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Clark Fredericks has experience suffering on a level that very few can imagine. Growing up in a small town in New Jersey and coming from a middle-class family, Clark saw all the possibilities that life could offer. A chance meeting with a neighbor caused his world to crumble. Clark tells his story on this episode about how he was targeted, groomed, molested, and ultimately Raped by what townspeople saw as a normal average human being. Being forced to bear this burden alone Clark turned to self medication and risky behavior to numb his suffering. In this episode you will hear a story Scarier than any novel or Hollywood movie could dream.
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This is gonna hurt. It's time for the sufferings podcast podcast. Shadows can chase us for all our lives. specters of trauma past loomed over our shoulders like a ghost in a haunted house, and chase us until the day we die. We can only run so far, so fast, and for so long before we wear ourselves out, unless you pivot and face your shadow, turning directly into its horrifying memory, and showing the injury that it cannot define you any longer. Once you're able to shadow and control your shadow, you can begin to use it as your strength. Looking up to this giant and saying, You didn't beat me. I was able to take you down. I am better than you. The best revenge is to be unlike they who caused the injury. I'm Kevin Donaldson here with Mike fleece. And on this episode of the suffering podcast, we sit down with Clark Frederick's to discuss the suffering of revenge. Clark knows all too well about the subject of revenge and we're gonna get into some really deep shit today.
Mike Failace:You know, I see what you're trying to do to me now. You're bringing a guy that's younger than me, taller than me full head of hair. You're just you're coming after me already. Looks like gorgeous Jack. Well, if it's revenge, I ain't gonna fuck with him. I know that.
Kevin Donaldson:Well, who's the Revenger who's the who's the suffering revenge and suffering revenge is on him. This is what a 56 year old should look like? Well, first, I want to thank our marquee sponsor, that's Toyota of Hackensack. We buy our cars from Toyota, because we're always treated like family. We're not a number. Go to Toyota hackensack.com and let them find you a car. Thank you so much for coming in today, Clark. I really do appreciate it. Yeah, brother. My pleasure. Before we get into anything, we take questions from our audience. Yep. So this week, social media questions comes from Gerald use Gerald's from North Arlington. So he's a Jersey boy. It says, What's your biggest regret? And what did you learn from it? Clark? You're our guest today. Why don't you lead it off?
Clark Fredericks:Well, to get into my biggest regret, we'll have to sort of give a little bit of the story away. And I was molested by my Boy Scout leader at a young age and eventually raped. And he was a lieutenant at the county jail in our town. And he would take inmates home young male inmates home upon their release to mentor them. Oh, he's out with
Kevin Donaldson:his penis. Yeah.
Clark Fredericks:And in the middle of the night I live in. I grew up in this little town in Sussex County called Stillwater. And these inmates would like run out of his house in the middle of the night and hitchhike and people in Stillwater would pick them up. And they'd be like, you know, this guy from the jail, he offered me a place to get back on my feet. And in the middle of the night, I wake up and he's on top of me. Shit. And, you know, the residents is still what are like Holy crow, you know, and it just spread around like wildfire. And my dad caught wind of it. And my I came home from school. And this was after I had been raped. And my father sat me down. He said, Son, I can't believe what I'm hearing about Dennis Peck. I'm hearing he was taking inmates home from the jail and molesting them at his house. And people in town have picked up hitchhikers that ran from his house middle of the night, you know, and told them what happened. And I just want you to tell me, did he ever touch you? And I'm 13
Kevin Donaldson:going through changes in your body.
Clark Fredericks:And I just a year before I got horribly, horribly raped, we'll get into it, you know, but I just I couldn't bring myself to tell them. And that's like, you know, I've had this out of control off the charts life. And I thought I had a ton of regrets, but I really don't, but I regret at 13 and I know he's a young kid. But if I had told my father then what happened? My life would have went drastically different if I could have began healing immediately.
Kevin Donaldson:It's so scary because I have a child that's about to turn 13 And I talked I sit him down often and I talked him on things. Hey, look, this is what you got to look out for. You gotta let us know right away. There's no shame in it. You know, we'll take care of stuff like that. Oh, you just scared the shit
Clark Fredericks:out of me. And by the way it was that was my biggest regret
Kevin Donaldson:whatever regrets we got. I regret not clipping my nails.
Mike Failace:Yeah, I mean, jeez, hell in comparison, it is Mike.
Kevin Donaldson:I'm gonna I'm gonna lay this one off for you because you got to follow that.
Mike Failace:Yeah. I always say that. One of the biggest regrets of my life is when I was younger, I want to believe in college and really didn't have much direction I was popping Going from job to job and I wanted to go into Marine Corps. And I came home, I took my test for everything. And I told my mother, I was gonna go to the Marines. She broke down hysterical cry. I never did it. One of the biggest regret regrets in my life. For me, aside from doing the podcast.
Kevin Donaldson:For me, it's all the relationships that I destroyed because of my trauma. And we did an Instagram Live earlier today, and it was about self destruction. And when you go through certain traumas in your life, you really destroy the good things that are surrounding you that you just can't see. Because you feel like you don't deserve them. So there's many, many, many different relationships that I've destroyed because I, I'm broke, I'm still broken, you know, but I was really broken back then. And, you know, I'll live till my dying day trying to repair certain relationships in my life, whether I'll get there or not, who knows, but I'm willing to go through that suffering in order to repair these these relationships.
Mike Failace:You know, that's what we talked about before, too. When you're in a deep, dark place, and someone's trying to help you a lot of times you push them away. Yeah. And you you broke those relationships. So
Kevin Donaldson:So Mike and I were both in critical incidents, and there's people that call us after that. Hey, bro, you okay? And I didn't pick up the phone because I didn't like fuck you. I don't want to talk to you. Right? You know, did you Did that ever happen to you where somebody, especially later in life as stuff started coming out that you that you just sort of pushed them away?
Clark Fredericks:Oh, I push. You know, before I murdered i I was content to just be alone in my house. isolating myself with drugs and alcohol. I didn't want friends. I didn't want family. I just wanted to self destruct be left alone. Let me get Hi, Fi die. I didn't care at that point. Just leave me alone. So yeah, absolutely. The
Mike Failace:you said that. I know that all too well. And you just
Kevin Donaldson:you sit in that chair and you're like you don't want to do if I don't wake up tomorrow. That's a good thing.
Clark Fredericks:I always said that horses are coming in phone calls are coming in and you're just like, No, no, you said going
Mike Failace:through to my incident. I always said I was never suicidal. I went to bed every night saying you know what, if I don't wake up tomorrow is probably not a bad thing.
Kevin Donaldson:You know, the funny thing about that is there are people that reached out to me that I didn't expect to reach out to me I of course push them away. But then there were people who I would have expected to reach out to me that didn't and I kind of held that against them. Like you son of a bitch but being removed from it as far as I did. I understand like, what are they gonna say? Like to you? Like, if if you and I grew up together, and I found out what happened to you? What the fuck do you say? Hey, dude, I'm I'm sorry to guy who's a kid toucher. You know, what do you say to that? So I see both sides of it. Yeah, you
Clark Fredericks:know, when you when you keep something a secret, it takes on a life of its own. And I became this other persona. And, you know, like, in college, you know, I met met the girl of my dreams. And, and yet, you know, she's she would she said, you know, like, I would just get this denied or like, be right in front of her laying in bed. And like, I'm staring off and she's like, where are you right now? And I'd be like, I don't know what you're talking about. And because that was your
Mike Failace:norm, so you didn't think anything was different. But when other people start realizing it? Well, no,
Kevin Donaldson:we're all of the age where we all remember the song that played every 10 minutes on MTV. Every Rose has its Thorn by poison. You know, it's, we were we were by we're lying side by side, but we feel miles apart inside. It's something like that. And I understand I didn't understand that song when it came out. But I understand that now. I really do. And you
Clark Fredericks:know, that sums it up, right? Yeah, it does.
Kevin Donaldson:You so you you grew up in Stillwater. Yeah. You talked about your dad sitting you down, which is a good thing was good dad.
Clark Fredericks:Yeah. You know, my dad struggled. My dad, you know, I was raised in a middle class family, you know, was a good family. My dad struggled with alcohol. Until I was like, 17. He got sober and he was sober for the rest of his life. And on his deathbed, he's been dead like 23 years now. On his deathbed. He felt the need to confess to me that he was molested by a Catholic priest. Wow. And wow. Yeah. And that answered why he struggled with alcohol early on. And
Kevin Donaldson:these old timers didn't have what we have now with the resources
Clark Fredericks:now and you know what part of me thinks he told me that because he suspected something with me and he wanted to try to spur me into you know, speaking out till
Kevin Donaldson:now you imagine living your whole life with this loot his little boy is boy who you love more than yours. Golf and knowing having an idea that something went on but being powerless to do anything about it, or knowing because you know firsthand what that's like your father,
Clark Fredericks:this was his last ditch attempt.
Mike Failace:But you know what I was like, when it finally came out what happened? Could you imagine the suffering your father went through, you know, knowing that that happened to him back then to he had to relive all those memories again,
Kevin Donaldson:knowing the pain and suffering that he went through and then seeing his own flesh and blood do it too.
Clark Fredericks:Well, my father was dead before everything came out about me. But as he suspected before you guys, oh, yeah. And you know, I mentioned that first time he asked me, he asked me again, like another year or so later, because a lady from our town, worked at a Dunkin Donuts. And my father went in from a coffee and was talking to her and she told my father, how her son was raped by Dennis Pegg. And my father came home. And this time, though, when he sat me down, he said, Before you answer my question, I just want you to know you'll never have to go to the police and you'll never have to testify in court. I will take care of Dennis Peck myself. You just told me Did he ever touch? Fathers basically tell him I love
Kevin Donaldson:to tell I love your father.
Mike Failace:I absolutely love isn't that like every parent though? Like, you know, everybody says all if I ever found that this happened my kid I'd kill the fucking guy. Well, so when it comes down
Kevin Donaldson:to funny story about that is when when I when we lived in my first house, my young, my young, my oldest was born and there was a guy he was always high. He's always drunk driving. I lived in a small residential street, which was 25 I was driving 4050 miles an hour down the street. I remember what first time I said, Hey, look, Bro, can you slow down? I got small kids don't don't speed down here. He kept doing it. So one day I grabbed him. I said, Look, bro, I love my kids more than I love my freedom. I will fucking kill you. And not think twice about it and sit in a jail cell happily. If you hurt my kids, and he never drove down the street again. Like it was I said, this is not I'm not being euphemistic. I will kill you. If you ever do that. Thankfully, it didn't happen. And I didn't have to act on it. But that's how much I loved my kids. I still love me. Love, still love them. So we all know we're here to talk because you went through something you went through every parent's nightmare. And every child's nightmare. Yeah, it was. It was absolute horror. Now, walk us through the process. In the beginning. You said he was a boy scout leader. Yeah. And this is this the reason I have nothing against the Boy Scouts of America because I think they do some good things. But it's like a breeding ground because it happens a lot.
Clark Fredericks:It was for decades. It was you know, you know, I worked in New Jersey to get the statute of limitations law overturned. And the Boy Scouts ended up declaring bankruptcy and 82,000 people came forward, you know, and filed lawsuits against them. That's just the ones that came forward, you know, it's probably 10 times that amount. You know, the other ones still dress, it's gonna, it's gonna be tough
Mike Failace:to come forward with something like that.
Kevin Donaldson:I don't think any of them ever came forward out of maybe it didn't happen and they just wanted to be part of that
Mike Failace:latch on.
Clark Fredericks:Sure. You get a handful of if it's the one that was molested. There's processes you have to go through to weed that out. You have to you have to you know, I had to fill out a 12 page form in my in the, in the bankruptcy lawsuit. And you know, you got to answer a lot of questions if you're just bullshitting to get some money. You know, there'll be they'll see that you are in
Mike Failace:that lawsuit. Right? I was a guy he's one of those guys, you know, he hears money out there. Let me go go.
Clark Fredericks:Even the Boy Scout lawsuit isn't off balance for Holi
Kevin Donaldson:took it to a real deep, dark place. Clark a lot of times I just let him talk and he sinks
Clark Fredericks:himself just digs his own
Kevin Donaldson:grave right there.
Mike Failace:Well, you know, you're talking about regrets before putting my foot in my mouth. But how all right where were we Clark fits right
Kevin Donaldson:into this podcast. I mean, he's it's like he's been here forever. We just we are gonna
Mike Failace:look for a new partner.
Kevin Donaldson:So how did it start the always taught you always hear about grooming. That's the buzz term now.
Clark Fredericks:Yeah, I'll get through quick for you. Since we're limited time, but I had an older brother six years older than me. And he was in the scouts. And this guy, you know, predators have to defend, befriend the family. And this guy befriended our family. And when when I say befriend that we took them in, we were the sheep. We had prime hunting land. He hunted with us every year deer hunted. He spent all the holidays with us back then my parents owned the restaurant my father put on big Sunday night meals, and he would come and drink wine and tell stories about beating inmates at the jail. Till he got into a serious car crash, and my mother insisted he recuperated on our house so she could bathe him and feed him and mentor him back to health. And meanwhile, the wheels are just churning in this guy's head. I was born with a hole in my heart. At age six, the doctors came to my parents and said, you know, we've been monitoring and Clark, his whole has grown to the size of a half dollar, we have to operate within the next six months. So I went into Mount Sinai Hospital in the city, and had open heart surgery. At age seven. I have keloid condition where my scar is raised up. My parents were so proud of me for surviving this open heart surgery. They my scar was pronounced and it looked like a zipper. And they would have me do what is like a peep show and lift my shirt to all their friends collect a quarter note show be like show your zipper. So like here, I'm doing this peep show to all their friends all the time. You know, little seven year old Clark survived this open heart surgery collecting quarters. One of their friends was Dennis pay.
Kevin Donaldson:Well, that's actually a cool way to do it for your parents. I want to I want to touch on that. So they took that negative, you know, where you might be self conscious,
Clark Fredericks:totally was self conscious. And at that age, you just want to fit in, right? And now I stand out. Plus it's key Lloyd it's raised up. It's bigger.
Kevin Donaldson:But maybe they were trying to do what I'm saying is maybe they were trying to do it to get you over that subconscious. Yeah,
Clark Fredericks:I couldn't be I never even thought of that. You get the
Mike Failace:quarter of your parents keep it. So they
Kevin Donaldson:gave it the dentist.
Clark Fredericks:So this is this is like four months after my surgery life or death surgery. It's a summer day like June, July. And we had a big backyard. We had a screened in porch and bar area. Everybody's out back. I came in for a drink and to watch TV for a minute in the TV room was right next to the front door. Boom, boom, boom. Dennis pegs at the front door. I idolized him. You know, he, you know, he was the big man around town. You know, he was a hulking 265 pound guy. And I let him in. He's like, Hey, little buddy, you know, tussles my hair. Where is everybody? You know, I'm like, they're out back. What are you doing? I'm watching TV for a minute. Oh, let's sit. He's like, Hey, I got a corner. Let me see your scar. So I'll make sure then I lift my insured up to my chin. And he's like, I've never seen a scar. So raised up like yours. How can I give you $1? You let me touch it? I'm like, Sure, why not? Dollar? Yeah. So. So he takes his two big meaty fingers and he's going up and down my scar. And then he goes below my scar line. And he's like, pushing in on my abdomen. Is your stomach sore from the surgery little buddy? I'm like, No, then he's know after a minute or so he's like, Alright, here's your dollar. Now. This is our little secret. We can't be friends if you can't keep a secret. You got that army buddy. I'm like, sure then. All right, I'm going out back put that in your piggy bank I'll see out back. And, and that would soak here for months after this life or death surgery. This animal, this predator that he uses that as in and not only you know, has he started the grooming, it's physical grooming, and its secrets. And everything became a secret after that.
Kevin Donaldson:God damn, man. Like you're stepping back as an adult right now. And going. Nobody see this shit. Yeah, but watchful, eye
Mike Failace:watchful eye. And this is something you said you idolize. So you're gonna do almost anything he wants you to do. And he's got it. He's giving you money.
Clark Fredericks:Yeah, he's already done the physical touches. You know, there's a process these animals do. And they're very good at it. It's like there's a playbook. They they will read like, okay. I'll tell you now they're
Kevin Donaldson:ready to dive right into his pants.
Mike Failace:It's the Nambla pay playbook.
Clark Fredericks:Animals probably did put one out you know, and I grew up at at a lake community in Stillwater called Polska Lake and back then, you know, when we grew up, you learned how to ride your bike and you were told, be gone, go play be home at dinnertime. Everybody, all the young kids went down to the there's a dam there separates the lake into the PASCO river. And that's where everybody congregated. There was basketball courts and jungle gyms, tennis courts and swimming normal kitchen. Yeah. So and this was Dennis pecks, trolling around
Mike Failace:a candy store for him.
Clark Fredericks:So I'm down there. And, you know, eight years old, seven years old. He's spending hours with all those young boys teaching us how to fish. Nine years old, he's invited me into his pickup truck to split a six pack of beer. And he's like, nine, nine. I could get a lot of, you know, like, there's alcohol is pornography. There's touching. It's it's right. Yeah. And so nine years old, I'm splitting a A Six Pack and he's like I could get in a lot of trouble. You know, at the jail if if this came out, and I'm thinking to myself, Why in the world would I want to ruin this? I'm getting to have beers with a look at a porno. Why wasn't looking at porn? Yeah. Oh, yeah. But yeah, so another secret. And then, and then it's hop in my truck, have a beer. My friend just bought this farm house. And there was his old desk left behind. And I opened up the drawer and it was filled with porn pictures. Come on, let's look at some in my truck. And I'm thinking Oh, cool. You know, I'm cool. See some naked breasts or something? Beer men and women. It's all Polaroids of close ups of penises. And I'm like, and he's like, look at these. And then he's laughing and joking. Like, it's a big look at these. Look at these. And I'm like, where's all those women den? Oh, those must have been in the other drawer. I just grabbed a handful real quick. I'll grab I'll grab some of the other Jordan next time. You know, so he's gauging me and he's, uh, he's trying to normalize penises. You know? He always was taking trips out west. And he went to Yellowstone Park one time, and he came back down at the lake again, you know, everything's down at the lake. And he's like, oh, you know, I just got back from Yellowstone. And back then the Marlboro Man was the epitome of cool. Yeah, yes. Ultra mass guy. Yeah. He tells me on the trip, I met the Marlboro Man. And what a great guy. And would you believe he shared with me that he's gay. And it didn't bother me in the least. You know, he was the greatest guy. We went to dinner three nights in a row. I don't know if he ever met the friggin marble or men or Marlboro Man. It's great story. But he's
Mike Failace:really young and impressionable. Now he's, he's bringing you closer in alright. You met him another idol, right and
Clark Fredericks:normalizing male on male behavior. And another secret, another seek. And then, you know, at the dam area where we used to congregate, on the other side is still water by His house is another fishing area by the grist mill. And he'd be like, ah, the fish aren't biting here. Let's go over by the grist mill. And every time we went to go over by the grist mill, he would somehow slip into the water. I just slipped on them. Come on, we gotta go to my house so I could change my shoes. And it was always take me to his house to have a beer and I'll let's have a beer while we're here. And I'll so this is, you know, over the course of a couple of years, I don't know how many times he went to his house, but it's getting me comfortable being at his house. 1010 years old.
Kevin Donaldson:I want everybody I want everybody to listen to what Clark is saying right here. And keep we all love our children. And we never want something like this to happen. Just identify everything that a clerk is saying, because this is not unusual behavior for somebody who is has an affinity for for young children.
Clark Fredericks:Yeah. And you know, he he was methodical. And I'm sure he had other boys in the pipeline of this behavior that were at various stages. I made a I might have been back at the early stage and he man it might have had five kids at the stage of its time for molestation stage and then
Mike Failace:guys that graduated from molestation State's going on for years.
Clark Fredericks:He had a 45 year reign of terror in her town. So you know, so and he was it's not like it's not like you're you're going down to the dam and some homeless guys grabbing that. Yeah, and pulling your pants now. This is years of slow, methodical
Kevin Donaldson:you put in the work. Yeah, he put it away.
Clark Fredericks:As the state police told me he was a professional hunter of children. And he was very good at it
Kevin Donaldson:to him. I mean, I don't even know where to go with that like now the first time that he actually what like how did it work that he groomed you for all these years?
Clark Fredericks:The next stage was wrestling matches at his house. Yeah, let's go to my house.
Kevin Donaldson:This is a different strokes episode. This is that's what this is. I don't know if you saw that different strokes episode. So it was one of the first of its kind before this. Like child molestation wasn't really spoken about on say network TV. You remember different strokes with Arnold and Willis, what you're talking about? Well, that's right. So him, Arnold and Willis go to this guy's house. And I swear in, not on a Willis. Arnold in Dudley, his best friend, they go to this house, and the guy who's grooming them. It's an abbreviated, obviously, it's a half hour show. So it's an abbreviated thing but everything that you're saying, I'm telling you every single thing that you're saying, this guy on this show did as far as the porn mags, the liquor, that taking your shirt off in wrestling matches and it's like, it's like you wrote the script for that show that was in the 80s So that's that's why it's very
Clark Fredericks:saying there's like there's a playbook somewhere. We're missing playbook,
Kevin Donaldson:but that was a read like they the network's didn't want to show that. They didn't want to show that was a big controversy. Yeah, I never I never heard of that. If you watch that, well, I don't know if you go it might I imagine it brings up some bad memories. But if you watch that episode your belly Yeah, he did that he because everything you described, I remember that episode very clearly got the checklist, Jackie, check that so the wrestling matches continue. And, you know, you get a little grab him here, you get a little grab in there. He's,
Clark Fredericks:he's he's wrestling and he's obviously erect. You know, but at that age, you're just like, I don't what are you really looking back on it now
Kevin Donaldson:and your age, your age at this time. And
Clark Fredericks:so then it it progresses to at age 11. We get to his house. And instead of just Budweiser beers, he gives me class fulls of blackberry brandy,
Kevin Donaldson:which is everybody's first liquor.
Clark Fredericks:Let's chuck the two glasses of blackberry brandy at 11 years old, plus Bloodwise. bombed. And he wants to play a game called bumping box. Let's play bumping logs. And
Kevin Donaldson:then you play this in high school.
Mike Failace:Just before I came up here. You say on bed.
Clark Fredericks:This is my trauma we're dealing with here are you animals.
Kevin Donaldson:I had to break that one up. Because I'm getting this swordfighting image in my head. I'm like, I gotta get that out of there. I gotta get it out.
Clark Fredericks:Well, he disappears to his bedroom. He's like, I'll be right back. And he comes back. And I thought he put something into his he will always wear cargo shorts. You know what those pockets. And he's got something sticking out in his shorts. I thought he just put something in and it's sort of 10 year old joke. So he picks me up from the chair stand up, and he starts pulling me into himself. And he's like your logs not ready yet. We gotta get your log ready. And he sits me down on the chair. I'm wearing shorts in the summer. And he's like, close your eyes. And don't open them no matter what happens. I close my eyes. And within seconds. He's got my shorts down. He starts blowing me and my eyes instantly open and he's got his penis out and he's dark in office. He's doing it and I am paralyzed grip to the chair frozen in fear. Like what in the hell is going on here? Yeah. And he finishes himself off. And
Kevin Donaldson:there's no greater violation in the world than then touching a child. I'm I'm going to last for one
Mike Failace:pleasuring yourself as you're touching a child.
Clark Fredericks:And just the skip Florida hair, because it ties into that. After I got arrested, a guy from our town came forward to the prosecutor. And he said, You know, I've known Dennis pag for 30 years. I just want it to be known that he was the greatest guy ever. Like they're like, Okay, he's like, but he did confess to me 20 years ago that he enjoyed blowing Boy Scouts, but I want he was a great guy. And I'm like, and I'm reading this like, and he wanted he emphasized what a great guy Dennis was like you just said he confess to you that he loved blowing boy scout the great guys done. The animal is out there is no great guy you know
Kevin Donaldson:Adolf Hitler loved animals. Great animal lover. Yeah. Oh, killed the 6 million Jews. But don't worry about that. Right? Yeah, he just loved animals, cheeses, I mean, people will put a spin on any sum should be
Mike Failace:done to that guy. If he knew 20 years ago? How many victims could he have actually saved by coming forward back then
Kevin Donaldson:then you're culpable then you're complicit in whatever crime it is, right? I mean, I don't Oh my gosh.
Clark Fredericks:It's, it's unbelievable. That this guy would come forward saying, No, you
Kevin Donaldson:you leave, that you leave his house after what just happened? And you're 10 years old, at 10 years old, the mental acuity to just process what just happened? Your first sexual experience
Clark Fredericks:I couldn't and I just I was able to just put it out of my mind. And like, you know, it's not like, I'm living with my monster. It's not like, you know, I'm a girl and going home to my father every day after school and he's raping me or something, you know, because I've had enough of those people reach out to me and it's just, it's unbelievable. My my things were spaced out with him. You know?
Kevin Donaldson:It wasn't one right after the others. But yeah, it was
Clark Fredericks:progression over years of this stuff, you know, so Let's jump forward to age 12. Age 12. He concocts this whole cockamamie story. You keep
Kevin Donaldson:going back to his house because it's normalized at this point. Yeah.
Mike Failace:And you're getting alcohol
Clark Fredericks:age 12 He concocts this cockamamie story. I'm not gonna go into the story. But it leads us back to his house. And it was a summer day, but inside his house, I almost think he turned the heat on in there. Because the house was stifling. And black glasses of BlackBerry bread, Budweiser beer,
Kevin Donaldson:were you when you were drinking that? Did you have it in your mind? Like, oh, shit, this is happening.
Clark Fredericks:Again. I'm like, but but I was so paranoid driving to his house that I wanted to get a get a drink and me like, you know, like, I'm just like, you know, I'm like, let's, let's pound this. Did you ever try to get out? No, no, no, no, this all plays with your mind as you get older and you become a man. And you're like,
Mike Failace:motherfucker, why didn't I see it? Yeah, why didn't I see it back then.
Clark Fredericks:And that's that's the thing, the dichotomy of still having that 12 year old boy inside you that hasn't healed yet. And being a grown man who wants to snap his neck in half. You know, I had a recurring dream. Throughout my whole life. Of the grown up, Clark would bust through the door of his house and rescue the 12 year old Clark right before this shit happened. And that was always a recurring dream. While while this
Kevin Donaldson:stuff is happening, did you ever escape and because I know there's other I've read other child victims of child molestation, they escaping they're like comic books. And the reason they do that is because they want that hero to either be that hero or have that hero come save them. Right? Was there any not superheroes, per se, but was there anything that you escaped into at that age?
Clark Fredericks:Now, right after the rate, there's stuff I escaped into, we'll get into that. So your age at age 12. We got he's got the story. It ends up being at his house. Alcohol. And he's got me naked in his honors bed behind me in a bear. Like he's got me wrapped up and he's raping me. I'm screaming, I'm crying. I'm screaming. I'm crying. And I tell people, you know, I know at times people feel like they're alone in the world. I literally felt like the only person on the face of the planet. Nobody came to my rescue. I was altar boy and Episcopal Church. God didn't strike this piece of shit down. I felt totally alone with this evil entity raping me. He gets done. As I'm crying and screaming. He says to me, just another minute, so he could make sure he finished. That's what this piece of crap whispered in my ear from behind as I'm screaming and crying. Just another minute. We get done. He cleans me up, sits me down at his kitchen table gives me a beer. He had a coon dog what's called a coon dog and corn dogs have long drawn out house this this dog was going nuts because of my crisis scrapes. He brings his coon dog in right in front of me at the table. And he says I want to show you what will happen if you open your mouth like my dog. And he starts beating on this Dog Beating beating with his big fists, beating, beating beating. I'm screaming and crying for him to please stop. The dog lays unconscious at my feet. You open your mouth about what happened here today. That's what's gonna happen to you. He's a fuck do I do?
Kevin Donaldson:destruct? The fuck do I do? He just transferred he transferred your pain? Because it sounds sounds like correct me if I'm wrong. You have some sort of love for animals.
Clark Fredericks:Little kids and animals have always loved.
Kevin Donaldson:Okay, little kids and animals have always loved you. So you're watching this. And all of a sudden you forget about yourself for a second.
Clark Fredericks:To me to me what happened to that dog was worse than the right way worse because I was responsible for that dog.
Kevin Donaldson:How but that was something purposeful that he did knowing that you would have you Well, I'm gonna forget about me for a second this poor dog. And then you give it give it a chance just to get out of your system. That's what my theory is. I'm not a medical professional called
Mike Failace:throwing ascent or descent on something else. So you forget the stinker the other sent God damn.
Clark Fredericks:In the plane back in the playbook of a predator is incite fear in your victim. Yeah, he incited fear. You know,
Kevin Donaldson:now after that. That was the that was the first time that he entered you. Yeah. All right, first and last first in light. So he did it once. I mean one times enough.
Clark Fredericks:Yeah. Yeah, the blow job. You know, the wrestling. You know, it was like I said it was methodical. It was you know, it was a process of
Kevin Donaldson:progression. This gentleman was a corrections officer. Look at a well respected
Mike Failace:man in town.
Clark Fredericks:He was, you know, people in your audience can Google Dennis peg P E GG obituary? I think the family thought they were doing this great service to Him by listing all the organizations he was this this friggin guy was in every organization under the sun. There has there has to be 3040 organizations in his obituary, and the police are like that's all his hunting ground.
Kevin Donaldson:Of course. Of course Dennis can't be a bad guy. Look at all the good did he does right? Yeah, God. You know, people get so blinded by that stuff.
Mike Failace:Did he get a coach like little kids sports and all that stuff, too?
Clark Fredericks:Well, how about one better his house sat on a little hill that overlooks the elementary school. Oh my gosh. So whenever there's a baseball game going on, oh, baseball game going on. Let me go. Let me go down to the field. Let me see who's around. He was at all the baseball games.
Kevin Donaldson:So what happens after this rape?
Clark Fredericks:So after this rape, he drops me off back at the damn area.
Kevin Donaldson:Are you medically okay? I don't want to I don't again, I don't I'm not I'm not here to be disrespectful because that's the most horrible thing I've ever heard in my life, by the way. Physically, okay. You like you gotta get sewn up. You like what? Uh, now? Physically? You're physically okay. You don't have to go to the hospital to dive you heat obviously. He doesn't want you to go to the hospital but
Clark Fredericks:you want me to go into DL T? Are you? Are you ripped? That piece? That piece of crap entered me a few a few times. And then use my ass cheeks to squeeze against his his penis. That way? Holy shit. Yeah. Holy shouts when he's whispering just another minute.
Kevin Donaldson:I have been on cases where this has happened. I have never spoken to somebody as an adult that's had that happen. And I'm sitting here. My stomach is and
Clark Fredericks:I've never, I've never ever shared that part. Like, nobody's ever asked me what my stomach is.
Kevin Donaldson:Somebody asked me I will tell him I want you to get the visual of what this does. Physically. Then we're gonna get into what it did emotionally, which is I'm gonna guess it's probably worse than the physical physical. You can. You can toughen up a little bit on that stuff. The emotional stuff is the scars are geez, I can't I don't even want to think about it. But I want people to get the visual and graphic stuff like this. My stomach is churning right now. Like I I think I could take a shit. Like that's that's
Mike Failace:gonna throw up. I don't. I mean, that's, that's terrible.
Kevin Donaldson:This might be the worst thing I've ever heard. It was. It was horrific dude, which this ranks up there with Gene Hellberg gene Halbert, it was his son to suicide. But this ranks up there with that, this piece of dogshit there's no other word for him. But you know, if you're if you're a God fearing man, or even whatever religion you believe in, there was a special place where Dennis Pegg is and I'm gonna say his name because I want his name to be out there.
Mike Failace:What does this he's sure he says family because you said they mature and all that since family still in that area?
Kevin Donaldson:Yeah. If they ever reached out to you to say,
Clark Fredericks:You know what, nobody's ever asked me that until I just got a new Instagram follower. Last week, and they like
Kevin Donaldson:suffering podcast.
Clark Fredericks:And they they went through a whole bunch of my posts. And they they commented on him. And on one of the comments was, Has Dennis pecks family ever reached out to apologize to you or to say anything to you? And my answer was not, no. And stupidly, I was originally going to reach out to them. But then I read all their interrogations. And I'm like, and
Mike Failace:well worth your time and effort.
Kevin Donaldson:I pray that one of them listens to one of your speaking engagements or this show, and to hear the horror that you went through physically. Now, after this, you go home, you run right to your room.
Clark Fredericks:Well, he dropped me off at the lake. And, and I wanted to be away from the dam where all the kids concert congregated. I ran, I ditched my bike in the weeds. And I ran down the river. And I was just hugging myself and I'm rocking back and forth alongside the river. And my mind told me right then we are never going to talk about this talking about it is reliving it, and we don't want to fucking relive
Mike Failace:there's always going to be some sort of embarrassment to Oh, yeah, that shame is off the charts. Not like you're gonna get her friends and say, hey, guess what just happened to me?
Kevin Donaldson:Well, did you ever think that hey, listen, I just got I just got raped by man and I'm, I must be gay.
Clark Fredericks:No, you know, a lot of a lot you know, and I'm not doing that. I'm not saying this to protect myself. A lot of victims reach out to me. And they say it confused or sexuality. I never felt okay. Yeah, no, that's fine. Things I've heard on my mind, told me throughout my 20s and into my 30s We got to sleep With as many women as we possibly can to feel like a man overcome, just, I was a one night stand maniac in my 20s. And I couldn't sleep with enough women. And it left me going into my 30s feeling empty. I felt like a shell just for I sabotaged every relationship and every career. Because I never wanted to feel trapped. Trapped is how I felt that house, and I never want to feel trapped again.
Kevin Donaldson:Now, what did you do? How did you cope? Going into your adolescent years? Yeah,
Clark Fredericks:yeah. He raised me this. They built a new high school, and they put some of the eighth grade in high school and took it out of the elementary school. And it was the summer after of me graduating sixth grade, before I started seventh grade. If you had told me in sixth grade A month before, about smoking pot, or any other drug I would have, it was like completely foreign to me. I go into seventh grade, and I got all this pain and shame I'm trying to deal with I have zero coping mechanisms. My minds told me we're not going to talk about it. So I start smoking weed on a regular basis. 12 years old, I'm smoking weed regularly. I come home one day from school. And sitting on my bed is a bag of weed, a pop pipe and rolling papers. I thought I was so cool hiding in my room. And my father found that and he's like, What the fuck is this? And you know, and back then, you know, he missed a perfect opportunity to open up a dialogue with me and get me to talk. Instead he took the authoritarian approach. And he's like, I already researched military schools. There's one down by Philadelphia you keep this shit up. I'm sending you to Mills military school. And that shut me right up. Yeah, there's no there's no talking
Kevin Donaldson:to him. But now you know, now your coping skill. Your coping mechanism is gone. Now what?
Clark Fredericks:Oh, that lasted for a couple of weeks. And then I started right back up again.
Kevin Donaldson:It ever progressed beyond weed. Yeah.
Clark Fredericks:Going going into high school. Alcohol got easier to get back then there was paper licenses, no pictures. I had older brother six years older. He gave me his paper license. Pretty easy. Guy his paper license. The drinking age is 18. I'm going into bars with him. He's vouching for me like yes, my brother should have
Kevin Donaldson:went to the grand saloon to get your liquor. They got good liquor. They were one of our sponsors.
Clark Fredericks:I love the grants, grants. Grants. Looks great, man.
Kevin Donaldson:You get all the liquor you want. Except there's no child molesters. You're free to go there.
Clark Fredericks:So, you know like, you know, I am a heavy drinker in high school.
Mike Failace:He goes to the bar with his brother and brother vouches for him and I have a license with the same name on it.
Kevin Donaldson:There's not the top brass working in bars. By the way, Mike, I just want to ask where do you where do you work now? We're gonna borrow? Yeah. But that makes perfect sense. It makes perfect sense. You're going to try to escape any way you can. You know, me, I had no
Clark Fredericks:coping skill. So I go into college. I went to Northeastern University up in Boston mass. I tried. This is the 80s I went to college at 84 I tried cocaine for the first time, and I absolutely fucking loved it. It made me feel strong and powerful. It took all away those insecurities that self loathing. It made me outgoing.
Kevin Donaldson:Did you ever see that new? That new real? It's out on Instagram? It's like somebody's talking to you. Yeah, my favorite type of weed was cocaine. But I would be sure if I was in your shoes, I would be shoving anything in me.
Mike Failace:self medicate? Yeah, my nose
Kevin Donaldson:mouth smoke, whatever. And I would. And you know what? If it ever came out you ever got caught with anything? If it ever came out? What people are gonna go oh, okay, I get it. I get it. How about your mother's your mother in the picture? Yes, she's still alive. Okay, your mother's still alive? What was her? Did she ever have some some suspicions? I'm sure your father talked to her?
Clark Fredericks:Yeah, you know? Sure. You know, but now like, what do you do when your kid says absolutely not. What do you what are you supposed to do? Yeah.
Mike Failace:Yeah. No, mom never happened. Okay, well if something does happen, tell me. And you've already been warned not to say anything and all that so you're not really going to open up now.
Kevin Donaldson:Now we get fast forward. You become an adult. Dennis peg is still living in Stillwater. His family is still in Stillwater. You've obviously seen him around town numerous times when you're there.
Clark Fredericks:Yeah, we'd pass each other on the road. One time I saw him in a bar.
Kevin Donaldson:Did you ever Wave to us? Yeah, like nothing happened.
Clark Fredericks:Like we're best friends really?
Kevin Donaldson:Now. You have the opportunity to do what everybody in your position wishes they can do which is take care of business.
Clark Fredericks:Yeah, Well what happened is I ran into him after work one day in a in a deli quick check deli, and I was getting a coffee and he walked in the door. He saw me. Again, no shame. Here I am a childhood rape victim with his and he yells out Hey, Clark. And I instantly go into a panic attack. Like, I'm gulping for air, My palms are sweating, my mind's spinning
Mike Failace:the whole How old are you at this point?
Clark Fredericks:When was this done like 45 now and trailing in right behind him as a young boy about the age he raped me at. And that young boy calls him the same nickname he used to insist I call him and I heard that nickname. And it just opened up. Everything I buried I had never told anyone up up to this point about what had happened to me. You know, as I said at the at the river that day, I my mind said we're not going to talk about and I did. So I hear that nickname. And I see that boy and the age I was at. And I snap and I run out of there. I get my truck ice speed out of the parking lot. I go down the road. I'm punching my steering wheel on cursing us spitting on the on my passenger floor
Kevin Donaldson:Dennis paper like what's his problem? Yeah, yeah. Like just like, yeah,
Clark Fredericks:and my life unravels. And I walk out of a family business I was in two months later. And now I have free time. I have dentists peg on the forefront of my mind and I can't shake. And the only thing I knew to do was to dive headfirst into drugs and alcohol when I you know, I posted one time on Instagram, on the amount of drugs I was doing. And somebody said, That's bullshit. Nobody's doing that much. And my friend who was know me, he responded, if anything, Clark is underestimated. I'm not here to like, I don't know how I'm still alive. You know, I'm not here to promote drug use, you know, but I I had a pain pill addiction. I herniated my back. And the doctor gave me 30 Vikon. And I ate them in three days. I'm like, I felt like Superman,
Kevin Donaldson:right? So now numb, no emotion, no pain. No nothing.
Clark Fredericks:I call him up after three days for more. And he's like, that was way too fast. I'll give you 10 more. That's it. Well, that wasn't acceptable to me. I knew people on the street for for cocaine. Weed. I just start asking around. Boom, I got I got pills coming in left and right. So so I had a pain I'm taking, you know, anywhere depending on what strength I got 10 to two dozen pain pills a day. I'm doing three to five grams of Coke a day. Instead of buying grams. Now I'm buying ounces of Coke a week. Pop in Xanax, like the tick tax because of all the coke I'm doing. So I'm taking six to 12 Xanax a day.
Kevin Donaldson:Holy shit.
Clark Fredericks:And I'm drinking That's an expensive habit. You got there while I'm selling drugs to to pay for I got Hey. And I'm drinking. I'm drinking superhuman amounts.
Mike Failace:lose an entrepreneurial?
Kevin Donaldson:Yes, yes. Yes. Yes.
Clark Fredericks:So when you want to self destruct, it's expensive to kill yourself.
Kevin Donaldson:What was the breaking point? Oh, where you go find Dennis.
Clark Fredericks:I had a business deal where I got burned for you know, a decent amount of money and I saw the guy. I saw the guy out. And this was the same day of the start of the Jerry Sandusky molestations out at Penn State. I had been on a three day Bender, I got a couple hours of sleep. I woke up did a line of coke, poured a glass of wine put on a TV and a Sandusky trial. I start like I was in my truck that day I start cursing and spitting on my bedroom floor. I go out that day, drinking and snort and all day long. I had a friend come into my house who was going to power wash the cedar siding in my house and he was dropping off the equipment that night. I run into this guy who burned me on a business deal and I had words with him. When I met my friend at the house he knew about the story with the guy who burned me on the money and I said I ran into him and he said to me that guy's got to be number one on your hit list. And before I could stop the words coming out of my mouth, you know I was getting so little sleep at this point called delirious and coked out to the bejesus you start hallucinating when you're not sleeping. I say to him actually he's number two to scumbag who raised me as a child is number one. And there it's
Kevin Donaldson:how did you just like fuck.
Clark Fredericks:With a room just stop. Like he's staring at me like you are right now. And he's like, Are you fucking for real? I'm like, yeah, he asked. me who was where's it? Where's live? One of us says let's go get whichever one of us said it, whatever. And it sounded like a fucking great idea. We he lived it. He literally lived two miles from my house. I don't know if he still lives there we drive over there. We Park halfway up the driveway, I get out. I run up the driveway. I look in his his front doors, open the screen door shut. And there he is sitting, sitting watching TV. And it was literally like seeing the devil sitting in his lair.
Mike Failace:They're just enraged. Yeah,
Clark Fredericks:I'm enraged. And I'm also going into that panic attack mode. I'm still that little 12 year old kid who got raped in that house. Before I can freeze, I go up to the screen door and I rip it open. I break the hinge off. I rip it open so hard. It's 930 at night. A person you raped as a child is standing in your doorway. And what he said next, like determine his fate to me. I mean, he casually looked over his shoulder. He didn't like plead or apologize. Or say oh my god, you know, I always he casually looked over his shoulder. He's like, Hey, how are you? I go hey, how am I motherfucker. Let me show you how to fuck I am Dennis. And I fucking rushed across this room. And a violent struggle ensues. I have a knife in my hand. He's punching me, I'm stabbing at him. At one point I put the knife right through my head. Eventually, he falls to the ground and kneel down in front of them. And I say it's not so fun raping little boys now is it Dennis and I slit his throat and it's over. Before I left the house. I walked to the bedroom where he raped me at and I spit on the bed. And then I walked out
Mike Failace:who's gonna say you're gonna spit or piss on that bed or something?
Clark Fredericks:And people ask me, how did you feel like did that? Like relieve everything? I'm like, Are you fucking kidding me?
Kevin Donaldson:I gotta I gotta tell you something, man. I'm so I'm really sorry about this buddy. Like, guy. I don't know what else to say to you. Like, I'm really fucking sorry that this happened to you.
Clark Fredericks:And it's not like that, that took away everything. You know, it was horrific. You know? You're in a hand to hand combat. And it was a fight to the death. And yeah, I killed an animal. But it didn't like take everything away
Mike Failace:from me. Just never gonna raise the memories.
Kevin Donaldson:You know? You spit on the bed. What's the police do you wait for the police to come? Are you run
Clark Fredericks:now now we left went home but I knew the injury was going to be my my you know, downfall gotta go to hospital. I didn't go to the hospital. But you know, I had my mother was up from Florida. And I knew my life was over. And I just felt I write it wrong for a whole bunch of people.
Kevin Donaldson:Is your life over? Is it just beginning?
Clark Fredericks:The life I had been living died. Right there with Dennis back. That's how I see that life died. I don't know life was over
Kevin Donaldson:Murder. Murder is an awful thing. Not this time, brother. I'm gonna tell you right now. Not this time.
Mike Failace:I'm gonna say justified.
Kevin Donaldson:So the injury to your hand leads the police to come.
Clark Fredericks:But through through it. It was family members that you know that that? You know, ended up. That's how they got to me, your family or his mind? Yeah, I had told my mother my mother told my sister My sister told her therapist the therapist is like, maybe he's not dead. But we're
Mike Failace:had to be all over town at this point. You're one of the most respected guys in town. Well,
Clark Fredericks:you know, years nobody's gone to the house yet. Nobody knew this is the next day. And I you know, I wake up and I go out my mind told me like, you know, I instantly like Holy fuck, what did you do last night? What the fuck did you do? Your and I'm like, you know, my hands all fucked up. I severed all ligands ligaments and tendons. It's, it's like that. And I'm like, What are we going to do? And my mind said, let's get some drugs and alcohol on our system. We'll be able to come up with a plan. And I'm like, I agree. I yell out to my empty room. I pot I possibly a great idea. I pop a bunch of Xanax I go out I pour a glass of wine. I look out and there's at least a dozen cop cars up and down the road. I'm like, You gotta be fucking kidding me already. And
Kevin Donaldson:Uh, no fight. No struggle.
Clark Fredericks:No, no, I drink two glasses of wine. He ordered me out of the house. And as I'm walking to my front door, you'll like this one I had see I, let's let's have a little levity for a second.
Mike Failace:I wasn't gonna bring it up this guy.
Clark Fredericks:I had seen a friend from high school in a bar, like a month earlier. And he's in the state police. And he said, Hey, you know, come out to my car. I got a bunch of hats and shirts. He goes, take it take some. So I took some state police shirts and hat. So before I walked out to the room, before I walked out the front door, I go to my room. And I find the state police shirt. I'm like, Yeah, this should get me out of this. And I'm like,
Mike Failace:Oh, the PBA cards you have.
Clark Fredericks:You know, I got I got a family member Gold Card. Yeah. And the guy who gave it to me, he's like, Look, dude, this should get you out of anything. But murder.
Kevin Donaldson:Boy, was he right about one fucking thing that I choose to do?
Clark Fredericks:Did he give me the next one? From that gold card
Mike Failace:to platinum card? Murder.
Kevin Donaldson:Dennis Pegg seems to be pretty well known for doing this. Yeah. Everybody knows. They knew. So how did the police treat you? All
Clark Fredericks:right. So I get arrested. I'm taken to the state police barracks. A lieutenant walks in his first words out of his mouth that are I got to apologize to you. I'm like, apologize for what bro? Me goes. I've known about the scumbag for a long, long time. He has I could never build a criminal case against him. Based on rumors. All I had was rumors. He goes, You need cold hard facts and you need victims. Whatever he did to you victims to shut you guys up, prevented me from arresting him. And I apologized to you. And I apologize where? Whatever horror you went through. And then he walked out. And I sat at first I was like, wow, that was pretty cool. And then I just got fuming mad. I'm like, I got I just flushed my fucking life away. And everybody in this fucking town knew what this guy was doing. And nobody stopped this animal. I had to be the one to stop them and piss my life away. That's crazy. This guy comes back in later on. And he's like, look, bro, my detectives are waiting in the next row with prosecutor detectives to interrogate you. You're in deep shit right now. If you go into that room and open your mouth, you're gonna fucking sink your ship. I'm telling you, I want you to exercise your fifth amendment rights. And keep your mouth shut and request the lawyer. Whatever they asked you. You just say I want a lawyer. He goes, You understand me? He asked me three times if I understood because he said he walked back in that room. And he could tell I mailed in it. He could tell that I had given up on life. And he didn't want my life to be over. And he did that for me. And without him doing that. Just snapping me back into reality. I might have gone in there and just talk. Yeah, sensory was your guardian angel. Yeah. And I went into that room. I was literally in there for 30 seconds. I'm like I requested a lawyer. They're like, Is this really how you want to play it out? Like Yep. And that was it.
Kevin Donaldson:And it was done. So the trial goes to what was your play? Yeah, I
Clark Fredericks:sat in a county jail for three and a half years. And then they finally offered me a plea deal. You know, enough victims came forward. The prosecutor said he was running a dual investigation, one against me and one against what Dennis Pegg had been doing for decades.
Mike Failace:What the foxes sent to that investigation. I can't prosecute anybody. Yeah.
Clark Fredericks:Yeah. But but to lower my charges. Okay. All right. Yeah. Like they're investigating him and coming up with enough dirt to be like, you know, are we you know, one thing that happened, they kept me in a suicide cell for the force. first four weeks, I was in there. And they had me in the right spot, you know, but the third day I was in there, a guard I knew from the streets came in, and he's like, bro, how you doing? I'm like, fucking shitty, bro. I'm in prison. I'm done.
Mike Failace:Now. Were you in the jail. We're Dennis
Clark Fredericks:Pegg worked his whole career. I'm in that jail. I'm thinking these guys are gonna beat me to death. And one by one guys are coming into suicide sell saying, Keep your mouth shut. let this play out. I'm hearing a lot of shit about this guy. I didn't know. You know, just don't. Don't talk to anybody. This guy comes in that I know. And he's like, do you know what's going on in the community? I'm like, No, he goes somebody's already started a free Clark campaign. He goes there's bumper stickers everywhere. On cars everywhere already. He does there. People are wearing shirts hats. The prosecutor said in court one time, Your Honor. I don't think I can get a fair trial everywhere I look. There's a car with a free Clark sticker on it. So people want to know why this animal was still walking the streets. They didn't. They didn't want to know why I did what I did. They knew what I did it. They wanted to know why he wasn't locked up.
Mike Failace:Yeah, exactly. And why nobody took the fucking horns and ran with it and pushed to have this guy locked up. They knew what was going on. Right?
Clark Fredericks:There's a guard who reached out to me, who said on her very first day on the job at the jail when Dennis was still working. Her fellow workers said to her, Oh, he was a sergeant at the time. Sergeant peg likes little boys. This is her first day on the job. It's like they all fucking knew. So
Kevin Donaldson:that I don't, that might that might make it worse for me that people knew. Yeah, was it makes it balls to say anything, but I'm sure
Mike Failace:he didn't steal the fear into everybody. Everybody know what I'm saying? people that knew if if they had an inkling, he probably instilled some fear.
Clark Fredericks:It's like the Catholic priests. There's everybody working in the church organization whose
Kevin Donaldson:there was no, there was seven of them in my high school that were pedophiles. Yeah. And I always said like, why didn't you touch me, man? What am I not attractive?
Clark Fredericks:Hey, listen, you were a late bloomer. I wasn't I wasn't attractive enough. But yeah, some of them. Some people were like this, they would
Kevin Donaldson:just move on. And they would move the priests who did it not the not the smash on the Catholic Church. But years ago, in the 60s and 70s, they would move the priests to the schools and out of the parishes, which is retarded or stupid. It's really just stupid to do that. You're putting them around kids. You're putting them around kids, right? Why would you do that? Why would you do that? Now,
Clark Fredericks:so I take a plea to second degree manslaughter. And the judge gives me the minimum five years, and he apologizes on the record for having to send me to prison for a single
Mike Failace:what had to be passionate provocation also isn't? Yeah, you know, it
Clark Fredericks:had never been used 30 years after usually passion provocation, as you walk in, you know, bang and your wife, you know, this is 30 years after the fact. But there's fourth criteria to passion provocation, and I did fit into each one, you know,
Kevin Donaldson:well, you did your time and you said you found therapy in prison finally,
Clark Fredericks:finally got therapy in prison. And how did that start to release some of the demons? Yeah, well, I, I never talked about like going into prison. The only one I talked to was my lawyer about what happened. And that's not that's not really therapy that's just reciting. So I start therapy. My second one on one with her. She goes, Hey, I run a group therapy class in the prison for childhood trauma. She goes, would you join that? And I said, Sure. And I'm in there with blood gang members, Latin King, gang members, Muslims, Christians. Some had been molested, some just had childhoods that are completely off the charts. And we're all telling our story. We're crying in front of each other. We're hugging each other. And we're healing and that that group therapy thing was the biggest healer,
Kevin Donaldson:Mike and I are well versed in group therapy and the benefits of group therapy. People don't realize it because what happens is, you're amongst people of all different types. There is no color, there is no sexual orientation. There is no middle aged gay guys. And there, there is no religion. It's an level it's a total level playing field. Right? And you're all you all know, yeah, he's doing this is what's happening to him. And he this is how he's feeling you. It's like, you know, and that's the benefit of group therapy. And I'm such a huge believer in and that's what we do here at suffering podcast. It's a giant piece of group therapy. Now you do I'm sure
Mike Failace:there's people from that group that you still talk to you today.
Clark Fredericks:know if they're out Yeah, most most. We're doing long, long bins. Yeah.
Kevin Donaldson:Now you get out your first taste of freedom. What was that like?
Clark Fredericks:Right to a diner, you know, Belleville diner. Get some get some decent food. Yeah. And then, you know, I had no clothes. You know, what I walked out with? Was it. So we went to Kohl's and my niece took me on a shopping spree. And I was so like, when you when you get out of prison, you know, you're so out of sorts. I was afraid. I'm like, I gotta go to the bathroom so bad and cold. And I'm like, I go to her where's the bathroom? And she's like, down there. And I'm like, You got to walk me there. She's like a real she. She could take anybody here. I can't walk by myself. You know, I've become institutional, comfortable. So she had to walk me to the bathroom. And a friend wanted to have a big party for me when I got I'm like, Fuck no, bro. And I just I avoided people for a while.
Mike Failace:They added two people from town treat you when they saw you, or did your shelter for a while.
Clark Fredericks:Yeah, I mean, I laid low. But I went back to Stillwater and I was I was nervous about going back that
Mike Failace:people would be Oh, that's the guy. That's the guy that's
Clark Fredericks:and instead none of that happened. It was all love. It was all power. Jeez, people all throughout the community gave me money to get back on my feet. That's a beautiful way to buy a car.
Kevin Donaldson:That's a beautiful, beautiful thing, you know what they were doing to with some of these people who, especially who knew they were buying themselves out again in mind
Mike Failace:themselves out of guilt and exactly, you
Clark Fredericks:know what, when I, when I read my allocution statement, when I accepted my plea deal, I got a standing ovation. And what I've said is, I think there was communal guilt, you know, it's a Nazi term communal guilt. And I think the town had communal guilt, about knowing what this animal was doing. And they released it that day, you know, like, applauding me, you know, they weren't applauding that I murdered. They were applauding that I found my voice and I finally spoke up, you know, for the first time
Mike Failace:on behalf of plenty of other victims who didn't have the balls to actually step up you were that you were the face of, of redemption of revenge.
Kevin Donaldson:Now, you go out and do some speaking engagements now. Yeah, you're telling your story, because it's important.
Clark Fredericks:You know, I decided to get baptized. When I got out. My second month out, I went and got baptized. And I got baptized in a tub made by New Jersey prisoners. You know, it was fitting, and I had to read a testimony was a big church and I probably 500 people in the audience. And I read a testimony while I was getting baptized, I gave a quick little synopsis. And there was a girl from this place Jenny's house, it's for abused children. She was in the audience. And she reached out to me and she said, April is sexual assault awareness month I'm presenting at centenary College, would you like to be my guest speaker? Here, I'm not even at a prison, you know, a couple months, and I'm getting a speaking gig at a university. I'm like, hell yeah. From there, you know, I wanted selfishly, I wanted to sue the Boy Scouts. I went to, you know, one of the high powered law firms in New York. And the guy read me the law. And he goes, You Have you have you can't file a lawsuit. The law stated you have from age 18 to 20. To file a lawsuit, you get raped at 12. I gotta come forward to 18 Are you out of your mind? Or or two years, from the time of awareness of what happened to you is adversely affecting your life. I'm like, What the hell's that mean? He's like, That's legalese, for your fucked.
Mike Failace:They change the statute of limitations down on rape and all that, right.
Clark Fredericks:Yeah. So he says to me, he goes, there's advocates who have been working for 15 years to change statute limitations law. I think it'd be healthy for you to join up with them. And who knows, maybe something crazy, like your story will hold some weight and get the law finally changed. I'm like, yep, fuck it. Let's do it. So I went in selfishly, and then it became unselfish. Look
Kevin Donaldson:at how many kids that you've helped by doing what you're doing. Yeah, the sad part is, is it's awful what you went through to do what you're doing now, just like that getting that law change. So that doesn't happen again. I hate to say this, but it was almost necessary the wrong word.
Clark Fredericks:You know what? Yeah, it was it. You know, what I'm saying was though, now if what happened to me, I lead a life. Without direction. I was just running from my pain. I now have direction and I lead a selfish life. I lead a destructive life. And now I have a life of giving back and helping others
Kevin Donaldson:you. That's why we started this podcast for Exactly exactly. Like you. You took your pain. You repurposed it and you put it back out in the world for good.
Clark Fredericks:If I didn't, I probably go back to the old Clarke. Yeah. Like I can't sit on my couch with a remote control in my hands watching TV and be like, I'm healed. I'm all better. I gotta help the next if
Kevin Donaldson:you're all better you if you were to tell me hey, I'm healed. I'm all better so you foolish shit. Ever Happened? Never be you'll never be totally here. Now, they weren't. So where can we find you?
Clark Fredericks:I use my name. I don't go by anything slick. Just Clark, Frederick's I mean, I'm on all the major, you know, social media things, but primarily Instagram and Facebook. Alright, so we'll put some links in I haven't I have a website, click Frederick's dot com. Alright, we'll put that link in there. As you go on there. I've got a five and a half minute video. professionally done. That'll sum up my whole story, you know,
Mike Failace:took us an hour to sum up your story. And we're still not
Kevin Donaldson:I could sit here and talk about this. But it would there would be some there would be a lot of disgust coming out of my mouth. And I'm trying to hold that. Yeah. be somewhat neutral. You've gone through one of the pieces of ultimate suffering that we've experienced only two times like there's there's a lot of suffering out there. Don't get me wrong, but there's some really like super super suffering and I think this is one of them. You've gone through all this stuff. What do you think it's taught you?
Clark Fredericks:Yeah, Now, the molestation rape wasn't what destroyed my life that the silence was. And breaking your silence is is the first step of healing. It's not the only like I've had, I had a good friend, he was a real tough dude motorcyclists one percenter who in and out of prison his whole life, he finally broke his silence to me and said, I was molested as a kid till he never followed it up with any, any other help. And he went right back to drugs, and he committed suicide. And that really hurt. So So breaking your silence? You know, is the is the utmost thing you have to do. But then you got to follow it up, you know, I had to I had to allow God into my life. I went through life angry at God, like, you know, like,
Mike Failace:How'd you let this happen to me? Yeah, you know, at
Clark Fredericks:12 years old, and you're getting raped, you know, you want that that lightning bolt to come down to strike this piece of shit dead, you know, and it didn't happen. And fortunately, God doesn't work that yeah, you know. So I was able to mend the fence with God, let's say and create a spiritual relationship, you know, and that was part of my healing. And, you know, helping you really you really start healing when you helps the next person heal. You know, that's, it's all about. That's what, like, I can't tell you how many private messages I've gotten of people who open up to me, and I've always respond, it may take me some time. You know, like, when I do something so big. Yeah, yeah. So
Kevin Donaldson:before we go, and we're about to wrap up here, I want to I want to tell everybody, the serendipitous nature of how Clark and I connected. So I did a podcast and I got lots of comments on that.
Clark Fredericks:When I commented you had like, 2500, right. So read it. Yeah.
Kevin Donaldson:So there's a lot of comments on there. And I see a picture. And it says something like a from a fellow Jersey guy, blah, blah, blah. And I just clicked on your, on your YouTube channel. And you got like, three, four videos out there. You don't have much on there. And I go, I noticed guy, I know who this guy is because I read that story. I read it went ahead. And I reached out to you. I said, Hey, find me. Find me on Instagram and let's connect.
Clark Fredericks:And I go to my girlfriend. I'm like, he couldn't he can't be Googling 2500 names like what the hell how's he want me to connect with for
Kevin Donaldson:whatever reason, right? For whatever reason, you'll call it whatever you want God's plan, serendipity. Coincidence. I saw your picture.
Clark Fredericks:And you said that the name like I know that name.
Kevin Donaldson:I clicked on No, you know, I can't say I knew the name. But you said you're from Jersey. But I saw the picture and something made me click on it to look at your channel and and I on that particular show. I didn't really check out other people's YouTube channels. Like, there's just too many of them. I clicked on yours. And we connect, and you were here to tell one of the most courageous, horrifying stories I've ever heard in my life. gut wrenching. This was this was incredible brother, like seriously incredible. And I know you've heard this plenty of times that you're so courageous and everything. No, you're the fucking strongest man that I've think I've met in a very, very, very long time. And I got my hat's off to you.
Clark Fredericks:You know, it's not just doing what I did and surviving what I survived. It's then what? What am I doing with my life? Now, you know, and I just signed a deal with Simon and Schuster for a book, you know, they want they want the finished manuscript, October of 23.
Kevin Donaldson:When that comes out, make sure you come on back without a doubt. Absolutely. Once you're here, your family.
Clark Fredericks:Yeah, Clark, I
Mike Failace:gotta tell you, I mean, that is, like I said, a terrible story. You're a great guy. You're a strong guy. I give you a lot of credit for what you did next month. And I think there's a lot of people that are gonna learn from what you because you like Kevin said before you did what everybody wants to do. Y'all hear on your story, I want to go up and kill the fucking guy.
Kevin Donaldson:But if you talk to the people who are watching, if you know of anybody, if you have an inkling of anybody and you don't know who to reach out to, I'm sure you have resources now or you have resources reach out to Clark on Instagram via private message or reach out to us and we'll get the message to Clark somehow I want to thank you so much for coming in here. My pleasure. This was something else so that's gonna do it for this episode of the suffering pockets and as always, let's think about what we learned today. There are no little secrets with kids crimes against children are completely unforgivable. This is all got to end this is all got to end silence is destructive but most importantly out of the darkness Clark Frederick's I'm so grateful for you brother and then men all right and that's gonna do for this episode of the suffering podcast the suffering of her revenge with Clark Frederick's follow us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Follow Mike at Mike underscore Falaise. Follow me real Kevin Donaldson and of course follow the suffering podcast and We will see you on the next episode
