Swipe Right On The Rest Of Your Life With Amy Nobile

spk_0:   0:01
I’m Kerry Brett and you're listening to Shot@Love the  first motivational podcast around online dating. Isn't it time you took a shot at love? Took a shot on yourself? Believe you're worthy of true love. Is there a more effective way to date? Can you find love? Hell, yeah! And I'm gonna show you how it's done. Today we have a very special guest who is going to share her professional insights around online dating, especially during this difficult time. Stay tuned. I’m Kerry Brett and this Shot@L ove. Today's topic is finding love during the time of Covid 19. This is such a challenging time for people across the board. More than ever, people are longing for that human connection. Loneliness is so amplified at this time. Some people are in a state of shock. They're feeling isolated, financially fearful or even feeling their own mortality. There's so much uncertainty in the world. I believe this is a time for humanity to share stories that uplift others. My goal for this episode is to lend some encouragement, leaving you inspired with a large dose of hope. What better time than the present to get moving on your future? I'm super excited to introduce Amy Nobile.  Amy is a  successful author whose published four books and is also the owner of Love. Amy, a dating conceirge service that helps teach you how to be successful in online dating and ultimately find love. Love. Amy was featured in The New York Times, Business Insider and even the Today Show!. Hey, Amy! Thanks for being here.

spk_1:   1:44
Hello, Kerry I'm really happy to be here. Thank you.

spk_0:   1:47
I’m so excited. I reached out to Amy because I was so impressed with her story. And we both have similar views around cracking the code in dating. I was so happy when you agreed to be on shot at love. When I reached out to you for the first time I couldn't believe that you actually lived for a period of time a few streets away from me in Hingham. 

spk_1:   2:12
Yeah, I know

spk_0:   2:13
I thought that was a sign from the universe that we were meant to connect. 

spk_1:   2:18
I'm all about signs and I couldn't agree more like Hingham. I mean, is  amazing.

spk_0:   2:25
So you're now out in LA right?

spk_1:   2:28
I’m quarantine in California. I'm in Santa Barbara. I do live in New York City. Happy to be out of New York City for the moment. Although that is where my heart usually is.

spk_0:   2:40
I'm sure. That's why I find it so random that you were living in Hingham and we didn't connect so for my listeners that don't know where HIngham is it’s  70 miles outside of Boston. But, you know, the universe put us together. So here we are. I'm gonna bring a really grest show to my listeners, and you guys don't even know what we have in the store. So a lot of people call Amy the love doctor, and today she's going to teach you how to swipe right on the rest of your life. So the thing I love the most about Amy is that she's such an optimist.  I feel like most people are pretty negative around online dating. So you, yourself found  love online. And could you share your story and how you created love, Amy?

spk_1:   3:32
Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. So, I, um, as you said, as you so nicely introduced me. I am a four time author and the books that I've written with my best friend Trish, the 1st 3 books. They're all very special. Some are anthropological about motherhood and marriage and reinvention. This last book that the both of us wrote together came out a few years ago called Just When You're Comfortable in Your Own Skin It Starts to Sag. This book is about life of at 40, plus, I kind of just re imagining your life, questioning your relationships in your personal professional life. And in the course of lighting of fucking interviewing hundreds of women, I realized I had to leave my marriage of 20 years and you've been together for 26. And so it was the hardest thing I've ever done and the scariest thing I've ever done. And I sat around this gaggle of single great girlfriends that I have and total rock stars, and then we just were so hedonistic and they said, You're gonna hate it. There's nobody on the ass, it fox, and I literally look at the heart. Hey, wait, Hold up. You guys are amazing. You're bored because you're successful were in New York City. People like you've got to be kidding me. And they said, Good luck. Good luck. And so I dove into online dating like it was quite literally, my job I was dating. I don't necessarily recommend this, but I was dating 4 to 6 people every day

spk_0:   5:02
for a while. That's unreal. It's unbelievable, Tank. It

spk_1:   5:07
is. I looked at it like my job, and I made every mistake you make. You know, I had a really crappy photos. I didn't even write anything on my profile for a while. I was giving away whole Saturday night for my first date with people before I even met them. That's a huge no, no in my little book now. And, you know, and I I just I said, I'm gonna do this differently. I cast a really wide net. I was dating like salad. I sure cries bald guys, guys, the earth, every exit. I really I just got I'm gonna just meet people, and I'm gonna learn one new thing from every copy date. 30 minute coffee date. Once I figured that out and I just started having a ball, and at the same time, because, like you. I'm kind of spiritual guru. I was sort of sharpening my intuition. And so, you know, I really started attracting more and more to them people that were more spiritually, emotionally, mentally aligned with me without even realizing it. And so it ended up well, I'm not the love of my life. Two years ago, almost on Bumble

spk_0:   6:14
and,

spk_1:   6:16
you know, it was amazing. And, um and, you know, like online dating. It's like the chemistry really often works in reverse. So that same thing happened to me. No. Long story short. I'm not this incredible individual in my my girlfriend. Like, what is going on? I think

spk_0:   6:37
you're

spk_1:   6:37
on. And they were watching date and have fun, And I was setting other people up, and I was, you know, I had even knows, Like, I wouldn't connect with someone on that level. I was making great plans and investor in contact. So I think very global, more phone, more like All right, I'm gonna help you guys out,

spk_0:   6:56
have

spk_1:   6:56
hardened, you

spk_0:   6:57
know? So it is a little

spk_1:   6:59
and they still weren't really dating, and I expect what? What's wrong way? Don't look a bird on the ass. I don't know how to do it. So I just started taking over and I was longing in his, um, and sitting out dates and let me what sort of born, um, very naturally,

spk_0:   7:16
Yeah. I mean, here's the thing. Would I think about others? You actually put the time and you worked it as a job. I'm super impressed with the four coffee dates because I couldn't land a coffee date. No matter how much I tried, I would have just done that, but I don't know people during too much in Boston, but everybody just wanted to go out to a bar to have that, I don't know, use of alcohol there, So I found that really frustrating. And I definitely want to talk about how you did that. But I feel like people get on the abs and they're like, uh hey, why? I don't Why can't I figure this out? Why can't I find the right person to swipe on? Because they haven't played at a time. Then they haven't put the time. I have to

spk_1:   8:01
put it. It's a side hustle, and I have my one on one rules. I have a whole have regime when I put my clients here and it's sort of like beating online dating blue camper away. And you really do. There's something minutes. You know, when I talk to people, they say it's horrible, it's horrible. It doesn't work. OK, well, about how much time a week are you putting in

spk_0:   8:26
right?

spk_1:   8:26
And like I don't know. Let's break it down per day And they say, Would you like? Okay, just

spk_0:   8:34
travel number

spk_1:   8:35
one. You know, you have to be on the up every single day

spk_0:   8:38
and

spk_1:   8:39
break it down into a 15 minute increments, But it's used in our day elite.

spk_0:   8:43
At least this whole

spk_1:   8:44
little even world is strange and it's very time sensitive. And if you're not literally just looking at it like this is my side hustle, I'm gonna set alarm four times a day to get in there. Continue conversations of people swiping flight couple tunnel.

spk_0:   8:59
It's

spk_1:   8:59
just I don't think people really realize how much time it takes. Just get one viable coffee date. Ah, what

spk_0:   9:07
it is it is. But I learned over time that I wasn't gonna be a pen pal. I wasn't going to sit there and have all this time wasted for some for a date that would never materialize. And so people, when they first start doing this, they think, Oh, I have ton of matches Will matches aren't dates, matches and essentially a pretty much meaningless, in my opinion, unless I've got something on the calendar in advance. So again it does. Because I was cereal with carpal tunnel like yourself. So wait, well, you

spk_1:   9:43
have to be. And then nothing is no. We need to take control. No.

spk_0:   9:47
Yeah, I

spk_1:   9:47
think there's a lot of women that I talk to, and I want the book men and women, but ah, lot of women I talked to you. Well, is nothing. Nothing good is happening. Well, we needed to control. You need to take control of you know who we think we want versus who really, you know, it's like, let's look at our core values. Take a step back. Everybody asked me What's the first that being successful with the first step is self care

spk_0:   10:13
right? And

spk_1:   10:13
people get really jumped on that. What do you mean? So I spent a lot of my client's talking about Well, what is self care for your looks? Why doesn't matter because you can only meet someone of people. You've met yourself.

spk_0:   10:26
Yes.

spk_1:   10:26
And they really don't. It's sort of like, whoa, Okay. And so you know, I can't even get in to see my therapist anymore, Nancy, because I've referred to many people hurt. But, you know, it's like if you gotta figure out your stuff some past relationship sort of leg dives, Eve, you have to be self aware and know what your issues are. And he's really open and ready. Like I say, No, a lot of people if I don't feel like they're open and ready process because the energy you put out is exactly what you're going to get back. And if you're open, optimistic and exploited, even though you know a side hustle on dating the roller coaster, no matter what, you know that all my crimes, same thing with the light bulb went on. And now it's shift. Something is different. And now I'm starting to like, you know, find some viable master. So, you know, it's all of that

spk_0:   11:22
duck

spk_1:   11:22
you have to think

spk_0:   11:23
about. It comes from within, and I knew I had put so much in my past relationship that the universe would that would come back to me karmically. And I knew that I deserved someone who was a good person because I feel like I'm a good person, and

spk_1:   11:41
right now,

spk_0:   11:42
you know. So I was very assertive when if I wanted someone to ask me out and I was dating, you know, texting a bunch of guys. And they would say, What do you doing this weekend? And I really I wouldn't recommend doing this, but I noticed the things that I did do, and I had no one to balance it by. I would say something like, Do you think a girl like me is gonna end up on this untended for a long time? I'm not. And I was really kind of balls, even my statements. But I just felt like, Hey, buddy, if you're gonna don't wait to ask me out because I'm already going out Friday night, Saturday night. So you just got the Sunday slot and again, I don't recommend it was something, you

spk_1:   12:28
know, But you're right. It's the confidence, right? So it's like, however it manifests for you. Whatever the messaging is. Difference everybody, But it's not energy, right? It's the energy that you're putting out there. It's the confidence and that energy that is just magnetic. And that is something that most people have to really work on

spk_0:   12:46
because

spk_1:   12:47
dating just feels. I watched a film like CEOs, and my client will have two things in common. One. They're all rock stars on every level. And if you this is the only part of their lives they can't figure out right. So like, Oh, like two weeks ago, I went from, I guess, no months when I could still go to an office and meet with the client I was in. I met with this woman. She's quite well known to the CEO of a very large company in New York City, and I was sort of intimidated. I was sort of nervous meet with her because she's built such an entity, and I sat down in her office and shut the door and nervous he's gonna ask me and and she burst in here so hard I don't even know what I'm gonna terrify. And

spk_0:   13:32
so

spk_1:   13:32
it takes for most people the confidence that you and body it takes most people a little bit to get there. But that's the gold. If you consorted like to get comfortable in your own skin during the process to the best of your ability is intimidating. That's when the magic happens,

spk_0:   13:49
right? But I think that confidence builds over time. So I have a successful photography career. But carry the photographer was very different than carry the person. And so when I was online dating, I couldn't hide behind my photography career. I couldn't hide behind the camera. And so the only way that I became a confident, better data was by doing the work and putting the diamond and having that will or determination to pull myself back up and get back out there, even though the night before I bawled my brains out the whole way home in an uber and some days air. Not pretty, but I wasn't going to have another man break me, and I was gonna make it happen. Come higher high hell or high water. And I think you you have to have that attitude, and if you don't you will not survive. Truett.

spk_1:   14:50
You know it's not to say that you get there, but but what I realized is you need help. Whether it's me whether it's a best friend, whether it's somebody who's been like hold your hand a little bit and kind of help you see what your best qualities actually, already when you have to take a quick sugar subsidies, profiles, they're right. Something it It literally takes people down on their knees. Really tough thing to do for yourself. And most of us know supplies don't. The earth loves the way we really are. We're gonna We're gonna have undercut a lot of our amazing qualities. So that is part of my job. You know, my client a lot of 10 page since the form and I can really see their sparkle like that. Michael, I want to see where you sparkle. Like all talking peoples were super successful on their leading with the resonator. And then I find after, like, meeting two or three with, um, I find this, like, sort of dry sense of humor. That is awesome. I'll that's it. That's what we have to highlight of really funny. And they looked at me like what? I know you're really funny. And so that's what we need within the profile. And then we I take my own pictures. If I have to get that Brooklyn, I like it. It's like so I think that's a lot of this problem. This thing

spk_0:   16:07
is the true

spk_1:   16:08
we're putting out. Yeah, we're putting out what we think the other son wants to being right like I'll be like I say, it's wonderful, Positive, too sexy

spk_0:   16:17
e

spk_1:   16:18
a kind of hope. How's that? Are, like, really benign, like I love the tribe woman. Spiritual, really, because we all are. You know, it's like it's like a minute it, like I have a client who traveled with her blender because she loved duty so much and it's like a whole air. She is hold Larry and, like, I can't even tell you how you know how much like we are attracting the white guy for her. You know,

spk_0:   16:40
that's good. I mean, I I always what? I'm a little eccentric captain, artist and a little out there, so I don't know any other way to be so. I just would always have these kind of outrageous answers that we're true to me. I remember one time I sent my boyfriend this video of me dancing in my kitchen with all my guy friends around and I was dancing to um oh, the song All right, All right. By the Alabama Shakes and the videos Completely outrageous. But I said that I was making fun of myself, but I sent it to him. And then after I hit sent, I was like, Oh, my God, what am I doing? But I was screening him because I have a wild died and, you know, he was telling him, should I mentioned that story of the other night and he said, I love that you dance, but just don't throw your back out, baby. It's just laughing about that because, you know, I I'm older now. Think when I send that video. But that's my true outside

spk_1:   17:42
in the I love how you're gonna attract the right person for you,

spk_0:   17:46
right? It's

spk_1:   17:47
like what we also we think that our quirkiness in our nerdiness or whatever, like I'm super goofy and do producing. I love costumes. I like live for call a week, but like we all think that, like a goofy side or whatever, both sides you should be hiding and knows that those of the things you should be highlighting because if someone attacks is themselves to those qualities. It's like

spk_0:   18:13
and then level without, they fall in love with the imperfections. You know, Matt, Matt Damon's gorgeous because of his crooked smile. You know, I know that from studying people, that its imperfections that make people truly beautiful. And that's what I highlight when I photographed people, what makes them so holy? I like

spk_1:   18:38
dating. I was like, If I see you crow, I'm gonna make out with that like doctor and it's just so funny. It's like, You think you could do it? It's sort of the girl. It's like I want, you know, someone who appreciates that kind of happiness in marriage.

spk_0:   18:55
And I

spk_1:   18:55
got it.

spk_0:   18:56
That's great. All right, so we're gonna take a break right now, But when we come back, we're gonna talk about what can we do during this quarantine? And Amy has some solutions and some strategies of how we can use this time to our advantage, so we'll be back. But first, this week's tender tips Number one. You don't get what you don't ask for. Don't be afraid to ask. Number two hard work will pay off. There will be days that you feel like you've been on 51st dates, but it only takes one. And in honor of our special guest Amy No, Billy. This tip comes right from her. Number three. Remember to set expectations on your face time. Coffee dates have a heart stop at 30 minutes in case you're not that into him. Welcome back. We're here with Amy. No, Billy. And we're gonna talk. About what? What can we D'oh. While we have all this this window of time, I think it's a great time to become a better data. It's a great time to practice texting. So this quarantine is basically a timeout period. But I think we can really focus in and build some connections. Do you wanna weigh in on what you've been seeing with your clients during this time?

spk_1:   20:29
Yeah. What exactly is it? Good. It's a very weird time in history. We'll be studying this for 100 years,

spk_0:   20:36
so I think

spk_1:   20:37
it's interesting, instinctually I think we want to hibernate. And that makes sense, right? Because it's a really weird time, and we're kind of morning, the lives we had and where I'm certain about the future. Understandably, people sort of mildly depressed. They feel lonely at the same time. What's starting to happen during the quarantine of people are reevaluating their lives, and they're saying, Oh, my gosh, like I really need a partner. I really would like a partner. This is scary to me and and Sandra re prioritize everything your likes,

spk_0:   21:10
you know, and

spk_1:   21:11
really focus on what's important. I think we're all doing that inherently and so as the cornfield. Progress is what I'm seeing. I do. I'm sort of like the eyes and years of dating, and I'm what I'm hearing is, and people are really starting to approach now thing. I know we're in a quarantine, but I need help now. I really understand the importance of having a true partner in life, and this is I'm going to prioritize it, and I want to do it. And so it's interesting. So it's like that. How how do we do that? You know, and I am on boarding like three clients today and more and so here's what we're doing is we're taking advantage. First of all, there in the last week alone, just from my temperature, because I work with clients all over the country and on the app there is a surge. And I have seen some statistic trumps your bumble hinge and that there has been a huge surge over the pointing of new accounts. Right, because

spk_0:   22:06
I think a

spk_1:   22:07
people have more time.

spk_0:   22:08
Yep.

spk_1:   22:08
And be again, Like I said, people were starting to, like, feel like Oh, gosh, this is gonna be something important in my life that I want to dio and so take advantage, right? So even if you're just sign up for from the statistics wiping and did not get your arms around that people are like you if you're on yeah, now you'll like people. Profile pictures have, like, a mountain gun or they'll say, Like, you know, they're starting to, like, redo their at their their whole profiles to talk about the corn teams are likes and this leg dislike, you know, less than six feet apart. When I'm walking, you know, they're just funny. Funny people were sort of It's a leveller. It's something omelets with haste breaker.

spk_0:   22:52
So it,

spk_1:   22:52
you know, it really has been. You can weed out really that right now, like who's serious? And he's not. When you're on there talking just how some people are just getting right to the point. I'm looking for Sunday long term, and this has been really hard. So it's an opening. It's an opening to talk honestly about where you are in your life a little easier when it was before. People are just sort of shrimp of. Why don't you go strip down right now? So really, just getting on the Athens is starting to his wife and talk is is the first step. And I've also seen people do a lot of peacetime dates. A lot of Yun dates, like at first it's fantastic. We're sort of like Relax, kick, cranking back time

spk_0:   23:36
and

spk_1:   23:36
we're trying to get to know each other more way in a more poignant man. In what way? I love it. I love to see everything low down.

spk_0:   23:46
I do, too. I just I find this whole fat the facetime dates a little fascinating because I never did that. So I don't have a lot of experience with that. And I know you You have some strategy around this? Yeah, you e I like how you said, You know, give the guys a little tour show them your surrounding. This is my dog. But I've been thinking about this like joy. Do I need to, like, bust out Mr Clean to meet Mr Right past it? Marie Condo, my house before I do this face to rodeo. I

spk_1:   24:23
think it's really I haven't my clients recently on base Hyundais, and it's really funny, So I like you have fun with it Now you are in your pajamas. You want unnecessarily being your pajamas on her face 10 day it was like No like makeup. No, I mean, on the other hand, my whole strategy of in real life when this is over, right? It's like the 30 minute coffee dated. You know, I don't recommend I never recommend for a first date getting your head blown out, and I'll make that we try to you like it should be like, Yes, protection should be low. That's what I recommend is your first facetime date with somebody is put a little bit of effort, you know, a little bit. Plus, you don't ethical crazy. I would if you want pajama bottoms on that included. Cute little top cute sweater is fine, right? And also like hand like a cup of coffee and just make it clearly okay, depending on whatever time it is just a coffee date or a wine date. And that's why you know the wine date or a glass of wine and kind of set up your put your son up like you're putting a little bit of effort. It doesn't have to be a lot, but make a joke about it. And if you have a dog of a hat, but that's only pulled a pet and just try to show a little bit about your life like I have some clients has given, like a mini tour. Okay, well, yep, Here's my dog, Hank. And, uh, here's my view out the window and, you know, or you just sitting there. But we'll make it, you know, really focus on it. Um,

spk_0:   25:53
it's feeling

spk_1:   25:53
contest. It's like the one you get. And, you know,

spk_0:   25:57
I think I see again. This is your attitude. I would be. I'd be sitting, thinking, What do I wear on this first date in my living room? You know, it's like, so depressing. It is getting dressed up to go from the kitchen to the living room. But you

spk_1:   26:11
and I think you could make a joke about it. You just joke about it. You now. And it took me a long time to pick up this letter.

spk_0:   26:17
I

spk_1:   26:18
think that I think that's really the best way to go about this. It's such 1/3 time. And, you know, we have got to give a little levity to the situation. Um,

spk_0:   26:29
I just

spk_1:   26:30
I've seen my kind of some of their back dates on FaceTime, really, just because of it.

spk_0:   26:35
And I would be someone who would feel like my hair is like basically half brown and half blonde right now. E. I need to go get my hair colored. You Months ago, I feel

spk_1:   26:50
I

spk_0:   26:50
know

spk_1:   26:51
what me and that's not necessarily something you want to joke about on your person. You know, you could do is like, rarely the baseball hat, you know, be like, you know, active chic or something was like with loss. And that's how I always been on my first date anyway. Like drawing a juicer Starbucks. I would always like coming from a lookout.

spk_0:   27:10
Let's go. Uh,

spk_1:   27:11
you know,

spk_0:   27:11
there's a confidence again, you know your rings. True to who you are and the

spk_1:   27:17
war

spk_0:   27:18
that's clear. And

spk_1:   27:19
also a couple more kids. Just because, you know, one of your sister took your life beyond the Sunday but birth date. I would always, always make sure you have something to do 30 minutes later. Okay? Because it's like things can get. And again, it's another game. So working out of his hands, you're not gonna have kind of here's someone and then you're stuck. So as you're texting summer, yeah, three clock sounds great. Let's do coffee on facetime. Just apply. I have a conference call at 3 30 so I'm gonna have a hard out

spk_0:   27:51
that way.

spk_1:   27:51
The stakes are low, you haven't clone out. And if you really were digging a presidential race and you can make another fan, you know, for a walk and talk to date or something later on to be excited about it, but always haven't out, the other piece of advice is just have three questions. You wanna ask Andi? So I always tell my clients it's like because I think there's this whole thing is like on God on the interviews and and I want them to like me and, you know, like half, three questions you're curious about and get them talking right away. Hey, what's your story like? I saw that you you know, I was in London for three years with your story. And so that way you're scratching the surface. You're scratching another layer below. So you're not tempted the weather the whole time, and people want to talk about themselves,

spk_0:   28:38
right?

spk_1:   28:38
And so you know, that just takes the pressure off of you, huh? Three questions and just look at it like an exterior. That and pretty sane. 30 minutes is up. You kind of defied.

spk_0:   28:49
So you prepare. One of the things I used to do would be I would look up the menu of the restaurant that I was going to be meeting someone, so I knew what I was gonna e I was I knew where I was gonna park. I took things that could be problematic so that I could just focus in on the person when I got to the place, I was meeting them, and I think that's really cool.

spk_1:   29:13
Really cool. That would be big, too, but yeah, yeah, yeah.

spk_0:   29:16
So there's the preparation and I tell my clients to never ask them out on a date. Never hint to be asked out on a date. How How would you implicate that with the face time date? Would you suggest the face on J date or would you wait for the guy tow suggests a face Sunday.

spk_1:   29:35
Oh, I see. So when you're on, you mean when you bring your on the app and you kind of like, wouldn't like a date

spk_0:   29:41
kind

spk_1:   29:41
of thing,

spk_0:   29:41
right? Yeah, Yeah, yeah,

spk_1:   29:43
yeah. So it's interesting. I have my own point. This is just me. I like shipbuilding. Uh, you know, I'm not a millennial 50 and probably has something to do our generation. But I knew, like chivalry. And so, you know, I talked a lot about growing up, and that's pretty much we're all looking for. A grown up is someone who is ready for something is self actualized, you know, And so I actually like it when the guy asked us first every once in a while. You know, once a pen pals, it's going on too long. And you're really interested in this individual. It's like, Hey, you know, we should grab coffee, right? But I hope not. But You know, I know plenty of women who are very, very forward and like they like, they like to push it. Like what? Let's have coffee. It's whatever you're comfortable with that I'm not a fan. I feel like if things go too long, if you're bantering with somebody for two days and you're just texting on the app, it's like there's something up that means they're not quite there there, either bantering with a 1,000,000 other people. Or there's something that funky the phone on because someone who is really ready to find a relationship wants to get off the out pretty quickly. And that's what I see all the time.

spk_0:   31:04
I agree. I remember I was dating one guy, and all we did was text. We did go out, and one of my girlfriends used to say, When are you going to start talking to him on the phone? Because this doesn't seem normal to meet. This isn't a normal relationship, and sure enough, the relationship didn't work out. But

spk_1:   31:22
yeah, it's almost always the case, right? It's like some A lot of people just want aggravation. We don't know what's going on, You know, I always tell my clients profile, not the person

spk_0:   31:32
right when

spk_1:   31:32
we get so hung up and it's like no people on the after, lots of different reasons, as you can imagine. So we're looking to weed out. You know, all the non growing up like quick

spk_0:   31:44
red flags like they're

spk_1:   31:46
like, 20 opening lines and I see done. I'm like, No, my client likely why he's so cute. What I'm like. No,

spk_0:   31:52
because they tell you exactly who they are. And a lot of these guys are online just for attention. Just for an ego stroke.

spk_1:   31:59
A lot of on Some of them are married. Some of them have a girlfriend. You know, there's just a 1,000,000 reasons, and it's like that's where people sex for people that they encounter a couple of those And that's why they quit.

spk_0:   32:10
Just like,

spk_1:   32:11
Oh, this is terrifying. Before what? Well, and a lot of people think I wouldn't take 98% of the people in the app, and then I'm very well would you date 98% of people walking down the street?

spk_0:   32:21
Exactly.

spk_1:   32:22
I mean, it's just but it's a science. You gotta figure out how to not take it. Firstly, and leave Drew very quickly because it's a needle in a haystack. But it only takes one, you know, kind of lifting your mind. So the little boy, um, on the whole proper

spk_0:   32:38
right. And I think you do a really good job preparing your client's tohave the right mindset for online dating. And it is about your attitude in your energy as you sift through all these guys that aren't right for you to find the person who is. And so, um, what are some of the things I have my opinions on this, but what the most common mistakes you think women make My thing is, they don't They don't have the confidence to ask for what they want. And you can't get what you one. If you told how smart or put it out there, exactly,

spk_1:   33:17
that is a excellent, excellent point. And I think we can hone in on that. I work with my clients on that at every stage of online dating. This is really interesting. I think that you know, when you are growing up looking for gonna to grown ups are gonna check a lot of boxes without putting people without putting each other on the spot. But you, Guinevere, dance

spk_0:   33:40
right and you can check

spk_1:   33:42
boxes even when you're texting on the happened in your office. The outfits, like without without the stupid, blatant like Well, what you exactly tell you exactly what you want are exactly where you see yourself in five years. You don't have to do that, but there's a way, like, sort of figure out whether you are on the same page of someone really, really quickly. And I am a big fan and my clients were sort of sometimes for if I know, But do you want to do dating some of the three months and then find out that they really don't want to get remarried? And they really wanna long time saying they're kind of someone of it all because that happens so often?

spk_0:   34:19
I'm

spk_1:   34:20
a big fan of what it could be. Big Billy. It could get to, and you're kind of answering, and it's like there are specific questions you can ask someone to get them to, sort of open up and see if they are ready. He is. We want the same things that Ugo there's next additional town and that in a pure point. If we don't have, we don't put that energy out of what we want, then it's on you. If you're into a six month relationship, someone raises their hand like we never talked about that. That's not what I want, right, so it's

spk_0:   34:51
like That's

spk_1:   34:52
my biggest message.

spk_0:   34:53
Totally.

spk_1:   34:54
You've got to be honest about who you are and what you want. And there's a very subtle but firm way to put that out there because that's again, you know, do you want? It's been three years walking around with the wrong people. It's like

spk_0:   35:07
No, no, and that's what happened to me where it was. I would have these many relationships that would last, say, maybe three months to four months at a time, but they were just passing time because they really didn't want to settle down. And I have a style burnt by that for so long. When I finally met my boyfriend, I was at the end of my rope like I was a win today President helping me going to the dump, helping me drive my daughter to soccer. I wanted a true partner and I didn't wanna wait months and months and months to see if it would pan out. So he really had to step up in a huge way immediately. Thio lock it in and you know, I have he smell like I looked at an email this morning from my accountant. He had itemized all this stuff in that the first line don't even know this person. That was someone helping my regular accountant, and she just put from wrote, Wow, he's such a keeper. And I appreciate that because he cares and he's good. And every day he's doing something for me. And also, I have a

spk_1:   36:17
client. Yeah, I was flying in Texas right now, and And she is. We've been working together for about three months, which is about the time you know where I work on my client for about three months at a time, and she's been dating someone for two months, and we used on one hand you a fantastic guy that she was unwilling to have that conversation. Or are you just take some of those boxes right?

spk_0:   36:41
And now he's

spk_1:   36:41
kind of doing this weird thing. George is doing the disappearing at night. He's like when he feels like it he appears on any kind of goes and she's absolutely devastated. And the thing is, if you don't have that conversation, if you're not, if you're unwilling to put out exactly what you want, and that's the confidence that that is a very poignant um, very, very good good point that you

spk_0:   37:05
write because talk is cheap and men show you with their actions what they're capable of. So I know she's kind of she's probably devastated right now, but truthfully, she's She's dodging a bullet or she's just

spk_1:   37:19
dodging a bullet dodging a bullet. Yeah, I mean, it's so true. And for many and women both, it's like it's like you just we have no time away,

spk_0:   37:28
right? There's no time to waste and they've done you a favor. Who wants that? It's not what you deserve, and I think now more than ever, people are looking within and seeing what really matters. It's not the things it's not the big job title. It's not being able to go there to these places. It's Yeah, I love

spk_1:   37:52
it and I said, Yeah, I didn't want my clients and we work on that. We work on this and I would encourage anybody listening. You know, do that really, really write down all the qualities that you have my client to this exercise where I give you a piece of paper, they fill it. I should fill it up that whole piece of paper, take 20 minutes and tell me every single quality internally and externally that you are looking for. The perfect person might work. They do if they don't pull paper, the push it over to me and then I take it. And I looked at it and I rip it up at the time, you know, little pieces and they look at me and they're like, Wow, okay, because that was kind of a lot of work. And then I

spk_0:   38:32
looked at it and

spk_1:   38:32
then I say, Here's Here's a new piece of paper. I want you to think it up. Somebody in your life. It is non romantic. Who brings you total joy just from the inside out and listen to their quality.

spk_0:   38:43
Right?

spk_1:   38:45
So they dio

spk_0:   38:45
That's so interesting. Every

spk_1:   38:47
single kind back to the person. Those leading core quality internally of their person. And guess what? They don't come in the pocket. You think strongly

spk_0:   38:59
right. So true. I have a

spk_1:   39:01
huge like

spk_0:   39:02
It is a huge lesson. And I do that, but in a different way, where I have the top 10 qualities and I tell people to right down the top 10 qualities of the man that you want to manifest. And I I used to do that. So my list was very in the beginning. It was so pathetic. And a lot of the things I would list were the same thing. Like Okay, that doesn't have a wandering eye, Has to be faithful like Carrie. Set your sights a little higher, you know, like that quality so bad

spk_1:   39:34
qualities, you know, being being, you know, having gratitude and being generous in spirit and being kind and and loving. Stanley, you know, like I have a current client. You We did this exercise in a month. She it is amazing, Amy I would never normally have placed on him, and I can't believe it. He's not the industrial wanted. He's completely different background. He is. They're totally in love.

spk_0:   40:03
And because their core

spk_1:   40:05
clones were still alive, I'd make big care for each other in a way that is so beautiful. Look, I never thought I could find us in a lot of, you know, and you know, we all deserve it. But we have to know about how to act, learn and and clear out there.

spk_0:   40:18
It's so great. So which leads me to talking about love, Amy, I want to tell our listeners how they can get a hold of you. How much your service is are Obviously the benefit is immense because their friend that you have, what, 80 85%? I don't know exact exactly. The numbers and success. But

spk_1:   40:40
I calculate Yeah, it is

spk_0:   40:42
heavily because

spk_1:   40:42
I'm pretty pretty picky about my pasta straight. And, um yeah, so you can find me on my website. I even have my mobile number if I even say that. But I d'oh in text me love Annie dot co love anyone more duck co CEO You confine me and all the information. I don't have my posting on what it is. Just over $5000 for three months is a seat twice. I think it is when you break down the hours. However, I am one of the I don't actually know another put. She does things the way I do. Not only do I kind of revamp, you know, your files and your whole thing and get you up and running. But I literally your partners on demand on an online and coach.

spk_0:   41:30
I

spk_1:   41:30
have people who call me every day, twice a day. Text me. I will always answer. I mean, this is the love of my life besides my guy and my kids and I, um I'm so dedicated my client. So yeah, so that's the deal or reach me.

spk_0:   41:46
That's great. And I think you get what you pay for. And this is a think about what we spend money on. And this contains your life and but a gratifying job. You have helping people find love and also maybe they can follow your instagram Page two I know you want Oh, probably include that

spk_1:   42:07
small, tiny little following is hilarious.

spk_0:   42:10
Yeah, he's

spk_1:   42:11
falling in instagram love Got any dot Nyc? That would be great. I love everything. I'm not good at it. Instagram as I am finding love for people,

spk_0:   42:20
it's okay. Stay in your lane. Exactly. If anyone wants

spk_1:   42:25
to help me with my instagram page,

spk_0:   42:29
you might be able to find a trade somewhere with one of these millennials. Excellent. Great. Yeah. I think this has been such an honor. I'm so excited that you were my guest today. It was fabulous. Just really lightened by day. Thank you so much for being well. Thank you. Carry this Fabulous. And I wish you all the luck in the world. Thanks. A big thank you to my guest and thank you to all of my listeners. This is what shot at love is here for to help you find love. I'm always here to help you. And remember Stay safe and stay tuned for more episodes Follow on Instagram shot at love Podcast. I'm Kerry Brett and we'll see you next time.