ate fruit from the vendors and mostly bananas. So I had bananas for breakfast bananas for dinner and bananas for lunch. You know, because that's what I could afford. When I got to Italy. I had just a few. I had about $500 in my pocket, and I couldn't open up. And that was my life savings. So I had the ticket to go home, and $500 of my life savings at the time. So I was living in a model apartment, and I didn't want to leave my little pouch with the money like $500 Swiss, so I took it with me. And we went to a discotheque. And we sat down at a table of people that all were at the same agency, but we knew each other sort of, and I went out onto the dance floor, which is where I lived in the 80s on the dance floor, and the 70s, too. But when I came back, the people that I had entrusted my little wallet to

were gone, your left is serious

with my money. So now halfway across the world, I'm in Italy, I'm now I'm almost like 23 or something 22 823 And I am installing this model apartment, I have no money at all, I'm just starting. I mean, I'm just getting to Italy, I don't speak the language. I'm just getting there I went and I told the agency about I called my mother first collect. And I said mom, you know, this is what's happened. And she said, Well, honey, you can always come home. And that was another life changing moment, that's when the big girl britches go on. And you you know, you decide I am not going I cannot move back, I cannot move forward, backward, I must move forward and I will find a way. And so that's how my my the whole modeling thing started was very, very difficult. So life was not always easy. The modeling didn't happen overnight, took a good year, about a year, you know, to struggling again on a we didn't have computers and internet or cell phones back in the day. You walked around Milano with a you know paper map, and you kept turning it looking at the street signs and hoping you were going to get to your destination. And Milano is a big city and then you had to learn the you know, the public transport system. And anyway, it was nothing more than, you know, life changing. And I certainly learned a lot and it was it was wonderful. It was it was great. But yeah, as you said, it certainly wasn't always easy. No, I had no help at all. There was no help from home. There was no support from home. There was no money certainly,

but you tune into your superpower. Clarissa I am wondering, what is your most favorite myth about supermodels

that they're stupid? So you debunk the myth? Right? Take a look at all of the women that have done amazing things that were supermodels. I mean from you know Cindy Crawford to I can't even remember all the names now you've probably remember them better than I do. But the supermodels that that had done really really amazing things Elle McPherson has done you know, I mean, these are all the super models and super entrepreneurs this well Christy Turlington, same thing, you know, they all are doing lots of girls that I could name that worked with me also, you know, doing turning to artists, photographers, you know, entrepreneurs doing amazing things. one's awesome. So many Yeah, lives in a castle in you know, Italy. I mean, there's lots of really great stories that, you know, the beautiful woman or the supermodel was stupid. And they certainly weren't. A lot of us back in the day. We were young, and we were working our way through this thing called life. But certainly they're very, very, very intelligent. Ladies.

I'm happy you're, you share this. Because as well reading your book, I didn't realize so that supermodels can be very self conscious. As well like you when you're looking at you know at all those beautiful gorgeous women. You think they have it all? Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah. Well, that's that exception. Again, yeah.

And certainly under they have they have you ever again. They have their own paths. To look at them. It's the perception that they are beautiful women, but you never know until you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes, what, what you know where they're coming from and where they're going to what they might be struggling with, which is why I love to create support systems, and why I talk about the importance of support systems in the book. You know, we don't get to choose our natal tribe and not everyone comes from happy healthy home lives. And certainly you cannot turn back for support. You need to learn how to love them where they're at. Thank them for what they were able to give you and then create the life that you want for yourself. So supermodels are no exception.

Clarissa what would be your best advice? For someone who is looking to start the self esteem path? Or who? Who wants to start loving herself himself? What would be your best advice?

Well, I think that if somebody's looking for happier healthier self esteem, first of all, that's a phenomenal congratulations and welcome on board. Self esteem is nothing that is never something that you take a test for and get 100 You're never got to get 100 on your self esteem test, and pass and never have to think about it. Again. It's an ongoing, it's an ongoing thing that you will be dealing with your entire life. I still to this day, have my daily demons and my daily demons used to consume me. For all of the things that aren't No, I wasn't good enough for so many different things and all the the reading that I wanted to do with myself, and here they came again until one day I went, are you back? Like really? Okay? Enough, right. So I don't listen to them anymore. I do a treat myself differently. I allow myself to have my moments. If I if I do feel frustrated, nope. That's great to have your minute, your two minutes or five minutes, get it over with and move on. Because you know, it's not serving you, you will learn as you move forward and self esteem, what really is important, what's not, what really works for you and what's not, what is your truth. And what was something else that was just you know, shoved down your throat, but it is not your truth. And I mean that when I say about the natal tribe, it could be your faith, there might be some things in religion that you were taught that don't necessarily resonate, take what works for you and leave the rest. The same thing you can say with your universities, colleges, the friends that you made there, the educated education that you got there, some of those things may resonate, others may not take what works for you, as long as you are moving in a in a forward motion in a positive way. Use what works for you be do be the best you you know, they say do you boo, will do you will

the uniqueness is the best thing.

Live Hi live, like I said before, you know live in honesty, integrity, gratitude and honor. If you can, you can master those. Because it'll take a minute, take a while but you know, do that, you know, be careful about how you speak to yourself. Learn how to accept yourself live, how to learn how to live purposefully, you know, with purpose, learn self responsibility. Oh, that's a big one. And it's one of the chapters in the book responsibility. Where have you taken responsibility in your life for yourself? And where have you not taken responsibility that you should take responsibility for, you know, what was? What was the reason for the fight, the argument, the breakup, or whatever, where were you? Where was the part of, you know, your responsibility and all of that. Yeah, live consciously take moments for self care, be good to yourself. Be kind with your words, when you when you're talking to yourself, be a shining light, be the chef font and when you start to do the work, we do the work in a book and you finish it. Again, this is this is a blueprint in and of itself. But when you do the work in the book, you'll start to see the light at the end of the tunnel getting bigger, and it gets bolder, and it gets brighter. And then it's so beautiful, the light that you will you know, that you'll be walking toward and into. And I know it sounds woowoo but it's the truth. The people you'll attract the relationships will be in the work that you know, I get up with it. I love getting up and going to work because I love what I'm doing. I love media. And I love the position and condition of women. I love wanting to help other people understand how phenomenal they are when they don't think

it's a it's a way it's a font of foundation for everything. And then everything. Everything else will be coming into your life.

As all demand,

Clarissa that way people can find your book. They find the book. Well

first of all, it's so cool when I walk into Barnes and Noble and walk into Barnes and Noble and it's right there on the shelf. Really cool. So the answer the question, it's it's Barnes and Noble stores, Barnes and Noble. Online or certainly amazon online, where you can get the hard copy you can get Kindle, so the digital version or you can get the audio version. But when I walk into the store and then I see my book, you know my last name is Bert. So I am right next to Brene Brown, who's been on Oprah she's another you know mega superstar. Then we've it's right next to Deepak Chopra. And then Dr. Joe Dispenza. And I I pinch myself because it's just So dark pool to be in the presence of such greatness when it comes to wanting to live your greater good. It's all right there for you. The books are there I said books, documentaries, courses, classes, support systems, masterminds, friends, people. It's all there. It's going to take the work that you need to apply. But you can do it, you will do it. And it's going to be an extraordinary life, if that's what you truly want.

Amazing. Clarissa before we go, do you have any concluding thoughts?

Yeah, I do. Another one that I really love to leave everybody with is loyalty is when you have somebody's back behind your back. Loyalty is when you have my back behind my back. So when we go back to talking about living in integrity, living in all honesty, living in honor, when you're at the watercooler or you're with a group of friends, and they're saying, you know, that Suzie Q, she's gained some weight, she doesn't look so good, or she's just such a biatch. You know, you can say, Hey, guys, I know. So Suzie Q and that's not my, that's my experience of her. She maybe she was just having a bad moment or a bad day, or maybe she needed a hug. Maybe she needed some love or some understanding. I know what she didn't need is for you to stand in. You're talking rotten about her. Now, I may not say all of that. I'm thinking a lot of that. But are you the person that's going to go Yeah, you're right. No, she really is. Or are you going to say, Listen, rethink her a minute, go back and see if maybe she could use you know, some help. Maybe she needs a helping hand. Maybe she needs somebody to talk to. Maybe she needs a kind word. If we can continue to stop ourselves check in. Because our first you know, as humans our first our first thought is to Yeah, right. And Judge. Is that tribal? It's like the coyotes here in Arizona. You've heard them right. When they catch the when they catch the kill, you've heard them and when they get they start going off, everybody. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye, bye. It's a tribal frenzy. Step out of that. That's not I know, that's not in your value system. It's not part of your moral code. It's not who you really want to be. So don't be that to be the cool kid. Nobody I don't care about cool cool, never got me anywhere

and create their own tribe.

Kindness. Yeah, make your own tribe of kind people and people that will will pull you up and will help you along the way.