How 20 Seconds Of Courage Can Change Your Life With Empowerment Coach Sid McNairy

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Carrie Brett, and this is shot at love. Today's guest is best-selling author and life empowerment, coach Sid McNary. And this week's episode, Sid will share his powerful and positive advice to help give us a jumpstart into our own personal transformation. He will talk about his new book. Those who know God, a book that will change your life and your reality in a time of uncertainty, he will also encourage us to find love within ourselves. So you can find love with someone else you won't want to miss it. State

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Is a man of deep faith in spiritual beliefs. A man who's been through it. He's not only rebuilt his life once, but three times he was divorced twice and survived another long-term relationship before he made some transformative changes within himself. That led him on a path to find love with his wife. Liz Sid McNary is the founder of Nike wellness. He's the best-selling author of multiple books. His latest, those who know God, which recently launched on 11, 11, 20, Sid is a life empowerment coach leader and meditation, youth instructor, motivational speaker, and giver of the sacred medicine spirit said went from being a former collegiate football coach to initiating a peace across America tour, which he and his wife traveled 31,000 miles, helping others reach their highest potential today will be a game changer because Sid has a way of shifting your energy thinking and your life. How do I know this? Because Sid changed mine now without further ado, I welcome. My friend said McNary and now you warriors in the house.

It's so good to be here. Yeah. This is

Surreal where I was in yoga class with you saying I have this idea of how to help people find love. And here we are now both have podcasts. So that's kind of fun. We're just leveling up every day.

You got it. You got it. Thanks for having me.

Oh yeah. It's such an honor to have you here today. So before we start talking about your latest venture, your new book, I want to share the story with my listeners of how we met, because it's a pretty funny story. So I never, in my life thought I would do hot yoga once, even as an experiment and my friend Maggie, who designed Krigsman yoga studio in Hingham, downtown Hingham asked a favor of me and she said, would you go and photograph this yoga, this new yoga place for an ad. And I was like, okay, really good friends with Maggie. And she's like the owner, Amanda is someone that you would just do anything for. And I was like, okay, it was raining. And I went there and the sky was kind of dramatic. And I took the photograph for the ad across the street. I never even stepped foot into the place. It just shows how closed off I was. And I just poked my head in and there was this modern monk, you in the corner. And I said, I'm all set. I have what I need for the magazine. And you're like, okay, I'll see you tonight for my class. And I was like, no, you won't. Like, I was like, who is this guy? And I just left it. I was so mad. I'm like, why would he just assume I would come back to his class? So that led to a panic attack in a Lowe's parking lot where I called Maggie. And I said, this guy is like out of the movies. I don't know what to even make about this. And she was dying, laughing. And she said, you have to go to his class, just show up. He's challenged you. And you've got to go. So I went and what I say, if I could have crawled out of there 10 minutes in, I would have. And there's those who know God and those who pray to God to get out of your class, Because you are so hard as an instructor, but you definitely raise the bar. And, um, I remember when I, I mean, I was purple and just, just having such a hard time. And I came to you after class. And I was like, I hope we never crossed paths again. But, um, I made it through and you said you didn't quit. And that just shows your character, that you stuck it out. And I was like, huh, that was interesting. But what do you, what do you think it was like, when, tell me what you thought of me when you met me.

Well, one, I knew, I knew instantly when you walked in the door that you had something to you that was like, all right, I'll step up. When I meet someone that I feel that energy from denied, then I raised the bar. And that's why I think after the first class a lot, I think I said, I'll see you tomorrow.

And it was like, I didn't sleep the whole night. I was just, my whole life had changed from this one class. And I was someone who had repetitive stress on my back for so many years that I couldn't even do a forward fold and to go and be in the front and be the worst in the class. I learned an awful lot about a lot of things that it was like, you don't have to be great. You just have to get moving. And that's really what I'm trying to impress upon people with this show is that you learn dating by dating and you're going to have some hits and some misses, but get in the game. And yeah, so it was like the second or third class when that was when I could really see who you were as a person. And I think I came up to you and I something like, has anyone captured your soul or something like that?

Yeah, you sure did.

And you're like, all right, we are friends. We don't know how this has come to be, but I think we share the same energy of possibility. And I know myself was, I was always on a path to transformation and you remind others that everything is possible. And I believe that too. And you can't bring in when you can imagine, and you can't get what you don't ask for it. And I think that's like the common thread with the two of us. Don't you think?

Oh, definitely. I mean, it's like in the book where I talk about, um, making sure you have your team, you know, and people that are like-minded and like energy and can move forward with you. And I honor you for being that person that recognizes me for me and or one of those people and, and being part of my team team means a lot to me, you know, being a football coach. And so being part of your team, I take a lot of pride in it. So it's pretty awesome.

That's so nice. But I think now more than ever, we are living in such a world that if we don't help support each other and raise each other up, what else are we doing here on this earth? I mean, I really feel so strongly about what you, your life mission to push people to their highest potential. And I thought you would be an excellent guest today. So you launched this new book and you set out to write those who know God and 30 days, but you wrote it in 21 days show up,

Right? Yeah.

You felt that you didn't write this book that God did. And I had mentioned that you told me that to our friend, Jill Jardeen, who's a psychic healer. And I said, you know, Sid felt that God literally wrote this book for him. And she said, someone likes said is so tapped in that. I believe that. And I believe that too. And we're living in a world with such chaos and uncertainty and fear of what inspired you to write a book that was just the opposite.

Well, I just got on the other side of that, right? Like I was in a place where fear was so prevalent in my body that it had gotten to a point that there were times that I couldn't walk times that I couldn't move my arms, use my abs, turn my head. And so I knew that I had no choice either to get on the other side or to die. And so that was, that was what got me there. And so when, when we got to this place, uh, when we left in 2019 and hit the road, my wife and I traveled 31,000 miles that I knew, then we were getting on the other side. So when everybody got into the pandemic, we had already been on the road, had already that space. And so I was already on the other side. So then it was like, okay, now, now, now I see why God put me through that so that I could be on the other side and write a book that could allow everybody else to actually pick up the ball. They can get on the other side pretty quickly too, and we can move on from it.

Right. So you had let go of all your personal belongings and you just had a backpack, a couple backpacks, you and your wife, Liz. And so, you know, you had, you could just figure out it didn't, you didn't have anything to lose, I suppose, because you had, what matter do you had your wife? And, um, I was proud of you when you decided to do that. And I don't know, would you call it like an Airstream and what would you call that? The NA warrior?

Well, it was our trailer and then our SUV. Cause you know, we, we had done a lot of research and it was nice to be able to disconnect the trailer and just drive around in a regular car from when we got to the city or a destination. And so, uh, you know, at one point I think we even left it in Florida for like four months and just used our car and would come back and forth whenever we pass it, we just switch backpacks and keep going.

And, and you do what you say you're going to do, you know, you said to Carrie, I'm going to take, take this piece of cross America tour. We're going to do this. And then, you know, a few months later I show up for hot yoga and there's the, uh, the, now he wore a trailer and it was just like, this guy is just for real, like, I love this. This is so inspiring. And so, you know, you were already on a path to something else before the pandemic. And you know, I think as a small business owner that you are as well as I, these are scary times, but you have faith and you know how to pivot. And the bottom has fallen out of your life a hundred different ways and you somehow rebuild and you know how to look fear in the face and you'd guide others to the other side. And I think that's really great. I want to talk about your introduction. And I think this is important for people in transition or single people you say, watch your hesitations as they will become your action, the actions you take over time, create your character and your character attracts your reality. Can you expand that?

Yeah, it really started for me when, uh, when I was coaching. And then, you know, when I coach in a yoga room and I see people hesitate, like go to Crow pose and they hesitate, they take a deep squat, they put their hands down. By the time they get in the posture, we've already moved on to another posture, right? And that's the same thing that happens a lot in life and in sports. And so that hesitation begins to set up your actions. If you're somebody who just gets right into it, you have an opportunity to correct. If you miss, you have time to do those things. And so that becomes the action. Uh, the hesitation triggers the action and then the action that we take, if we do it over and over and over again, it becomes the character. It defines us. So if we're hesitating, we become lazy. If we, if we hesitate all the time, we stop moving. And so if we're the same thing would be said, if, if I'm moving in a way that's proactive or engaged, then all of a sudden I'm moving in that way. And so that's how it starts to become your character. And then the reality just happens because everybody sees your character and assumes you're going to be that way all the time. And if we were to take it into dating, it's like the person that walks in and is nervous. There's a, there's a movie. I think it's called the zookeeper. And he talks to his kids and he's like, you know, it takes 20 seconds occurred. And he had 20 seconds of courage because he was telling them how he met their mom that had passed away. And he said, you just need 20 seconds of courage to walk into the room and say something and see what happens. And then from that moment on, he had his wife and got his kids and became the zookeeper and all those things. And so that's what I see. And so when I think of it, you know, with this show, it's like, okay, if you're hesitating to get engaged, not literally engaged, like put a ring on the finger, but to get involved with asking someone to go out on a date, you seem like somebody who's not even caring. And that becomes a reality and people pull away from you and you may be the most caring person on the planet. But if you hesitate all the time, no one would ever know that. Right. So that's kind of how it shows up.

Right? And so I always say to people, if you cancel a date, good luck with getting a second one, because it's the ebb and flow of the energy. It's like, you're pumping the while you're pumping the well. And if you go on dates, you'll get more admire, showing up and asking you also on dates. And so it's that inaction. I mean, I had to rupture disc and I was in a neck brace for three months. And you were like, the way to heal yourself is to go down into hot yoga with a neck brace on and do a forward fold, or raise your arms over your, just do small, actionable steps. And so I did that. I went down and did hot yoga and a neck brace, but you were right because to stay stiff and to stay still and not start, you know, I was terrible at it, but at least I was on my way. And you talk about in your book, the programs running, let's talk about the programs that are running and you, and you say these programs that running is what holds you back and in your book, I like what you say, you said is the program stopping you or you stopping yourself. So why is it important to get clear or dismantle these programs running?

Right? Well, the programs are running from moments that take place in our life. And those moments are dictated by this feeling of we need to survive, or we are losing love. And at some point, especially Roman younger in the formative years from zero to 10. And so that, that becomes the program. There's, there's one thing that happens from zero to 10. Like some people don't have language for the things that, that happened to them. Cause they may have happened in the birthing process, right? Like mom was feeling stress or it was a hard pregnancy or, or whatever that may be. And so then all of a sudden the energy's there and we don't even have words for it. So then when we get older, we can't even put words to the reasons why we get off. Like, I don't know, just all of a sudden I just got so mad. I just couldn't even think anymore. And it's like, okay, that's because of a program running in your mind that that is relating to something in your life. So then as we get further down the road, we create what I call echo programs. And they're the echo of what we haven't yet learned from the original program. And so we have, when the echo programs are strong, we have to go back through each program that shows up until we realized that there truly is no program left. And that takes time. You know, it, it can take time. It can be immediately if you really accept and have faith and dial in and that way. And so what it shows up for, you know, as we move forward is is that when we come into these relationships, which life is a series of relationships, you know, you have a relationship with the male person, you have a relationship with the checkout clerk, dentist store, and then series of relationships. Now your program is I can't stand. I don't know. We'll just say, we'll say men because I'm a man. So we'll just go with that. I can't stand men every time you run into a man that, that reflects that program of what happened. You won't be able to stand them. And yet that may be the person that actually could save your life. And, but yet you can't see it because it's like, you're still running in these programs that are ruling your kingdom. And it's so important to get those clear,

Right? I really, since I read this book, I've really started to think about this. That like thoughts are things and your energy is while you're manifesting. And, and I never really heard this, this program's running and I loved what you wrote in your book. And I think this is great dating advice for someone you say, you get to choose how it's going to be. It can be hard or it can be easy. There's no hard unless you choose to create the program to fit the words. It is hard. And I love this because all I hear from people dating is especially now with the pandemic, like, how am I supposed to date in the pandemic? Well, I think it's a great time to date, but people say it's so hard or I have zero interest in dating. And I used to tell myself, and I was dating that dating is easy and fun and I can meet people easily and freely. And I just would kind of brainwash myself because I knew it was challenging. And I didn't know when I would find love. But I think, you know, you talk about this critical process of studying you or hearing you the words you're saying, can you talk about this?

Yeah. Well, I'll start with the concept of hard, cause it is just that the concept, it's not real, like I'm standing on a bamboo floor. It's hard until my guitar or some piece of metal slams on it and it cracks. Right. It's all relative. So it's just the concept of heart. And so when I sit there and think of the idea of my wife and I spending a year in a car and that tight quarters and having gone through relationships before I could sit there and say, Oh, that's going to be hard. And yet we chose for it to be easy on a daily basis, sometimes on an hourly basis, you know, like we're going to be in this car next to each other. We get to choose how this is going to look. And so fortunately for us, like we were not that everyone should sell their stuff and hit the road when they first get married, but we were recently married. So it was like, okay, now we're going. We were actually about a year, a little over a year from when we had gotten married. So now we're going to step into a car and lived side by side for a year. And we now have such an easy space of our relationship after being in what was, what we could have considered hard. And now it's like, ah, we're now we're in our two bedroom condo. And it's like, wow, we have so much space. It's almost like we don't, it's almost like we don't see each other if we were in this huge mansion. Right. Because we were in such a, we were in the car. Right. So that's, that's the big thing is we all get to shape how we are looking at something. Cause it's not true. It's Archer. And if we don't like our truth, we can change how we perceive it. And so from that point, then I can choose to choose, choose the words that fit, how I want everything to look.

Right. And I think that's so important. And I think about this podcast and most people would say, okay, it's going to be really hard. You're going to run a full-time studio. And you're going to try to do all these episodes and anyone who has a podcast, they'll say, Oh, it's hard for, to be discovered. It's hard to get downloads. And I, in the beginning I was like, it's not going to be hard. I'm going to do this. And, but as time goes on, you have to catch yourself and say no, when you are slipping into those patterns and everyone slips into those patterns. And I think you, the symbolism with the backpack, you and I saw you guys on the road and I feel like you changed a lot and grew a lot. And you released that releasing things and just surviving in backpacks was pretty cool. I mean, I don't think you have any regrets about that time. And it was almost like you were setting up your future for your marriage too.

Right? I mean, I definitely don't regret it sometimes. I I'm like, all right, let's just get rid of all this stuff and hit the road. Now there we're grounded. Uh, but yeah, I mean, it was, it was truly a blessing. And I will say, regardless of how I was in the space, I can, I don't know how I was. Right. Liz would have to tell you, I can't see my own face, even though I think I was peaceful. And she typically says that about me, but then sometimes I'm like, I don't think I was peaceful. So if you think so, we'll go with that. And, but yet I do know there were times that I watched her be incredible. Like truly just there. And non-reactive even when I know, Oh, I just said something. I wish I could reel that one back in. Uh, you know, but she, she held space for me and, and I'm sure I did for her and in her mind because we, I actually, in a year, I think we had like one moment that lasted maybe 10 minutes. That was like, geez, this is, I don't know about this. And then it was like, yeah, but I do know about this. So let's get over that. And I know about this and let's be love and keep going and we can accept whatever we want to accept and keep going. And that's, that's it

It's like releasing what doesn't serve you. And in your book you said, and this is me to a tee. So I have a really, I have like that seasonal word. I have a really hard time on the holidays. And I often joke that it stems from the Barbie camper that I never got as a child or, you know, like I have a million different scenarios, but then of course the failed relationships and the bad holidays where I just couldn't manage. And you say your book, you know, think about that person during a holiday who is Grinch, what happened to that person who is that Grinch? And so this year I said to my boyfriend, get a tree. I'm going to do the best I can this year, because I'm going to embrace the holiday if any year to do it. It's this year. And I don't have to be, I don't have to carry that backpack of bricks and that backpack of pain anymore. And I can let and let that, and I got that from your book. So I'm going to text you on Christmas.

Yeah. That'd be great.

And be like, see how far I've come, but see, there's still stuff that I have to heal. I think we're always a work in process. And, um, you, you talk about that. Relationships have been your greatest teacher and you got some serious wisdom from your dad and grandmother. What were some of the key takeaways from that?

Uh, well I'm saying the first thing was relationships is that everybody's like water and you know, we're 70 something or around 70% water. So every time I look at someone, I see my reflection, but I don't like the reflection. I need to shift it in me and I'll see something else different. Right. My mom used to say son, like, I don't know, I was football player about to win a state championship, annoyed with my girlfriend, all types of stuff going on in my head. And my mom was like, son, I'm going to tell you this one time, nobody thinks like you so stop expecting it. And I was like, okay, uh, that, that was like intro, even though I didn't hear it clearly. I still remember it now. And so with all the, my elders, my parents, native American elders and my grandmother and all these people, they they've always been dropping Sage wisdom and then I have to live it and see it. And then I'm like, Oh, that's what you meant. So I've just seen how, uh, reflections are me. And if I want them to shift, I have to shift within me. Like my grandma said, go out on as many dates as you want. I know you like this dating stuff, go out on all these dates. And she actually made me write a big list. Uh, I'll say this for you, your listeners. Like she made me write a list. I had, she first, she made me break up with my girlfriend at the time I just come out of the mountains off of vision quest. And she says, now I want you to go and write a list about everything possible. You can see in a woman. So I went through and I, I mean, I have 10 pages in this journal about what I would want in a, and so then she said, okay, now you really like dating. So I want you to go out on dates with as many people as you can. And if something's wrong, that's missing from the list. Get rid of them, shifted in you and you'll never have to deal with it again. And so I did that and I went out on these dates and then finally I was dating somebody and she seemed like she had everything I wanted in the list. And so I'm like, but she's a little taller than what I wrote. So I wrote dash six and ultimately I had to go back and find there was one thing that I wanted on that list and not gonna say it cause, cause I want to honor her because she's an absolutely amazing person. And uh, and so then I went back and added that one thing and, and I can remember I handed that list of lists and I said, you know, I'm tired of going out on dates. So I don't, I don't want to, I just want to, I want to see if someone really is like this. So I handed the list and she read the list and started crying the, what the heck, but she said, how did you write me down on a list? And it almost brings me to tears when I say it, like there is that person, you know, and I had to become that person first. And then I found that person. Right.

And I, I always say that when, um, someone's husband is acting up or boyfriend, I always say to people, ground yourself and get in your power. And then the whole house will kind of fall in line. And it's true because it is that what you don't like in yourself is mirrored in other people. And I saw how you mirrored such empowerment and positivity in the yoga class where I would come home. And my boyfriend would be like, you are what is going on? Like who a, who are you? You know, you can see this radiating from this class. And my, my daughter saw such a shift in me that she started going to yoga and there was a huge shift in her. And so that's that continuous energy that you were mirroring out so much love to that class, that then we would leave with that and then merit to the people around us. And I think, you know, let's talk about this. I mean, because you, you had failed relationships, she got divorced twice, and then you had an eight year relationship. And, and I know what that's like as well. I always say it was like, I got divorced twice, but you began to see that the common denominator in all the relationships was you and you were carrying a vibration that was attracting the same life patterns. How did you heal this? Or how did you recognize like, all right, I'm doing something wrong here. I have to really make changes in order to pull in something different. Fortunately,

I spent all those years coaching football, right. And so that's, it's a different inner looking, but it's an inner looking like you look at your team, like, what are we, I mean, you're up there with the Patriots and bill and, and uh, you know, that whole team and you look at yourself and you just say, okay, well, if I'm not winning, what, what am I missing? It's like, and so that for me, a win in relationships is both people are happy. That's the ultimate super bowl. Right. And so when I realized that I wasn't happy, I mean, I had gotten divorced twice, regardless of why I left. I left, like, regardless of why it didn't work, I was part of it. And so I had to really say, okay, and here I was in the third space where I was just about to get married and I'm like, yeah, but it's still happening. So I had to really say, okay, what am I bringing to the table? And I actually even went back and listened to them when I said, all right, well, what did we, what went wrong? And they just said, you know, whatever was my fault in the moment. Uh, you know, I can remember in the last relationship her saying, well, my parents think you're, you're consumed with yourself. I was like, okay, well, I'm not, I have enough Moxie to me that that's not going to not, everybody's going to get to say that about me. You know, at some point I'm going to take it on and make it shift. And so I just did that. I was like, okay, I want peace in a relationship. And I'm going to master this and therefore master myself. Right. And I have a different relationship because of that.

Right. So you've totally do so much work. And I, I love the part. When you talk about one of the coaches pulled you aside and said, you know, said you make these faces. And I laughed to myself because I still got you making those faces, you know, but you make a lot of faces like I do. I mean, you're pretty transparent. You, you, you know, it's all right there. Especially for someone like me who studies people's features, um, you know, the truth is always right in your face. And so you looked at that piece of advice and you said, okay, thank you. Thank you for telling me that that's a big person who can, who can take that. And I know when I had to heal the traumas of the failed relationships, I had to have someone say, okay, Carrie, you did this. You repeatedly did this and now take accountability and move on. And you don't have to have that anymore in your life. And it's hard to swallow things and to own mistakes or setbacks, but we're moving forward and we want something different. You know, that's, the deal is doing the work.

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Can you talk about the release program and how to be open to something new?

Yeah, I mean, uh, purchase surge, uh, came about with us letting go of all of our things, you know? And so when we began to sell our stuff, it was evident for me who was going through so much pain that I literally, I could, when we were at the last few things, getting rid of them, all of a sudden they kicked in, I wasn't going to be able to walk, but then once we got the car packed, we got in the car and Liz was like, all right, well, we, we we've got, I don't know. We had like 22 hours to drive 15 hours to be there for a training. And I was like, Oh my God. As soon as we got rid of this last thing, my body felt different. And I was like, nah, let's just go to dinner. We'll let traffic die. And then we can drive and just make it an easy trip. We don't have anywhere to be. We don't have anything to worry about. And, uh, and so that began a different looking woman. I had gotten so beat up in my body from stress and everything. And there's actually a, it's called the release technique. I don't know if it's still practicing, but it was a guy that owned a retreat center in Sedona. And he sold, he was a billionaire that they told was going to die in a few, few months. And he started giving away his stuff and he beat this disease. And so it became the release technique. And so that's what it is. It's a practice of letting go of the things that are tethered to us that hold us down. And so, yeah,

Right. Yeah. I know. Cause I, it was like a year had passed and I hadn't seen you. And I was doubling down writing all this content. And I remember it was the summer and I show up like sweating and I'm like, um, a daily and a dollar short. And then you aren't, you lost 75 pounds. I was like, said, talk about release and like shifting. It was to me, how you just became this. You was still yourself, but you just, you just let go. You didn't want that weight anymore. You just wanted, I don't know what happened with that, but you could see the physical shift in you and the work that you were doing and you did it pretty quickly. And I mean, he wrote this book pretty quickly. Like once you get tapped in and zoned in, you can be the magician in your own life and you believe in miracles. And I remember, remember when I first started to create the swiping soiree, I wasn't thinking as big as I should have. And a friend of mine said to me, Carrie, you've had so many setbacks that you've given up on your dreams. And that was a wake up moment for me and said, you show people how to move outside of the box that they put themselves in. Can you talk about this box of people typically? I mean, you can sit, you can see this with people online dating, where they're like, Nope, I'm going to wait until the pandemic silver to get back out there, you know, whatever program or they have around online dating, it's dangerous, it's loser, roller, creeps, whatever. How would you encourage someone dating to get out of that box that they put themselves in?

Well, first let go of the idea that it needs to be a certain way in order for it to be in a good way for the benefit of their life. And when I say that, what I mean is like, just like we started in the beginning of this conversation, you said, now people are like, Oh, I don't want to do online dating because they probably in their head, they're thinking, all right, it's Corona, I'll have to put on a mask. I'll have to go meet this person. I might not even see them. It's not like we really should go home with one another. All these different things probably go in their head where it could be, you know what? I actually get to be on a zoom call and get them, know this person and they're in their place and I'm in my place. And it's safer for the initial first time talk. And now so many different things could be different if we just looked at them in a way that was positive. And so when I look at people stuck in the box, we all like, no matter who's listening, wherever they are, they look around themselves. They understand that they're probably not fear in the moment. If you are call the cops, do whatever you need to do. But if they're sitting there and they're in this space, like I'm in my house, there is no fear thinking about the walls of my house. Now, if I step far enough outside of the walls that I've created the box in my head, I'm going to go through this feeling of fear. The feeling of fear is just an anxious feeling, meaning you're stepping into something you don't know. And so if you just have the, like I said, before that courage to step into it, to step into something you don't know, then all of a sudden, you know it, and that becomes the fear is over. And we all do it. It's like if you give enough speeches talks or whatever, as soon as you get into it, that feeling's gone. Why? Because it's now become familiar. You get into a relationship and the first year anxious about whatever X, Y, and Z, cause you're looking for it to be something new, or it's gonna feel like that because you don't even know what peace looks like if you've never had feet. So I think it's just important for people listening to say, okay, I can have 20 seconds of Curt.

I love that. I love that. And I love this clearing out of these old patterns and you and I both had to do that and how your past. And like I told, the Grinch story can rule your future and you can establish a new program and transform your life, but you need to, and I'm taking this from your book, but you need to be willing to start again. And you know, I'm thinking about when you talk about this fear of the unknown and the 20 seconds of courage, I feel like a lot of people, and I know that they're pulling in and I did this myself where I kept pulling in 64 narcissists and who didn't want a relationship. And, but they were looking for someone to pass the time with. And it was my mentor who was like, instead of tall, why don't you put nice person as number one on your list? Don't you want a nice person, someone who's supportive of you. So that was me. I was pulling that in for, until I could see the pattern and, and I could shift and pull in something different because I was done with that. I don't know why I was torturing myself, but I was learning. And I think you need to be willing to have some bad dates, have some relationships that don't work out, manage a heartbreak and start, begin again and start where you are. And I really want to motivate and express upon others at the time is now. And you talk about bringing new people to the table. I think this is great. Can you talk about this chapter in your book? I believe is it, is it a chapter? I can't remember.

Uh, it's it's a section in a chapter for sure. Yeah. And the big part is, uh, you know, that old saying of you are the five, most people you spend your time with. So then if you aren't in love with your life where it is, then it's time to bring in some new people and shift the energy of what you're creating around you. And so, you know, I go through and I talk about making sure you find a coach, somebody that will tell you what you can't see. We can't see our own faces, right? Like I can't see my face. You can't see yours and Alyssa, can't see there. Even if you go look in the mirror, it's not exactly the same. It's just not what everybody else sees. So when we have somebody that's a coach, that's honest and will let us know what's going on. We can then see ourselves, at least what others see and begin to shift that. And the same thing goes with, with our friends. I like to call those your accountability buddies or your teammates and, and making sure that you have people that you trust so that when you seem like you're stepping out outside of the lines of what you say, you want to go, you trust that someone can help get you back on that path. Right?

I know myself. I couldn't have dated successfully on Tinder without my girlfriends. And at one point, my friend Kelly came to my studio because I was like, I'm not going to go on a second date with this guy. And she said, you know what, Carrie you've been through so much. You don't even know what a good guy looks like. So from now on your friends or your friends are making the decisions who you're going on a second date with, I mean, that's how bad I was, but it took a friend who really cared about me and could see that I had been programmed that I didn't even know what a nice, nice qualities were. And that was just so sad. I had been through so much heartbreak and I think we, we don't always have the answers. And a lot of the times we're too close to it and, and you need to have that accountability partner or coach and, and lean on your friends. And I remember, and I thank you so much for trusting me with the important decision of choosing the cover of those who know God. And you said, Carrie, this is what I think this is what all these other people think. And I just want your opinion. And that, that was smart because that's what I do for a living is, you know, branding. And, and I said, said, I know you, and this is you. This feels like you to me. I just felt like I don't know that I could articulate it the best way, but I knew it was in your best interest. And I knew you were too close to it. I mean, you wrote the book until one day. So things are happening really and moving fast, but you knew that I always had your back and I would tell you the truth. And I, and I'm grateful for the mention, um, and the acknowledgements. And I'm just so grateful for our friendship. And you shared so much amazing information today, and I'm going to take this directly from your book, but I'm going to reframe for, for when you choose a partner, find people, you know, the ones you can drop your guard with. I love that people you can count on that will stand by you. The people who will stick around when all else fails. I'll never forget you being there for me when I was injured and how you told me to get back into hot yoga and just start with a forward fold, even as helpless as I felt. And it's empowering to take that first step and start where you are and surround yourself with friends like yourself, who raise you up. Thank you said for all you do, where can people follow you on social media and buy your book?

Uh, well, they can follow me on Sid McNary and that's the same. As my website said, mcnary.com. You can get the book on Amazon. Those who know God, but Sydney McNairy and, and, uh, it'll be shipped to you and get it, get it. Surely you can get it before the holidays get through.

That's great. And definitely it's a must buy for the holidays and tell them where they can follow your podcast.

Oh, awesome. Yeah. My podcast is past the stick conversations from the heart. You can find it on iTunes. You can find it on Buzzsprout and you can find it on Spotify and many other platforms. And it's great. I look forward to having Carrie on, and we do a series of moments where people, we just go through a theme and then we have a series that we go through and people can continue to tune in for that. And so many special guests and people that, uh, are adding to the conversation to elevating everyone past the set. Yeah.

Yeah. I know. I just listened to your last two episodes. It's definitely interesting. The different things you guys talk about, and I'm like, what's going on here on this episode. It's so interesting. And also on Instagram, I know you're like amazing on social media and I need to learn from you. I'm not sure if you've mentioned that or not.

Yeah. It's all said McNary so Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn is Sid McNair.

We'll say we're going to have to do a part two, so I'll definitely have you back on shot at love, but thanks again for your time today. You're the best. Thank you. Thanks. And for now this week's Tinder tips in honor of today's guests, Sid McNary these tips come straight from his book. Number one, think about what you're carrying with you carrying forward. You can let go of, what's not serving you. You can put it down and move forward. Then feel the lightness. Number two, put down the blame and reclaim your flame. Number three, when dating, if old patterns show up, you stop, listen, feel and consciously choose a new place to go. Number four, as you go further begin to build the life you want in thought first number five, start where you are. I hope you found some of my tips helpful this week. This is what shot at love is here for, to help you find love. Keep up the commitment to yourself and commit to helping someone else by sharing this podcast. Remember to stay safe and stay tuned for more. If you'd

Like me to photograph you for your online dating profile, DME about my shot at look promotion I'm Carrie Brett, and we'll see you next time.

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