Episode 125: The Suffering of Drunk Driving Part 1 With Mike Panus

Kevin Donaldson: 0:00

This is gonna hurt. It's time for the suffering podcast. From a very early age, we're taught that our choices define us. Hanging out with the wrong group of friends will inevitably get you into trouble. Don't work hard in school, and you'll fail or get left back. The choices of youth rarely have any consequences. And if they do, they're usually mild. As we grow older, the results and responsibilities of our choices grow exponentially. By the time we're adults, we are prepared for full accountability. Not every choice you make in life is going to be soundly thought out. Some will be rash and carry severe penalties. The true mark of a human being is that we own all of our choices, both the good and the bad. I'm Kevin Donaldson here with Mike fleece and on this episode of the suffering podcast, we welcome Mike Panis to discuss the suffering of drunk driving. Mike's decision making younger is a little off. But we've all been there. We've all we've all been there. Unfortunately, his carried with it some very serious consequences. And thank you so much for coming in.

Unknown: 1:10

Kevin, it's such an honor to be here. I can't I'm still in awe. And it's really

Mike Failace: 1:14

it's funny. It gave him a shot out of a cannon. That's great.

Kevin Donaldson: 1:18

But it's nice. Because we get that excited about every single show. All right, even when you know the storyline isn't isn't close to our heart. We're still excited to hear what somebody has to say. And it's nice to have that reciprocated

Unknown: 1:31

isn't there's multiple reasons why the energies kind of so high right now. It's been a while again, it's I tell people that all the time I'm like, I don't even do any drugs. And it's like this every day. But no, it's

Mike Failace: 1:42

my father always said I don't like cocaine. I just like the smell of it.

Unknown: 1:46

But now I'm just really excited to be here. Made a little trip down here from Connecticut and can't thank you enough Kevin and Mike.

Kevin Donaldson: 1:53

Thanks for coming in. Before we get into anything, let's get let's give a shout out to our marquee sponsor, that's Toyota of Hackensack. We don't trust anybody, but we do trust Toyota of Hackensack. So if you're looking for a car, go to Toyota hackensack.com. Let them find you a car. So Mike, I've done a lot of research about you, my man.

Mike Failace: 2:08

Oh, boy, is that so we're gonna do is put his name on Google. And it's like pages,

Kevin Donaldson: 2:13

whereas your dad would say the Google the Google the Google? Mike each week, we take a question from our audience. And I pulled this one specifically from you, for you. And it's from Terence N. It says how can someone take responsibility for their own bad behavior? You're somebody who I through my research has taken ultimate responsibility for their bad behavior. But if you were to give that advice to somebody else, what, what kind of suggestion would you give them?

Unknown: 2:40

The first thing that comes to mind is just taken ownership of whatever decision that you had made. That was a poor decision. You know, I'm not blaming anyone else, just taking ownership. That's how I think is the best way to, you know, take responsibility for any bad decision that you make.

Kevin Donaldson: 2:58

Like, what do you think, you know, I

Mike Failace: 3:00

mean, it really goes back to what was that? That show back in the day when you were growing up Beretta, I think it was Don't, don't do too, don't do the crime. If you can't do the time

Kevin Donaldson: 3:07

from a guy who ultimately killed his, his wife. It's kind of odd,

Mike Failace: 3:11

but I mean, that that's really it, like you said, you got to own up to it. And if you're going to do something, everything has consequences. Whether it be a good deed, or, or something bad, everything has consequences. You gotta own up. Yeah, absolutely.

Unknown: 3:23

You know, just the decision that I made, it was just like repeated behavior. You know, you just as as humans, you just become like, train it's trained behavior, just like kind of brushing teeth every night putting a snake. And it's like, back in the day when we were younger, before Uber and for Lyft. And all that stuff, you know, you know, jumping into car having if they

Mike Failace: 3:42

say, you're not going to Devil's door long enough, someone's bound to answer, you know, yeah,

Kevin Donaldson: 3:45

you know, quick story about that, to us. Everybody used to think cops are untouchable from drunk driving. And there was there was a time when we were, and I know exactly when it changed, because I just had this discussion with somebody just had this discussion, there was a state trooper who got into an accident at a Dunkin Donuts and he hit somebody and hurt somebody. And at that point, you know, if it's your job or my job, guess which one's winning? Yeah, you know, I'll protect you as much as I can. But I cannot protect you if it's going to jeopardize my job. Yeah. And that's when everything changed. In this area, anyway. Yeah. So for me, I, everybody has an excuse. All right. Excuses are like assholes. Everybody's got one. However, there's one common factor in all those bad decisions that people overlook. And that's you were involved, not you specifically, but whoever the bad behavior is coming from. So if you're the common denominator, chances are, you're the cause of your own bad behavior. You know, and there's, there's plenty of excuses why people do what they do, and there are reasons for it. But ultimately, it's up to you to fix it. Yeah. So Terence, thank you so much for sending that one. Keeps it keep sending in your questions, and we will try to get them on the air.

Mike Failace: 4:57

You know, it's funny My father has told me you're judged by who you hang out with. Yeah, yeah. So if you're, if you're hanging out with a group that's always getting in trouble, you're always gonna get in trouble.

Unknown: 5:06

That is so true. I was just thinking about that the other day and you know, when you growing up, especially me, I'm from a small town. I live in a very small town, and you become friends with older older guys, you know, like I played football plays a core thing to do. Yeah. So it was just like, that was the crowd. The crowd that you follow you completely, you know, molds you into that as well. You know?

Kevin Donaldson: 5:27

Yeah, you got the with us with Mike and I, it's, you know, you hung around with the football player. So the ball players were troublemakers. Guess what you were you were a troublemaker. Yeah, unfortunately, I think I was hit troublemaker. No good. Yeah, well, but, you know, you hang around with dogs long enough. You get fleas. Yeah. So you traveled a long way. How can you how far was your drive?

Unknown: 5:49

I didn't look exactly how many miles but it was almost three hours. Yeah, it was. It was like 100 and something miles maybe.

Kevin Donaldson: 5:55

Oh, you had a nice traveling companion which is very nice. Brought, you know, you bring your entourage into the studio.

Unknown: 6:01

Absolutely. I was very lucky to have Tiffany with me today.

Mike Failace: 6:05

So the thing is, do listen to the same type of music because I hate long trips with someone who is my ex wife used to be like a big disco head. We've been fighting over two radio stations.

Unknown: 6:14

Music musics kind of one of our things we enjoy some of the same music So Taylor Swift I gotta T swift that's not what I was doing. My My daughter loves Taylor Swift and so I'll jam out to that on the way into school. But now, Tiffany and I we listen to a lot of the same music you know, she's a little bit more into country than me. I'm not really that's not really my genre.

Kevin Donaldson: 6:38

But countries that one genre and I like all genres of music. I do I really like all genres of music except country

Unknown: 6:46

there's there's two there's two that I don't really like like heavy metal like screaming like people jumping up and down like

Mike Failace: 6:54

stones dive and sand dance and all that stuff.

Kevin Donaldson: 6:57

I my parents

Unknown: 6:58

Yeah, like that gets my blood pressure going a little bit too high and country. Like sucks the life out of me. Sometimes you know it just like I need some energy and beats and I'm good.

Kevin Donaldson: 7:07

There's one country musician that I like. And he's really not a country musician. And that's Darius Rucker. He's but he's not really even a country and zody. Yes, he's moody. He's Ludia. He's not come on.

Mike Failace: 7:19

Shut up. Shut up. Darius your hoody? Your Hui.

Unknown: 7:21

So yeah, we had a good drive, though, Jim.

Kevin Donaldson: 7:24

So you've traveled all this way. I want you to tell our audience Listen, we've spoken enough where I know I feel like I know you even before I met you face to face. But I want you to tell our audience a little bit about yourself.

Unknown: 7:35

Oh, boy, where do I begin? Anyways, Kevin, and Mike, I just want to thank you enough. Thank you again. I'm gonna get into a little bit about my background. My story starts very early. My dad and mom, you know, had my sister. She was like a year old and my mom was pregnant with me six months or so. And she got ill. And they rushed her to the hospital and my mom was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 27. So here I am, you know, taken out premature. And we hang on, they removed you from two months, two months early. And this is way back. I'm 43 years old. So this is back in 1980. You know, they rushed me to Yale New Haven Hospital. My mom was pregnant, very sick, and they took took me out immediately. And she lost her life. 30 days after I was taken out. So

Kevin Donaldson: 8:25

your father had to be

Unknown: 8:27

my dad. Yeah, my dad. My dad struggled a lot, you know, left with me a premature baby and my sister a year old and yeah, my dad, I don't know if he he's ever completely recovered from that. And so fast forward. My stepmom comes into the picture when I was about two years old and my dad, he's a hard working Carpenter, you know, construction union worker left with, you know, Premature Baby and my sister and did whatever he could for his family. These are

Mike Failace: 9:03

a lot of work too. You know, I mean, my son was born six and a half weeks premature, and he had undiagnosed reflux for six months. So he was crying because he was hungry. Five minutes later was crying because of reflux. Yeah.

Unknown: 9:16

I can't really recall how difficult was that? But was it hard for you? Yeah, yeah, feed me please feed me.

Mike Failace: 9:23

But my ass

Kevin Donaldson: 9:25

you know, traditional male roles are you go out man, the men go out and earn a living and the women they're better caregivers to babies than we are. It's just it's a it's a better fit for them because they're better than better at than us.

Unknown: 9:38

Kevin, I'm glad you brought that up. That that point exactly. has impacted my life completely up until like, this current moment of not having that. Mom that bond when I was a child, you know? Absolutely. Like I was impressed. said I wasn't held I wasn't cared for, by like my mom and is impacted my life so dramatically that I didn't really realize it until, you know, recently and, you know, just I feel like neglected neglected at times, you know, especially, even with some of my relationships, my personal relationships, you know, I freeze and feel neglected. Very easily.

Mike Failace: 10:27

I mean, how, even like growing up and going to school and everything you see the moms like dropping their kids off and everything and you had to feel like

Unknown: 10:34

it's so i. So I get into it a little bit. This my book over here. I might refer to it further. We live with honor live with honor that's on Amazon, right? Yeah, turning tragedy into triumph live with honor turning tragedy into triumph. It's on Amazon. You know, my dad met my mom when I was so young and my stepmom that came into the picture. That's who I thought my mom was, you know, she she had a son from her previous marriage. She had a son, young in age, and my brother came into the family. So it was my brother and my sister and myself. So we were, you know, a family of three. And my mom and dad never had a kid together. So she brought her son into it. My brother, your stepmom, my stepmom, I always refer to as my mom, because that's all I don't like she raised me. That's the

Kevin Donaldson: 11:21

only way we're gonna be able to separate the two right now. Yeah, so I understand.

Unknown: 11:25

It's a biological mom. Like, I kind of refer to it as my biological mom, those

Kevin Donaldson: 11:29

because it doesn't, you know, parents don't have to be your biological parents.

Unknown: 11:34

Yeah, yeah. So my mom came in at such an early age. And that's all I knew, I thought that was my mom. And I, like I said, I brought up in my book, when I found out she was going to adopt my sister and I, you know, she wanted to adopt us. So they had to bring in someone from the state to come witness our family before they could sign off on the adoption. So they told me that someone was coming in. I'm like, why they come in? You know, a mess. I'm a very inquisitive person and always have to ask questions. And that's when I realized that that wasn't my biological mom,

Mike Failace: 12:11

how old were you at that point?

Unknown: 12:13

I was in elementary school, I believe I was in second grade, second grade, second or third grade. And I talked about my best friend, I go to elementary school, and I'm like, my mom's dead. And like, you know, here I am a second second grade or third grade trying to wrap my mind around. That whole thing? Yeah. Like, this woman that's been in my life for how many years now is not my mom and like, you know, trying to

Kevin Donaldson: 12:39

think about think about a reverse. And I don't know if you're this ever occurred. You think about your dad living with that same? At some point. I gotta tell this kid

Unknown: 12:46

now. Yeah, that's a question. That's a good question, Kevin. But at

Mike Failace: 12:51

what age? Do you actually tell a kid that you know, second grade? What do you seven, eight years old? Maybe?

Unknown: 12:56

Yeah, you know, a Yeah, about eight years old. I was seven. I remember. I went to recess and like I like started crying. I told my best friend. We're still best friends to this day since kindergarten, and told him I was like, my mom's dead. And I was. And he's like, what? And you know, because that just dropped you off this morning? What happened? Yeah, that's what he knew. That's my mom, you know, like, so anyways, it's impacted my life greatly. As I've grown up, now, I'm parent to my daughter, Bella, who's eight years old. Just missing my biological mom and almost like the thought of what my life would have been if my mom didn't pass away. You know, it's always has that question mark, in the back in the back of my mind. But

Kevin Donaldson: 13:36

you're thinking that, and I didn't. I'm not this is not a dig against your biological mother. But you're thinking that things would have been really good. It could have gone the other way. You know, that's it can always get worse.

Unknown: 13:48

Just that quiet. Just the question of, you know, the unknown, you know, the unknown who knows what the what ifs? Yeah. So that's, that's always been there for quite a while now. And so I grew up with my stepmom. As I call my mom

Kevin Donaldson: 14:05

once you found out that she was not your biological mother. Did it change your attitude towards her

Unknown: 14:11

now? No, not at all. That was my mom. She, they my mom and dad worked their asses off for their children. You know? I love sports. I love fishing. You know, I always had you know, like, fishing pole, new fishing pole huntin new rifle. Always had the best clothes that we could you know, like, my mom would have to hide the receipts from my dad. I'd have new Michael Jordan's like $100 in his bag and my dad were Jordan

Kevin Donaldson: 14:38

ones. Yeah.

Mike Failace: 14:40

Today he would he would can't put a laces for under $100

Unknown: 14:44

Yeah, so yeah, this is back going way back in the US. Yeah, they worked very hard and gave us the best life possible. So no, that's all I knew was my mom. Well, when

Kevin Donaldson: 14:54

the adoption when you finally found out that it wasn't your mother that she come in into in just have a conversation with You're just it was one of those things like, Yeah, this is the way it is.

Unknown: 15:02

Right that Kevin, I can't really recall the specifics of that. But I do recall, you know, it being very, just very shocking. shocking to me as a young kid.

Mike Failace: 15:14

But you're not. I mean, you think about it. I mean, it sucks no matter what. But you said your mom came down with cancer when she was pregnant. Yeah. Right. What if she was still around and want to come down with cancer when you were like, 12 years old? Yeah. You know, yeah. I mean, what would that have been? What, you know, I'm just playing devil's advocate here. Mike, I

Unknown: 15:30

love that point. Because there's your acceptance of what happens in life is a huge is a huge part of anything that we go through on a daily basis, how big or how small, and you can't be, you can't have regrets or anything. And that kind of like, brings that topic up to me. You know, it could have been more traumatic if it was later or whatever. So I've accepted the fact that you know, I lost my mom at a at an early age, and I just just do the best I can to, you know, make her make her proud.

Kevin Donaldson: 16:03

So normal childhood if you had to pick out something that you know, maybe there were some ripple effects that when you found out that your your mother wasn't your biological mother, did it rear its head in any ways?

Unknown: 16:17

Now? No, not not not. Not really. Nothing really sticks out.

Kevin Donaldson: 16:22

It will kind of give tell me what kind of kid your

Unknown: 16:24

man talkative I was talkative.

Mike Failace: 16:27

Believe it or not, isn't Shut up since he walked into

Unknown: 16:30

America. Thanks a lot, Mike. But no, literally. I was always like, you know, trying to make jokes. I was a joke. Like, my desk was up near the teacher's desk. My whole mouth. I'm not kidding. I have to earn stickers to go back with the class. And, and I remember that home phone ringing like many times from the parent from the teachers calling home like, oh, yeah, Michael was, you know, a little bit disruptive. Disruptive was a word I heard often in middle school. But and in elementary school, just I've always been up like optimistic, upbeat, energetic, and, you know, after the tragedy that I've that I've gone through and overcome, it's just kind of been magnified even a little bit more. Just because I appreciate everything in life a little bit more now.

Kevin Donaldson: 17:20

It's funny how tragic tragedy and trauma can bring out things that you didn't even know existed.

Unknown: 17:27

It's like on the ride down here, I'm just looking over left, right, you know, like being able to like get a coffee and drive down here. It's just

Mike Failace: 17:34

like, looking at the garbage on the side of the roads. In New Jersey, I

Unknown: 17:38

actually work for the Department of Transportation in Connecticut, and I was noticing that you guys need a little bit of trash picking up over here.

Kevin Donaldson: 17:45

New Jersey? Yes. In many ways than just the garbage on the road. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Unknown: 17:49

Okay, name. So people. So I grew up playing sports, love sports, being outside, you know, and just had a regular life. And realized that early age, I want to join the United States Marine Corps. My dad was a Marine. I was fourth generation military and my family. And I just, that's all I ever wanted to do in in high school. I just focused on that. You

Kevin Donaldson: 18:15

are one of those Hollywood Marines, were

Unknown: 18:16

you Nah, man.

Mike Failace: 18:18

So I had a pitch. And he was the poster child

Kevin Donaldson: 18:21

for now. So So with Marines, and I used to one of my better friends. He was an older Marine. He was in Dr. During the conflict. Yeah, shows he shows you how old he was before he passed. But he schooled me on all things Marines and anybody who went to San Diego, they were called Hollywood Marines. Yeah, what a Mustang is and like he I knew I knew all that stuff.

Unknown: 18:40

So everyone on the east side of the Mississippi river goes to Parris Island, everyone on the west side of the Mississippi river goes to San Diego, and yeah, and as I went into, like the Marine Corps, and you did, you did kind of notice a little bit of a, you know, butting heads like, Oh, you're from San Diego, and now you're from Parris Island. Yeah. I mean, they don't have same fleas in San Diego. And

Kevin Donaldson: 19:01

so you know, who was a Hollywood Marine? This is going to shock you is Arlene Urmi. Oh, yeah. He was a Hollywood Marine. Yep. And he was a DI, in San Diego. Wow. But I drove right past the San Diego Bay. I spent some time in San Diego 2121

Mike Failace: 19:15

pomps

Unknown: 19:16

2929. That's a that's a couple hours outside of it's out in this. It's in the desert. I think it's a couple. I want to say a couple hours outside of San Diego. But yeah, Twentynine Palms that's like a pit. Yeah, there's there's nothing to do out there. If you

Kevin Donaldson: 19:32

ever been down to the Parris Island area, especially in summertime and then go to San Diego in the summertime to vastly different night landscapes. Yeah, vastly vastly different but I don't know maybe kind of got screwed because I heard about the big lagoon lawsuits.

Unknown: 19:47

Oh, yeah, the water water down. So like, I have a good good friend of mine. I'm gonna bring his name up. He's like, like an awesome dude. He was he was a Marine as well. old timer Marine, Lenny Lenny King, and yeah, he's an old timer. We have a close relationship and, and yeah, he, he I remember he made the phone call. He's like, Yeah, man that they I guess he's eligible for all that stuff now and I mean, he was back back in and a long time ago.

Kevin Donaldson: 20:13

I get all the emails because I did try to join the Marines. Unfortunately, I had too many knee surgeries and they like now. Yeah, you're good. Which is which is good because I would have went to the golf it would have.

Mike Failace: 20:22

Yeah, I'm gonna try to join him register with my mother. So no.

Kevin Donaldson: 20:27

Yeah, I mean, oh, man, I I've said this on air before my grandfather was in World War Two. He kicked the shit out of me when he found out I tried to enlist. He's like, what is matter? When you're smart? You go to college. You don't go to the military? Yeah, because he does. He really had a dislike for officers more than anything else.

Unknown: 20:44

My dad didn't tell me that until after the Marines, you know, he's like, don't be like me, you know, like hammer and nails, go to school and get you know, but they weren't Are you and about me going into the Marines and high school because I needed to get a little bit of discipline

Mike Failace: 20:58

and I got to use that discipline. So yeah, we

Unknown: 21:01

all care. I still probably could go back to boot camp right now and learn a few things. Give me some more discipline. Yeah, absolutely.

Kevin Donaldson: 21:07

So you joined the Marines. Yeah.

Mike Failace: 21:09

Right after high school or

Unknown: 21:11

so. Yeah. 17 years old. I joined early. I told my parents I'm like, I want to be a Marine. They're like, Oh, great. Has the best idea. Yeah, like, let's go to the recruiters like right now. We Yeah. Oh, yeah. It wasn't like, it might have been 16 or 17. It was right around that time. So like, Yeah, I think we left in early even then we went to the Czech police years now. So. So I, I met with one guy and we kind of butted heads. I'll never forget his name, Gunny Gunnery Sergeant Yeatman. And we just butted heads like he wanted me to be like, in like food, services and stuff. I'm like, Man, I'm all good with that, man. I'm not looking at 100 100 gallon pot of like mashed potatoes and shit. I'm all set with that. So he I felt forced into the job that he wanted me to have. So I'm like, I'm not going to see that guy again. Like, I'm not talking to him again. So we ended up going into another guy. And I signed up, signed up then and there went up to Springfield, Massachusetts passed the physical and everything like that. He as fed tested all that oh, yeah, I did pretty well on the ASVAB. Pick the job I was in aviation operations specialist 7041, aviation operations specialist, which is like crew, Chief of Cobra helicopters and stuff like that. So which is pretty cool. And so here I am enlisted my senior high school and playing football, I dislocated my shoulder, my senior football. And like you said, Kevin, you have a joint. If you have a joint injury, and you've already enlisted in the Marines, you're automatically disqualified. So here I am. All I knew was to be a Marine my whole entire life. I wanted to, you know, like serve my country, and devastated one football injury, I had to have surgery. Like, I have like rotator cuff surgery over here and got disqualified from the Marine Corps, had an amazing surgeon followed my physical therapy, you know, to a tee and ended up, forwarded my paperwork up to headquarters Marine Corps and get re approved to get back in the Marine Corps. And it's still pretty amazing had

Mike Failace: 23:13

to be devastating when they told you you couldn't go in No,

Unknown: 23:15

I I thought I was disqualified for good. And I don't think I was cut out for college back when I was 19 years old.

Mike Failace: 23:23

But it's sort of 57 I'm still not going on for college. Yeah,

Kevin Donaldson: 23:27

it just goes to show you though. If you want something bad enough, you're going to do everything you can to get it. Yeah. And if you don't get it, that's because you didn't want it bad enough.

Unknown: 23:35

That's a good point. Yeah. Like, I think I was on one like failure. It was like, what, when you guys had a question or whatever, on one of your earlier podcasts a few months ago, whatever. And like, failure is is one of the biggest reasons to push me. You know, like, you know, I'm afraid to failure. And yeah, that was that was one of them. I've worked.

Kevin Donaldson: 23:56

I've actually come to embrace failure now.

Mike Failace: 23:58

I think that was it was a question. Social media question, a social media question witness. What are you afraid of?

Unknown: 24:05

Yeah, I remember I wrote in on the bottom, you know, like, I'm afraid of failure. And it's right. It was on Instagram. Lots of grandma. Yeah, that's right. And that kind of like, brings that to my mind. You know, I didn't want to fail. Um, I had an injury and

Kevin Donaldson: 24:18

I had overcome it. So yeah, what kind of wake up call was Parris Island.

Unknown: 24:22

Oh, man. I still I still remember quite a bit of it. It's pretty amazing. It's like, it still baffles my mind how when I got off the airport, they had Marines. I knew like who to who we were like, I'm like, we're in a corner of an airport. We're getting yelled at and screamed out. I'm like, what? I'm like, wit. Like, I don't have a sign on my forehead. That's like, Hey, I'm headed to Parris Island, but like these drill instructors, I'm not kidding you. It is so true. From the second you get off like that plane and get on that bus every second of your time on Parris Island. You have something to do. It's like Unreal. It I kind of enjoyed it. I love to being you know, an athlete In physical activity, and I saw some people I'm like, What the heck, man? You can't do 20 Damn pull ups. I'm like Jesus. But yeah, I enjoyed it. It was pretty it was pretty. You become you become a man down and parasite and that's for damn sure. You know, there's not much that is I'm afraid of and yeah, they they take you out of high school and turn you into a man.

Kevin Donaldson: 25:24

I think the world would be a better place if we all had to go to some sort of armed service branch. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I'm gonna sign up for the Space Force because I hear they're taking older people.

Mike Failace: 25:38

Yeah, I don't know. I Coast Guard

Kevin Donaldson: 25:40

coast. Well, my so my uncle, my uncle started in the Navy, went to Vietnam, and then transferred to the Coast Guard. He had the best job I ever saw in my life. Yeah, so he was he was the highest you could get as an enlisted man. But he went he was captain of the boat. And all he did was drive pilings up and down the shore. But most of his time he lives in Hawaii now spent most of his time in Hawaii. He took me on the boat a couple of times when they were docked in the Atlantic City Marina. And everybody calls him cat boat was immaculate. I mean, I was like, wow, this is this is really cool. A

Mike Failace: 26:14

lot of a lot of active cops are doing that now to join like Coast Guard Reserve. You know, they do it one weekend, a month in two weeks, and they they get a pension out of that tonight. Yeah,

Unknown: 26:22

one of my best speaking engagements. Now you bring that up Coast Guard Academy is right up in my neck of the woods. It's in New London, Connecticut, connected with a couple people one of the one of the guys awesome dude, Eric Murray. He's like one of my mentors, retired state police officer dudes. One awesome dude does a lot of leadership training him and I connected and I'm like, Man, I need to meet with you. And this was right when I was becoming a speaker and going out and talking and military bases is I love military bases is my favorite place to speak. As soon as I you know, showed up picture with me and dress blues. And I'm talking about any military base that earns instant credibility with me because like when you're in the military, and you like come into like some training some dude that civilians like telling you how to do it. I'm like, Dude, get out of here. Like you have no idea what? Yeah, so I love being able to speak at military bases because I know, I just know the the lifestyle of military, you know, soldiers and what our, you know what we do? So could you relate 100% So I spoke at the Coast Guard Academy. And one of the gifts they gave me this is like something that sticks in my mind was the Coast Guard training vessel. It's like this little train that they handle in a box or whatever. So here I am a marine get get I get a gift from the Coast Guard cat mapper, I suppose. And it was like over like 1500 cadets in the audience. And they all like, like, went crazy when they saw me get their training. So and I still have that thing right on like one of my like, prized possessions that I own gifts from the military base that I that I speak at. So yeah, I enjoy speaking to Coast Guard Academy.

Kevin Donaldson: 27:53

Well, the eyes are always on. Like if you're gonna go to an academy Military Academy. The eyes were always on West Point or Annapolis, ya know, they're all that but people forget Air Force, Air Force Academy, Coast Guard Academy, Merchant Marine Academy, and plus all the other military academies. You can't overlook them because you're still getting a high class education and prestige

Unknown: 28:11

is your status over there to Coast Guard Academy. It is beautiful, you know, beautiful area over there.

Kevin Donaldson: 28:17

And plus government funded, it has its government funded usually stuffs pretty good. It's either crap or it's really good. Yeah, I

Mike Failace: 28:23

wish I would have known about that. 40 years ago when I was graduating high school.

Unknown: 28:26

We didn't we didn't really get the best the best barracks when we were going in the rifle range back in Louisiana.

Kevin Donaldson: 28:31

What barracks where you went? Oh, first

Unknown: 28:33

battalion, first battalion. I still remember my laundry number and my platoon number wasn't 45/4 battalion the Quonset hut.

Kevin Donaldson: 28:40

That's the female. That's the female that was the female females for then they changed it because that was always like the shit.

Unknown: 28:47

Now, there's four women. I don't know the history of all like we're talking to 60s. Yeah. So I know the Fourth time's women. So I was first battalion Delta company 1045 to 1045. I still remember all my drill instructors. It's like crazy. It's like how do I even remember that?

Kevin Donaldson: 29:04

And it's like, to some extent, you remember all your drills. And absolutely,

Unknown: 29:07

I used to mess with me quite a bit. And actually, I was just speaking about it the other day, because UConn just won the national championship. And here I am a diehard Yukon fan. So they see this is like, I'm getting letters in the mail. My dad's letting me know the March I went, I was in boot camp there and March Madness. And he was telling me when they want and this is the year they they upset Duke and ended up beating Mateen cleaves Michigan State in the 99 Nine championship. And my drill instructor was a Duke fan. So I woke up the next morning in that and they call it the quarter deck, and I'm getting smoked on a quarter deck. And I had a smile on my face and even smoked me more and he knew it. He knew I knew why I was. So that was when you can beat Duke the next morning. So yeah, I was pretty crazy. I would just think about that the other day,

Kevin Donaldson: 29:51

to a lesser degree like I understand the military training, especially Marines because my drill was force recon Marine. Yeah. And he's about as serious as a heart attack and he's Just about five foot two scared a shit out of me I mean like scared the shit out of me but that motherfucker could stay in the lane and rest for days he like He reminds me a lot of you but you tower over top I mean you tower over top of that's about there's

Mike Failace: 30:15

about 10 people in the world that I tower over and

Kevin Donaldson: 30:17

then son this son of a bitch smoke like a chimney could still run like a just almost a sub five minute mile. Yeah, I was like what the fuck man you guys it was he was like a machine. Yeah, but everything was serious never pointed at you. And it was always the chat. It was always this and then you know he used to make fun of him at the end of it

Unknown: 30:37

it's just the mentality of a Marine is is to not to fail and not to give up you know no matter what it's you know, it's instilled in you and you know if I'm not if I'm not the best at something I'm gonna give it my all at it and

Kevin Donaldson: 30:51

we always work on the stuff that you're not the best at Yeah, because that's how you get better at everything and

Mike Failace: 30:55

break it down to build you

Unknown: 30:56

up. Yeah, yeah, it's amazing parasite like I look back is like pretty crazy looking back on it. It was quite an experience cracks

Mike Failace: 31:04

me up how he smirks every time brings up barrel parasite. He's got a lace business smile is this you? Know, there's some stories.

Unknown: 31:12

Oh, man, like I'm telling you, man. There's a couple of stories. I'm like, Holy shit, you know, just pretty crazy. Yeah, we're leaving for the cruise. But I'll tell the story. It's like one of the funny. So I you see me smart. You know, you notice that my head it's hard for me to hide my smart even even in Parris Island, South Carolina.

Mike Failace: 31:28

So waking up, which probably got in a lot of trouble too.

Unknown: 31:31

I'm about to get into one of them right now. So when you first get there, you're treated like shit. Like you're below like below dirt. Yeah, you're you're not even like a human being what year is this? I just want to know this is 1999.

Kevin Donaldson: 31:45

So you're like a Private Pyle situation? right around that

Unknown: 31:49

time? Yeah. So like, you know, we're like nothing. I mean, I saw guys try committing suicide. And this is here I am 19 years old, trying to have a small town and I'm like, Holy shit, you know this. And like, there wasn't much diversity in my town in high school. And I you know, like, all this was new to me. And here I am. I'm like, holy shit. I'm not a graduate. We have the crucible. It's 72 hours, two hours, no food, no water, you know? And we're like, we call it humping. It's hiking, hiking. So we were like humping miles and miles were our pack. So we'll wake up at like three in the morning to take off. And this is the last test and I'm like, Holy shit, I'm be a Marine. And we got a banana. Like, I'll never forget it. Like we get a banana and like, we don't get that shit on a regular like, you barely have time to eat in the chow hall, like barely. So we get a banana and I'm like having a smirk on my face. And I'll never forget it Staff Sergeant Hirshman, my senior drill instructor, he's like the god he's senior journalist like staff sergeant. He saw me with a smile on my face. He's jacked me up against my bed, like against my bunk beds and smeared the banana all over my face. Like, oh my God, He lifted me like off the ground. And yeah, and that that smart got me in trouble that I didn't get to enjoy the banana like everybody else did. Yeah, no,

Kevin Donaldson: 33:09

did you ever get deployed

Unknown: 33:10

and never got deployed? I was in right during 911 and I was enrolled in college full time was about ready to get out. And I just was speaking about this the other day, you know, I'm sitting on my at my desk working and the next thing you know, we're checking out our war gear flag tag and we're doing 24/7 Security like the whole base was on lockdown. We're doing perimeter checks, vehicles checks, you know, pat downs and people like no one knew what was happening next you know, like this country there was planes you know, like crashing all over the country pretty much and so yeah, I was on base security you know, on lockdown, but I never did get deployed.

Kevin Donaldson: 33:46

You're almost better off because yeah,

Unknown: 33:50

it's Yeah,

Kevin Donaldson: 33:52

but I always change it but I imagine there was a part of you that was ready to you didn't join the Marines. Yeah to cook food like you said now

Unknown: 34:01

yeah, no, it's I can't change what happened you know, like I would have gone anywhere they sent me and I did whatever I mean, it was stressful time even after 911 You know like here I am. They thought our base the Mississippi River the mouth of Mississippi River and billions and billions of dollars go through there on on boats you know and we thought there was going to be like they were going to blow up you know just imagine all the boats coming up like up the Mississippi River bringing goods from down south all the way up north. Oh no. They thought there could have been like something going on around

Kevin Donaldson: 34:34

there. So nobody knew Yeah, nobody knew like we we had ADP and some as small as that we had ADP which processed that plant process like most of the East Coast paychecks Yeah, we were watching that because we were we were thinking okay well that's a high value target people paycheck shut down at Senator our economy. Yeah. And then you got you're telling me you got billions and billions of dollars running through the Mississippi

Unknown: 34:56

barges barges had an up you know like and they want to shut down economy what not obvious. Yeah. So yeah, like, I remember, like, we checked out our war game. I'm 16 and I was like, Damn, you know, like, it wasn't every day we ramped the ships getting real. Yeah, we didn't we didn't have any ammunition in our in our rifles at all times, you know, unless, you know, like, we evacuated. It's crazy. I was on the hurricane disaster platoon. And, you know, they evacuated the city. I was staying back protecting protecting the base too. So Wow. Yeah. Yeah, they evacuate a couple of times. And I left of less than a year of before Katrina, I would have been down there.

Kevin Donaldson: 35:29

What was the transition? Like, when did you Was there any plan on reopen? Was it now man, you're done.

Unknown: 35:35

Now, one step one step and to kind of like, gave me a bad taste in my mouth about it. And I was like, now I'm all good. And plus, I knew I didn't want to deploy all the time and make a make a career, but I wanted to, you know, come back home. And I ended up going to college. And actually, you know, like, colleges where, you know, my big, you know, tragedy came from one GI Bill. I did use the GI Bill, I went to small school, Eastern Connecticut State University, commuting to school, bartender working at a yacht club up near the ocean, you know, like upscale Yacht Club. Just making money part time and, you know, going to school full time business degree. And going out and having fun, like every other college kid,

Kevin Donaldson: 36:17

the transition from ultra discipline, to now you got some freedom? Yeah. How did you navigate those waters?

Unknown: 36:24

What, like, from the military, back to civilian world? Oh, man, like, I carried a lot of those, you know, with me into the civilian world, you know, took took everything very seriously. You know, like, like I said, when I was in high school, I wasn't ready for college, like the like now. Like, the discipline in the Marines, you know, instilled in me, and I took college very seriously, I had fun during college, but I never missed a class like I pride myself and never miss in the class and putting in the work. And I think it was a normal transition. Yeah, nothing really sticks out as far as you

Mike Failace: 36:57

barely made a class. That's why it's so yeah, yeah. That's why I'm here.

Kevin Donaldson: 37:02

So I paid for my college is the only thing that kept me going to class. I swear to God, yeah. I'm like, if I miss a class, that's and I did the math in my head. I'm like, I lose it.

Unknown: 37:09

Yeah, no, I was getting I was getting paid by the GI Bill. I was having fun in bartending and doing pretty well in college. You know, I knew I wanted to, you know, working in business, you know, I was always told you should get into sales, you should do this and that. So business was kind of, you know, the, the, the path that I chose,

Kevin Donaldson: 37:28

but bartending has some benefits and drawbacks and some drawbacks. Yeah, I know this from bouncing Mike can attest to this as well from bouncing and bartending. One for you. One for me.

Unknown: 37:40

See, I wasn't really big. Like, I wasn't really big into that. Back in the day, I didn't drink really much at work. It was when I went out and had fun with my friends. You know, like that. I was in college and single and going out and having fun and UConn just won the national championship. UConn was like, less than 15 minutes away from where I went to college. And so it was like, done, like my division three school. Yeah, this is all right, you know, like, but you can Yeah, that's way more fun. And when I was in the Marines, I was stationed in New Orleans, Louisiana. So you want to talk about a kid coming from a small town in Connecticut and then going down Bourbon Street. And I lived there the whole entire time. And I'm like, we're going out Monday, Tuesday went every night. And like, yeah, just drinking down. There is a whole lot. It's a whole different ballgame. It's like, we would grab like a daiquiri. Like here up here. We grab a coffee in the morning. We're going to a drive thru daiquiri shop to like her to get Oh, no shit.

Kevin Donaldson: 38:38

I heard about him.

Unknown: 38:39

Oh my god, like we would wake up and go to the Daiquiri shop that would be the first that

Mike Failace: 38:43

and in New Orleans twice when when when you wait to check into the hotel they have complimentary hurricanes, which was a big

Unknown: 38:49

red hand grenades, hurricanes, you name it. So here I am, like I was like New Orleans, Louisiana. So that sort of mentality I carried up to up to Connecticut with me when I was going to college. You know, like my buddies would pick me up at the airport would like we used to call it a roll pop bag, you know, like it's a road soda. Oh yeah. And so we'd have like a cooler beers and we'd like go like pick them up from the airport and have a few drinks on the way home and that's just the mentality we had but think

Kevin Donaldson: 39:14

about that drive thru service.

Unknown: 39:17

They don't they don't take the top off the straw. That's the law. So you know that little portion that your server leaves in Sunday

Mike Failace: 39:24

you're taking the top off when you get home? Yeah,

Unknown: 39:27

it's driving under the influence if you take the top off his straw, yeah, open container because

Kevin Donaldson: 39:33

it's in the world trying to advocate for not drinking and driving and there you go picking it up.

Mike Failace: 39:39

Pittsburgh, they have these like beer warehouses where you pull your car right in and the guy says what do you need? Give me like two cases of that through case. Put them right in your car for and you pull up

Kevin Donaldson: 39:48

we got to talk to Bernie one of our one of our supporters. Bernie O'Brien. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he's an interesting character. That's probably the reason why they do it because they don't want him in a store. Exactly. Yeah, they just tried to keep them outside of the store. So, like in a normal day going out with your friends, what what was the normal drink capacity?

Unknown: 40:10

Like on a night out like 1010 12 beers, you know like 10 to 12 beers and like nothing like nothing yeah like I'm not really a big heavy drinker that that shit came out later now I don't drink and the whole IPA heavier beer shit that's really I was like Coors Light that's all I ever drank and like, mostly water or whatever but yeah, we'd probably have like 1012 drinks a night and be like nothing you know? And but it was no problem right making the bad decision drinking and driving just, you know, we took turns, you know, we live in the sticks of Connecticut going out, you know, we live by two big casinos as well. And that's what we would do and go out have fun and Foxwoods, Foxwoods and Mohegan Sun, I live literally like 1520 25 minutes between the both of them, you know, like, they're very close. And we grew up in sticks, and that's the only thing to do is to go to the casinos or go up to UConn. So

Kevin Donaldson: 41:05

the American Indians got it, right. Yeah.

Unknown: 41:07

Right. It's, they suffered a little bit recently, but it's coming around. So yeah, we just I made the selfish and poor decisions of my friends and I we would always drink and drive and because it becomes normal train, like train. Yeah, you do want you don't think about Yeah, I always use the example. It's like, once you get away with something once and twice, it's like trained. It's like trained behavior. It's, you know, Oh, I did it once. I did it twice. And like, nothing ever will happen to me. And

Kevin Donaldson: 41:35

that's the worst thing. The worst thing that could ever happen is you get away with it. Yeah,

Mike Failace: 41:38

exactly. You get caught the first time you're never gonna do it again.

Unknown: 41:41

See, like, you guys. Here. I now am as we get a little bit more into my story. And, like, first time pulled over one year in prison. No, no attorney. What? Bam, no, I'm saying that's what should be Oh, to change the worst time bam, you know, even getting a phone call United even get an attorney. You get in right out of your car, go into prison for a year, like send a message Exactly. But there's all about it's all about money.

Kevin Donaldson: 42:07

There's there's an interesting question for you that, you know, if you knew the consequences of drunk driving are well documented, or well known, well documented. But most people don't think about them. But they all know that drinking and driving his bed

Mike Failace: 42:24

they don't think about until it happens to why it exists.

Unknown: 42:27

Why do you think it happens? society accepts drinking, drinking in general. What happens when someone gets promoted? Hey, we're going out having drinks. Holiday Party, hey, you know why drinks, wedding, birthday parties, everyone? Like it's it's a culture. It's the part of American culture, you know, alcohol. Is this a society accepted thing. And,

Kevin Donaldson: 42:51

you know, I always laughing during Prohibition, doctors used to give out prescriptions. Sounds a little familiar used to give up prescriptions for alcohol so people could drink. It's like, yeah, I got post traumatic stress. So I can have a prescription for alcohol. But it sounds a little it's parallel to what's going on now. Yeah. With marijuana.

Unknown: 43:08

Yeah, I just I don't know. I think since society accepts alcohol, it's shoved in people's faces. And also a lot of people are insecure, and don't have the confidence. You know, after having a few drinks and

Mike Failace: 43:21

get that lube note and how they all start. And you're in a barn. Now you'd start talking to anybody, oh, yeah, a couple drinks later.

Unknown: 43:28

So you say people always know the consequences of so

Kevin Donaldson: 43:32

it'll know the full consequences. They know, here's what they know. If I get pulled over, when I'm drunk, and I'm driving, I'm going to lose my license, lose my

Unknown: 43:39

license, get an attorney, get a bag, go through a few classes, whatever, hey, no big deal. So that that's an awesome topic that you talk. So I said, like, one year, like, I don't give a shit. You know, you need to feel the pain. People. Human beings don't make a change until they feel the pain in that. Absolutely. It's like, you get slapped on the hand a couple times. Oh, and that doesn't hurt. But like, bam, you get the belt from your mom or dad and you're gonna feel the pain and you won't do that shit again.

Mike Failace: 44:06

Well, I mean, that's that's with any crime now, you know, with bail reform and everything. Nobody's getting in trouble anymore. No. So they have this bail reform. They give you a slap on the wrist. You're back in the street, you're committing the same crimes again. Yeah.

Kevin Donaldson: 44:16

So you got to think through the consequences of your actions. And it's not until some tragedy strikes where you're like, and that's usually the way every decision goes in life like you. You do a little thing here a little thing there and it's not a big deal. When you get spanked hard. Now all of a sudden you learn your lesson, the whip got cracked on me for sure. And you learned a very, very difficult lesson. Yes, sir. So talk to me about the fateful night that we're obviously here to talk about the suffering of drunk driving. Yeah. Which is sort of the crux of your story. Yeah, part

Unknown: 44:47

of it for sure. Like I said, my lifestyle in the Marines going out New Orleans party and having fun. I carried that up to you know, Connecticut going out bars, you know, doing great in school, but make Goodness same poor decisions I was making, you know, in New Orleans and went out one night. I remember whatever I can kind of through friends and whatever memory I have. It was cold as shit. Like I remember it was like one of the wicked cold days in February, we had got a few inches of snow the night before warmed up. And I never had class on Friday, and I was out the night before slept at my buddy's place up. Thursday night, there was a big night to go out. We went out I knew. I worked out all the time at the gym in my local gym. And I saw my friend Rich at the gym. We had always talked about going out but his part time schedule with his work and school like never lined up until he's like, Hey, man, what are you doing tonight? I'm like, Oh, we're going up to UConn. He's like, No shit. And this was the first week back of college my last semester. I'm like, I'm here. I am a high school kid that like drank and parking lots and like went out in the fields and had fun going house bar and like I'm about to graduate college. I'm like, There's no frickin way like it's, it's kind of a big deal. You know, like for me, so Yeah, we're excited went out and he's like, come pick me up. I'm going to my friend's birthday party. And I'll go out with your friends. This was a rival town. You know, like high school football. Like that's huge. Like, it's like, you know, varsity blues type shit, you know, playing field grizzled. We hated each other. And then as we got older, we became friends. And he was from our rival town and popular group of friends. And he, I told him, I'd pick them up at the birthday party. So I went home, showered, and I was getting ready. And I'm walking out the door. My mom's like, Michael, be careful. The roads might get icy later. I'm like, Yeah, my whatever.

Kevin Donaldson: 46:39

Which is a question that every parent has said to their kid. I used to turn around to my parents go. I'm glad you reminded me that because I was going to be fucking reckless. I was going to do everything. Well, you know?

Unknown: 46:50

See, my parents. My parents never said like, Oh, who's going to be driving like it just like, you know, it was what we did. It's like, unfortunately, yes. They they hated the fact that I did it. They probably told me not to do it. But she just said be careful. It's going to be icy. I'll never forget those words. And here I am walking out the door, you know, and go pick up a 12 pack of beer. Go to the Birthday Party Pickup my friend Rich drop his car off at his parents house and we stop at my other buddy's house. And we're just heading up to you come in like me and four or five of my friends and going out dancing and drinking beers and close the bar out to AM's nothing to someone that's been in New Orleans for quite a few 2am is waiting where next?

Kevin Donaldson: 47:34

Exactly 24 hour. Like what? What like

Unknown: 47:37

party on the campus of UConn we go into next but like anyways, we closed the bar out and I remember it was like freezing cold and dropped off my friend at Eastern. What year was 2005 2005 So 2005 Min my senior college by ready to graduate can't even freaking believe it to be honest and had no and I live in the sticks like literally the sticks. And

Kevin Donaldson: 48:03

people don't think Connecticut's sticks but they've got some rural areas.

Mike Failace: 48:06

Yeah, with the windy roads.

Unknown: 48:08

Hills. Yeah, yeah. Trees right on top of the roads. Like literally the roots are like pushing up the road from where like, yeah, not not like out here, man. Nothing like it out here. So I had driven almost an hour already home like back from UConn less than 15 minutes on my way home. Coming down a hill around a corner. My car hits a patch of black ice loses. I lose control. I'm driving and I remember like it's crazy how everything happened that night. Like I shouldn't be sitting in his chair. Like I didn't have my seatbelt on. I always wore my seatbelt. I didn't like the shirt that I was wearing. I borrowed my buddy shirt like I was a little bit of a fashionista a little bit of a metro Metro I'd have like my shirt hanging up. Not that bad man like but no I took care of myself like to look good and and I didn't like my shirt. I wasn't feeling that. So I grabbed grabbed his and I went inside, use the bathroom and never strapped my seatbelt on afterwards and Rich was sitting in the front seat. hit a tree. I get ejected 20 feet from the vehicle. No seatbelt snow, six inches of snow on someone's front yard. And it was a kid actually coming home from a date. It was out we were knocked out at this point. Yeah, unconscious Lane Lane in my car was still running. I'll never forget the game CD had just came out. It was blaring the game a little into hip hop and r&b That shit was blaring and okay, we won't hold it against you. Sounds good, man.

Kevin Donaldson: 49:38

But before you go any further Yeah, before you go any further. We're just about out of time for this week. So I hate to do this to our audience. But I'm going to ask you a question. Would you be willing to come back next week and hike but because I think this is about to get real freaking dark. Absolutely terrible. I want to devote the proper amount of time to it

Unknown: 49:58

100% And it would be an honor to be able to come back here again.

Kevin Donaldson: 50:02

Alright, so that's gonna do it for this episode. This is just going to be part one we're going to break this up into part two, and it's too much to get into. Yeah, we just started here I'm not even going to do what we learned because I didn't even learn anything yet. So that's gonna do it for this episode of the suffering podcast don't forget, go to paypal.com Get yourself a free digital business or not a free I send it again digital business card put in tsp 24 20% Discount follow us on all social media tick tock Facebook LinkedIn follow Mike at Mike underscore Falaise. Follow me real Kevin Donaldson of course follow the suffering podcast and don't forget you can always listen before you watch. Don't forget to ring the bell one race to 10,000 and

Mike Failace: 50:40

comment, comments, get some comments. We enjoy comments. Good, bad, indifferent,

Kevin Donaldson: 50:45

we always answer those comments. So we're gonna see to wrap this because it's about the kid real serious and we'll see you on the next episode.