Unleash Love & Fetch Your Soulmate With Dog Expert Caitlin Arner

I'm Carrie Brett, and this is shot at love. Today's guest is Katelyn honor, the owner of Zembla and friends, a dark on Tierra service. This perfect for you and your dog's lifestyle. And this week's episode, we will discuss the many ways your dog can boost your love life. Taking your dog for a stroll, increases your chances of meeting others. There's also a new trend in Alfresco dining called happy hour. Did you know that you could let your dog play matchmaker by advertising yourself through your pet on sites, such as date, my pet.com leashes and lovers and tin dog, which is Tinder for dogs, hookup for a play date at the dog park, or meet up for coffee at a canine friendly cafe dogs. Keep you in better shape, lift your mood and are great at sniffing out. Tutors put up a photograph of you and your dog on a dating site will make you look more friendly, approachable, and attractive. Dating is a numbers game. Walking your pub in the park or sitting on a pet friendly patio gives you more chance encounters. When we come back, we'll be talking all things for babies, puppy love and have to get a jump on the dog days. So you won't want to miss it to stay too. After spending too many uninspired years in front of a computer, sitting at a desk,

Caitlin had this crazy notion that maybe one day she could find a career that would make her happy, give her purpose and be sustainable long-term until one day a friend wanted to pay her to watch her two new three month old puppies. Katelyn had grown up with dogs, adopted her own dog, Zelda, but never considered that this could be the absolute perfect path for her life to take Katelyn had this incredible special bond with dogs and respects them and loves them if they are human. And she believes that every dog deserves the best care. Her goal wasn't to start a kennel or walk 20 dogs at once. She created a different experience for dog parents, the kind she would want for her dog. One where dogs are given personal attention in a way they would normally experience at home with their family today. Caitlin and I will be talking about and how people are using dogs to fetch their soulmate and find love. Welcome Kaitlin. Hi Carrie, how are you? Thank you for having me. Thanks so much for being here. This is going to be really special. I just recently photographed you and the shoot took a vote 20 minutes, and then you were here for about an hour and a half talking about dogs and how much you love dogs. And I just couldn't believe it. You just started crying about a client in friend of mine's dog who had passed away. And I just thought to myself, this is such a caring person and such a special person that could be so devastated and feel so strongly for someone else's dog. And I thought I started to think how my life has changed becoming a dog owner and how that fostered our, my relationship and how people are either. They like someone or may potentially not like someone because they have a dog. So I thought this would be a really good episode. Tell me when you were little, you had a dog and your parents got divorced and this dog Matilda was part of the custody agreement. Tell me about this

First. I was going to say, how dare you. You're going to make me cry right at the beginning of the episode. Um, well, Matilda was like my sister, we got her, my parents were still together. I was six, I believe. And so a year later they got divorced and she kind of was part of the custody battle. I mean, my dad got my brother and I and Matilda on Wednesdays and every other weekend. And she would come on vacations with us, with my dad. She was just an amazing soul people today that I talk about her too. Still cry as well when, when she comes up. And that to me indicates a special dog, but the stock was also so special to me. And it's a different relationship than we'll talk about later about where you have your own dog and you've raised them and they're like your child. She was like my sister. And I think she was a huge part of me growing up.

Well, I think there was smarter your parents to have wherever you went, the dog went as well. And that was a really nice way to navigate, help you navigate that as a child. And I got a dog at eight 45, it was, um, basically like a deal breaker and our relationship. My, my boyfriend is a huge dog lover and I didn't grow up with dogs and I, I never had one and I never thought I would have one. And he, he became, he really early in our relationship. He, he kept saying to me at night, like, I know this is our home and I love you. And, but there's something that is really missing. That's different than our love. And I really want a dog. And I was like, okay, I don't know how this is going to go. And I didn't know what to expect. And I was afraid of dogs. And about a day into having our dog, Charlotte, I became a crazy dog person. And I had, I never saw that coming. And my parents saw such a huge change in me. They said, had we known how much this dog would bring so much love into your life and make you so happy? We would have gotten you a dog when you were alone and suffering. And I just think it's an important story because oftentimes people close themselves down to something that could enrich their lives. So by so much and add expansive love. And so that's going to be kind of the theme is what do dogs have to teach us? Like where conducts teach us. You studied abroad, you worked in corporate America, you worked in finance. What led you to find your passion and prompt you to start your own business? Taking care of dogs?

I've always loved dogs. Like you said, growing up with a dog, I think also teaches someone maturity and also unconditional love. Like she was my friend when I didn't have anyone else and when I was being bullied. And so when I realized that I was not feeling fulfilled in a job that I knew I was doing very well at, I was promoted every year I was there. I was headhunted by another company. I just felt like something was missing and my dog will be 11 this year, my older dog, I now have a one and a half year old foster failure as well. Um, which for those of you that don't know means when you intend to foster a dog for someone else and you don't let them leave you. I, you know, I was one of those girls that wanted to be a veterinarian when I was little. And then wasn't very good at science was not my strong suit. Like you said, majored in art history and English literature. I did not intend my path to go the way that it did. But when the opportunity came up to watch these two create Dane puppies who were then 30 pounds each at three months and are now 165 and 185 pounds, whose owner is 90 pounds soaking, wet, true love there. I just knew it was meant to be. And I can't help having a business mind about things too. Obviously if I could just hang out with dogs for free all the time, I would do that. I'm the extreme here. I love dogs. And I just knew that I had a network and everyone loved dogs. And obviously now with the pandemic, even more people have dogs. Right. But, uh, I can't believe I hadn't thought of it before.

It's funny how life works out that way. It was finding a dog lover, something that you wanted in a relationship like, was that a deal breaker?

Like it wasn't my really, I think it's strange because you don't go into a relationships thinking, you know, either it's my dog and the like the sky or, you know what, this guy like my dog, it's just, my dogs are an extension of me. Like they are my children and I it's the same way that you don't go in. Like, I'm only going to date guys over this height. Right. Cause then you're limiting everything. But what would happen I found is that I would keep an open mind and a guy would have a picture on a site that I was on with his dog, quote unquote, because it was not as dog or the guy that I went out with on a puppy play date with who was fostering dogs and just to go on dates with them. So I kind of started learning that this was a very important factor to me either. You know, it was going to work if the guy that I was seeing, didn't like my dog. And yes, there are circumstances that turn into the most amazing stories where you don't think you're a dog lover like you, and you realize that something was missing all along and it was Charlotte. Right. And I started realizing that. I mean, there's obviously the tool of using a puppy to pick up girls, obviously that works on me very well, but there's also the other side where some people are intimidated by certain breeds and that can be an issue. But I found that if it wasn't working out between my dog and the guy, it wasn't happening. Right.

Because the dog is that barometer for what kind of person you're dealing with. Yes. Which is so interesting. They're so smart. Like I noticed when Charlotte, like, if she has to be good, like we have like an important something important that we have to do. She'll be good. No, but if she can get away with it and it's okay for her to act a little bit, she, I mean, she's still a puppy, but it's amazing when you need them, how much they rise up.

And they're so smart that they go through phases where they're just trying to please you. And then they're like, Hmm, my mind is developed. I'm going to push the limit a little bit and see what I can get away with with my mom. Right.

I know I like having a two year old. It really is. And I think dating with a dog is the same, in a sense as dating as a single parent, because you can't play around, but your time. And it's like, I'm not wasting six hours on this date. If I have to get home and someone has to take my dog. So that's a whole other component that I never realized or thought about. So you've mentioned to me that you have some beautiful love stories that you've heard of or seen firsthand that you know, where a person didn't get off to a great start with a dog, but then, you know, worked hard. And that's where like the real love shined through. Can you give me like an example of that?

I have one friend who had told me a story about her. I believe it was her friend or her cousin had a dog that had, was protective and aggressive, especially with men. Um, and instead of running for the Hills, her boyfriend and I believe became her husband was bitten three times by the stock and kept working at it because he knew the stock was just protecting her. He stayed and they worked through it and ended up having an amazing family. Wow. Yeah. That's nice. It's like the extra step beyond just, you know, my stepfather being a cat person. And now my dog is his grand puppy and he is obsessed with her.

It's amazing. Yeah. Well, you can, I mean, you can tell a lot by someone how they are around a and I always used to say, like, I thought it was a good person, but I just, I had no training around dogs.

Well, and I think that's kind of part of the, is the dog, but not getting along with the partner, a deal breaker thing, because you also can see how the person treats an animal. And I think that says a lot about the person in general, because if they can treat a dog with dismissal and anger and cruelty, how would you treat your peers? Right. And why would I want to be in a relationship with you?

It's true. I used to think I, so my boyfriend has his little dog and he's blind. I mean, he's like this little tiny he's 13 and he would jump up on me and I, it would be like in the summer and we're newly dating and he would jump up on me and scratch my legs. And I would be like in tears. Cause I was, I know I would. And it was like ridiculous. How tightly wound I was that like the next time I went over to Scott's parents' house, they like put this little blind dog on a leash.

We laugh because it was like, it probably is wrong, but it was just trying to, you know, figure you out by smell then, you know, that was that's it. I don't know. It's there's also stereotypes and stigma associated with small dogs being sassy. I mean, there's social media means about, there are no aggressive breeds. Number one, chihuahuas like equal a can be stereotype or type test just by the dog they have. And also I think certain dogs do also get a bad rep, but it happens. Right.

But I it's just because I grew up, I never had a dog.

Well, you didn't raise that dog. I mean, your boyfriend's dog was already, he had raised it, right. You came into his life later. Right. So it's not the same as Charlotte.

That makes sense. So now there's been a rise in people getting dogs with the pandemic because they're alone, they're craving company during isolation. And so the big thing is purchasing the pandemic pot. What have you seen and dog trends during COVID?

Well, like you said, a lot of people got dogs. I mean, I do think it's great that people felt, you know, I think there's the, we're going to be home. We're going to have time to raise it. My, the kids are home too. Or, you know, we're spending time here. It's not going to be alone or created for too long. If you decide to create train and what people didn't realize. I mean, obviously the company and the love that's that comes with that. But what people don't realize is that by being around all the time, the dog accommodates to that, and I've seen, you know, part of my job is socializing and exposing dogs to things that they might not be getting because they've been inside for a year. But I don't know. It's tough because I've seen older dogs also regress or get depressed when their owners are both gone then, and there's no one in the house.

Right. We can't leave Charlotte. Now

Socialization has kind of gone out the window for dogs a little bit too.

Well, yes. So yes,

A dog can solidify a relationship and I didn't re I didn't realize this, but honestly I think this is almost like a way to, if you're having trouble getting someone to move in, I think you should get a dog because it's like, I can't care for this dog all the time. You know, I just, I always think about like, how do you get certain people to like make a move? But when you get a dog, it moves things along in a positive way. And I never thought about that. I just thought this is something that my boyfriend really wants. He's clearly unhappy about not having a dog. And I was just like, okay, here we are on Instagram with our new dog, but I didn't do it. Like I loved him. I loved him. I didn't think about that, but it does change the relationship in and move things along in a positive way because the connection is built together around the stock. And, you know, I don't know. Can you talk about like this life big step?

Well, I think it's kind of one of those things that's in the stereotypical, well, you know, get married, picket fence 2.5 kids and a golden retriever. But yeah,

But I think especially with

The way that society has changed and people getting married later or being in relationships long-term without getting married, a dog is kind of a symbol of your commitment to someone without having a child. It's like a quasi permanent thing, which is, I know not, you know, the right thing to say, but it does also, I mean, I know a story of a guy and a girl who were trying to get pregnant and were really struggling and they got a dog because they felt like something was missing. And it didn't mean they weren't going to keep trying, but the focus being shifted onto this dog and the love that it created with them, she ended up getting pregnant. I think that's amazing.

Yeah. It is amazing. Well, dogs heal.

They really do. And they've even done studies on, you know, you can read articles on both sides, whether, you know, it's dirty to have your dog in your bed, but they also lower blood pressure. The steady breathing helps you sleep. Right. And it helps build a bond with them.

You don't need a weighted blanket for anxiety.

You can just, I mean, I use both weight, a blanket and puppies

And my sleep story podcasts.

So funny, a lot of people will stay in a relationship with a person because of a dog. Do you think that's a common thing for people to do?

I think it absolutely is. I mean, I'm trying to remind myself of what life was like pre COVID because right now everything's all off, but I've had situations where I've stayed with a guy because I loved his dog so much, even though the relationship was clearly over at least six months prior to the end of it really. But I've also stayed in relationships with guys who I knew my dog loved so much because that to me is the ultimate thing, you know? Right.

It's like staying in a relationship or staying in a marriage until the kids go to college type of thing. Yeah. Do well. Dating with dogs is a different kind of animal. It's kind of like, like I said, dating a single parent. Do you think you should bring your dog in tow to weed people out who won't deal like as like a, a way to like, this is all of me or what do you think that's too much?

I think the only, the only reason that I think that that might backfire is because if you're nervous on the date, your dog will be nervous and then may react to the person in a way that it wouldn't. If you already had established connection with the other person.

Yeah. So when do you bring that dog into?

I think when you're ready to bring the person into your home, if you trust them enough to come into your home,

That's a good advice. Okay. So I'm going to talk about switch the focus and talk about these dating sites that are like 10 dog and the term dog fishing is a newer dating app phrase related to the practice of using a dog and profile pictures to learn more matches and conversations with potential datas. Often, like you said, the dog doesn't even belong to the person pictured and it's it's merely bait. How annoyed would you be if you got hooked in by a pho Fido,

I've had this happen to me where I was lured into a doggy play date at a dog park, with a guy in his dog who it then turned out was not his dog. It was a foster dog. And he flatly admitted to me on the state that he only fostered the dogs because girls liked them. So I'm over here like, well, so you don't actually care. You're not helping them because you care. You're helping them because you're trying to find a girlfriend. And to me, it's the kind of thing where I think our relationship is doing from the start. If a, your dog really can not there, that's a red flag. If your dog really cannot learn to love your partner, then something is wrong. If your partner treats your dog poorly, that's a red flag to me. And I think, uh, where was I going with this?

Like if they don't cry at the Sarah McLaughlin commercials?

Well, because there I've met many men who are, you know, big strong men and don't cry and have a Staffordshire terrier. And they, I mean, one in particular, I'm thinking of when I told them about Blackie, he cried because he had met her and he knew her soul. Um, but back to the guy who would do these dates because he was fostering dogs, no, I felt totally duped, but it's not like dog fishing just because now it's on these dating sites is a new thing. Men have always used dogs to get girls.

I didn't know this again because I'm like, you know, later in life getting a dog, but a dog can help you make a great first impression and also increase the level of interest. And last night I was talking about this with my boyfriend and he said, hands down that if you, for whatever reason became single Charlotte would be his, in his words, ACE,

At least he's admitting it. And he said he would just sit yeah.

On a bench at a dog park and wait for Charlotte to bring home the bacon. And I was like, I couldn't even believe how Starling he felt about that. But research has shown that women flock to men with dogs and your experience with all your dog-walking. Do you find this to be true?

Oh, 100%. But it also depends on the person and the dog, you know? I mean, I know it's a generalization to say that girls love puppies and you know, guys love puppies and a Doberman will attract a motorcycle guy and a, a corgi will attract the English royalty, like who knows? It's kind of a, like for me, small dogs, I always thought were not really my jam, but now I have small dog clients who are some of my favorite friends. Isn't that interesting. It's crazy. Cause I, I also was stereotyping, but

Gosh, I just, yeah. You think based on the photograph of like say a small dog with a bigger guy, like, I dunno

You can't help. It's like Venice beach, right?

Yeah. That's a turnoff to me it's so weird. I never would even think of these things.

And I heard a story of a woman say that before she was dating a person who, who was a non dog person, but in her mind, she was like, but they'll love my dog and I'll turn them. You know, like that does happen though. It does happen. Right?

I would say my 11 year old, she's a slow burn, but that makes people way more attached to her. Once they get to know her, the slope.

Well,

She's not a lab. That'll jump on you and love you immediately.

So when I first got, when we first got Charlotte, I, we got my, one of my best friends. Kelly has a dog, the same dog, and this was the dog we agreed to get, which was Charlotte. But my boyfriend made the mistake of going out to show property and left me at home with a puppy. And I was, I was in, I was hysterical. That's how I'd be with the baby. And she had to come over. So he called, so Scott called Kelly Kelly to come over and she just walked into my house, grabbed a doc through, through Charlotte, in the car with her dog and off they went, I don't even know where they went. I didn't care where they went. I was just like, I don't know how, if I can do this, I literally, it was like, I don't know if I can do this, but it was so new. And I had no idea that having a dog is exactly like having a child it's so much work. And I was shocked at how much work. And I would many days be at a breaking point and looking at him like, I cannot believe

It's so stupid to get roped into, but it's like your child, you can't send them back. You know, it's just people do.

But it's really hard. Sometimes when you have a puppy that has, is a lot of work, have you ever seen that, you know, relationships and because of a dog? Yes. And I think that that's a tough

Realization to come to because personally in my experience, I've seen many people go, you know, have relationships come and go because they didn't see from the beginning that, you know, if their dogs didn't get along, it was never going to move on to the next step of living together. Because, well, at least personally, if a guy was willing to give up his dog to be with me, that is a deal breaker. I don't want to be with you if you're going to give up your dog. But I also have a,

A friend, if you will, who

Took the initiative to introduce his dog to my dog. And unfortunately it didn't go great. But to me, that was the most amazing sign of a commitment to at least showing me that he cared by introducing our dogs because that also speaks to how he knew me.

So now this, I don't know anyone personally who's used tin dog, but I did download the app to like research it and everything. But I think I w I, I mean me when I was online dating, I would have tried anything, you know? So I probably would've got a D got a dog or maybe would have been one of those people who pose with a dog, but 10 dog allows users to build this profile. But the profile is you and your dog. And then you have to write vital stats about your furry friend, such as the dog's age and the personality traits. And I just think this is such an interesting thing, but basically the dog is matching you or someone's matching with you because of you and your dog. So it's like a twofer.

That's interesting. Yeah.

Concept. I mean, do you think that someone who already shares your love for dogs will increase the chance for real connection? I guess

I have to say about that is having been around dogs. My whole life is just because you're telling things about each other's dogs and they're like, Oh, they're the same size or the same age. They're going to be friends. That's like being like, you're blonde, he's blonde. You're going to be in a great relationship. Like dogs freak out because of smells fate, you know, UN, UN neutered males are the most bullied at the park. You can never tell it's kind of same as people with pheromones, right? You don't know, you're not necessarily aware of it, but sometimes that's why there is chemistry between people it's just biological. So

Doug does connect. So I have this story that just literally happened to me last night. I follow like she put doodles on Instagram and I just look at their faces. Cause my dog is so unique and the most gorgeous dog in the world. And I she's. So her markings are so special that I found a dog. I'll show you the picture at the end. That is a, could be Charlotte's twin scary. And so I followed this dog and the dog has a huge following. And finally, I was like, I want to know who the parents are. Cause I'm like this. I could really do some fun photography with these together. So last night I was like, who is this person? Oh, it turns out to be a famous person who I photographed. Oh, it's like, this is crazy. So it like made me so drawn into this person that I've already met and photographed and I'm going to have to reach out now because

Well, and isn't that so funny because you weren't even a dog person, you were like, no dogs here.

I know. And it's like, I'm wearing a sheep, a doodle mom. T-shirt

Who you thought was a stranger.

Right. But I like love this dog from Instagram. So, but there's a connection. I mean, it's not, you know, um, a love interest, but it's proven that, Oh, this dog looks very mine or whatever.

It's like I'm with human beings and babies. Right.

It's true. I mean, I love babies. I love all babies, but I've always, always like a baby person. You know? It's like I used my clients used to laugh. David said I would take their baby and I'd be like, please don't let me get, you know, give it back. And they're like, I think you're ready to have a baby, Gary, Michael, my clients,

Because I show up at their door and the dog's like, bye, I'm gone. I'm going on vacation. And they're like, all right. I love you. I'll see you when you're back. It's so good. Yeah.

Uh, within two seconds of meeting you, I'm like, I don't let my dog go with anyone. And I'm like, I would leave my dog with you in a second. And I cried using this type of app, like Tinder, tin, dog. You can run the risk of liking the dog more than the man has this ever happened?

Absolutely. Well, and then you struggle with it internally because you're like, I'm in love with this creature. I can't leave it hidden or her, but I can put up with this D bag. Cause I love this dog so much. And I mean, that's like, like I mentioned earlier, like I've stayed in a relationship because I saw how much the guy loved my dog and I couldn't do that to him almost or her. It, uh, it's just,

It's crazy now. It's kind of funny. Cause we're talking about the pros of having the dog in these dog, people dating apps. But what if you don't choose

Photograph of the dog or like you have an ugly dog now totally can

Maybe help you.

Well, and I mean, like you said, if it's like a foe kind of like there don't even own the dog or they're just using it as bait or they don't. I mean, I know a guy who has two dogs and I'm like, Oh great, he's cute. He's got two dogs. And then he literally said to me, if one of them ever needed surgery, he'd put them down because he didn't want to spend the money. So instantly you're like this day's over. I hate you. Which I'm full John wick right now.

Wow. So what happens in real life? When you, like you said, you met this guy and he had two dogs and he thought he was going to be great. And until he said something not so great, but what happens real life? When you do meet someone and the dogs don't like each other, is it just done?

I've literally been in what I call a situationship for five years because of this. So I don't think that necessarily it's done because you, you know, you try everything and sometimes it's just an adjustment period. They do say there's a rule of threes for dogs to adjust three days for the first period, three weeks for the next and three months. So I think it's always worth trying, but if it really doesn't work in their fighting and it's a dangerous situation, your relationship has an expiration date. For sure.

So the book built for friendliness by Brian Hare, he wrote the dogs and humans are built to be friendly and we select individuals based on how friendly they are that we actually use this as a tool and choosing a partner. I know that I felt that way. Like the most important thing to me was finding someone who was nice and kind to me. I mean, I always joke. People are like, why didn't you put like millionaire? Like it wasn't for me, it really was like, that was an, that was the number one, like nice. And in your opinion, the dog is really like your best wing man, or I'm asking you, is this the best judge of character? Like not your girlfriend, not your mom,

The dog. Well, the dog has no preconceived notions or judgments or any ulterior motive for how they react certain smells. And it doesn't really have anything to do with the person. But I think in general, the dog doesn't like someone there's something iffy. Especially if you trust the store a hundred percent. Like I do with my older dog, my younger dog is a little more skiddish. I call them a COVID baby. So I T he doesn't, his, his opinion doesn't matter to me right now. But, um, my older dog really is a gauge. And I guess I, like, I would want to ask someone like you would, you wish you had had a dog to kind of weed out the people who weren't empathetic or kind or respectful of.

I just wish I had a dog sooner because I, it just made me such a better, like, I don't don't think I was a bad person. I just have learned so much from her. And I have no idea how I ended up with this person who was such a dog lover, because he must have really liked me because, you know, I didn't check all the boxes at all, but I did evolve and I'm grateful for what Charlotte has taught me. And I'm grateful how much you've taught us about dogs and sharing your knowledge. Where can people find out more about you and Zelda and friends?

Well, so I have a website it's www.celtaandfriends.com. And I have an Instagram, which is Zelda friends, spelled Z E L D a N F R I E N D S. And definitely follow me if you want to see some cute dog pictures. Um, I guess why I started my business because I thought that all dogs deserved friends, but not all dogs are meant to be friends. And it's part of creating just a beautiful, loving life for myself and fuzzies for babies.

That's so nice. Well, I'm glad that you became my friend and you, you were able to share your story on shot at life.

Well, the funny thing is I'm definitely the extreme, because if you find me on a dating site, all the dogs and the pictures will always be around. It's like having 10 kids. So that's a commitment and that's the struggle that I have, but I am so happy to have been here and to talk about life and love and puppies with you.

And for now this week's Tinder tips, which are inspired by our favorite dog, lover, Kaitlin Arnar, number one, live in an unleashed state of mind, be open to future possibilities and open your heart to love. Number two. So often we are closed. We create ourselves in and don't take a chance on someone who could be perfect for you. Choose the person you date, not on looks, but on friendliness. Number three, don't waste time. Make that move. Join an online dating site and go out and vet your soulmate. I hope you found some of my tips helpful this week. This is what shot at love is here for, to help you find love. Keep up the commitment to yourself and commit to helping someone else by sharing this podcast. I want to thank these spot for naming shot at love. One of the best dating podcasts on the planet. And I must follow in 2021. If you like this show, please subscribe and leave a five-star review. I'm Carrie Brett, and we'll see you next time.[inaudible].