Strategy Of Dating With Business Coach Michelle Oliver

I'm Carrie Brett, and this is shot at love. Today's guest is Michelle Oliver and she's an entrepreneur. Who's been building small businesses for over three decades. She's also a business consultant and coach. If you're going through a major life transition and needs some direction, this episode it's for you, you don't have to let past failures define you regardless of how you feel about yourself or the mistakes you've made. You can take things to the next level and pull in a healthy relationship. We'll discuss how you can use the same principles that it takes to build a business, to create personal development and find success within relationships. When we come back, Michelle will explain what she's learned in the trenches of dating while sharing her guidance and real life inspiration. So you can be your best self during your journey of finding love. You won't wanna miss it. So stay tuned. Michelle Oliver's business, help women to believe in themselves and build the business of their dreams. She specializes in guiding women in their forties and fifties. We're at a point in their lives where they're ready to commit to change and willing to go in directions. They didn't believe were possible through her coaching and consulting. Michelle provides resources, support, collabo, and community, which allows you to move quickly and efficiently in achieving your new goals today. Michelle and I will discuss why it makes sense to apply the same principles when looking for love, just like you would in a successful business endeavor, why finding a relationship can be easier and less stressful than you think while reminding you that it's not too late to start your own business or find love because you can have it all. So without further ado, welcome to shot at love Michelle Oliver.

Hey Carrie, it's so exciting to be here and thank you so much for having me.

This is gonna be fun. So can you tell the listeners or give the listeners and view of your story and why you're so inspired to help empower women in business?

Absolutely. So I grew several small businesses while I was married, but I was with the same person for a very long time. I got divorced when I was 54 and I started dating him when I was 19. So when I came out of that marriage dating was a very unique experience for me. It had been, I hadn't dated since I was, I guess, 17 years old. And I, although I was growing a business when I divorced and I was able to successfully sell that business, I have started three businesses in the last six years. And I just think there are a lot of commonalities between business and dating, at least in my experience.

So when you found yourself at 54 single, how did you approach dating?

Well, it didn't occur to me that dating would be even an option. So, um,<laugh>, I really thought I was really too old. It just never occurred to me until I went away on a girl's weekend. And, um, my girlfriends created several dating profiles for me. And the next morning when I woke up there were like, I, I mean, I'm sure your list nurse can relate to this when you first get on there. And then I think I had like 250 emails and requests and I mean, it was crazy. So we chose 10 of those men and out of three different dating profiles. And I decided to, to start engaging with them. And it was like walking into an entirely new world. I had no idea what it was going to be

Like. Yeah, it is kind of like the Twilight zone. Like you're like, wow, I actually have all this opportunity. I heard a recent statistic that 80% cent of the new relationships that have happened in 2020 were found online. And I, I always knew the power of online dating, but people are just really embracing it now, which I think is really cool. So finding love is very similar to business. It's<affirmative>, you know, you're, it's almost like a business interview in the beginning. And so I want to show how, and I think people get in their head and if, if they're a business person and I help them frame it, like it's just a business interview, then it takes away a lot of the anxiety. So tell me a, how did you get started or what, what would you say is the basis of being a good business coach? What, what makes you successful or separates you from the rest?

I think being a good business coach is really about, I think everything is about relationships, honestly, and this may, may also relate to dating, but there is so much content and information out there available at our fingertips right now, resources, classes, courses. I mean it's everywhere and it can be very confusing for people. So if a woman, by the time a woman is late forties, early fifties, I'm even working with people who are starting businesses over the age of 60. They have an opportunity to be incredibly successful because of their experience, their skill, their interpersonal skills actually bring a lot of value to any business. And each woman is very distinctly different, but the information overload can actually be a deterrent to being successful. So I believe I've been able to be successful and help these women become successful because I connect with them. I understand what their roadblock will be. And although I provide very concrete strategies and tactics, which, which all are determined by, you know, where they wanna go, what type of business, every business is, is distinctly different. But the real power comes in being able to take the actions that are going to make a difference quickly. And in my experience, you, you have to win as quickly as possible, move as fast as you can fail fast.<laugh> because it's inevitable. See everything you want is not going to work perfectly. So it's really the relationships that I build with them. I, I become very intimate in understanding what their roadblocks are. And I would say carry that 95% of it is mindset. It's emotional, it's mental and it's habits. And the ability to quickly take the actions that are going to move you to the result that you want.

Right? I agree that in business, you have to move quickly. You have to make decisions quickly because time is money. And so one of your principles is you believe you're gonna get knocked down and hurt regardless. So you, you just feel like you've gotta move and take action. And so a lot of it is feel the fear and do it anyways. And it is so, so much of success in any success, whether it's online, dating or business is always your mindset. Can you tell us? So I think what you have to offer is so much life experience. And so when you get a little bit older, it's true, you become wiser and you also realize that life is happening now, and this isn't a test. And so one of the things that you say is you, this is an a beta test. You need to act in business like it's already working. And I think that's so important too, when you're online dating. And I think we had a conversation where some people are like, well, I've joined online dating, but I'm not sure if it will work or you've been on dates where people are like, I haven't had much luck. Have you been on bad dates? Or what has your experience been like? So when you are hesitant or questioning, that's an energetic and, and you really cannot afford to be that way on a dating app. Like you have to just be a positive winner all the time. And there aren't any shortcuts when you, when you build a business, right? You don't just, there's no overnight successes for the most part. Mm-hmm<affirmative>. I feel that online dating is the same way. If you show up consistently and you keep trying you'll have results, would you say that's the, the same advice you would give the women that you coach?

Yes. I mean, I think there are two primary issues that the women that I work with have that could easily be applied to dating. And the first one is you have to believe that what you want to do has value. So often the women who are starting businesses, they may be six figure earners. They may be in corporate and they finally are just done with it and they leave. You know, they, like you said, we've had experience. So you may be divorced. You've had pain, you've had deaths, you've lived some life. So by the time you come around to the, even the question, do I want to start a business? Am I really ready to, to take this entrepreneurial leap into the unknown and bet on myself, that is a completely different level of intention than working for someone else. And there's a level of comfort where they are coming from. So that the two things that I'm speaking of, number one, is believing that, that thing in your heart, that idea in your head is worth betting on, right? It's like, can I really value myself to, to take this leap and go all in? Because if you don't have the belief, then it's just going to be very pain and you, it won't work. You have to be so married to your vision and your idea that you're willing to fail quickly in whatev, and I'm not predicting failure. I'm just saying that like every marketing effort, isn't gonna be the ringer. That's gonna get you where you wanna go. Right. And then the second thing is really what I already mentioned, the comfort level, because many women have a certain degree of ease. Um, and it's not always, it it's E it's almost easier to retract and contract back to that cocoon or where you feel your comfort zone has kind of worked for so many years. You know, you're not, you don't have, if you're back against the wall. So I think in dating too, it's really easy. Like it's easy to be non-committal and just kind of put your toe in the water. When I know when I started dating, I think one of the things that allowed me to have a lot of experience quickly is that I perceived it as a prospect. Like I I've been in sales my whole life, so I just thought, okay, well, if it doesn't work out, it's cool because you know, they might be a business opportunity or they may know someone else that that might be a good fit for me. So I saw it as lead gen kind of, I mean, that sounds really bad. No, I love

That.

I love it. This kind, kind of a, you know, like I can't get hurt. It gave me a framework to protect myself within emotionally. Like when I look back, like, I wasn't, I wasn't showing up like, oh, you are evaluating me. It was more like, let's just see where this goes. Right.

<laugh> yeah. So, I mean, I kind of look, definitely looked at it like a prospect, or if it didn't work out, I would make a friend or I would have a new business opportunity and yes, and I think that's a win-win scenario, but I love what you say about people who that need to be married to their vision. And it is the women who is back. Is it up against the wall? Mm-hmm,<affirmative> that, they're the ones who will win in business. And for me, I was joking the other night to one of my friends and I said, you know, it was just not an option for me to be single. And, and they said why? And I said, cuz I need a chaperone.

Yeah. Cause it's more, that's hilarious. It's absolutely true though.

Yes, I do go on and I needed like a manager. I, I, I just didn't do well. I mean, I, I, I managed, but I always did better in part mm-hmm<affirmative>. And so for me it was a non-negotiable and I was going to stay with it until I was successful and I did not quit on myself. And I think, mm, I think you really need to bet on yourself and not quit. Would you say,

I think you learn. I totally agree. I mean, you, although I, I definitely kind of quit and then restart, which I think is very common. Um, I do think that we learned so much about ourselves, right? Even like I see business, honestly, that the, the end result of having a successful business is only my, the carrot. Like that's what we go after. But so, and it sounds kind of cliche and corny that the joy is in the journey because the pain is in the journey, but the life is about expansion. Right. And, and what I see when we are building a business is the person we become all of the skills and, um, opportunities that we step into to be a better version of who we are. And I think it's true with dating as well. Like the first time I w I went, I was like, oh my gosh, people actually think I'm worth dating. And then you realize, wait a second, those aren't the people I want to think this way. Right. And you become more discerning and then you make better decisions. And then you have more opportunities. And I mean, I'm met a lot of really, really nice people, but you learn where you are. Like, I didn't even know where I was. I didn't even know what I wanted. Right. And I think there are times when it's true in business as well. You know, you want success, you know, you want to be of service. You know, you want to provide value to the marketplace. Well, wherever that is for you. And, but as you go, you tweak things and sometimes you have to let go of products that aren't working, just like, you know, the dating pool is kinda like this one isn't really working, so right. Let's try again.<laugh>

So you figure it out and mean you don't know what, what you want unless you're out dating. And it's a good way to test the market. Right. I mean,

That's what you absolutely. Yeah.

But it's all in your approach. So you talk about building the structure of a business and you mention the scaffolding, the utter piece of the business, but it's up to the business owner to step into that leadership role. So yes, the same is true. When you step into the dating arena, like, are you gonna run this dating app? Like a boss mm-hmm<affirmative> and if you do, and you show up in a big way, you'll succeed, but you can approach dating halfheartedly. Don't you agree?

Yes. I mean, I believe that, I mean, every woman is different, right. But I know a lot of very successful women in business who fall apart when it comes to relationships. I mean, it's quite interesting. I get to know these women very well, and we just, it, it comes, I truly carry believe it comes down to the value that we put on ourselves. The other thing I think is worth mentioning is that in business, I notice different. I, I talk to a lot. Okay. And I do notice that some women, especially the ones that come out of corporate, and then they want to start their own business. Some of them have adapted a very masculine way of becoming successful because they had to fight within corporate America. Right. And having your own business is an entirely different thing. You have more freedom to just be whoever you are, feminine, masculine, whatever. But, um, when you're, you're interacting in a dating area, you really want to bring who you are to like, I don't know if I can, if I can articulate this, but it's really bringing your femininity to the conversation while maintaining clarity about what you want and really good bound. And what I see is like women totally collapsing and they wind up in very bad relationships be, but their business is running amazingly well. So I think it's just really interesting where our vulnerability is and how we have to learn to become more neutral and balanced and self aware. And the only way I know how to become more self aware is to practice like show up and do it.

Right. It's true. I mean, you can't be good at something you don't do. I've seen this too super successful business people, business women, I'm like, okay, you take care of everybody. You take care of your children and the dog and run this huge company. I think you can date, like what you do, all these incredible things. And you're a warrior every day. Why is this a block for you? And I think it's limiting beliefs and it's fear. It's, it's a lot of fear and we all are fighting battles in our minds and, and they are just storylines. They're not real. They're not true. And we create these limiting beliefs so that we think it's helping our cause because it's a protection, but it really just hold you back.<affirmative>. And so with your support and your coaching, you remind people of their business idea and their value. And you're such a sounding board during this challenging process. So I think everybody needs a coach. I really do because we, their own way. What do you think that most people value about the work that you do?

Well, I think I try to bring the value that I didn't have. And I did as women. We often really believe we can do it all because we do so much. And we think we can, we can manage everything, handle everything on our own. And I did that for many years. It was painful. And that's why, honestly, that's completely 100% why I do what I do. I want women to build businesses. I want them, it solves a lot of problems. And I want them to build in a fun, fast way. First of all, by the time you're 40, 50, 60, whatever, you don't have that much time left. So there is a of urgency to create something that has been on your mind and in your heart for maybe decades, right. Things you didn't, you just weren't able to complete. And I know what it's like to want that. And I know what it's like to struggle to make it happen. And so much of what I went through was unnecessary. When I finally hired a coach, it was such a relief to understand that I wasn't a crazy person. Like why am I even making it so hard? And it's probably true in dating too, because now you've got me thinking in both, um, both directions. But, um, um, well, that's the things I, I was thinking about yesterday is how we say we are afraid of failure. And we say, we are afraid of rejection. So in business it might be, you know, I'm just too afraid. It's not gonna work. Or in sales, I'm afraid of rejection or dating. But when I get intimate with these women and talking about that, where you really are and where you really, really wanna go, I wonder how much of it is just allowing ourselves to feel what it would feel like if we had love or if we really were successful. Like when you, you just sit there, we are the ones that are resisting it inside of us. Like no one is telling us you are not worthy. It's, it's just that demon in your head. Right. It's those limiting beliefs. So when you start being willing to just tell yourself and allow yourself to enjoy what's happening in the moment, like it's like with the guys, I would say, okay, I'm on this date and I, and I'm enjoying it, but I'm evaluating, well, if I could only have this piece from this guy, this piece, from that guy,<laugh>, you know, and they would come together into like one, but it takes five of them to make the perfect guy. But if you're always looking for what's right about the situation and just in business too, like instead of, oh my God, I failed. I'm crawling into bed for the day. It's like, wait a second. What was right about this? What worked here and how do I focus on what is working and span that? And I think that we attract that too, with just all humans in our lives, like looking at what's working, what's good about this person. And that will grow. Whether it's with that human or, you know, maybe, maybe there is the guy out there that has all those qualities. I don't know yet.

Well, you're open. See, you have to yeah. Expect that it will happen. And you talk about taking a chance on love and then why sometimes you just have to believe in magic<laugh>

Yes, absolutely. You are believing in magic when you start a business. Okay. Like what I, I would define magic as the desire in your heart.<laugh> that is married to the intelligence of your brain. Like head heart coordination is really a thing. You have to have both, right? Because the only way to actually execute on the necessary strategy to have a successful business, I believe is to be so passionate. And like I said, married to your vision, that you are driven to take actions that are not comfortable. Everything that's gonna make a difference in your business. I guarantee is going to be outside of your comfort zone. And you can either be driven by pain, or you can be pull, you can pull yourself by your vision and you can pull everyone else that you need. When you're that married to your vision, it just start it's. It is magic. You start attract, I've done it repeatedly. You start attracting people. The, the staff that I've been able to build every time I had a, a team, I mean, I couldn't send them home. Even when I couldn't pay them, they would, they don't want to go because people need a mission. They need a purpose. They want a reason. A lot of people have lost that if you can provide that for people. And I think with dating, it's true too. Like, I think if you have clarity on where you want to go, you bring out the best in other people. No one is perfect. Like, you know, we're all just out there living and, and the magic is believing in what you want and then being willing to take the risk to make it happen.

Well, if you wouldn't have that dream and you wouldn't have that, that certain thing weighing on your heart, if you weren't supposed to achieve it.

Exactly. I completely agree. I believe that 1000%.

And when you start a business, you plan on succeeding, not failing. And it's that, you know, I'm gonna make this happen attitude that you have to have, and you totally need to have it when dating and, and trying to find love. And I think you've gotta get clear around who you are and why you're worthy of love and get clear about the type of person you'd like to attract. How important is getting clear, How great would it be to find the love of your life, the man of your dreams. Do you believe online dating would work if you had the right tools to be successful? Well, I have exciting news. I've created your best shot at love masterclass. I cannot wait to share with you. What's worked for me in my life. And for many of my clients that have helped over the years. If you enroll in this class, you have a winning mindset and believe in getting help before you start something new. If you're ready to see changes in your dating life and wanna take action, check out my free webinar at shot, love.co. If you decide you're going to choose another path that you're worth it, and you're willing to enroll in the masterclass, you can also register at shot, love.co. I designed this masterclass specifically for you to be successful. Please know that everything you're going to learn in these nine modules and six coaching calls has been carefully curated for you. So you can gain the success you truly want. I will be there for you the whole time. In the meantime, I wish you all of the success. And I can't wait to hear about your story of finding love. I'm Carrie, Brett, and I will be your mentor and friend through this incredible journey.

It's everything. It's everything. I mean, I, I know you just asked me about business, but I just had this memory of a date I went on. Can I share that? Sure, sure. So I think that when you are really, and it, it relates to clarity, but when you are really clear about the qualities that you want in your business, and you're really clear about the qualities you want in a romantic relationship, I went on a, then you, you, you're not on such a roller coaster because you know, you're going to go there, right? You've decided this is where I'm going with my business, or this is what I want in a person, a man, or whatever you, whatever you want. Um, and then getting there, the ups and downs of getting there, don't stall you out so much, like with your business, you just know, okay, I'm gonna figure this out. Like, to me, it's always a puzzle that didn't work. Okay, whatever, let's move on. Let's move quickly. Let's just go. We're going, we're going. Let's go. And I went on this date where this guy was, um, I really liked him on the phone. And then he was very clear. He'd been, he was very skilled at, at what he wanted and he had a checklist and I'm just not really like that. Like, I don't put people through that drill, but he said, let's meet at six o'clock on a Sunday morning and we'll go for a walk around my golf course. And so I thought that's kind of a little bit weird, but I go walking every Sunday morning anyway, so no problem I'll do it. And then we went and he, he started saying things to me, oh, I love that. You're tall. Oh, you're brunette that's. And he saying these things out loud, right? I love that you have long dark hair. I love that. You can keep up with my stride when we're walking. And, and so I was a very good conversationalist. And by the time we finished the entire, however long that golf, it was kind of a long golf course.<laugh><laugh>. But when we came back and then he, he literally out loud told me all the check boxes that I fulfilled for him. And then he said, just take off your sunglasses and let's take, I I'll take off mine. I was like, okay. So we take over sunglasses. And I looked at him and, and he was like, wow, it's, I'm so glad you came. And, um, would you like to hike to the top of this mountain with me next week? And I was like, oh my God, it was just it so humorous to me. Like, I wasn't insulted, I wasn't hurt. I just knew this guy really wasn't gonna be my guy. Cuz there were a lot of good things about him, but I didn't wanna be, I didn't wanna be tested. I didn't want to be tested physically with my physical agility<laugh> right. Right. So, so my point is that weird things always happen when you're dating. Like it's just weird, but it doesn't have to affect you. Like I just was like, well it was a nice morning. You know, I, I took it for the value that it was and I learned something about that and I learned something about myself,

Right? Well, this is where you use your business principles and you learned to date strategically. And so when it's not a fit, you move on quickly and you don't. Yeah. You don't get hung up on it and right. You just keep strategically moving forward.

Correct? Yes. And I, I, I, I love that. Yeah. I think, um, I have a client who is very successful in business and she calls me every time she has a Tinder incident and um, I can't believe it. I can't believe what will drag her to tears. Mm. It it's quite insane because in her business she would never, she would never act that way. She, but there are, you know, we've got childhood wounds and um, the limiting beliefs you are talking about. So I do think there's probably, unfortunately I think we heal through the, the relationships and interactions that we have. So the more self-awareness we can have around, like who we are, what our, what our wounds are, whatever, um, and love our, through that. That's a real piece of it. And being, you know, just accepting where we are. But again, it always comes back to what is your value? What boundaries are you willing to set? How much pain? And that's why it's a big question. How much pain are you willing to go through? And that truly is why we and I hired a coach. The pain was so much less because she had more insight. And that's why people should hire dating coaches.<laugh> yeah. I'm saying this to myself. I've never done that, but people that just can see the next step of the trail where you've not yet gone yourself or sometimes they can see it, even if they haven't gone there, they can see what's going on with you because we're so blind to our own, you know, story, our, um, story. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. We don't wanna see it. I don't even wanna say it, I guess.

Yeah, no, it's true. I can see it. It very clearly because I have a lot of experience on these dating apps, but I think people get tripped up really easily and they create a lot of drama and energy and negative association with online dating. And I think the same thing happens in business. You said that business can be either complex or simple and that people often wait to build a business and it's just really how you approach it, you know? Yes. I just think, I, I see that like most people spend an awful lot of time talking about joining. Well, if you're talking about joining it's time to join<laugh> that's what I think. So, yes. What would your advice be for people who just wait too long to start anything

You're gonna run out of time? Mm. You, you will run out of time to it's like the end of the year is coming, you know, and we were talking in earlier about how getting a jumpstart on the new year and I'm doing that by being clear. Just what you mentioned earlier, it's about clarity. What do I want next year? And how am I setting myself up for that? How important is it really to you to do whatever to like at the end of the year, you wanna close all the loops, right? You wanna finish as many things. So you can go fresh into 20, 22 with energy and just by gaining clarity and reorganizing everything in your life. So that you're moving in that direction. The, the energy that you will have is incredible. I see this with women all the time. They're like, I just don't know my husband left. I'm here. I'm there. It's all this trauma. You know what, so I understand there is no, oh one that I know that hasn't been through some type of very painful experience by the time you are, for sure. My age and for many of us, it, it that's what life is. So the quicker you can decide, what do I really, I mean, such a simple question, right? Even with dating, like what do I really want? You'd be surprised how difficult it is for people to answer that question. And if you have a business inside of you, if you have a desire to build something or you have a, or to be married or whatever, like for me being married, isn't a thing. Like, I, I don't even care about that, but companionship someone to enjoy different experiences. That's the thing, you know, especially when your kids, my son is my youngest son is in his senior year of high school. And so he will leave the year will end. Right.<laugh> time rolls on. Yeah. And my advice is like, if there's anything you want take it, right? Like don't, don't wait for someone to tell you. It's okay. Don't wait for someone to say, you know what? I think you actually really matter. And your dreams, you know, they are something you have to be willing to believe that if it's in your head and in your heart, it was meant to be right. You're the one that's meant to complete it. It's about you, your life. Take it, make it happen. Let's go. Right.

Right. No, it, I love what you said about mattering because when you decide that you matter, the world responds to you differently. Yes. And I think people, they always had it all along. Like they, they, they had what it took, but just don't give themselves credit. What would your advice be for women around trusting yourself and your abilities?

You have to believe that if it is inside your heart, you are destined to make materialize it. And you have to believe that if it's in your heart, you can figure it out and you don't have to do it alone. Right. It wouldn't be there. We spend our entire lives trying to fit into everybody. I mean, it's a very cliche thing, right. But we spend our entire lives trying to fit into the frameworks that are given to us. And we see in our world today that all of these frameworks are falling apart and people are afraid and they are contracting. And I think because I, I just was one, I am one of those kind of born entrepreneurial personalities. When things start to follow apart, I get excited because I know that creativity comes from a parent chaos. And as long as you get clear on what you want, you can take any amount of apparent chaos and create it into what you want. Like that's what we're supposed to do.<laugh> right. It's if it feels complicated, step into it and see it as an opportunity and opportunity, uh, they are everywhere, right? You just have to trust your heart. And again, like head and heart integration, you, you can do it. Believe me, if I can do it, I failed so many times and I didn't have to, like, I, I, I kept trying to hide what I was doing because I didn't think anybody else would believe in me. And when I finally was in a situation where people invested like a lot of money in me and I invested a lot of money in other people to guide me, wow,<laugh>, that's the magic. So put yourself out there and you will, you will attract the right people. I guarantee it. I've, I've done it. I get it. I it's true. Right?

Well, that's what people have a big question about is how do you attract the right people? How do you draw in that person? And I think it's goes around marketing and how you advertise yourself, how you hold yourself. It's the packaging. I'm always stressing the importance of the photographs and that first date and how you talk about yourself and all those things back in. So What do you look for, or what do you try to zone in on with the women that you work with so that they can reach their goals

In terms of what they do to build a business? You mean, well, like the

Strategy or, or the pay, you know, the marketing, how they market their business or themselves. Oh,

Yes, yes. Okay. Good question. So Carrie, I thi this goes back to, you can have the perfect Strat. I can't tell you how many hours I have put into when I was just helping people with their marketing. A few years ago, how many hours I would put into developing the perfect ideal marketing strategy, which is, can be extraordinarily overwhelming. And the thing about marketing is you have to test constantly like you have to be willing to test all the time. And I think I'm gonna be very honest here. Okay. That beyond all of the ideal business bloop and the plans and all of that is important, but it's the people that you are connecting with. Like you can, whatever how perfect your product is and how you can deliver. And I know systems and operations and all of that really, really, really matters, but I've also seen companies go out of business because they focus so much on the next new manual that they didn't build relationships. So I don't care. I mean, I spent years cold calling. I think you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to meet people and build relationships. And often that could be initially picking up the phone with older women. Usually you have a network of people and you can use friends and family to support you and to sell to, you know, you do whatever it takes to get the word out about what you're doing. It's about who it's not so much about what it's about, who, who you can help and who can help you help those people.

Right? Right. So people buy from people they like know and trust, and it's all about the relationships and, and how strong you are around your mission and your product. Mm-hmm,<affirmative>, it, it is your leave system, but it also is the mindset and trusting the process that if you work hard, if you put yourself out there, if you keep dating, it will work out. And I think you have a really good, positive attitude. I would say around things, working out like you believe the world is a good place. And in the end, everything's gonna work out to your benefit. Why do you think it's so important to remain positive and look at every, you said it earlier in this episode, you said, I looked at every date as a sales prospect. So mm-hmm,<affirmative> why should you look at every, every chance meeting as a win

Because the world is a good, magical place. And I default to that because here's what happens if you don't default to that, what happens? It, I, I had an incredible conversation with a woman the other day that, that she had a terrible things happen to her. And then she said, I spent a week day drinking on the couch. And I just thought that was so funny. And I thought, you know, some people spend like 10 years doing that. So the reason I think it is so important to believe that things are going to work out in the end is because whether they do or whether they don't is not in your control, the only thing that is in your you, your control is how quickly you engage with life on the terms that are based on your core values. And if like my values involve having fun and serving other people and enjoying what's happening, and achievement is like a big one for me.<laugh> so how do I move towards what I want? How do I, I move towards achievement with those things that matter to me, like learning, growing, having fun, the more you focus on the, the magical possibilities within your day and know, it sounds really corny, and I'm definitely the annoying person, but, um, you have to get up eventually and believe it's gonna work out. I

Love that. I love that. And so one thing that you said is what is in your control? You know, what, what can you do? You can bank on yourself, hold your value. You can remind yourself of your worth. So what would you, as a last question, what would you say, or what would you say to empower women to believe in themselves?

This comes from years and you years and years of looking for the person, the people that mattered to me to tell me that I mattered in a way that I wanted to matter. I hope that makes sense. I think what I would say is, is anything that is inside of you, any still small voice, any urge to create or build, or experience or any vision that you have ever held of who you potentially could be, is a real possibility for you. And please do not look to the people who are not used to seeing you that way to give you permission, to take the steps necessary, to become that person. Because if you can imagine it, it's, it's a part of who you are and it exists like it truly does. But I think I spend my entire life wanting someone to tell me it was okay to pursue that. And you, you just don't really have to go through as much pain as I did. Wow. It's unnecessary. It it's, you can get there faster, but the only way, like one of my mentors, she she's amazing, but she shared this video with, with all of us one day, and I wish I could find it. I haven't been able to find it on YouTube, but it was a little girl who was talking about the message at the end. She was like, just buy it to yourself is what she said. At the end of it, it was something about having a little boy, buy her ice cream. And that the look on that little girl's face, she was like three or four just has stayed with me and haunted me because it really is about just giving it to yourself. And it's not so much like go and buy yourself, you know, the, the Jimmy shoes or whatever. I mean, that's fine, but true self care is caring about the truth of you. And believe me, I just, if I could, I mean, I get so passionate about it. This is why I exist. I'm, I'm truly sure that it is to help other women know that if you, you want it, you can have it. You can make it happen. Wow. So you're so inspiring. I love I'm. So believe, I believe this is the reason I was born because there have been so many times, I didn't understand why am I? And with all due respect, I mean, I never, you know, to all, there's a quote about this and I don't have it with me. I don't even remember who said it, but it's basically that you're going to sit there and watch other people do what you want to do in a really sloppy manner. Like you're gonna watch and say, oh my gosh, I could have done that better. Oh gosh. I thought of that. Oh my goodness. How is she doing that? When I'm so much smarter, better or bigger, whatever you are. And the only reason they're doing it is because you aren't willing to take the first step. And I'll tell you, once you are in, it's like, once you're halfway up the mountain, you won't stop. I, I hope because you'll be so addicted to the possibilities that you find you can accomplish. And that feeling is unbelievable. Like it becomes, oh my gosh, I helped one woman build a business, be on and triple her revenue in a matter of months. One, the first time I did that, I was like, holy crap. What if I did that again? Bigger and bigger and bigger. Wow. It changes lives when you impact someone. You can't stop. Yeah. Wow. It's it's incredib.

Yeah. This is amazing. So I love this conversation so much. I'm so grateful for your time today and coming on the show, where can people find out more about you and your coaching or follow you on social media?

Yeah. I'm they can go to IM Michelle oliver.com and that's my website and there's all kinds of videos and stuff on there. And, um, I am Michelle Oliver on Instagram, and I have a link tree on there and a link tree on my website that will take you wherever else. You wanna go, YouTube. You know, now I'm on Pinterest, cuz that's a really weird place to be. But it's like trying another dating app. You know, you might as well like be everywhere, right? Why not? Why not be everywhere and see who shows up.

That's right. Look for every opportunity.<laugh>

Yes. You never know. Well, this is, I don't think guys, my age are on Pinterest, but you know what I mean?<laugh>

You never know. Well, this is a great opportunity to have you today. So thanks so much for being here,

Carrie. I enjoyed it so much. I think you are absolutely brilliant. And I hope that anyone who is looking to expand their dating life comes to you for coaching because, um, the conversations I've had with you have been so helpful to me. So thank you so much. Thank you back<laugh> thanks.

And for now this week shot at love dating tips, which are inspired by our guests business, coach, Michelle Oliver. Number one, you need to have a gogetter mentality when dating, be willing and open to meet new prospects, don't be overly discerning and look for every opportunity just like in business. Number two, know what you want. You need to be clear about what you want the same way you be clear in business, ask your self, what are three action steps you can take in order to become the person you need to be, who can attract the type of person you want. Those three things will move you towards your goal and ensure your success in online dating number three, do the work internally. That way you value yourself and know what you bring to the table. 95% mindset. And the key to success is the same for online dating. So take a hard look and audit your belief system. Number four, be open to expansion and adventure, but don't forget to bet on you because once you do dating becomes a different ballgame. I hope you found some of my tips helpful this week. This is what shot at love is here for, to help you find love. That is Keep up the commitment to yourself and commit to helping someone else by sharing this podcast. Remember to stay safe and stay tuned for more episodes. And if you like this show, please subscribe and leave a five star review. I'm Carrie, Brett, and we'll see you next time.

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