A Million Dollar Mindset And Bankroll Opportunity With Master Photographer Jeff Lubin

Speaker 1: 0:04

I'm Carrie Brett, and this is Shot At Love. Today we'll be discussing the ways relationships are just like running a business. There are many similarities, like the importance of your brand, your value, networking, connections, down to supply and demand. This week's guest is Jeff Lubin, and he's a nationally known master photographer, keynote speaker, and leader in business in the photography world, and an expert in sales. He's also owned one of the most successful studios in the country for over 38 years. He's my mentor and the reason I had my online dating breakthrough, he's also given me some of the best advice of my life. When we come back, we'll discuss unwritten rules, navigating the highs and lows, and why we should remain confident in our abilities. You won't wanna miss it, so stay tuned. Jeff Lubin began with a humble beginnings and a small studio with a window and a neon sign to becoming one of the leading portrait photographers in the Washington DC area for nearly four decades. Some of his clients include Linda Carter, Kyle Ripkin, Robert and Sheila Johnson and Larry King. In 2017, the Jeff Lubin studio was commissioned to create seven paintings to adorn the United States Court of Appeals for the armed forces work, which will be displayed throughout history. Jeff's style has won him many national and state awards. He earned the coveted master of photography degree from the Professional Photographers of America in 1992. After only three years of competition, the following year, he received his craftsman degree. Jeff's work has been featured in several issues of Rangefinder Magazine and the Professional Photographer Magazine. He has also published over a hundred articles in photography. He's been a renowned keynote speaker at national and state conventions all over the globe. Jeff style is one of the most emulated in the photography industry over the last quarter century. It's with my honor to welcome my mentor and dear friend, Jeff Luen. Welcome to the show. Jeff.

Speaker 2: 2:28

Hello, Carrie. Thanks for having me on. I'm super excited to be here with you today.

Speaker 1: 2:33

This is great. Life is long, isn't it, Jeff? And this is false. Life

Speaker 2: 2:37

Is long<laugh> not getting longer, but it's long<laugh>.

Speaker 1: 2:42

Did you ever think we would end up here after me being in my darkest hours crying every day to you on the phone or texting? You come a long way. Well,

Speaker 2: 2:53

You, you're the phoenix that rises from the ashes. I've seen you rise from the ashes multiple times. You get down, you get up beaten and bloodied and get into the ring ready to go another round.<laugh>. It's so true.<laugh>.

Speaker 1: 3:08

It's so true. I say I'm the Rocky Balboa of Tinder, but I think if you're a business owner or an entrepreneur, you earn it and, and you earn everything you do in life. And you taught me that. And you are, you are the same way. And so when I met you, it was like, oh my God, this, I was looking and looking and searching for answers. And it was so frustrating because I didn't even know that I could do portraiture. And I had a printer and he said, you know, Carrie, you should enter this competition, professional photographers in Massachusetts. And he said, I think you're so good. I'm gonna enter your prints. And I won a bunch of awards and I, it was like this dark corso came outta nowhere. And the very next week was eep. And the, I was able to score the last seat in your portraiture class on Cape Cod. I was 24 years old, and you came in and it was freezing. I remember that. And you had a golf shirt on<laugh>, and you, and you got up<laugh>, and you were so serious and so fierce, and you started this lecture and you said, there will be one of you in this class who will listen to everything I have to say, and you'll implement everything that I teach during this week. And then one day you'll be more successful than me. So I wanna know who that person is, and you need to think about that. And so then you started your class and I was like, so excited. I was in the ba, I mean, you could peel me off the ceiling. It was like, you know, you know, Elvis had just entered the building. And I think that's why I like cult so much. I mean, I used to joke that you, we were like a cult leader. People just blocked near and far. I was like, forget about the branch of Dominions. You are like the branch of Louisians<laugh>. So I went up to you at the end of class and I said, I think I was one of the only women in the class. And I said, hi, Mr. Lubin. My name's Carrie Brett, and I just want to let you know that you came here for me. And then I said, and I'm not sure that you believe me or not, but I'm telling you that the person that you came for is me. And you looked at me and you smiled, and you said, do you know what? I believe you

Speaker 2: 5:28

<laugh>

Speaker 1: 5:29

<laugh> and that, and that's, but that was it. You would leave the room and you were all business. And I would try to make friends, photography friends. And then you said at the end of the class, this was pre cell phones and social media and all that. You said, listen, I left my blood on the floor for all of you people. You paid the price for admission. I'm leaving. Do not call my studio asking for advice. Like it ends here and you need to respect that. I do this all over the world. And that's that. And I was like, okay. Like I literally would've gotten on a plane and like changed toilet paper in your studio. Like I would've emptied trash cans. I would've like done faxes, whatever, just to be around you, because I'd never knew someone like you existed. And the following year, it was time for me to go back to nep and I didn't know if you were coming back or not. And I, I just signed up for another teacher, and I think it was, I think it was like Tim Walden or something, I can't even remember back then. Or Tim Kelly and I get a call the day before NEP starts, and it's Salario and he's the president of it. And he says to me, Carrie, would you go to the airport and pick up Jeff Lupin? So you, I guess you called Sal and you were like, you forgot my name. And you said, call the blonde girl. The blonde girl will come for me. She'll come to Logan and pick me up because he probably didn't have it in the budget to send a cab to get you. But you know, this is pretty Uber. So, uh, of course I came and got you. And that's when I got my nickname kv, because you kept calling me with your like, New Jersey esque accent<laugh>. You'd be like, Carrie, Carrie<laugh>. I'm like, my name isn't Carrie, it's Carrie. And you'd like, couldn't say it, it was so bad. You'd be like, Gary<laugh>. And I'm like, Jeff, my name. Do you know John Carey? Uh, I try to teach you that way and you're, it just, it just became KB And yeah. And so that's a really fun story,

Speaker 2: 7:29

<laugh>, that's just, that's like the, like the very tip of the iceberg right there.

Speaker 1: 7:34

That just pretty much sums it up. So let's talk, tell people about your photo. Give us a little synopsis of how you went from weddings and you became this household brand and you really did things differently than other photographers. I mean, you still do. So give us a little background on, on your story.

Speaker 2: 7:57

Okay. So for the purposes of people that are listening and are curious, uh, if you go to Instagram, looking at the Instagram, you can see some of my work and the style that, uh, it's a very painterly style that I've created. I, I started it in the days of film when they're, we didn't have any digital and I used, uh, camera tools without getting too sophisticated to, to have my portraits. My photographs look more like paintings. And that was the style that I used to win those competitions that you're talking about. And kind of, I, I originated that. And um, so that was kind of my brand at least, you know, going out. And, um, I also have a Facebook group with about 10,000 photographers. It's Jeff Lupins business and Portrait tip of the day. So if any of you out there are interested in getting free tips, you can, you can join that. So that's my, that's what I've got going on on. But in any case, uh, in those early days, um, you know, I wasn't always a photographer. Actually, I had a kind of rough beginning. It was a high school dropout, hung out with all the wrong crowd. I went in the Navy at 17, and when I got out, I had no education, I had no money. And, uh, so I worked as a porter and, uh, Howard Johnson's on New Jersey Turnpike, no car,<laugh><laugh>. It was rough dollar an hour minimum wage. So I worked 40 hours being home,$37. So that kind of tells you where I was at. And um, so I, I, I was living at home and that got old. So I went back to high school, actually did finish. And I used the GI belt to go to Washington, DC um, to get into a junior college to get some advanced education. So that got me out of New Jersey<laugh> mm-hmm.<affirmative>. And, um, so I did that, uh, and I met a girl and I, I, I got a job at the Library of Congress as a clerk, and I worked my way up there and then had a child, and then I had two children. And so there I found myself, uh, 30 years old. You know, I couldn't grow anymore in that, in that job. Uh, it was a paralegal. You had to be a lawyer to go further. I had no interest in being a lawyer of the work really didn't fit me. So, uh, so I was dead ended and I was bitter about that. And so I did some creative things in college with movies and films as fun things. And, um, so I entered some creative projects into where I worked for the government and some people wanted to buy it, so I thought, this is cool. I'm gonna get paid for something else besides what you learned from a manual. So, um, so yes, I, uh, decided to go to photography school. I went to that for a year at night, and then I joined a professional association and started studying under some the more successful people. And I started entering my work. And that's where life became difficult for me because I was, I had a wife at home with two kids, and I was working six 30 to three in the, in the afternoon at the, my day job. And then going to the studio from, from three 30 to 11 at night, seven days a week at working all weekends that I was never home. And so that was rough on the marriage cuz she was raising the kids herself. So I gave myself three years to build up the photography business and if I didn't, then I would either give one up or the other. So I decided I hated the job and I took the big chance, took one foot off of first and ran to second and quit a full-time job at photography. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>. And, uh, it was really rough the first three years because I was basically an unknown. And that's when I moved into that little, uh, I got my, well, I had the studio in the house, so that was not good because my wife was hiding the kids in the bedroom bedroom trying to keep'em quiet while I was trying to do photography itself. So that didn't go over well either. Mm. I'm sure. So I opened this little tiny studio, um, upstairs over a, uh, place that sold a pets, uh, and fish and it was called Tanks a lot,<laugh>. And uh, so I was on the second floor, I got a little neon sign and every day I, I, uh, dressed up in the three piece suit and we cooked carpet and we put beautiful, you know, wallpaper, that was the style back in the eighties. And, and, uh, dress dressed up very elegantly, even though it was an old beat up building mm-hmm.<affirmative>. And, uh, so my mentors taught me, um, you know, how to present myself professionally and how to, how to, uh, how to sell and know I had to learn all these things from nothing because I didn't have the background for it. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>. But I went for it. And, uh, you know, the first year was tough, second year was a little better. The third year started really breaking out. I did a ton of marketing. I mean, you know, this is this, this isn't a group of photography, so I won't bore you with a lot of the marketing things, but I basically, I built the brand and I had my, got my name all over Washington DC At one point I was in five different malls with galleries, so you couldn't miss me. Yeah. And I did, uh, uh, a lot of other kinds of marketing and just basically was killing it. I was killing it and I was doing, my work was good. So, so where'd I get the confidence from? Well, the confidence came from entering these print competitions against my peers. And on these print competitions where they judge you, they don't know who you are. So I was winning a lot of awards, uh, and I, you know, against really good people who are making a lot of money. And I felt like, well, if they're getting paid that dollar and I'm, my work is good as them, then I, I'm gonna charge it. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>. So that's kind of where, you know, one of the ways that you can find confidence, you know, confidence is just so important in everything, right. Including dating or whatever, you know, how you're, you're how you feel about yourself, right? Mm-hmm.<affirmative>, I mean, you can't, you can't, you know, I just, my prices were the top one 10% in the country. So, uh, anyway, I'll try to shorten this story a little bit. So it, I just kept going like this. And um, uh, at, at 50 I had my first million saying today I'm a five time millionaire. So I just over succeeded to keep from failing. So I was a kid from Jersey, a high school dropout. Today I'm independently, uh, financially independent. And um, so now I do a lot of educating and helping other people, but, um, that's kind of where I am today. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1: 14:25

<affirmative>. And, but it's all valuable stuff because I was lucky I was so young that I was able to just start young the way you did. So I kind of got a lot of attention around here because no one was doing what you were doing. Like you said, you were in the top percent, but I also watched you make the money and the millions that you did, and when everybody else was going to the bar or whatever, you would go back to your room and watch your money grow<laugh> and<laugh>. You know what I mean? That's how serious you were about making money because making money is freedom. And

Speaker 2: 15:04

Here's something, here's something I just wanna throw in there. When you, when you grow up with nothing Yep. And then you don't really know the difference. Right. And then when you get it, this insecurity of it being gone tomorrow kicks in and there's that fear that if you stop

Speaker 1: 15:22

Per minute,

Speaker 2: 15:22

You stop, stop going forward, it's all gonna go away. Satchel Page used to, he said, I read, he said, he said, oh, you know, always look ahead cuz you never know what's coming up behind you or something like that. So, you know, I think in, in life you can spend too much time and energy looking at everything that happened yesterday. You must always, you know, everything that you did, all your successes and everything really don't mean much for tomorrow. I mean, people like to hear about'em, but you know, that's over mm-hmm.<affirmative>, the past is over and the future nobody knows. So all you really have is now. So you've got to keep your eye on, you know, on, on where you are today and what you need to do to get where you want to go tomorrow. Yeah. And um, you know, and I think in relationships and things like that, it's kind of the same thing no matter what mistakes you made in the past or whatever. Yeah. You know, that's all behind you. You know, you, every day is a new day to, to make things the way you really want'em to be.

Speaker 1: 16:18

Well, this is what's interesting is that so much of my program, so much of the advice that I give people dating actually comes from something you taught me. And so I always wanted to be you. You know, I, I would never tire of going to your program because even though I could probably recite it, you always brought something new. And I always just would be like, I can't believe he just said this. This is, you know, the room would've erupt or you couldn't hear a pin drop. And, you know, you were a master at getting people's attention and you were a master of being memorable. And that's the things that I did to stand out on online, like was, is I memorable? And that's what you have to do because you can't be like everybody else because you will not stand out. And so one of the things I teach is, which is what you taught me. I take what you taught me, but then I spin it another way. So one of the things you always said to me was, you gotta be constantly pumping the well, and that's what you're talking about in your early days of photography, is that you went where the eyes were. You went to the mall, you didn't sit and wait for the phone to ring you, even though you were dressed very nicely. You would put duct tape on your hand and hold a very heavy print and walk up and down the mall passing out your cards to women with young children. And you go into the hairdressers and you went where women were and Right. You know, I always joke like I would go to the sub shops and there'd be builders there. You know, I'd go to Lowe's on the weekend and, you know, I mean, I just, but that's energy. That's like a, a wealth minded energy. And so I would swipe like it was my job and I had carpal tunnel and I would surround myself and keep building the empire that if someone fell through, okay, well you're lost. I'm out on a date with someone else. And, but that was the pumping the Well, people go to photographers that are busy, that they, like no one trusts and they know they're busy and, and we set the bar very high that people aren't really late<laugh> when they, when they hire us. Right. I mean, we're on time, but go

Speaker 2: 18:27

Ahead Carrie. Carrie, you have, you have a, a a talent and maybe you got from your father, I don't know, but you're a very, very resilient person. And resiliency is just such an important thing in life. And so this is where like having a mentor or somebody who you study with who's actually walked their talk and actually achieve something when you actually know someone or see it happen, that gives you a tremendous amount of education that you can't get from a book or a blog. I mean, when you actually see it. And then, and, and that combined with your resiliency, uh, you know, you're just, you're right, right, right now, you know, uh, uh, and you've accomplished so many things, but right now, you know, you're just reinventing yourself and, and look how many people you're helping with your experience from your resiliency. Like, you know, like I just told your story of my resiliency and, and how I wouldn't quit and how to get what I wanted and how you watch that mm-hmm.<affirmative> and how you do that. And now you've re you know, so that's just, uh, important for people to find somebody that they respected, who, who's has the game that they want to learn from. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>, I just think that's important,

Speaker 1: 19:47

Is important because successful people, right? If you want success, you, you find someone who's doing what you're doing faster and better, and then you become their shadow. And that's what I did with you where you didn't have a lot of time. So the time that you could give me, I didn't care what time. If it was five in the morning, I would, you know, get on a call with you or six o'clock in the morning. You're a busy person. You had a family, you had your time was, you didn't have a lot of it, you know, now you do. So that's kind of fun,<laugh> because it's fun to see you in clubhouse and it's fun to see you around and it's fun to see you helping all these people and what you've done with your life, not everyone has done. And it's really inspiring to people when they hear you talk and it's really, it really matters because we all need leaders today and we need mentors. And I was so grateful that I didn't have to pay like Tony Robbins. I had had my own Tony Robbins who was my photography mentor, who just knew every a, you know, you just knew it. Like you studied it, you studied any new component of photography that came out, you would just, I swear you'd sleep, like sitting up. Like you just, there's no, I mean, there wasn't anything you didn't study. And I feel like that's what I've been doing with the online dating where I wanna be. That's why I wanted to become a master so badly because, so in the photography world, you get this master and you wear on your neck like you're an Olympian, and then you get these bars that only the elite can, and you have so many, he, you had so many bars, you were like, Mr. T I used to say, but people, when you and you were so humble, you would like forget it and then your wife would have to send you your, your, your masters. And I'd be like, how did you even forget that? Like, but you would wear it and people would come from near and far to see you. And I was like, I want to get that so badly so that I, I would be that percent. And that was one of the greatest, I mean, you got your master sanity from Monty Tucker, and right before, right before Monty died, you came on stage and surprised me with Monty. And you know, you both were able to give him my master's, which was such an amazing moment in my life. And I'll always be grateful. I mean, I was lucky you said, when you search hard enough, a teacher will appear. And sure, I was searching for the information, but I was smart enough to know this person knows what they're doing and I'm gonna do, for the most part,<laugh> pretty much everything you tell me. Although you would definitely beg to differ on that, but

Speaker 2: 22:29

<laugh>, you're very, you're very independent minded<laugh>, you're like, you're like my kids, they argue and fight with me. And then at the end they went up doing it anyway. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>, but they fight me the whole time that I was trying to help them. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>, they were obstinate and now they're both like really successful. So I guess they were listening<laugh>. But yeah.

Speaker 1: 22:51

You still say that to me? Think<laugh> Go

Speaker 2: 22:54

Ahead. Yeah. But don't you think, don't you think that, and, and I'm not speaking about you or mean just in general, that when people, when people come from tough times and, and they get themselves to a place, you know, it may take them a year, it may take them a lifetime, but when they finally get to a place and they achieve whatever they achieve, and that might not be money, it might be success, it might be a better life or whatever. But don't you think at the end of the day, none of that you keep like mm-hmm.<affirmative>, like people, we get all what we die, our money all goes away. Everything goes away. So, so what you really have, what you really have is your life's experience. So it isn't the stuff that you gain mm-hmm.<affirmative>, it's the person you become while trying to gain that. In other words, the person you had to become to achieve that, that's what your life, that's really the, the money that mean, that's the juice of life. The, the growth, the potential to become something more than you were in the pursuit of your dreams because the stuff you get in the end goes away. But the person that you became mm-hmm.<affirmative> is, is really the, is what your life's experience is about. And so if you had never had the things that went wrong, if you've never had dreams and goals, you never would. You would've just sat on a, sat on a couch and wait and got old and died. And that's not really much of a life, is it?

Speaker 1: 24:26

No. No. I mean, I think about the people that I help now and how incredibly rewarding it is. You know, I go into the shot at love room on Saturdays and it's a beautiful summer day and people are like, why are you doing, you know, you spend two hours in this room. And I'm like, it's, it's seriously a lot of fun for me. It's so fun to shift people's thinking and to open up their minds and to see all this pain just lift from them. And I'm sure that's why it was so rewarding for you to teach because you'd have people like me that you changed their lives. And that's way more than you know, your fancy car or your fancy license plate that you have and all that<laugh><laugh>, although you do like your cars<laugh>,

Speaker 2: 25:11

Oh, guys' gotta have his toys, you know,

Speaker 1: 25:14

<laugh>,

Speaker 2: 25:15

That's how we are

Speaker 1: 25:17

<laugh>.

Speaker 2: 25:18

But, but seriously, I mean, look at, you know, I'm so excited about your course because look at the years of experience you've had, not just in photography, but in life and all the, and the resiliency and, and how you bounced off of such, you know, bad relationships and things and pulled yourself together. Those types of things people really, really need to, need, need to have. So I'm just really excited about that. You actually put all that together in a course. I mean, that's just like crazy valuable. Mm. Crazy valuable. I have to give you a lot of credit for, I mean, you must, you a person has to really care to do something like that. Well, I'm impressed with that.

Speaker 1: 25:57

Oh, thank, thank you. Well, we both lectured and I never thought I could build a lecture like you and you encouraged me to build a lecture like me<laugh>. And so, you know, that was one thing that I did, but did I think I could take it as far that I'm gonna be taking it? No, but,

Speaker 2: 26:14

But look, look how many people are you gonna help with that? See, we, you know, when you do things like this, you, you help a few people at a time. But when you make a piece of education material that people can sit down and absorb, you change them forever and they never forget that. Right. And you know what I'm saying? And that's why I think, you know, I did a course, I just did my own online course and, uh, when I was working I really didn't, didn't, didn't do that cuz I was busy working with clients. So I just would teach one at a time. But, you know, I put in the work and, and, and the courses helped so many, many people. So that's why I think you're gonna find out that, you know, that's gonna make a huge difference. It really

Speaker 1: 26:49

Is. Yeah. I mean, I knew what it would take. The podcast has been a marathon of a uphill climb and I knew that and I was willing to do what it took because it mattered to me helping people. It really mattered to me. And I've done big things before, so I had to make a lot of sacrifices and get up early and stay at the studio real late and Yeah,

Speaker 2: 27:15

It's hard, isn't

Speaker 1: 27:16

It? It's real hard. Yeah. I didn't even know, I mean, my parents are funny. They were like, oh, we knew you'd do it<laugh> like,<laugh> like, people who really know me, they're like, we knew you'd get it done. It wouldn't be pretty, it wouldn't be easy. But you, you'd do it<laugh> because you, you are, if you set your

Speaker 2: 27:33

Mind, that's your mo girl. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 27:34

That's your mo Yeah. Well,

Speaker 2: 27:35

Making stuff happen.

Speaker 1: 27:36

I don't know. I think we all have imposter syndrome<laugh>.

Speaker 2: 27:40

Well that's why, that's why you need to find things to have confidence in. That's, you know, that's, that's where the mentors and or I say winning awards are doing something like that because, you know, the genius is, is held down inside of people by the thoughts that they're not worthy. And none of it's true. I mean, we're all born with two arms, two legs in the brain. There isn't anybody that's issued any special things. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>, you know, it's all inside of people, but most people don't see it because they ha all the self-concept they grew up and all the people telling'em that they're never gonna do it. Never be anything, you know, it's the story of the, uh, you know, the story of the flea trainer, right. You know, the, the fleet trainer, he gets a bunch of fleas and he puts'em in the jar and he cuts holes in the jar so they can breathe. And what do the fleas do? They jump up and down, they keep hitting themselves on the lid mm-hmm.<affirmative>. And then after a while it's a matter of a, uh, it's a matter of fact of science that you take that lid off and they keep jumping, but they can't jump out because their head's been hit so many times, they don't think they can jump out. Right. And I'm a flea trainer. What I do is I teach people to jump outta the jar

Speaker 1: 28:44

<laugh>. Oh my God, I haven't heard that one in a long time. I almost forgot about it. But see that delivery, you know, you got everybody in the palm of your hand and then that's amazing. But that's true. So I, I

Speaker 2: 29:00

Would, you're jumping outta that jar.<laugh>,

Speaker 1: 29:02

I'm jumping out, I'm ready to jump.

Speaker 2: 29:04

Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 29:05

I'm ready to jump up way out. But that was not always the case. And so no, I was the one who was absolutely crippled from limiting beliefs. And it, and it had to do with personally, and it wasn't, you know, I get up and do my job and during these things. Right. I did some of my best work all the time.

Speaker 2: 29:26

Yeah. I don't think you, I don't think you had an imposter syndrome about your work. I think you've always knew that you did good and you know, your clients would rave about it. So that would always give you, I think when you get into relationships, it's, it's a little stickier. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>, because we put so much time into our work and everything, we don't really, there's, we don't really learn about relationships and like all that sort of stuff. That's, that's kind of like on the job training, right?<laugh>.

Speaker 1: 29:51

Yeah. Yeah. But it, but it's interesting because once you have living beliefs, it makes you stay in an unhappy situation. It makes you not join that dating app. It completely affects your love life. And back in the day, I truly believe that I couldn't, I couldn't navigate out of a, a relationship and I couldn't leave and I couldn't ever survive. And you really cracked the whip on me. And I mean, I joke that it was like a wilderness program and you like had to break me down to build me back up and<laugh>, you know, how tough you are. And I, I think yeah. If I wasn't so tough, you know, you were always very tough. Even today, I spoke to you for a little while and you were like, are you listening to me? And I'm like, I'm listening to you. You know, but I had to be able to, to to hear you and sometimes I didn't.

Speaker 3: 30:48

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Speaker 1: 31:25

The one thing you would never allow with me, and you call me on it real quick, is that you would never allow me to go or stay for long in victim mode. And I truly thought I was helpless, but in the end I wasn't as weak as I thought. And it takes good friends or mentors or family members to point out what you forget. Because when you get destroyed either financially from like a divorce, which happens to most, so two things, romances and finances, and if you get tripped up or, or derailed with one, that can change your life in a negative way. And I have both.

Speaker 2: 32:04

Yeah. Yeah. We all tend to, we, we build microcosms into our life and we, we, we tend to think what our life is, is, is the whole universe, you know, half the people. It's a fact that half the people in the world are, are men or women, 50% of the world. So you got 50% of the world there, you know, that of the opposite sex that you can choose from. And then the other thing is with money, you can lose all the money. You can lose all your money tomorrow. But guess what? There's an infinite amount of money in the world. And although you'll never get a, a day of your life back Right. Because they're in, or time because it's, it's, it's finite. You can lose all your money and get it back tomorrow if you figure it out how to do it. So there is the fear of holding onto money, which I had, as I told you, coming from my background is kind of, it's kind of, um, it's kind of a fake. And I will tell you why because there is no such thing as security. And I learned that, I learned that in the early nineties when I was, life was never been better for me. I was rolling, making money and then, and out of the blue, my 14 year old son is diagnosed with cancer. Yep. Well, all the money and the security that I thought I had went right down the drain when he had to go through all his operations and spend a year in the hospital. It was just the most horrible thing. I had to cry every morning and then photograph healthy children with mothers complaining about nonsense. So, and, and I had to keep it up and visit the hospital every night to show my son that I would, you know, that I was not giving up and that he shouldn't give up. And, and so, so tell me about security. There is no security. There is no anything can happen any time. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>. So life is now. So if you, if you give up your life in terms of fear about relationships or fear about money, it's, it's just life's little trick because there, there is no limit to money and there's half the people or your opposite sex and you just gotta get your head straight like you did to figure that out.

Speaker 1: 34:02

Yeah. I mean it wasn't an easy process, but, and, and you can see with Covid right now and everything that's happened to people and I think about you and what we would've done we're okay, you said, what I was doing was developing more content and doing all these different things. And I worked harder during the pandemic than I ever did in my life, but I knew that I was gonna get through it somehow. But all the money in the world isn't going to get you what you need to be it in a hospital. And we saw that it didn't matter. It's like cancer, you know, you say it doesn't discriminate. That was one of the things you always said. It can happen to anybody. And

Speaker 2: 34:44

Yeah. And that's, that's what you learned. That that when things like that happen to you that you, you realize you get your priorities change a lot. You know, the and the things that you thought were really important that you were afraid of really didn't really have any base. You know, you, you look at all the people that are have like, you know, crazy money and they're, they hate their lives. They're miserable because, you know, it isn't a really old, I mean, money is great. I'd rather have had it not had, I'd rather have it. So don't get me wrong, but, you know, you've got to have your head on straight to to to uh, to be able to get through life. You know, money is just like one part of it and you can't use that as a crutch to not get better. Right.

Speaker 1: 35:25

No, no. But, but it's hard to see the forest and the trees. It's hard. You can see my life very clearly. You can see that this, you know, that I was betting on a bad bet that, that this wasn't gonna pan out the way I thought it was gonna be. You could see the dumpster fire that I was living in and, but I couldn't look at it. I heard you, but Right. It was too big. And so, yeah. So for people who are struggling and you have friends like I had and Jeff who are trying to get you to the other side, some people just can't get there, you know? And it's, it's really hard for the people. It's really hard for the families, but it's a process and you get there when you get there and Right. You know, and that's exactly right. You know, and you used to say the thing, things that you would say to me, kb, do you know the definition of insanity? And you know, he used to say like, I would take my own foot and kick myself in the head. Like, you just say all those things over and over again and your famous line, what you resist persists. And I always hated that one cuz I knew that that was true because I knew that in photography. So that's where all these things that I use that you taught me that have now reframed to dating, and I'm sure it was super painful and frustrating for you to, to watch me do, you know, make these mistakes. And I told the story the other day of how I had to get to this rock bottom point where I kept pulling in more of the same online dating, my relationship had ended and I, I kept going from one three month relationship to another and this person that I was with was gonna go to spring training with me. And a few days before the shoot I was stuck and I needed help. And I was, so, you gotta think about my mindset now. I'm spending too much time on Tinder. I've gotta do this shoot. I think I have to do it alone. I've gotta get all my equipment down there. And I was juggling so many things that when I landed in Fort Myers, I realized I had that the money that I thought was in there hadn't transferred. And I sat texting you at a airport Chili's in Fort Myers and like the most humbling moment of my life crying into a platinum presidente saying, you better get down here cuz I'm in trouble and I have$80 on me and I'm stuck at an airport as a woman with all my equipment and I've gotta shoot in the morning. And you were like, I can only imagine that receiving that text cuz I, I'll never forget sending it how difficult that was for me, someone that I looked up to, someone who didn't quit on me. It was just beyond humbling. It profoundly changed my life. But it took me hitting that low of a point. You know, you didn't gimme a hard time, you let you, you encouraged me to just stay focused, do the shoot. I went in like a babyface assassin to do what I always did. And then as we were packing up the equipment, that's when you were like, okay, you know, shoot's done. We're gonna have a come to Jesus moment. And, and that's when you laid into me and that's when you, you said, you know, you think you're so smart looking at these superficial traits with your photography background, and this is about survival for you and you need a nice person and you're looking for the wrong things. And I'm telling you that it, the common denominator is you and I was like,<laugh>, I already felt bad. You know what I mean? I always was destroyed. But this is where I say it was like the wilderness program where you had to break me down even further to then bring me back up. And that's what you did do. And you said, you know, Carrie, end it with the victim and the woe is me. You've got a lot of things that most people don't have and build on what what you have and change your mindset. And if you change your mindset in your limiting beliefs, you'll change reality. And and that night that I landed in Boston is a night that I swiped right on my boyfriend and his brother both look nice<laugh>. And Oh, that was because we

Speaker 2: 39:35

Have both

Speaker 1: 39:36

<laugh><laugh>, I didn't wanna date both of'em, but, um, you know, that was when you said, when you go home, you're gonna go home and date Quasimoto and I don't care like what that person looks like because you're focused on the wrong things because Right. Yeah. You said like,

Speaker 2: 39:50

But you didn't know. You didn't know really what constituted the kind of person you need. You didn't, you, you thought that the things that you needed in a person weren't really the things you needed. And, and some of the things like looks and stuff like that, which are, they're very temporary, you know mm-hmm.<affirmative>. And so, you know, I'm not saying you, you should be with somebody, you could, you know, like looking at it's not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying you have to, you know, you have to go beyond the surface stuff and you have to realize that there are no perfect people and we're all flawed mm-hmm.<affirmative>. And that, you know, at some point you have to, if you want to get back, you have to give, you can't just take, and not all men can do that. Right. As you know. So you've, you needed to find that. And, and that's how relationships last is when people do things for other people without being asked and, you know, and, and then people do it back. So, you know, that doesn't, that looks, don't, don't, that's not part of all that feels physical stuff. And I think, you know, you, you've always been like a beautiful, attractive woman, but you never saw yourself that way. And as many times as I told you, you know, uh, you know, you were always worried about, you know, imaginary stuff. So that's what we all do. We make things up. Mm-hmm. You know, it's, you know, so you're, you're on all great paths now. And like I said, all these lessons you've learned are gonna be able, very valuable to people who are in your former path that don't know how to get through it. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>, those are all the people you can help. And you could not help those if you hadn't gone through what you went through. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. That's why I said earlier that in life, it's, it's not what you get, it's the person, you become one, you're getting what you get mm-hmm.

Speaker 1: 41:43

<affirmative>, right. Stuff. Yeah. And it just gave me the power to be like, I'm just gonna be honest about my story because if it helps one person Yeah. You know, I don't care. The more I did it, the more, I mean, my show's never been about me. It's about my listeners and, and helping other people. And, and the more you know, you spoke or the more you speak, you just have, you have a way of connecting with others and it's not about being perfect. And I think when you're younger, you think you have to be perfect. You have to, and you, and we're no one's perfect. Perfect. Doesn't exist. And so,

Speaker 2: 42:17

You know, Zig, Zig Ziegler says, if you get anything you want in life, help another enough other people get what they want. Yeah. And, and, and I think through you giving other people what they want, you're gonna wind up getting everything you want. And, and it may not just be in terms of money either in terms of a rewarding life where every day is just a holiday for you. Mm-hmm. Which is before instead of a torture sentence,<laugh>, you were living, living in, you lived, you lived actually, you lived three nightmares. So

Speaker 1: 42:48

<laugh> I know that,

Speaker 2: 42:50

I know what you went through.

Speaker 1: 42:51

Yeah. Well, you don't ask for these things. Just these things happen to you that profoundly changed your life. Just like you didn't ask to be, you know, spending all that time in the hospital with your son and all those things. But

Speaker 2: 43:05

Well, your listeners will never know how tortured you were, but I do

Speaker 1: 43:09

<laugh>. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 43:10

I don't think you could explain it.

Speaker 1: 43:12

I don't think you could explain it. I don't, I think I was spared, I really believe I was spared. I think a lot of people go through a tremendous amount of pain and they don't make it fun to the other side. And I had a guardian angel with you, and I have a lot of guardian angels. My mother would say, I have a team of guardian angels<laugh>.

Speaker 2: 43:32

Yes, you do. You have, you got a roster.

Speaker 1: 43:34

Really? I think my guardian angels drank on the job because they're very tired of my nonsense<laugh>.

Speaker 2: 43:42

I gotta have a good time for an angel. I can't just, you can't be an angel every minute. Right.<laugh>, especially from Boston

Speaker 1: 43:48

<laugh>. But I've, I've lived through it all and I think that's why I am effective in helping people because it's like, there's nothing that someone can say to me that I haven't lived through that date or that heartbreak or that most ridiculous story that no one could make up if you even tried and see,

Speaker 2: 44:10

There's, I don't think there's any, any mistake that you're in the, your podcast and now, like on a top 10 in, in the world in what you teach. I mean, who could, who's done that? Come on. Wow. That's, that's, that's un that's crazy. I mean that just, that's a testament to how much value that you actually are putting out there. Well that's, I mean, that's, you can't fake that. That's just the numbers. That's, that is what it is. You know, and you need to, you need to, to think about that because, you know, this is just the beginning. You can, you can just really, there's no limit to to where you're gonna go. And this time you don't have the chains from before. Right? Mm-hmm.<affirmative> mm-hmm.<affirmative>. So, you know, and just, just us having this conversation right now and people listening to it, you know? Yeah. Hopefully some people will be motivated. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I hope so.

Speaker 1: 44:59

Yeah, you hope so. I mean, if you can't motivate them, I mean, you<laugh>

Speaker 2: 45:03

<laugh>,

Speaker 1: 45:04

I said, you're, uh, Jane, well,

Speaker 2: 45:06

We came from the house of Payne, right?<laugh>.

Speaker 1: 45:08

Yeah. We did come from was of pain. I'm like, you're like the dad and meet the. Like, here's the trust tree<laugh>. And right now you're out of the, here's the circle of trust right now you're out of it. Kv<laugh><laugh>. You can't be trusted. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 45:26

I don't, I don't wanna pick Exactly. I don't want the ponder ring. Oh, always. Guess I gotta go on now. Oh God. Here we go again.<laugh>.

Speaker 1: 45:34

Oh my God. Well, that's why I started the podcast. We like, have we come like, like the sand and the hourglass. These are the days of our lives. He's, we have come full circle.

Speaker 2: 45:44

Yeah. I'm gonna be in a walker and I'm gonna get a punk off from you. I'll be drooling and I'm gonna remember your name and you'll be like, Jeff<laugh>

Speaker 1: 45:52

<laugh>. I always said, I'm like, Louis, I don't care if I have to push you around these trade shows in a wheelchair, I'll do it.

Speaker 2: 45:59

<laugh>. Yeah, I remember that.

Speaker 1: 46:00

<laugh>. Yeah. Oh, we, we've been friends a long time. Well, I'm gonna end this with some famous lubins. These are some of your greatest hits. And the first one has to do with traffic lights. Can you expand on this famous thing?

Speaker 2: 46:15

Okay. So, so there was always the question like, I, I need to do this, but I gotta wait for this to happen and that to happen. And I'm like, you know, sitting is for ducks. If, if, you know, if you wait some, when you, some lights are always red, some lights are green and some are orange. But if you wait in your driveway for all the lights to be green, you'll never leave because they never are all green at the same time. So if you wanna do something, you need to start now and, and learn your lessons and adjust as you go.

Speaker 1: 46:44

I love that. You know what, that's, that's great for someone who's just sitting on the sidelines, not sure if they should join an online dating site, you know, sitting is her ducks and

Speaker 2: 46:55

Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1: 46:57

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 46:58

Go do it. Yeah. You, you won't, you won't die. You'll learn something.

Speaker 1: 47:02

Right. And you might have some fun.

Speaker 2: 47:05

Well, yeah, I mean, you know, that's what life is, is that education. So you know, you know, if if something good happens, that's great, and if something bad happens, now you learn the next time what not to do. Right,

Speaker 1: 47:15

Right, right.

Speaker 2: 47:16

But you learn nothing if you do nothing.

Speaker 1: 47:18

That's so true. And so the next one is, if you think you can<laugh>,<laugh>, this

Speaker 2: 47:25

Is for you think you can't, you're right.

Speaker 1: 47:26

Right.

Speaker 2: 47:27

It's all a mindset. It is all, as we talked earlier about your self-concept. And, and, and, uh, if you think you can't, if you think you're not valuable, if you think no one will love you, guess what? You're right. You're gonna, you're gonna act and, and do things and make sure that happens. And the, the converse is true. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>, if you think you have value and you're lovable and you will attract other people to you mm-hmm.<affirmative> through that positivity mm-hmm.<affirmative>. So it's within your choice. It's a mi life is a lot of life is a mindset.

Speaker 1: 47:57

Mm-hmm.<affirmative>. And the other one is the one that you say, life is not short. Life is long.

Speaker 2: 48:04

Yeah. I'm, I I keep trying saying that

Speaker 1: 48:08

<laugh><laugh>

Speaker 2: 48:09

Life is long and it's never, and it is, it's never over until it's over. And so there's not many people my age that are coming on the clubhouse and embracing it. Right? Oh yeah. I'm usually the oldest ones in all the room, but I'm the one that they all wanna have on as a guest speaker<laugh>.

Speaker 1: 48:25

Oh yeah. You're the one who puts the mic drop, you know,<laugh>. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 48:29

So, so age is really not a determinant of, of those things. And that's what that means that life is long, is that you, you know, as long as you're breathing, you, you know, you have value to somebody and to yourself and to the people who care about you. Mm-hmm. So yeah.

Speaker 1: 48:42

I've got a few more, but I don't have to say'em a few yet. Okay.<laugh> No, go ahead. You know, many lumins I have in my lifetime,<laugh>, uh, one thing is excellent for online dating. You're never gonna be all things to all people. You say that you don't know how often you say that, or you've said that to me in my

Speaker 2: 49:01

Lifetime. Well, I think that's kind of self-explanatory. That, that we, we, we think that we, we have to act like we're somebody that we're not around other people. So they view us perfectly. And then, you know, what happens after time when we become human, then, then all that kind of falls apart. So it's best to be authentic and be gen and, and be who you are as much as you try to be your best self, but be yourself. And you know, it's gonna come out sooner or later. So you should have conversations about what's really, you know, what's really true for you. And, and people will, will, will be attracted to that because they will trust you more. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1: 49:41

<affirmative>. Yeah. No, and the other thing that you taught me is never over, never oversell and you're a master at selling. And so I have so many ideas every day that I would tell you, and you would always say, kb, don't tell me. Show me. And I think this is a great one for people dating, to not be pitching yourself as this prize or telling people all the accolades and all the things you've done. Listen and ask them about them, I think. Right? Yeah. You taught me that in

Speaker 2: 50:11

My, what's the radio station? Everybody's playing w i i f m, what's in it for me? Right. So you<laugh> that's what people are interested in, and if you show interest in them, they will buy as a byproduct, become interested in you. Yeah. But if you sit there and you, it's all me, me, I, I, it's like, get me outta here. Yeah. You know, and so, yeah. You know, and not only vain interests get interested. I mean, if you, if you're with somebody and you're not interested with some of that person, that's a sign right there. That's probably the wrong, not gonna be the right person to be with. So ask questions. Yeah. And, and, and you'll find people that have a lot of interesting things to share. And, and that person may be so happy being with a person that's interested in them. They'll be interested in you. Yeah. So that's the way it works. And that's, and that's true in all relationships, you know? Yeah. And, and it's sometimes it's not easy. It's not easy. No. It's not easy. It doesn't always happen at the moment you want, you know, it's sort of like, it's sort of like a goal or something that you're achieving it, you know, you might put it out in the universe, but it doesn't always happen at the moment. You want it to happen. It usually happens in its own time. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>. And it's the same thing, you know, with relationships. It's not gonna happen in like the first 10 minutes. You have a date with someone, you know? Mm-hmm.<affirmative> takes time to get some depth to it. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1: 51:29

<affirmative>, you know, if it doesn't work out when life gives you lemons, make lemonade, you're amazing. And I didn't realize how much stuff I've stolen from you over the years.<laugh>, I didn't realize how much stuff I've stolen from you and helping people on one date.

Speaker 2: 51:49

You're a th on top of it.

Speaker 1: 51:51

<laugh>.

Speaker 2: 51:54

No, you're great. Love

Speaker 1: 51:55

It. Well, it's for the, it's for the overall goal of helping others and, and you can't help but that you have all these gems and I'm so glad that my search, you know, when I was searching learn and hard enough, a teacher appeared and you were that teacher. And I appreciate you so much for being there in my darkest hour. And you always joke and say, kv, it's time to kill Buddha in the path. But<laugh>, yeah. I'm always gonna need you. And thank you so much for encouraging all of us to keep going. N not to quit, don't give up. Be persistent and relentless because success is earned.

Speaker 2: 52:33

So this has been great, Carrie. Thank you so much. I, we hoping that you get some good response and people enjoy

Speaker 1: 52:39

It. So Jeff, where can people find out more about you, include your Facebook group, et cetera?

Speaker 2: 52:44

Well, yes. The Facebook group is Jeff Lu's tip of the day on Facebook. I have another few sites on Facebook, the philosophy of photography, that sort of thing. And uh, you know, I'm actually now starting to do non photography rooms. Uh, and I have one, uh, I'm going to be, um, doing, well, it was announce, but I had to move it. So, uh, I'm doing one on, um, going from zero to a million dollars and what it took, took to get there. So that's with isis. She's a, a master moderator on, um, on, uh, clubhouse. Clubhouse. So if you follow her, you'll pick up some of my rooms. So that's gonna be a more generalized audience. I'm trying to expand my, my teachings to people beyond photography like this. Mm-hmm.<affirmative> and, uh, and I want to see if I can make a difference or if there's some, there's something there because that's, that's what I do now, so.

Speaker 1: 53:41

Yeah. Well

Speaker 2: 53:42

You, so we'll see.

Speaker 1: 53:43

Oh yeah, I mean, who knows. I'd love to have you this Saturday and, and talk about all these methods of success and business and love because they're, it's the same type of energy money.

Speaker 2: 53:53

Well, it works. I mean, there was a hundred people in the room, so Yeah. And I, I had, I had a, I have a little, uh, download on how to make million dollars in if you guys want that. Um, you can DM me on Instagram. I'll send you a free oh PDF that I wrote. Um, I should go send it to you too, maybe. Okay. Because I just did, I just created it. But, um, you know, you gotta have something on Clubhouse, right. So to give away. So, um, that's great. So that's kind of what, what what I'm doing. Yeah. I'm looking forward to being with you. The people here will be and, and hearing us,

Speaker 1: 54:26

So yeah, it'll be fun. It'd be like our old dog and pony show that we used to do back<laugh>. It'd be the old dog and<laugh>.

Speaker 2: 54:32

No, no more about old

Speaker 1: 54:33

Dogs. Right.<laugh><laugh>. Well, you did, you did say you were a flea master or whatever.

Speaker 2: 54:38

Yeah, I to call the mirror like the golden, the mirrors down at my house. I don't know all the, um,

Speaker 1: 54:42

What is, what is this saying? If you lay down with fleas or whatever the thing is,

Speaker 2: 54:46

I don't know. That's not one of mine.

Speaker 1: 54:49

<laugh><laugh>. Awesome. Well thanks so much Jeff, and we'll see you, see you this week on the Clubhouse,<laugh>. All thanks for your time. Okay. Bye. In honor of today's guest master photographer, Jeff Lubin, these dating tips are inspired by him. Number one, dating is all in your mindset. If you think you can or you think you can't, guess what? You're right. Number two, don't wait to join these dating apps or wait until you're in the perfect shape or have that perfect job or move to that right location. Life is happening now. Sometimes you have to pull out when the light is yellow because if you wait for the light to turn green, you'll miss your whole life. Number three, if you feel continuously stuck and keep repeating things that don't serve you, remember the definition of insanity and what you resist persists. Number four, holding on to anger is like swallowing, poison, and hoping the other person will die. Let go of regret cuz all it does is weigh you down, forgive yourself, and then you'll be free to start and begin the next chapter.

Speaker 4: 56:06

Hope

Speaker 1: 56:07

You found some of my tips helpful this week. This is what Shot at Love is here for, to help you find love, keep up the commitment to yourself and commit to helping someone else by sharing this podcast. And if you like this show, please subscribe and write a five star review. I'm Carrie Brett, and we'll see you next time.