Dating And Isolation

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I'm Kerry Brett and you're listening to Shot@ Love, the first motivational podcast around online dating, Isn't it time you took a shot at love? Took a shot on yourself? Believe you're worthy of true love? Is there a more effective way to date? Can you find love? Hell, yeah! And I'm gonna show you how it's done. Today, I'm going to share some of my helpful insights and bring you a little hope during these difficult times. Hey all you cool cats and kittens, obviously I have been binging on Tiger King because I can't even bear to watch the news. It's been so upsetting. I know these are difficult times and I hope you're also home safe. This pandemic has changed so many things, especially the world of online dating. I actually heard on the news the other night that it's common for people to look for love when they feel hopeless. That it's actually the most common thing people tend to do is to reach out for love and human connection. Also in the news the other night, they talked about social distancing and virtual dating and how people felt they took it for granted that they could actually go on a date, and now they can't. I started to think, man, things were really bad if they are wishing to go on all these bad dates that I went on. They also mentioned on the news that Tinder's conversation time, the time that people are text messaging has spiked 25% during this pandemic. I definitely think people should be working the hell out of these apps during this time. Ladies, we finally have men's attention! Also on the recent 60 minutes they interviewed Renee Brown, and featured her new podcast because her new podcast shot up to the top right away, even ahead of Joe Rogan. And she's a shame researcher who specializes in vulnerability. Man, these are vulnerable times, scary times and people are desperately looking for love, as well as hope. So I created this podcast to help others in the dating world and joining online. Dating brings up a ton of self doubt and vulnerability. I'm well aware what it feels like to be vulnerable while dating. I once went on a date with a dance instructor while convincing myself he was Bradley Cooper from Silver Lining Playbook. Sometimes online communications can be so frustrating or make us feel hurt. We all deal with issues like stonewalling, gas, lighting or ghosting, and then our needs aren't met and we stay silent because we don't want to rock the boat, and then our self worth slips. If something's bothering you, do you tend to speak up or are you too afraid to stick up for yourself? The good news is, the more experience we gained, the better version of ourselves we become, I know I've changed, and this time we're not gonna accept something less than we deserve. So before we turn these feelings back on ourselves before we decide when things aren't working out or say I'm done with online dating, we may not be aware of some of the mistakes that we make in our communication. But I thought to myself, What's the point of learning how to master texting these fools? We don't even know who we're dealing with. So today I want to discuss who are these players? We need to know who the hell we're dealing with online. I saw the same patterns in the same moves over and over again from the same playbook.  As a  photographer you make good portraits if you know your subject. My dad always used to say you can't make good photographs unless you know your subject. You know who you're capturing. Do you know that sport  if you're shooting a game, you have to know who you're dealing with. I started studying  people's patterns, well have studied people's patterns my entire life. Being a photographer, I knew I needed to do the same online that I need to break it down visually on Tinder. So today, I'm going to share with you my Listagram of Men online. But first, I'm gonna tell you the story how I created this in the first place. So I started this Swiping Soiree a few years ago, and one of the first things I did was take screenshots about of about 800 to 1000 men on Tinder.  I printed them up on these giant rolls of paper and I hung them all over my home and studio and I labeled them with sharpies and post its and it's a work of art, honestly. And then to top that off, I printed out every single text message I ever put out on Tinder. And I created this road map of the mistakes that I made, how many times I fell down, how many times I was fell into that trap and I saw all the different men that I'm going to share with you today. So I thought, You know, we're all stuck inside. It's a difficult time, but let's use this time wisely and let's create a dating boot camp. So when we finally can get back out, there actually can go into society you would have some useful information from my Swiping Soiree. So when we come back, I'm gonna share with you my Top Listagram of Men. Today, I present my Top Listagram of types of men. The Narcissist. Three words Run, Run, Forrest Gump, Run! This is the classic alfa controller. All you'll do with this type is live one twisted tale of the Princess and the Frog. I have a client of mine who I've been helping, and she sent me a message and she said she had this narcissistic ex trying to come back into her life, using the pandemic to check in to see how she's doing? And I just said to her, whatever you do, don't open that door. It has to stay closed and you will not have a life until he's gone out of your field. These guys are so dangerous. That's why I put him is number one. The next one is a  The Attention Getter, the attention getter is always looking to fill his attention tip jar, which will never be full. Loves to be a pen pal because constant writing equals constant attention. These guys have all the time in the world. They live to pass time writing foolishness. This guy is the ultimate time suck. So I have a actual text message from a attention getter who got very angry that I didn't give him attention right out of the gate. He wrote me on holiday so I didn't respond to his first text. But the next day he sent me a text.  This was the follow up text 24 hours later. Hello, Kerry. No response? You either a swiped right because you're aboard. B) Are waiting for me to say something incredibly funny or romantic. C) Are waiting for me to ask you out or D) Lost your phone. I don't mind which, but I do mind having my time wasted. If you aren't interested in meeting me, get off the pot and let me know.  My response. Hi, Ben. I hope I'm the last girl that you send something like this to. It's a holiday weekend, people travel to see their families. I work full time and I'm a single mother. Lots of girls aren't on Tinder every day. I understand your frustrations with Tinder. I have the same feelings that you do.. But you can't generalize to make assumptions about people you don't know. Sending insulting messages won't get you very far either.  In your bio, you write up about yourself and say you have a relaxed attitude towards life and no agenda. You may want to rethink that. Online dating requires a lot of patience and understanding. Telling someone to get off the pot and let you know is a threat. I can't speak for other girls, but I myself don't respond to terrorists. The Failure to Launch Guy this one stays in shape running from commitment. It's not complicated, Brad. You're just a commitment phobe, He's the forever bachelor. Be prepared to hear the line I thought it was ready but realized I'm not. Do not cry one tear over him. The Looking for a Long Distance Relationship Guy. This guy gets a thrill from having a long distance relationship. They create fiction instead of real life. They love, romance, danger and deception. A similar profile  are women who date men in prison who are never getting out. The Short Guy. The short guy who lies about his height. Napoleon complex, overly sensitive. if his height is brought up, most likely quick to call you an Amazon or say you're probably heavier than your pictures. He will also be the first guy to ask you to take selfies of your body. Keep in mind, that 58% of Fortune 500 CEOs are between 5’8and 5 ’10 so don't get hung up on height. Fixating on that too much was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made that Marty McFly guy could be a keeper. The Non Committal Forever Guy, like you're 60 and you're on Tinder and you've never been married and you'll never commit ever. Do not be the star of their repeated one act play The I'm Gay But Can’t Admit It, may never  admit it, but his ex wife knows the truth. The Emotionally Unstable, typically in multiple crisis situations, he's looking for someone to do wellness checks on him, manipulative, quick to lash out. The constant victim will blame you for why he's having a bad day. My sister actually went on a date with an an emotionally unstable guy, and the next day he threatened to kill himself and my sister had to get the police involved and paramedics. And even though she wasn't going to go on a date with him a second time, she ended up being forced into a wellness check situation. So there are guys out there that are just constantly in crisis and emotionally unstable, and I think at this point, our life we're all done with science projects. The 50 Shades Guy Christian Grey is only on line to reenact Eyes Wide Shut or 9.5 weeks. The Out of Towner. I live in Wisconsin, but maybe you can come visit. Sometimes I come to Boston for work guy guy, You had me once, but I never fell into that trap again. I was new to Tinder, and I didn't think to look at the distance apart. I was just excited that I was talking to a guy named Patrick who is a dentist, and that was one week of time texting some out of towner that I can never get back in my life. So pay attention to the miles apart. The Great Romancer. Be very wary of the man who wants to marry on top of a mountain right away, or tell you that they're checking out real estate listings to buy you two a home after knowing you for a few weeks. These people like the idea of romance, but not the reality of relationships. And the bubble always bursts. The See How it Goes, Guy, this guy is like Norm from cheers. It can be very difficult dealing with this type because they have nothing to lose and usually nothing to give meaning for you there's no gain. The Instant Swipe Right Guy, like in a split second certifiable babe guy could be a professional model, or is this one too good to be true? I beg you to swipe right and wait. He'll write you! What else is he doing? He's online dating like like all of us. Warning. We all get tripped up the most here. Yes, he looks a Christian Bale, but he's also online, so his life isn't perfect, and neither is any of ours–single or not. The Mama’s Boy. This guy is one of the trickiest ones to identify right out of the gate. The mama's boy, usually on Lee, has photographs of him with his mom. I always found this interesting. Really, Your only friend or person in your life is your mom, I would say, Stay away from this Eddie Haskell. Type a little to edit his Rex for me. So why I say the mama's boy is hard to find or spot immediately. It's because they use family. They talk about how much they want a family love. Their mom loved their family as a way to hide or mask the fact that you're gonna end up in a relationship with him, his mom and yourself. Think Barb and Pilot Pete from the bachelor. Pete, you got to cut the cord. The Scot named for my guy. This one's important to talk about. Scott is a nice guy who actually wants a relationship in the worst way. He's an honorable man who treats his girl like a princess. He's the M V P, who often gets overlooked in a sea of assholes because he doesn't make a good first impression. He, like us, need some strategy and needs how to present online better. So don't be so quick to swipe left. Give more guys a chance. Men fall in love with looks and women fall in love with thoughtful gestures and feedback. The reason why I went out with my boyfriend Scott, is because I loved the way he talked to me. I loved receiving his texts. I love the fact that I was a priority, and still to this day he checks in multiple times because he cares. That's what love looks like. And that's we all deserve. The hook up guy, the guy who lies just to get you into bed. I think a few rotten apples give men and online dating a bad name. In my experience, there are far fewer of them online than you think. In fact, I went on lots of dates. And I never, despite the misperception that tender is a hookup site, found one of them who's really hooking up When you're 45 50 or 60 I can see it for 20. And you don't have a family, a reputation in a career to protect its up to you, to screen them and not to sleep with someone on the first date, even if he does look like Giovanni ever BC because when the morning comes, you realize you just had sex with sneaky Pete, the open relationship guy. I can't even this guy I have no words for You're in an open relationship. Yeah, right. I don't believe you, Joe. Exotic. Sorry I had to throw in another 10 Tiger King reference since I just lost the entire weekend binge watching them the married guy who's never done this before. Yes, you have. And he's not gonna leave his wife. They never D'oh! These men are online, so they don't have to pay for Ashley Madison. The creep this type usually shows his hand immediately. So there really isn't anything to fear. Honestly, I think it came across maybe one or two. So fear is gonna hold you back online. It straight up is the breeding ground for holding you back. I just I didn't write this list to our alarm you or to get you down that this is what tinder is all about. I created this list of a form of protection so that you can rethink some of the guys that you're texting and always remember to hold your value and hold your power. And don't give it away. So there's my list. A gram. I hope you found this was helpful. And I hope this list helps you as much as it helped me. L for this week's tender tips. Hey, listeners, I include thes tender tips in every episode and I want you to run online dating like a job A profession in your goal in your business and your personal franchise is to find love as fast as possible. We all want love sooner rather than later. So each week I prepare these tips so that you can get what you want. So now let's get right into them. Number one men should always pursue first repeat with me. The chase is on. There were two don't show too much interest. Especially if you're crazy about him. Repeat, we can take him or leave him. Number three. Be a challenge. Men are easily bored and want what they can't have. Let's be really you guys. Some of these guys were idiots. Just be hard to get. Repeat hard to get number four. If you want to be successful, don't be easily accessible. Repeat thrill of the chase number five Keep him guessing. Spread out the time frame of one. You tax back. Repeat. I put the I in intrigue number six Be the 1st 1 to bow out of the text Communication. Always repeat the Irish exit number seven. Don't agree to a last minute day. You want a man who puts a lot of thought and plans a great date Night. Repeat. Never jump in. Right. So that's this week's tender tips. I hope my listeners find it helpful. This is what Shot@Love is here for to help you find love. I'm always here to help you ––– And remember,  To stay safe and Stay tuned for more episodes. F ollow on Instagram shot at love podcast. I'm Kerry Brett. We'll see you next time