Power Of Standing In Your Truth With Xpressman CEO Michelle Cully

I'm Carrie Brett, and this is shot at love. Today's guest is Michelle Kelly. She's the CEO of express meant a trucking incurring company. She created all by herself. There's a side to the successful entrepreneur that you don't know. Michelle found herself in a six year abusive relationship. And despite all of that, she ended up engaged to him. And then out of the blue, he ended it. She was left jobless heartbroken with no money. So she decided to start her own company every day. She would dress to the nines and go with an empty briefcase in her parents' laundry room to create a multimillion dollar business. Michelle even published a book about her life titled high heels in the laundry room. I'd say Michelle's come a long way. Her inspirational story of how she Rose to the top found love. Again is unconventional, but beyond inspirational, you won't want to miss it. So stay tuned.[inaudible] at age 23, Michelle Kelly was nearly destroyed from an abusive relationship and all she had was a high school degree. She not only has a doctorate from new England college, but she also gave the commencement speech in 2019. If Michelle could turn her life around from a place of being tattered and torn to having this amazing life and business, then you can too. And today she's going to inspire and uplift all of us because if she can do it, anyone can do it. Welcome Michelle.

Hi Carrie. Thank you for having me.

It brings up so much emotion with you here, cause it's like, we both overcame a lot of things and these are challenging subjects to talk.

They really are. And it's a subject that I've kept to myself for so long until I decided to write the book and tell my story. I was afraid to tell it. I was afraid to share it because I was afraid to be judged.

Well, I'm glad you did tell it. And so let's talk about your book, high heels in the laundry room. This is how we first met because you hired me to photograph you for the book's cover. And the book is about how you became an accomplished CEO, but your path wasn't easy. You are a survivor of an abusive relationship. You hit rock bottom, hold yourself back up and made a plan to create a multimillion dollar business and a male dominated trucking business. Why is it so important for you to tell your story, to help motivate others? I know you, you just mentioned, he had a lot of fear about writing this book and you kinda got stuck in, what would people think? How would this story affect your business? Can you talk about how fear can hold you back?

Oh, absolutely. Is our worst enemy. I, um, you know, started the company out of necessity. I was tattered and torn. I only had a high school diploma. I had no skills, no money and no direction and truly no life to call my own. So I needed to do something. I needed to change that direction and do something with myself to prove to myself that I could do this, that I wasn't going to let this define me.

It's really amazing. So you get this idea and you go to a staple of didn't usually like stop somewhere and get a calculator pager.

I did when this person that I was dating at the time and when he broke up with me, he looked at me straight in the face and pointed his finger and told me that I would never amount to anything without him. And for that half a second, I believed it. I thought that I was nothing. So there was something inside of me that pulled myself up and I drove down the street and I was driving to my parents' house and I didn't know what I was going to do. But I said to myself in a short drive, I said, how could I let this have happened? Because I allowed it to happen. I could've left at any given time, but I didn't know how to leave. So I did. I drove down the street and I said, I'm going to start my own business today. I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't have any skills, but it's up to me to make these changes. So I drove straight to office max and I bought some supplies for this company that I didn't have a name for.

Well, you have to give yourself a break in a sense. I mean, your sisters, I think it was your friends or sisters had to physically carry you off the couch into your car.

They did, it was my sister, my mother, and my best friend that picked me up and moved me out. And they put me in the back of my sister's car and drove me to my sister's house. And, um, that's where I stayed for a week. And you know, I said to myself that you have one life, one path, one, one chance at this. And it's up to you to do what you need to do to make it better because no, one's going to do it for you.

I think this is what's so powerful about this piece is when you are not only physically abused, but mentally abused, you get so beaten down that, those negative words, you start to believe it's true and that you're worth nothing. And so when you have zero self worth, how did you reframe your belief system about yourself? I mean, that's such a hard thing to overcome.

It is absolutely. And it took a long time. It was not overnight. It was, you know, it was day after day. I would get up and I would walk into that laundry room. And I would say to myself that I've got this, that I can do this, that I have to do this. I don't have any other choices. And so every day I definitely had, you know, I ate rejection with a fork and it would set me back to think that I wasn't good enough. I wasn't smart enough, or I wasn't strong enough, but I wasn't any different than anyone else. I would walk into those office, you know, to those office parks in those meetings. And I would say to myself, like I have to make this happen. And so I would remind myself that I am good enough that I am smart enough and I am strong enough.

You certainly are strong enough. And you created this empire and you often say, you don't know how you did this, but you did it one small step at a time. And I love how you just pick up the phone and cold call people and say, hello, this is Michelle Kelly, will you use my services? And it was no after no. So tell me that story. It's so good.

I, um, so when I decided to open up the company and I went back to my parents' house, so I use the laundry room is my office. And I opened up the yellow pages because that's what we had back in 1993. I date myself when I throw out dates there and I opened up the yellow pages and I started with their particular industry and I would say, hi, my name is Michelle. When she used my services. And truly it was no after. No have to know. And then I finally had someone that said, sure, we'll give you a chance. And I remember yelling out to my mom and she was in the kitchen. Someone's going to use my services. So, um, it was at one chance, it was that one person that believed in my company that had no idea that I was just one person in a laundry room. And I just, you know, I fake it till you make it. And that's what I did. Right.

And you did. And you had this, you grew up in a loving family, which I like to point out because I think a lot of people are raised in a loving family and they find themselves in an unhealthy relationship and it really can happen to anyone. And I know you like to say that you have to build the plane while you fly it.

It's so true though. I'm glad that you pointed out. I do come from an amazing loving family. My mom and dad are still married after 50 years. I'm one of four and I was never around any sort of physical, mental, verbal abuse at all. And I dated someone and it started out so small and I was 16. I was young. I thought he loved me. I thought it was love. And it's, it's sad because you look back now and it's, you know, you look back at yourself and you're saying, how could I have thought that? But when you're with someone and they tell you over and over again, you know that you need to gain weight or you need to wear lipstick, or you need to do this or do that. And you start to believe it when you spend a lot of time with them. And that's how it started in the, the mental abuse turned into the verbal abuse, which then turned into the physical abuse. And by that time it was too late. And I didn't want to tell anybody because had I told anybody, they would never have allowed me to be with them and not being with them in my mind that young age was worse than what I was going through.

Oh my God. And there was no information. So we both support, um, one love. And now there is information.

There is, there is. And you know, one love is a great organization and it's very informative and I love how they get out there. And they reach the younger generation. And with my daughter, I have a daughter and a son, and it could happen to either one of them. I talked to him as often as I can about what the signs are and to be aware and someone being jealous, isn't a sign of love. Someone not wanting you to wear something is not a sign of love. You treat each other with respect and kindness, and that's what we have to do. Right.

I remember how much effort it took to write this book. And, and not even to put the words on onto paper, but it brought up all this emotional things from your past. So you like, you always do. You just keep charging forward. And you're like, I worked so hard on this book deal. I've got it. You know what? We get the photographs, we've got all the branding in place and things happen. Things happen, things happen. And so your book launches, and as you start on your book tour to inspire others, which still you will always do. Um, you find yourself realizing that your second marriage needs to come to an end.

Right? I did. And unfortunately, yes, I did get divorced. I said, I never, I never set out to get divorced once, let alone twice. And I struggled with it because I didn't want to feel like I was being labeled as someone that was a failure. She got divorced once now twice. And that stigma of just the word divorce alone is sometimes you feel like you are being judged from the outside world. And I realized that it wasn't working for me. It wasn't working for him. And it was just not a place that neither one of us should stay in. Right.

And getting divorced and telling the truth, takes courage and strength. And it's, it's interesting how that stigma can hold you back and hold you from being strong for yourself.

Absolutely. You know, it definitely held me back for a little bit. And then I realized that none of us are perfect. Perfection doesn't exist. And I realized this wasn't working for either one of us. And it was best that we decided to end the relationship. We struggle as women or as men with the word divorce. However, I had to embrace it and realize that this is my journey, and this is what I need to do to make myself happy, to be a better mother, to be a better boss, to be a better friend. Right.

And what this pandemic, I feel like people realize that life is short and it's shorter than we think. And I believe in the divine timing of things. So when I first started this podcast, you were one of the first guests that I wanted on season one. And when I had asked you to be a guest, you said that you're a busy, and I had no idea that you're selling your house, dealing with all the hard, awful things divorce brings, but now you're back and better than ever. And this book is so meaningful and the divorce was the final piece in the power of standing in your truth. And so this second divorce is part of your story and it certainly doesn't take away from all your accomplishments. Now you just have another level where you can connect with others and motivate them to keep going. No matter how challenging the point is is that you're having,

I am it doesn't define who I am. It doesn't define my character. It's just something that in my life wasn't working. Right.

So, I mean, it's no secret that I got divorced. And then I had another failed relationship. That doesn't mean that I'm not going to do a great job when I photograph, you know exactly why they do. I

Don't know. I think that in this world, everyone tries to be perfect. Like I said, and perfection doesn't exist. And if, if we wait to be perfect, we'll be waiting forever. And so this is unfortunately out there with all the social media, people portray themselves to have these amazing, wonderful lives. And if they do, that's fantastic. But sometimes we set ourselves up to live in those same expectations. And we don't, the reality is most of us don't, we all struggle in different ways, right? And we, and it's not a race. It's not, it's not a race when we get there when we get there. And I think Michelle, one of the best things about you is that your honesty own all your successes and failures. I do. I have a lot of them. I've got a lot of ups and downs in life. I do, but it's what makes us who we are. It makes us stronger. I mean, for me personally, it drives me to want to be a better person, or like I said, a better mom or a better boss or a better friend. Right. And your story will help a lot of people because there's an awful lot of all the things that you've encountered happening in today's world, especially in the crisis situation that we're in right now. Well, we're going to take a short break, but when we come back, Michelle Callie will show us how to change the belief system about ourselves, how to build back our confidence and finding the strength to get back out there.

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And we're back with Michelle Collie, Michelle like myself, your business and your personal life. I mean, you're one, one entity that one brand. So how did you continue to work and change your belief system about yourself and build your confidence back after you were told that you were nothing great question. And I get that question quite often. But as I said, in one of my lessons in my book is you have to build a plane while you fly it, which you mentioned earlier. It's so true. I, I had to pull a seat up at the table, myself. I just shake off the naysayers. I had to take the risks and I had to take the chances. I did not understand a hundred percent of what I was doing, but I had to do it anyways. I didn't flee from fare. I embraced it, right. I may not have had all the answers this skills, but you'll never get them until you try. So every day I would have to tell myself to shake off the naysayers, pull that seat up, walk into that, that, that room, make that sales pitch and do the best that you can. And if they don't believe it and they don't buy your services, that's okay. We'll move on to the next one. So every day I would have to do that, but I did it by putting those high heels on. And, um, I dressed the part I had to play the part to be the part,

Right. And then click, click, click, and click,

Click into the laundry room. It's just me and the phone.

And so I think one of your best qualities is you believe in dressing for success and you dressed up in a suit and heels with an empty briefcase. And, but it's true. If you feel good, then you look good and you do better. And you believe what you wear matters. How has dressing for success paid off for you?

It has given me the confidence. I mean, I would truly get dressed in a high heels and suit. I mean, I may, I wore the same suit every day because I didn't have any money at the time, but I would walk into that laundry room and I would click, click, click, and I would sit there on the bumper pool table, just me and myself and I, and I felt like I was powerful. I felt like I was a business woman and that's what I did every day.

So that's really how you pulled yourself back up off the floor and that moment of canceling your way out. And can't see the forest through the trees is really my why of this podcast, because I didn't have any information about online dating. I didn't have anyone to say, Hey, you know what, Carrie, you, if you took a shower and you went on a date after date and went into Boston and put some makeup on and stop looking like a homeless person, you would actually feel better and you probably have a greater chance of meeting.

You know what? You're taken more seriously. Um, when I walked into those meetings and I had that suit on, I truly looked the part.

Will you tell the story in your book, how you pulled yourself back up after you got out of the relationship when you were 23 and now you've had to do it again, as you just navigated divorce, it's not really any different,

Not it's really not. Again. You have your days where you have self doubt, you have days that, you know, that was the best decision you've made, but, um, you know, every day gets better every day you get stronger every day. You believe in yourself a little bit more. Yeah.

Right. And I know a lot of people will say to me, I'm just not ready. I'm, I'm a disaster. I'm a mess who's going to want to sign on with me. And I don't believe that.

I don't believe that either. I don't, again, I go back to saying, it's just an excuse. And if you keep waiting, you will be waiting forever and no one's going to come to you. You need to make yourself available. You have to free yourself of those, that self doubt, the negativity, and just believe in yourself,

Right. It's hard to do.

It is. It's very hard to do. And believe me, it's taken me a long time to be able to say these words and believe them. But yeah,

You always, no matter what believed in yourself somewhere, there was a little piece of you down deep, you knew you needed to have confidence and confidence was necessary to succeed. Anyway,

Carrie, if I may say as well, um, I also would say to myself, and I still say this today, you have one life. You have one chance, one goal around and it's up to you to make it whatever you want it to be. You are put here on this earth. It doesn't matter what religion you are, who you believe in, or don't believe in. You truly have one life. So you have to make the most of it.

Right. But it's that fear again. And so people who are out dating, it's the fear of the unknown it's well, they like the way I look,

But you know what, it's the, what ifs and the, what ifs will kill your dreams.

Right? And I got into points in my life where it was like, I didn't even have any dreams anymore. You know? It was like, so then there, and that's when you stop having dreams and

It's a scary place that you go to in your head, but then you have to keep reminding yourself that you can do this. Right. You've got this

And rejection is good for you. Cause it makes you stronger. Absolutely. I feel like you should be like lifting weights.

Like I said, I truly ate rejection with a fork every day, day after day night after night, I did. I got so used to it to the point where it, it made me stronger, inspired me. It pushed me. It like pushed me beyond my limits. I just, I wasn't going to do it anymore. I was going to take control of my own life.

You've never, I've never seen a person. Like you who's never let a no not bother you. I mean, you're just like, okay, next I'm going to make another cold call. Exactly. And even during your darkest days, nothing held you back. Is this a skill you were born with or you just, you just always work at it.

You know what? Um, I it's just something I always work out. It's something that, again, I'll go back to the beginning of this podcast that I can only change it. No one else can do it. So if I sit around, I will be waiting forever and it's not something I'm willing to do.

Right. So I want to talk about obstacles because once people, what I've seen and the people that I help when they get a couple of rejections or get ghosted, then it really deters them off course. And then they get frustrated and they take a break and taking a break on these dating apps is that your, you know, months go by. And so you are really good about navigating obstacles. Are you using the skills that you've had always had in your business through this pandemic? Or have you learned even more skills during this challenging time?

I've definitely learned to be patient. I have much more. I have a lot more patience. I've learned to sort of take a step back and realize that some things in life are just isn't as important as I thought they were. I think we all have done that. Yeah, absolutely. I've learned to make the most of my time without having to go out and have a million other things going on. So I've learned to prioritize a little bit differently. Yeah.

I think we all have, I mean, we spoke earlier today, all the stuff that we had to have, you know, we had, we don't have all those things now and what you own since you just sold your house and got divorced and made all these big changes, which is emotional. Absolutely. You know, that's that, that's very stressful. Don't kid yourself. And I think this is an important thing because a lot of people are learning this while experiencing so much loss during COVID that you are a successful CEO of express men and you own a 33

30, 3000 square foot building

With over a hundred drivers who deliver packages across the country. So it's safe to say that the laundry rooms history. Yes. But what you've learned about the experiences and the things that happened in your life, that sometimes you're on top of the mountain and sometimes you're back at the bottom. Absolutely. And you have to climb your way back up

To the top. You got that right. Every day. It's like that.

You're kind of like, whatever, like you're pretty tough. Yeah. I have to be so mean. It's impressive. It really is. You're amazing. Thanks. So Michelle, you're such an inspiration for so many reasons. The one thing I admire about you is that you are a true entrepreneur and you always take chances. I love that you weren't afraid to take chances. And I think you need to be willing to roll the dice and take those chances in life. And I believe it's the same as business, as in love that you have to have that same determination to find love. Don't you agree?

Absolutely. Everybody wants to be in love.

Right. And it's like, I want to be treated well. I want to be in a happy, fulfilled relationship. Right. And you've gone through so many things you've gone this far. I think he deserves.

I think I do too.

And I think everyone has to remind themselves that they are

Worth it. Everybody's worth it. Absolutely. Totally.

Michelle, thank you so much for showing us all how to pick ourselves back up, believe in yourself and take a chance on yourself because you can do it. If you don't take a chance on yourself, you'll never know what's truly possible. Michelle. Now that you're back out there, where can people find you and buy your book?

Thank you so much first. Thank you so much for having me. It's been a pleasure. I could sit here and talk to you all night long. I have to do a part. We're doing this again. Absolutely. I have so much more to say. Um, you can buy the book on Amazon. So it's Michelle Collie and it's high heels in the laundry.

Great. Well, you are the best and I'm so glad you finally made it to Charlotte. Thank you for having me. And I'm so proud. And for now this week's Tinder tips. And in honor of today's guest, Michelle Kelly, these tips come directly from her. Number one, sometimes in life, you need to build the plane as you fly it. Number two, failure is not a four letter word. Number three, our insecurities create blind spots. Our strengths allow us to see through them. Number four, sometimes the best motivation is the desire to prove others wrong. Number five, don't avoid the hard road. That's the road that will make you Stay tuned for Michelle Collie. Part two. This is what shot at love is here for, to help you find love. Keep up that commitment to yourself and commit helping someone else by sharing this podcast. Remember to stay safe and stay tuned for more episodes. If you'd like me to photograph you for your online dating profile, sign up for my shot at love promotion. Please DM me on Instagram. Or you can find me on my website, Carrie Brett, lifestyle, portraits.com. If you like this show, please leave a five star review. I'm Carrie Brett, and we'll see ya. Next time.

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