Episode 83: The Suffering of 14th & 2nd with Charlie Cifarelli

Kevin Donaldson: 0:01

Sit your ass down, down. Sit your ass down, down. Let's talk about suffering. It's time to start Sit down sit your ass down this is gonna hurt let's talk about suffering suffering, it's time to start the pain, the pain. This is gone. It's time for the suffering podcast. When our lives become an act for stage play, it's difficult to know how we will be received. We put ourselves out there for the world to see hoping that we can provoke thought, elicit emotion, and inspire. The tale we tell reveals a vulnerability that we must mentally prepare ourselves to be put on public display, giving those who normally would not have the right to comment on anybody's personal life, the ability to do so. Whether it be a viewer, a listener, or a reader, the general public now has the access to perform an autopsy on our personalities. I'm Kevin Donaldson here with Mike fleece. And on this episode of the suffering podcast, we welcome back our very good friend, Charlie cifre. rally to discuss the suffering of 14th. And second, Charlie gives us a glimpse into his own personal life that may just help you work out some of your own problems. Charlie, welcome back to the suffering Podcast.

Charlie Cifarelli: 1:52

I'm glad to be here with you guys.

Kevin Donaldson: 1:53

I want to point out that this is where it all began for Charlie. Yeah, it really did. I

Mike Failace: 1:57

got goosebumps. Yes, we were probably one of your first podcasts, right? Yes, you were and that now you're like a podcast superstar.

Charlie Cifarelli: 2:04

But now I'm busy.

Kevin Donaldson: 2:05

But it's great to see how your story which I always thought was a really great story progress. And you you really, it's not that you changed the story, you just gelled it better together to get the message out.

Charlie Cifarelli: 2:17

It was a lot and I got it a little smoother.

Kevin Donaldson: 2:22

I'm sure it was just some I know you're you're a transactional guy. I remember that from speaking to you often. And you prepare like you go into this these podcasts like you're a fighter training for a prize fight. Does it ever does it ever get too much where you just got to sit down and decompress a little bit?

Charlie Cifarelli: 2:39

I don't do that. You know, I really think about the listener. And I think about their gift of giving me that time to listen to me. And I owe it to him.

Kevin Donaldson: 2:48

I said something to you. And I don't know if you remember it. You went on some show and I said Charlie, you got to understand something. I think it was our show. You got to understand something. However many downloads, you have people gave one hour per download of their time to listen to your story and it's humbling, it is very humbling. Before we go any further I want to thank Toyota of Hackensack Toyota Hackensack has always been very good for us. If you're looking for a car, let them find you a car go to Toyota of hackensack.com. And they're going to take care of you. They're going to treat you like family. So head on over there today. Charlie, I

Mike Failace: 3:19

just got to tell you, Kevin did a beautiful intro to this episode today. I mean, it was I heard it 42 times, because he kept screwing it up. But it really is a nice intro. Alright, so I'm just had to get that out. I

Kevin Donaldson: 3:33

drew I'm gonna make a humble request here. I want you to release the audio of all the mess ups. And me telling Mike to go F himself and get out of here. It's one time right in the middle of it. I was getting it and you call me and say you were downstairs. I was like Mike, go get Charlie, it was you calling me to tell me you were some time. Before we go any further, let's get into this week social media question. And this social media question comes from Stephen. This one was tailor made for you, Charlie, it's where do you get your thought provoking comments from? We're gonna hand this one off to you,

Charlie Cifarelli: 4:03

you know, comes from two places. It comes from those that are teaching me I have mentors, I got coaches. And it's not even an informal sense of it. It's that the universe has given me a lot of really good people. And they ask a lot of great questions that make me think

Kevin Donaldson: 4:21

now your coaches are they would everybody would think is a normal coach. Are they just everyday people?

Charlie Cifarelli: 4:26

They are everyday people would experience in life.

Kevin Donaldson: 4:29

Yeah, that's the best. That's the best tool ever. That's the best education ever is the the ass kick in that life gives you Yeah, right. Mike, what do you think?

Mike Failace: 4:37

Yeah, I think it comes from life lessons. You know, really pretty much what Charlie's saying, you know, you learn from someone else, you know, and you take what they're given you and you turn that into your own.

Kevin Donaldson: 4:47

I listened to so many different people and I steal those. That's part of it. So we all know that we trade things we kick the soccer ball around one of the people who I listened to very closely is a gentleman named Adam Burt. We had him on our show used to play NHL hockey for 14 years. He's now the pastor of every nation's New Jersey church. And when he speaks, Adam Steele stuff too. Okay? Because I'll go to him. I say, Hey, Adam, I stole this from you.

Mike Failace: 5:14

As for Pastor, he's a thief, is what you're saying.

Kevin Donaldson: 5:17

He's a thief. He's a CS Lewis thief. But I am a thief of Pastor Adam Burt, I do want to give a shout out to pester Adam, because he's been a great influence in my life. He's really helped me solidify some of my thought provoking comments. And I listen to the guy everyday. But like you, I try my best to sit and listen and absorb what people are saying, because I think everybody has a valuable voice. You Charlie, now you you're somebody who lived this this whole life. And you've become this. I don't want to say different person. I think it's more an awakening of yourself. The real Charlie, maybe? Yeah, I think you're more the real Charlie now than say you were when you were in Nebraska. And I didn't even know you that. Right. Right. And that's just from what you told me is that you think that's fair to say?

Charlie Cifarelli: 6:06

Well, I think I'm out of the survival mode. I think for the first time in my life, I'm living, I'm breathing, and I'm seeing life and color.

Kevin Donaldson: 6:14

That's an interesting comment you see in life and color, do you think it was more black and white? Oh,

Charlie Cifarelli: 6:17

it was, you know what it was, it was a narrow vision that I had of everything. And when you're in survival mode, you don't take time to see that things are three dimensional. There's colors to stuff. Life is really just transactional. And I got away from that.

Mike Failace: 6:33

Do you think it's like releasing your suffering? Once you release your suffering now you now you're living?

Charlie Cifarelli: 6:38

Let me tell you, I released a lot of suffering. And, you know, I'm a definitely in a different spot than I was when I came on show number was 4646 40. I

Kevin Donaldson: 6:47

actually ever written down 46. Yeah, I'm just going to point it out to you. You know, we're we're Star Makers now. Yeah. Because you're your star now. Like, you're, you google your name and you are everywhere. And guess what I watch the thing, let me let you know a little secret. Everybody. Charlie and I and Mike were really good friends. And I talked to Charlie Charlie sits on our board of directors for a dented development project, go to Dennett, development project.com, you find out more and you'll find out more about Charlie. Charlie has been a voice of reason in there. During our board meetings and comes up with these ideas. You're like, what, how did that go?

Charlie Cifarelli: 7:21

That's a Nebraska. You take a New York guy and you stick him in the Midwest for 25 years. And you really got an interesting cat, somebody with patients that can say

Kevin Donaldson: 7:33

different mindset to and you you've become a sounding board for me in much the same way, Mike as a sounding board for me where I'll call him up and say, Hey, I got this idea. What do you think? And I'll call you up. You know, after you did a show, let's do an autopsy on that particular show. The information? How did it get out there? Did it get out there effectively? Did the message come across? Who's your sounding board?

Charlie Cifarelli: 7:56

my sounding board is of course, Jen. my sounding board is

Kevin Donaldson: 8:01

by the way, you are kicked her coverage on that.

Charlie Cifarelli: 8:03

That's what I hear. I hear that a lot. Yeah. She

Mike Failace: 8:06

said that I posted that comment that I covered. Yes. You know.

Charlie Cifarelli: 8:12

Yeah, she's, she's quite good looking girl both inside and out. And it's a

Kevin Donaldson: 8:17

she's brilliant. She is brilliant. She's brilliant. You know, that we that's good and bad. We surround ourselves with these people. We're like, What the hell are you doing with me?

Mike Failace: 8:26

So I tried to surround myself with ugly people. Wow. Yeah. Because you didn't hang out with Kevin, you didn't

Kevin Donaldson: 8:31

succeed. So Charlie, let's let's do a little recap. You were in here some time ago. I mean, this is going to be episode 83. Can you believe that? 83. So he was at the halfway point you were at the head about halfway point. Let's give a little background on yourself. If you give a little five minute synopsis so those of you who haven't seen you before on our show, know a little bit more about you.

Charlie Cifarelli: 8:54

Okay, I'm a native New Yorker born in New York City got a birth certificate that says that grew up in New York and then went out to Long Island. And it was a tough run. For me. I didn't grow up in a very loving home. I'm not unique in that situation. But my father was pretty crazy. And from the earliest age, eight years old, I was already in survival mode. I was getting kicked out of the house getting kicked out of aid getting kicked out of 12 getting kicked out of 13 and a scrapper, basically, you know, scraping for food and, you know, having to take care of myself at nighttime, you know, in school yards and it was not a good childhood. And a good childhood turned into bad teenage years and bad teenage years, led me into the wrong direction. You know, instead of following my dreams, I took the police officer exam back when I was 17 years old. So I can get on the force and I did real well with and I started the process of getting hired, and I got away from that. Then I tried to join the USA AMI and I had a medical issue, not a big deal, but it was enough for them to just, you know, tell me I had to go to my primary care physician to get cleared on something. And then I wound up in the streets of East New York, Brooklyn, some of the worst areas of the country where the infamous seven five documentary takes place. And I wanted to put on drugs, man. And it was bad. And I did that for a number of years. And I survived that. And, you know, I had an awakening, going on for the drugs, never touched drugs again, and wound up in the Midwest. And I wound up working for the Department of Corrections. You take a street guy that gets clean, that's honest. And you put them into Department of Corrections, I excelled.

Mike Failace: 10:47

I take a New York City street guy and put them into Brzeski Department of Corrections. Well, I

Charlie Cifarelli: 10:51

think he has where I want to say I think the prisoners prison no matter where it is, I mean, I think the prison is prison. I mean, there's the same kind of killers they got in New York, because they got in the Midwest. But I will tell you this. For me, that structure made me feel like I was in college. And I needed that. So I worked in corrections for about 10 years, and I got away from that. I just wanted to have a business and I started the trash business from scratch, and I exceeded what I thought would happen. I thought I'd have a little side hustle. And I you know, have a truck or two.

Kevin Donaldson: 11:27

Little very few people realize that most law enforcement Yeah, they always have a side hustle. Yeah, there's always something going on. There's electricians, there's carpenters. There's landscapers, we always try to get a little bit extra money, because I think it's some dealers, you had the famous Mike Dowd, the but we're always trying to supplement our income and law enforcement gets paid fairly well. What do you think if you were to do a deep dive into why officers do side hustles like that? Because it happens a lot, right? What do you think that might be?

Charlie Cifarelli: 12:02

Because in the back of their mind, in the back of my mind, there was always anxiety working for the DLC. And I wanted to have a parachute. And so what I was doing, basically, was saying this don't make sense, working a second job and building this business when I could just work time and a half or double time, right. But I know in the back of my mind, I can't do this forever. I've got to basically find a way out of here. So that's what I that's what I did. You know, that kind of work is very hard on the soul. And, you know,

Kevin Donaldson: 12:40

look, fellas we taught that's miracles a man that by a good friend, Pastor Ron Lewis, great book,

Charlie Cifarelli: 12:44

it's interesting. So that kind of work is very, very stressful in the soul. It's very hard. And, you know, I found something to do, and it wound up exceeding my expectations. I want to building a real life business.

Kevin Donaldson: 12:59

Well, I've seen it go the other way. And law enforcement where, like you said, they rely on overtime. They rely on road jobs, they rely on extra work within the system. And eventually that stuff dries up and living beyond your means you're living beyond your means. Right? Exactly. You've seen it time and time again, administration cuts overtime. Well, you relied on that overtime as part of your job, where you were the I know, the smarter people had that side hustle for that reason. They're like, Well, I'm not going to sit there. And I'm not going to rely on that stuff. It's there. It's I'll take it if it's there. But my real stuff is going to be over here. And they also try to set themselves up for retirement.

Charlie Cifarelli: 13:35

You know, you learn a lot about the Department of Corrections or the police department. It's interesting when I was very gung ho and I wanted to move up with the Department of Corrections. It was like a slow boat to China. But once I got preoccupied, involved in my business, all of a sudden, they were moving me up. It was like the opposite of what it should have happened. But I really guessed that looking back is an intense heat seeking missile. And once my focus wasn't so much and moving up, and it was on building a business, they kind of said, You know what, we'll give this guy a shot. It was like actually inconvenient, you know,

Kevin Donaldson: 14:08

intense intense heat seeking missile meet 30 Bump.

Mike Failace: 14:14

I am a dirty bomb.

Kevin Donaldson: 14:15

But that's, that's, that's an interesting life to go from corrections to the garbage business. Now, I know some offhanded comments, because I've read them where it's you went from taking care of trash to taking out the trash? Yes. I don't think that's necessarily true, because I know you have a different compassionate outlook. When it comes to corrections.

Charlie Cifarelli: 14:36

I do. I do. I really do want to get you know, every person that's locked up in America is somebody's father, brother, sister, and so on. And not everyone. I can't stress this enough. It's not a triple murder is not a Charlie Manson. There are a lot of people that are locked up with long sentences that just did a series of stupid things. to compound it, and once you are a felon, it don't take much to keep you away.

Mike Failace: 15:04

And winter felon, you're always a felon, because that comes with you wherever you go.

Charlie Cifarelli: 15:07

And it just goes with you. And as No, I think, more importantly, that stamp of being a felon just crushes people's aspirations,

Mike Failace: 15:19

because they consider you know, I'm a felon, now, I'm going to be a felon the rest of my life, never going to be able to get a good job. Yeah. So they just continue on with that deadline of that line of work, I guess you could say

Kevin Donaldson: 15:29

how many times in our lives, have the women in our lives blamed you for something that you didn't do? And you said, Well, screw it. If you're going to blame me for it, I'm gonna do it. Right. And I

Mike Failace: 15:39

can't confirm or deny. Right? Yeah.

Charlie Cifarelli: 15:45

So you know, and the other thing is, too, if you work corrections long enough, just like a veterinarian is not petrified of a pitbull, or, or other dogs. They see dogs for being a dog. And if you work in that line of work, yes, you know, there are bad people out there. And they are never to hit the streets again. But you know, a lot of people that they're they have because of their addiction. It's not always drugs and alcohol, gambling, you name it, people get addicted to it, and they wind up going down the drain. And once they get in that drain, it seems like it's almost impossible break out of that.

Kevin Donaldson: 16:19

You know, it's funny, you mentioned addiction, because I, as you mentioned, addiction, I stare down at this wonderful tome that you wrote. And we're here to talk about the suffering of 14 and second, so 14. And second is Charlie's book came out, what about a month ago, a month ago, a month ago? By the time this airs be out for about two months, this book, I've said this, I've been plugging the hell out of this book on this. Thank you. Thank you. And it's not because you're my friend, I would I would have plugged it because you're my friend. Let me let me make that clear. when this first came out, I ordered it. I read it. As I read through it, I called you I'm like, Well, Charlie, this, this is something special. And I would have read it no matter what. Yeah. But there are points in this book. And I got degrees and literature. So I'm familiar with reading books, and they're not pop up books, Mike.

Mike Failace: 17:10

His degree is in cartoon literature.

Kevin Donaldson: 17:12

There are very few books in this world that are able to elicit emotion out of me, like this book. And there are some points that we're going to get into some key points that I want to talk about as far as those, they really pull at your heartstrings, because you have the ability when you write this, to make me feel like I was with you. You know, when you're when when you're your father's doing some horrible things. I won't, I won't, I don't want to ruin some we're gonna get into some of it. But we father's doing horrible things. And I'm that little boy, I just implant myself into you. Yeah, that I don't know how you don't you did an unbelievable job. So yes, this book, Charlie's my friend, I want you to get the book. But as somebody here to tell you that's read 1000s of books, this might be one of the best books I've ever read.

Charlie Cifarelli: 18:08

That's pretty profound for you to say that, I appreciate that. And, quite honestly, I'm a spiritual guy. It was like God had my hands. I wrote the book physically, you know, I physically wrote it with a pen,

Kevin Donaldson: 18:20

which I agree with, because pen to paper, you get to connect my goodness.

Charlie Cifarelli: 18:23

And I gotta tell you something, I went in the basement of my home in 2018. I spent four months in the basement till this thing was done. And then I spent the next three and a half or plus years, slowly having it edited and going through it nine ways to Sunday to produce a finished product that the reader will say, You know what, I gave this person my time. And this was worth my time. Because I think 14th And second, if it can help you, you're going to know somebody that right next to a one hand check away that this story can help.

Kevin Donaldson: 18:59

There are points in this book where there are some really wicked things going on. Why write a book about your life? What drove you to get this stuff out of you?

Charlie Cifarelli: 19:14

You know, that's a great question, Kevin. And I want to put him once in a while he does and I know he does more than one. So I really need people to hear me on this one. So think about my life. I was always anonymous. My father always told me never say anything, no matter what happened in the house. I went all the ways to East New York, Brooklyn to get high on drugs and nobody in Long Island would know. I go to work for the Department of Corrections and you're sworn to secrecy, man, you can't talk about what goes on behind those walls. You just can't. You cannot talk about it. Then I got into trash business and other tough business that you got to keep your mouth shut. And I've always had to keep my mouth shut. And I've always been squared away. You know, I've been squared away with great credit, not telling My story so much. So I was at a law enforcement deal with you guys. And you guys thought I was squared away, because I never told anybody what happened. But at one point, I said to myself, I don't owe this to me, I owe it to other people. There were so many people that are named in this book that have helped me, you know, you're gonna read about seven incidences where a guardian angel came, and he was wearing a uniform, okay? And I'm not a guy that throws bouquets at anybody, okay. I'm a guy that sees life, you know, for what it is. And I mean, I never thought of police as being spiritual. But for the reader, if they go into this book, and they read the occurrences I had with police officers, at times that just were not even remotely planned and unplanned, just happened. So I wrote the book. And I decided to, I had some paralysis by analysis, where I didn't want to let go for a while. And I finally just said, You know what, it's time to go and I released it.

Kevin Donaldson: 21:08

How did it feel when you put that pen to paper and got this stuff out?

Charlie Cifarelli: 21:12

It felt really, really good. And you know what, Kevin, and Mike, I don't care no more. I don't care if you guys judge me. Because you know what, I judge myself long enough. And you know, the way life is, is this. I haven't done a drug in like 31 years, I'm clean off alcohol, 24 plus years. I have maintained normal life for many, many decades now. Quote, unquote, normal life. Yes, quote, unquote. I mean, as far as my neighbors would think, I mean, my Nebraska friends that are reading this book cannot believe the guy that was in charge of making sure all the pharmaceuticals are accounted for in the penitentiary hospital was my job.

Kevin Donaldson: 21:55

Mike, I don't know about you. But I'm looking. I'm listening to Charlie talk about this stuff. I couldn't be more proud. Because you remember when Charlie first came in that basement where the old studio was? What Charlie look like? Charlie, you were nervous. You were I know you've prepared? Yeah. All right. I

Mike Failace: 22:13

know you over Charlie Charlie's over, he was gonna say he over prepares for everything, because that's the type of personality he has.

Kevin Donaldson: 22:19

And I'm watching this progression from our our show that we did some cheese that was it's got to be almost a year ago, it's pretty close to probably 910 months ago. This progression of this, really, I don't want to say downtrodden, but you had to like a sadness to you. And then I see you now when you're talking on camera. Yeah. And I see the look in your eyes, and I see the glimmer in your eye.

Charlie Cifarelli: 22:43

Thank you. Thank you.

Mike Failace: 22:45

It's like raising your child. We raised Charlie right before all right.

Kevin Donaldson: 22:49

So our show we that's what we want out of our show. Because this whole book is our show, in a nutshell, the roadmap of the suffering podcast, it's, you start in one place, you go down, and he come back up. And there's many different levels in between.

Charlie Cifarelli: 23:05

I think I think the general public doesn't realize addiction and how it affects society and how it affects their loved ones. I don't think people realize that. And I don't I don't think that the general public understand addiction, that if you're a drug addict, and we stop doing drugs, and we don't do any treatment for that, because remember, the drugs are only a symptom of the addiction, there's a deeper underlying problem. It will shift to alcohol, and all of a sudden, you'll be a drinker. And then all sudden you a close up on drinking, and all of a sudden you want to have gummy bears with THC or whatever in it, and add a cash to arrest the addiction.

Kevin Donaldson: 23:44

I always consider addiction like an umbrella. And underneath that umbrella falls all these different levels. If you're going you're always going to have that umbrella hanging over your head. Yeah, what you fill underneath it with, it's what you're trying to mask. Some people do it with drugs, some people do it with pornography, like Mike. So

Mike Failace: 24:04

whatever it takes, whatever it takes to fill that void,

Kevin Donaldson: 24:08

but there are some good addictions. There are some positive addictions. This

Mike Failace: 24:12

book was almost like an addiction to that. Getting his book finished in his book and writing it like you said you. It went full bore into

Charlie Cifarelli: 24:19

it went full bore. And can you imagine I can't imagine you don't have an unbelievable memory. And I also throughout my life, have taken notes I got I got boxes and stuff. I recorded my life in when I worked at Department of Corrections. If there was things that went on during the course I have all those records. And in creating this book for the reader, I made sure that it was as accurate as possible by doing newspapers.com to get the actual articles by doing deep Google searches to make sure when the reader read this, because there's a lot of information here that they're going to be like wow, I mean

Kevin Donaldson: 24:58

one of the recalls amazing is a 50 year book.

Charlie Cifarelli: 25:01

Yeah, it's actually longer the book really takes place in 1968. When I get my German Shepherd, we go to Woodstock in 1969. And then we start the 70s. And you

Kevin Donaldson: 25:13

picked up that hitchhiker, we picked up the hitchhiker who smelled really bad. Now, Mike and I, Mike and I have arrested people who smelled less than pleasant. So when you describe that as a little kid with your dog sitting in the middle, yes, and this is what I'm talking about earlier, where you have a way of writing where you can have the reader visualize what you're going through, I almost feel like you're there, I could smell this hippie.

Charlie Cifarelli: 25:40

You know, Kevin, mental, and I saw this when I work corrections, mental recall is probably the worst, okay. And the reading I've done like the art of thinking clearly really says that. So in my life, there has been some major events that I remember, like, there's no tomorrow and some of the trauma has caused me to block out periods of time. And my trauma was a double trauma. I had a physical father who was just beat me like a man when I was little, and then a mother who played the mental games. And I don't think anything that I went through is unique. But the level of craziness might have a cornerstone.

Kevin Donaldson: 26:19

So you've experienced both types of abuse as a child. So we're going to start when you're young you do you experience both physical and mental, slash emotional abuse. I've long said for myself, I'd rather be physically abused than mentally or emotionally abused because I feel I find that more painful. Yes, as somebody who's gone through both, what is your take on that?

Charlie Cifarelli: 26:42

My take on it is that with physical abuse, you do get an adrenaline dump. And you do get, you're able to toughen up against it, and you're able to withstand it more and more. And what hurt you yesterday might not hurt you a week from now. But with the mental it's breaking you down and your core, your your resolve to to exist, it's just being beaten down, and your spirit is killed. And when you kill a spirit, you kill your spirit. There's nothing left to you. But when it comes to physical abuse, you know what, there's a party that says, You know what, give the best you can I'll handle this.

Mike Failace: 27:21

Well, the physical abuse, you have the scars and the wounds, right mental abuse, your your height and all that. Yeah, it really is should call should fall under like mental health issues. Absolutely. Because you know, you're getting all this verbal abuse and all that and you have no signs of show, you know, there's no way of showing that.

Charlie Cifarelli: 27:41

There's no way of showing that. So both of those things were going on, and I wouldn't want to live it again.

Kevin Donaldson: 27:47

And you were going through it all alone. I was it would have been much easier. Not better, but much easier if you had somebody who was going through it like say, and I don't wish this on anybody if your mother was going through physical abuse alongside of you, because then you could have found such something to bond with. Right,

Charlie Cifarelli: 28:05

right. Well, I got through it. And this is a book that almost didn't happen. This is a story that almost didn't happen. And the fact that I crossed paths, what you guys see now the book was started to be written in 18. And it was pretty much done by 19. But I didn't really see this book was really a gift to me. And then when I started to do the podcast and started talking, and we'll get to the reason why I mean, I would have lived my life in obscurity. Nobody would ever know my name. If it wasn't for a couple of things. We're going to talk about

Kevin Donaldson: 28:41

how many times did you go to release this book and pull it back?

Charlie Cifarelli: 28:46

I did a number of times, or I would do. I would just have another editor go through it and Riad it or look. And I played games, I just did not want to release it.

Mike Failace: 28:59

So you were having those other editors, just so that you had more time and you could say no,

Charlie Cifarelli: 29:04

here's what happened. And here's the growth I have now. You know, when you've been abused, you seem to have an allegiance with your abusers. Okay? And you can't believe this is going on, but you kind of want you feel bad for them. And you're like, you know what, if I put this book out, it'll expose a lot of people. But you know, I started to look over my life. And I said, my brother moved out when he was 16. And he changed his last name legally. And he never looked back. And he moved eight states away. And at some point, I had to be true to myself and say, You know what, this is about me. Whatever time I got left on this planet. I'm going to at least have a homecoming for me.

Kevin Donaldson: 29:46

Well, because you lost a childhood. I lost a child

Charlie Cifarelli: 29:49

but I got one back and we'll talk about that. You know

Mike Failace: 29:51

what the people who've gone through abuse and maybe this was part of it, too. They call it resisting success. Because you're never used to having success, you're never used like you said, you lived in anonymity. You know, and maybe you're not wanting to release the book was you are resisting success you didn't want to, you're still reverting back to your childhood trauma.

Charlie Cifarelli: 30:16

Could very well could be very well could

Kevin Donaldson: 30:18

but once you get that resistance of success, you didn't just make that up.

Mike Failace: 30:22

What was the the social media question?

Kevin Donaldson: 30:26

Where do you get your thought provoking comments from?

Mike Failace: 30:28

You're welcome. Thank you.

Kevin Donaldson: 30:30

Where'd you get that? That the bathroom wall? Yeah, right. Don't

Mike Failace: 30:33

run it under my name and phone number.

Kevin Donaldson: 30:37

Charlie, there's, you go deep into the addiction portion in this book. And it gets bad. It gets really bad. But there's one point in particular that I want to bring out because like I told you earlier, this book made me tear up at one particular point. You were just in the throes of addiction. And you, you were downtrodden, you're homeless. And you're on this train. And a stranger says sees you and sees that you're not doing well. Yes. Do tell us a little bit about that story.

Charlie Cifarelli: 31:15

I was on a Jamaica train platform, waiting for a train. And as peaceful looking fellow looked at me, I looked at him. And he came over to me. And in moments, which seemed like forever, but was only a couple of minutes, he gave me the rundown of his life. He had told me that he had been addicted to drugs. And then he lived in the Bronx in a refrigerator box. And I asked him, Why is he telling me this? He says you don't look well.

Kevin Donaldson: 31:45

But you weren't like the tippet stereotypical homeless person? You you? Because I've seen pictures of you from back then. Right? You're a big dude. Yeah. You were you were in shape.

Mike Failace: 31:57

And pretty much well kept for that.

Charlie Cifarelli: 31:59

Right. I was. But the thing is, Kevin, that's part of addiction. You know, I was running around. I mean, for the listeners. I mean, remember Joe Clico? Sure. I mean, I mean, I had a, I had a 20 inch neck, and I had, you know, the arms and chest that went along with it. Because I had lifted a lot of weights, because prior to hitting the drugs, I mean, I was working in nightclubs. And I spent a lot of time with the rage. I had lifting weights and doing all that. But it still didn't matter. My eyes told the story to this guy, Michael. And he would tell me, where there would be help. There'll be a monastery along the Hudson called gray more. Is that still an exist? It's still in existence. Yeah. And it was the beginning for me to realize I was done. And I would be seeking a spiritual intervention to Stop this craziness. And you

Kevin Donaldson: 32:50

had been to detox or rehabs you'd been too many to count, no kid. And what was so different about this gray more?

Charlie Cifarelli: 32:57

Well, the thing was, they came at me with the routine 12 steps, 12 traditions, which works with people. But I was so damaged. So much trauma that a rehab didn't have enough time to put in all the help I needed. Remember, rehabs got a lot of people. And I would send them on a seesaw back and forth because I was not ready to face myself. But the monastery would help me do this. By not having to look at myself by myself. They'd be able to tell me Look, there's a higher power, you got a belief in God, you're not doing this alone. And the monastery is what I need it in order to separate me from the drugs and have the clarity to say what am I doing my life. And once I got clean off the drugs, it became apparent to me there was something that different had changed,

Kevin Donaldson: 33:48

stepping back, just a hair. There was the point when you had called your father who you had a contentious relationship with. Yes, you call your father to take you up to this monastery. Yes. And you're hungry, and you're homeless. I am. And all you want is some chicken. That's all I want. I want a meal. This is one of the most amazing, amazing parts of this book to me. To me. It's really one of the climaxes of this book. Is you go up to this, this Stan to get some chicken and you don't have any money. You order it, but you don't have any. I just got 55 cents about Yeah, and the guy grabs you, yes, and starts assaulting you he that

Charlie Cifarelli: 34:24

he does and just to back up for a second Kevin basically what happened was, I thought by ordering the chicken.

Kevin Donaldson: 34:31

If you will get the chicken from the Grand saloon, then that would have been different that 940 Van Halen Avenue grand saloon Grand Slams got some good check. And

Charlie Cifarelli: 34:37

I wouldn't have been fighting like I was here but I wound up ordering the chicken. And then I put the 55 cents on the counter and told me to have the money. And the guy got incensed and is incensed, and I didn't react do nothing. He put his hands on me.

Kevin Donaldson: 34:53

After the fights over and you were found not culpable of starting the fight right This is the incident where a man in blue Yes, sergeant comes up to you sees that you're hurt. And he does. And what's he do?

Charlie Cifarelli: 35:08

He says, What's your story? I told my story in just a few moments. I told him, my father was coming to pick me up, I was gonna go up to a monastery, and I was gonna get clean from drugs. I could tell he knew that I was hurting. He told me to go outside. and a moment later, he came out with the chicken dinner. And he paid for for me. And it was just that act of kindness. I mean, you would have thought I hit the lottery, I would have smile as big as can be. But it was the turning point in my life where I saw that I stopped fighting. I stopped, I stopped fighting. Just that

Kevin Donaldson: 35:40

little random act of kindness. Yeah. was huge, made a huge difference. And I'm reading this. And Tears are coming down. This this is this is amazing. You know who that gentleman was?

Charlie Cifarelli: 35:54

The sergeant? Yes. I do not know him personally, you don't know

Kevin Donaldson: 35:57

him. Personally, I would love to find that guy just to shake his hand to say, you made a difference, because as police officers, that's all we want to do. That's all you want.

Mike Failace: 36:05

But now you had a chance to pay that forward to I have had a chance to pay it forward. And when you took the trip to New York City, to go meet the lawyer. Yes. And you ran until you homeless guy,

Charlie Cifarelli: 36:19

journalist, the journalist, the journalist from New York, that was out there with the death row in Yep, yes.

Kevin Donaldson: 36:27

But the you throughout your whole life in this monastery takes you in. Thanks, man. And you were resistant to it in the beginning. But I watched up until this point your family and you taking in dogs and really having a bond with these with these different animals. And that's what the monastery did for you. Because I know you're doing that now. We'll get into that in just a little bit. But that's what the monastery that's how I saw it, the monastery brought you in and showed you the humanity and the friendship and the love that these animals had for you growing up and in your throws with it actually did.

Charlie Cifarelli: 37:04

And you know, it was the first time in my life. It was my first time my life that I really felt the word love, effectively. And here's how it was. I remember after about two weeks in a monastery, eating regular meals, I felt my old self again. I just thought I had a bad this is addiction. I thought I had a bad trigger luck. So I told the monastery that I was ready to go back home. Weird. And they said to me, you have no home. You're homeless. We're providing a home for you. Because we care for you. I started to cry. I realized at that point. I was done. I was really done. You know, here's the good news. I never had to pick up drugs again. I never had to go down out again. And but there's more healing that goes on after drugs, drugs, which is part of the problem.

Mike Failace: 37:50

But is that the first time you ever felt actual love? That was

Charlie Cifarelli: 37:55

definitely that was the first time that I ever felt like I was kept for like my life had some value.

Kevin Donaldson: 38:03

You move on out of the monastery and I know there's several different steps which you get into very clearly in this book. Yeah. Between there and time to I know you follow followed a girl there. They sometimes lead you in a direction. Sure. Follow, you follow this woman out to Nebraska but even that you were resistant to I was resistant that you didn't want to leave your home to go to so

Charlie Cifarelli: 38:25

I'm gonna say this to you guys. I really do like New York. You know what, New York people just knock around people. And when you're from New York, there's like some type of even if you're well, you're still a little nuts, because like New Yorkers think they're all famous. So they think something's big from being from New York. And I was very proud to be from New York. And I just didn't want to leave it. But I did leave it

Mike Failace: 38:47

is it's maybe you're afraid of change. It could

Charlie Cifarelli: 38:51

be that but it's also like, you know, I wanted to have my day in the sun where I'm from. And moving to Nebraska. Although, you know, a lot of people don't know much about the Midwest. Nebraska is not the South. It's not the west coast. It's just really like, neutral. It's a neutral place to live. And it's pretty mod was actually a lot more modern than Long Island was because it's a new place compared to New York.

Kevin Donaldson: 39:19

The infrastructure is probably the infrastructure is way better. But you weren't done with suffering. No more suffering today. You had a little bit more but they were tests. Yeah, you you, you're clean. And you move out to the Midwest and everything seems great. You're married? Yeah. And you seem to have this life that's being that's coming together. All that stuff that you wished for. But you're not done yet? No, not done yet. That now you start having problems at home? Yes. And leads you back. One little trip up into addiction.

Charlie Cifarelli: 39:49

It does. And this is the crazy part. I just felt that is that. You know here to here is a guy that went through all this trauma, and now I'm working in a Department of Corrections and instead of like working in work release are working for, you know, the youth facility. I'm working at the penitentiary. But then I'm not even just working at the regular general population. I'm stuck with death row segregation units, the crazy shit. Okay. So at some point I decide that I'm safe from everything. I'm going to have a drink. Because I got this B. Yeah, I felt as though you know, what could I mean, I got a job, and how I don't really like alcohol that much. So how can this thing go bad? Well, the thing I realized quickly is your brain does not know what is being anesthetized by. So it doesn't think, Okay, this is a different substance, it'll react different. No, it was like I never stopped, the craziness came back. So the drinking was short lived. But it really had brought me to my knees and made me convinced, on April 5 of 1998, I came home from the penitentiary after working a two to 10 shift, stopped at the liquor store, and just guzzle down 40 ounces of beer. And that would be the last drink. And I'm in permanent sobriety one day at a time from that period forward. I just celebrated 24 plus years to live

Kevin Donaldson: 41:07

the rest of your life that one day at a time because I do something very similar to that where you tell your if you were to tell yourself, I'm never having a drink ever again. I'm never doing a drunk driver again. That's pretty overwhelming to

Charlie Cifarelli: 41:22

think about it is but you may be fooling, you know, you know what you are exactly right, Kevin. But here's what the nice thing about it is. A drink or drug is never farther than my arm can reach. But here's the good part. I like being crystal clear so much more than I like being inebriated. Okay, I'm hooked on consciousness. Now. I want to deep breathe, I want to go swimming when it's cold out. I want to do everything I can to get the most out of this life. Because I lost so much time

Kevin Donaldson: 41:49

where you concentrate more on your body, your body has become your new addiction. It has

Charlie Cifarelli: 41:52

become my new addiction and being conscious. I mean, you could you know, look, it's no secret. I mean, I eat once a day. I don't want anything in my way. Because even with food I found if I take in a bunch of food, I'm like Punchdrunk, I get that just went high. And then I'm low. And I'm just not doing that. I just need one. Today, I'm done.

Kevin Donaldson: 42:11

That's why we're big proponents of one of our sponsors X body if you go to x bar to us and go to their facility in Wayne, they're all about making this hole. So this can be hole. It's exactly right, right through testosterone therapy through IV drips through. They do cosmetic stuff. They're you know, this is the world we live in gut checks, gut checks, you know, Kevin,

Charlie Cifarelli: 42:31

an unhealthy body cannot help a healthy mind. And I know a lot of people don't think that. Really, when you're crystallizing your life, your life has three parts, okay? There's the spiritual, mental and physical part which every 12 STEP program in any spiritual program has any religion. But you don't get it back spiritual. First, you get back your physical condition. That's the first thing you work on your body and your mind clears up. Once your mind clears up. You have the ability to pray and meditate in body, mind and soul. There you go. And you can't do any praying and meditating. If you've got unhealthy, bad gut bacteria.

Kevin Donaldson: 43:03

You go through you get yourself sober, you're into department corrections. You start this trash business as your side hustle. Turns out to be this life changing thing because you're ultra successful. Yes, but you're you're an addict. No matter what it is, you're going to addicts put their full force of everything they are behind whatever they're doing whatever their focus is, like

Mike Failace: 43:26

in New York, it wasn't too far behind them at this point, either. True,

Kevin Donaldson: 43:29

true. And you're that heat seeking missile, like you say, and you become this heat seeking missile towards a garbage business. And it's ultra successful enough enough. So where you're able to leave the Department of Corrections I did. And was that more for a soul healing? Then this business opportunity with the garbage business?

Charlie Cifarelli: 43:46

You know what happened? It was really simple. I was going back and forth. Because you know that I had moved up quite a bit. I mean, I only had the Department of Corrections, the penitentiary had 500 staff. And I answered to the associate Warden who answered to the ward, and basically I was like the Fauci of corrections. No one No one No way. Nobody tells Fauci anything to do. That's the way I was. So it was very hard for me to leave. But what happened was when 911 happened on that Tuesday, I looked and thought about every one of those souls that was lost, had no idea they're gonna lose their life. At that point forward, I said to myself, I am never living in limbo. And I was living in limbo, do I stay with corrections? Do I keep on working the business? And I decided that day, I was done now I put my two week notice in and I don't even know if it was a two week notice I put my resignation notice in on a Wednesday, and they did everything they could to try to talk me out of it, you know, the economy might be changed by this. This job is always going to be here. And I said to myself, I didn't live in fear. I said, No, I said, this was part of my life. I have to close this door. And I had I had a really I had an interesting, you know, deal on corrections. I mean, Kevin, I mean, just one thing I did Hitting on death row inmates got 3.5 million listens on on on the internet.

Kevin Donaldson: 45:05

I'll throw a shout out to trend to fire on that one for Julian Julian Dory. Yeah, that's short. That's a great short because he does it in such a way where you feel you have this ability when you're speaking about things like this to show the humanity. Yeah, you're not that robot behind that glass. This guy is about to die. And you just give them a little bit of

Charlie Cifarelli: 45:26

you know, and unless you've been in that situation, I know people want they want a blood thirsty. And for the criminals, I agree, man, if somebody hurt my family, or anybody, I mean, I have the same empathy. You know, listen with my family, if I hear something happened, but at the end of the day, when you schedule an execution at the exact moment, you know, this darkness is coming to the prison at a certain time. And you never think you're going to sign up for a job that has you get your hands that involved in something. So I'm glad that's behind me. It definitely, it definitely is not something that I look back at with any happiness.

Mike Failace: 45:59

Like you said, even those death row inmates, they're people to you, and they have family,

Charlie Cifarelli: 46:03

they do and you feel for the family. And the victims never feel better after we execute them. That's the big there's no closure, there's no closure. No, there's no closure. And you know, I gotta tell you, I learned a lot from those guys, as we talked to them. I learned a lot from those guys, because I spent a lot of time with them with their visits. And it's a lesson in psychology. It's a lesson in psychology and you know what I learned about murderers? That can happen to anybody that people today that are walking around today can do that tomorrow. You just never know when somebody's gonna flip the lid and do something like that. So

Mike Failace: 46:36

we're always one step away,

Charlie Cifarelli: 46:37

always one step away so

Kevin Donaldson: 46:39

much that that shut down your emotional capacity, dealing day in and day out. You're in recovery. Yes, you're in recovery in your emotions, where you went from anesthetizing your emotions with drugs and alcohol. And you got to guard yourself against

Charlie Cifarelli: 46:56

that, look, it's surreal. I mean, you don't hear about this. Often you hear wardens talking, you never hear the staff members talk because they always got a lid on them. When you know someone is going to die at a certain time at a scheduled death. And they know the process because they've been told what's going to happen to them. And you're doing that last visit. You feel like you're dying, you literally feel like you got a date with that electric chair. You got a date with that gurney. And now that's the lethal injection, but I was doing a workout with the electric chair. It is heavy. And I tell you this, the people I know that were part of the death squad, they all had health problems they all drank. It's just not a normal line of work to do scheduled death. Now, as a police officer, look you're going to do or even a citizen, if you see a crime in progress, you're not going to care about your own safety, you're going to jump in front of a bullet, you're going to jump into a burning home to save somebody's life. But that's not the way the death penalty is held out. It's a long process to finally get down and dramas really built us the slowest

Kevin Donaldson: 47:59

quick death in the world. Yeah,

Mike Failace: 48:02

I mean, how many people are on death row for like years? Yeah. And appeals in the middle 10 years.

Charlie Cifarelli: 48:08

And you know, for the people that don't know, you know, it costs more to do a death penalty. We found that there are people that are innocent, I was there when a guy got off the death penalty. For those that like to go, Jeremy sheets got off of the death penalty. And it was a part of my life that I wish I never had to experience. I mean, could

Mike Failace: 48:29

you imagine that guy you sentenced to death kicking off, and then he winds up? You know, and then they find out that he he's not the one who did it? You know,

Charlie Cifarelli: 48:36

he may or may not happens all the time. But the thing is, I just wish I would have had a regular life sometimes. But I wouldn't have wrote 14th and second and the reader is going to hear a bunch of bunch of stories that make them at the end of the day reflect on their life. And if they got some struggling points, they got some things. I think it's going to be a motivator for

Mike Failace: 48:55

more importantly, you wouldn't let us know. If you weren't just Charlie from the street. I would have never met us and

Kevin Donaldson: 49:00

there's this serendipity that we always we do talk about often on here. But you are also known. You are the father of somebody very famous. Yes. You are the father of stars in New York. Pitbull. Yes. Who, who was shot at 14th and second, Washington second, which is, oddly enough where you used to get your drugs I used to get drugs a 14 second also. How's that? So the universe brought you back to 14 to 1410 second in some form or fashion to take this guy who is who used to be anesthetized with drugs and alcohol was now anesthetized through life experience it was kind of shut down black white. And the cool thing about this book is you're following two different paths and you're reading these two different paths from from stars journey to you know, we all know from the last episode star was shot in the eye, but survived. And you could just you're waiting for them to collide, right these two separate worlds to come allied. And what I think is that is your birth. That's how I see it really,

Charlie Cifarelli: 50:05

it really was in August 13 of 2012. To bring you there. I was at my desk. Kevin, I was so far from the guy I am today. I had blocked out my past, all I thought about was making money.

Kevin Donaldson: 50:20

This episode is going to air right around the 10 year anniversary of the shooting of stars in New York. Wow. Isn't that, once again, the universe opens up and shows us what's possible and

Charlie Cifarelli: 50:31

shows us what happened. So I mean, I was going to, I'm in Nebraska at my desk. And I'm going to open up the internet. And I'm going to read the New York papers because I never stopped reading

Mike Failace: 50:42

what was going on. That's what I was saying before New York never left them. That's it. Hey, and

Charlie Cifarelli: 50:47

I was going to read a story on the internet that I thought was shot and killed. And a homeless man went into a seizure that had a drug problem lick stank with flexitank which, and my life would be changed forever, because I didn't realize it at the time, I was reading the story of my life. And this dog had to live. And although the headline said the dog died, and everybody said the dog died, I believe the dog lived all the ways from Nebraska. And this happened all the ways in East Village in New York City.

Kevin Donaldson: 51:13

And the story of how you track this dog down is

Mike Failace: 51:17

Yes, I was gonna say toys that were like maybe your addiction kicked in again. You'd be you almost became addicted with rescuing star, the dog. Look,

Charlie Cifarelli: 51:24

here's the deal. I've always thought like a cop because I had to survive on the streets. So I'm always watching. I'm always looking. I mean, I was a professional guidance. If you're an addict, you don't want to be arrested, you want to go forward. So I used every bit of street smarts, I had everything I learned the Department of Corrections. And let's face it, guys that are in this line of work, either have cops as friends, or guys that are former inmates, friends. I mean, they just go hand in even though you don't understand how it happens. You have the reformed felons that are your friends, and you have people that work in the police. I mean, that's just what happens and you think smartly and you think treat wise,

Kevin Donaldson: 52:03

these worlds collide and I just see your life change. Because while you have looked after all these dogs and found companionship, this this dog was essentially again, this is my extrapolation of what I see out of there. This dog is the manifestation of Charlie's differently.

Charlie Cifarelli: 52:24

Yes, it came back and came back and came back guys do realize how big of a deal I mean, the police were even saying A day later the dog is dead. And even if it did live I've unfortunately watched the video but if the dog did live it wouldn't the dog the dog came back and live this incredible life. And basically I got a childhood. So I gotta tell you right after that dog came back to life and I wound up adopting her many many months later after a legal tug of war and red tape and everything that went on to get this dog because it dog lawyer it up when she was initially shot. I don't know how a dog lawyers out then a dog was put in a witness protection program with a new name and stuck down in Philadelphia. And all this crazy crazy stuff happened. But you know what? I was attached to this dog. And I was going to rescue this dog. Give it a home. Have a significant other that would back me 200%

Kevin Donaldson: 53:19

Oh, by the way, she's the she's the heroine of the story. Oh, without a doubt, Jen because all the bullshit that you put her. You'll find out in here. It's like Charlie, come to bed stop looking at for his dog. Yeah, Charlie, another dog. Come on.

Charlie Cifarelli: 53:33

I gotta say this. You know, there's Lassie and has written 1010. But star the New York peple, if the story of 2022 Because when you think about it, now the way life is, why wouldn't hero to story be a one I pypl that's missing part of its skull. I mean, it will make sense now how all this came together. But the dog because of her demeanor. No one ever asked me what kind of dog that is. I mean, when I did wonderful things what I took her to Alzheimer's. She's been to college classes with me to teach journalism. I would suggest anybody listening to this just Google star the dog on Wikipedia. Not only is there a documentary made about of the luckiest dog that ever lived came back to life. Not only did a music producer make a song about her storage journey, children's book has been written for her by Jen cartoon book,

Kevin Donaldson: 54:24

which has something like 70 million

Charlie Cifarelli: 54:27

listens to it. She's got like 70 million listens on this song that has gone global. Right? Yeah, well,

Kevin Donaldson: 54:33

unbelievable. The documentary I gotta be honest with you. Let's let's focus on this book because this book is going places. When you read this book, I see everything in my head. And that's the mark of a good book. It's a page turner. Right? You got to I've I've started reading books and haven't stopped. I've done that a few times where because it just doesn't grab me the way this book grabs you. There is no way in the world if Hollywood doesn't come knocking for this book. They're out of there. By if I had enough funding, I would make this book, I would make this movie.

Charlie Cifarelli: 55:04

I think the book, Kevin, what you're talking about, is I think that every person wants the underdog to win. And I think we all have a little underdog enough.

Kevin Donaldson: 55:16

That's why we want you were the underdog Charlie

Charlie Cifarelli: 55:18

IGE. Yeah, I think we all I mean, let's just think about this for a second. Oh, Cinderella, man. Or think about this, everybody. I'm not even a horse race guy. But who didn't jump up and down on rich strike won the Kentucky Derby, a horse with no chance 72 172 to one, a horse that didn't have much value. We all want the underdog to win. And also, I think that when a reader reads this, I don't care how successful you are in this life. I don't care if you came over to Mayflower. There has been Pottier life that have been unfair. And this book, talks about that. There are some really successful people that I've met, because of the dog because of these podcast.

Mike Failace: 56:01

You met governors and everything I've mentioned, Governor, President,

Charlie Cifarelli: 56:04

federal, federal judges, Supreme Court judge, you name it, I've met them. But more importantly, I've gotten people to have confidence in me and say, stuff to me that day they pay to we're not treated fairly. And when you know that, and we come together, you're like, wow, we've been suffering in silence.

Mike Failace: 56:26

Anybody in this life been treated fairly, their whole lives? You know, it's, it's all how you you, when you absorb that and repurpose it.

Kevin Donaldson: 56:35

When our audience reads this book, they're gonna realize that maybe they you know, as bad as you had it, you might not have had it that bad. Charlie's had a pretty rough. You know, it's,

Charlie Cifarelli: 56:44

it's funny, you should say this, because a buddy of mine, again, a cop, and another cop Reddit. So we were on like, a three way. And my buddy, that's a cop says to me, yeah, Charlie, we all had a tough time in our 60s and 70s. It's lucky we lived. And then the other cop said to him, you haven't read the book yet? Meaning that yeah, this is this is, you know, guys, like me generally don't bounce back, generally. And, and if they do, they are limited. Because remember, I know a lot of addicts. There was a lot of stuff that happened to me, that would have stopped me from progressing, and having success. Now, I had success in business. And there's been plenty addicts that say, Well, you know, I was an addict in the streets, still an addict, but then I turned around and got into business. But I had the awakening. I called the Jimmy Stewart awakening, and it's wonderful life, to realize that my happiness is not somebody else's happiness. See, comparison, is the thief of joy. Comparison is the thief of joy. So the problem I started noticing when I made money was I remember me and Jen, I wanted to buy one of those Mercedes am geez, I made some money. And when I got to the car dealership, the guy said, Well, why wouldn't you want a Bentley? It never ended. And it never ended. So that pursuit of happiness is really an uncomfortable one. And I see it's chased all over the place.

Kevin Donaldson: 58:19

Because people are looking for love in all the wrong places

Charlie Cifarelli: 58:21

looking for love in the wrong place looking

Mike Failace: 58:22

for love and a big wallet. Yeah, I mean, listen, I'm sure Money can make you happy. But it's, it's personal happiness, well, internal happiness, it's gonna really make you happy.

Charlie Cifarelli: 58:33

But here's what I've noticed. And I've done this. I've hired many homeless people over the course of my life. And when they get on their feet, they're very grateful. But human nature after a few weeks of not being homeless anymore, eating regular, being part of my business, they be complaining about something. It's nice

Kevin Donaldson: 58:51

to see somebody who has faith in humanity. It really, really is not your brother as your brother read this book yet.

Charlie Cifarelli: 58:58

He knows about the book as it was being built as it was being made. He's gotten different parts of it. Yes.

Kevin Donaldson: 59:03

And what? Somebody who is so intimately involved in that I know your brother somewhat younger than you, yes, nine years younger than me. But what were his thoughts? Was he afraid that you were going to put this out and destroy the family like, oh, no,

Charlie Cifarelli: 59:15

no, absolutely not. Matter of fact, he always saw me as someone that protected the family reputation where he basically just bought a company and said,

Mike Failace: 59:27

No, he said, he changed his last name, change his last name. Now,

Charlie Cifarelli: 59:31

the other thing that happened, which was really interesting, you never know who's watching you. So the book is on Amazon, and it gets bought. And I look at the reviews, the reviews. Well, my older cousin, who was very close to my father, she know knew him when she was growing up because, you know, she's 71 and that would have been closer to my father's age where he's probably you know, if he were alive today died in 18. He be 89. So I didn't know how she'd respond. So instead Calling me she made a review. And it felt good. She said, I read the book and everything. And as you know, it is what it is true. It's just unfortunate. It was an unfortunate situation.

Kevin Donaldson: 1:00:11

How do we get this book?

Charlie Cifarelli: 1:00:13

Simple 14th and second on Amazon. And you know if somebody wants one signed, and I would never say this, but people do ask that. I mean, they do ask they they want a personalized, you know, and what better gift to give somebody that's struggling, if you have a family member, somebody, given the gift of hope, given the gift to hope. So if they, the show notes will have it and will work out to him? I think it's I don't think I think it's a great place for people to start that I want to want to tackle some problems in our life and open their mind to the fact that they're not alone. And there was a solution.

Kevin Donaldson: 1:00:50

And, you know, this book's got legs, Charlie, this book has legs. I'm telling you now this, this book is going to go somewhere. How can our audience reach out to you?

Charlie Cifarelli: 1:01:01

Well, I'm on Instagram. I'm on LinkedIn, Charlie, so for all the show notes for that. Sure. I do respond to messages, you know, yes, you do. I do respond to

Mike Failace: 1:01:10

messages. Every time I comment on Charlie's always responded that

Charlie Cifarelli: 1:01:13

we owe that to people that take time for us. And

Kevin Donaldson: 1:01:17

so that you've had several posts up there where you posted something up, and I like it on Instagram. And you'll call me up and say, hey, you know that post you just liked? Yeah, I'm not kidding. You. This has happened. Yeah. You know, that post is just like, well, let me tell you the backstory. And it's cool, because I have my own little personal podcast with Charlie getting into all the cool backstory is that everything?

Charlie Cifarelli: 1:01:37

You know, you know, it's really nice. It, here's the gift that I got. So I went off to college president, then I was in my trash business. And I always wanted to come back to the east coast to be here with you guys tonight, New Jersey guys in New Jersey. And I gotta tell you something, this New York guy was never open to New Jersey, New Jersey may have it on New York, and I'll tell you why.

Kevin Donaldson: 1:02:00

I don't. I might, I might argue that point. But go ahead.

Charlie Cifarelli: 1:02:02

I'm gonna tell you why. I think that New Jersey people a little bit was saying, Man, I mean, I think there's more sameness out here than there is and at least the Long Island part that I grew up in was five boroughs.

Mike Failace: 1:02:13

In New Jersey, we can get a get away from the insanity. Yes, yeah. The insanity is only right across the river. No, we want we want a little sanity. We can stay here we want. Yeah.

Kevin Donaldson: 1:02:23

I I'm looking at Charlie's suffer rally right now. And I'm looking at the man who walked in our studio 910 months ago, like this. You were sitting there like this. Look at you now. Yeah, I can see it in your eyes the same way that guy did on the train probably saw that in your eyes. I see the life in your eyes. I'm so proud of you, Charlie, I'm going to always be your biggest fan and your biggest cheerleader when it comes to this stuff. You know,

Mike Failace: 1:02:46

as Kevin knows, I'm a big quote guy. And I saw a quote this week, and I really thought about you when I saw it. Said we have two lives. And the second one begins when we realized we only have one. Wow, that's powerful. I mean, I thought about you right away when I saw that you're pulling

Kevin Donaldson: 1:03:01

these things out of your

Mike Failace: 1:03:02

ass, Mike, that is go back, go back to the social media question. Where do I get these things from?

Charlie Cifarelli: 1:03:07

Mike, that's powerful. And you know, here's the thing, what would what a podcast we're reaching a lot of people. And you know what, there's somebody's gonna listen to this, that's gonna identify, I think that we could save a life because

Kevin Donaldson: 1:03:19

suffering podcast is reaching 10s of 10s of people.

Mike Failace: 1:03:23

Family members,

Kevin Donaldson: 1:03:25

Charlie, we're coming to the end of this thing here. And as you did on your first episode, I'm going to ask this question and pose this question to you. You've written this wonderful book, 14th. And second, and you've gone through this whole entire life, which is hard to believe that it's true, but I know that it is because I've heard the provenance in it. What do you think it's taught you?

Charlie Cifarelli: 1:03:46

It's taught me that suffering is not the end all, that there is a life after suffering. But what we don't know is when we're suffering, we think that that's never going to come to an end. And we don't realize that when we get outside of that tunnel, we get back into the light. We're not alone, man. You guys talk about this. There are so many people that are suffering alongside us, but they're doing what I did and not talking they're not opening their mouth. I think that the future of suffering will be different. I think people won't have the muzzle without saying anything. I think the future people are gonna get a lot more open with this.

Kevin Donaldson: 1:04:24

That's we're repurposing the word suffering.

Mike Failace: 1:04:26

Another quote I got this week too, which I thought about which is perfect for this podcast. If you focus on hurt, you'll continue to suffer. If you focus on a lesson, you'll continue to grow.

Charlie Cifarelli: 1:04:37

Perfect.

Kevin Donaldson: 1:04:38

Charlie, thank you so much for coming here again. And this you're gonna be one of our evergreen guests. It's just whenever you want to come in

Mike Failace: 1:04:46

Listen, there's an open door policy for you and I love it. You know that always. It was just a chance meeting where we got to meet Charlie and it was be one of the Gaitan while you one of the greatest people I've ever met.

Charlie Cifarelli: 1:04:56

I you know what, guys? I appreciate that. And I tell you there's no coincidence is, and the fact that this is happening. It's been, it's been so good for me. And it's because it's been good for me. That means I'm gonna continue to pour my cup into others.

Kevin Donaldson: 1:05:11

I don't believe in coincidences. And we spoke about that with Pastor Ron Lewis last week. So the book is 14th. And second, you'll be able to find it on Amazon. It's a wonderful book, it'll leave a review on Amazon, reach out to the suffering podcast, reach out to Charlie. And that's going to do it for this episode of the suffering podcast is suffering a 14th. And second, thank you so much, Charlie, for coming in.

Mike Failace: 1:05:34

Charlie. Always a pleasure. You know, you're always welcome here. Thank you. We'll kick him out. We'll bring you in Kevin's coast.

Kevin Donaldson: 1:05:41

But let's think about all the stuff that we learned today.

Mike Failace: 1:05:42

Before you get into things you learned. Something I learned today? You said you had a degree a degree in literature. Yes. I didn't know Marvel Comics give out degrees of literature.

Kevin Donaldson: 1:05:54

Thank you, Mike. Thank you very much for your vote of confidence. Well, let's think about all the stuff that I've learned today. Number one, life is transactional. Anonymity can make you suffer. Comparison is the thief of joy. abuse causes resistance to success, say random acts random acts of kindness have a great impact. But most importantly live every day. Like it's your last beautiful and that's gonna do it for this episode of the suffering podcast is suffering the 14th and second, find us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Follow mike on Instagram at Mike underscore Falaise. Follow me at real Kevin Donaldson and of course, follow the suffering podcast and we will see you on the next episode of the suffering podcast.