Ep.36- Beauty Triumphs From the Ashes: A Tough Conversation About Sexual Abuse, Abortion and Pro-Life and Love (Part 2)

I know you, you are afraid to speak up, you are scared of what other people think of you. And you blame yourself for what happened to you. I know how it feels. Because I've been there. If you found me, I'm so grateful you're here, this podcast will give you hope. And now I'm your host, Anna ditchburn. I'm going to hold your hand and provide the guidance that I needed the most. It's time for you to find your why. And turn your experience into your superpower. So lock your door, put your headphones in, and enjoy. Kelly and how did you find your way back to faith. And God,

it was like most everything else was pretty, pretty dramatic. So had the incident in New Orleans, came back to Virginia had the incident with my dog. And then a couple of weeks after that I was sitting in my dad's church, and it was the end of the service. And he gave an altar call, as he always did at the end of the service. And I'm sitting there and and I hear the voice of God, like the audible voice of God. And he said, Have you had enough? And you had enough? Have you had enough? And it was this? It was this broken hearted? Dad tight voice you know, it wasn't like, Have you had enough? You know, it wasn't angry. It wasn't disappointed. It wasn't anything. It was just like, loving, like calling out to me, you know, and just saying, Kelly Have you had enough? And I'm like, you know, God, you know, I don't have this. And I'm don't have that you know what I'm going through all the things. And then I heard again, I heard him say if you follow me, I will make Beauty from Ashes, which I did not know at the time, but was the Scripture Isaiah 61, where it talks about basically restoration. And, and I then after he said I will make Beauty from Ashes. I said, Well, how are you going to make beautiful, you know, being molested and being raped and all the things you know that happened? And he did not respond to me, because oftentimes God does not answer us. And I, you know, after that I joined a community of women that led me through Bible study, and I started replacing lies with truth. And they would call, you know, if I was doing something I shouldn't be doing or having a thought that I shouldn't be having they would call me out on it, and really became a community around me to walk with me to answer questions. You know, when I would? What does it look like to be a Christian woman? What does it look like to be a Christian wife? What does it look like to be a mother, you know, all of these kinds of things, they would lovingly show me that, and hold me accountable for things you know. And I got married pretty quickly after all of that. And you know, being married to my husband, he was the first man that did not treat me like garbage. You know, he was the first man that saw me for who I was. And really, you know, the Bible talks about laying down their life. Husbands lay down your life as Christ, love your wife as Christ did, laying your life down for her, couldn't get that up. But he actually did that, you know, he actually served me and loved me. And, you know, I would try to push him and try to make him do things that both guys in the past have done. And he wouldn't do it. And, you know, really showed me the love of God. And you know, and so just through time of renewing my mind, being in relationship with Healthy People, it slowly broke off and doing a lot of inner healing and doing a lot of those kinds of things. You know, and it's still and still doing all of those things, quite honestly. It broke off all of those things from my path and, and going through hard times, and God showing up, you know, there was a time where we didn't have any money. And my husband had lost his job and we didn't have any groceries and we walked out on our front porch and our whole front porch was full of groceries. And like not just stuff that like you would just generically buy for people but like my husband is lactose intolerant. It was like Lactaid milk, and you know, like special things that somebody that really knew us and I still to this day don't know who did that. Unbelievable. Yeah, God just showed up and took care of us. And so that so through that process, you know Your faith grows and your faith gets stronger. And then, and then I began sharing my story. And you know, after being healed, and that was where I realized, okay, this is how when God told me he was going to make Beauty from Ashes, this is how he makes it beautiful. Because you can't make beautiful being molested, you know, you can't make beautiful being raped. But when I share that story with people, and somebody goes, you know, I've never told anybody this but, or, Hey, I've got a child who's lost, who I'm praying for, you know, and you've given me hope that we can come back. That's how that is made beautiful. And so you know, through that process, that's, that's how it's happened.

One of them waiting story.

Well, it's a story for sure. It's the story of the Lord and His goodness and His redemption, no question about it. And, you know, I tell people, God not only saved me, which would be amazing. Like, it wouldn't be amazing if he just saved me. But he has restored and redeemed every aspect of my life. You know, like, even now, the house that I'm sitting in is the house that I grew up in. So my husband and I, a year ago, bought the house that I grew up in, and are renovating it and live here with our children. And so, you know, memories that I had, from my past that were bad memories have been replaced with amazing memories of my family and my kids, you know, and so it's, it's pretty, it's pretty cool to see what the Lord has done.

Wonderful. And it's very, very courageous to get back to the house. To back to the church. Yeah, in a way you've been accused. Yeah, in running to this party and, and kids are going to the same school. Yeah. So yeah, like

the church where the youth pastor said that, to me, when we moved back to Richmond, it was right during COVID. And there were no preschools open, because obviously, you know, COVID is there. And then they started opening some of them. And we searched through the entire city of Richmond for a place for my son to go to preschool. And there was one place that had an opening. And it was a preschool in the basement of the church where that youth pastor had said that to me. And so now, instead of having, you know, when I think of that church, instead of having that memory, I have the memory of my beautiful little boy coming out, you know, to the car line and going to his school and seeing him there, my kids. Well, now he because that's been a couple years ago, he and all my other kids are going to the school where my husband went to school where some of his stuff in his life happened. And so, again, God, you know, redeemed that where, you know, we get to think of our kids there. So yeah, there's just a lot of, there's a lot of areas of our story where God has not only saved it, but you know, replaced it and redeemed it. So it's a pretty, pretty cool thing.

You know, Kelly, the only regret I have when I was first abused, and I was actually also molested when I was three years old. And I remember I told my grandmother, but she didn't believe me. And when I was sexually abused by my stepfather, the only thing I regret about that I didn't tell to anyone, apart of my one school friends from school friend. And I just, I'm just thinking, if I would have a chance to go back, I would probably go until it to more people and ask for help. And ask for help until I get it.

Yeah, but you you have to understand, I mean, you were in a culture where that would have been. I mean, that would have been crazy. I mean, you would have gotten you would have been disrespectful. You know what I mean? Like, it's, it's not like a culture, like I have here in America where you know what I mean? It is definitely a very, it's a very different thing.

It makes a huge difference. Yes, I agree with you. And I feel like the changes start with us. I honestly, I don't know how I would react on people's judgement. Back. Back then. I would probably hang myself. Yeah. From all the all the hates I got now when I open up in my hometown, but I feel responsible for those for those kids. Because this crime is happening behind closed doors and in the silence, and it doesn't matter what culture it is.

Yeah. COVID It increased exponentially. With the lock downs for COVID unforced Generally, you know, because kids weren't going to school where teachers could see warning signs, know that alcohol abuse and drug abuse increased exponentially during that time. And so, you know, when that happens, abuse also increases. I mean, that's just they kind of go hand in hand. And so it's, I'm, I'm fearful for what we're gonna hear with numbers of kids who experienced that and had no way to tell anybody, you know. And yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's hard. It's a hard thing,

Kelly, for those who is listening to this podcast, and would love to tell their story. Where should they start? How?

Yeah, I think the first thing, so I had been told for a long, long, long time, you're going to be a speaker, you're going to be a speaker, you're going to be a speaker, you're going to be a speaker. And I always thought, How do you do that? You know what I mean? What does that look like? How do you become a speaker, and I reached out to some people and tried to make it happen. And it never happened. And I actually this past weekend in Alabama, filming with an organization called Broken, not dead, you should check them out. But there was a bunch of bunch of people there. And a lot of them are new speakers, or people that are just now kind of starting out. And I had one in particular that as I'm talking to her, I can tell she is still not healed. You know, there are areas where she really is broken and not healed. And I finally told her, I said, Look, you need to get you you are not ready, you are not ready to speak, you are not ready to put your story out there in a in this kind of a way, because you still need a lot of healing. And I think for me, once I got that healing doors just opened, like I didn't have to try. It was like, literally doors open wide. And I was sitting there going, oh my goodness, how did this happen? I didn't even

just things just started to come to life. Yeah,

I mean, it was like, I was like, turned around all of a sudden, I'm like, How did I even get here? You know. So I think for people, the first thing that you have to do is get healing. And when I talk I'm I mean, and that doesn't mean you have to be all the way fully healed, because we're always going through healing, you know, but there should be no area that's untouched. And I had gone for a long time, getting healing on the abuse and getting healing on, you know, the domestic violence and getting healing on the abortions. But there was one area that I had never gotten healing on. And that was actually I actually worked in an abortion provider for nine months. And that was something I'd never gotten healing one because that was like the unpardonable sin that you couldn't tell anybody. The moment I started the healing process for that, that's when all the doors opened wide. And so, you know, I think that that is the first step has to be the first step. And as you do that, then I think things will open up, then I would say start small. You know, if you're a Christian, I would say started like a women's ministry. Or if you're a guy started, the Men's Ministry started Sunday schools, you know, start in small things, start it with a couple of friends sitting around with a couple of friends and tell your story, and then just kind of see where it goes from there. I mean, depending on what the story is, there are different avenues to go. But I feel like it's got to come through healing, you know, and if that doesn't start, then the rest of it is not going to be good. It's not going to be good for you. And it's not going to be good for others either. So that would be my suggestion.

What an amazing suggestion. And I 100% agree with you. It should be it should be some healing done first. So you're not coming from the place of victim. But you come from a place of a winner. Yeah, Kelly, I am conscious of our time. And my last question. You also worked in a same abortion clinic where you had your one of your abortions. And you mentioned mentioned this for nine months. What some of the things you've learned during your your working there that really terrified you.

Yeah, everything about you know, I went there trying to help women, I was running drugs and bartending and wanted to get out of that chaos and do something to help women and so I went there. Now I had no medical background. I got hired as a receptionist. And while I was there, my job was first off the reception area, which makes sense as a receptionist, but part of what I had to do was I edited magazines, and so we would take a magazine and look through it and anything that might cue a woman to want to continue her pregnancy we would take it out. So like if There was a minivan at, if there was an engagement ring at anything in there happy couples or babies, you know, obviously diapers, we would cut it out, because we didn't want anything to cue that like maternal instinct on her. And the other thing we would do is when guys would come, because where I live, there was a 24 hour waiting period at that time. So you would come first for your first appointment, and then you would come back 24 hours later for your actual procedure. And so oftentimes guys would come with them for that first appointment, and they would sit in the waiting room, and we would turn the heat very, very hot, or the air conditioning very, very cold, because we wanted him to get up and leave. Because we did not want her to feel supported by him. Because if he won't even support you for this appointment, what makes you think he's gonna support you for having a child? Yeah. And you hear that? And you think, Oh, my gosh, that is so manipulative, like, why would you do that? You know, but you have to realize that I was those girls. And it was phrased to me of Kelly, this is a really hard decision. You know, this is really hard. And we want to make it as easy for her as possible. And I'm like, You're right, it is hard, you know. And so then the other area that I was in charge of was the recovery room. And so most of the women that came into our clinic had a sedation appointment. So it was a you're under Twilight sedation, which a lot of procedures sometimes need procedures, like colonoscopies, different things, they put you under that sedation. And with that you are awake, but you have zero memory of the experience. And it's a it's a mixture of drugs, fentanyl being one of them, and you go in. So you have this cocktail of drugs, they do the procedure, then you're in the waiting room, and 20 minutes on the dots, I would come in, give you your bag of clothes, give you a cookie, give you juice and get you out the door. Now remember, I was not a doctor, I was not a nurse, I was not a medical professional. I was the receptionist. But that was part of my job. The number of women that were there that were hemorrhaging from their procedure is what finally made me leave. Because in the cases where a woman was hemorrhaging, what we would do is we would take her back to the procedure room, give her more drugs, fix whatever had happened, take her back to the recovery room, 20 minutes later, send her on her way, and never tell her what had happened. So if we had perforated a uterus or perforated about or, you know, if there had been something happened, we would not tell her what had happened. And so and I know this is probably sensitive for you. What I realized that day was that we were not just ending their pregnancy that day. But we were also potentially ending their opportunity to ever become mothers. And that I had a problem with because I wanted to be a mom one day, you know, I wasn't ready at that time. But I did want to be a mom one day. And so I just saw the manipulation. And I saw that's when it all started coming, you know, and then seeing the way that these women were spoken to by the staff. And I'm like, gosh, did they talk about me like that? You know, because again, I was one of those women, they talked to me like that, that they talk about me like that, you know, everything was done anywhere we could cut a corner or bypass something, we did that. So for instance, like all the prescriptions were pre filled out and pre signed, which is completely illegal, like you cannot have you cannot do that the charts where you would have to go to the the contents of the uterus would go to a room called the POC room, and they have to put everything back together. And that is how they make sure that the entirety of the the baby makes sure that all the parts of the baby are accounted for because it's a blind procedure where you don't see what's happening. And so that's how they made so after that a doctor is supposed to go okay, this was seen this was seen this was seen and sign off on it. Well, the doctors would pre sign the charge. So there was never any like accountability. So when people talk about it being medical care, that's probably not the kind of medical care you want. You know, the doctors were in and out of the room in three to five minutes. The women were already in the stirrups already sedated already ready to go the doctor comes in does the procedure leaves goes to the next room does the procedure leaves because the next room does. So there was never a feud between a woman and her doctor. This There was never a doctor involved in communicating with the woman. You know, so there was just a lot of things that I realized this is not helping women. This is not good health care. This is You know, all around all around just bad. And so that's, that's why I left.

Oh, I wish all the girls would hear this story before they even, you know, allow the sexual experience happened. Yeah, just to prevent this. It's for me it's not about what can we do with 15 years old pregnant girl for me it's about education, how to prevent this from happening in the first place. So. So all those young women don't go through this experience. And I remember myself, I was I was in and out. Yeah, like, instantly. As soon as I woke up, we're going back to home. And few years later, when I was probably 23, seven years later, I took a friend of mine, to the same cleaning for sure abortion, and it was completely different attitude. She got physiotherapy straight after the abortion, like, a few, you know, few sessions, she was checked by the doctor all the time, she had to go back, you know, just for general check. I never happen to me for some reason. And I think because I was underage. And because, and because my stepfather set it up. So I was in and out, I was by myself literally sitting in this room, signing the document that I may not have children in the future. And now, I remember this moment in reading this line. I was like, it stuck in my head. But I didn't really pay attention to this. And now I remember.

Yeah, yeah. And you know, the thing is, I can tell you in here in the United States, they're not doing any of that. I mean, they, that used to be that there was a follow up appointment that was suggested, no one ever came back for it. Because, you know, you don't want to, nobody wants to go back for that. Yeah, I don't want to go through that again. But now they don't even suggest it. And with the new abortion, I mean, it's not new. It's been around this whole time, but the one that's becoming more popular, which is the chemical abortion, which is abortion by pill, a lot of times women are not even going into the office, they're doing it just like you and I are. So you're the patient, I'm the doctor, I asked you when the date of your last menstrual cycle is based on that we determine the gestational age, if it is under 10 weeks, then I will send you pills in the mail, you take them at home and do the entire procedure at home by yourself. And the problem with that is is that data of your last menstrual cycle is not an accurate way to determine gestational age. And so and that's if you know the date of your last menstrual cycle, which most people do not, you know, especially young girls, or athletes, or you know what I mean, it's such a wide thing. And you're doing this at home with no follow up. And so if all the parts don't come out, you know, or if something is left in the uterus, there's no follow up care, there's no way to indicate it. And women are doing this procedure at home. And so when their baby is coming out, they are seeing that entire process. And we're hearing stories of women showing up with their aborted child in their hand and saying what am I supposed to do with this and try it because they don't know how to they don't want to flush it down the toilet, you know. And so the trauma that comes from it, and I have had one so I've had to first one second. And I've had one bad pill, this chemical abortion, that pill. It was by far the most traumatic of all of my abortions, for that very reason. Because you're not sedated. You're not going to an office, you have full memory of the entire thing. You were doing it to yourself, and you were doing it in your home. And so every time I went to the bathroom, I had the memory just like for you when you went you know, when you go back to where you had it. There's this memory that triggers I had that memory triggered so I ended up having to move because it was so traumatic, I couldn't stay there anymore. And so it is very dangerous and very scary and very traumatic and were women who had surgical abortions. A lot of times it takes on average we're finding five to 10 years for there to be a regret from a surgical abortion. Women who are doing the chemical abortion, it's on average three to five days, where they're having this immense feeling of what have I done what's going on, you know all of these things. So it's, you know, again, for young women that are out there listening, if that is something that you want to do, which I do not suggest, by any stretch of the imagination, make sure that you go and get an ultrasound before you do this. So that you can ensure of the gestational age, make sure if at all possible, go to a doctor and do it. You know, try, I mean, it's dangerous. Again, I'm not trying to suggest it at all. But if you feel like this is your only option, and you must do this, please take precautions. Because it is, according if you look at the packet of the medication, part of what it says to do is have an ultrasound before you take it. And seven to 14 days afterwards, have an ultrasound to make sure that the contents of the uterus are out. We're not doing that. The abortion industry is not doing either one of those things, and it is so very dangerous. So so so very dangerous.

I'm so glad we start talking about this. Because, again, no one, no one said to me, Hey, you're gonna you might have some really horrendous consequences. And they found that one of the abortions, they mentioned my uterine wall, and they because it was not chemical, but mechanical abortion. They literally scrape to scrape it the whole thing.

Yeah, I mean, that's what they do. So the way abortions and a lot of people don't know this is okay, if I explain it and kind of Yes, yes, please. So imagine that you have a weight wet paper bag, okay, that is your uterus, and it's inside of your body, and they take a suction that is 50 times stronger than like a vacuum in your house, blindly, they put that inside of the wet paper bag, and they pull out all of the contents of the uterus, they then take a thing called a curette. It's like a hook that has like a, like a loop on the top of it, that's a knife. And they put that in again blindly to this wet paper bag, and they scrape to get all of the contents out. Now what do you think the chances are doing it blindly, knowing that all women are different, all bodies are different blindly doing that, that there's going to be some kind of an issue pretty high, especially if the doctor's goal is to be in and out in three to five minutes. Like it is very common. It is very common that people have complications that there is scar tissue or things left, you know, and so you I would love to say that you are the exception, but I don't think that you are I think that your experience is probably more of the norm than the exception, unfortunately.

Kelly, do you think is it possible to grow this epidemic back? Do you think it's possible to to do something about it?

I don't know. I think that I think that like with anything like I tell people, you know, when you go in for a surgery, let's say you go in for knee surgery, and they go over all of it in the beginning, right? This is what could happen. This is what might happen. This is what we're doing, et cetera. And then when you go in for the procedure, at the end of it if something goes wrong, which sometimes things go wrong, and the doctor sits with you and says, Hey, during the procedure, this is what we plan to do. But this went wrong. And this happened. What is the doctor gonna say we now suggest that you go to this person for a follow up and this person for a follow up. And you know what I mean? There's after care because of what happened wrong. I don't know whether it can be fixed or not. But I know that the instructions when something like that happens should not be here's this birth control. See later, the instructions to be there was a complication during your procedure. This happened, we now need you to go see your OB, your OB GYN, and we need you to you know what I mean, there needs to be a follow up and some kind of care because I don't know I'm not an OB GYN, but I know that left unchecked, there's probably a pretty good chance that nothing's going to be done. But if you were talking to a doctor, there may be things that could be done and under their care. So I think that's that's the part that really bothers me so much is that, you know, we're not even giving them a chance like it is a surgery. You know, it is a medical procedure. Things do happen, you know, and yes, I don't think we should put our bodies at risk or take that chance but if some thing goes wrong? Don't we have the right to know to know that we can potentially fix something about something? If nothing else, no. So that for the rest of your life, you're not going, why can't I get pregnant? Why isn't this happening? Why am I having this? At least you know, you know, I mean, and so it would help you could start the healing then instead of 10 years later, trying to figure out why this has happened. So yeah, I, I think that's super important. And I and I tell some friends, I'm gonna have friends that are pro choice. And you know, we talk very openly and you know, they have children, and I'm like, Look, if you are ever in a situation where your daughter is going to have an abortion, you know, how I feel about it, not fighting chance, you know, a proponent for this, you make sure that you go in with her. Yeah, and I don't care if she's 1618 2838, you go with her, and you advocate for her. And you make sure that you speak to the doctor, not just the nurse, not just the you know, you speak to the doctor, and you make sure that after the procedure, you see the file, make sure that everything was done and taken, you know, like, if you're going to choose this, make sure you have to advocate for yourself, because they are not going to advocate for you. And you know, so I would say that to anyone listening, you know, if if it's a decision that you make, which I do not support or think you should you make sure that you advocate for yourself, because they're not, they're not going to do it because they don't make money off of it. They don't make money off of your follow up appointment, they don't make money, you know, off of there being something happening. They don't want there to be a record of an issue. And so you have to fight for yourself with that.

That's a gold. Kelly, thank you so much. If people wouldn't love to know more information about you where they can find you.

So I have a speaker's page on Facebook. Kelly Lester, speaker, you can also go to Ambassador, speaker's bureau, I am listed on there. And I worked for two great ministries, you can go to pro love. So PR O L O V e.com. And that will take you to the landing pages for the two ministries that I work for one's called, and then there were none, we get abortion workers out of the abortion industry. And then the other one is pro love ministries. And we do we have a bunch of different groups that we work with. One of them is our project, where we help women in crisis. So women like that 15 year old me and 15 year old you can contact us and we will walk with them, and we will help them and support them. So those are those are kind of the areas.

Amazing. Amazing. Kelly, before we go, do you have any concluding thoughts?

Wow, I have your that's a loaded question. concluding thoughts, I would say reach out. If you are struggling with domestic violence or drug addiction, or finding out that you're pregnant or having been molested, reach out to somebody reach out and get help. You are not alone. You are not the only person that this has ever happened to. And there is help out there for you. And not only is there hope out there for you, but there is healing. You don't have to stay a victim. You don't have to stay in that. There is you and I are two great examples of what can happen when you get healing and turn your life around. And so there is hope there is hope and help for you out there.

Kelly, thank you so much. It's been my longest podcast ever. I just couldn't stop asking you questions. What an absolute pleasure having a conversation with you such a deep and meaningful conversation with you. I've learned a lot today. So thank you so much for sharing.

Thanks for having me on. And I'm not surprised I'm long as I have a big mouth. So