Transforming Trauma: How to Embrace Healing and Self-Love After Loss

[00:00:00] Harmony: Welcome, I'm Harmony Slater, your host of the Finding Harmony podcast. Over the past 20 years, I've taught thousands of yoga teachers and students to explore the intersection between ancient wisdom and modern everyday life, using mind body practices to heal, awaken, and manifest their dreams from the inside out. [00:00:22] Harmony: This podcast is a for those feeling overwhelmed by life's challenges. Are you ready to jump in and discover? Remember how these challenges aren't actually in the way, but are the way, to finding harmony? Let's invite the magic back in. [00:00:42] Hi, welcome to the Finding Harmony podcast. I am your host Harmony, and today I am connecting with a dear friend of mine, someone who's very, very close to me. She, of course, is an authorized level two, a strung, a yoga teacher. She is also a therapist and a [00:01:00] coach, and wrote. The book, the Essential Guide to Trauma Sensitive Yoga, how to Create Safe Spaces for All. [00:01:09] She also has her own podcast called Beyond Trauma, and this interview was first released on her podcast last year, and so we are offering it again today because I felt like it was so meaningful. It was such a powerful conversation actually looking at how subtle trauma can be and how it. Influences and impacts us in many, many ways, also impacts our bodies in physical ways. [00:01:38] It can affect our health, it can affect our healing rates, it can affect our relationships, and we don't always know that it's these very subtle, cumulative traumas that maybe we're not processing. That is really creating this type of negative impact in our lives, and then [00:02:00] some of the things that we can do to help [00:02:02] transform to help release, to help process the trauma that we have been experiencing, and we might not even recognize it as trauma, and that's sort of an interesting thing. We also touch upon past generational trauma, which is. Very fascinating how we carry trauma with us through generations and how that can affect us on different levels. [00:02:27] So it's a really, really powerful conversation that I think you will love and enjoy listening to, and especially if you have an interest or you feel like maybe you haven't been touched by trauma, but maybe there's a health condition you're struggling with or a problem, you can't really put your finger on why you're experiencing a certain, um. [00:02:49] Emotion or a certain repetitive pattern in your life that feels unhealthy, uh, but you just can't seem to get rid of it. This. Episode, [00:03:00] this conversation might give you some insight into why that is happening, and also help you reflect on your own life and some of your own experiences and inquire whether you've processed them fully, whether you've allowed yourself to fully feel the emotion to feel that. [00:03:21] That pain in your body, whether you've actually been able to be with it, and when you can be with it, you can release it. So looking at how to do some of this deeper work of releasing, held trauma, unconscious trauma in our body. And if you'd like to work with me on your own. Uh, releasing or looking at some life pattern that you're ready to eliminate or get rid of at this point, then please feel free to reach out , to me, I do offer one-on-one coaching and support. [00:03:56] And you can find that information in the bio link [00:04:00] or on my website. So I would love to, work with you in whatever capacity to help you get rid of some of these unconscious patterns, emotions, and processes so that you can step into a whole new life, a whole new world, a whole new energy. There's so much that goes on unconsciously, and when we are able to identify what's actually happening underneath the surface, we can really start to live a more vibrant, more whole, happy life. [00:04:31] So I look forward to connecting with you, at some point in the future. [00:04:36] Lara Land: Today I have on Harmony Slater and I brought her on. To talk about identity loss, the trauma of losing one's self, and losing a sense of self through a couple different events. The main one that we dive into here is divorce and, you know, it took me a while to really understand a [00:05:00] divorce as a trauma, but it really, really can be traumatic. [00:05:05] Lara Land: if you haven't been through a divorce, that doesn't mean this episode isn't for you. Many of us have been through a hard breakup, a loss of a friend, someone where we're so co regulated and intertwined with them that we really are living life together. And when that's severed, a lot of things happen. [00:05:24] Lara Land: We get into what that does as far as our trauma response, our fight or flight, our first chakra. Um, and how to regulate those systems. And we also talk about what can happen when a community breaks up. Two things that Harmony, has been through and I knew she could offer many insights into. So this is a really deep episode. [00:05:47] Lara Land: It goes into some really liminal space. I think we really go somewhere very beautiful and I'm looking forward to hearing. what you think of it. [00:05:55] Lara Land: And now for the episode, [00:06:00] Ashtanga yoga teacher. She is one of less than 20 women in the world to hold. [00:06:05] Lara Land: And she's also a National Board Certified Wellness Coach. She began traveling to East Asia in 2002 to study Buddhism and Indian philosophy and spent five years living between India and Thailand. She holds BA degrees in both Philosophy and Religious Studies and founded two yoga schools in Canada. For the past 20 years, Harmony's been focused on sharing the deeper teachings of yoga to support greater health. [00:06:31] Lara Land: and spiritual integration with students around the world. And she has taught workshops in over 30 different countries. She's the host of the Finding Harmony podcast, which I've been on a few times. And she's been featured in two anthologies on yoga. Pregnancy and Motherhood, Yoga Sadhana for Mothers, and Strength and Grace, a Collection of Essays by Women of Ashtanga Yoga. [00:06:53] Lara Land: Harmony is also a Contributing Editor for Sonema Online Magazine. Currently, she's helping individuals design their [00:07:00] unique spiritual wellness practice to find deeper fulfillment, both personally and professionally. Harmony can be found teaching online within her Inner Circle community and her Ancient Breathing Institute. [00:07:10] Lara Land: 2. 0 course, which I have taken. It is excellent. You know, Harmony and I are doing a lot of complimentary work and supporting each other's work. And, um, if you're enjoying my work, I know you'll love hers. So enjoy this episode. [00:07:24] Lara Land: And here we go. Harmony Slater. How are you? Hi, [00:07:29] Harmony: Lara. I'm doing good. How are you? [00:07:32] Lara Land: Just pretend that we haven't been chatting beforehand. [00:07:34] Harmony: Right? No one knows the secrets. No one knows [00:07:40] Lara Land: the secrets, but you know, I'll tell them we really haven't chatted that much about what we're going to talk about. [00:07:45] Lara Land: I just kind of threw it, threw it at you a bit. [00:07:47] Harmony: That's true. It's all a surprise. I don't even know what I'm going to say at this point. [00:07:52] Lara Land: I know you're so, uh, in tune and you have so much knowledge that is really deep inside you and embodied. [00:08:00] So. I trust in that. You don't need to prepare because your life is your preparation, Harmony. [00:08:06] Harmony: I keep telling myself that. [00:08:09] Lara Land: No, you are, uh, you're a forever student. I mean, I think a lot of people listening might be familiar with you because we like to have each other on each other's things. [00:08:20] Harmony: Yes. I love working with you. We love [00:08:23] Lara Land: to work together and collaborate. So, you know, it's hard these days to always find time to talk, although we do have our nice like catch up conversations. [00:08:33] Lara Land: We also use working together as a great excuse to have some time together. Totally. [00:08:38] Harmony: I know that's the best thing when you have friends that are in the similar field or the same field as you. You get to connect with them more frequently, [00:08:47] Lara Land: I wanted to have you on for a long time. [00:08:50] Lara Land: I think I told you I wanted to wait for kind of the right moment, but there are a couple things that kept circulating in my mind about your life experience that I [00:09:00] thought would be really valuable for our listeners. And, you know, here we talk mainly about trauma and ways of healing and, you know, different kinds of events. [00:09:11] Lara Land: that can lead to a trauma response or a traumatic stress. You know, it's not always a PTSD diagnosis, but it could be a high level of stress. We try to uncover some of the events that sometimes get brushed over. Folks don't realize can be traumatic events. And I remember Harmony some years back when we were, we were talking on the phone and You were like, I'm going through something. [00:09:41] Lara Land: I can't talk about it, but I'm kind of in this space and I Can still hear your voice and feel the energy of that space. It kind of seemed like you were, there was like a [00:10:00] frozenness, there was like a waiting, there was just a lot of like this, this unsure, but also sure. Um, and I could feel what you were going through. [00:10:11] Lara Land: And then later, , when you were ready, you, you revealed that you had decided to get a divorce. And that's a very personal. Experience, but one that I know, you know, a lot of people have gone through, and I wonder if you might share what that was like for you. [00:10:28] Harmony: Yeah, I, I think that is a really interesting topic to bring up as trauma because I really do think that it is a traumatic event for most people, right? [00:10:40] Harmony: I mean, when you get married, you're building a life with someone, you're sharing an identity in a way, you know, most of the time, and so, you know, it's not just like finances and children and homes and vehicles and things like that, it's a part of you. And [00:11:00] so, especially in my marriage, my first marriage, we worked together too. [00:11:04] Harmony: So there was also a business in there and we were also traveling together and like a part of this community, this Ashtanga Yoga community that was a very kind of tight knit, small collective of practitioners and teachers that all, you know, practice very intensely this one style of yoga. And so we were known as, you know, a partnership within this community and breaking that partnership was really not just breaking up with your spouse, which in itself is traumatic enough because already you're having to separate your identity into Like, who am I again without this person and you're also going through all of the, the separation of, tangible assets and, and things, which also brings up a [00:12:00] lot of emotion because as we know, all of these material things just represent sort of our interior, right? [00:12:07] Harmony: So there's a real tearing, a real, even, even with two conscious individuals who are trying to be their best selves. It is not really a time when you're mostly able to be your best self, it's very difficult, you're in fight or flight a lot, there's a lot of stress, there's a lot of, you're feeling like it's a fight, right, it's a battle, even under the best circumstances, things come up, you know, over silly, silly things, because it feels like part of you is being taken away, it's Or being torn away from you, I think is even a better description of it. [00:12:46] Harmony: And in my situation, it felt like not just that was happening, but that. I was going to have to let go of or be willing to have [00:13:00] people kind of look at me in a way that was maybe unfavorable. And I think in every divorce, you kind of go through this, right? Friends take sides and you lose friendships. You lose people that you really care about in other ways. [00:13:17] Harmony: Because they're not able to understand, or they haven't been through what you've been going through. So I think it's, it's a very, sensitive time. And until you've been through it, I don't know that you have necessarily empathy in the same way. Because it's a great loss, you know, even if it's your choice, even if it's your heart's desire, there's a lot that happens, I think, physiologically to your body, emotionally, mentally, that takes It's actually, I'm going to say years to heal. [00:13:56] Harmony: You know, it's not something that happens when you sign [00:14:00] the papers. It's actually a much longer process to kind of heal those [00:14:06] Lara Land: wounds. So I think that's really helpful because a lot of times we talk about on this podcast, you know, this culture, there's an idea that we should be over something a lot more quickly than is actually how it rolls out. [00:14:21] Lara Land: And that thinking that we should be healed. and we should be over it actually creates more harm, another layer of trauma. [00:14:29] Harmony: Yeah, yeah. And, and also it takes a long time, I think, especially with something like divorce, you know, there's sometimes shame or guilt or other types of like deeper emotions that, that gets suppressed. [00:14:48] Harmony: That again, it takes a long time to really kind of go in and be with those emotions and look at them and question your thoughts and beliefs around them. You know, it's one thing to [00:15:00] say, Oh yeah, I have, you know, I'm fine. I, I have nothing to feel bad about, but when you really go in deep and start to kind of look at maybe, you know, what's going on, like, why do you have pain in your low back or, you know, why are your knees all of a sudden? [00:15:19] Harmony: Aching or, um, why is it that you're crying at sunrise or sunset or, you know, I don't know, there's all kinds of ways these things can show up, right? Like you say, it's a much longer healing process and feeling like you should be over it or just acting as if you're over it sometimes again. [00:15:39] Harmony: kind of delays that healing process. And also there's nothing you can do to, I don't know, speed it up or slow it down as well. Right. It's all just going to happen in its own time and allowing yourself to be in that space where you're really okay with that. Like it's okay that I I'm not able to address this deeper sense of shame or [00:16:00] guilt right now. [00:16:00] Harmony: Like that's okay. I'm just going to be with myself and hold a compassionate and loving space and let whatever needs to come up come up in its own time. [00:16:09] Lara Land: Yeah, you hit on a lot of good stuff there. I mean, from the beginning, talking about identity. a loss of identity. I know there's a lot of language in marriage about becoming one. [00:16:21] Lara Land: And I know for myself, and I'm, I, I can probably guess that you were probably similar. Cause we have this like hard, uh, working independent woman type personalities, you know, I thought I'm not going to become one. I'm always going to be my own person. And I'm like four years into marriage and I'm definitely like, you know, a lot of me has definitely meshed into this. [00:16:43] Lara Land: Other individual and him and to me, and it's something that you almost can't help. [00:16:48] Harmony: No, exactly. I mean, it's, it's kind of a mystical process in union. I'm going to say, because, you know, so much of it's happening without our conscious intention or awareness. [00:17:00] It's just being in each other's orbit all the time. [00:17:03] Harmony: You know, there's that great. Quote that says you're the sum of the five people you spend the most time with or something like your personality is the sum of the five people you spend the most time with. So, you know, when you're spending a lot of time with someone, especially when you work together, you live together, you're, I mean, in my case, I would, we were together. [00:17:21] Harmony: pretty much every day, all day long. Yeah. Until we had our son, where then it became kind of like that splitting of duties, which I know you're very familiar with. I am. But even then, it's still, it's still a partnership, right? You're still very much kind of enmeshed in ways that you don't even realize. [00:17:43] Harmony: You're enmeshed, [00:17:44] Lara Land: you're co regulating each other, you know, you're actually working together in tandem. And a lot of the ways that you're seeing yourself are kind of through how that person is. [00:17:59] Harmony: [00:18:00] Yeah, that's very true. And also you're constantly kind of, I think, I mean, in my case anyway, sort of interpreting how you're seen by others also through how they're seeing your partner as well. [00:18:14] Harmony: Right? Like there's, Definitely something there that our identities are become not just like me and this body and this personality, but it also then becomes this other person in this other body in this other personality. And what does that mean about me? Right? And so it's an interesting kind of. [00:18:36] Harmony: expansion that happens, but sometimes not in a good way, [00:18:41] Lara Land: yeah. Yeah. And it's, and then it makes a lot of sense, you know, setting that up, why we would feel like when, when we would sever that partnership, like a lot of confusion and loss and almost like, the sense of being out in [00:19:00] like, in space or in the desert, like, where am I? [00:19:03] Lara Land: Who am I? [00:19:04] Harmony: Yeah, yeah, totally. And I think also at that time, I mean, I've spoken to many, many other women who have been going through a divorce or have. Completed their divorce. When you're going through it, when you're in it, it's quite combative, you know, emotionally, even if two people are, you know, trying their hardest to hold a compassionate and loving space. [00:19:33] Harmony: And that alone, that feeling like you're fighting all the time, that you're fighting for survival, really, I think leaves a deep, deep mark on your nervous system. That you have to then finally on the other side, and that again, we can talk about that too, how sometimes I think for many people it's hard to actually, because you get stuck in that fight or flight mode, you get stuck [00:20:00] fighting, it's hard to then like actually stop fighting. [00:20:04] Harmony: How do you stop that kind of combative exchange? And even if it stops with that one person, are you taking that into your other relationships or into the world, right? Because your nervous system, and you can talk probably even more intelligently about this than I can, but you know, your nervous system starts to find its new normal. [00:20:25] Harmony: And it's new set point. And if your set point is highly activated, then you're bringing that activation into everything that you're doing, into your relationship with your kids, into your relationship with, you know, maybe your parents, into your friendships, into connection with clients or students or whatever sort of other relationships you're having, especially if you're not aware. [00:20:47] Harmony: And especially if you're not doing things to help regulate. that dysregulation that you've had a pattern of while going through a very traumatic situation. [00:20:59] Lara Land: It really is [00:21:00] traumatic. The more that I'm listening to you and thinking about it, I'm just hearing so much of the trauma response. And that hypervigilance, like you don't know what that person might throw at you, what they might ask for, you don't know what's coming next, you know, for most people, it's a procedure that they haven't been through before. [00:21:19] Lara Land: So there's a lot of unknown. You're in this new nervous system without this, you know, partnering nervous system that you've been with. So there's all of that. And at the same time, you are also dealing with this very, like you said, you know, combative situation. And so it's like, before you can even heal and find yourself and sense of identity, you still have to deal with so much of getting through the negotiations and all the stuff. [00:21:47] Lara Land: And as you put so eloquently, you know, the things in our lives, they have meaning and memories and, they represent pieces of us. And, Yes, things are things, but of course [00:22:00] we see it with our children and in many ways we're, we're grown children that we get it, you know, attached to our things and it does mean something it connects to You know, all this stuff, especially as women, I feel like we're taught about, yes, we want to be, you know, especially having all this yoga background. [00:22:18] Lara Land: We want to do this with as much compassion, but you know, we were taught to be strong women and we don't want to be a total washover. And so like all that programming and like often contradictory societal messages are playing a part and probably adding a lot more stress of like, How should I be feeling? [00:22:38] Lara Land: So there's the feeling, and then there's like, well, this text says I should be doing this, and, you know, feminism says I should be doing this. [00:22:47] Harmony: Yeah, and It's, I think also there's that expectation or that desire to, this can be a loving conscious kind of separation, right? But at the [00:23:00] heart of it, I mean, your survival instincts are really activated because you're talking about things like finances, you're talking about things like, you know. [00:23:09] Harmony: work. You're talking about things like children. You're talking about things like, am I going to see my children? Am I not going to see my children? I mean, those are really, really deeply emotional and also very much connected to our sense of survival and am I going to be provided for? Am I going to have enough to live off of? [00:23:31] Harmony: Am I going to have enough? Am I going to be able to make an income? Right? These are all like, quite serious questions that get kicked up at this time. Finances are being talked about, especially when you've brought your finances together and now you're pulling them apart. And, and this can happen on both sides. [00:23:47] Harmony: It's not just women. I think men feel this way too. And then, you know, of course it's a very masculine response. If you're feeling attacked or you're feeling threatened, you fight, right? And that puts. [00:24:00] Women, I think, then in, in a very interesting position because you have this partner who was once maybe very supportive and loving, now attacking because that's the natural instinct typically. [00:24:14] Harmony: Now you're, you know, as a woman, maybe you're freezing. And, or maybe you're, you know, just trying to run away and not deal with it and not look at it. Or you're put in a position to fight back. Right. And it's just uncomfortable and it's very triggering and it's very just regulating, you know, many divorces, many women I've talked to, you know, it gets a little bit messy and, and they either end up kind of at the end, just like, you know, it becomes sort of like who can last the longest. [00:24:48] Harmony: this fight and when it becomes that kind of terrible divorce, I mean, luckily mine wasn't like that. It really becomes something that you get stuck in that, that fight [00:25:00] or flight response where you're not able to then just let go. Right. Like at some point you have to kind of be ready to heal. Right, and healing mode, rather than just fighting mode all the time but it's hard. [00:25:15] Harmony: It's hard, especially if, if you're, uh, separating from someone who maybe isn't into sort of spiritual practice or personal development unfortunately, there's, I don't think there's winners in that situation, you know, it's just a lot of hurt and pain and then, you know, how much can, can you save maybe, right? [00:25:37] Harmony: And then, and allow, and it's a tough situation and I know it's very, very. emotional. And, we say it's emotional, but then we don't necessarily understand how that affects our nervous system and how it affects our, our trauma response and how that then, [00:26:00] you know, might play out later on in our lives. [00:26:04] Lara Land: You've helped to explain a lot about how this does go into trauma response with loss of self, with a fight or flight. Um, and that's interesting what you said about that being carried in later. I with the trauma, we often protect ourselves. against having another trauma. And that often means protecting ourselves against people and situations that actually don't need, we don't need protection against. Which can cut us off from feeling love, from softening, but that's what trauma is, right? [00:26:40] Lara Land: We go into fight or flight, we go into hyper arousal, we are skeptical, we are jumpy, we are more protective. And so I wonder if you, yeah, if you saw that playing out later in your life. And of course I want to get to some of the practices that you [00:27:00] used to get through these times and if, you know, and also if you ever noticed that you were triggered, you know, what you would do, cause you have a, I know, a ton of practices that you could share with us. [00:27:11] Harmony: Yeah. I think my situation was kind of, it was interesting in that I was going through a divorce and right around the same time there was Also, this other loss that was happening. Within our Ashtanga Yoga community, within this community of practitioners that were very, you know, we were all very close knit and there was sort of an ideal. [00:27:38] Harmony: The ideal was like a couple, you know, both like, we had all these examples like Richard and Mary and Dina and Jack and, you know, knowing Kimberly who had divorced before I did, but you know, it was sort of this like ideal of the yoga power couple And then at the same time, you know, our [00:28:00] guru, Shukai Potavi Joyce he had passed a few years earlier, I guess about five years earlier or six years earlier, but he, he started to receive, there was a lot coming out around, you know, his inappropriate or sexually misguided adjustments that he was doing within the community that were causing a lot of, trauma, some traumatic responses to some of the students. [00:28:28] Harmony: And it was also a battle, or like a war, a fight that was happening within our community that Many people, I think, are aware of, but teachers were fighting each other. Some were like, on the side of Potabi Joyce, no, it wasn't, you know, it was a healing adjustment. It was healing touch. It wasn't invasive. It wasn't traumatic. [00:28:50] Harmony: And others were like, no, it's inappropriate. It's, invasive. That's not right. And so there was also at the same time that I was going through my own [00:29:00] personal separation and having to kind of figure out who I was on my own again, there was also this big split in our community around the trauma that had been happening from our guru. [00:29:16] Harmony: So then there was also a sense of loss that way for me. Looking at our community and understanding, like truly understanding both sides. I just had great compassion for people who were feeling that this was, was a very traumatic sort of action that was taken against certain, women within the community. [00:29:47] Harmony: And it was very inappropriate, abusive, and also, you know, an abuse of power. And then also people who had a deep love and cherished. this guru figure, [00:30:00] who was their teacher, who had healed them in so many ways. And I could really identify with both sides of this because I had such a strong feeling and belief that this practice, this Ashtanga Yoga practice, this community, this guru, this teacher, Sri Kuttabai Jois, who had taught this practice to me. [00:30:23] Harmony: from a very early age, had healed my life and had given me so much. But I also, you know, there was also things that I understood weren't, he wasn't like a god or a deity and that, he had made mistakes. He had taken actions that, that weren't aligned with what I would say is appropriate adjustments or, a pure intent in, in his. [00:30:52] Harmony: in his actions. And so I could see how people felt that that it was an abusive situation. And [00:31:00] so there was this There was a separation happening in the community, there was a separation happening with me personally, and, and so for me that whole period of time felt very, very traumatic, but in a, in an interesting way, and I think you talk about this a lot in your podcast, you know, The big T trauma events where there's sort of an incident that is recognized as, oh, this is very traumatic versus these sort of like long, long term kind of a process of trauma in a way where there's not one incident or one event that is identified as like, whoa, like, Oh, You know, you're not getting abused. [00:31:48] Harmony: There's no physical signs of the trauma, but it's, it's sort of an emotional or a mental kind of prolonged, small, little traumatic events [00:32:00] that are happening internally to your nervous system that I think creates this dysregulation. It's like all these little things and you're constantly having to try and fix yourself, right? [00:32:14] Harmony: You keep getting triggered, or you keep getting like pushed into fight or flight, or you keep getting activated, and then you keep having to try to regulate. And, and I think it's Again, it has a longer term effect that then if you're through that period, looking back, you know, you have to then start doing some deeper levels of healing because it's not something that you're just going to get over. [00:32:39] Harmony: It's something that might take. Years of processing and releasing and letting go and being with and staying with rather than trying to brush under the carpet, , the proverbial Mysore rug or, you know, or, or [00:33:00] suppress. Or not acknowledge, but just, you know, allow that process of grief, I think, to happen. [00:33:08] Lara Land: Yeah, yeah. Well said. I mean, you definitely had a bunch of things. Um, I kind of forgot about that, that they all really hit around the same time. Um, I was caught in my own story. I mean, that at that time was around when I was, uh, entering motherhood. Yeah. And so it was also like a similar feeling of. [00:33:30] Lara Land: Just a lot of change of identity and like loss of this thing that was a constant and very much connected to my personal identity, like who am I, right? And then, yeah, maybe you said it so beautifully, the, just the layers of loss and the fighting within community and since everyone was in a kind of fight or flight. [00:33:57] Lara Land: It was hard to talk. [00:34:00] It was hard to speak. It was hard to share any, you know, thoughts or feelings, especially if they just weren't the main line of kind of what you were allowed to say. And, and that's hard as well because it doesn't allow you to process the complexity and the mixed feelings that you're, you know, pointing [00:34:19] Harmony: out. [00:34:20] Harmony: Yeah. And, and to even just sort through that mixture of feelings. You know, is itself its own process, let alone having sort of pressure of a community or pressure of certain people within a community to, you know, or even outsiders not in the community, I think, you know, judging and, um, you know. Not allowing that process to happen, saying you can't go through that in a way, right? [00:34:49] Harmony: There just was like not a lot of room for nuance or complexity. Um, yeah, it was, it, it felt hurtful, I think, to a lot of people. [00:35:00] And hurtful to a lot of people on, maybe on both sides of the argument, or both sides in both of those perspectives. I don't, I don't know that, that anyone came out of, I think we've all kind of shifted and changed in different ways. [00:35:15] Harmony: And some people have completely stepped away from the practice, not just because of that incident. But I think when you go through that kind of trauma or when things come up and you are going through a big change like motherhood, you know, becoming a mother or going through a divorce or, you know, just even hitting your, your midlife stage where you're feeling like, Oh my God, nothing's working like it used to. [00:35:42] Harmony: I can't keep up. I can't keep doing things at this pace. That's going to come up for a lot of people at a certain stage, things like that. These kinds of triggering or combative, kind of traumatic, uh, [00:36:00] engagements that are happening, uh, can be a, a time when you're like, you know what, I just don't want to deal with that. [00:36:07] Harmony: And so you just kind of turn and walk the other way and don't look back. So I think that's one response to that kind of prolonged trauma is you just like turn around and you leave it and you don't look back. And, and for some people that can really work. You can create like a whole new life doing something else that you love. [00:36:30] Harmony: But for other people, maybe there's some healing that needs to happen while engaged in that process or with the practice. And so, but I think things changed in many ways for a lot of people during that time. And then also, but then we had COVID. [00:36:47] Lara Land: I think I was feeling like, okay, um, I was just starting to like get my footing, um, like motherhood and [00:37:00] everything that had happened, you know, in the community. [00:37:02] Lara Land: I'm like, just seemed like maybe I was getting a little bit of footing around that and a little bit of like, even, uh, sort of sense about how I felt about things, you know, like, and that informing like what I wanted to do and be moving forward. Right. I didn't want to be the same and I wasn't the same. And, and then COVID, we still were really in that, you know, what, who we were still in that. [00:37:27] Lara Land: And then this other layer of trauma. So it was a lot of compounded trauma, trauma events. One on top of the other. Yeah, totally. [00:37:37] Harmony: And again, with COVID, your livelihood is at stake. You're really, it's survival, right? It wasn't just like, Oh, there's a virus that Potentially might kill me if that was your fear, if that was the anxiety around it. [00:37:51] Harmony: And I know that was bringing up a lot of anxiety and fear for a lot of people. But on top of that was especially for yoga teachers and people who were [00:38:00] making their living from holding space in person. It was. your entire livelihood was being taken away. [00:38:09] Lara Land: And by the way, that happened like three times for you. [00:38:12] Lara Land: Your business was with your husband, you got a divorce. So that was a livelihood thing. Right. Yeah. Then, you know, that was another layer of. the Ashtanga world falling apart, right? 100%. You know, there was an aspect of that, that was hard to admit or speak to, but a lot of us were, were victims in that ourselves, you know, didn't know. [00:38:33] Lara Land: Um, and now we're having to answer for something we didn't know, didn't participate in. That is, Shattering an already very, very vulnerable business model. And you're trying to do the ethical thing and you have this survival thing and maybe you have a family and you have rent and you have a lot of people to be accountable for. [00:38:54] Lara Land: Yeah. And you start to lose it a little bit. You know, you start to feel, spacey, I'm remembering a [00:39:00] lot of brain fog. Yeah. [00:39:02] Harmony: Um, [00:39:03] Lara Land: and then, and then COVID, you know, I was one of the people that shut my studio in, in COVID. And so it was like one thing after the next. With that, like you say, first chakra. [00:39:15] Lara Land: Yeah, [00:39:16] Harmony: it's all really, yeah, it's all really like, and I think when that, you know, that first chakra gets activated when, when we are faced with, with that survival instinct of like, okay, I need to survive. What am I going to do? I mean, Just even like thinking about that I can feel my heart rate start to go up, right? [00:39:39] Harmony: I can feel like Like these responses if I start to put myself in that place of thinking about like, survival like, okay I need to make money. Okay. I need to get more students. You're already just starting to get into that activated state and then the irony is or the paradox, right? [00:39:58] Harmony: For a yoga teacher, [00:40:00] we're supposed to like continually hold this more regulated, you know, parasympathetic space so that we can co regulate and help other people connect to their parasympathetic nervous system and bring them down from their day of being activated and stressed all [00:40:15] Lara Land: day. And what about the pressure to maintain this, outer appearance of we're handling it all so well. [00:40:26] Lara Land: My yoga and my meditation and nothing affects me. [00:40:31] Harmony: Yeah, it's really. And so then there's like this inner kind of like shame spiral that starts to happen in a way. Right. [00:40:43] Lara Land: The shame thing is really important to speak to, right? Because that's why I wrote, I wrote an article back in like, I think it was 2011 about like the problem with this positivity thing. And it's been a mission of mine because it's been something that's been bothering me for so long. You know, it's like, we're all, [00:41:00] not all of us, but there was a lot of pressure to like, by being, you know, showing that we're so positive and all the benefits that it's given us and, um, and it didn't allow for, the whole box of colors of emotions, you know, that, that are real and important to feel and um, are valid. [00:41:21] Lara Land: I mean, I, I don't think the practice of yoga is about stuffing away or glossing over emotions. It definitely helps us to understand our nervous system and sensation and how sensation turns into thought and emotion and have some space around it. Um, but it doesn't mean that we're not allowed to be angry or sad. [00:41:44] Harmony: Yeah, no, not at all. And I think you said something really interesting there, like the idea of watching the sensation turn into emotion or into thoughts. I think the practice gives us that [00:42:00] tool, , if, if we be with it, you know, if we're really giving ourself time to be with the sensation and then giving ourself the time and space to be with the emotion too. [00:42:11] Harmony: And I think that's. It's a lot of how the healing happens, right? It's slowing down and giving yourself that space. and that time to be right to be with the sensation to be with the emotion and to feel it like to just allow yourself to feel it like deeply whatever that is whatever is coming up just Being with it and welcoming it, like letting it be there, letting it be a part of you, letting it, recognizing it as a part of you. [00:42:46] Harmony: Almost like you would a little child, like when your child's upset or having a tantrum, you know, I mean, sometimes we yell at them. [00:43:00] When we're being our, our best selves, right. We're, we're creating that space is like. Oh, I can see, you know, you're so upset about this. It's okay. Just let it out. [00:43:11] Harmony: We welcome them and we take them into our arms. And, and there's a bit of that that we have to do for ourselves. And sometimes I think the practice can work in two ways. Sometimes it can be a healing journey and it can really give us the tools. To be with the sensation and be with the emotion and, and the feelings and the thoughts and not judge them, but to see them and to just allow, right? [00:43:37] Harmony: It can move us into that allowing space. And then other times I think we can use it like a bit of a band aid because it, does have a positive regulating effect on our nervous system, or we just tire out ourselves so that we're not feeling. So it's, it acts more like a numbing in a way so that we don't [00:44:00] have to actually feel things deeply or be with things deeply. [00:44:03] Harmony: It's an interesting tool. I mean, I love the practice, but I also see and have. experienced how it can be used as a way of just kind of like regulating your nervous system so you don't ever have to deal with what's actually going on underneath. [00:44:22] Lara Land: I really appreciate you calling that out. I think that's really important, you know, because there's righteous anger and there's valid anger and it's, yeah, numbing out and glossing over and. [00:44:38] Lara Land: I've definitely seen that tiring out as well, you know, where it's just like, yeah, there's nothing left at the [00:44:46] Harmony: end of practice. Exactly. If you practice hard intensely for, you know, two hours or an hour and a half, yeah, you don't have the energy to feel angry anymore. Or you don't have the energy to, you [00:45:00] know, get upset about things anymore. [00:45:02] Harmony: And so in a way, it kind of works, right? It's kind of good. But on the other hand, it's like, sometimes you need that energy. You need to have enough energy to actually be with the emotion. Because that takes a lot of energy. You know, it takes a lot of focus and ability to allow to be with that emotion. And when you're tired You know, there's the tendency more to just suppress it and just be like, Oh, I'm too tired to deal with that. [00:45:34] Harmony: So I'm just not even going to think about it. [00:45:36] Lara Land: And honestly, if, if the practice, you know, at that kind of intensity and time level , that. Hour and a half to two hours was really doing all the processing of emotion and world changing, you [00:46:00] know, stuff that, you know, we want to say it is then. [00:46:03] Lara Land: You know, why would we see just a lot of not nice people, you know, so at some point you got to say maybe this isn't doing everything. I mean, maybe it's making you feel a little happier throughout your day, you know, for whatever reason, not, you know, maybe it's helping you process, maybe it's numbing you out or giving you the feeling that you have done something that you really haven't looked at. [00:46:30] Lara Land: And you have to kind of ask those questions because. You know, this yoga thing, it didn't start with our generation. It's been around a while. It has some wonderful benefits, um, but it certainly needs to be supported by some other practices to, um, to make the kind of changes that I know a lot of us want to affect in the world. [00:46:52] Harmony: Yeah. And I think, I think that touches on something really, yeah, really important too, you know, like this [00:47:00] collective upliftment, right. This collective kind of enlightenment, this idea that You know, as, as people who are, you know, conscious leaders, as people who are spiritual beings, who understand that we're connected to something greater than ourselves, or that everything's interconnected, however you want to describe it, right, we're here on the planet to be of service, right, to help bring others into a place of compassion, peacefulness, love, joy, you know, all of those heart centered emotions. [00:47:38] Harmony: Sometimes when we have so much emphasis on our own, you know, yoga practice, our own spiritual practice, we just kind of become, it becomes more about me, me, me, me, me, and less about. Everyone. Because like, again, I think it comes down to a little bit of energy. [00:48:00] You know, we only have so much energy. I mean, even though we're connected to an unlimited, infinite source of energy, we are not unlimited beings in the sense that we have finite bodies. [00:48:12] Harmony: We have, you know, we, we kind of have Certain resources that we are given every day that we can allot in certain ways. And when a large portion of those resources are allotted to ourselves, which is fine, especially during times of healing, during times of, of needing to care for yourself, times of, of, um, you know, of filling your own cup. [00:48:36] Harmony: But all of that energy is being expended rather than it being restored or filled up, right? Yeah. Then we have less, uh, patience and attention to give to other people. And I, you probably noticed this. I mean, I noticed it right away when I became a mother. You know, prior to motherhood, yeah, I could practice really intensely, really [00:49:00] hard, two, three hours. [00:49:01] Harmony: No problem. You know, just like all about me. I'm doing asana, I'm doing pranayama, I'm doing meditation. It's amazing. At four o'clock, you know what I can do when I don't have kids? I can lie down and take a nap. You know, um, but all of a sudden you have a child and You know what? You can't take a nap whenever you want, typically. [00:49:25] Harmony: And you also probably don't have the time and energy to practice that intensely, you know, in the morning. Um, or even in the evening. [00:49:37] Lara Land: And it came down for me to priorities, you know, like you're saying, like. There were a lot of women that, you know, that are mothers that were out there. I mean, you, you were rocking and rolling after motherhood. [00:49:50] Harmony: I think, you know, I want to, I want to put that into context because I, I'll take that. I was doing it for sure. But the times that really, I was able to [00:50:00] intensely kind of go into my practice were times when I was in Mysore, India, where I had childcare, where I had a nanny coming in. Like all day, eight hours a day, she was there first thing in the morning so I could go do my yoga practice for two or three hours, whatever it felt right. [00:50:17] Harmony: I could come home after practice. I could take a nap. I could then like get up. She was feeding my child. She was so loving, so wonderful and God bless her and her family. She saved my life. And my son still loves her to this day. He still remembers her. It was a very beautiful time. [00:50:37] Harmony: And yes, I could really rock it in my practice, but only because I had that support and help, you know? [00:50:43] Lara Land: Yeah. Thanks for calling that out. Yeah. Yeah. Cause some of us that became mothers later, definitely saw that and you and, and others, you know, like, ah, motherhood didn't stop me. And that's probably not how you felt, but you know, how we project or it looks [00:51:00] to others, you know, you get that one, that one picture of the pose that only represents a second in time. [00:51:06] Lara Land: And, you know, I was just like, damn, like, I mean, I could, but then I couldn't do all these other things. And then being in the nonprofit space, a lot of my time and energy is in service. And yeah, and I mean, you put it so well, there's, there really is so only so much time and energy and especially anyone that is a parent knows that once you become a parent, you have to get really, really clear about your priorities. [00:51:36] Harmony: Yeah, yeah, totally. And, you know, for me, I started noticing if I practiced, you know, too much and expended too much of my energy early in the day, I was really irritable. I was, like, snapping later in the day at my kid. I was exhausted. And it became a choice of like, okay, you know what I can practice in a [00:52:00] way that I'm still getting the benefits of the self care of the like breath of the movement of refilling my cup. [00:52:09] Harmony: I can practice. Just enough to do that. That's going to still give me energy later in the day that I'm still going to have something left over. So I'm not being a total, you know, to my two year old who doesn't deserve it because they're just two, like they're doing exactly what a two year old does. And so, and I noticed that my relationship with my son went better. [00:52:38] Harmony: When I didn't do those intense practices, I mean, you know, those little pockets of time in India with the care and where I could nap and, you know, really take advantage of having that support when I was at home, I was teaching, I was running a yoga school and yoga shala, I was being a mom , and still trying to fit in a practice and still doing all the [00:53:00] housecleaning and making the meals and organizing all the things. [00:53:03] Harmony: You have to kind of pick and choose a little bit, right? And also figure out what fills you up. Like, what is it that you need to find balance so that you can still, I think, be of service, whether it's to your children or to your community or to your [00:53:20] Lara Land: students or to your clients. [00:53:23] Lara Land: I mean, that's a good place to be because I feel like now you've been figuring that out and you have that longevity of practice and studies. You've studied Buddhism and yoga and different, you know, pranayama and, and really so many angles. [00:53:40] Lara Land: And you're able to take from those different practices, right. Without being just narrow minded to this is the one way and you're using it to help both your own healing and your own nervous system regulation and also for others. [00:53:57] Harmony: Yeah. I mean, that's, I feel like that's sort of, [00:54:00] maybe it's my life mission. [00:54:00] Harmony: I don't know. Let's see. [00:54:04] Harmony: But yeah, I think, I don't know. I just think it's so hard to be a woman in this world. I mean, I can only speak to that experience. You know, I think men have their own bundle of troubles as well, but you know, as a woman in this body at this time, there's such. A heavy load that I think we're carrying still and it's funny, you know, we watched the Barbie movie and I just thought it was so beautiful in the way that like there was a simpler time when women just like it. [00:54:43] Harmony: did what women did in a very stereotypical way, like the 1950s, right? Or 40s or 30s, right? Simpler in that your job was very defined, your role was very defined, but [00:55:00] possibly, potentially, inevitably, Not necessarily soul fulfilling for each individual. And so we opened up this beautiful array of opportunities and possibilities. [00:55:17] Harmony: And, and now we have infinite opportunities and possibilities, you know, as a collective, as, as a society, uh, you know, especially in first world countries where, you know, Women can do anything and be anything that it's wonderful, but we still have all of this. unconscious baggage from like needing to fulfill certain roles or needing to be the ones who are doing all of the things and never feeling like we're good enough. [00:55:51] Harmony: We're never feeling like we are enough or we're doing enough. You know, we want to be the perfect mothers. We want to, you know, have the nice clean homes. We want [00:56:00] to, you know, make the healthy meals. We want to also have a fulfilling career and purpose. And we want, you know, Intimate connections and important connections and powerful connections with friends, with family, you know, we want all of this and we can have it, but it's It's very challenging like we were talking about with time allocation, you might not have the same amount of time or energy to devote to building your business or your career or having a family, right? [00:56:32] Harmony: So if you want to you know, get to the top of your field, you want to build a business to a million dollars, whatever it is, then you have to figure out like, okay, well, I'm not going to be able to work out two or three hours a day. Typically, I'm not going to then be able to like, for the PTA at school and like, right. [00:56:52] Harmony: So again, there's, we can do everything, but we have to also be really realistic about [00:57:00] how much time we're devoting to each of these things in our lives. And if we're not getting the results that we want in certain areas, again, we have to kind of step back and really just look at like, okay, what are my priorities? [00:57:12] Harmony: And just like you said, when you become a mother, you look at all the things that you love to do and you want to do and you say, okay, but what are my priorities right now? And those can shift, right? Those can shift. But I think what happens to a lot of women is we then kind of negate our self care or we give up on our, on what. [00:57:30] Harmony: is meaningful and fulfilling to us, like on a soul level, on a spiritual level. And then we're doing, doing, doing because we're very busy and we have a lot of things we want to do and create and build and maintain and sustain. And then we feel like kind of lost and empty and unfulfilled on this soul spiritual level. [00:57:51] Harmony: And so I think all of these tools and all of these practices, like from Buddhism, from yoga, from, you know, [00:58:00] Mindfulness, personal development, like all of these things, we need to figure out how to integrate into our lives rather than make them a piece of our day. We need to make it all day. And we can do that, and there's ways to do that, and there's ways to use certain breathing techniques or certain mindfulness techniques to keep bringing ourselves back to present, to keep connecting to that source within, to keep filling our cup so that it's not getting emptied, [00:58:31] Harmony: but we also have to, like, give ourself permission to do them and also remember to do them. That's, you [00:58:37] Lara Land: know, most people say is the hardest thing for them, is just, is to remember to do them. [00:58:43] Harmony: yeah, it's hard, right? We get in it, but, but I think, you know, I think the nervous system and our somatic experience is the key. [00:58:53] Harmony: To remembering because if you're tuned in, if you're tuned into your body and what's coming up for [00:59:00] you and you're really tuned in to when you're starting to feel like your nervous system getting triggered, then , as soon as you notice it, if you know what to do to help you regulate, you can start to then come down and regulate your nervous system and drop it. [00:59:16] Harmony: Right. And it doesn't take long, like two minutes, you can start to regulate your nervous system again. And then you're not going to like freak out or. You know, lose it or flip your lid or whatever, right? You're going to be able to, okay, right. I'm feeling like a little bit of anxiety or I'm feeling a tightening in my chest or I'm feeling a pit in my stomach. [00:59:35] Harmony: Okay. What can I do now to like recenter, to find that space of calm, to, you know, connect to my breathing, to. Just tone my vagus nerve or stimulate my vagus nerve. How can I put on the brakes here so I can come back to a more centered and balanced and peaceful space so that I can carry on doing all the things that I want to do in my life and [01:00:00] have all those loving relationships and fulfilling relationships? [01:00:03] Lara Land: Yes. I mean, I think Some people can, they can feel themselves getting dysregulated, you know, especially with anxiety. I think there's a lot of people who are really numbed out because the world that we live in is at such a, an unrealistic pace and the amount of technology that we're connected to that more and more people that I'm seeing just don't even feel their bodies. [01:00:31] Lara Land: They don't notice, you know, until something big happens. But I think there are, there are little things like you're saying that, that one can do to help bring that embodiment back. I often tell people or help people to just pause at transitions. So getting in the habit of like between one meeting and the next or one, you know, whatever it is in your day, starting to check in and just, what can you notice? [01:00:58] Lara Land: You know, is it [01:01:00] temperature in your body? Is it fluctuation? And just like quick scan through. And from day to day, if you just start to do that, you'll start to get more aware of the messages coming from your body. Yeah, [01:01:16] Harmony: I love that. I love that. And we have so many transitions during the day, and transitions are stressful too, right? [01:01:22] Harmony: They're like the most stressful times actually. That's a good [01:01:27] Lara Land: time to like, stop, right? Not take something into the next thing that's not meant to be there. [01:01:35] Harmony: Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Even just like, you know, when you park your car, like taking a moment to tune in, to like, take some deep breaths. Right. To just like, yeah, be present to let go of whatever came before. [01:01:50] Harmony: And then like, how do I want to be going forward from here? Right. Even when you get back into your car, you can sit and take a few breaths. If you, you're right. Like that's a beautiful [01:02:00] way. Exactly. [01:02:01] Lara Land: Yeah. That's exactly what I'm speaking to. It's like each time, like, why do I, you know, if I notice myself jumping ahead, you know, it's like. [01:02:10] Lara Land: You don't need to do that. You don't have to rush. And I've just had to tell myself that, of course, again and again. And still sometimes I have to remind myself again, because, you know, everything in society is saying I have to rush. [01:02:23] Harmony: There's [01:02:26] Lara Land: no need to feel, you know, cause that, that's the other thing I see a lot. [01:02:30] Lara Land: I'm sure you see it too. It's like that added layer of Shame, guilt, anger, itself. Why, why, why do I do these things? Well, because, because you do them. Somehow your body got trained that that's, that's the way to do things. The beautiful thing is we can, when we see it, we can retrain ourselves. [01:02:49] Harmony: Yeah, this is also another thing that I, I really am against these days, but like the toxic wellness culture. [01:02:57] Harmony: I feel like we have a lot of pressure, [01:03:00] especially as we're both in the wellness field and we're yoga teachers and like have come up in this for like 25 years. The green smoothies, the morning routine, the evening routine, the right, there's like so many things. That we should be doing, or could be doing, right, to increase wellness. [01:03:20] Harmony: And then, again, as, you know, women taking on this, like, we want to be well, we want to, like, have the perfect, you know, relationships and homes and do all these things and we want to be regulated and feel connected to ourselves. Then, again, there's a shame spiral when we're not having the green smoothies and we're not doing the morning routine or the evening routine or making our kids the healthy lunch. [01:03:46] Harmony: Oh yeah. All the things, right? And, and so in a way, the wellness culture, I feel, and, and maybe it's the Instagram wellness culture. I don't know, but it's almost making us [01:04:00] sick because It can work not to be inspiring, but to make us feel kind of like we're not living up to this impossible standard. And so, taking, like you're saying, these, like, in our day, like, what does it mean to be connected? [01:04:16] Harmony: What does it mean to tap into, you know, your higher self or your source? Or to reset, like, push the reset button on your nervous system? And what happens when you're able to do that regularly and it doesn't have to be a big thing and it doesn't have to be something that's post worthy and it can just be something that you're doing a little bit of in little pieces throughout the day. [01:04:39] Harmony: It is helpful to like, maybe start your day with something that's, you know, just for you. But again, it doesn't have to be like a big elaborate morning routine. It can be five minutes. But doing something where you're like, because we wake up because cortisol enters our system, right? We wake up, that's what gets us up. [01:04:57] Harmony: So we're already kind of like in that, [01:05:00] you know, fight or flight mode. When we wake up, we often wake up kind of stressed or, and that might either do one of two things, right? We might then be like, Oh, I don't want to face it and like try and go back to bed, you know, hit the snooze button 15 times. Or we wake up and then we go straight into like doing mode, working mode, right? [01:05:19] Harmony: Again, it's like a perfect example of fight or flight, right? And so, yeah, like taking five minutes to just like breathe, to be, to visualize how you want your day to go. [01:05:34] Lara Land: That's what I was going to say, the, you know, what do I want from today? Like what's really important. [01:05:40] Harmony: Exactly. Like just to find that baseline or that through line for yourself to be really intentional in just like, yeah, how you want to be in your day rather than, you know, thinking of all the things you, you have to do. [01:05:55] Harmony: There's a million different little micro practices you can do, you know, [01:05:59] Lara Land: [01:06:00] how you want to be versus what you want to do. I really want to say that again and again, you know? [01:06:07] Harmony: Yeah, totally. I want to be [01:06:09] Lara Land: in this day. [01:06:10] Harmony: Yeah, yeah. And I think, I think as women too, you know, we often think of like this masculine and this feminine energy being, you know, this, like the yin and the yang or this active and receptive kind of dichotomy. [01:06:24] Harmony: And I think as women. We get caught up in this doing, which is the more active, masculine way of being, and it's fine, it's cool, we can do that, you know, but we forget that we need to enter this restorative place, which is the receptive, which is the just being, rather than the doing, and just, uh, uh, uh, able to sink in and just receive, right? [01:06:51] Harmony: To not have to be giving all the time, which is an action, but like, how can I receive this? How can I be with this? [01:07:00] I think that's so restorative for that, that kind of feminine energy and for that parasympathetic nervous system. Cause if you look at the nervous system, you know, we have the fight or flight response or sympathetic nervous system, which is the activating when we're in action, we're doing, and then we have the parasympathetic response, the rest or digest, which is the being, right? [01:07:21] Harmony: We're resting, we're digesting, we're taking in, we're receiving. Really where we need to focus, I think, because like you said, the world is really forcing us to do, do, do, do, do. And as women, that means often give, give, give, give, give. So then when are we receiving? When are we allowing? When are we just being and resting? [01:07:48] Harmony: I think that's really important. And that's exactly what you're talking about with taking those transition times, right? Like, can I just rest here? Can I just breathe here? Can I just be here for 30 seconds and just, [01:08:00] Oh, okay. Let it go. Just, ah, you know, entered that state rather than just going quickly from one thing to the next, to the next, to [01:08:10] Lara Land: the next. [01:08:10] Lara Land: Yeah. You're bringing up a lot for me around, there's a, a knowing that we deserve that layer. And I'm sure you get into with your clients, you know, the deserving to rest, the deserving to be happy, the deserving to take care of oneself, the value in ourselves as we are not. [01:08:30] Lara Land: In what we do or what we accomplish, but in who we are, I'm getting emotionally really saying those words, you know, yeah, that's a big one and the legacy that we want to leave, right? Like, this is a lot of the work that I've been doing lately around, you know, a lot of that death meditation and focusing on impermanence and it's actually really life affirming because, you know, it's like most of this stuff, it just. [01:08:56] Lara Land: doesn't matter and it won't, it won't matter. So [01:09:00] what will matter? And I think that is how we are, not what we've done, but how we've been, you know, in relationship and to each other. [01:09:09] Harmony: Yeah, totally. 100%. I love that. And it's, yeah, yeah. It's so, it's so beautiful. And just to tie it back, I think that Allowing ourselves to receive, allowing ourselves to be worthy, to love ourselves, to be enough, like realizing that we already are enough. [01:09:28] Harmony: Yeah. We already are precious. And that our lives are precious and our beings are precious and that we're valuable and worthy already. There's nothing we need to do or be or say or think or feel in order to have that, that worthiness as a human being, as an individual, that deeper work that you're talking about. [01:09:52] Harmony: And it also relates back to those trauma. responses, right? That's that deeper healing. [01:10:00] Because when we've had those traumatic experiences, our identities, our sense of self worth, our sense of who we are, often there's shame involved. Often there's guilt involved. Often there's a sense of I'm a bad person, or why did this have to happen to me? [01:10:18] Harmony: You know, there's all kinds of things that make us feel not worthy, not loved, not good enough, not valuable. Like, there's something wrong with us, we're defective, and that deeper work is really being and recognizing that that's affecting us at a very deep level and then putting that healing bomb on, right? [01:10:40] Harmony: Like really truly, not just knowing in your mind, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm worthy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm valuable. Right. That's not going in. But like really, really feeling it. Like, can you feel that in your heart, in yourself? That you deserve to be here and [01:11:00] that you are loved and you are good enough. [01:11:02] Harmony: You are absolutely worthy of everything, everything you want and everything you dream of and everything you want to be. Yeah, that's just like the healing that has to happen, I think, from the trauma and it's, it's a journey, right? It's, it's not something that you can just like drop into. It's like that onion in a way, right? [01:11:21] Harmony: We can keep going deeper and deeper and because we always hit these sort of self limiting beliefs, or we hit these places where we feel like it's not possible. So continuing to kind of go deeper into that healing journey, I think is the process where we need to go to heal that trauma and allow our nervous system to come back into a more regulated state. [01:11:46] Lara Land: Well, I really believe that. First of all, thank you for those words. And I, I think, I hope, and I believe that someone Hearing this, you know, that's really helpful for them. And I do believe that it's that onion. That's been helpful [01:12:00] for me because I think earlier in my process, I would think that there was somewhere to arrive and it was a speed to get there. [01:12:08] Lara Land: And like a lot of people feel like I've been doing this like self help, self healing work for so long. Like why aren't I healed? And knowing that it's a process and it's an ongoing process and like, Finally surrendering to that has been actually helpful in the end is like, okay, like this is just life is this work and it's a beautiful thing. [01:12:31] Lara Land: And now I can just like delve into and enjoy the work and forget about that there's going to be this one day where I arrive healed, [01:12:42] Harmony: yeah, totally. And I mean, I think it's also that recognition, like You're already healed. Like your healing doesn't mean not having pain and it doesn't mean not having sadness and it doesn't mean not having real human experiences because those are going to keep [01:13:00] happening. [01:13:00] Harmony: Exactly. [01:13:01] Lara Land: Oh, Harmony, you're amazing. You're amazing. Thank you. You [01:13:05] Harmony: are [01:13:05] Lara Land: so, so nice. Tell people you know, a little bit about what you do because a lot, I think a lot of what we've been talking about is the work that you do with folks. [01:13:13] Lara Land: Yeah. [01:13:13] Harmony: So, I mean, primarily right now. I'm working on a one to one level coaching conscious leaders, yoga practitioners, coaches, healers on this deeper level to help them really tie their spiritual practice into their whole life. I noticed from my own practice that it was taking me so deep and I'm so grateful for it because I didn't have depth in that practice and deep experiences for sure but when it came to some of this deeper work we're talking about like worthiness. [01:13:51] Harmony: and loving yourself. I don't feel like for me, the Ashtanga yoga practice really helped me love myself [01:14:00] or feel like I was enough. There was always this continual striving and chasing and proving and never arriving, right? There's no finish line. There really isn't one. [01:14:13] Harmony: And so Some of that deeper healing work that I feel really connects us to our spiritual center and then radiates out into the rest of our lives and allows us to do this work of service and to be of service from a place that's really true and grounded and whole is the deeper work that I do when I coach people. [01:14:34] Harmony: So that they can find that sense of wholeness and fulfillment and joy and self love and not feel like they're on that hamster wheel of just trying to, whatever that is, you know, we always say get the next posture, but that's really just a metaphor for lose the next 10 pounds or get the next posture. [01:14:55] Harmony: series of asanas or get up earlier or [01:15:00] practice longer. Or, you know, like just, we're always looking for this, this goal, this carrot, this thing outside of ourselves, that's going to make us feel worthy and loved and valued and whole and complete. And really the work has is the internal work. It's the, the inner object. [01:15:19] Harmony: And so we can start that at any time, anywhere, no matter, you know, what asana you're on or what series you're working on, or even if you practice yoga or don't, right? Like it has no relation to your asana practice. It's It's really just about starting that deeper inner work of healing. And it does relate back to your nervous system, of course, because it always does. [01:15:41] Harmony: And so I use breathwork and pranayama and these practices of mindfulness to help people connect deeper and regulate their nervous system. I love [01:15:52] Lara Land: it. And how can they find you if they want to work with you? [01:15:57] Harmony: They can find me on my website. It's just [01:16:00] my name, harmonyslater. com, and all of the [01:16:03] Lara Land: information is there. [01:16:04] Harmony: I really appreciate you asking some of these deeper questions and heartfelt questions and I hope that it helps. [01:16:11] Harmony: Some of the listeners who might be going through their own kind of breakup or re identification of self and piecing their lives back together in some way to just feel like there's no rush and it's nothing to be ashamed of and it's a process that That is just going to take time and to be patient and, and also create a really healing, nurturing space for themselves to take that time to breathe and be with their emotions and to not be afraid of feeling whatever feelings might be coming up. [01:16:47] Lara Land: So well said. Harmony. Thank you so much. Thank you. [01:16:50] So maybe you're wondering why you would want to hire a coach or what coaching can do for you. [01:16:56] For me, coaching really transformed my life and my [01:17:00] business. It took me to a whole new level. A level I didn't even know existed. It's really doing the deeper inner work. You know, often we practice yoga and it's. The outer work. We're working on our body, or we're doing these exercises of pranayama or meditation, but we're not actually having a mentor or a guide to help us do some of that deeper transformational work. [01:17:26] And for me, that's what coaching is. It's the next level of your yoga practice. Now that you have the tools that the yoga's given you coaching will help you go even deeper to really transform and make those changes and make them lasting. [01:17:42] It's just a phenomenal way of deepening your yoga practice and helping you transform your life so that you're really living from a place of joy and a place of inspiration and excitement and connected to your life's [01:18:00] purpose in this lifetime, not waiting for next lifetime. [01:18:03] Coaching is really a collaborative partnership where as a coach, I'm focused on your growth, your development, and your success. It's for someone who feels okay about their life but they know they're meant for more or they want more from life. [01:18:18] They want to go from good to great. From a place where it's okay, I should be happy to. It's a phenomenal, it's amazing. I love my life. So if this sounds like you, then it might be time to look for a personal coach. And I'm here to help you as your coach with life or business to give you expert guidance when it comes to discovering your values, to finding fulfillment, to connecting to that deeper meaning and purpose. [01:18:47] And all of this can help you get your energy back overcome self-doubt, create more confidence, and also regulate your nervous system and rewire your brain so that you're developing a more [01:19:00] positive mindset and outlook. I work with clients on five levels of awareness. First, we work. [01:19:07] With the embodiment or the somatic level where we tune into our bodies, and this is where we can include practices of yoga or breath work, practices that help us connect deeply to our body. We feel what's coming up for us. I then work also on a mental and emotional level. [01:19:26] As we're feeling whatever sensations are in our body, we start to explore what emotions that might hold or what unconscious memories start to come up to the surface. What. Beliefs or phrases or words start to be associated with these sensations in our body, and this really leads us to the next level, which is an unconscious level. [01:19:51] We start to unveil the unconscious beliefs that keep us stuck, the patterns that we're in that we might not even notice or [01:20:00] recognize, and how we can either. Transmute these and create real alchemy in our lives or release them, let them go for good so they're no longer roadblocks for us. I help my clients really create work life harmony, where it's not just balance, but they're able to manage all different facets of their life. [01:20:23] Because You can do it all you truly can. You just need to manage priorities. Set boundaries and then tap into your deeper why and really start to connect to your aliveness and your vibrancy. And this is so much easier when we don't have the unconscious baggage holding us back, keeping us stuck, making us feel heavy, even accumulating unwanted weight, physically, emotionally, mentally, all of those things that deplete our energy and leave us feeling burnt out or just a lack of joy, a lack of ambition. So coaching can [01:21:00] really help you. Step in to a new vibrancy, a new life, a new aliveness, and a new excitement and joy for where you're going. [01:21:09] I also work with clients on the behavioral level, we create strategies, roadmaps. We look at goals, how you are going to get to the place you want to go with real action steps. So if this sounds like something you would. Be interested in exploring, then I would encourage you to reach out. [01:21:29] I have an application on my website for life coaching where we're working on more life centered goals or business mentorship, where we're looking at bringing your dream business to life, or optimizing the business that you already have, so that you're connecting with more clients, more students. [01:21:47] And that it's coming from a place that feels really soul centered, so that you love the business you're in, and that it's feeding your soul as well as your bank account. Reach out for coaching with me [01:22:00] if this sounds like something you're ready for. Head on over to my website, harmony slater.com. And look under the coaching section and fill out an application today . [01:22:11] [01:23:00]