Overcome Fear of Being Yourself on Social Media and Anywhere Online

basically what it boils down to is psychology in psychology is I'm not worthy, I'm not good enough. Um, I'm an imposter. I shouldn't be here. And it's just negative self talk that comes in. And that's why I go back to that point about the first sale you make is to yourself.

Welcome to Sales Made Easy, a podcast for business and personal growth. Join Harry Spaight, as he hosts sales experts and business owners who share their journeys of personal growth and business success now, here's your host, Harry.

Hello and welcome to this live stream about overcoming the fear of being yourself online in social media, or really anywhere online. This is going to be a candid conversation around the fear of being judged when, when you put your true authentic self out there on the internet. I'm joined with Harry Spate from sellwithdignity. com. I'm Chris Badgett from Lifter LMS, which is a learning management system for WordPress for creating courses and coaching programs and things like that. I've done a lot online. Uh, I work with many thousands, tens of thousands of people who create content online, and this is an issue that doesn't come out, uh, and get discussed enough. So, uh, I'm really excited to have this conversation with you, Harry. Tell us a little bit more about you, Harry.

All right, cool. So, uh, this is going to be fun. I love the topic. People don't often think of me as an introvert, but there is that side of me and I actually score higher on the introversion side than the extrovert, but having been in sales and doing mission work, I've really had to just deal with the fact where I was and kind of come out of my shell, so to speak. You know, it's like we didn't really always have these conversations about introvert extroverts, like, just get out of your shell, come on, just show more. So I slipped back to what I used to say years ago. Um, but yeah, so what I do is I help people to grow their sales without the pushy, slimy tactics and being an introvert, a lot of business owners, coaches. They thrive in doing what their actual work is what they don't often thrive in is putting themselves out there on social media or online or doing video and I hear people say this quite a bit. It's like, you I know I should, I should, or I know I need to do more. And they view it as like this monumental amount that they have to do, but they're virtually doing nothing today. And just a little bit will help get the real voice out there. And my belief is that that voice is what's going to draw people to them. What's your thought on that, Chris?

A hundred percent. I mean, there's this saying I heard once that your vibe attracts your tribe and in order for you to put your vibe out there, you kind of just have to be your authentic self. One of the biggest compliments I ever get is like, Hey, you seem like exactly like the same guy that I see on the internet. And I'm like, yes, except you probably think I'm extroverted because I'm all in all these videos and webinars and podcasts and things, but I'm actually an extreme introvert. And to your comment about sales. I used to not think I was a sales person or a marketer. And over time I really embraced those things and learned to love them and like became obsessed with it because really sales is all about helping people. And that's what, um, you know, lights me up and creates impact in the world. So, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm excited about this conversation and. I've definitely been through some, you know, a lot of the pain, especially in the early days. And maybe we can, we can, uh, stay there for a little bit, Harry, and talk about the pain and like, what is it, what does it feel like? And I'll throw a few things out there. Um, you know, there's anxiety, there's imposter syndrome, um, There's procrastination that happens and you just kind of push things off. Uh, sometimes you may feel inclined to present yourself in a way that you're not actually, so that's very taxing on you from an energy perspective. And I've been, I've been in all that, but what kind of pain, let's talk about the pain a little more. How do you see it, Harry? Yeah, I,

I just love what you just said. Right. I mean, it just brought back memories. So in sales, when I got started out in the corporate sales, a lot of the activity was on the telephone. And I'm talking about when you mentioned procrastination, it's like. You looked, looked at that phone and it was just horrifying for people like me because we, I'm service minded, calling people to interrupt them and not see their faces. I mean, I was petrified of the idea of dialing and making these dials and doing it for hours on end. So, in order to succeed, though, I knew that this was something I needed to do and, you know, by making the 1st call, right? And when you're doing this daily. Is that that first call, and I used to joke around that I need to start a whole new territory of all the people that I called the first time in the day because that call was 99 out of 100 times was terrible. It was me stammering and stuttering, not feeling comfortable with what I was doing and not giving those people a real opportunity to hear how I could serve them. But you get through this. So that's just one aspect of it is just the the procrastination of it is that I knew I needed to make phone calls, but I'm telling you how many times I got up to get a cup of coffee. How many times I had to read the script. How many times I needed to use the restroom, all of this is like, really, the reality was I just did not want to sit down and make the calls. So what about you, Chris?

Yeah, it's, I mean, I've been there and I, when I look back at an earlier version of myself, I see how inefficient I was and. I don't want to discount, um, the learning curve and the growth that happens as you start kind of getting out there on the internet, because it is painful. It is anxiety producing. You, you have a fear of being judged and people will judge you. Um, and like old people from your former lives are going to see stuff. And you know, you, you'll. It's impossible to not get negative comments or, uh, a little jab from the side from a cousin, a brother, an old friend or whatever. Um, one of the things, there's this key idea that really opened it up for me, uh, which is the first sale you make is to yourself. So when you really believe in your product and your service. If that's not there, nothing else is going to work and this problem is going to persist. So that's like the core of it. But I remember even just making like a YouTube video in isolation alone in my house, I was super nervous. And, um, I learned lots of tricks. And over time, it's just kind of like a muscle. You do it enough times. You, you make those calls or you send that cold email or you go to a conference. Like, I think the first time I went to a conference, I think about how nervous I was, and then when I go to a conference now. My nerves still get up, but it's nothing like it used to be. And I think that's just part of the growth of, um, you know, becoming comfortable in your own skin and, and your business and being on those, the public stage or the court of public opinion.

Yeah. Well, yeah, a hundred percent is your. You know, when you were doing these YouTube videos years ago, and I'm really impressed how you got started or how you mentioned that you've been doing content for 10 to 15 years. And I'm thinking back, what did 15 years ago look like in 2009? Um, it's a little bit different than today, right? There wasn't nearly as many people doing it. So, and you're a bit younger than me. So I look back and I think about the people I knew in high school, which is, you know, a hundred years ago, and that they somehow would be judging me. She's like, they don't even, I mean, they haven't done any of this. And it's like, oh, they're going to think I'm, uh, an imposter or something. It's like they don't care. They've got their own lives. They have their own grandchildren for crying out loud. Why do I worry about, but you, you're younger and you're closer to that age brackets, I'm curious what was going through your mind those first times you started putting yourself out there on video.

Well, I think for me specifically, I'd never really fit in a box. Like there's like all these layers to the onion. And I think all people are really like that. But what happens is, and this is like a thing that happens is people kind of have a caricature of what a person is and they put them in a box and you're aware of those, those awarenesses around you. And, and it's really just human nature because the brain doesn't like to be. Busy and have uncertainty. So it kind of classifies somebody. This is where stereotypes come from. And then you, it just kind of lets the brain put, put that individual in that box. And when you change and you evolve a lot over time and you have lots of different interests and things that you do, um, it's, it's really only your super close friends and your partner and whoever that really sees the layers of the onion. And even still like they may not see all of it. So part of it is just being okay with not being like with not being, uh, uh, I'm sorry, being okay with being judged because just people do that and perceptions are all over the map depending upon their influences and where their ideas are coming from. So a lot of it is just about letting go. And just doing you. And the other thing I find that happens a lot happened to me, I realized later in life that I was an entrepreneur, uh, like in my twenties or something like that. And so I developed like all these new skillsets, different ways of thinking, being starting companies, growing teams and doing all these different things. And that's just not the same person that I was in high school. And, um, and that's okay. That was a snapshot in time and I'm, I'm different now, not better or worse, just different and people are in a constant state of becoming and evolving, right? So it's just, it really, it's about letting go. I think that's, that's the key.

Oh my goodness. Yeah. Uh, it is. And I think of the first video that I did. It was not great. Okay, so I was looking at the video and here I was on LinkedIn. I believe. And the question was, do I hit with my finger? Do I hit post? And, you know, I could easily have not done it. I could still be laboring over putting up my first video, but you eventually. If you know, it's what you need to do and you're, you're promoting your business, you're promoting your ideas, you're promoting how you make the world better. Not necessarily yourself, but you're promoting what your gift is. And when you remove yourself out of it and you just say, you know, I need to do this. I want to do this. I'm just going to do it. And like you said, let go of all the fears and so forth. And I remember, you know, looking back at that first post, and I did this relatively recently, and it was like, there was a ton of positive reactions. There was not one reaction in that post that said. Harry, you're an imposter. You're such an imposter, Harry. How can you put out this video? You crazy imposter, you. So all of these fears just, you know, it was ridiculous. When I look back at it, it's like that prevented me, those fears prevented me from doing something for quite a, quite a long time. I don't know if it was a year or a couple of years, but I had wanted to put out a, I knew I needed to put out a video. I just didn't have the guts. Or couldn't let go of the pride or let go of the ego to actually do it. Thoughts on that? I

totally get that. And the crazy thing that happens is, uh, there's this whole concept of finding your tribe and your people and your market, your industry. The idea that everybody's your customer or content consumer is not a healthy one. And when you find that tribe that appreciates you and, uh, values you, and even sometimes sees more in you than you see in yourself, then. It becomes like a positive feedback loop. And the crazy thing about the internet is it's really hard for the human brain to understand how big the internet is and how we can be in these tribes, like all over, you know, spread across billions of people. And there's this little teeny thin slice that is perfect for you. And once you, once you find that and you realize that your product or your service or your work or your art. Is doing good in the world and these people really appreciate it. Then all that like selling and marketing and content stuff just becomes a lot easier. But in the early days, I do acknowledge before you have that tribe and you have that email list or that customer, um, list or your client list or whatever. Um, it's a really lonely place, which is why finding, A tribe of like similar entrepreneurs on the journey is very healthy and helpful so that you do surround yourself with support. And I think we often feel more alone than we are because we haven't quote found the others yet. And that doesn't mean they're not there. You just haven't connected and found them yet. And the only way to do that is to get out there.

Yeah, if you're and I say this to people that are hesitant, I ask, do you have friends? And everyone says, yes, I've got no one has said I have no friends. So everybody has some friends. So what are your friends like about you? And like you said, the Internet has. A billion fold or not quite maybe a billion fold, but almost a billion fold of that number of friends. We have that really like us because of our whatever sense of humor because the way we ask questions the way we show interest in them. That's also, there's a lot of that multiply. I don't know what the number is, but it's a big number. And if you're thinking, Okay. Like, uh, well, I put out this post and only 17 people liked it or three people liked it, whatever, whatever the number is. If those three people were in the same room as you and said, Chris, great post. Nice job. I'm celebrating it. You say, cool. Three, these, my friends like it, but we get caught up because someone else has, you know, 872 likes. and 300 comments and we say, well, I'm not popular enough. And we look inward and say, this isn't working. We say all of this negative stuff about ourself. So I don't know if you've ever done that, Chris, but if you have, what, what do you do about it?

Well, I think comparing yourselves to others is common and just human nature. There's the whole status game. That's just baked into our DNA as humans. Um, So I just, I, it's, it's for me, what I've done with that is. It's like a snowball that you start pushing. And then one day you wake up and you have like 10 people on your email list or a hundred people or a thousand. And, and one day you wake up and you're like, Holy cow, if there were these many people, like in a room, that's a lot of people that care about what I have to say. So, but I, I call it an entrepreneurship. I call it the valley of despair when you start something new or you switch careers. You have to kind of go through this lull where you're starting at the bottom and you're trying to figure things out and also just kind of letting go of comparing yourself to, you know, celebrities in your niche. It's just not worth it. And it's, it creates more pain than it's worth. And instead of like, when you feel that instead of having jealousy or envy, um, think of it as more like appreciation, like, wow, they're doing really good. I could learn something from them or, uh, and then the other crazy thing with the internet is. Depending upon the person, it's very common to reach out to somebody who's quote, more successful than you and engage and have a conversation, ask for help, maybe try to give to them and help with no expectation in return. And you can develop like this huge web of relationships. And it's not like everybody, it's not like school where, okay, we're in second grade now, now we're in third grade. You can have friends of all kinds of different levels of. Popularity and, and status. And really it's just one of the tricks I use when I'm creating content. Or networking or, you know, doing a presentation is like kind of just let the whole world disappear. I heard this from podcaster Lex Friedman, where he pretends like he, the end of the world has happened and all that's left is just him and his guests and they're talking. You can do that with content too, where. When you're making videos for courses or whatever you're doing, content marketing, just there's this advice to just imagine like your ideal customer avatar, your perfect fit customer, give them a name, give them an identity. Maybe it's a real person, you know, and just act like you're just talking to that one person and everything else around ceases to exist. So any, and I still struggle with all this too. Like for me, I'm really good at that. Online because I've been doing it for over a decade and there could be a thousand people in the webinar or whatever, but I'm, I'm fine. Put me on a stage in a room with a thousand people in the audience. I'm still not ready for that. Like, like I still, I still struggle with all this stuff too. And, um, I, we had a question in the chat from Hank. I just want to speak to you real quick about imposter syndrome. So what that is, is it's basically like when you're going on stage, whether that's on a video, on a real stage or on your website or wherever it is in the court of public opinion, feeling like you're not qualified to be there. And sort of the internal head talk is who am I to do that? Like, and basically what it boils down to is psychology in psychology is I'm not worthy, I'm not good enough. Um, I'm an imposter. I shouldn't be here. And it's just negative self talk that comes in. And that's why I go back to that point about the first sale you make is to yourself. Um, and you don't have to be the best in the world at it. There's only one you. We're all on a growth path. So it's all about just starting and it from a place of service. Which I know is really hard, especially in the beginning of an entrepreneur journey, when you might be focused on scarcity, like, Oh, I really need this money. I'm getting behind on bills. I need clients and the customers and the cashflow. You can get your head in a real scarcity place, but if you can, and that's where imposter syndrome lives, but when you can get over into the abundance place and uh, coming from a place of service. Um, and I'll just tell a really short story here earlier in my marketing agency days, I would have like multi millionaires hiring me to do this marketing work. And I would, and like website design and development and helping them build their online platforms up. And I'm just a guy like living in Montana, you know, without, with two young kids at home without much money. I'm like, who am I? Why are these people even talking to me? I could, I didn't really realize my value. And, uh, over time you just, when you find your skills and passions and everything. People, people come to you and, um, but if, you know, it took me a long time to like, be like, you know what, I am pretty good at this thing and I do care about my clients and my business and yes, I need to make money, but let's just build some cool stuff and. And do it from a place of service. I think you're muted, Harry. Harry, I think you're muted.

Yeah. Uh, great stuff, Chris. The, this, this idea of being an imposter, I was listening to Mel Robbins podcast and I compare myself to Mel Robbins. I mean, she has millions of listeners. I've got 11, uh, just joking. Uh, it's, but I don't, I mean, I listened to these great podcasts. I'm not saying they're, I'm terrible and I'm an imposter. It's just, I am where I am in this journey. So I get inspiration from other podcasts and Mel was talking about this with the imposter syndrome. And if anyone doesn't know Mel Robbins backstory. I highly encourage you to look her up and see where she was just a little over 10 years ago. I mean, her journey from where she was in her mid forties to mid fifties with issues with alcohol, feeling like she's purposeless, not the person she wants to be to becoming a best selling author. Selling millions of books, listen to her podcast. Now she's this motivational and inspirational, um, individual that's to me is phenomenal. Well, what she had on her show recently, her daughter. And her daughter is this young musician and she went to this, she got invited backstage into a tent area where she could grab food and hang out with other musicians and she, she had nothing recorded yet, nothing published. And so she's around all these musicians who have recordings who are performing live on stages. Making, you know, having fans and so forth. And she realized as she was going through this and talking to people, and she felt like such an imposter, she had an awakening moment, an aha moment where she said, you know what, I'm not an imposter. I'm just new at doing this. And man, that's just, it puts it in perspective when I think of, well, I'm not Zig Ziglar, I'm not, you know, you named the sales rockstar coach author. I'm not any of those people. And I would be somewhat intimidated by them, even around them, just in the same sentence. I remember sending out my book. To get endorsements. And I was just quivering or shivering. I'm not sure what the word is, but I was afraid that they would come back and say, Harry, this is terrible. What are you doing writing a book? And instead, I got these incredible endorsements from people I really look up to. And it's just that type of stuff is it's humanity, right? We, we've got to give people a chance to be good. And I think in general, the majority of them by far are. Yeah. And if you look at yourself as being someone that's new and what you're doing or newer, then that's okay. Cause everyone had to start somewhere and the rock stars had to start at the beginning. So yeah, that's, that's my thought on that. What's yours.

I love that. It reminds me, um, there's this funny thing happens too, that sometimes the better you get, the worse this problem becomes in the way that just a story from my past life. I used to run sled dogs in Alaska. I was training with, uh, I did a rod sled dog musher and I, uh, you know, when I first got on the back of a dog team, I'm like, how hard can this be? You just stand here and, and you do the commands and you like steer the dog sled. But as I got better and better, um, the more I realized what I didn't know, the more I could see the real skill and. Um, all the decades of training that like the top dog mushers in the field had the more and then I'm like sitting in a room at a race right before the race that I'm in, I'm surrounded by some of the best in the world, and I'm like, Oh, my God, so it can get worse, the better you get, the more, um. The more humble you get, but that's part of the journey. So, uh, I'm just adding that little nuance there that like you said, like, even if you were in a room with like some of the top salespeople in the world, all that stuff would like flare right back up again. And it's just kind of part of the journey.

It is. And I mean, so it really goes into the growth mindset and I get. Really? Cause I've said all the things that everyone else says. I mean, you and I are saying the same things about our past and what, you know, there's a lot of commonality in this. But the thing is, we broke out of who we were at that time, and that was because we took action, we could have stayed where we were, like you mentioned, you know, your journey from where you were in high school to becoming an entrepreneur. I mean, a dog musher. I mean, I'm not sure what you call those people, but yeah, that's a pretty cool story. I'd love to know more about that sometime, but they're brand new to us. It's a, it's the journey. So we could say, I'm just going to stay where I am because. I don't like people that much. I'm really best behind my computer. I'm best when I'm writing. I'm not great at videos. Why do I need to do that? Why do I need to post about myself? And the answer is you don't, but if you want your message to reach the masses, you're going to have to make the changes and you can settle in and say, well, I just don't have the personality for it, or you can learn to grow out of it. And you know, what helped me was, uh, the book growth mindset by Carol Dweck. And I used to think, Chris, I don't know if you ever thought this way, but if I started out in a sport, um, and I wasn't very good at it, I'd say, well, I'm just not good at this sport and move on to something else. Or if I played a game that I wasn't good at, I'd say I'm not good at this. So I moved on to something else. I had this fixed mindset, which I did not understand in certain areas that if I would have worked harder at it, I could have gotten better, but instead I had this thought that I wasn't born good at lacrosse, for instance, so I must not be a lacrosse player. Everybody who does something had to start somewhere and they worked through the trials and issues that everyone has in the beginning to get better. Like the stories of Michael Jordan not making his, you know, high school basketball team and then. Eventually becoming, you know, the greatest player that ever lived, according to some. So it's that growth mindset I think is super important in getting us out of where we are today. And being the person we really want to be. Thoughts? Is that clear? Does that make

any sense? It makes a hundred percent sense. And I think that's one of those essential ingredient ingredients to have a, to have or develop a growth mindset. And of all the people that I know that are successful and happy and, and doing great things in the world, that's a characteristic that they all have. And I think part of it is, um, to really believe in yourself. Like there's like at its core, there's this belief that like, you can do anything. You just have to decide. And. Um, you know, we do have physical limitations, like you may not have the right build to be a Michael Jordan level basketball player, and that's okay. It's not like you have to be good and exceptional at everything, but you have to find your passion and that whole icky guy thing of, uh, what, what, where do your skills, market opportunity, passions, and all these like line up. And, and then focus that growth mindset energy within that. And it's just, yeah, that's like the most, I think that's the most important personal development work you can do. Of course you can apply it to business, but also to your life, like to your relationships, to your health, um, time on this earth is limited. So like. Why be static and if you're, if you're heading downhill in some regard, try to get back to static and once you're static, try to get it pointed in the upward upward direction. And Margaret had a comment here I wanted to get into about, um, being judged and dealing with, um, haters on social media or, or, um, uh, whether she mentioned in the context of being a woman, getting, getting negative comments. This is an exercise I would encourage everybody to do that helped me get over my imposter syndrome and start an engine of creating video content and content marketing. So back when I was in Montana with a web design agency, I heard the strategy that where you can take the, it's called the FAQ strategy. So what are the 10 Most common questions that your market asks, make a short video about that, which teaches you about, uh, SEO, basically in search intent, like people go to the internet with a question and they're looking for an answer. So you, you write down those list of 10 questions and then you write down a list of the 10 questions they should be asking or aren't, but aren't. And that gives you a list of 20 little short videos you can make. So Chris in Montana took a lawn chair. He drove out to a, like a fly fishing spot in the middle of the woods where nobody's around. I had a TV dinner tray and my laptop and I made. You know, I recorded those 20 videos. I got home, edited them up, chopped them up into the various videos, put them on YouTube. The title of the video was the question. The video was the answer. And one of the first comments, and I was in the woods talking about how to accept credit card payments through the internet. This is back longer ago when it was harder to do than it is now, but it's still hard. And the first comment I got was. Um, I, I just can't take you seriously, like sitting in a, in a chair like with a creek behind you, like you don't look like a business professional. Something like that. And, uh, at the same time, remember earlier I was talking about having these millionaire clients from countries on the other side of the earth. Hiring me. So who do I want to listen to? And who do I want to give my energy to? Um, and one more thing I learned from, from being a sled dog tour guide in a glacier in Alaska that people can only get to by helicopter when you, um, work with like hundreds of thousands of people during, in a service profession. Sometimes people are rude and impolite or unkind or whatever. And it really can rub, rub off on you, especially if you're sensitive. Right. So what I learned, the skill I learned back then is that everybody has a delete button you can, and that's not just like hide this comment or unfriend or block, but also in your own emotional impact, you can just. Tell your subconscious, you know what, just delete that. I'm not giving any more energy to that and moving on. And that delete button is really powerful for, uh, cause haters will come up. You will find tribe and you'll find people that like you, but you will get negative comments from friends, family, strangers on the internet. And I would encourage you to not let that hold you back. And, and another thing you can do too, is. If you're like truly like concerned about your safety and stuff like that is you can just be a, um, you can be on the internet without like disclosing your location or your, you know, I know people that are really successful in business that have like a different name in real life that like they've literally crafted just because they really value privacy. So there's ways that you can, um. You know, uh, make yourself put yourself out there even like really hard, but at the same time, not publish your home address and your everything on the Internet, um, you can do it. You can do that. So,

yeah, those are really good. And, you know, I can't relate to what women feel honestly, right? I'm a male and I empathize with anybody who has to deal with creepy stuff. It's just, I don't see it in my life really. I mean, I can't say, Oh, I understand. Cause I don't, but I wouldn't let that block you from making the impact you want to make. There's a lot of women out there. I mentioned Mel Robbins, Carol Dweck. There's a ton of them that are making a difference and I'm willing to bet they have the creeps that show up on their feed. That their team is probably deleting and, you know, I, my wife has said to me, she says, who, who is this person saying all these things to you? And it's like, yeah, I'm thinking that's a bot. I delete them. I don't know where these people show up. But again, the percentages, like you mentioned, Chris. is that the vast majority of people that show up and like our stuff and comment and will show up are generally good. But those couple of people here and there, you know, we just, we have to dismiss it for me. I take it as a challenge. So when someone busts my chops because they don't love my video or they think what I say is stupid, I say, I'll get better. I said, thanks for the comment. Uh, give an old guy a break, uh, I promise I'll keep improving. I do that just not because of me feeling like I have to improve to please that person. I want them to see that what they say can make a difference in people's lives. And it's just a wake up call for them. But I'm not saying, Hey, nasty person, I'm going to do my next video better so that you can like it. It's like, Hey, nasty person, wake up because what you said is nasty. And maybe if you hear something nice in response, instead of more nastiness, maybe you'll wake up. So that's my little way of dealing with it. But yeah, periodically we get the, the nastiness, but again, I'm not saying I can feel what you're feeling as a woman, because that's a whole different. Side of creepiness at times, unfortunately,

one of the cool things that happens, um, when you build a community, like you can build a business, but I encourage everybody to build a community more than just an audience. And, and one of the, one of the signals that I like to look at that. You're kind of making it, or it's an important milestone is when your community jumps out to defend you in the sense of like, maybe they see a nasty comment and there's levels of nasty. There's some stuff that's just bad trolling. But, um, you know, people will defend you, you know, you'll get private messages like, Hey, I think this person's a troll in your group. You probably want to remove them from your Facebook group or whatever. And your community, that's part of the whole community aspect. Uh, Will help protect you as you help protect them. Cause part of building an audience or a community or a tribe on the internet, it's about building a safe place. But when you go out into the world and plate platforms, you can't control like YouTube comments as an example. Are, are notoriously full of trolls and negative stuff. I know a lot of YouTubers that just say that I don't even read the comments. Like I don't read it. And that's just, sometimes that's where people get to. Um, cause your attention as a creator. And a creative person and an entrepreneur is is valuable. Um, so, I mean, it kind of goes without saying, but you want to give that energy to the people that, you know, know, respect you, value what you're doing. Um, but you do, you do have to deal with the real negative and there is real evil in the world. And, and that's, that's part of our journey as well.

Yeah, I just, Not just, but the sensitivity that we have as people who are more introverted, we're probably a little more sensitive than many. Sometimes it's acting a little bit, right? Where we have to put ourselves in a place where we're on stage. Like when you go out and you speak publicly, I know I do this is that I have to, you know, listen to the right music to get me fired up. I put myself in a different zone. And sometimes the people that will see me on stage will see me off stage and say, what's wrong with you? Are you okay? It's like, yeah, this is me normal, right? This is me in my relaxed chill state versus me being hyped up and getting on stage. And sometimes you have to do this on social media. If you're doing video, I mean, you know, the whole idea of being your genuine, authentic self in sales, people don't want to do business with people who are. You know, uh, let's see, what is the word where they're miserable there? They don't love life. They're complaining all the time. Nobody wants to be around those types of people in business. So when you're authentic, you're going to have days that you're not great and you're not feeling great. And you might, you can mention it a bit, but you still, you get beyond that because your brand is important. And if people say, well, your brand is, uh, Jeff Bezos says, your brand is what people say when you're not in the room. What did people say about you when you're not in the room? Well, if you're coming across as a dentist, downer, or you're always miserable, I just would encourage you to get the gratitude going, put yourself in a different zone and say, yeah, my business, my mission depends on this. I've got to step up my game because we're going to have these moments in life where we don't feel our best, but we can get past that. And again, I think that's part of the growth mindset. Any thoughts on that? Take Chris.

Yeah. And there's, there's a, um, there's a really good book. I encourage everybody to read called the alter ego effect by Todd Herman and it speaks to this idea a little bit and this ties into imposter syndrome. But the alter ego effect is essentially like an identity or in a persona that you have when you're on stage like at work or in your business or as a parent. Or as, um, a friend. And there's lots of famous examples of famous athletes who have this like routine and ritual of like becoming there. alter ego, uh, to go out on the field and perform at their highest level. Um, which sounds like being an imposter, but it's not, it's actually kind of calling on the best parts of yourself, given the context that you're going into. So whether, so I like you, Harry, like, for example, I'm standing up, uh, which I, which helps me step into my online, Chris making content, Chris later today. I'll be on the couch with my laptop doing something with like a quarter of the energy. Um, alter ego effect. There's lots of cool tricks you can do as well. Like you have a uniform as an example. Um, and this is common, like it's why doctors wear like a white lab coat and, you know, police officers wear what they wear for. Uh, respecting authority and stuff. But like when you go in, you'll see some of the best YouTubers, like they're wearing the same outfit all the time. It's literally, they're like uniform for like, all right, I'm stepping into my content creator on stage persona, which isn't about being fake or being an imposter, it's about showing up and bringing your best self. And this becomes much more clear and easy to see if you're a parent. Sometimes parents, especially, um, ones that are like working really hard on their business. And as an entrepreneur, you're dealing with all the struggles and you get home and you just have nothing left for your spouse or your kids. Um, if you can figure out how to step into like the, okay. And there's all these cute, there can be like literally cues in your environment. Like when I walk through this door or I put my laptop bag down. You develop this routine to like step into like present father technologies away, super focused on the kids. Um, um, you know, being your best self in that context. So I'd highly recommend you check out the alter ego effect. The book, there's many videos with Todd about that and examples, but that helps you. And it's counterintuitive. You're not becoming a fake person. You're actually just bringing the best parts for that context.

Yeah, I, I love that as you're saying this, I'm thinking, do we really know our authentic self? Do we really know is because when you do the work on yourself and you find out that we're, we shut down for certain reasons, we get discouraged over things. We give up on other things. A lot of this can be traced back to, you know, pre teens or childhood. And then there's a whole other ton of stuff that can be traced back to way people responded in high school. Our formative years before we're seven years old. And then the years in high school where there's so much pressure, peer pressure going on, and we're trying to make life decisions. Do we really know who we are? I can tell you I didn't. I mean, I'm 62 years old. I've done more work on myself over the past three or four years than I ever even knew people did. I didn't know people worked on themselves. But when you start reading and you understand, you learn more about the subconscious mind and you trace back and listen to a lot of Wayne Dyer on YouTube. And I try to go back to my childhood, to my young, young age. And I think about Wow, I was so different back then. And then you look at the transformation throughout life and say, that wasn't me. That's not who I really was in high school. I was trying to be someone else to get along with my peers. And I just encourage you is to is like what you just described this alter ego. I wonder if the alter ego is who we really are. You know, it's like this is this is our best right where we can say I'm going to be my best parent of the best parent. I'm going to be the best leader. I'm going to be the best employer. I'm going to be the best speaker is maybe that's who we're supposed to be. Versus, um, I'm kind of grouchy today and I'm really soft spoken. And, you know, we can trace a lot of this stuff back folks, because our parents may have said older generations have said this kids are to be seen, not heard, and if we grew up in that environment. And we were told to be quiet all the time, then we're naturally we may not be naturally quiet. We may be different than who we are. And that's just deep thinking from Harry Spade. But I'll also give the mic back to you. Chris, any thoughts on that craziness?

Yeah, I mean, we're human becomeings. We're not like static human beings. And, you know, there's some tactical exercises you can do to work on this. If you've been in personal development for any amount of time, you've probably heard the advice that. It's a good exercise to write, pretend there's your, uh, eulogy at your funeral. What would people say? And, and the reason that exercise is helpful is it allows you to imagine the ideal life and impact and how you'll be remembered. And it gives you a concept of the person that you want to transform or become into, that's already, uh, um, like an acorn inside of you, you just got to grow the oak tree and. Another way you can do it that's a little less morbid is you can do a visualization in a meditation or whatever, and think about, um, 20, 30 years from now, the future version of yourself, and you go to that person in your visualization, and, um, You, um, picture what that's like. You ask that person for advice and it, we, if we don't have a destination, we go nowhere. So even to take a moment to like put the pressure to conform aside, put that old baggage of. Um, not being heard and stay in your place and follow the script and do the American dream or whatever the, the, the like path that you're quote supposed to be on and just let all that go and imagine that ideal, uh, future version of yourself, not just. You know what you look like, how you feel, like what's in your life, what are your relationships like all that stuff that's all inside of you, but it gives you like kind of a visual and a destination. That's why those, um, vision boards and things like that are important. It's not about like, um, just manifesting fancy cars and houses or whatever. It's, it's about making the space to think about who you want to become. And it's not. You're going to fake it into that person. It's like, you're literally on a journey to become the best version of yourself. That's why we like the word authentic, authentic. Um, because it's not just your authentic self. It's your, it's like. The highest form of that, like, what does that look like? You can be authentic and miserable, but what would authentic and happy and successful and healthy and relationships look like, and just realize that there's a lot of struggle ups and it's not like a line that goes straight up, there'll be setbacks, there'll be pain in your life. But visualize what you want to become and try to get outside of the boundaries of, of like your programming. Yeah, it's really,

really good. I mean, you're, you're a deep thinker, Chris, and this has really been a blast. I love the conversation. And I just say that for those who are restarted off where we're talking about being your genuine, authentic self online and where you're trying to make the impact that you were born to make, that's, that's the vision that you have. And then just recognize that you have people like Chris and me and many others who are in your corner. So if you're posting and you're not 100 percent sure that you're going to get a like, you can tag either one of us, I bet. And we're going to give you a reaction. We're going to give you a like, we'll give you a comment. Because we've been there, right? So when we're tagged, we know that you're calling on us to say, hey, we need some love. We need some support here and we're there for you on that. Um, and you'll find that there is a big community of people. Once you show that you're stretching, getting out of your comfort zone, uh, even if it's your alter ego and you have maybe have a challenge with that, but that may be your best self. Yeah. And, uh, we're, we're just here to help you to give you that nudge so that you can do what you're meant, what you're born to do. Um, that's my take, but this is, this has been a blast, Chris.

Yeah, I love those closing thoughts, Harry. And there's, I just want to add this idea that we overestimate what we can do in a day, but we underestimate what we can do in a year and decades. So it isn't, it isn't about pulling your future self that you want to become to tomorrow. It's going to be like a, a journey and, um, and take some time to reflect back and see what you've already accomplished, maybe getting your first paying client. Launching your website, um, going through the, uh, career change, um, taking some risks, like there's all kinds of little wins to celebrate along the way. So good.

This has been a blast, Chris. We could go on all day. I'm sure. Uh, but this truly has been a real blessing to get together with you and have this conversation and, uh, hopefully, uh, A few of our listeners who joined in with the comments will, uh, have massive benefit from this.

Awesome. Well, Harry, where, um, if somebody is new to you, who's watching this, where can they find out more about you?

Uh, best place is sellingwithdignity. com and, uh, they can download a few chapters of my book and see. Not just see what this is all about. Really. It's my mission is to help people in business to grow their business without the pushy, slimy salesy tactics. Um, so you get a free download of the book or a few chapters anyway, at sellingwithdignity. com the book. Oh, Chris, where can people find more of your

brilliance? I just want to say sales is a super skill. Like it's super important and learning from somebody like Harry, learning the real deal, the holistic view, the introverted non pushy way is it's a skill that everybody, everybody needs. Um, I'm, I'm really easy to connect with on the internet. Um, you can find me on Twitter at Chris Badgett. My software is called Lifter LMS, which is a learning management system. So if you're creating courses, coaching programs, or membership site, that kind of thing, that's what Lifter LMS is. We have a super powerful free version, so you can literally get started for free and you can find all that. At lifter lms. com. I want to thank everybody for coming. Thanks for those of you who are here live, engaging in the chat. We really appreciate you. Thanks for dropping those, those comments. It means a lot. This is a little different type of, um, content than we do, but I just want to say, this is like that piece where we're working with you as peers. On the journey together. And, um, you know, this is part of the community and that whole tribe aspect of surround yourself with positive people and have that growth mindset. With that, thank you for coming. Thank you, Harry. And I hope you all have a great rest of your day. It's

been great.

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