Only A Matter Of Time With Caroline 2.0

spk_0:   0:03
I'm carry Bret and you're listening to shot at life. Isn't it time you took a shot at love? Took a shot on yourself? Believe you were worthy of true love? Is there a more effective way to date? Can you finally tell Yah and I'm gonna show you how it's done? I am. Carrie Read. Today's episode is called It's only a matter of time. Today we have Caroline 2.0, version joining us. Caroline. Hello. Thanks for being here

spk_1:   0:39
and for having me. Yeah,

spk_0:   0:41
this is gonna be so exciting because we're gonna help millennials. Yeah, we're gonna

spk_1:   0:45
think they need it.

spk_0:   0:46
Yeah, we're gonna talk about that, and we're gonna pay it forward. I was helping your mom navigate or actually was brainwashing her and stealing her phone and pretending to be her and tender. After I helped your mom, she said, Carrie, you've gotta help other people like you helped being. And so I started writing and writing and writing and writing. And one day it was in winter. I think I carried my 28 inch computer on the elevator, put it in your kitchen and sat down with you and your mom and I said This is what I think the swipe things worry is going to be Can you please tell me if this is a tender musical or if this is a Vagina Monologues or if I've lost my mind And if there's anything of value here, you're a little unsure. I didn't know it at the time, but your moments really smart because she knew the lessons that you needed to learn. But she knew she couldn't teach you them because you wouldn't listen. Because that's what happens when you have, you know, mother daughter relationship. So I was the neutral person in between you and at the time you were dating. I'm guy with three kids and you're 25 years old. I didn't say anything. I just did my program When you first saw what I created, tell me how you changed

spk_1:   2:05
for sure. Yes. So you opened my eyes day by day, I would say, and let me come to you in my own way, which I greatly appreciated. But the moment I saw your presentation, it just changed everything for me within less than five minutes, right? Every slide was so inspiring. Every monologue and your genuine nature and stories just made me truly believe in myself. And I thought to myself, If Kerry can do this, hell, I can do it too. I just got really excited about dating and knowing you know how many dates you went on to go find Your prints opened my eyes that you got to do that too. So I just started to go for it.

spk_0:   2:48
Well, I think what happened at the end. I just had the laugh because, you know, you're sitting there in a glass of wine and you're kind of taking it all in and we started the night with, Well, I'm dating this guy with three kids. And once I finished revealing the program, I just looked at you for your response. And you just said, Well, that's over with that guy.

spk_1:   3:09
Sure, Waas. It was like, This is awesome.

spk_0:   3:13
That was really exciting to see. I think you know, you definitely were a millennial. Where, And I love the millennial questions at the end of my soiree because they come right at me. You know, it's like the challenge challenge challenge, and that's OK because they're in pain and there paying a lot of money to be at a hotel and the paying for parking. They're paying for my seminar. They definitely a frustrated. They want answers. You challenged me on a lot of the things that I teach. Can you remember some of

spk_1:   3:43
those things? I sure did. I tested some of the limits. I would say one of them being Don't message the guy first. I thought one time that I would get that a world and see if that was actually true. I'm sorry. Even though I trying not to apologize so much and I gotta say it did not work. And with them messaging you first, when you can really take advantage of that, I would recommend it because you were absolutely right. It makes you hold the cards even more wherein it shows that they have Interesting. Just makes you feel good.

spk_0:   4:14
Absolutely. So one millennial at the end of moist weapons Worry in Boston said to me, I'm not into your hole. Don't write the guy first. Carrie and I said Okay. And she said, I don't really care. I just write them because I don't care. I said, You're clearly in a lot of pain. You do care. It's not working for you. It's not working for you chasing these guys. It's hard to hold your cards, and it's hard to sit back and wait, but

spk_1:   4:43
their own tender, they're going to write you eventually for sure, Totally. This whole way of finding love. It's not a race. And I'd say Patience is a virtue and it's so key because you have to be patient when finding the right one. You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince. You've got to figure out what you want through that process. And being patient is so important. All you know, message people in the morning go to work and then message them at night. I get messages from some guys that's two o'clock, read their four o'clock. How was your day at work? That's too much for me. That is not going to work for me. I don't know what you're doing all day, but you're not doing the same thing as may. So I think being patient and not just chasing like that, it's so important where it will have been

spk_0:   5:31
totally so. People have different jobs in different schedules, you know, like I did a builder and they get up early. They work when the sun is shining. You know, he would be five o'clock in the morning, sending me a message, and I could be editing until one o'clock in the morning so it can be challenging when you're trying to get to know someone when you have completely different work schedules. I remember one guy. I felt bad for him, like I wrote him. I think I have it in my summoner. I wrote him this text back and I said to him, I will be the last girl that you talked to like this, my friend. I understand you don't get tender yet, but it was a holiday weekend. I said I'm a single mother. I have a company. People are not necessarily always gonna write you back in 24 hours. Now, looking back, I think the person was in a lot of pain and just immediately had, you know, no self worth and took it really hard. And so when people fail rejection, the first thing they do is lash out. You know, you're not that great. They're gonna say you learn. You learn by participating in it and working tender like a job. Let's talk about how you became Caroline 2.0, from when you first started to learn the swiping soiree and then we were getting you in position to pull in thes multiple. You know, many relationships, and I remember when you first pulled in one guy that you dated, you said, Carry hands down. If I didn't become you basically on tender, this wouldn't have worked out

spk_1:   7:13
for sure. Yes, So it's all about holding your cards, which I think is the biggest thing that you teach. And there's a lot of different ways you can do so you have to be confident and go out on these dates where you've got to just go for it. What's the worst that can happen? I used to just live in fear, and I think when I really turned the corner to become Caroline 2.0, it's because I turned this into a job like you told me to. I find my way to do it. Yes, I've never watched game of Thrones. Okay, everybody else has in the U. S. Population except me, cause I'm on tinder and that's what I'm doing with my time. I'm making it another job focusing on that and then just having that confidence, you have got to go on multiple dates living in that fear. Back to what I was saying, I finally figured out again What's worse, that can happen. What if he's awkward? No big deal. Maybe you learn something new. Maybe you learned another quality you don't want to find in a guy or you. D'oh! Maybe he's super awkward, but he's very, very brilliant. And he learned an interesting fact about dinosaurs. Who knows? But you did something right and it wasn't a waste of in our A lot of people say, Oh, that was such a waste of my time. I never looked at it like that. You have to look at it with an optimistic attitude. It's not a waste your time. It's practice, practice, practice, right? I've just found them war dates. I go on, the more confident I become and just finding the time for it. On Saturday, I went on a date at, uh, one o'clock lasted 50 minutes. He was extremely introverted, kind, well dressed. Love the vineyard vines. But no way I'm not gonna happen, but not a waste of my time.

spk_0:   8:52
No, but see, you're smart now because you have lots of sharks circling.

spk_1:   8:56
Exactly. I've been dating two guys at once recently. Neither or the right one. I have a lot of other people than a messaging. I'm going on at least one date a week. But I would say 2 to 3 on average.

spk_0:   9:08
That's excellent. That's great. I'm so proud of you. So, you know, little Caroline became Caroline to phone Oh, and then turned into this savage like I was like, What is going on? I've created a monster, but I loved it. And I remember one time it securely won't you come into Boston? We're gonna go to this open opening some event. I can't remember what it was. It gives me opportunity pass out the right way to tender cars and just hold court and just tell stories. And people just laugh. And they're like, What are you doing? And it's been the most fun I've ever had in my life. I remember I had this big crowd, and I'm trying to get energy around this swiping. Sorry, because I'm trying to fill all the seats. I'm looking around. And I'm like, Where did Caroline go? I send you a tax, and you're like, Sorry, I just picked up a tinder date. Sorry to ditch you.

spk_1:   9:58
It's true, but I'm on a date now. He owned a mattress store on Newbury Street. Nice guy. Not the one, but nice. Gutsy. Always liked them when I go past that mattress store

spk_0:   10:08
Oh, my God. I would have a field day with a person in a mattress store that could use a new mattress,

spk_1:   10:17
right? Never ending with that.

spk_0:   10:21
Oh, my God, that's hysterical. But no action creates reaction. You will manifest this perfect person because you're after it. Anything that you put your energy and your time into works out.

spk_1:   10:34
It sure does. And I have been really living my life by the principal of my dad. Always says, If it doesn't come naturally, leave it. And lately it's just been a lot more dates because I'm not pushing something that is unrealistic. If it feels good, keep going for it. Keep trying. If it doesn't feel right, walk away and do not apologize for walking away where I often get asked out on second dates and I just simply say, you know, I'm not vibing this. I don't say I'm sorry. I just say I'm not really vibing this and be no best of luck. Thank you so much, but no, just pushing something that is unrealistic,

spk_0:   11:11
right? So I love the I'm not binding this because again, I had to teach myself Tender. I don't even think the term ghosting was even around back then. But it happened. There were tons of people that I went out with myself. And I'm like, Okay, I know this is not gonna happen, but the person was very nice. And then I'd never knew what to dio the next day. I think it's terrible to go someone, and it's not fun to have it happen to you. I thought that was such a nice way to have so much like class and poise around the next day. You're not going to go out with someone a second date. Do what you say is like think you know, you're not my guy. So but the way you say it, I think that's really kind

spk_1:   11:55
and you want them to find the best thing they can find. You know that they're looking for the same thing, so why not? You know which them the very best on their way, and I hope the best for them.

spk_0:   12:07
So I have this list a gram of the top 20 guys that are on tender, which I think is pretty funny and pretty accurate. And there's a couple in there that you were like, How was I dating? Yes, the mama's boy, Or how was I dating?

spk_1:   12:21
Yes, I was in a five month relationship with a mama's boy. Yeah, that's his wife. That's his priority,

spk_0:   12:27
right? So you're never gonna be its priorities. I knew that one pretty well. But you missed that in this lecture. Did you? Didn't. But that's OK. The other than the moment Mama's boy, he was also a future faker. And I knew that by certain moves that he would make, I used to laugh. I say, Caroline, how many times that we're gonna have a discussions that started out with He's pretty much everything hump eyeless, Carrie, or you know what this is happening on link

spk_1:   12:55
for sure, and I think it's so important to come up with that list. But as one of my best friends said to me, Caroline is treats you right on that list because I think you should go write it down and she was absolutely right, right? You have got to look read between the lines. Yes, I want somebody who is, you know, wants to be a dad, has a good job, is driven. These are all things that were on my list. However, being a huge pessimist was not going to work for me. I wake up in the morning and I see rain boats out the window. I am constantly on Cloud nine. When you're in a relationship with somebody who's, you know, just see storm clouds. No matter what, it's not going to work for. Those types of little things bring you down. That's not the way to a successful relationship. You have to spot the little signs to room, so I think it's important to they go out what you want, But the more practice you have, the more little things you realized.

spk_0:   13:58
One of my proudest moments was when you spotted an out of towner, which is one of the guys that I have on my list on tinder and you screenshot a message and it was classic because the guy was like, Hey, Caroline in town for the Red Sox. Any interest going and then you disrobe back. Hello, Mr Out of Towner?

spk_1:   14:21
I sure did. Oh, urine out of towner. That's what they are. Just think about it Looking. I see this all the time looking for a tour guide in Boston this weekend, for we can't figure out that that says something else. Then just stop. Just walk away.

spk_0:   14:38
But you know how many people fall into that trap?

spk_1:   14:40
Oh, my gosh, because they're going to They're going to leave. But if I feel a connection, we'll make it work. Long distance. It will follow him up. And I applaud any listeners who that happened to them. Good for you.

spk_0:   14:53
Good for you. You might as well date someone who's in jail,

spk_1:   14:55
right? It's not going to work. They're not going to be a part of your life.

spk_0:   15:08
Here are today's tender tips. Number one go on. Multiple dates diversify with lots of dates, were running tender, like a business. And in business, we take chances also in business. We don't over scrutinize our new prospects were clients. Look for every opportunity number two. Bring your a game. Do what you need to do to look and feel your best. Get a spray tan, opt for blow out, buy a new outfit or pick up some new luxury. And remember, you've got this number three. Be patient. Patience is a virtue. Good things come to those who wait. Also, be patient with yourself. We all have bad days or dates that aren't so great, but we don't focus on what didn't work. We focus on moving forward on before. Do not cancel a date. If this was your job, you would show up regardless of how less been perfect the night was. Consistency and follow through is key to your success. Leverage the edge when you have it. Remember, dating is a job and at work we aren't able to take breaks when things get hard. If you cancel and you don't have a real excuse and don't expect that person to reschedule Number five no bio, it's your turn. Now to use the maverick move. The maverick move is usually employed by good looking men because they feel they can get away with it. It works in their favor because now they become intriguing and mysterious. Keep them guessing. Men love a challenge. No bio is a great way to separate yourself and stand out If they want to know more about you and they can ask, Here's a bonus tip from Caroline. 2.0, be fashionably late. I love this. Build the anticipation of meeting you by running a few minutes behind when you show up. Don't apologize for being late. Thank you for waiting. And we're back with Caroline 2.0, survival. You know, survival of the fittest when you're dating on tinder any platform. I found that I did certain things that made dating a little bit easier for me. I would take an uber I don't like to drive at night because of my eyes. That was something that made it easier for me. I had a fight song. I had a Katy Perry fight song. I had many songs that I would listen to before I would step into the tinder dating ring. You had mentioned something to me where you would show up on the date a few minutes late. You know, wind blown like you were a movie star appearing on a set. And I thought that was so funny and so interesting to me because what I would do because I had a shred of self worth, I would get to the place early and do a once over to make sure I didn't have lip gloss on my teeth. And I wasn't, you know, windblown doing that once over to see that I looked. Okay, then I wasn't sitting the 1st 5 minutes into the date wondering if I do have a gloss on my you know, like that would set me off. So I just getting there early and doing once over, put me in a place of power. But you feel showing up late and not even texting them. I kind of like this because you're building anticipation like they're sitting there almost thinking My God, I might potentially gonna be blown off as it happens.

spk_1:   19:00
Yeah, so I like to show up. I mean, I live in downtown Boston most the time I have a guy meet me near where I live because hey, on the driver of the bus. So let's meet near where I am. Good. So I walked to a lot of dates and I like to show up, you know, 5 to 10 minutes late. She probably you know, some people may think it's unethical, but that's how I like to roll about two or so lesson that blocks before I get there. Open my phone. I looked up the selfie camera to make sure I do not have lipstick on my teeth. Smart. Spit out a piece of gum. Take my headphones off where I'm listening to. Usually I'm every woman or something like that. Maybe some Lady Gaga Taylor Swift.

spk_0:   19:40
No, it anything's

spk_1:   19:41
possible. Lots of pump up music. Take off my headphones room in my bag, turn off my phone or silence it and walk in there feeling like a 1,000,000 bucks. And it's so nice to see that person sitting at the bar who you figured out that's the right person, because if you're lay in there already there, you can make for for certain that it's that that's something that I like to dio. And when I get there, I never say I'm sorry for being late. I say Thank you for waiting for me. Changes everything.

spk_0:   20:13
It's home. The presentation, it sure is, but you know, isn't the preparation to

spk_1:   20:18
it. ISS and I used to be self conscious of like Oh, you know, I'd say address a little bit older for a millennial. I love to wear a cardigan. Everybody always laugh, said how much I love cardigans And I used to think, Let me try to dress a little more fancy or B you know, cooler, more hip, as my mother would say. And you know what? I rock those cardigans on dates all the time. I am a cardigan girl. I swear. I walked out of the room womb wearing one, so I'm just gonna keep wearing them. And if they don't like my guardians, they're not the one

spk_0:   20:47
they're not, because I think you have, like, 400 Karzai. Sure, D'oh! And that's okay, that's who you are. And I think it's important to be who you are.

spk_1:   20:57
You have to stay your authentic self on these dates and you know, if I'm out on a date with a introvert and I know that I'm an extrovert, I just I'm staying myself. I'm not trying to be quiet. I'm not trying to change who I am. I am my most authentic self on these dates because the right man will love me for every bit of my strengths in flaws.

spk_0:   21:19
Right? And I remember when you were dating this one guy, you called me and you see Carrie. He talked the entire time. I think he's a narcissist. And I said, Well, you know, my dad loves to tell stories, and he's not a narcissist, and he's just someone who talks, You know? We call him like Teddy Rex. One of my family pulled the string, and he's just gonna tell stories. That person who was talking the whole time, they're the ones knocking themselves out, juggling cats, you know, whipping on a flame thrower. There. They're standing on their head spinning plates, trying to win you over. And by sitting there confidently in your power, listening, you actually have all the control.

spk_1:   22:00
You sure? D'oh! And that was one of the best pieces of advice you ever gave me. Turns out he wasn't Hearse assist in the end, but you never know.

spk_0:   22:09
So your original instinct. You know, you had a lot of questions. You needed to get a couple of these guys under your belt. You needed these many relationships. You needed things to work out. Well, so that's why I was encouraging you. But that was good, because it's a Caroline. You're an excellent listener. Someone is gonna love that, that they can come home from work, just talk and tell you about their day, and you're gonna listen. And you're gonna give great advice because you're an observer and you're very smart. Those

spk_1:   22:40
air strengths. Yes. Yeah. You really do have to elicit on these dates if you want to keep progressing in their relationship. A recently joked with my friend. You know, both these guys I'm dating have two brothers each. So it's easy to remember. If I just could say, has your brother it's gonna work out, and I don't get mixed up. But I mean, in general, really listening is important because saying the next day, you know, how is that big meeting? It just shows that you care. And you really get to know the person If you talk to monitor your dozing off into space imagining. And I'm guilty of this sometimes, you know. Does Caroline Smith sound good? Oh, if that was my last name, what would it? What would it sound like? is my signature gonna be pretty and then come back down to earth. So, I mean, just but listening and not always being the talker ourselves Very important.

spk_0:   23:28
And I think people do that they make up these storylines of what this made up relationship is gonna be. For

spk_1:   23:35
sure. D dreaming is such a gift, but it is also sometimes curse. Right. Have to catch yourself and bring yourself back down to earth.

spk_0:   23:46
So you're running tender, you know, you work the principles of the right witter tender, which is you've created this personal franchise. Exactly. And you work it like a job.

spk_1:   23:56
No bio.

spk_0:   23:57
Wait. We had a discussion over this. Sure did somewhere, and you called me and you're so frantic. And you said

spk_1:   24:05
everyone on Mamo has a bio, and it's asking me why I don't have one too.

spk_0:   24:10
Now you're, like, in It's costing me Carrie. Okay? Like, now you're like, I have proof. I said, Caroline, do you want to be like everybody else? Where do you want to be, Caroline to point out exactly. No bile.

spk_1:   24:23
If they want to know, they can ask.

spk_0:   24:25
And you know what? You are the perfect package you have you checked every box and you're pretty enough to not need a bio,

spk_1:   24:32
Thank you very much. And you have to make sure on that note to I get a lot of I get on dates, and guys will often say You look like your photos. It's so important that you have that beautiful leading photograph and you have those amazing photographs, but be the authentic you and make sure that you have very, you know, realistic photographs to I'm not saying take a selfie when you wake up in the morning with no makeup. I mean, if you never wear makeup, good for you roll with that. But be realistic because eyes will often say, Oh, I get cat fished all the time, which I have learned means girls show up and they look nothing like their profiles. Interesting. Make sure to be yourself.

spk_0:   25:11
I want to talk about why dating in your twenties is so different versus someone you know. I was 43 with a 13 year old, so I dated with no online dating, So I know what it was like to date with a three year old, and I know what it's like to date with a 13 year old, but I don't know what it's like to date in your twenties. Why do you think that there's a difference?

spk_1:   25:32
Yes. So I think that your twenties people are at a lot of different stages. They're either not ready to settle down. They're ready to settle down and they're looking or they've already settled down. This morning I was laughing with you because I went to the orthodontist. Yes, you heard me, right? I went that worth Adan Tous to get a new retainer where every other patient had not driven themselves there was getting braces and was a Tween. And then there was me and they hadn't seen me in over 10 years. And they asked me immediately, You know, do you have Children now? And I thought to myself, I'm just trying to get by in the dating world just a week of my way through tinder looking for that guy

spk_0:   26:07
like I'm just swiping right, waiting for

spk_1:   26:09
my talk for sure. Always swipe all the time. It just shows by having that comment. It's totally reasonable. But everybody's at different stages, and I think a lot of guys in their twenties, especially in Boston, have some serious Peter Pan syndrome where they're not ready to grow up. And there are living like a child there, partying their love in their life, and they're not ready to go anywhere. And they potentially have more time or feel like they have more time. So I think really think what's important dating in your twenties is setting expectations, and I think a lot of the time people will write. Luckily in their profile, looking for something casual for me, I'm looking for something serious to find somebody to build the life with. Hopefully, if somebody is looking for something casual, good for them. I'm glad you know what you want, but it's so important to set your expectations from the onset with somebody. Don't waste your time going out with that guy who's just looking for a hook up if that's not what you want,

spk_0:   27:07
right, because you're not gonna change him because men can't change

spk_1:   27:10
exactly. And that's another big piece of advice you guys gave me. People don't change, and if people are actively figuring out who they are when they're dating, that's great, too. But I would say to the cautious of too much change happening in front of your eyes,

spk_0:   27:28
I always say, just not on my watch, like right. You wanna have this play out? You know, I'm a busy girl. Yeah. You know, there's plenty of people that somebody else there's somebody else s o manager. Your expectations are very important. And where I've seen the most growth with you is where you are a serial dater, and you don't You know, you're running a business. You're running your franchise. You take that very seriously. You're on to the next date, just like you're on to your next job interview. That's impressive. Honestly, if you're gonna dabble or, you know, put very little time into these dating apps, you really shouldn't do them at all.

spk_1:   28:05
You shouldn't. You have to make it a job, and you have to be ready. A lot of my friends will say to me all the time, I'm so impressed with how much time you spend working on this and going on dates and just going for it. And I think a lot of it is just people feel like they don't have enough time if you do it for a couple days just becomes a habit, so go for it. But also it's that fear. You do have to run up this hill. You've gotta get over that fear. But the fear is really you, in your mind talking yourself into something that's probably not that bad. It really have been out there a pin on a lot of days that I can tell you it is not that bad. But you have to get over that hill because the downhill is so much fun and such a fun ride. And it's so much longer than the uphill battle,

spk_0:   28:51
right? And so if you stay at home so you have a couple of bad dates and you're like, Okay, that's enough for May. Well, you're the big loser, and you've just given these men that you will probably wouldn't have dated anyways. All the power

spk_1:   29:03
right? Dating is like it's just it's work, you know, If you want to go catch some fish, you got to go out in the fishing boat and catch the fish. You don't just stand at the dock waiting for the fish to jump out of the water onto the dock. That's not how it happens. but I gotta go get him

spk_0:   29:19
If you want to start a company, if you want to run a marathon, you know you have to eat a certain way of to train certain days. Exactly place of those sneakers and get after it. And

spk_1:   29:29
anything is possible.

spk_0:   29:30
Absolutely, you will find very soon because it's just it's a numbers game. You're taking steps and working it like a job, and you will have success way faster than your friends. Thanks to you, actually millennials of my best students, they truly are, because when they get the information, they get it and they're often running and they don't have the life experience. They haven't had all those insane setbacks that someone older who has been divorced multiple times and, you know, whatever tragedy and trauma that they've lived through, there's like, the world is mine, you know, And I can get whatever I want. And this is mine for the taking. I hope today's program was inspirational and informative, and Caroline, I appreciate you being here. You are my most special rock star and so inspirational E the best.

spk_1:   30:23
Thank you so much, Carrie. And I wish all of you millennials out there a lot of success as well. So go swipe right

spk_0:   30:29
and keep listening. That's great.