Episode 88: The Suffering of A Therapist

Kevin Donaldson: 0:00

Sit your ass down down. Sit your ass down. Let's talk about soccer. It's time to stop and sit down sit your ass down. Strap it this is gone let's talk about suffering suffering. It's time to start the pain, the pain. This is gone. It's time for the suffering podcast. When our life appears chaotic, do we call a plumber. When mental burdens weigh on our shoulders like a barbell at the gym, is the Social Media Manager required when we're broken? Is an auto mechanic the first person to call. There are Specialty Tests where we find no hesitancy in calling the professional so that the job can be done correctly. However, when it comes to mental health, often we feel that we can repair ourselves. The stigma attached to mental health redemption can steer some clear for reaching out at the most critical of times. We live in a world where it is an impossibility to be a jack of all trades. The professionals are there to guide us to a solution to make us more mentally strong by giving us coping skills and tools. They are the unsung heroes that make a difficult life a little easier. I'm Kevin Donaldson here with Mike Felice and on this episode of the suffering podcast we sit down with Teresa Agustin le to discuss the suffering of a therapist.

Mike Failace: 1:57

Oh my god that took a long time to get through didn't know you stop.

Kevin Donaldson: 2:01

Teresa, I know you're a therapist, I want you to meet Dr. Asshole. Teresa has guided many people into living their best lives. Before we get started with anything I want to throw a big shout out to our main sponsor. That's Toyota of Hackensack. We buy our cars from Toyota Hackensack, and we don't trust many people. So go to Toyota hackensack.com, and let them find you a car. Teresa, thank you so much for coming in today. I really do appreciate it. We every week, we like to take a question from an audience member. And it's a good way to engage our audience members. But sometimes they see an angle that we don't see. So this week's social media question comes from Siam. And it says, Why is it so hard to just be happy? Or be content with your life? To tough question? Yeah, so tough question. What do you think?

Theresa Agostino: 2:47

Well, it's a question I do get a lot, why can't I just be happy. And it's so funny, because in my own personal life, there was a time where I just couldn't be happy, I just could not get past the past, the grief, the suffering, what's there to be happy about? What I've learned is that there are people who are just not going to be happy, because they choose not to happiness is a choice, I have a lot of people that and I will tell you the top three things people tell me it's in my book, I'll be happy when I have the right mate, or a different meet, I'll be happy when I have X amount of dollars in the bank, we

Kevin Donaldson: 3:23

happy when I get a podcast partner that can speak Okay,

Mike Failace: 3:27

that is one of the things I talk about all the time, you know.

Theresa Agostino: 3:31

And then the third one is these are the top three when I get X amount of money when I have x partner. And when I have x lost X amount of weight have X health. What I tell people is you're not supposed to wait for those things to get happy. In other words, you have to get happy to get happy, and happiness breeds happiness.

Kevin Donaldson: 3:52

Well, one of the things I think you're touching on is the difference between happiness and joy. Alright, so happiness is very temporary joy is everlasting. And happiness is for I'll give you a for instance, like you make sit down to a really good meal. And that meal is delicious. And you may be really happy at that time. But an hour later, that happiness is faded. Happiness is fleeting, and you're sitting on a bowl when that meal is coming right out. Thank you for being so disgusting. Mike, what do you think we get this question. I know people in our lives have asked us this question.

Mike Failace: 4:27

Absolutely. You know, I think a lot of people want to live other people's happiness. If you know what I'm saying, you know, you see like a professional football player to say, Oh, I wish I was him.

Kevin Donaldson: 4:37

Social media. Yeah, social media is perfect. Is that the I don't know if any,

Mike Failace: 4:42

I can't say if anybody but I don't know a lot of people have a lot of inner happiness. You know, people are totally happy with their own lives. They always want something better for themselves and always striving for something better. And when a better never comes people just aren't happy with themselves.

Kevin Donaldson: 4:56

Because it part of it. They're looking for an identity in whatever they're Seeking, you know, a mate, the proper mate is not going to make you joyful. It's not even going to make you happy. It might make you happy in the short term.

Mike Failace: 5:11

But for you very short term.

Kevin Donaldson: 5:14

It might make you happy, but it's not. It's not who you are because people become invested in the desire. We see this with social media. This one, I was just getting to see people live. This is beautiful Facebook life. And if you looked at them, they're they're living on boats, and they're drinking margaritas, and they're eating a perfect meal. But if you looked at their life, it's really probably jacked up. It's called Facebook.

Mike Failace: 5:37

And that's when you have filters on all these social media outlets. I think you should use them. I mean, you know, how many times have we seen people like, with their shirts open and have like, ripped up abs and everything? And then you see them in real life. And potbelly.

Theresa Agostino: 5:54

Yeah, it's not what you it's, it really is. Yeah, it's, it's perception. And I do want to touch on the fact that that happiness and joy, they can be similar. They, they do go hand in hand. And if you're expecting something, someone externally to make you happy, that's never going to happen. Because you have to be happy first with your spouse,

Mike Failace: 6:16

if you don't have internal happiness. If you rely on someone else to make you happy, then you don't have that. That like is it internal happiness within yourself anyway.

Theresa Agostino: 6:25

And then when you you know, happiness is an inside job. Joy is an inside job. And when you reach that place where you know what I don't need external.

Kevin Donaldson: 6:34

Oops, that's okay. X was the catalyst. It's the caffeine, caffeine,

Theresa Agostino: 6:39

the external if you're waiting for the external to help you with the internal, then you're you're never going to reach that, that place where you feel like you've achieved total happiness or total joy. So it's never external. Its internal, somebody who

Kevin Donaldson: 6:53

doesn't. For me anyway, for somebody who doesn't understand your sorrow, or what you're going through at that particular season of your life. They come at you and it's almost offensive. Because they come at you Hey, listen, you kind of beautiful house and you got a beaut, you got beautiful kids and, and you got a good job. And I didn't dog Why aren't you happy? Why aren't you happy? Because then, you know, you're seeking something. And they're, they're, they're parts of your lives. For me. I talk about primary identity. I've said it numerous times on here. So I've heard you say so primary identity is is really something that is unshakable, and everything else is falling underneath it without that primary identity. You're never going to be happy.

Mike Failace: 7:38

You said prairie fire on here a lot, too. I don't know if whoever hashtag

Theresa Agostino: 7:41

prairie. I've heard you say that. Hashtag prayer.

Kevin Donaldson: 7:44

Yeah, just Well, that is that is important. But

Mike Failace: 7:47

you know, getting back to what you said, you know, people say, Oh, you have this beautiful house, you have these beautiful kids. They're not realizing the bills that come along that either that's always in the back of your mind. Like, how am I going to pay for this beautiful house? How am I going to pay for it? You know, kid wants a bicycle.

Kevin Donaldson: 8:01

It's no different than looking at somebody's life on Facebook. We're not out there. So Simon, thank you so much for sending that in. Try to send your questions in and we will get them on the question. That was it was a really it was a very deep deep quiet we got

Mike Failace: 8:13

some we can we get to talk an hour.

Kevin Donaldson: 8:17

We got it we got to do we got a very deep audience are about as deep as a wading pool. I'm just kidding. Everybody. You know, I love you. So Professor T. That's how I know you. All right. Look, tell tell our audience a little bit about yourself.

Theresa Agostino: 8:33

Well, so for right now, let's start at the current. I am a licensed clinical psychotherapist, I've had a private practice for almost 20 years. I'm also a licensed and certified trauma trained clinician, I'm with the county, the state and I am one of four clinicians in our county who have the distinct pleasure of being on call when someone in law

Kevin Donaldson: 9:00

enforcement that's a distinct pleasure being

Theresa Agostino: 9:02

it is when you have first responders, law enforcement that we deal with, through traumatic incidents. Yeah, so I'll get a call. Hey, you know, can you talk to this to this girl to this guy. So that's our CISM. I am trained in CISM critical incident stress management. I'm also a certified coach through the John Maxwell certification. And John Maxwell is John Maxwell team. I'm a member he is one of the top in the on the globe for leadership development and leadership training. And so with that said, I'm able to bring the coaching aspect as well as the mental health and therapy to help people get to the next level. And I also happen to teach at a local university in my area in the Philadelphia area, which allows me to bring the educational aspect so

Kevin Donaldson: 9:52

you're the counterpart of our very good friend Dr. Eugene Stefanelli. Who does everything that you just said, but in New Jersey, okay, buddy. You know, he goes out on the CISM teams. He, he counsel specifically, I think specifically police, a police officer. I mean, he was our doctor, he's responsible for saving my life. And I know he did some great things from my life also. So you're, you're it's good that there's people out there in every different state. Yep. To take care of these people. Because, you know, the first responders take care of everybody else, but who's going to take care of them? Yeah. But how did you find this? Was Was therapy like a calling for you? Or did you just where you go to give an advice? How did how did you find this job

Mike Failace: 10:35

where you're just opinionated?

Kevin Donaldson: 10:39

I want to I want to I want to point something out. It seems like every one of these go to therapists in every state has a valid the end of their name.

Mike Failace: 10:48

It is it's an Italian business. It is yeah, it's an it's

Theresa Agostino: 10:51

we know people

Mike Failace: 10:52

you gotta, you gotta gotta got

Kevin Donaldson: 10:55

you got out of brick laying and went into therapy.

Theresa Agostino: 10:57

That's it, something like that.

Mike Failace: 10:59

Your data with your dad was amazing, right?

Theresa Agostino: 11:02

No, he was not. But you know, is it a calling? There's so many layers to that. But let me just tell you quickly, I did not aspire to be a speaker or a coach. None of that. I I was born in a socio economically stable family. Philadelphia area was the youngest of four very traumatic, dramatic, lots of dysfunction. Were part of Philly, South Philadelphia. So I filled

Kevin Donaldson: 11:30

up all the rest of that, like all the rest of the you know, you probably hung around with Vince but Polly and all those people down there, right? So

Theresa Agostino: 11:38

what we know some people Yeah, I was born in Taiwan. Yeah, we know people. I was born in St. Agnes hospital. And, you know, I never aspired to be a teacher or a coach, or a therapist. But I found as a growing up because of the trauma and the drama in our household. All of us have had trauma and drama. I've heard your story, you know, all of us have experienced trauma, and drama and dysfunction, we you wouldn't be here if you didn't. So, so we all can, and the whole world is traumatized right now. But what I was going to say about that is I learned to cope with the dysfunction by by learning to self soothe. And what I did was my little stuffed animals, my dolls. I'd go down the basement, and I would pretend I was their teacher. And that's that was my, that was my getaway. And that was my way of making sense. And I grew up a very anxious child. Very, very anxious. worrywart, chronically anxious shell of a person. So I did not aspire to be a speaker. What happened was, you know, I got married young, I got pregnant, I got married young, I was 19. And my husband died. Suddenly, I was 26. He died of a blood clot to the lung. And overnight, I was a widow. So we'll know what. And I had a little boy who was six. And now what I had no job.

Kevin Donaldson: 13:05

This is your little boy, David. Yeah. David, who I've spoken with he's Yeah, he's wonderful guy. Yeah,

Theresa Agostino: 13:09

you'll you'll, you'll enjoy he, you'll enjoy having him. So So I realized that I have no job. I have no skills. I have high school education. And I have no friends and no support. I lived in the Pocono Mountains at the time, when there was tumbleweeds blowing by. So I realized that I had a couple of choices. I was going to curl up and die, or I was going to, to fight this feeling. Now, with that said, lots of times I did curl up and told the Lord, if you don't take me out, then I will. I was not able to handle the grief. And we've all been down that road. Yeah, we can talk about that, too. It's self pity thing where you just sit there and say, you know,

Mike Failace: 13:52

I'm done with it. Yeah, I'm done. You know, like you said after after my answer, and I went to bed almost every night saying, If I don't wake up tomorrow morning probably wouldn't be a bad thing. Because you just don't want to deal with it anymore.

Kevin Donaldson: 14:04

I would agree with you.

Theresa Agostino: 14:05

Yeah. And I hear that a lot. I'm still hearing that a lot. But what I did was this, I realized that I had I spoke at my husband's funeral I wanted to, I felt like I wanted to honor his memory. And I wanted my son to see that I was a strong person, and that his dad was loved. And I did I spoke at the funeral. And it ignited something in me, because I saw that I connected with the audience. I connected with the people there. And I was able to lay my suffering out but in the suffering I was able to talk and to share. And I realized then that I had a connection with the audience, but I was not ready to be a speaker or coach or a teacher I had to invest in myself. So when you first

Mike Failace: 14:49

talk Did you feel like a sense of release? Yes. You know, just like getting it off your chest. Yeah,

Kevin Donaldson: 14:55

we were very familiar with that feeling. No, go out and tell our stories. It's tough at times because it rehashes some bad feelings. But ultimately, at the end of the day, it's therapy. That's this whole podcast is therapy for us. Yeah, we let our darkness out. We just did it on Instagram live before you were in here. We let our darkness out. Awesome. And it because otherwise, what's what's the other choice? We bottle it up

Theresa Agostino: 15:22

normally, like you said curl up in a ball. Yeah, yeah. And it is a choice. There are choices. Sadly, some people don't. Don't choose the right choice. You know, we can get into that as well. I mean, the drama and the dysfunction, I'm sure you've also heard your story. I think we've all been there. But we're here. And and we're helping others. And fast forward to today. That's why I'm doing what I'm doing. Because I want to help others. And I want I want people to to elevate. I want people to elevate and if I can help with that, I'm going to do that is what I do every day.

Kevin Donaldson: 15:59

Well, that's what we always want to do. We want to elevate. That's what we all should be aspiring to do is to elevate each other instead of constantly putting them down and trying to stand on their head to elevate ourselves.

Mike Failace: 16:10

But you know, and that goes back to the social media questions. Who are we elevating other people? And we're not elevating ourselves? You know?

Kevin Donaldson: 16:18

That's a good point. That's a good point. Because at what point does that desire to elevate others? When do you need to elevate yourself a little bit to bring your own self esteem up? Because listening to things that you listen to inside of therapy? It damages your soul a little bit?

Mike Failace: 16:40

Yeah. So I mean, how many times we talked about a first responders are set out to help other people. But they really don't help themselves. Right. They're the worst that helped. They're worse than helping themselves.

Theresa Agostino: 16:50

Because they're there, they're trained to be strong, okay. They're not trained to, to have mental health expertise, right, they are trained to eliminate the threat, they are trained to help people. And I find that they don't help themselves because they love what they do. Well, physically,

Kevin Donaldson: 17:07

they don't take care of themselves. One of our sponsors is X body, right? So X body focuses on and they do a lot of work with first responders, they focus on total body health, because without a healthy body, you're never going to have a healthy mind. You look at first responders, and they got severe gut issues they got they're just they're overweight, they they're lacking in vitamins, and they live, they worked at shift work. And so if you want to check out how to get true body health, go to X body us.com. And they're right here and wait and schedule an appointment with them. But you know, that's an important thing for us to that mind body connection. And first responders again, they're they're good at taking care of everybody else. And I always see this, as far as the first responder field who's the worst at it is usually the medics. They are the worst. I mean, very few of them are what you would call a picture of health. And I'm not, I'm not knocking them, because I love what they do. They're they're there when we need them. But they need to focus because you can't take care of anybody else until you take care of yourself. And that's kind of where I was going before you take care of other people. At what point do you need to elevate yourself more so than other people just to bring yourself back up to some sort of homeostasis?

Theresa Agostino: 18:19

Well, first of all, what I had to do for me was go go through a series of, of self examination. You know, that's what the book is all about. And we're

Kevin Donaldson: 18:30

talking about the grid system. Yes, the grid system. Alright, so we're gonna be talking about this in just just a couple minutes.

Theresa Agostino: 18:35

It's a two step process that helps you, it helps you identify where you're stuck and why and help you audit those thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors, and the steps necessary to change those and change them forever. And they do and it works. And I was my own first customer. So I can tell you that it works. But here's what I found. You've got to invest in yourself before you can invest in others. So

Kevin Donaldson: 19:03

what you're telling me is you are the doctor Pastore of therapists, by Dr. Pastore when he developed the rabies vaccine, injected himself with rabies. Hey, listen, it's they work? Yes, fail or die.

Theresa Agostino: 19:15

Well, I wanted to know what what was keeping me from getting to the next level, in my relationships in my finances. In my career, I was doing the same thing that 1000s of other people were doing and I couldn't understand what in the world am I doing wrong? Why am I beating my head against this wall? It was my mindset. It was growing up from trauma and drama. It was all of the things I had experienced as a little girl, all the way up to a woman, a mother, a wife. And I found that it was my mindset. And I found that the reason I couldn't get past the past was because of my mindset, those subconscious thoughts, beliefs, that are in your subconscious that become your behaviors. And that's why I I really believe in investing in my South, investing in yourself before you can invest in others,

Mike Failace: 20:03

and you really can't live in the past in order to get into the future. You cannot, you can take what happened in your past. And if you keep reliving it, you're never going to take that next step forward. So,

Kevin Donaldson: 20:15

you've mentioned your past a couple of times, if you can pick out something in your past that you think really affected you forever as an into adulthood, is there something specific that you

Mike Failace: 20:26

walk in and door half hour ago, and so you knew?

Theresa Agostino: 20:31

I would say it was multiple traumatic experiences. My father was a very domineering father, he was the proverbial Italian. When you crossed them, it didn't go well. If he felt that you were disrespecting him, it didn't go well. If he felt that he was being lied to all of those things, and I remember so many nights just in it's in my book, going to bad hearing my brothers being the ice, you know, my father was was he was abusive, to my mother or to my brothers. Not too much, my sister and I, and

Kevin Donaldson: 21:15

because you don't hit a woman, that's that. I'm guessing, but that now.

Theresa Agostino: 21:20

Now, I think, you know, my sister and I just had had a soft spot in my dad's heart. But I was traumatized by by the things that I had seen and heard in those very early years. And so I do believe that things you suffer from even in the in the womb, in utero, you hear what's going on? You're the person carrying you, what are they eating? What are they drinking? What are they ingesting? Right for smoking back in a day? What are they smoking? What are they listening to? And I do believe that children are, they get that mental and physical and emotional nutrition by that person caring.

Kevin Donaldson: 22:07

But that's part of the that's part of the especially my own personal story. And it really scared me because I was I was such a monster, I was always afraid it was going to affect my children. And they really pushed me a little bit harder to seek some real true help. So I get that I get that a lot because nobody, no rational parent wants to affect their children long term. And there's that fine line between trying to make them

Mike Failace: 22:35

negative. Negatively. Yeah, and I'm the one who can't talk.

Kevin Donaldson: 22:40

But there's that fine line between disciplining a child properly, and trying to raise good adults and really coming down on them. And I can't say I'm successful all the time. I tried to be, but there's no there's no rulebook on that there's

Mike Failace: 22:56

some of the best lessons I learned was because of a hard slap on the wrist and growing up, you know, you do something wrong and get that smack. And yes, this is a way of discipline, and then there's way of abusing also Correct, correct?

Theresa Agostino: 23:07

Well, we could we could do better as a society, the way you know, the way we train our children. You know, I, I do see a lack in discipline and a lack in matters and a lack in quality parenting. But I would say that, how you are. And I did research on this, and that's why I'm so passionate about it, because by the time you're two or three or four years old, research has proven that you've downloaded enough in your mental DNA, I call it that subconscious. you've downloaded enough to take you well into your adult years, and so many times and think about it your own parents and caregivers, they they act it out of what they know, because of their parents and caregivers. So it's cyclical. And it's generational. And until we stop the generational dysfunction, it's never going to change.

Kevin Donaldson: 24:00

See, I I I've never touched my kids. I've never laid a hand on them. Because I was I had that done to me and it didn't work. It actually worked the opposite. I became a little asshole, because I was hit I'm like, Well, if you're gonna hit me, I'm just gonna be bigger, right? I'm gonna deserve it, I'm gonna deserve it. If I if you're going to find me guilty of something, I'm really going to do it. But in that same breath, I am able to look at my children and have them bring it down. I'm able to just give them a look. And, you know, it's I'm able to give another guy a look like cut to shape or I'm gonna cut your thumbs off that look. And usually that comes the situation down usually, sometimes it escalates the situation, but I don't think hitting like I'm a big believer. I don't think hitting children is the right thing to do. I just don't, I just don't. There has to be some sort of threat. They have to have something over their head. But would you agree with that? Is that Is that a fair assessment.

Theresa Agostino: 25:01

You know, I'm not a parenting expert. And, you know, I don't try to tell parents how to parent their children because all children are different. Some children respond better to a timeout, some children respond better to just a little bit of a talking to some children respond better to flick of the wrist and you know, otherwise, you're gonna put your finger in the socket, you know, are you running with a fork? There, there has to be a level of discipline, age appropriate, and child personality appropriate,

Mike Failace: 25:33

because every kid's different. Every person is different. Do what works for you might not work for you.

Kevin Donaldson: 25:38

The first thing I did when I did that in my parents house is I ran around my apartment.

Mike Failace: 25:43

You steal people all the time, raise your own kids. Yeah, you raise your kids. I'll raise my kids away. I raise them. You raise your kids while you raise them?

Theresa Agostino: 25:50

Yeah. I think you're right. Because I mean, I have two brothers, a sister and myself, all four of us were completely different. And it's because we're all wired differently. What are we experiencing in utero? What are we experiencing? When we're two or three or four years old? Right? Parents change over the years? And how are you channeling that? How are you channeling that? That's a great point.

Mike Failace: 26:12

What I found come up with them once in a while.

Theresa Agostino: 26:14

Go on, we should we should kick piggyback on that. I prefer

Kevin Donaldson: 26:17

to challenge my children to keep them occupied. Because for me, I was very bored. They in, in kindergarten, they wanted to keep me back. And because I was so bored just sitting there, and I coloring or whatever might steal colors. But I just didn't want I had no therapy. Exactly. I had no interest in coloring. I had no interest in kindergarten things. I had interest in math and English and history. Those were my interests. And once I found my interests, I was able to stay much more focused and disciplined. So with my children, and I'm not telling anybody, this is the way to do I'm telling you what work for my children is to keep them occupied to keep them focused. Because I think idle mind really is a bad thing for children

Mike Failace: 27:00

idle mind is the devil's playground. Correct? That's true.

Kevin Donaldson: 27:03

When you got into therapy, was it when you were this young, idealistic therapist, you're gonna go out there and make a difference and change the world? We've all done that in every profession in the country. Was it what you thought it was?

Theresa Agostino: 27:19

Yeah. So my background is social work, because I wanted to change the world. I wanted to be, you know, a voice for the voiceless and advocate for the underdog. And I wanted to be out there making sure everybody had food in their bellies and a roof over their head and clothes on their back and education and, and that is not when

Kevin Donaldson: 27:39

I have a great social reality smacked

Theresa Agostino: 27:42

you right in the face? Yeah, yeah. My wife had a friend who is why went into private practice.

Kevin Donaldson: 27:47

My wife had a friend who is same mindset, gonna go out there and change the world social workers for this. And one day where she she was over the house, and we're all sitting around talking. And she's, and I'm talking about I was a police officer at the time. And we're talking about end to life, end of life quality. You know, I and I made the statement there is I don't care who you are, I don't care how much money you have. I don't care how famous you are. At the end of your life, you have no dignity. Very few times, very few times. Do we die like John Wayne, in the old westerns, with famous last words? It doesn't happen like that. Usually, you shake your pants. Usually everybody's walking in, you're surrounded by people naked. And you're really at your worst.

Mike Failace: 28:30

How many deal ways have you gone on? And not one person had a smile on their face?

Kevin Donaldson: 28:36

So this woman who really had no real world experience, was trying to tell me no, it's not like that. We can give them dignity at the end of their life. We can give them dignity. I said, you can try. You can try. But when you're at your last moments, and you're just getting off the toilet, there's no dignity and that couple years after that, when she was out in the field, she came back to me and said, You know what, you're right. You are right. And I said, I know I've seen it. I've seen it. You know, you go to one call and some. Somebody's grandmother is standing there with no shirt on. And you go to next con somebody's grandfather standing there with no pants on.

Mike Failace: 29:13

Yeah, you heard those stories from my son. I've seen I've seen far too many less breaths. And yes, there was pain, no dignity in any

Kevin Donaldson: 29:22

of them. Pain, crying, fear. You know, all of those things that how did you deal with that as a new therapist?

Theresa Agostino: 29:30

I was very emotionally challenged. And I'm a pretty strong girl. I'm a I'm a strong woman. I've been through a lot. I like to call myself somebody who is grace with grit. But there were certain clients or families that I had, you know that I was responsible for that really kind of tugged at my heart. So how I handled it was I would turn it inward as I did everything as a little child, and I would learn how able to cope with it and process it. And I'm, I'm the kind of person that needs to be alone to process I need to be walking out nature. Some people like to go sit at the bar and laugh with friends or go to a party or go visit friends or phone a friend. I'm not like that I need I need to be by myself.

Kevin Donaldson: 30:17

But that's a form of investigation alone being just to anesthetize the feelings that you're going through at that particular time not being alone. But going to the bar. Yeah. Yeah, that's, that's, that's like you're pushing. You're pushing that stuff back. Yeah. And trying to change the mood.

Mike Failace: 30:37

Eventually, temporary relief,

Kevin Donaldson: 30:39

eventually, you got to deal with things head on. Correct. But

Theresa Agostino: 30:41

But But what I was going to say was I verifier

Kevin Donaldson: 30:46

very far. I like that hashtag very far. Episode, and I've hashtag that just so you know, all right. I will not

Theresa Agostino: 30:51

hashtag your hashtag. Oh, you can you can share. Okay, thank you. So

Mike Failace: 30:55

just getting back to that. I mean, Episode Nine, if

Kevin Donaldson: 30:59

that's his episode,

Theresa Agostino: 31:00

just episode nine. Um, let me clarify what I was saying. I learned I mean, that's why I continually up leveled in my education. Because people ask me that all the time. I'm, I'm trained. Now. You put me in a domestic violence situation, I have no idea. I don't know what to do. And I'm not trained in that. But I'm trained with mental health. I'm trained with suffering, I'm trained with grief, I'm trained with trauma. So as you grow, as you go, you learn how to handle those situations. And as you age, right, you learn as you go. So it has a lot to do with your education and investing in yourself, you learn how to get through all of those things. And, yeah, there were nights I went home and just cried my eyeballs out knowing that that child is going back into that home or that woman is going back to that marriage, or that man is going back to that job. Those are things that that never leave your memory, being with someone when they are facing the death of a child or a parent or a spouse. Yes, that is rough. And I found that there are certain things that I took home with, but that's part of life. That's part of human nature. We're human, we hurt when people hurt. That's, that's why we do what we do. You're doing what you do. You do what you do, I do what I do, because we genuinely care. Now, if it's affecting your health, if it's affecting your your family, then it's then it's time maybe to think about getting professional help. As a professional, correct. Or taking a break.

Mike Failace: 32:46

Just touching, just touching on what you said before when you see someone when they when they know what the outcome is going to be. I ran into that last week. Oh yeah, found out a friend of mine I've known for years has pretty much inoperable cancer. So I went to see him the other day and he said, I'm just playing the waiting game.

Kevin Donaldson: 33:09

So how did you deal with Did you?

Mike Failace: 33:11

I just want to say, Phil, we're all pulling pregnant.

Kevin Donaldson: 33:15

Did you run to the bar? No,

Mike Failace: 33:17

no, I what I did is I went out in the hallway and hugged a friend and I went there with him. We both cried

Kevin Donaldson: 33:22

should have went to the grand saloon. Holy should have taken you out to the grand school. It's one of our sponsors. 940 Vanhanen Okay, grants alone, I'm not saying run to the bar and run away for your problems. So at least they're

Mike Failace: 33:33

you're getting a run away for some food, you get some

Kevin Donaldson: 33:35

you get some friendly,

Theresa Agostino: 33:36

I was gonna say maybe you know another time to come come up here and do another show.

Mike Failace: 33:42

Meet early and we'll go out to dinner

Kevin Donaldson: 33:45

late and then next time, we'll bring Charlie because Charlie and Charlie and Professor t know each other. So it's it's an odd thing. Because when the idealism of what you thought it was, it's really a dream killer. I found this when I when I first got out of college, I wanted to be a teacher. And I was very, I was a very idealistic teacher, I was gonna go out there and kind of sculpt these young minds. And then when I got into it, and I realized what the other teachers were like, like you son of a bitches, I hate this job. I hated it. And I woke up one morning, and this is something this is this is something that I just had a conversation with somebody today, I hated that job so much, I woke up and I said, I can't do this anymore. And I went in. And I put in my I put in my note to say at the end of the year, I will no longer be teaching. So when we get into these bad spots and this this idealism of your professions start to leave us. At what point do you think it's every again it's that goes back to the social media question. You can just walk away from these jobs. You can just walk away from these tabs. It's the easiest solution if if your therapy is hurting your soul or police work is hurting our soul. Why can't you just quit and find something that's a true love? Because what's the sense of being unhappy? But you found a different direction? You You do a lot of focus on military and first responders. How did you how did you reach there? Were just so messed up that you'll have an everlasting

Mike Failace: 35:14

an influx of work coming our way. So she's a mortician,

Kevin Donaldson: 35:17

you will never run out of clients. Yeah. So how did you find that? That path?

Theresa Agostino: 35:22

Thank you for that question. And that is like, you know, that is my passion. So I got a job. My one of my very first jobs was a drug and alcohol therapist and a local hospital in our area. And

Kevin Donaldson: 35:36

we were having the first responder.

Theresa Agostino: 35:38

No actually did not run into first responders. And so there was one of my mentors there who was showing me the ropes and helping me preparing to get my clinical licensure. We're still friends today. He said that I'm starting this chaplains organization. It's a nonprofit organization, we're going to specifically help first responders, law enforcement, I would like for you to become part of this team. For the mental health aspect, I think you would be good at it. And so I became a member. My son happened to be he was working for State Farm at the time, but over a series of events. My son's name is not Jake.

Kevin Donaldson: 36:22

I was gonna say your other son, Jake.

Theresa Agostino: 36:26

That's funny. My son ended up working for the for the Sheriff's Department and our county. And then I just started meeting different people. And I joined this organization. And it's been over eight years, I've been a part of this organization. But that's how I got involved. I started seeing the other side of things, how the law enforcement, the first responders suffer, what they're going through, and my heart just broke, because we started reaching out to them. We work with all 64 police departments in our area, as well as the 911 Center, emergency services, first responders fire EMTs, and I just saw how they were suffering. And they had nobody to talk to. Because here's what I want to say, this is the crux of why I'm passionate about law enforcement. Because they don't want to tell anybody they're suffering. Then they're afraid it's gonna go on their record, then they're afraid they're gonna be put into a psych unit, then they're afraid they're gonna lose the job, then they're afraid they're gonna take medication, then they're afraid he's gonna think that they're weak.

Kevin Donaldson: 37:29

Damn, I got every one of these. Exactly. I got every one of

Mike Failace: 37:32

them. That's That's our big problem with mental health issues these days in, specifically law enforcement, first responders in general. They're afraid to talk to someone, because now they're going to be pigeonholed, stigmatized, they're going to be that guy with the problem. Yeah, they're afraid to one of the most emasculating things is they come and take your gun away from it. It can be the most emasculating thing to welcome. Yeah, you know, and nobody wants to go get the help they need, because they're afraid of like guns have been stigmatized.

Kevin Donaldson: 38:00

And that's why that's why I talk about dropping the DEA and the PTSD. And I know the DEA is there for for billing purposes and treatment purposes and diagnosis purposes. However, when you put that day on the end of PT of post traumatic stress, you stigmatize it. And, as we just talked about, people are going to be very hesitant to go seek help. And we want we want to try to get rid of that hesitancy. We've said this before on this podcast, if we break our arm, we don't have calcium bone deficiency disorder, we have a broken arm, we have an injury, once we start seeing post traumatic stress as more of an injury and not as a disorder that can be cured. Just like a broken arm can heal. Mental health can be cured. And I think that's something that's so important. For what it's vital, right? Once you're stuck in that, that mental bubble, you can get out of it. And you can go back to work, you're not going to lose your career. I think it's changing. I know when Mike and I were on it wasn't that that was that was a real worry that we had.

Theresa Agostino: 39:06

Okay. I don't like to use the word cured. Because to me that connotates a sickness or disease. I don't use the word disorder cured. Thank you. So

Kevin Donaldson: 39:18

we got to erase now we got to get rid of cured I'm gonna I'm gonna be stuck with like the and podcasts

Theresa Agostino: 39:23

because they're also using the word post traumatic stress syndrome. Okay, do you have a syndrome?

Mike Failace: 39:29

I said, change the DEA and PTSD to damage, post traumatic stress damage, okay, but

Theresa Agostino: 39:36

why do we need to call anything anything? Because everything needs a label these days because everything needs a label these days because we want to be able in our minds, we want to be able to put it in a box with a bow on it and have closure and make it make sense or use it as a crutch. And, and listen, I worked in corporate I saw insurance companies make billions of dollars I saw hospitals make millions of dollars. Now this is where lots of therapists and doctors and colleagues part ways with me. Sometimes they just want you to stay sick, stay unhealthy, Okay, stay mentally challenged, whatever words you want to use mentally, okay? So that's why we put a label on it, because and this is another reason why I stopped taking insurance. Because I don't want the art, I'm not going to go down this road because that's not this this podcast. But what I found was I, you know, I, I have I have to build for something people, people would, you know, I want to use my insurance so that I don't have to pay you or I only have to pay you $5? Well, I have to diagnose you with something. Well, I don't want you to diagnose me with something. Well, I have to if you want to use your insurance, okay, so Part A is, let's get away from trying to make sense of everything and put a label on it. Okay. There are things in life that we don't need to label. It's a mindset. It's in the book. I've worked with people, they got off medication. I worked with people who had PTSD, schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, they're just labels their terms, okay. You can work through them. We're human, we suffer, we hurt.

Kevin Donaldson: 41:17

I think the most important thing you just said there, we can work through them. You're not stuck here forever, forever is a long term. Yeah, it's a long, it's an overwhelming term to think about. You know, and I think that's why it's important that first responders need somebody like you to show them that you can get through this.

Theresa Agostino: 41:38

And we call that normalization. you normalize the feelings. And that's why I decided when I went in with this organization that I've been with for eight years, and then got certified in trauma and stress management. for first responders. What I found was, they responded, Well, when I said just give them my number, they can come to my office, they can call me on the phone, we can have a zoom or FaceTime. Let's talk how you doing no money exchanged? No papers filled out just your name. And you know, in case I need to know your medication, or who do I need to call something happens. And I found that that gave these these guys and girls the freedom to feel like okay, I can sit here and breathe, I can say how I feel. And then when I'm able to say, You know what, I had a guy in here the other day, I had a girl in here the other day going through the same thing, because that's

Mike Failace: 42:29

outside the spectrum of the job itself. You know, it's not it's not bringing the insurance well, then it's not bringing her department of health and you could do it on a one on one basis. Nobody knows how to talk. So there's no like Kevin said no stigma stigma stigma to

Kevin Donaldson: 42:42

stupid that they that

Mike Failace: 42:45

pigment isation. Here,

Theresa Agostino: 42:46

let me let me finish my statement real quick before I forget. I don't throw pies. Okay. I love that word. I made it up surprise. I don't even know if it's a word. It sounds good. It is. Now here's what I tell them. We're not here for therapy. We're just here to talk. I might give you some pointers, coaching and coaching. I have a coach. I have coaches, mentors, right. We normalize it, and we don't let them feel like they're crazy or bad people.

Kevin Donaldson: 43:12

You're crazy. You're here.

Theresa Agostino: 43:14

Yeah, you're human. You're human. You're human. We're human. We feel things. It's okay. If if you are in law enforcement, first responders and you're not feeling some type of way, when you drag a body out of out of a fire or

Mike Failace: 43:30

then then you're not human. You're crazy.

Theresa Agostino: 43:32

That's I'm glad you're here because you are feeling this way. That's why you're in the game. You're in it for the love of the game love of humanity. And this is what I tell people, especially with law enforcement. The number one thing I hear a lot of times when they're in the midst of the crap. I think it's time for me to quit. Do you think I should quit? No, no, no, no, you just hit a bump. We don't. We don't think about quitting. And we don't argue with God. Because when you're suffering when you were in the midst of the crap, it's not the time to evaluate your faith or your job. It's time to just stay in your lane and focus on what is in your lane focus on what you have to focus on and realize that it will

Mike Failace: 44:18

pass don't know if you quit at the worst time and it's never going to get better.

Theresa Agostino: 44:24

It will not get better never know what you could have become.

Kevin Donaldson: 44:27

Yep. Now you've first responders in general and military are Type A personalities and they can become belligerent at times. You being and I hate that

Mike Failace: 44:39

I had a man instead of

Kevin Donaldson: 44:42

belligerent No, I get I get belligerent when I get uncomfortable. That's why I use that term. To kids being a female and I this forget about gender roles. You have somebody sitting in front of you, especially a male Have you ever felt threatened, where you felt uncomfortable or unsafe?

Theresa Agostino: 45:00

Never with law enforcement or a first responder, not ever wants, I'm treated with the utmost respect. They're hurting, they know it. They know they're there of their own free will. They know that they're there for help. And they know that I'm not going to charge them. I'm not calling their chief. They're their higher ups.

Kevin Donaldson: 45:17

You mean police and first responders aren't maniacs like the media makes them out to be?

Theresa Agostino: 45:22

None. None of them. They have hearts

Mike Failace: 45:24

of gold. The reason I think they're like that with you is because they're going there willingly. They're not sent to you by their department.

Theresa Agostino: 45:33

Some of them have been some of their jobs are on the line if they don't inhale when

Mike Failace: 45:37

you're sent there by your department. Now you think she's just a rat for the department, you know, and they're not going to open up but if they go there willingly, they're going to open up to

Kevin Donaldson: 45:45

there are certain therapists in this world who they're scruples are in question, Mike and I have we there's one guy in particular and I don't even have to tell my COVID is he'll know his name will never say it on air, because probably so it's okay. I damn near throw them out the window. I know Mike damn near throw them out the window, because he said some very offensive things. And he had no idea what he was doing. Nor did you can tell when somebody cares,

Mike Failace: 46:07

because we were sent to him by our department. It wasn't till we met, like you said, Dr. Stefanelli. Who we went there willingly. Yeah. And that's when things started getting better for me.

Kevin Donaldson: 46:17

But it's good, though, to have somebody in another state. And I'd love to I'd love to have this group of individuals such as yourself in every state to say, hey, you know what, I can't help you. But talk to this person. So personally trust, it's a person who knows first responders because and just getting back to Toyota Hackensack. One of the reasons that I feel comfortable recommending Toyota Hackensack is because I use them, I trust them. And that's how the first responder and military world deals with things like, Hey, I got a guy, I got a girl, I got a person for you to go see. Because it's all about trust. Because if you get first responders, number one, you're always going to be busy, always. But they're going to feel, you know, okay, well, I'm going off the recommendation of Mike here and go see Professor T. She'll take care of you. And she'll understand.

Theresa Agostino: 47:06

Absolutely. And let me give you this one story. In our area, there's there's this place called Death alley. And it's where this train comes in, a lot of people have ended their life by standing in front of that train. And this was just recently, maybe a year ago. Couple of new, new first responders got the call. And the one when they got on scene, the person who decided to end their life. You don't have to tell you, stuff was everywhere. Okay, they explode when they get hit by trains. The kid was a teen he just became, you know, just like a junior EMT. Right. And he, his superior told him to stay back. He wanted to say so he did traumatized. There was four of them. And I saw each of them separately. And then I so wanted you guys come back. You can all sit in my office, we'll just talk. You know, it's not therapy. We're just talking. Because I wanted to normalize the feeling. And I wanted them to bring people they were comfortable with. And so we were talking and and here's what we did. I said, Do you have pictures? And they said, Yeah, we do. And I said, let me see them needs to you don't want to see them. I said, yeah, let me see. And I looked heartbreaking because I'm I'm, I'm feeling what they're feeling. Now. Let me see these pictures, because I want to see what they saw. Now, I'm not saying that what I saw is equal to what they were experiencing. But I want them to know like, let's let's talk about it. And what's what's that at the foot? Oh, wow. How'd you feel when you saw that? What's that? Believe it or not? It's an eyeball. It was for these and their kids. I'm telling you that one was 18. One was 22. They were just in that cusp. And the one thing they said was the smell

Kevin Donaldson: 48:58

the smell of a dead body is their is their

Theresa Agostino: 49:01

guts and the brains and blood and blood. Yes. So here's what I did. I got some candles that I keep on my desk and I said smell this. What's the smell like? What's it smell like? Blood flavored. Now, but smell is an extremely powerful sense that we have smell. Yes. And so what I helped them to do was you know on your way home, go get some peppermint. Go get something go you know go to the store and buy some candles. And whenever you start getting anxious or you start going back into that moment, grab a candle or grab the mint and just smell it for a few minutes. Something as simple as that. That is

Kevin Donaldson: 49:38

great. That is great advice because I one of my cousin's zaimes Friday, I won't give his last name out of respect for him. But he was one of the Navy divers at the USS Cole when it was bombed in Yemen, and he it really jacked him up because he had to sit when the bomb went off. One of the sailors who was there got fused to the hall. It exploded with such force that have fused them to the metal. So in order to retrieve the body, they had to, they had the acetylene torch out that piece of the hall. And to this day, he tells me because I see him all the time, he tells me he can still smell the burning flesh. And that's what gets him. That's what keeps him up at night. I'm gonna, I'm gonna pass that on to Friday, I'm going to rely on us at all. And he's now he's actually down closer, you know, maybe even send them to send

Theresa Agostino: 50:28

them send them my way. You know, guys, I have, I've had the pleasure of working with so many first responders over the years. And this is one thing I tell them. You're never going to unsee what you saw, you will never unsee smell what you smelled. You'll never unfill what you felt one case a veteran Chief of Police Sergeant he still to this day has nightmares because the incident of going on a call and a lady coming out with a baby the baby died in his arms you know breathe and baby in a diaper. Hey, this is a big strong single guy right? He could break people in half like a pencil.

Kevin Donaldson: 51:12

Just the same guy that we know mutually No? Okay, that's not

Theresa Agostino: 51:16

the point is this. We I worked with him for quite a while and and although you don't unsee you don't on smell you don't on feel you don't you don't on know that. You can get through it. With with proper help. Right. To this day, it still bugs on it still. And that's what I think the one thing for first responders. That's the one thing hands down. They all tell me. It's when it's a kid, a baby a child? I think about my own children. I think about my own wife, I think about my own kids.

Mike Failace: 51:54

We said all the time you put your own kids face on that child? Yes.

Kevin Donaldson: 51:57

So how does this fit into the grid system?

Theresa Agostino: 51:59

So the grid system, it fits into the fact that there's part of that, you know, so many times I've had people come to me and say, Look, my partner, my spouse said you're either getting help, or you're getting out? You're getting help. Are you getting divorced? You know? So I've had to work with people with their mindset. Okay. And and one of the things about mindset, again, with the label, we don't have to we don't have to label stuff. We all go through stuff. It's how you look at it. Things don't mean things. Oh,

Kevin Donaldson: 52:29

I shouldn't call him an asshole. Again, I listen, that's your name for this episode? No, since you broke my chops, oh man labeled me. But this this. This book is interesting. Because the and I've read portions of it, I haven't because I only got it on Monday. You take your own life experience in here. And I think that this is important. It's something I really want to touch on with, with this grid system. You take your own life experience, and then you make it applicable to whatever life changing attitude. And what that does for somebody like me. If you were to come here and not have any life experience with some of the trauma that you're dealing with,

Mike Failace: 53:10

I would be less would say you're full of shit.

Kevin Donaldson: 53:13

Yeah, that's I was trying to say I was trying to dance around that. But that's that's essentially true is you're full of it. You don't know what you're talking about. You don't understand, but you actually do understand and you explain it quite, quite good in here quite articulately. So, this that this this book is more of a love letter to how you overcame your trauma, and how other people can apply it to their own lives,

Theresa Agostino: 53:37

as well as other people's stories that are in there. It's duplicatable, whether you're a first responder or a parent or professional athlete, or a million dollar company owner or a single mother or a single father or a college student. Because the mindset is the mindset. Okay, we are all human. We all put our pants on the same way. Okay, we all we all were born right and so it was hatched

Mike Failace: 54:07

buzzard brought him play and

Theresa Agostino: 54:10

that is funny. That's funny that that's another writer downer. But but we're all human. So no matter what sector you're in your your mindset is your mindset. And I'm gonna give you an example. So first of all, my I have so many examples, but I want to be careful. Alright, first of all, if you feel that winter is horrible, I hate winter. It's cold, it's dark early can't stand it. You're not wrong. But maybe you love winter. I love skiing. I love going sledding. I love the snow. I love the I love cold weather. So neither one of you are wrong. It's it's your feeling it suspects okay. It's your perspective. Perspective is everything. No matter what sector you're in. I've worked with people have lost Children. I've never lost a child. I mean, my son's a cop. I'm every night praying to God that you know, he's going to be okay. Right? You never know what what to expect. I can't say that I understand the feeling. But I, but I know that the mindset has the ability to overcome that. What what are you going to do with it? That matters? Okay, what are you going to do with what you're going through? And I find that people who succeed in life, in relationships, business, people who succeed are the ones who have what I call resilience, that mental muscle of resilience is what I teach resilience, the ability to overcome anything with a mental toughness, does it mean you're not going to suffer? No. But it means you're going to get through it, instead of allowing your obstacles to roll over you like a boulder. You allow the obstacles for you to stand on top of the boulder.

Mike Failace: 56:01

And we talk about resilience all the time. That's the way to get to anything, no

Kevin Donaldson: 56:05

mental muscle. I like that. I like that term mental.

Theresa Agostino: 56:07

It is a mental muscle and you have to flex your muscle. How do you how do you go to the gym and gain muscle? Right? Yeah.

Kevin Donaldson: 56:16

Oh, you haven't done that yet.

Theresa Agostino: 56:18

But it's, isn't it? Isn't it true that in order to get muscles you have it's it's push and pull and tension, right? So if you're not suffering, if you're not going anything through anything, how are you going to? How are you going to gain resilient and again,

Mike Failace: 56:32

be resilient in the gym. So the push through all that pain and suffering and keep going? The strongest

Kevin Donaldson: 56:38

people in the gym? The main principle to learn is time under tension. Okay, time on time under tension to you too. And the same goes for mental mental muscle time under tension. So people who have lived their lives under tension, have the ability with proper help to be the strongest mental people out there. Would you agree?

Theresa Agostino: 57:01

Yes, you can. And I have found that the people who are the most successful, tapped into that resilience and said nothing is going to stop me on my journey.

Kevin Donaldson: 57:13

So where do we find this grid system book?

Theresa Agostino: 57:15

You can find it on my website. It's on Amazon. What's your website website? Glen Mills. cc.com. Glen Mills. cc.com.

Kevin Donaldson: 57:24

All right. And your I know you're on Instagram. I'm on Instagram, Facebook, Facebook. All right, LinkedIn, why don't you give them out? Okay,

Theresa Agostino: 57:32

so on LinkedIn, I'm Professor Teresa Augusta, Nelly. on Facebook. gusted Ella Gustin, LinkedIn Professor Teresa gusta, Nelly, Facebook, Teresa Marie, and Instagram Teresa Marie dot coach.

Kevin Donaldson: 57:45

Yes. Because I had a tough time finding you at first. Yeah,

Theresa Agostino: 57:49

a lot of people are having a tough time finding me because I have so many different layers and levels. And I've been evolving. So I've got to get that all under control.

Mike Failace: 57:57

Keep all those different names. Yeah. Listen, if I'm on, I'm on, I'm only on Instagram. But if I was on Facebook, and I had to use a different name, I'd never be able to find myself. Well,

Theresa Agostino: 58:08

I do find people who are like, you know, happy strawberries. 45789. And I'm like, Oh my God. That's my friend Mary that, you know, I know He lives down the street. So it's people have different handles, I call it. But yeah, the book is something that I'm very proud of. And here's why I'm so proud of it. And I don't know how much time we have. But this is what I'm going to I'm going to be coming to the end soon. So but so when I'm going to my last remarks would be why the book why the book is out when it

Kevin Donaldson: 58:38

outs. Okay, why don't you Why don't you let us know.

Theresa Agostino: 58:41

So that book has been in the making for almost 20 years because I've been chronicling things that I've gone through and chronicling how I've been helping people and chronicling my personal professional development and education and research. And I found that, you know, time goes by and then COVID hit. The book was just in the computer. And my parents were always asked me where's the book? Once book can be good for your brain. And it's common, it's common. My mother passed away on November 19. My mother had dementia and Alzheimer's and I was with my mother. I lived across the street from my parents. My two brothers passed away. My sister lives in northeastern Pennsylvania. And I was with my parents all the time. And my mother passed away. She passed away peacefully, but it was a horrible I lost my mother twice when she was diagnosed and then she started forgetting who she was who we were. terrible disease. Horrifying. My mother would communicate with me through her eyes. I knew she knew who I was. And I knew that she was cheering for me. And she passed away. My father got COVID So we canceled my mother's funeral. My father has COVID He's in the hospital. He gets out of the hospital. My father goes back in the hospital and on Christmas Day, five weeks later, I'm in the hospital. My father is dying in the hospital saying Your father's not gonna live the COVID has attacked his lungs. He had prior existing conditions. I left the hospital without my father. So both of my parents passed away within five weeks of each other. I was determined that was the kick in the ass. It really was the kick in the ass. You know what I lost? My two parents, my two rocks. And no matter what my father may have been in the past, he made peace with that he made peace with me. He made peace with us. And we were okay. And I realized that they never got to see this book. So I made some I made some inquiries. And lo and behold, the book gets published. My publisher calls me on June 10 says your book is live on your ebook is live. That was my dad's birthday.

Kevin Donaldson: 1:01:02

Coincidence, serendipity?

Mike Failace: 1:01:04

Oh, no, it's not coincidence. There's a reason behind that. That's a play, we talk about reason behind.

Theresa Agostino: 1:01:10

So now more than ever, I want to leave a legacy. My parents left a legacy they were married 68 years. That's rare. And I want to leave that legacy. And I want to help as many people as I can. And I want to help people break the stigma, break the cycle, break the patterns, live their best life, no matter what the hell you've been through, no matter what you're experiencing, no matter who you are, no matter how bad it's been, no matter how bad it is, you have the ability to overcome anything simply by training your mind to overcome this, because you were created the highest form of creation, we are created as the highest form of creation we are created to do and be and have everything we were created for by the great creator. So leave it at that

Kevin Donaldson: 1:02:00

normally, at the end of the show, I asked you what your sufferings taught you. But I think you just answered that whole question, and there's no reason to answer it.

Mike Failace: 1:02:07

But just getting back to that though. I tell people all the time, no matter how bad today is. There's always tomorrow.

Kevin Donaldson: 1:02:13

Yes, it could be worse, right? No.

Theresa Agostino: 1:02:14

And you know what? I love that because I talk globally. I'm I am talking. I'm an international speaker. Okay. Thank you. COVID. Because I ended up talking to people across the globe through being interviewed on podcasts and on Facebook and all kinds of things. Here's what I learned. I love this. I tell it to people all the time. Do you know what? Okay, what time is it now? Do you know it's tomorrow somewhere. So no matter how we feel right now, someone else is living tomorrow. Tomorrow King for them. Tomorrow will come for us.

Kevin Donaldson: 1:02:50

Subtle lows also rise tomorrow.

Theresa Agostino: 1:02:52

So always remember, it's tomorrow somewhere so you can get through it. No matter what you've been through, no matter who you've lost. What you've lost how you've lost it. You can you will you must overcome.

Mike Failace: 1:03:05

You know, it's funny, you get that question all the time. How are you doing? I tell people all the time I woke up. I don't set the bar too high. I woke up as long as I wake up. I know I could take on a day. I'll worry about tomorrow when I get Yeah.

Kevin Donaldson: 1:03:15

When people ask you how you're doing? No, it's a rhetorical question. There's only two proper answers to that it's either fine or great. And if you're not good, the answer is fine. Yeah.

Theresa Agostino: 1:03:23

Yeah. When I was at my worst, people would ask me that. And I would be like, do you really want to know? Because if you really want to know, Sudan, I'm gonna tell you, and then you're gonna walk away. Okay, so don't ask me I'm doing it. Oh, look at a scene that I've seen that. And that's another thing with helping first responders. They just need to talk to somebody, okay? They don't always want to tell their spouse or their partner or their chief as you can, they can all understand they don't need to take that home. And that I have the shoulders for that I have the broad shoulders to sit and help you make sense of what you're going through, get you back on the job until you're ready to make that decision. You don't have to make it now. But I help people get back on the job because they want to get back on the job. They want to do what they love to do.

Mike Failace: 1:04:06

I before we wrap this up, though, I just want to say duct T had so many caffeine and before.

Kevin Donaldson: 1:04:11

That's why That's why the words are going so fast.

Mike Failace: 1:04:14

That's my caffeine. And she said I may order some right. Yeah, we all order some it's much

Kevin Donaldson: 1:04:19

better than putting that garbage in your body.

Theresa Agostino: 1:04:21

I love it. I love it. And that's a really good point.

Kevin Donaldson: 1:04:25

I appreciate you coming on. I

Mike Failace: 1:04:27

appreciate what you do. Coming from a first responder. I appreciate what you do. I wish there was more people like you and as well.

Theresa Agostino: 1:04:33

Thank you.

Kevin Donaldson: 1:04:34

Thank you so much. You're welcome back anytime. So when your next book comes out, you have to make sure you come in here and we will hit the grand saloon. Well, maybe you have a spa day. So don't forget the book is the grid system by Teresa Agustin le

Theresa Agostino: 1:04:49

Thank you, okay. All right. You're a quick learner.

Kevin Donaldson: 1:04:53

And that's gonna do it for this episode of the suffering podcast. But before we go, let's think about all the stuff that we learned today. Therapy Eyes is a new word that I just learned today. Happiness is a choice faced that suffering head on but most importantly, you can get through this and grace with grit, grace with grace and she was Grace with grace with great we were in presence of grace with Greg. Yes. That's gonna do it for this episode of the suffering podcast the suffering of a therapist. And don't forget to follow us on Instagram Facebook, Twitter, follow Mike at Mike underscore Falaise. Follow me at real Kevin Donaldson. Don't forget to follow the suffering podcast at the suffering podcast and we will see you on the next episode. And as my favorite Senate live news correspondent with Dennis Miller that's gonna wrap this episode

Unknown: 1:05:48

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