Dec. 10, 2024
Transforming Holiday Loneliness: Embracing Solitude and Finding Purpose with Tricia Rose
Spending the holiday season alone can be a daunting experience, especially after a breakup or a loss. Join us as Dr. Tricia Rose, a former optometrist now life coach, shares her deeply personal story of navigating Christmas alone after her divorce. Tricia reveals the strategies she learned to turn loneliness into a peaceful time, offering insights and practical tips from her blog, Rose Colored Glasses, to help others facing similar challenges. Discover how managing expectations and reframing the holiday as just another day can bring feelings of empowerment.
Loneliness and connection during the holidays spark profound emotional journeys. I recount my own battle with the "inner Grinch," as I confronted holiday triggers that brought unresolved emotions to the surface. Dr. Tricia Rose and Kerry Brett discuss the distinction between loneliness and carving time for yourself, exploring embracing personal time as a choice filled with peace and self-care. From personal anecdotes about divorce and separation from loved ones, we unveil strategies to overcome loneliness by finding new ways to connect, emphasizing the power of kindness, self-compassion, and small, meaningful interactions.
Finding purpose and joy can transform the holiday experience. Tricia and I discuss the impact of volunteering and meaningful gift-giving, highlighting how stepping out of daily routines can enrich our lives and those around us. Discover the transformative power of engaging in charity work and the joy of creating heartfelt, handmade gifts. We explore the necessity of self-care and gratitude, encouraging listeners to indulge in personal comforts while planning for future happiness. Tune in for an inspiring conversation that promises to lift your spirits and help you find connection and purpose, even during times of the hectic and at times stressful holiday season.
Chapters
00:04 - Navigating Holidays Alone
06:05 - Navigating Loneliness and Connection
15:36 - Finding Connection During Holiday Loneliness
20:47 - Finding Purpose Through Volunteering
26:02 - Finding Joy and Gratitude During Holidays
Transcript
WEBVTT
00:00:04.589 --> 00:00:06.514
I'm Carrie Brett, and this is Shot at Love.
00:00:06.514 --> 00:00:14.467
Today's guest is Dr Tricia Rose, an optometrist and philanthropist who recently launcheda new blog, rose Colored Glasses.
00:00:14.467 --> 00:00:21.547
Rose Colored Glasses is a space for women to gather stories about self-love, relationships, new beginnings and giving back.
00:00:21.547 --> 00:00:26.149
Tricia believes life is about learning, letting go and moving forward.
00:00:26.149 --> 00:00:30.789
In this week's episode, we will discuss how to celebrate Christmas on our own.
00:00:30.789 --> 00:00:36.929
This holiday season will feel lonely and different for everyone, while many of us will be spending it alone.
00:00:36.929 --> 00:00:44.185
Trisha will share tips that helped her in the past, strategies we all should turn to this year when we come back.
00:00:44.185 --> 00:00:50.619
Trisha will share her lens on loneliness and how to overcome these failings during this pandemic holiday season.
00:00:50.619 --> 00:00:52.426
You won't want to miss it, so stay tuned.
00:01:00.161 --> 00:01:09.049
Dr Tricia Rose is an accomplished optometrist who created a charity called Envision Boston Giving, which gifted inner city children screenings and glasses.
00:01:09.049 --> 00:01:13.391
Giving back and helping others was always who Tricia was at the core.
00:01:13.391 --> 00:01:19.659
Tricia was successful in every sense of the word, but she also faced her fair share of setbacks.
00:01:19.659 --> 00:01:25.253
She got divorced when her daughter was just three months old and the universe had other plans for her.
00:01:25.253 --> 00:01:29.712
She got married, sold her practice, wrote a book on motherhood and launched a new blog.
00:01:29.712 --> 00:01:37.093
Tricia and her husband, tim Stone, are currently busy blending their families along both coasts, splitting their time between Boston and LA.
00:01:37.093 --> 00:01:42.632
Tricia knows an awful lot about challenges and changes, as well as spending the holidays alone.
00:01:42.632 --> 00:01:47.212
It's my pleasure to welcome my amazing friend, tricia Rose.
00:01:47.212 --> 00:01:49.066
Welcome, tricia.
00:01:49.379 --> 00:01:51.268
Hi Keri, Thank you for having me.
00:01:51.799 --> 00:01:53.146
Oh, thanks so much for being here.
00:01:53.146 --> 00:01:54.546
Christmas sure came early for me.
00:01:54.546 --> 00:01:55.864
What a gift to have you here.
00:01:55.864 --> 00:01:57.269
I'm psyched, thank you.
00:01:57.900 --> 00:02:10.227
So today we're going to talk about this tough week, because it's going to be a tough week whether you're single or not, and most of us have felt extremely isolated and alone during this pandemic.
00:02:10.227 --> 00:02:12.830
We're tired, we're worn out.
00:02:12.830 --> 00:02:21.944
Today we're going to talk about how we can put a plan in place to combat these feelings of loneliness during this challenging holiday season.
00:02:21.944 --> 00:02:30.055
I'm going to share what I think works, and Trisha's going to share her seven strategies from a recent article on rose-colored glasses.
00:02:30.055 --> 00:02:32.181
So, trisha, are you ready to do this?
00:02:32.181 --> 00:02:34.826
Yes, all right, let's dive right in.
00:02:34.947 --> 00:02:42.828
The holidays are hard in general, especially if you've recently experienced a breakup or lost a loved one.
00:02:42.828 --> 00:02:52.032
Preventing the spread of COVID has led to canceling holiday trips and holiday plans, leaving most people disappointed, heartbroken and sad.
00:02:52.032 --> 00:03:05.637
I think we have to realize that this holiday isn't going to be like most years and we need to manage our expectations because really it's one day and I know that's helped a lot of people, especially during Thanksgiving.
00:03:05.637 --> 00:03:09.728
When I say that to helped a lot of people, especially during Thanksgiving, when I say that to them I say you know what, if you're having a bad day, go to bed early.
00:03:09.728 --> 00:03:11.526
When you wake up it's not a holiday.
00:03:11.526 --> 00:03:19.931
You know it's really one day and you can do anything for one day and then it will be a new year and new beginnings.
00:03:20.099 --> 00:03:25.870
So you and I I really thought we have gone through holidays alone together.
00:03:25.870 --> 00:03:34.747
We've supported each other during certain holidays, we've healed and cried and had.
00:03:34.747 --> 00:03:41.270
You know, different things bring up the past and we've worked through it and we've helped support each other.
00:03:41.270 --> 00:03:58.734
And I think when you live through so many holidays alone and you and you get divorced or you have bad breakups, that that you fundamentally change and you think and you look out for people who are suffering and are isolated and that stays with you and you never.
00:03:58.734 --> 00:04:07.335
You know that empathy of that pain is so raw and it's so blueprinted and ever-present in your mind.
00:04:07.335 --> 00:04:15.431
And when I ever saw this article that you wrote, I thought this is just so perfect for the mission of what you're trying to do with rose-colored glasses.
00:04:15.431 --> 00:04:20.947
So people are heartbroken, they're sad, it's not going to be like most years.
00:04:20.947 --> 00:04:31.790
Let's talk about how you learned to cope when your daughter was with her dad and your top tips and what worked for you.
00:04:32.072 --> 00:04:32.692
Great, great.
00:04:32.692 --> 00:04:41.802
I want to say first, though, something kind of about what kind of in reaction to what you just said before about having to go through difficult holidays in the past.
00:04:41.802 --> 00:04:43.625
And I do think that way.
00:04:43.625 --> 00:05:13.202
I think that there are some people that maybe are very, very blessed, that are our age and that have not experienced difficult holidays where someone isn't there whether it's someone is sick or they're recently divorced or their child isn't with them because they're divorced and their child's with their ex-spouse and it really does change the way for me.
00:05:13.202 --> 00:05:25.733
It changed the way I experienced the holiday season, because I had to make it work, I had to survive it, I had to find alternative strategies so that I could wrap up the holiday season and still feel good about it, feel like I made the most of it.
00:05:25.733 --> 00:05:36.797
So I do think when you've been down that road, you do have just a different compassion, or just you look for people that are alone, because you've been that person before.
00:05:37.276 --> 00:06:05.350
Right Right, I talked about being the Grinch on my last episode with Sid McNary the Grinch on my last episode with Sid McNary and he said you know, you need to lose being the Grinch or he had the utmost compassion for someone who was the Grinch because he felt and he'll be fine with me talking about this but he felt that what was wrong with that person that became so angry or so depressed during the holiday?
00:06:05.350 --> 00:06:07.247
Something had to happen to them in their past.
00:06:07.247 --> 00:06:12.591
When I read that in his book, I was like, oh my God, I need to heal the Grinch.
00:06:12.591 --> 00:06:28.672
And so I made it a point to decorate this elaborate tree and I spent the entire day and the next morning the tree was on the ground and everything was broken and I texted Sid and I said well, old habits die hard.
00:06:28.920 --> 00:06:37.110
And he was like I'm laughing so hard right now, and I said, I could have slipped at that point into a real bad depression.
00:06:37.110 --> 00:06:52.701
But I caught myself, I went out, went out and I went shopping and got a few new things and I came back and I'll tell you, the tree is 10 times more beautiful because I I don't know, I was just determined to make it look nice for like four days to then take down.
00:06:52.701 --> 00:07:02.889
But you know, I, I am working on healing that inner Grinch and uh, and even now I'm in a relationship almost five years and I still have trouble.
00:07:02.889 --> 00:07:08.540
So even if you're in a happy relationship, those feelings just never go away.
00:07:09.523 --> 00:07:21.487
Yeah, and it's also like a storyline that sometimes gets stuck in our head and our minds, that we're replaying what we felt on past holidays years ago.
00:07:21.487 --> 00:07:27.882
Those feelings just come right to the surface, even when life overall can be pretty good.
00:07:27.882 --> 00:07:32.052
It's like they're still inside and they, they, they're going to come up.
00:07:32.052 --> 00:07:33.704
The feelings are going to come up on the holidays.
00:07:33.704 --> 00:07:35.509
The holidays are so hard.
00:07:35.749 --> 00:07:44.879
Yeah, they are hard and the triggers with the different shows like Elf or um, you know the polar express, like I remember.
00:07:44.879 --> 00:07:45.355
It's so funny to think of.
00:07:45.293 --> 00:07:46.687
Elf as a trigger, but yeah, you know the polar express, like I remember.
00:07:46.687 --> 00:07:49.024
It's so funny to think of elf as a trigger, but yeah, you know you've had a hard life.
00:07:49.064 --> 00:08:00.726
I mean, don't even put me near a wonderful life Like just don't even have it in the room.
00:08:00.726 --> 00:08:06.463
Um, I love the sound of music though, because I just watched that as a child, so that's a happy memory.
00:08:06.463 --> 00:08:10.956
But I'm telling you, this week I'm already wearing a helmet.
00:08:10.956 --> 00:08:12.942
This is really a hard time.
00:08:12.942 --> 00:08:24.461
So it was important to me to address this loneliness, because those are the people who send me cards, those are my people, those are the people who write me notes and listen to the show, and I wish there was a way.
00:08:24.461 --> 00:08:31.750
And I talked to someone today who is single and she said to me why don't people reach out?
00:08:31.790 --> 00:08:47.750
They're all suffering in silence, ashamed and alone at home, in pain, and they don't reach out, and I've seen this so much with this past year, where people are in survival and they can't get out of their own way.
00:08:47.750 --> 00:09:00.374
And so today we are going to give some strategies which I think are going to help, and I'm going to weigh in, and I have my own twisted ones, but yours are very elegant and intelligent.
00:09:00.374 --> 00:09:08.573
So here are Tricia Rose's seven tips for overcoming feelings of loneliness this holiday season.
00:09:08.573 --> 00:09:14.312
Number one remember the difference between loneliness and solitude.
00:09:14.312 --> 00:09:16.889
Tricia, can you expand on this?
00:09:17.059 --> 00:09:33.114
Yes, because when you're alone in a room, you can view it either as okay, I'm really lonely, like I'm sitting here and I'm looking at the four walls and I'm watching TV and I'm feeling this extreme loneliness inside.
00:09:33.114 --> 00:09:49.202
And take the same exact situation where you're alone in a room and if you experience it as solitude, there is a peacefulness that goes with it and you feel almost like you're making a choice to be alone.
00:09:49.202 --> 00:09:58.884
It's not such a punishment or an extremely painful experience, it's just you're in solitude right now.
00:09:58.884 --> 00:10:00.929
It's temporary, you're just kind of.
00:10:01.009 --> 00:10:07.760
I put an image in there of the sailboat because it's like you're floating through, you're like a sailboat and you can see in the distance.
00:10:07.760 --> 00:10:09.043
There are other sailboats you could.
00:10:09.043 --> 00:10:23.549
You could sail closer to if you want to, but at this moment you're choosing to just be floating alone, on your own, as your own sailboat, and it's like a lot more peaceful and reassuring because you're you're alone.
00:10:23.549 --> 00:10:25.474
Alone but you're part of something else.
00:10:25.474 --> 00:10:29.609
You're connected, but you're choosing that moment for solitude.
00:10:29.609 --> 00:10:40.274
It's almost like a moment to have more self-care, versus lonely, which is very full of despair right like really a very different.
00:10:40.514 --> 00:10:41.801
It's like two sides of a coin.
00:10:41.801 --> 00:10:52.346
One side of the coin is I'm having a beautiful day in solitude, enjoying my thoughts, enjoying the music I'm listening to, enjoying the book I'm reading versus devastation.
00:10:52.346 --> 00:10:53.226
Like I'm alone.
00:10:53.226 --> 00:10:54.168
I'm so lonely.
00:10:54.408 --> 00:11:12.258
But it's the same exact circumstance and you're like, oh, solitude, a sailboat, and I look at it and I just think of like Tom Hanks in Castaway, like drowning and screaming for Wilson, like you know, like that's how my mind works.
00:11:12.258 --> 00:11:18.700
But you have this beautiful way of framing things, like it's not loneliness, it's solitude.
00:11:19.039 --> 00:11:22.505
I'm like you know, yeah, I know, I know.
00:11:22.505 --> 00:11:27.246
But you know, I think that, think that of course there are times you're going to feel the loneliness I mean.
00:11:27.246 --> 00:11:29.138
I'm going to feel lonely like I had again.
00:11:29.138 --> 00:11:30.903
Like we talked before about being divorced.
00:11:30.903 --> 00:11:42.484
Very young I had my little tiny daughter going to Canada, 2,000 miles away, the entire Christmas holiday every other year and I had moments of extreme pain and loneliness like I just couldn't believe I had the holiday without her.
00:11:42.484 --> 00:11:49.355
But over time I developed a way of looking at it as, like this is my time for myself, that I'm going to enjoy my solitude.
00:11:49.740 --> 00:11:50.962
I chose a different path.
00:11:51.664 --> 00:11:56.501
Right, you totally did, and we're going to talk about the different things you did and I.
00:11:56.501 --> 00:11:58.683
It just shows the lack of information.
00:11:58.683 --> 00:12:09.096
I mean, we both got divorced with babies and having that little child with a little you know backpack to go off.
00:12:09.200 --> 00:12:12.105
It's awful, I mean it's that will never leave you.
00:12:12.246 --> 00:12:13.690
No, no, it's awful.
00:12:13.929 --> 00:12:14.692
It is awful.
00:12:14.692 --> 00:12:17.263
Um, it's really sad.
00:12:17.263 --> 00:12:29.543
Uh, I can remember my divorce lawyer saying she's only going to celebrate Santa these many years and then it will be done, and I'm like that's such a depressing way to frame it.
00:12:29.543 --> 00:12:36.043
But you had to kind of go into some kind of military mindset to just get through these holidays.
00:12:36.043 --> 00:12:38.466
It's it really, um is crazy.
00:12:38.466 --> 00:12:43.442
But I do think it's the way you reframe this day.
00:12:43.442 --> 00:12:52.620
And this is where I think what you're trying to do and what you are successful in doing with rose colored glasses, is how, how are we going to change our attitude?
00:12:52.620 --> 00:13:00.160
And I think this year, because I'm not the Grinch anymore, and day by day and hour by hour, I'm really trying.
00:13:00.160 --> 00:13:10.494
I'm looking at the holiday as an opportunity to be alone, with no obligation and a free pass to have a day off.
00:13:10.934 --> 00:13:22.941
You know it's true, and I remember this is kind of silly, but I remember listening one time to Oprah saying something about this, about, like how there's nothing more blissful to her than just being alone, like it's.
00:13:22.941 --> 00:13:40.486
I think when you get to the other side of it, I think when you really go through all these different like I don't know evolutions or whatever it is, you get to that point where that's your happiest moment is when you can really be with yourself and really be content and enjoy your own company.
00:13:40.486 --> 00:13:43.113
But we just have to go through a lot to get to that point.
00:13:44.240 --> 00:13:45.827
But Oprah had Stedman in her dogs.
00:13:45.827 --> 00:13:48.125
What is she talking about?
00:13:48.405 --> 00:13:48.927
That's true.
00:13:48.927 --> 00:13:50.850
That's true, she did so.
00:13:50.850 --> 00:13:51.572
We can't count that.
00:13:51.659 --> 00:13:54.386
No, we can't count that Love, oprah Can't count it.
00:13:54.386 --> 00:13:56.412
Okay, number two.
00:13:56.412 --> 00:14:03.572
Now your second tip is the feeling of being connected is mainly a state of mind.
00:14:03.572 --> 00:14:04.153
Yeah, yeah.
00:14:04.153 --> 00:14:24.649
And you talk about the feeling of being alone in the middle of a party and that really resonated with me because I can remember being alone and trying to you know, dating and being with my large Irish Catholic family and feeling so alone when I had so many people around me.
00:14:25.254 --> 00:14:34.681
Yeah, that's really a great example of what I was trying to say in this point, because it is an internal feeling, it's an internal experience.
00:14:35.120 --> 00:14:49.330
I mean I could think of times where I was feeling alone too, and I would be alone in New York City, walking around and feel, and then all of a sudden I would just feel so connected, like I felt like I was part of something bigger even though I was alone.
00:14:49.809 --> 00:15:14.582
So I could feel really connected, walking around Boston by myself or walking around New York by myself or sitting at home, like doing something, I feel like I'm connected, I'm part of this big world, like I'm an important part of this huge, huge master like situation and but yet, like you said, I can be surrounded with my family and friends and be feeling this like inner feeling of like I feel really lonely.
00:15:14.582 --> 00:15:17.736
So it's like that's a great like you can turn it.
00:15:17.736 --> 00:15:21.205
You can turn it into the other way if you you can.
00:15:21.205 --> 00:15:33.405
You can seek that feeling of connection when you are alone and you can think of times in your past when you were alone and felt really connected and like look at that time and say, oh yeah, I felt in your past when you were alone and felt really connected and like look at that time and say, oh yeah, I felt that way before when I was alone.
00:15:33.405 --> 00:15:36.504
I'm going to try to feel that way now as much as I can.
00:15:36.985 --> 00:15:47.561
Right, I was talking to someone this morning about dating during the holidays and I was like I went on a date on December 23rd who does that other than me?
00:15:47.561 --> 00:15:56.056
And then I went on a date on Christmas Eve, a second date on Christmas Eve and it worked out great because I didn't have to be alone on Christmas Eve.
00:15:56.056 --> 00:15:58.139
And then I had a great date for New Year's.
00:15:58.139 --> 00:16:02.089
But she said, wow, you're really brave.
00:16:02.089 --> 00:16:04.498
And I was like I don't think that's brave.
00:16:04.498 --> 00:16:09.244
I think that was someone who couldn't handle being alone.
00:16:09.244 --> 00:16:16.553
So going out with a stranger on Christmas Eve was better than me, like you said, looking at the four walls.
00:16:17.095 --> 00:16:17.215
Yeah.
00:16:17.254 --> 00:16:18.841
Because I just couldn't bear it.
00:16:18.841 --> 00:16:23.183
I couldn't do another holiday by myself.
00:16:23.705 --> 00:16:24.606
Yeah, I know it is.
00:16:24.606 --> 00:16:26.135
I mean, we all go through our.
00:16:26.135 --> 00:17:00.381
I feel like everyone has their own process they go through and in these situations and I just feel like for me over the years, when I started to cultivate that sense of connection, that didn't come, you know, out of nowhere, like I went through what you went through, like we probably were very similar, like where I had to go through a lot of painful experiences to finally kind of wake up and be like I can change the way I'm doing this because it is more natural to want to just grab, like just be with someone, even though it's not the right person right.
00:17:00.442 --> 00:17:04.680
Because the loneliness is too big Like you just can't even imagine being alone.
00:17:04.680 --> 00:17:11.042
So I don't want to say that oh yeah, right away, the first year you're away from your kids, you're going to jump right into the state of mind I'm writing about.
00:17:11.042 --> 00:17:12.465
That took years.
00:17:12.465 --> 00:17:23.751
That took a lot of years and time, but at least you can see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you can get to that point where you feel you can choose to feel that interconnection.
00:17:23.751 --> 00:17:27.340
It's really connecting with your own self and your own higher power.
00:17:27.340 --> 00:17:30.087
It it's really that connection that's the key.
00:17:30.087 --> 00:17:37.221
But I wouldn't beat yourself up if this holiday you need to, you just can't do it yeah because this is a really tough holiday.
00:17:37.303 --> 00:17:44.505
This is extreme, so I think everyone should be very kind to themselves, no matter what they're doing, and not judge themselves this year Right.
00:17:45.134 --> 00:17:58.707
So in the number two you talk about different ways that we can feel connected with others, and I can remember we, a couple of us we met, socially distanced, and went swimming in the ocean.
00:17:58.707 --> 00:18:05.307
Yeah, so fun, it was so fun and it really your friends and other people lift you up.
00:18:05.307 --> 00:18:06.717
Let's be honest.
00:18:06.717 --> 00:18:09.824
But what happens for me on the holidays?
00:18:09.824 --> 00:18:22.915
And now I wonder if this is going to be a thing that people are just going to be alone for the holidays, like for Christmas, like they're going to have that option to do that For me it has been so painful that I don't want to talk to anyone.
00:18:22.915 --> 00:18:28.006
I would just shut down, get through the day and just not deal.
00:18:28.006 --> 00:18:33.840
But for the people who do want to feel connected with others, what were some of the suggestions you had on your blog?
00:18:33.840 --> 00:18:34.542
Do you remember, um?
00:18:35.484 --> 00:19:09.746
I think in that section I talked about reaching out to people like phone calls or zoom calls or like socially distanced gatherings, like even just 10 minutes with someone, like even just a small encounter like you can really lift my spirit like I feel like even just if someone is, you know, if it's really cold and you can't come inside, just meeting outside and having talk, like having a hot chocolate, like standing apart, whatever it is, I really think it can have like an energy shift.
00:19:09.954 --> 00:19:18.105
Like an energy can shift, like you bring up that example of the summer when we were swimming and it's like it really wasn't planned, it wasn't a big deal.
00:19:18.105 --> 00:19:19.047
We just said, oh, let's meet now.
00:19:19.047 --> 00:19:24.667
But it's like just even having those like hour or two, it like lift my mood for an entire week.
00:19:25.154 --> 00:19:25.296
Right.
00:19:25.637 --> 00:19:26.521
It doesn't take much.
00:19:26.521 --> 00:19:28.974
It's not like you have to have like 12 hours with someone.
00:19:28.974 --> 00:19:30.017
Right, it doesn't take much.
00:19:30.017 --> 00:19:33.623
It's not like you have to have like 12 hours with someone, even just a small connection.
00:19:33.903 --> 00:19:34.744
I think is huge, right, so you?
00:19:34.744 --> 00:19:34.806
So?
00:19:34.826 --> 00:20:00.884
number three is make small talk with others while running errands around town, and this one is the best because I feel like people are literally in relationships with the checkout clerk or the FedEx guy or someone who delivers the checkout clerk or the FedEx guy or someone who delivers DoorDash, like for real, yeah Cause, you know what I feel like when you're in a, in the line at the store or you're waiting, you're DoorDash delivery guy or whatever it's like.
00:20:00.884 --> 00:20:07.026
You just realize like it's not just me, Like there's all these other people out there and I'm lonely, but this person is working.
00:20:07.026 --> 00:20:08.498
Like they're actually working right now.
00:20:08.498 --> 00:20:14.785
They don't have the luxury of like taking a bath right now or watching a movie, and like I can connect with this person.
00:20:14.785 --> 00:20:17.703
They're also in the same, they're in the same world.
00:20:17.703 --> 00:20:21.766
I'm in Like it's like a feeling of we're not alone, we're all together.
00:20:21.766 --> 00:20:25.262
We're together but we're separate, but you know we're, we're all together going through this.
00:20:31.355 --> 00:20:37.366
Right, but it's that small talk I mean, and I feel bad for these clerks because it's, you know, a hello turns into a mini therapy session.
00:20:37.366 --> 00:20:41.662
And it's true because people are so starved for any connection.
00:20:42.544 --> 00:20:47.076
I know, I know it's true and it's like they, they, they definitely are.
00:20:47.076 --> 00:21:07.406
And I think that just getting out and having that time I mean I don't know if you've done this, but during this period of time there were moments here in the South Shore where I would go a week without going to get coffee, like my husband brings it home, or like we're ordering in and I'm not doing anything.
00:21:07.406 --> 00:21:13.002
And then I would go out one time with him or alone, and I'd be like why haven't I been doing this?
00:21:13.002 --> 00:21:14.894
Like this is a really big deal for me.
00:21:14.934 --> 00:21:17.422
You're like this is a high that I never knew I could have.
00:21:17.522 --> 00:21:31.105
Yeah, I'm like just getting out of my house and driving in my car and seeing little kids, you know, walking down the street and realizing there is life out there, like I can get out of my house and like be part of the life that's happening.
00:21:31.526 --> 00:21:32.067
It's crazy.
00:21:32.067 --> 00:21:38.702
It's crazy, so I know we can't do this right now, but you, this was brilliant, that you would go to a retreat sometimes.
00:21:38.702 --> 00:21:39.884
Yeah, yeah.
00:21:40.767 --> 00:21:41.028
I did.
00:21:41.028 --> 00:21:41.796
I did that too.
00:21:41.796 --> 00:21:49.009
Um, I had that time like I was really, you know, basically a hundred percent single mom because my ex lived in Western Canada.
00:21:49.009 --> 00:21:56.436
So I had my daughter all the time, and so eventually, when she would go with him, I would make it a really special time for myself.
00:21:56.436 --> 00:21:57.980
That's how that's what evolved into.
00:21:57.980 --> 00:22:07.719
So it evolved first from me being dreaded, dreading the whole thing, to eventually saying, okay, this is the year she can be with her dad, so I'm going to go and do three days at Kripalu.
00:22:07.719 --> 00:22:10.523
I'm going to go do something really special for myself.
00:22:10.523 --> 00:22:12.788
I'm going to have an at-home retreat this year.
00:22:12.788 --> 00:22:15.160
I'm going to read this book, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that.
00:22:15.160 --> 00:22:20.259
And so I turned it into a really, really beautiful experience instead of a miserable experience.
00:22:20.279 --> 00:22:25.136
Right, I wish we were friends because I did not do a yoga retreat.
00:22:25.136 --> 00:22:26.179
Okay.
00:22:29.042 --> 00:22:30.806
You really handle things in a healthy way.
00:22:30.846 --> 00:22:31.146
Tricia.
00:22:31.146 --> 00:22:31.667
That's good.
00:22:31.667 --> 00:22:35.401
So, number four, volunteer Tricia.
00:22:35.401 --> 00:22:41.240
This one's a big one for you, and you believe your charity work was the magnetic force that pulled your husband towards you.
00:22:41.260 --> 00:22:42.163
Oh for sure, for sure.
00:22:42.163 --> 00:22:44.417
And I think the thing I think about that now too.
00:22:44.417 --> 00:22:45.582
I was just thinking about it today.
00:22:45.582 --> 00:23:09.565
Actually, I was thinking about some of the we're working on some charity pieces on my blog, but I was thinking about like there's nothing that's going to get you out of yourself more than volunteering, because you have to step out of your drama, out of your little small drama, and you go into another world where people are actually in need financially or basic supplies.
00:23:09.565 --> 00:23:16.971
They don't have food, they don't have the warm clothing and it's just takes you immediately out of your own head.
00:23:17.511 --> 00:23:26.425
And so, besides the fact that you're doing something positive for other people, it's like the benefit I'm getting when I do that is I get to step out of my drama, like.
00:23:26.425 --> 00:23:33.884
I know that sounds silly, but I'm actually forced because I'm looking at someone else saying, okay, I can actually help you, I can do something for you.
00:23:33.884 --> 00:23:41.027
And I feel really, really good about myself now and I feel happy that I can help you and I can make some kind of improvement and benefit you.
00:23:41.027 --> 00:23:43.480
And it's just, it's for sure.
00:23:43.480 --> 00:23:45.325
For me that's like the number one thing.
00:23:45.726 --> 00:23:59.715
I agree, and it's that getting out of your head like you said and you're not focused on yourself, right, you're not focused on your drama, the storyline that you keep telling yourself Right, right, right You're focused on others, which raises your vibration and makes you feel better.
00:23:59.935 --> 00:24:01.641
And also you're doing something with it.
00:24:01.641 --> 00:24:04.395
It's like when you're volunteering, there's an active part to it.
00:24:04.395 --> 00:24:07.401
It's not just I'm volunteering by reading this book.
00:24:07.401 --> 00:24:10.105
It's like I'm engaging with people.
00:24:10.105 --> 00:24:15.363
I'm engaging, I'm doing something I'm building, I'm making crafts, I'm making cards for people.
00:24:15.363 --> 00:24:19.566
I'm doing something active which is also, I think, really helpful to get out of my own head.
00:24:19.906 --> 00:24:26.683
Right, and I talk about this year how I was really an autopilot and really busy and working all the time.
00:24:26.683 --> 00:24:37.945
But it was kind of a good thing because I couldn't think about myself, I had to just keep my business going and all the struggles that small businesses had.
00:24:37.945 --> 00:24:47.740
And I think about this time now that we're moving into where it tends to get slower and people are like, oh, aren't you excited for that?
00:24:47.740 --> 00:24:57.097
And I do want to do something that's volunteer, because I do feel like this can be like a little depressing window before we go head into the new year.
00:24:57.097 --> 00:25:01.028
Do you have any ideas of what people can do to volunteer?
00:25:02.016 --> 00:25:10.807
I actually just put something out today on the website I'm working with a woman on this but we came up with 10 charities that are really focusing on women and children.
00:25:10.807 --> 00:25:33.823
So I really think, just like going through and finding one of the charities that resonates with you and seeing what they need right now, like if you really want to get involved I'm sure there's need at this moment everywhere, because the need is so high across this country so, just finding one that you feel drawn to, and researching and finding what can I do?
00:25:33.823 --> 00:25:34.645
Can I show up?
00:25:34.645 --> 00:25:35.991
Can I deliver meals to people?
00:25:35.991 --> 00:25:39.923
There's a lot of people that are looking for drivers Can I drive the meals to the homes?
00:25:39.923 --> 00:25:41.666
Can I bag the groceries?
00:25:41.666 --> 00:25:43.096
Like what is it that I can do?
00:00:04.589 --> 00:00:06.514
00:00:06.514 --> 00:00:14.467
00:00:14.467 --> 00:00:21.547
00:00:21.547 --> 00:00:26.149
00:00:26.149 --> 00:00:30.789
00:00:30.789 --> 00:00:36.929
00:00:36.929 --> 00:00:44.185
00:00:44.185 --> 00:00:50.619
00:00:50.619 --> 00:00:52.426
00:01:00.161 --> 00:01:09.049
00:01:09.049 --> 00:01:13.391
00:01:13.391 --> 00:01:19.659
00:01:19.659 --> 00:01:25.253
00:01:25.253 --> 00:01:29.712
00:01:29.712 --> 00:01:37.093
00:01:37.093 --> 00:01:42.632
00:01:42.632 --> 00:01:47.212
00:01:47.212 --> 00:01:49.066
00:01:49.379 --> 00:01:51.268
00:01:51.799 --> 00:01:53.146
00:01:53.146 --> 00:01:54.546
00:01:54.546 --> 00:01:55.864
00:01:55.864 --> 00:01:57.269
00:01:57.900 --> 00:02:10.227
00:02:10.227 --> 00:02:12.830
00:02:12.830 --> 00:02:21.944
00:02:21.944 --> 00:02:30.055
00:02:30.055 --> 00:02:32.181
00:02:32.181 --> 00:02:34.826
00:02:34.947 --> 00:02:42.828
00:02:42.828 --> 00:02:52.032
00:02:52.032 --> 00:03:05.637
00:03:05.637 --> 00:03:09.728
00:03:09.728 --> 00:03:11.526
00:03:11.526 --> 00:03:19.931
00:03:20.099 --> 00:03:25.870
00:03:25.870 --> 00:03:34.747
00:03:34.747 --> 00:03:41.270
00:03:41.270 --> 00:03:58.734
00:03:58.734 --> 00:04:07.335
00:04:07.335 --> 00:04:15.431
00:04:15.431 --> 00:04:20.947
00:04:20.947 --> 00:04:31.790
00:04:32.072 --> 00:04:32.692
00:04:32.692 --> 00:04:41.802
00:04:41.802 --> 00:04:43.625
00:04:43.625 --> 00:05:13.202
00:05:13.202 --> 00:05:25.733
00:05:25.733 --> 00:05:36.797
00:05:37.276 --> 00:06:05.350
00:06:05.350 --> 00:06:07.247
00:06:07.247 --> 00:06:12.591
00:06:12.591 --> 00:06:28.672
00:06:28.920 --> 00:06:37.110
00:06:37.110 --> 00:06:52.701
00:06:52.701 --> 00:07:02.889
00:07:02.889 --> 00:07:08.540
00:07:09.523 --> 00:07:21.487
00:07:21.487 --> 00:07:27.882
00:07:27.882 --> 00:07:32.052
00:07:32.052 --> 00:07:33.704
00:07:33.704 --> 00:07:35.509
00:07:35.749 --> 00:07:44.879
00:07:44.879 --> 00:07:45.355
00:07:45.293 --> 00:07:46.687
00:07:46.687 --> 00:07:49.024
00:07:49.064 --> 00:08:00.726
00:08:00.726 --> 00:08:06.463
00:08:06.463 --> 00:08:10.956
00:08:10.956 --> 00:08:12.942
00:08:12.942 --> 00:08:24.461
00:08:24.461 --> 00:08:31.750
00:08:31.790 --> 00:08:47.750
00:08:47.750 --> 00:09:00.374
00:09:00.374 --> 00:09:08.573
00:09:08.573 --> 00:09:14.312
00:09:14.312 --> 00:09:16.889
00:09:17.059 --> 00:09:33.114
00:09:33.114 --> 00:09:49.202
00:09:49.202 --> 00:09:58.884
00:09:58.884 --> 00:10:00.929
00:10:01.009 --> 00:10:07.760
00:10:07.760 --> 00:10:09.043
00:10:09.043 --> 00:10:23.549
00:10:23.549 --> 00:10:25.474
00:10:25.474 --> 00:10:29.609
00:10:29.609 --> 00:10:40.274
00:10:40.514 --> 00:10:41.801
00:10:41.801 --> 00:10:52.346
00:10:52.346 --> 00:10:53.226
00:10:53.226 --> 00:10:54.168
00:10:54.408 --> 00:11:12.258
00:11:12.258 --> 00:11:18.700
00:11:19.039 --> 00:11:22.505
00:11:22.505 --> 00:11:27.246
00:11:27.246 --> 00:11:29.138
00:11:29.138 --> 00:11:30.903
00:11:30.903 --> 00:11:42.484
00:11:42.484 --> 00:11:49.355
00:11:49.740 --> 00:11:50.962
00:11:51.664 --> 00:11:56.501
00:11:56.501 --> 00:11:58.683
00:11:58.683 --> 00:12:09.096
00:12:09.200 --> 00:12:12.105
00:12:12.246 --> 00:12:13.690
00:12:13.929 --> 00:12:14.692
00:12:14.692 --> 00:12:17.263
00:12:17.263 --> 00:12:29.543
00:12:29.543 --> 00:12:36.043
00:12:36.043 --> 00:12:38.466
00:12:38.466 --> 00:12:43.442
00:12:43.442 --> 00:12:52.620
00:12:52.620 --> 00:13:00.160
00:13:00.160 --> 00:13:10.494
00:13:10.934 --> 00:13:22.941
00:13:22.941 --> 00:13:40.486
00:13:40.486 --> 00:13:43.113
00:13:44.240 --> 00:13:45.827
00:13:45.827 --> 00:13:48.125
00:13:48.405 --> 00:13:48.927
00:13:48.927 --> 00:13:50.850
00:13:50.850 --> 00:13:51.572
00:13:51.659 --> 00:13:54.386
00:13:54.386 --> 00:13:56.412
00:13:56.412 --> 00:14:03.572
00:14:03.572 --> 00:14:04.153
00:14:04.153 --> 00:14:24.649
00:14:25.254 --> 00:14:34.681
00:14:35.120 --> 00:14:49.330
00:14:49.809 --> 00:15:14.582
00:15:14.582 --> 00:15:17.736
00:15:17.736 --> 00:15:21.205
00:15:21.205 --> 00:15:33.405
00:15:33.405 --> 00:15:36.504
00:15:36.985 --> 00:15:47.561
00:15:47.561 --> 00:15:56.056
00:15:56.056 --> 00:15:58.139
00:15:58.139 --> 00:16:02.089
00:16:02.089 --> 00:16:04.498
00:16:04.498 --> 00:16:09.244
00:16:09.244 --> 00:16:16.553
00:16:17.095 --> 00:16:17.215
00:16:17.254 --> 00:16:18.841
00:16:18.841 --> 00:16:23.183
00:16:23.705 --> 00:16:24.606
00:16:24.606 --> 00:16:26.135
00:16:26.135 --> 00:17:00.381
00:17:00.442 --> 00:17:04.680
00:17:04.680 --> 00:17:11.042
00:17:11.042 --> 00:17:12.465
00:17:12.465 --> 00:17:23.751
00:17:23.751 --> 00:17:27.340
00:17:27.340 --> 00:17:30.087
00:17:30.087 --> 00:17:37.221
00:17:37.303 --> 00:17:44.505
00:17:45.134 --> 00:17:58.707
00:17:58.707 --> 00:18:05.307
00:18:05.307 --> 00:18:06.717
00:18:06.717 --> 00:18:09.824
00:18:09.824 --> 00:18:22.915
00:18:22.915 --> 00:18:28.006
00:18:28.006 --> 00:18:33.840
00:18:33.840 --> 00:18:34.542
00:18:35.484 --> 00:19:09.746
00:19:09.954 --> 00:19:18.105
00:19:18.105 --> 00:19:19.047
00:19:19.047 --> 00:19:24.667
00:19:25.154 --> 00:19:25.296
00:19:25.637 --> 00:19:26.521
00:19:26.521 --> 00:19:28.974
00:19:28.974 --> 00:19:30.017
00:19:30.017 --> 00:19:33.623
00:19:33.903 --> 00:19:34.744
00:19:34.744 --> 00:19:34.806
00:19:34.826 --> 00:20:00.884
00:20:00.884 --> 00:20:07.026
00:20:07.026 --> 00:20:08.498
00:20:08.498 --> 00:20:14.785
00:20:14.785 --> 00:20:17.703
00:20:17.703 --> 00:20:21.766
00:20:21.766 --> 00:20:25.262
00:20:31.355 --> 00:20:37.366
00:20:37.366 --> 00:20:41.662
00:20:42.544 --> 00:20:47.076
00:20:47.076 --> 00:21:07.406
00:21:07.406 --> 00:21:13.002
00:21:13.002 --> 00:21:14.894
00:21:14.934 --> 00:21:17.422
00:21:17.522 --> 00:21:31.105
00:21:31.526 --> 00:21:32.067
00:21:32.067 --> 00:21:38.702
00:21:38.702 --> 00:21:39.884
00:21:40.767 --> 00:21:41.028
00:21:41.028 --> 00:21:41.796
00:21:41.796 --> 00:21:49.009
00:21:49.009 --> 00:21:56.436
00:21:56.436 --> 00:21:57.980
00:21:57.980 --> 00:22:07.719
00:22:07.719 --> 00:22:10.523
00:22:10.523 --> 00:22:12.788
00:22:12.788 --> 00:22:15.160
00:22:15.160 --> 00:22:20.259
00:22:20.279 --> 00:22:25.136
00:22:25.136 --> 00:22:26.179
00:22:29.042 --> 00:22:30.806
00:22:30.846 --> 00:22:31.146
00:22:31.146 --> 00:22:31.667
00:22:31.667 --> 00:22:35.401
00:22:35.401 --> 00:22:41.240
00:22:41.260 --> 00:22:42.163
00:22:42.163 --> 00:22:44.417
00:22:44.417 --> 00:22:45.582
00:22:45.582 --> 00:23:09.565
00:23:09.565 --> 00:23:16.971
00:23:17.511 --> 00:23:26.425
00:23:26.425 --> 00:23:33.884
00:23:33.884 --> 00:23:41.027
00:23:41.027 --> 00:23:43.480
00:23:43.480 --> 00:23:45.325
00:23:45.726 --> 00:23:59.715
00:23:59.935 --> 00:24:01.641
00:24:01.641 --> 00:24:04.395
00:24:04.395 --> 00:24:07.401
00:24:07.401 --> 00:24:10.105
00:24:10.105 --> 00:24:15.363
00:24:15.363 --> 00:24:19.566
00:24:19.906 --> 00:24:26.683
00:24:26.683 --> 00:24:37.945
00:24:37.945 --> 00:24:47.740
00:24:47.740 --> 00:24:57.097
00:24:57.097 --> 00:25:01.028
00:25:02.016 --> 00:25:10.807
00:25:10.807 --> 00:25:33.823
00:25:33.823 --> 00:25:34.645
00:25:34.645 --> 00:25:35.991
00:25:35.991 --> 00:25:39.923
00:25:39.923 --> 00:25:41.666
00:25:41.666 --> 00:25:43.096