Episode 76: The Suffering of Cancer

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Welcome to the suffering podcast. Each week we walk you through how suffering is the way to sustainable success and the path to greatness. We can be found on Apple podcast, Spotify, Google podcast and many more. Visit the suffering podcast.com. For complete details please subscribe and like to get our latest episodes as soon as they drop. Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn for exclusive content. Please comment, we may read your comments on future shows or even reach out to you for a future guest appearance. Let's embrace how suffering forges bonds that lasts forever showing we are never alone. So get ready get ready. Sit down, sit down. 

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sit your ass down down sit your ass down down let's talk about suffering it's time to stop Sit down sit down and strap it on this is gonna hurt let's talk about suffering suffering it's time to start the pain the pain

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this is gonna hurt. It's time for the sufferings podcast podcast dented development project is a 501 C three nonprofit organization with a mission to assist first responders and their families repaired dents caused by suffering help us support the ones who take care of us selflessly dented things can still operate, but may not be as pretty as they once were. Make a difference and go to dented development project.com to get involved today, our heroes need our help. All knew suffering podcast gear is here. The show depends heavily on our supporters to get the word out. Let people know that suffering is a team sport, and no one is alone in their struggles. Wearing the suffering podcast merchandise accomplishes that goal. Check out our store at the suffering podcast.com. Or check our show notes for the link. Your support and love means everything to us. We go through our lives hoping to make it to old age. We never think about the difficulties and roadblocks that may be put in front of us. We think we're going to be strong, young and healthy forever. Then one day on a dime, things change. This unbearable truth hits us and we're forced to face our own mortality. It's very difficult being told that you don't have 100% chance of survival. Now, you have to bring that uncertainty into the world and tell those around you in your circle, that death is a possibility. Your attitude will most certainly change about all aspects of life. What have I not done? Who will miss me? Will I be forgotten? Have I live my life to the fullest? I'm Kevin Donaldson here with Mike Failace and on this episode of the suffering podcast we sit down with Tarot Matt alone to discuss the suffering of cancer. Tara has fought through all these questions and many more to gain resiliency in surviving. Tara, thank you so much for joining us today.

4:08  
Glad to be here.

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It's okay. You can tell us a little nervous.

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So we're gonna go a little rigid right now.

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We got bottles of what's your drink of choice. We got bottles. Don't worry, we'll take care of it. We'll we'll loosen you up.

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You're totally out of my comfort zone. But it's good.

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Well, that's what you have to do. You have to step out of your comfort zone you have to suffer.

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suffer a little bit to to get through it.

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And when you're done, you'll be like I was a piece of cake. This has nothing

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she's suffering right now.

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You haven't stopped so you haven't stopped smiling since you came in and I take that as a very good thing.

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Because I'm here, of course,

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of course because she's not the most feminine person in the room, or we don't and that's gonna do before we get into anything I want to get into this week's social media question and it comes from Jean. How do you react in your head when others talk about their suffering? Tara I know you're in the medical will feel and people unload on you certain times I grabbed this one specifically because I knew you were coming in today when somebody, a patient of yours starts telling you their trials and tribulations, not what you say verbally, but what's going on in the back of your head, do you think you can quantify that?

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I think, at this point, I can actually relate to what they're saying. And I can understand what they're saying. And I understand the emotions that go behind what they're saying and what they're feeling. Because now I've been there, you got some perspective, I got some different perspective,

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you had to go through certain things. And we're gonna get into that later. Because I want to know what your experience has done to your bedside manner. Because I think that's really important, because what you just said, you got a little bit more perspective on their side. Now you were on the other side of that hospital gown.

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I was the facilitator and helping them get through what their current situation is. But now, I was the one going through what they're going through. So I understand the fear, I understand, you know, the questions that they have when they come in, and the whole thought process and emotions behind it.

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There was a great movie called the doctor with the late William Hurt. Did you ever see this movie? No. So I think everybody in the medical profession should see this movie. It's probably 25 years old, maybe even 30 years old. And he is a

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judge when you were 40.

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If I'm 40, brother, what the hell are you? So what it is, is he was a doctor, and he was very detached from his patients. He'd been a doctor for so long. And I think he gets throat cancer or something like that. And he has to sit on the other side of the curtain. When he finally does get a spoiler alert, I'm going to ruin it, he does get better. his bedside manner changes just like that. Now, Mike, you and I, we listened to I thought this was very apt. This is our final audio recording in this studio. We've already said our goodbyes to the studio. But you and I have listened to a lot of suffering in this studio. So I'm not talking about what you say. Actually, man, this might be a bad question for you, because you got a fucked up head be

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thinking the same thing. You want to know what's going on in my head when someone's saying something.

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It's like a Picasso painting. Tell me a little bit in the back of your head. What you think about when somebody is really baring their soul, you know what

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it's like you almost put yourself in their situation, you know, you almost live their pain with them. If you have a related pain to that, you know, like Tara was saying, you know, she's been through that she knows it. You can't really grasp it. If someone I mean, you show remorse for them, or however you want to put that you feel for them. But unless you really been through that.

7:38  
That's the empathy versus sympathy. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So you can be empathetic, but you can't be sympathetic if you've never gone through it.

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You know, like I said, we talk to people that are involved in shootings all the time, we know what they feel gene albergue, we bring them up, although I can't feel his pain because he lost his son.

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Like, I'm empathetic to those people who are bald, but I'm not bald. So therefore, I cannot sympathize. I

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can't wait till the day you by the time we finish this podcast, you're gonna be dropped dead balding. I'm gonna get off my hands.

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But I'm also going to have five heart attacks. I'll probably stroke out, you know, is in the medical? Are we going to see Tara? I'll be willing you in in a wheelchair? Yeah. Listen, don't soil, your pants or anything. But I'm gonna give you a big shout out here. When it's time when somebody is in the chair the tears in and they're telling us some really bad stuff. If I was sitting in this chair, all alone without Mike or Mike is my partner in in the bedroom as well as on the table. Sometimes, if he was not here to defuse a lot of these things, I think I would have broken a long time ago. So in the back of my head, what I'm thinking is, like I said, Thank God Mike's here, because this is rough. Like this is really rough.

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You know, and that's how we do it. And that's, you know, some people object to some of the humor because some of the humor in this comes out at the most inappropriate times. And that's the break the levity, and, you know, move on from it to bring

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the levity bring levity. I'm here to educate,

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but you need humor, because that's how I got through a lot of what I went through. I had to bring humor to it because of not

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Well, that's anybody who sees that trauma every single day. Yeah, has to deal with it with humor, because otherwise you're going to drink yourself, you might do something else that's really bad behavior, or really unhealthy behavior. So we that's the way we do it. And if I don't think I could do this show alone, it's just I'm dealing with two heavy subjects that I can't I don't think I could take it on my own. You

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wouldn't be as successful if you did it alone. Probably not. Probably not. Don't feed

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into his ego. Don't do his his ego barely fits down the stairs now and now that we're on camera, that's why

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we had to get a new studio because you know, my head won't fit.

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So Tara, I there's a couple of things that I really, really love about your personality, and somebody coming from your background what you've gone through in your field. I know you've listened to a couple episodes that are suffering Podcast. I'm interested to hear what you think about it.

10:05  
I think they're great. I think they're very useful for somebody going through whatever they're going through because it's like, oh, wow, there's somebody out there that's going through the same thing. Either I went through or I'm going through now and I think you can learn from other people maybe how they dealt with certain situations and kind of feed off of that

10:23  
we say all the time. You're not alone. You know, when you're going when you're going through what you're going through. You feel like you're alone. There's other people out there that went through that and could help you up and walk it like you're doing now in your job you you know, Kevin, bro bedside manner, but your bedside manner is a lot better now. Because your empathetic tone.

10:40  
Yeah, it's not. It's not somewhere just the job anymore. It's been there.

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So how, how do we get the suffering podcast piped into the facility that you work in as like that elevator music they play in those places? Sucks. So we need the suffering podcasts. We need dark humor, we need to be making fun of people. So we need

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people laughing in the waiting room, you

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know? Yeah. Can you imagine? Can you imagine somebody like Bobby credenza? Yeah, sticking this on my ass and doing it? Dear Lord,

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but you know, what we could do is get a picture of us in like the waiting room, and people walk in look at our faces, and they won't feel like I'm doing pretty good.

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It's all about perspective. It's all about perspective. I know I got spinal meningitis, and but it's at least I'm not them. I don't look like a terror. You know, the first time i i know a little bit of your background. And the first time I spoke with you, I was I was taken aback by your very bubbly. You're very like, yeah, you know, this is just what it is. This is this is no big deal. So I want you to tell our audience a little bit about you. This is the toughest question that we ask people because people don't want to seem like ego maniacs, Mike and I ask us what, what about ourselves? Yeah, I did this, I did this or did this. But you tell us like, where you're from what you do? What's your blood type?

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I don't know. I'm from Linares raised by two very great, hardworking parents that probably instilled in me all my morals, my values, you know, who basically, I am today?

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What do you think the best moral value you learn from your parents was

12:21  
just to be a good person, have respect for one another, have respect for yourself, and just try to help people anywhere that you can. And I think that's what kind of drew me to my, to the field that I'm in, which is, is that I'm in the medical field. And I I love to help people in in any way that I can.

12:37  
Specifically in the medical field. What are what are your responsibilities? What's your expertise?

12:42  
Right now? I do I work in oncology, but I do more, you know, medical administration in oncology. So I work with four physicians who are really renowned throughout the country, I helped facilitate them with research. And that's what I'm basically doing right now.

12:56  
So I know cancer patients lose their hair. Did they go? Did they invent the hair growing machine yet? Not yet? They it's probably right next to the face off machine. Right?

13:06  
Yeah, I think I leaned on that machine. Because I got hair growing on my back like it's going out of style.

13:10  
I was saying after you're done with the hair growing machine, go to the face off machine, just to get a better look. It's an interesting field. But I imagine it's a very tough field. Because not everybody makes it there is no such thing as 100% cancer survival rate.

13:25  
No, but from the time that I've, I guess I've been where I am for 20 years. So from the time that I've started to now there's been a lot of change and growth, new studies, people are living longer, a lot more treatments. Cancer is more basically like a chronic illness, it's not so much more of a difference anymore. And there's a lot of a lot of new treatments bringing a lot of new hope for people. So I've seen I've seen it grow once a year.

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Yeah, that's a springboard.

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That's a bad one.

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That's, I mean, that's gonna be tough for you going through what you went through. I mean, we'll get into it, but to work in oncology. I mean, that's its reward. I mean, it's, I don't want to say it's your field, you know, but you have knowledge in that field. It's

14:10  
well, leading into that you are probably the most qualified amongst many people to work in the oncology field, because you have a very interesting suffering story. So why don't you let us in on that?

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Well, let's see. So I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Three years ago, at the age of 38. My mom had was diagnosed about, I think, a year or two prior, we didn't have any family history of breast cancer. They thought hers was mostly due to postmenopausal. So when she was diagnosed, she was like, I want you to get checked every year. So I started routine mammography screenings, and they found out that I had calcifications in my right breast, and so I

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saw what they do darnos

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mammography, squeeze the shit out of OH MY I can't.

15:01  
That's, I'm looking at him like that's, that's horrible. That's awful. You imagine if we had to get screened for testicular cancer the same way? I'm

15:08  
just thinking the same thing? No, they're awful if you're really small in size, and at that time, I was

15:17  
just like a pinch. Yeah. But I, I forget, I forget where I saw one. I think it was one of the health classes. And they were showing it and listen to it. I was a 15 year old boy. So I thought it was really cool to see a boo, boo boo, boo boo. But then I watched I watch it getting clamped into like one of those compressors, I'm like, Oh, my God, what did he do? And what are they doing? You had to go through one of those? And how often does a normal woman have to go through a mammography it usually

15:42  
once a year, unless they have a history of something, then they may do it every six months, but and I think now they tell you to wait till you're the age of 40 If you don't have a history of breast cancer, so I was at the age of 38 When I was diagnosed. So if I waited until I was the age of 40, I think my story would have been totally different than than how it turned out. So you think that's a hole in the system? No, but I think you need to be your own advocate. Like my mother was like, You're not waiting till you're the age of 40. And but

16:12  
the problem is with that, and I know this firsthand that if you some insurances will not pay until you hit 40

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I think I paid you I think I paid a small fee, but I listened to save

16:23  
your life. I get it. I get it. But I think it's I really appreciate you put on saving your life, you know, true, but I think the health insurance, I think it's really douchey of the health insurance industry to do that health insurance

16:33  
industry wants you to get sick before they pay, then they'll start

16:37  
paying that's how they make money. Oh, yeah,

16:39  
it's disgusting.

16:40  
But that for me, I find that abhorrent that they're doing that. Where had you waited? No, that test that you paid for saved your life? So take us down, you find out you have these calcifications.

16:52  
So yes, they had to get a biopsy. And sometimes with calcifications, you don't have to do anything. They're fine. So they did the biopsy. And mine was DCIS, which is called ductal carcinoma in situ. So it was just in the ducts that had not yet been invasive or had spread anywhere that we had known at that time. So usually, when you have that diagnosis, they'll do what they call a lumpectomy to remove the tissue and surrounding tissue to make sure that they successfully clear your margins so to speak. I

17:25  
can't think of a better word for it though than lumpectomy.

17:29  
Detoxification. You know, something like something like that, basically. Well, what was your word let the other week. What was your word when actually was in here? A badge of badges? Badges?

17:46  
Read six to me. Yeah. So we're like a badge sec.

17:50  
So we're creating all new like a tenant ectomy. Something like oh, no, it's the terminology tariffication vacation. So they do this lump ectomy and do they find what they're

18:01  
looking for? In my case, because my son, my excuse me, my calcifications, they were eight centimeters in size. In order to remove them and successfully clear the margins, he had said, I had to basically remove most of my breasts. And he suggested that I just removed my right breast. So I said, Well, if you're gonna remove my right breast, then you're gonna take off the left, and we're just gonna start over again. So we're gonna Angelina

18:27  
Jolie,

18:29  
but you're gonna if you're gonna remove, like, I want them to look the same, you know, you're remove one, I'm gonna have one. Like, it's just gonna level out. Yeah, you know, it just made sense. Just

18:43  
like the one to the center.

18:48  
In hindsight, after I had my surgery, and on the final pathology, I had DCIS on my left as well. But it was undetected because it was too small for the tech at the time. So that was really a smart move on your part. Yeah. To me, that was a no brainer. You gonna take off the right, you're taken off. Like that's it?

19:06  
I bring up Angelina Jolie, because I know she had them just there was no cancer in there. She, she just took them off. Like, obviously, she had fake ones. But in do you think that that is a good path, especially when women are not having children or beyond having children where they don't have to worry about breastfeeding or anything like that? Do you? Do you think that that's a good path to take? Or something that at least insurance companies should look at? Hey, look, I got you got a family history of breast cancer. Let's chop those puppies off.

19:32  
I mean, for me, that was the correct choice. For another person they may have feel totally comfortable with what you know, because I was told you don't have to remove your labs. You can you know, you can still have it.

19:45  
I don't think they make bras like that.

19:49  
I think it really comes down to a personal choice. And for me, that was what felt most comfortable. And in hindsight for me, that's basically what saved me. I look at my poor mom. are. And I shouldn't say my poor mother, but she has both her breasts. And every year she has to get checked in every year I see the fear in her face when she has to go. And she's like, I should have just, I should have just removed them.

20:13  
Is it too late to get them removed? Or

20:15  
no, she could, you know, you could if you wanted to, but for her, it's, it's too big of a process at this point. And she's been she's been cancer free. Now almost six years. So

20:26  
is it? Like painful? Or is it just did you feel

20:29  
anything when you had this like, or did you find it? Just the check?

20:34  
You mean, the calcifications? I couldn't feel them and it didn't hurt. There's no, I couldn't feel that my mother was prone to lumps. So she was able to, you know, feel her lump. I couldn't feel what I had. I used to do that

20:50  
back in high school, check for a lump on your shoulders,

20:53  
no women's breast,

20:56  
breast exams, the suffering podcast, medical oncology studio. Since this studio is no longer going to be used. We should just open up hey, look, come down your good typification Studio identification. Now, once they're once they're out, and they eradicate all the cancer in there, is there a reconstruction process? Yes.

21:20  
Alright. So the reconstruction process actually starts when you have your surgery. So you have two surgeons, you have your breast surgeon who actually removes your breasts, and then you have your plastic surgeon that works right alongside him. So at that point, they put what they call tissue expanders in to expand your, your tissue. And I was like, What the heck am I gonna look like was there this, I had no idea what I was gonna look like, Did you also have chemo? I did not need chemo because I have to get one of those ports. But mine was non invasive, because right before they did my surgery, they do do a lymph node biopsy to make sure it has not gone into your lymph nodes. So based on that, I was fortunate that it did not in the pathology, I did not need chemo or radiation or tamoxifen, or there's another drug to that you

22:13  
can take well, this is gonna, this is gonna sound really harsh, but I don't mean it to be harsh. I'm asking this because I'm curious. When they when you say remove your breast? Is it like shelling out a cantaloupe? Or is it like taking the cantaloupe off? And just like, and then putting it back? No, it's totally removing. So do they have to do they have to like remove the nipple and everything like that they do. So everything was off. So you have to get a reconstructed nipple? Yes. I'm telling you that I apologize. This is this is no reconstructing the nipple that they have to take like skin somewhere. And where was the skin from because I don't have any other skin on my body that matches what my nipples look like.

22:57  
They take off the tip of your pinky, I think little toe.

23:01  
So in my case, they actually use skin from my stomach. Because at the same time when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was diagnosed with Cushing's disease. I had a tumor on my pituitary gland.

23:14  
Did you put somebody off? I think I did. Yeah, you know, if I'm going to do I'm going to do a big deal, roll away,

23:20  
go big or go home, go big and go home. So

23:22  
you might as well have two major medical diagnosis at the same time. But I think Mike, you were I don't know if you remember it was about 100 pounds overweight, because the Cushing's caused me to have excessive weight gain and a whole bunch of other problems added to whatever I was going through at the time. So anyway, when I got my brain surgery, I started to lose all that weight. And I had a lot of extra skin on me. So my plastic surgeon took the extra skin on my stomach kind of gave me a tummy tuck and took that skin and made my nipples and that's how we made my nipples that way. And I'm not quite done yet

23:56  
got a free to free Tommy talk.

23:57  
Yeah, good every time we talk literally did

24:00  
so you were knocked down with the breast cancer. And then while you're down on the ground, you got kicked with the brain cancer.

24:08  
Mine was it wasn't brain cancer. It was a pituitary adenoma. So it was not cancerous but it was causing a lot of other imbalances in my

24:15  
body. Do you want to share some of those other imbalances?

24:19  
So I had my cortisol levels were high my ACTH levels were high like I said I was excessively overweight I had

24:26  
Did you have a lot of stress or was just the cortisol levels because cortisol is the stress hormone Right? Um, was it was

24:33  
it was like constantly being on speed. I had like all these I was just like constantly going like my body was just like in overdrive.

24:41  
Well, I guess that's good for work your job probably loved

24:44  
it. Here she comes again.

24:47  
Well, 136 hour shift after another Terror The

24:51  
tornado here she goes, this is this is

24:53  
an incredible story. So and you have such a great attitude. I'd be really I could be kind of pissed off either that or be playing the lottery, constantly. somebody owes you something,

25:03  
you don't have time to be pissed off because I was in the mode that I ran. I just I needed to we knew what was wrong with me. And actually it was I was happy when they diagnosed the Cushing's disease because I didn't know what was wrong with me. And I wasn't, you know, I look at myself in the mirror and go, this is like, not me, like, I don't know what's going on with me. But this is, this is not me. This is not how I look. And so that was a relief to finally go, oh, wow, I know what's wrong with me now. And now I can actually get back to being myself. So I didn't really have time to, you know, say be mad or angry or, or like, why is this meat was just like, No, what was me? No, it's just like, you know, alright, Tara, let's get in the game. Let's put our a game on. We're dealing with the breast cancer, okay, we have a plan. I did my breast surgery, I was out for a month and went back to work for a month and then I had okay, my brain surgery was in December. So we're just, we're just going to keep going down the line here and just doing what we need to do,

25:57  
which one was which one was worse as far as recovering other brain surgery to explain that a little bit. So we cut let's let's start with breast cancer recovery. So what's that recovery, like?

26:06  
Alright, so with the breast cancer, I had my surgery, they put your tissue expanders in, and then they start expanding you. And they what they do is you have a port, and they put saline via your pour, it looks like a pig's nose. Right? Well, actually, you can see it was like it was like a metal port and they had like this metal finder and then they just take the needle and you put the needle on the floor. And then the you know, the the IV just just just drips right in. Okay, and you expand to a little point where you pick your size so to speak.

26:36  
Never knew that talk a little more please.

26:38  
I never knew that you had all these decisions to pick out what kind of new breasts that you wanted but

26:43  
depending on what guy What guy you start dating them like you you like a bigger like, oh my god, you it's like hanging a picture a little bit to the left a little bit to the left. But

26:51  
that was the question. So Tara, how big do you want to be?

26:53  
go bigger? Go home? Exactly.

26:54  
You're gonna go big. I mean, you gotta go big. I'm like, Oh, my like, I couldn't believe people were asking me these questions like

26:59  
it would have been my it would be my question. I'm sorry.

27:02  
That's what Kevin said, when he went for his penis act a

27:07  
little bit more, a little bit more. It's a very over circumcise me, it's not my fault.

27:13  
So that, you know, they expand you to the size that you want to be. And then once you do that, then they go in and they put in your implants. And so I that took about five surgery just to do the breast surgery. Because as I was going through the process, I kept losing weight. And I was not happy with the size that I was. So I said no, we're changing these puppies come to get new ones. They're, they're not what they're not what I'm looking for. So but in between that process, then I had my brain surgery. And that was rough. That was what was so rough about it. Because they have a process that they want you to what they call crash where it's like you go from like having all this energy to like having no energy and that's basically telling you that what they did is is working so I would say for good. Two months I was on the couch like with I would sleep for like 24 hours

28:06  
did they screw like your endocrine system or so it's basically your

28:09  
endocrine system having to work itself to get back to normal so I was in January regenerate. So I was on a year of steroids hydro, hydrocortisone, which actually they started to wean me off and everything started to get jazz

28:24  
gym fitness shows like that it'd be answered in clubs all across North Jersey was given to you by a Russian doctor

28:34  
is given to me by great endocrinologist I love her to death she's the one who found out what was wrong with me but that was more of a process because you go from having energy being like none so it was horrible. And me I'm active like you know, it just wanted to get back to normal back to myself. So I think that was the roughest part.

28:53  
Now how long did it take you to reach some sort of homeostasis where you actually got back to feeling somewhat normal? A lot of big words thrown out here so if you guys

29:02  
need help gonna say I gotta bring a dictionary next time if

29:05  
you guys need help translation because I do speak stupid

29:08  
I heard you say home oh that's the only

29:12  
you mean from from everything

29:13  
not just you know you said you crashed you were on the couch for two months February went back to work from February from So how long is that? was December was your surgery December

29:22  
4 Yeah.

29:24  
So two months to you were able to get rejoined society in somewhat of a normal fashion

29:30  
Yeah, and I read drain society and COVID Hit again another

29:36  
American and nuts This is primarily recent.

29:39  
Yeah, that's that's some bad stuff.

29:42  
But I didn't care it was back to work. I wanted I needed to get back to normalcy for me and that was normalcy.

29:48  
Did you have to take any further precautions given your medical history when COVID hit and not to get into COVID discussion or anything? Were you I imagine it was little scary. Hey, look, I just got over this stuff. I'm Finally getting better. And now I gotta go back to work in the medical field, which is the most frontline that you can get where you