Manifest Money And Love With Wealth Coach Terri Nicklas

I'm Carrie Brett, and this is shot at love. The first motivational show around online dating today, we're gonna discuss how limiting beliefs create your reality. If you look at your home surroundings, love life, everything is the result of your thoughts. Today. We're gonna create a new script around love and money. So stay tuned. Today's guest is money. Coach Terry, Nicholas, and we're gonna reevaluate our relationship with money. For 20 years, Terry has worked as a certified financial planner and certified money coach. She's been helping people rebuild wealth by shifting their money mindset. She replaces those thoughts that don't serve you with new habits while transforming her clients' lives. Terry's been featured in the wall street journal, money, coaching magazine, Forbes magazine, and many more. She's a sought after speaker and expert. Thank you Terry for being here.

Well, thank you, Carrie. I'm delighted to be with you today.

Before we start talking about the parallels between love and money. I wanna share a story of how I took your class years ago, but I didn't sign up for your coaching, which was a big mistake. So I'm so excited for this show. I had a big breakthrough recently, and it's no secret that I've suffered loss and had to rebuild my life. Many times I took your class a while back, but in truth, I guess I wasn't ready. Maybe it was because I was in a new relationship or navigating through so many changes that I couldn't focus. I guess the teacher came too early, but it's never too late to shift. I think about all the setbacks that I've had and all the lessons I think I had to master, helping others get over their limiting beliefs around dating, to see how limiting beliefs about money were the same. If you search long and hard enough, the teacher appear so welcome Budha. It looks like we meet on the path again,

Not mistake<laugh>

It's like kill Budha in the path. How many times do I have to meet Budha Terry? When I took your class, I watched you light up. When you help people take control of their finances, their future, what drives your passion around finance?

Well, what drives my passion? Carrie? That is a great question. I get asked that a lot. I believe I'm a servant leader and what really drives my passion is when I see a person transform their life. So when I'm working with, as you know, I specialize in helping women and usually they're going through a big transformation in their life. Like di divorce. I seem to work with a lot of divorcing women and when I can see them feel empowered to ask for right settlement, stand in their power and stick up for their children so that they get the right kind of childcare benefit from their expo or whatever else it is that they need. When they come to me originally, they're usually pretty broken and when I can help them feel what they're worth, it's why I get outta bed in the morning.

Wow. I bet. Do you see a lot of women feel broken around money and also feel like they can't find love?

I do. And I, I have seen relationships when I'm sharing with my clients. That money is usually the root of why they're getting a divorce money and there's been many studies on it. Money and money issues are a person's money mindset are the number one reason relationships dissolve.

So it's definitely a dicey time right now.

Well, it can be, um, it can either be a time for growth. It depends on how again, it's your, your mindset. So my favorite quote is Wayne Dyer. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

Interesting. That's nice. I mean, I love Wayne Wayne Dyer. I feel like in the pandemic where people have lost their jobs and there's been so much loss it's I almost feel like guilty in a sense to think. Let's just try to figure out how we can make cold hard cash. Does that make sense?

It does. That's survivor guilt. Oh, and that's very common. So for a lot of folks and I've been working with some folks that are going through just that, that they still have their job, their income hasn't changed. In fact, they're probably in a better position because they're not spending money because the things that they used to spend money on aren't available. So they look around and they see people who, you know, are struggling to survive right now where they've had a business for many years and the business is falling through the cracks through no fault of their own. And they feel horrible about it. And my advice to them is those. You can control what you can control. So if you are gonna make yourself physically or emotionally sick over something, you cannot control. You're not gonna be of any help to anyone, right? So if you really want to be that change or be that support, then think of a way that you could help that person. Strategically.

When I was getting divorced, I had a young child, a young baby, and I had a therapist say to me, if it you're on an airplane and the airplane is going down, you take the oxygen first so that you can be, you know, alive and breathing and well to save your child.

Exactly.

Having your finances in order, especially during a pandemic is security is safety.

It is Carrie. And I think that right now, it's a time for anyone who either, if you're in a good position and you're saying, thank God, I'm in a good position, but I could be better. This is a great opportunity for you to really look under the hood and see what you could do better for somebody who through no fault of their own is now in a bad position. It's kind of, um, the reason that we plan. So when you have a plan in place and you have that contingency set up, now you can have that security. This is why we plan.

I, I help women have a plan when they go online. When I went online, I was pretty angry about the way a lot of these men were operating. Mm-hmm<affirmative>, I became fierce and I wasn't gonna take it anymore. And I almost feel like to have to have that mindset. I'm gonna take control of my finances. I'm gonna have control over my life. Do you see people angry or sad or frustrated

All of the

Above? I can only imagine

All of the above. And I think that you can take anger and you can turn it into empowerment if you don't get so stuck in your story that alls you're doing is saying, if you keep repeating your story and why you're angry, you're gonna continue to be angry. But if you can use that as fuel to grow and just like the Lotus coming through the muck, you wanna come through that muck and you wanna be stronger and more powerful than ever before.

I wanna talk about the energy of being stuck and how it plays out in people's lives. There, there are signs all around us, but we tend to ignore them. I remember I had all this damage. We, we had three back to back blizzards and my pipes burst. And I remember sitting in my studio in the middle of the wreckage, on the floor alone and afraid crying. I remember thinking as I surveyed the damage, it's time to seal the pipes. I guess that was a healing process that I had to go through. I was putting all this energy into a relationship that was just draining and damaging me. And there it was, the universe had to show the water flowing<laugh> as a metaphor for what are you doing, Carrie? Apparently I wasn't gonna wake up, but I did that did get my attention. I bet. Oh, it got my attention. And then I quickly met a builder on Tinder and he took care of the situation. So<laugh>, I always had a way of making things work, but I guess that was again like the heroing process I had to go through. Can you talk about the signs or being stuck and you know why people ignored signs?

Absolutely. So I'd like to give a little metaphor. This is one that we were talking about the other day. Uh, several years ago, I was going through, um, quite a challenge with my parents while they were alive, obviously alive at the time, they're both deceased now. And they were living in a home that was literally falling down around them and it was heartbreaking, but they were old and stubborn. And my dad especially did not wanna leave. So as hard as it was, it was probably one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I met with them and I just said, you know, dad, I said, you know, hurricane Katrina, you remember that event? He said, of course, this was like a couple years after that. He said, of course, sweetheart, why do you bring that up? I said, well, there was this guy during the hurricane. And he was stubborn. He didn't wanna leave his house. He really felt like, you know, God was gonna take care of him. So a bus came down the street, the bus driver yelled to him. He said, come on on the bus. We gotta get you to higher ground. The guy said, no, no, God's gonna take care of me. He ignored it. So the water was rising. And then a boat came by a rescue boat and the driver of the rescue boat. Same thing, yelled out, come on, come on, get on the boat. We gotta get you to hire ground. He said, no, no, the Lord's gonna provide. So finally the guy climbs up to the roof of his house as the water is rising. And a helicopter came by and the helicopter dropped down a ladder and said, come on, I gotta get you to safety. He says, no, no, no, the Lord's the Lord will provide. So unfortunately the man drown and he's on his way to heaven. And he meets St. Peter in St. Peter greets him at the Pearl gates. And he said, why did God forsake me? I was a devote follower for my whole life. He said, my son, who do you think sent the bus, the boat and the helicopter.

Right?

So we get signs all the time. Right? And we, why we ignore them because we don't believe, and we don't have that faith in ourselves. So you cannot be in fear and faith at the same time.

I think it's really easy to, to step into victim mode. Mm-hmm

<affirmative>

In episode 14 in season one, I have a, a show called a million reasons. And I talk about all the stories that people tell themselves to either stay in a bad situation or the excuses to not put themselves out there. I like how you say when you're ready call me, but I'm not interested in dragging you along. So can you gimme some examples of people that were really difficult? I would feel like I would be one of those people, but now I'm ready. See, two years ago, I wasn't ready. Can you gimme some examples of how people can work through their limiting beliefs?

Absolutely. Carrie, that's a great question. Um, one of the things is just feel the fear and do it anyways. Oh. So a lot of times people stay stuck because they're so afraid of the outcome or they're so afraid of facing the demon. And when we take it step by step, and one of the things that I teach in my coaching processes, the elephant in the room is your finances. And if you try to swallow the elephant in one gulp, it's terrifying. But if you nibble one little bit at a time, inch by inch, you get there. And when you feel those incremental successes, it gives you the inspiration in the aspiration to keep moving. So one of the reasons that we stay stuck is because we don't know what's on the other side. We know where we are right now. We know this pain, but we don't know if going to the other side is gonna be more painful.

This mirror is dating so perfectly to me. And I know I had to have this aha moment, this breakthrough, because I could see the correlation between the two mm-hmm<affirmative>. So when you have your life fall apart, you have the shame of being broke and this shame of living in fear, and you feel like you're in this black hole that you can never climb out of and is overwhelming. So now you're gonna go put yourself out there in front of 800 million people and get hurt over and over again. That's what people think,

Right? And I can understand that, but it's really with you're on line or offline. It's the same thing. It's that fear of putting yourself out there. And I find it, even when people working with me, they're putting themselves out there when they're working with me, because they're exposing all of their, what they perceive as their hidden sins. So they're all coming out of the closet, but we have to feel it to heal it. And<affirmative>, and there's no judgment. That's when I'm working with it's, we all make mistakes. But if we continue on that path and we try to figure it out by ourselves, then we're just repeating those mistakes. We're not learning, we're not growing. And we are staying stuck. And it's like, oh, I tried this. And I tried that. And nothing changed. Well, the thing that didn't change was you. We have to change your mindset around money. We have to help you build that confidence again. And a lot of it is confidence, but where that comes from is having 100% clarity on what it is you really want. So if I can give you an example, a woman, I was talking to just a couple days ago and she called me and she was going on and on about like, she had a lot of problems, very significant. And I said to her, at the end of our conversation, I said, let's pretend it's three years from today. And we're gonna look back on three years of working together. What has to have happened for you to feel like this was a good idea? And she said, I have to feel like you made money for me. And I said, okay. I said, but you're not hiring me to make money for you. You're hiring me to help you have clarity, help you have, you know, a direction, et cetera. So that's like, if you go to a restaurant, you water a steak, the waiter brings you a great steak, best one you ever had, but you're not satisfied because you didn't get the lobster, but you didn't order a lobster. You ordered a steak.

<laugh> right. So the importance of clarity, we had a conversation yesterday and I was talking about how more than half the country is single. So how do I get in front of them? And you said, what I'm hearing is that you're not clear about your podcast. I'm like, okay, I've worked pretty hard on this podcast. I think I'm pretty clear who my listeners are. I said, well, I believe that there are people out there who wanna listen to what I have to say. And I wanna help people avoid the mistakes I made. And if I had more money, then I could use that money to get in front of a bigger audience. So the, the power of money makes a huge difference. Could you talk about clarity in setting attention? Absolutely.

Absolutely. I'm so glad you brought that up.<laugh> so the clarity that I was referring to, I know you have a hundred percent clarity on your mission. Okay? Okay. But what you want is a desired outcome for you. Okay. Was the thing that was not clear.

Oh,

So what you want as the end game for you, like, why are you doing this for you? Is the piece that needs clarity. So I believe that your mission of trying to help 800 million people or whatever the number is, is crystal clear. What does that do for Kerry?

So that's the typical thing of an artist of an artist. Artist put beautiful work into the world. Exactly. We're, we're not bankers we're. We tend to be givers. And I know I give to my community and I give auction items to the school. And I'm always like that. Helping healing person, Jen Masar. She was one of my guests. She's the queen of manifestation. And she has this money, masters online, um, class that I've been taking. And she had this woman from Australia and her name is Denise stuffy Thomas. And she talks about this, this artist way. And she wrote this book called lucky. And she has a mantra that she says, I serve. Therefore I deserve isn't that great?

It is. And that's like, one of the archetypes in money, coaching is the creator artist. And you describe that creator artist persona to a T. That's not your personality. It's your tendency to behave in a certain way. That's what an archetype is. And it's how does that play into your finances? Well, you described it perfectly, Carrie, because you are putting out, but you're not open to receive. So now that mantra is opening the channel to reception.

I love it. I thought that was an excellent mantra. I thought that was definitely worth mentioning because a lot of the women that I help, they are nurses. They have mothers, they take care of the dog, the children, everyone comes before them, right? When is it going to be that they deserve to go out on a date

When they decide? I like that. When they decide, when they decide it's my turn, I'm going to do whatever, whether it's dating or it's just self care of some kind, whatever it might be, you have to make that decision. That's the money mindset that we talk about.

It's amazing. I wonder how to have a healthy relationship with money. I never thought about having a relationship with money is pretty obvious that I've had highly toxic and largely dysfunctional relationship with money.<laugh> why is it important to get intimate with your money?<laugh>

Because when you're intimate with your money, then you can be intimate with others. Because now you have that confidence and that clarity, and you know, with certainty that you can stand on your own two feet, and you're not looking for that person to rescue you, cuz you're already rescued. Now you're looking for a partner.

I would totally use that on a date. I'd be like, listen, buddy, I'm already in a relationship with money, but<laugh> you'll wanna put up some cash. Maybe we'll have a deal.<laugh> so is cash cold and hard or is it warm when it's in your pocket? What do you think?

Um, I think it's what you think it is. You know, if you perceive cash as cold and hard, that it will be cold and hard for you. Interesting. But if you perceive it as something that is, um, non-denominational so we say, you know, it doesn't have, don't give it a personality. Don't give it that much emotion. Think of it like a tool in the toolbox. So you have a camera, you take beautiful photographs, you have certain things upon a stand or whatever it is that you need. You don't attach any emotion to them, right? Money should be the same. You shouldn't attach any emotion to it. Just think of it as a tool, as a, um, something that provides a reciprocity that provides an energy, provides a flow in nothing more.

So that's the money mindset. So how do you end that money? Soap, opera like this and through the hourglass, these are the days of our lives

Tune in tomorrow.<laugh>

Where's my car. Oh, it's been repoed<laugh> but I just bought it.

<laugh> no, you didn't

<laugh> as it's gone and you're not going on a date<laugh> so what's a money mindset. And how do you shift that money saga that you've created?

Well, the money mindset comes from the itty bitty committee. That's the stories that you tell yourself and you need to reframe those conversations. That's you shift your money mindset. And that comes through the money. Coaching process helps with that. So there's four core steps that we take with the money, mind, the money coaching process, and then there's work that you continue to do after the fact that helps solidify those new habits that you need to form. So if in the back of your mind, you only see yourself as a money victim or somebody who has all these problems. Now what's going to happen is that's gonna repeat itself. You need to change that movie. You need to really reframe that whole photograph of yourself as a person who cannot handle money.

So when I talk about the limiting beliefs in my swiping swallow with the women that I help, I play this video of all the limiting beliefs that they tell themselves. And if you listen to that episode, you can hear them. And women are crying and they come up to me and they say, I can check every single one of those box. And I say, well, obviously I wrote this. I, I could too. And then years pass and they still haven't joined online. And it's frustrating for me because I, I got their attention. I got them to open up their mind to, to take a chance, but they still never took that leap. How do we powerfully decide to say enough? I know cuz you're here. I'm gonna do things differently. I'm ready to hire you. I'm prepared to take action. I guess I'm ready now because I could see the direct correlation between the people that I was trying to help. What are your thoughts about being ready? And I think about my life and what it be like if I decide to hire you years ago.

Well, that's a great point, Carrie. But if you did hire me years ago, you might not have been ready to implement the strategies

Or hear, hear you

Or hear me. You might, your ears in your head might have been too filled with your own story. You have no control over you don't, you can't control the traffic on the street. Right? Right. But you can control you and you can control the decisions that y'all gonna make. So it's like now when we're forced to go within, we're forced to kind of be somewhat isolated. This is a great opportunity to really re like almost like do a movie review, like sit in front of the screen and watch your life movie and say, what are the pieces I really wanna fix? And how do I do that? And if it's something you haven't been able to fix on your own, then it's time to get help.

And I'll help you. If you have questions and fears and you wanna text me or DM me, I'll help you. I gotta text this morning. First thing this morning from someone that I've coached, helped her life a lot. And she wrote me, I gotta get back out there. Yeah you do. Because right now people's loneliness is so amplified. People are the online dating sites are booming and people are getting after it it's the summer. You can go outside. Let's do something while we can go on a bike ride, go on a walk. I don't wanna be, we don't know what the, the winter will bring. Right? So I really wanna encourage people that make changes. I'm gonna make a change. That's the last piece for me, I really is though, is the hiring a wealth coach. I've hired every other coach in

The coach in<laugh>.

And for now this week's Tinder tips. Number one, introduce a new mantra like Denise duffel, Thomas. I serve, therefore I deserve you're deserving and worthy of love. Number two, money mindset. Clarity will get you from where you are to where you want to be. Number three, write down your intentions and the qualities of the person you would like to manifest. There's a lot of power putting a pen to paper. And in honor of this week's guest, Terry Nicholas number four is Terry's tip. When you have problems, handle them with ease and grace carry on soldiers. And number five, when we get those signs from the universe, stop pushing, relax, allow and receive. Is there anything else that you want would like to tell why they should hire someone like you?

Well, that's, that's great. I appreciate that. Um, I can tell you that the people that I've been able to help where I've really seen the biggest breakthrough are the people that are at that St. They're at that precipice. And they're saying to themselves, I am just so sick and tired of feeling like a loser. I'm so sick and tired of worrying about money. It's making me physically sick. I am at a point where I really need to make the change. So what you look for when you're decide that you wanna work with someone question that I ask a potential client is, have you been trying to fix this on your own? And if they say yes, well for how long, and how has that worked out for you? If you've been struggling for years and years, to try to fix this on your own, that should tell you that you're probably not able to fix it on your own.

It look like when I tell people, you have to treat this like a job. You have to text these men back every day and look at your phone couple of times a day. Because if you don't give them energy, they're gonna go away and it takes time and it takes effort. But that's why I loved how I, when I joined Tinder, it was one positive action that led to another positive action. Getting in the shower, you know, putting yourself together the best you can, feeling better about yourself, working on your confidence, meeting new people. Some of the, the people that I went on dates with are still in my life today. Either clients or friends, it was all positive. Mm-hmm,<affirmative>, it's all opportunity. There's plenty of opportunity to make money. There's plenty of opportunity to find love. We just have to get at, get after it and stop holding ourselves back.

Exactly. That's a great point in whether it's Tinder or it's, you're going for a walk every day at the same time, whatever it is implementing an action step is the thing that's going to shift your energy into something positive. So find an action that you feel good about that you feel like you can do this day after day or however frequent. You need to do it and just keep doing it inch by inch. Life's a Essent yard by yet. It feels hard.<laugh>

I feel like I'm Andy Duray, you know, trying to dig myself outta jail sometimes like one grain of sand at a time, just shaking it out into the jail yard lot. Um,<laugh> into whatever, wherever he went for his walks, but it's difficult. And sometimes it doesn't feel great.

No, it doesn't change does not feel great. We know where we are right now. We know whatever pain we're in right now. We're comfortable with it. We, because we're familiar with it. We might not like it, but we know what it is. It's fear of the unknown is a huge fear. Like if I put myself out there, will things be worse? Will I meet some creep? Well, you might,

Or you could stop. You know, you might be able to stop selling like Rodan fields because you just met a billionaire.

Well,

People don't look at it like that.

You know, whether you meet a billionaire, you don't, you know, it's like what you might meet the person of your dream. But I think the whole point to meeting whether it's meeting a person or getting a finances in order or whatever it might be is you need clarity on what it is that you are actually looking for. So if you are looking for a mate and I'm not a mate specialist, but I'm using this as an example, think about the qualities that you want that person to have and how those qualities are gonna play into your life. Once you know that, and you can visualize it, then other things fall into place. It's the same with your finances? What is it that you want in your financial world that you don't have right now, if you own a business, it might be, you want a consistent flow of qualified prospects or qualified new clients. If it's you have debt, you want to have a, a system that you're comfortable with to pay down that debt. Before you get there, you get a look at how did that debt happen in the first place and what are the habits that you need to change? So that, that doesn't happen again. And you know, using debt as an example.

So it's clarity.

Clarity is the number one key to success, knowing exactly what you want pointing yourself in that direction will, and then taking action towards whatever it is you want. It's like the GPS you wanna know, you wanna get from, uh, north street to south street. You plug in the information. If you just sit in your car, nothing's going to change.

So write it down. What you want, the type of guy that you want. Be very clear, crystal, clear clarity. I want someone an equal partner. Someone who loves me, someone who, if they, if you want them to pay your bills, write it down. If you want a man of means, write it down, ask for what you want, but be clear and have clarity. I, I hope today's episode inspired you to create more abundance and take action in your journey to find love. Terry, I can't thank you enough for your time. And I can't wait to start this financial journey with you.

I can't wait either.

It's it won't be boring. No,

It won't be boring.<laugh>

We'll have to, we'll have to, uh, do a part too. If you wanna find information about Terry, her website is wealth coach for women.net. And I'm gonna put Terry's email in the link to her free ebook, your money and life playbook in the show notes. So you can reach Terry for her help in guidance, Terry again, thank you so much for joining us today at shot at love.

Oh, you are most welcome. Anytime Carrie,

Remember every day you have the opportunity to make a different choice, decide it doesn't matter. The decision or indecision that we made in the past. We can choose to forgive ourselves and move forward in a positive direction. Remember, the universe is instantly abundant. So align yourself with the future you want to create. I hope you found some of my tips helpful this week. This is what shot at love is here for, to help you find love. Keep up that commitment to yourself and commit to helping someone else by sharing this podcast. Remember to stay safe and stay tuned for more episodes. I'm Carrie, Brett, and we'll see you next time.