The Value of Emotional Intelligence in Sales with Ron Frost

00:00:00] Harry: Ron Frost, what is the good word? So, thanks for joining me. We are excited to be here to talk a little bit about emotional intelligence. What Yeah. Emotional intelligence. Yeah. You know, if you think about sales and people who wanna grow in sales, Ron, there's all kinds of things that, these are the lines that you need to have.

[00:00:24] Harry: So welcome. Ron, what's, what's your thought on all of

[00:00:28] Ron Frost: this? Oh, absolutely Harry. This is probably one of the most important topics, emotional intelligence being a very important topic. But within emotional intelligence, the foundation is to know yourself. You know, everything hap, everything in your outer world is a reflection of what's going on in your inner world.

[00:00:45] Ron Frost: So if fundamentally you believe that sales is difficult, you're gonna show up to a world where sales are difficult. If you have a, if, if you're like, you know, everybody's a jerk, or This call's gonna go bad, or if this is the thing that's [00:01:00] been repetitively going on in your mind, I, you, you need to be able to be aware of that.

[00:01:06] Ron Frost: And you know what? Life, life does introduce us to certain things that we are fearful of, right? And fear is a big protector, right? It can, and it can help us out in certain situations, but it can also bring, bring up that constant mindset chatter of being in that defeat mindset. And we really don't want to go into a sales conversation or developing connection and rapport.

[00:01:36] Ron Frost: If we don't kind of look within, we don't kind of understand ourself on that level because, I mean, I know as I've gotten older, I've gotten probably better at this, but we all carry some sort of an emotional baggage or trauma or triggers or things that, that we bring into every conversation. So it's, it's really, [00:02:00] it's very important topic.

[00:02:01] Harry: Yeah, I mean, it's so true as I'm playing with different screens as you're speaking, I apologize, but part of my emotional intelligence is to confess my sin as to why I was distracted. But I, I just wanted to see if there's any chats that pop up. So, yeah, so just, just this understanding about who we are, what kind of challenges we face.

[00:02:26] Harry: I, I remember speaking to someone who wasn't. Sales at the time. I don't know if they still are, but they said something along the lines, I don't even like people. Yeah. And a person was clearly in it for money. So as you look at personalities that succeed in sales, Very frequently you see the ones that have endured and are the best performers are the ones that really love people.

[00:02:56] Harry: The ones that are in it for money seem to come and go, [00:03:00] and if they could just learn a little bit more about where the value is for. Understanding why they just want the money and they're, they're, you know, going through people like a hot knife on butter, if I can pull up that expression. Yep. But, you know, if, if you just stop and reflect a little bit about those, these types of things, is that what you ultimately desire will come by doing the right things?

[00:03:32] Harry: Absolutely. But if you just pursue the money, You're, there's no, there's no shortcuts because you're gonna trample all over people and that's really not what prospects and clients are looking for these days.

[00:03:47] Ron Frost: Thoughts? Absolutely. Yeah. And the whole thing around money is we, we know that maybe money may be the object that we know we need to have to live by.[00:04:00]

[00:04:00] Ron Frost: It's also the. Outcome of living in an authentic life, being true to yourself, treating people well, and knowing what it means to really be of service, whether it's in the area of sales or any other similar area, that if you do that really, really well and you add value into people's lives, that this other area called money happens.

[00:04:28] Ron Frost: It just happens. Mm-hmm. And I know that's a difficult thing cuz so many people. They, they get desperate and they're, they've got a lot going on in their life and sometimes they just want to kill the sale, right? Mm-hmm. And it comes across that way. And I know, you know, I've been probably, there's times I.

[00:04:48] Ron Frost: I can't point the finger out at anybody else without realizing it. There's been times probably I've been that way too. Oh no. No

[00:04:54] Harry: way.

[00:04:55] Ron Frost: Yeah. Back when I had hair on my head.

[00:04:58] Harry: Yeah, yeah, me too. Once a once [00:05:00] in a while maybe.

[00:05:02] Ron Frost: Yeah. But you know, it's Harry. I think when, when we realize that, when it comes down to our innermost emotions and where we are at with those, as well as our thoughts and beliefs, cuz they go together.

[00:05:18] Ron Frost: That if we, if we are mindful of what we bring into conversations, because we have these lower emotions, which is fear, worry, and doubt, shame, guilt, blame, right? The higher ones are what would be compassion, empathy, love. I know there's a whole emotional scale, but. Either way, as long as we know is there something in going on in our life that, that maybe we need to address.

[00:05:51] Ron Frost: It may be a, it may be an old pattern that surfaces the moment somebody cuts us off on the highway or [00:06:00] whatever, you know, or we we're feeling in a complete rush. Or our sales manager is really down on us because we've had a last month and we're in that, that fear state, but, When we know that we control the essence of who we are, how we think, how we behave, our emotional, and what we bring into that conversation that's really golden there.

[00:06:26] Ron Frost: But it starts with knowing yourself. It really does.

[00:06:29] Harry: Yeah, absolutely. So let's think about some examples where knowing yourself, like you mentioned, like you mentioned, you know, being cut off in traffic. We talked about the money pursuits and so forth, but you know, some things that come to mind when it comes to knowing yourself is just the mood that you're in at the moment.

[00:06:54] Harry: Yeah. And sometimes this is not always easy, right? Because our [00:07:00] minds go a million directions. We've got thoughts. I don't know if the numbers are, but there's a lot of thoughts every second that are traveling through our mind and. You know, sometimes those thoughts are negative, sometimes they're positive.

[00:07:14] Harry: Sometimes they're just completely neutral. But if we're in, sometimes, I don't know if this ever happens to you, but sometimes I get in a funk. Yeah. And I may not be aware of it, and then having a conversation. My wife may say something and I kind of give her a look and she'll say, well, what's up with you?

[00:07:33] Harry: Yeah. And I'm like, Hmm. I guess I must be in a little right, that that's all you need, or that's all I need is to say something's awry that I'm in some kind of funk. Sometimes I feel it. Sometimes I'm just not doing what I feel like I should be doing. Well, if I'm in that mindset, I'm not gonna reach out on a very important opportunity and just go right from there.[00:08:00]

[00:08:00] Harry: My first thing is I'm gonna work on what's going on, right? Sure. If I have to watch a YouTube video, that gets me fired up. If I have to listen to music, that gets me fired up something, maybe go for a walk, something to get me out of the funk. Yeah, then I'm in a better position to serve versus kind of being a little bit cranky.

[00:08:24] Harry: And maybe I'm a little bit short to the point. And that's not necessarily the position you wanna be in when you're making a sales call or speaking to someone about an important opportunity. What's

[00:08:35] Ron Frost: your thought? Yeah, no, you're, you're right. If you can least, I mean, we're all rushed for time and we're on schedules, and sometimes we have appointments that have previously been set.

[00:08:46] Ron Frost: And we really have to show up the best that we can. But you're right, there's times when we need to really take care of the self. Mm-hmm. And, and I, and I now remember that quote because it had to do with meditation [00:09:00] and I, and I believe meditation is not just sitting with your eyes shut with a candle going o it could just be of taking a moment, walking out to nature and just sitting quietly.

[00:09:10] Ron Frost: Right. Just taking a, a couple of deep breaths. And sometimes we need to do that. And it was an interesting speech that I had heard a while ago and it was from Warren Buffet who we know is a very wealthy person. And somebody asked him for like financial advice. Basically he is like, what is that daily habit that you would recommend?

[00:09:32] Ron Frost: And he had mentioned meditation, cuz I guess he practices himself. Mm. Because he clears his mind. He wants to come to the world, you know, each morning to the world fresh without worries. Wants to be able to have conversations with people that he is open and listening and he wants to be mindful of being able to not bring too much emotion into decisions around money.

[00:09:52] Ron Frost: And so the funny thing was, was the guy goes, no, no, no. I wanna know something that's gonna help me financially. And he, and he said, [00:10:00] he leaned in, he said, meditation, right? Just take pause. Take a pause, be in nature. Just quiet your mind. Maybe, you know, maybe don't. Don't try to rush into that next opportunity if you're not ready.

[00:10:12] Ron Frost: And to your point, I had, you know, going back, I was coaching a salesperson and I flew out and I maybe didn't spend some role playing time that I probably should have and thought maybe that, you know, he was already been calling on people and we just were out knocking on doors. It was business to business type of Sales we were doing and quite often, you know, we, we weren't going through the door to land a sale.

[00:10:45] Ron Frost: Mm-hmm. We were going through the door to maybe meet the owner or decision maker and shake a hand, say hello, exchange business cards and we could always follow up. And also, you know, it's one of those things that's like, [00:11:00] If they're busy, that's okay. Or if they've got customers that, that's okay. It wasn't about trying to get a sale, it was just trying to connect and hopefully get a business card or a name that you could follow up with.

[00:11:10] Ron Frost: Mm-hmm. And didn't go that way here. What happened? Yeah, we, and we walked in and he's, you know, wherever he was mentally at that moment. The owner or your associate person? Hours coaching. Okay. Yeah. Again, my fault, I didn't do any pre Yeah, of course. I didn't do any role playing or any walks in and they had just this thing where the ego was more present and the person wasn't present.

[00:11:42] Ron Frost: You know that we all have that. Mm-hmm. That defense mechanism we put on, and quite often men do it more than women, but it's, it is. Definitely a pair where I think he interrupted. There was a customer there, he stepped forward. Number one, you don't do that. You wait for that. That's [00:12:00] their bread and butter.

[00:12:00] Ron Frost: Mm-hmm. They gotta make mm-hmm. Money. You don't wanna cut your customer off. Right. Right. And then he barges in and of course I think he starts to cut off the conversation and it got to a point where probably should have been respectful and backed off, but it didn't go well. It turned out to where the guy actually ripped his business card in front of him, in front the trash.

[00:12:21] Ron Frost: Can we walk out? I was like, how did that go? Right? What, so part of that is learning these lessons about it is important to really know that if you've got something going on in your life, if you've got stress, if you have something that, that maybe, maybe read a great sales book. At that moment or maybe call on the favorite customer that you always get along with that just cheers you up or somebody in your life that cheers you up.

[00:12:56] Ron Frost: Right. I'd probably call you Harry. So. [00:13:00]

[00:13:01] Harry: Well, that's such a interesting experience. I have seen my share of those, but, so with that whole experience, yes. If we just break it down and say, well, I, I get what you're saying is like, you're, you're falling on the sword. There are things we could do better as a leader and so forth, but sometimes we just, you know, things throw us off.

[00:13:27] Harry: Yeah. Right. So in a moment like that, where it's really challenged, I've been in them, I've been thrown outta places before. Me being in a cranky mood, the owner of a store or whatever, print shop, wherever I was calling on, being in a cranky mood. Emotions collide. There's an explosion. I'm walking out and that person never wants to see me again.

[00:13:53] Harry: I mean, it's happened once or twice. That doesn't happen a lot. It hasn't happened a lot, but it, it does happen, right? Because it's [00:14:00] just the, the nature of the thing with, with people interacting. So as we mature and, you know, I think the, the key thing on all of this, Ron, is. Is that self-reflection, sometimes people get pretty emotional especially when they view us as every other type of sales person. Yes. And when they say things like All you salespeople are alike. I know the hair on the back of my neck, if I had any hair on the back of my neck would stand up.

[00:14:33] Harry: When people compare me to every other salesperson it is. It's, they know what they're doing, right? They're, they're saying it in a derogatory way. There's nothing positive about that statement. They're viewing salespeople as liars, phonies, all after the money, I think. Right. See, I have the perception as to what they think, [00:15:00] but I don't really know.

[00:15:03] Harry: So I could be saying all this based on my own perception, and then it could, that's where the collision can take place.

[00:15:10] Ron Frost: We are all alike. Yeah. Right. We're all bald. Yeah. Right. So no, you're, have we though done that where we've maybe pigeonholed somebody because maybe their role or their title and I get it because.

[00:15:27] Ron Frost: You know, so many people have been gotten those phone calls during dinnertime, but that person on the other ends doing what they're told to do, but they fall in the same category as a salesperson. Yet we know the realm of sales, depending on a product or the service, or if they're an inside or an outside salesperson, or some people who are maybe more.

[00:15:51] Ron Frost: Technical sales versus another type of sales. So we all can get labeled as the salesperson. [00:16:00] And sometimes even when you go, regardless of where you are connecting, whether it's in person over the phone or today virtually, there's a lot of virtual sales The best thing that we can do is we can't control the belief of the other person, but we can choose to be open willing to be to share, provide a platform for them to speak. Be a good listener. Ask the right questions. And after a while, within a certain amount of time, people say, well, this guy Harry, is not like what I thought.

[00:16:43] Ron Frost: Right. There's a little bit of an adjustment there, and I think part of that again, is being comfortable in your own skin. Knowing yourself, maybe, maybe, maybe even knowing where your strengths and weaknesses are. Yeah,

[00:16:58] Ron Frost: They just are [00:17:00] very good with having empathy in the moment, and they may be, have had a lot of rejection, so they're okay. Mm-hmm. You know, and I think this happens as you get older. So if any of you are out there and you've been just entering the world to sales, you know, know that the patience builds over time, but allowing somebody to, to vent even when their assumption may be totally wrong.

[00:17:28] Ron Frost: Right. Yeah. Like all salespeople are the same way. It's tough to do, but it's probably you're gaining rapport at that moment. Yeah, totally. Because you didn't run, you didn't react, you didn't flip 'em off. Give them, you didn't give them half a p sign. Right, right,

[00:17:45] Harry: right. Well, I've been in those situations where the person's apologized afterwards.

[00:17:53] Harry: Yes. Just by remaining calm. And then you've got. You know, I, if leverage is the right [00:18:00] word, upper hand, but you're in a position now where there's more respect for you than a lot of other people that might have retaliated like for like, right? Absolutely. So just by being a mild mannered person. Now, again, I don't want to you guys to think that I'm not, I'm always mild mannered cuz I have blown, you know, a gasket once or twice.

[00:18:25] Harry: And regretted it. But you know, the thing is, after you do that, that's where you gotta self-reflect and say, what the heck was that about? Right? And so then you just gotta just look inward and commit that I'm not gonna do that again. And oh, by the way, I've done it again. And we all have, we've had arguments with family members, kids, spouses, coworkers, people on the sales team, you name it.

[00:18:51] Harry: But we just want to continue to work on it. Recognize it, continue to make improvement. And this is the lifelong learning that you [00:19:00] were talking about earlier, I think, is that it's, it's not just one and done. We don't ever really achieve this type of nirvana. It's something that we're constantly working on it.

[00:19:11] Harry: Do you wanna ex expand on that a little Ron?

[00:19:14] Ron Frost: Yeah, so you, we've all probably heard this psychologist say, we're pre pre determinedly wired by the age seven of our beliefs and our reactions and the way we see the world and our emotions. And if we believe that's true, then we're ne we, we, we might as well give up.

[00:19:31] Ron Frost: We can't learn beyond that. But we, we know it's not, and there's so many things I, I've been through radical forgiveness work where I've done gratitude. Work. I mean, grad, if you do a gratitude journal, that shifts you right there. Like going back to when you say you have a bad day. If you do grad, you spend time in gratitude.

[00:19:51] Ron Frost: You, you always have something grateful for. Mm-hmm. And you can't help, you can't, you can't be in fear, in gratitude. At the same time, the two opposite emotions. You can't be [00:20:00] an anger and graduate at this. It just doesn't work. Right. And then, you know, of course I don't like the word affirmations.

[00:20:05] Ron Frost: I'm more about positive self-talk because I do it a little differently. Mm-hmm. I, I don't like, you know, you hear the, oh, I am rich. I am rich, I'm a millionaire. Oh no, I'm not. Like, you know, your, your mind is constantly, you know, backing up from those statements. But you can say, This is going to be a great sales call.

[00:20:25] Ron Frost: You can say, instead of saying, I'm gonna get a sale, I'm gonna have, you know, I'm gonna connect. Well, you can come out of an awful one. Say, you know what? Maybe there's something I can gain from this. Maybe I can learn from this. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. There's actually years ago in Baltimore, Maryland, I did get thrown out.

[00:20:46] Ron Frost: So you just raised this memory in me and I was. Mindful I didn't shout back. I was, you know, kind of like respectfully exited and realizing the [00:21:00] timing wasn't right. But I did it politely and I had gotten a. By the time I got back home later that evening, I, I actually had to go out for a drink. I was like, I was like, oh no.

[00:21:13] Ron Frost: And then I call people back at the office and they're like, you know, oh yeah, we know. We all been thrown out. We know who that is. Right. Yeah. So it's funny. Yeah, cuz they sent me, right, because they probably all figured, well my boss the next day was like yeah. He placed a pretty sizable order. Thank you.

[00:21:32] Ron Frost: And part of that, going back to what you said is the dynamic of where somebody's apologizing and felt guilty. Now, he is never, his apology wasn't what I would call an apology, but he instantly became respectful to me every time I stopped by and he would call me now and then. And I realized that there's certain people that need the upper hand and sometimes they need that one moment in time to re, to let them let you know that they are at that upper [00:22:00] hand.

[00:22:00] Ron Frost: Yep. And they're few and far between, and I can sometimes like look at some of those people and say, I'm actually, you know, connect well with those people. Maybe not in the first time I walk through the door like I did that time. But I think part of that is just kind of knowing strengths, knowing yourself and knowing that even though psychologists say we're stuck at the age seven for the rest of our life, we are.

[00:22:25] Ron Frost: Forever developing and growing emotionally, spiritually, in so many different ways. And emotional intelligence is one of the big ones.

[00:22:35] Harry: Ron, this has been a blast. Appreciate the conversation and where can people find more of you, my friend?

[00:22:43] Ron Frost: Oh, thanks Harry. Yeah. My website is www.ronaldfrost.com or my phone number is (239) 265-4380. [00:23:00] Or if they wanna email me, they can email me@frostspeaksgmail.com.

[00:23:07] Harry: There you go. So thank you Ron. We'll do it again. You'll spend a blast. Good stuff.

[00:23:12] Ron Frost: Thank you, Harry