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Amanda Coleman is one of the rare individuals in this world that has taken her suffering and re-purposed it sending it back out into the world to give those around her a better life than she could’ve possibly dreamed or imagined as a child. Growing up in Dublin Ireland, Amanda has experienced a myriad of tragic events that are too numerous and horrible to mention. As one trauma seem to end, another begins. This episode will touch your heart and your soul by one of the truly great people that we are fortunate enough to have in this world.
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This is gonna hurt. It's time for the sufferings podcast podcast. A good heart and a solid soul is a rare thing. In an increasingly narcissistic and self centered society, where everybody is looking out for number one, there are a group of people committed and dedicated to the service of others. In order to have a heart that gives until it bleeds, you must first experience suffering, traveling down that same road as those you're attempting to assist, looking at the world through their eyes, and listening with sympathetic ears. These angels are all around us, but are always in short supply. They are the undercover superheroes of a modern world. In times of confusion, they show up. They just appear. I'm Kevin Donaldson here with Mike Felice. And on this episode of the suffering podcast, we go international. We welcome Amanda Coleman all the way from Ireland to sit down with us and discuss the suffering of Irish Angel. Now, we're going to Ireland and do this. So that's our next remote podcast. Now Amanda has walked through the darkness and she chose to change her life. And now helps others. Amanda, thank you so much for coming in. Is it probably a hard swim getting over here?
Mike Failace:A week, I was driving over that water.
Kevin Donaldson:So it's a hard paddle. But thank you so much. It means a lot to us to come in. I know you're this international superstar, and you chose to come all this way just to sit down with us. Sorry.
Amanda Coleman:That's what I'd be sent.
Mike Failace:There's nothing else to see.
Kevin Donaldson:It stays. But oh, New Jersey is the best place to go. If you're coming to the states, you gotta go to New Jersey. It's huge. In New Jersey, New Jersey.
Mike Failace:Oh, you can get from one side of New Jersey, top to bottom and
Kevin Donaldson:two and a half hours, two hours, 45 minutes. But you can go east to west in an hour and 15
Amanda Coleman:give up when you think about Ireland's like nearly two and a half hours from Dublin, which is on the east side to the west side in like two and a half hours. Like it's ridiculous. So when you say that, like New Jersey is basically doubling and carving
Mike Failace:it just harder to get around New Jersey. Yeah, because a half hour trip could sometimes take two hours,
Kevin Donaldson:you need to drive in the Midwest. So the Midwest, there is nothing you go over a little hill. I mean, there's not even trees, you go over a little hill and you see for miles you see tornadoes taken up Dorothy's house in the distance. And there is nothing and it's just a straight road. Try to stay focused on that for five hours. You don't see anybody you don't see another car. That's the Midwest. So New Jersey is nothing for me.
Mike Failace:When we put that in Florida, Florida we were when I when I had to drive all the way across.
Kevin Donaldson:So the story with Florida Amanda is is we drove we were doing shows down there and we drove across the state from Tampa to West Palm, and we didn't leave until about midnight. You right? So it's it's we're tired. We flew. It was awful. The last five minutes before we get to our Airbnb, he says, Hey, Kevin, let me drive. Five minutes. But before we get into any of these great stories, we take a message or we take a question every week from our audience and social media question. This one comes from Stanley. And Stanley writes, what is holding you back and you can't see yourself because that's just way too easy. That's too that's low hanging fruit. So you got to think of something as if you were going to be able to do anything in your life, anything in the world that you ever wanted to do. Why aren't you doing it?
Amanda Coleman:Because we as I said earlier on the government, the government Yeah,
Kevin Donaldson:yeah. They said they tend to put a lot of restrictions on people they
Amanda Coleman:there, they do know it's it's it's not that it's like if you want to do things, right? You want to come over say for instance, me coming over here because I do what I do. And it's extremely difficult when you want to do it right? Well, we
Kevin Donaldson:were afraid the IRAs coming over here watch
Mike Failace:and that'll do it for this.
Kevin Donaldson:By the way, we support. Mike, what do you think?
Mike Failace:Probably my height?
Kevin Donaldson:Well, that's a valid it's a human genetics in general.
Mike Failace:I always like I said, I always want to be a football player, professional football player. And I was never tall enough. I was never
Kevin Donaldson:talented in talent.
Amanda Coleman:Yeah, I vertically challenged Yeah. I gotta
Mike Failace:wait. It's gonna suck you both follically challenged.
Kevin Donaldson:From me, the only thing holding me back, I used to I used to think when I was younger was a lot a lot of different things with financial or it was my lot in life or whatever it is. Now, the only thing I see holding me back from doing real things that I want to do is time. Because time is the one thing that you're you know, you're not getting any more of it. Yeah, it's not going to regenerate. You know, with doctors and stuff you get in a little bit more. But you know, your expiration date is you Your expiration date.
Amanda Coleman:And that's coming fast. The older you get faster, faster and faster.
Mike Failace:Follow time never stopped. Now,
Kevin Donaldson:we have this finite time. It's not even you don't even know it's it's a guessing game. Nobody knows when they're gonna die. And if I don't think you'd want to know, even if you could, but you gotta get in as much. You know who? Heather? Heather Yeah, she said she know. But how are we going to know? How are we going to know if she knew? That's the thing. How are we going to know she's a medium? She? She said she knows. But not that I disbelieve her. But it's that it's that one of those guessing games, you better get it all out now. Because tomorrow could change. living every day to the fullest type of mentality.
Mike Failace:Live your life like it's fourth and gold. Yeah, that's,
Kevin Donaldson:that's good. That's it. I like that one. I'm going to come to my kids.
Amanda Coleman:You just don't realize that when you're younger, you know, time you think you've got all the time in the world, right? And then it's just when as soon as you're older, it's gone. And it seems
Mike Failace:you go to bed one night and you wake up and you're old. It's insane. It's so unbelievable. Especially, you know, the older you get the faster time goes, exactly. It seems like this this summer. It seems like last week, you know, I went up to one of the teachers in the school, I work and I said, Hey, you know, what are you doing for this? You know, what are you doing this summer, you're gonna make plans. Now we're sitting, we're back in school already. It was like last week, I just I asked her a question.
Kevin Donaldson:So you remember that movie? The Crow? Yes, there was something there was a there was a phrase in there that always hit home and I'll never forget it. As long as I live with the bad guy, the super bad guy. He said, the moment you're you know, you're gonna die is when you stop being a child. And that's that. Isn't that the truth? It is the truth? Yeah. Isn't that the truth? So Stanley, thank you so much for sending that one and keep sending your questions and we'll try to get them on the air. We're not
Mike Failace:always gonna be young. But you don't always have to grow up. I'm so
Kevin Donaldson:I haven't grown up at all. Before we go any further, let's give a shout out to our sponsors. Go to Toyota hackensack.com. We buy our cars from Toyota because we trust them and we don't trust many people. So go to Toyota hackensack.com. Let them find you a car. And while you're driving home and your brand new Toyota, check out frontline cigars go to frontline cigars.com, put in the code tsp for 15% discount. And please support our sponsors. They help us put on this show. They help us bring people to the table like Amanda, to give us a little window into who they are, what they went through, and some of the perspective they're going to give us. So Amanda, I'm going to ask you one of the most difficult questions that you're going to be asked on this show. And that's tell our audience about yourself.
Amanda Coleman:As you know, I'm from Ireland. I have
Mike Failace:couldn't tell the accent. I thought you're from South Jersey. Yeah.
Amanda Coleman:Well, maybe some parts in New York.
Kevin Donaldson:Maybe maybe but you could change that into a Boston accent. I call it you could change anything I call it you got to hold do you get to hold euros a little bit
Amanda Coleman:more? I'm around because some of my team is from Boston. The more I'm around them the more I'm talking like
Kevin Donaldson:a bunch of coops. Tom Brady. Oh, you got to do is get Mark Wahlberg from Ted and you got it down. I love it. It's well, it's an Irish city. Yeah. So it makes perfect sense that but it's sometimes it's a little difficult to listen to. It's a little tough. It's a little tough for me to listen to, especially when you're a Yankee fan, especially when you listen to Kevin Kearns all day. Our former guests, Kevin Kearns picked you up from the airport. So we want to give a shout out to him go to burned with Kearns and we thank him for bringing you to us and his book that we have displayed. Absolutely always pick last. That's why we got it in the back because it was pick last we're becoming quite the collectors of authors. We've got Charlie Steph rally, which, if you're an animal lover, you got to check out 14 Second. So it's about Star The New York people and you got to look that one up. And he wrote his his wonderful girlfriend Jen wrote on a star which is a children's book, because Star was shot in the eye. So although it looks different, you're really not different. That's what the theory behind that is miracles of Manhattan by Pastor Ron Lewis. And then all the way in the back is the grid system by Professor Teresa Agustin le. Sol. We make sure everybody's where's your book, where you book one day, one day, one day,
Mike Failace:and that's when we'll have you back to that's when we go to Ireland and Ireland a promoter book. Yes, deal.
Amanda Coleman:Everybody says that to me. When we're coming to do this event in Ireland. I'm like, I know.
Kevin Donaldson:Well, maybe sooner than you think. So tell our audience a little bit about yourself.
Mike Failace:Yeah, so I've stopped skirting the question,
Amanda Coleman:ya know, I'm a mom of three have three kids. Two girls, they're all grown up now. They all live at home of course. And and a boy that's 14. So yeah, they keep me busy. But I was a hairdresser for 22 years in Ireland. So this is a complete turnaround of my life. Basically, I never expected To be over here, doing the work that I do right now, you know, so it's,
Mike Failace:we don't get many hairdressers from Ireland coming in to do a podcast, you know, you may be our first,
Amanda Coleman:you may be our first that there's nothing I can do for you hope is gone. So what do
Kevin Donaldson:you do? What do you do with?
Mike Failace:Keep chiming in.
Amanda Coleman:I know my time is just
Kevin Donaldson:say, what do you do with all that red frizzy hair that is
Amanda Coleman:known? Do you know right in Ireland, right? Well, that's a mutation. But like they're, they have festivals now to try and get redheaded people to mate with redheaded people because the redheads are it's a dying breed now, as opposed
Kevin Donaldson:to the United States where they actually have a day called Kika ginger day.
Mike Failace:See, I may go to Ireland and paint my head red go to one and see if I could meet a nice Irish girl look
Kevin Donaldson:like Groundskeeper Willie from The Simpsons. But what drove you to being a hairdresser was that just
Amanda Coleman:I just wanted to do it from being so young my cousin was a hairdresser and I kind of looked up to her and then I just started to play with dolls hairs and it just kind of grew from there like you know and did you enjoy it? I loved it. I loved
Kevin Donaldson:touching people's dirty hair all day. I don't think I don't know if I could do it. I really don't know if I can do it. And I was I cut my
Amanda Coleman:hair you could torture fairness
Mike Failace:was Kevin was younger and used to play with dolls he'd never cut their hair. Like Kevin went to close the you know the clothing industry.
Kevin Donaldson:They were action figures right? Action Figures was Barbie and action
Mike Failace:I used to put her legs throw cat on top.
Kevin Donaldson:At least I played with Barbie and not Ken. Well,
Mike Failace:listen, when I was younger I wanted to Susie Homemaker was a little home kitchen set. My father would never get it for me. I know it is Chef by knowing your
Kevin Donaldson:father. I don't think that's possible. So what explain to us like your what you do, like, I'm not that familiar with it. And I see I've seen The Quiet Man. So that's pretty much my knowledge of Ireland. And it doesn't look like there's a whole lot of things to do in Ireland, but I'm gonna shoot I'm assuming now it's more metropolitan. It's the quiet man
Amanda Coleman:has actually nothing like earnings in fairness. It really isn't like I know it's a lovely story and everybody you know, relates to whatever. But it actually isn't, I suppose years and years ago, maybe it was. I mean, it's it's so far from the truth. You know,
Kevin Donaldson:full Irish hooligans. Now full
Amanda Coleman:McGregor's walk around everywhere. Soccer hooligans.
Kevin Donaldson:That's why he's, so he's both a good role model for the Irish and a bad role model because, you know, he has some bad behaviors. He's, he's a fighter now. I mean, what do you really expect a fighter? You know, when Mike Tyson got into all his troubles here? Would you really expect that he was gonna go out and be this great orator? Who knew that that was going to happen? Because it seems to have happened, but yeah. So but I know he's, he's very, very patriotic when it comes to his home country. Yeah. You don't know him? The Irish people don't know each other. Okay, so that's next myth. Just
Mike Failace:not all related, either. No. Wow.
Amanda Coleman:That's debatable.
Kevin Donaldson:So the question I have about Ireland is, is there still the big I don't want to say war. But this taste between the Protestant and Catholic
Amanda Coleman:there is what not down south, and it tends to be open. Like where the troubles was, even when the troubles was on. The South was never really affected by that, well, they were years ago when a bomb, you know, years and years ago, and then the peace process came in and even before that, the South was never really affected. So it was kind of even though it was only two hours of the road. It was it was like a different world to us, you know. And it was the same with the UK, like my ex husband was from England. And he knew nothing about what was going on over and over and over. He
Kevin Donaldson:went married ally me,
Amanda Coleman:I did for me,
Kevin Donaldson:see, I'm gonna I'm gonna throw all the all the good terms out there.
Mike Failace:But so the whole women derogatory terms.
Kevin Donaldson:So the whole reason I am in America, the whole reason that my family is in America, is because my great grandmother was Catholic, and my great grandfather was Protestant. So the old man dies in 1928. And he they had one hobby because they had nine kids. One hobby that were all born two years apart in November in December, and they had one upset was born in March three years apart. But when the old man died in 28, any kid that was, I think, 12 and under was converted to Catholicism, anybody 13 and older, stayed Protestant. So half my family is split, right between Catholic and Protestant. It's a it's a really weird dynamic. I was told that when I was a little kid, and I couldn't wrap my head around it
Mike Failace:and great holiday dinners. And you know, opposite sides of the table, you know, mashed potatoes and beer to each other.
Kevin Donaldson:You know, the funny thing is, is they never argued about religion, politics. So the Catholics were one way in the in the Protestants were another way. Holy cow. I remember my Aunt Sally saying, if Jesus Christ was this political party, I wouldn't vote for him. That's what she said, I'm not lying. I heard it, I heard it. So you're here, you're not here, because you're a pretty blonde. You're just you're here for a reason, because you got one hell of a story. And you started getting into it. And I said, this is gonna give me nightmares. This is really going to give me nightmares. And it kind of segues into your current life. I know you have one of the most horrifying suffering stories and we've heard a lot of them on here. So once you give us a little window into that
Amanda Coleman:window, I don't even know where to start because it's so long started conception
Kevin Donaldson:when you were swimming there was
Mike Failace:my mother and my father were together this one night. Yeah. Nine Months
Amanda Coleman:went by and come
Kevin Donaldson:see what movies make it over? So in order to come in here, you really gotta you really gotta be well versed in Will Ferrell movies. Okay, so Will Ferrell movies, we will quote him quite frequently, especially Ricky Bobby. Where you Bobby's the best.
Mike Failace:So shocking bank?
Kevin Donaldson:Aye. Aye. Aye have this again, I have this, this conception of Ireland in my head, but it's mostly because my my fat I still have family over there. And they show me pictures of Belfast and it's not the nicest area and but that's that's like my conception of Ireland. And I know what it's not the case. Yeah, I know. That's not the case. Because I know there's there's a lot of beauty there as well.
Amanda Coleman:Oh, it's gorgeous. It's part of it's beautiful, like, but the funny thing is like when you go like I said, it's only two hours from Dublin where I live. But if you go into Belfast, it's very English, the architecture everything. And don't get me wrong, this part of are down south in Ireland, because we were ruled by English law for under two years. But the buildings wouldn't be as they are from Belfast. It's really dark.
Kevin Donaldson:That's what that's that's my consumption because the way it was explained to me is there's not a lot of economic opportunity.
Amanda Coleman:Yeah, there isn't. Yeah, there isn't. It's getting better though. In fairness, it is getting better at like, I was up there before COVID. I haven't been up there since. And you have like the Titanic Museum. That's unreal. That's beautiful.
Kevin Donaldson:Oh, that's right. It was built. It was built to build Belfast. That's right. I forgot about that. It's why you never trust Irish build?
Amanda Coleman:Excuse me? Was it an English man? Or was it an Irish man?
Kevin Donaldson:Or an Irish? Northern Irish builders? You never trust this?
Mike Failace:Would have been the old Titanic.
Kevin Donaldson:So you were you were born? I don't know if you want to give the year. But you were you were obviously born when we born 75 years? Oh, you gave the year you didn't have to give
Mike Failace:them an old fossil. I'm still the oldest one in the room.
Amanda Coleman:I said, you have to own it.
Kevin Donaldson:I set it up that way. So you're always the oldest one in the room. So you're young childhood, how was that?
Amanda Coleman:My very first memory was when I I think I want to say it was about one and a half, two and a half. Now one and a half or two, sorry. My mom and dad. I had an older brother. He was two years old. And I was and my mom was in a very abusive marriage. My father used to beat the living hell out whatever. And you remember that? I don't remember all of that. I remember. It's it's weird what you remember. Like I remember what I had on like a red cardigan that always sticks in my mind and crying. And the babysitter being in the room. She was packing, packing my bag and it was only years years later, when I was talking to my mom about it. She was like, that actually happened. She says the babysitter was there that day when we were packing the bags to go you know? So it's weird. Like you know, you wouldn't think you would have that memory what I do I remember it well, you know, but um yeah, she was in a very abusive marriage and Ireland in those days you could not leave your your husband. It was not the done thing you were shone upon it. You weren't like the black sheep of the family. You just couldn't you have to stick it out. So she did she left for about a week may not send her back. And she's much shame brought to the family you know, so she went back and then one day my father commanded true my brother who was you would have been possibly gone on for against the wall. And she knew that was it she had to get out.
Kevin Donaldson:What When did you ever find out the source of this anger coming out of your father
Mike Failace:No. Was your big drinker?
Amanda Coleman:Yes. From what I gather, but everyone kind of was then and it was nearly it wasn't necessarily
Mike Failace:a stereotype and
Amanda Coleman:are different now. But I mean, it's it's, it's a weird one, it was nearly like it was fashionable to beat your wife. You know, that's how it was years ago in Ireland. It was just, it was fashionable to be your wife. But it was how much lb would how much powder would you take?
Kevin Donaldson:Was it like to put them in line type of thing? Yes. Yeah.
Mike Failace:Yeah. So it was like caveman days. Yeah, that's
Kevin Donaldson:pretty much. That's a little. And that's not that long. 1975 is not that long ago. You know, that's really not that long ago. Yeah. I mean, if you were to say, if you would have said, Okay, 1800s that was the thing. Not still not acceptable, but a little bit more understandable. Yeah. Yeah. But 75 I mean, coming into the modern era there. Yeah.
Amanda Coleman:Yeah. But it was, like I said, like, it didn't go on. Not everybody did. But um, yeah, you would get a quite a lot wouldn't be, it wouldn't be an unfamiliar thing. You know, you, you'd hear your parents fighting, and you just go off into a corner and just go down to your friends. You wouldn't, you know, we just happen. It was a regular thing. Like it was. That's how it is. And it wasn't just for me, it was like friends was the same too. So.
Kevin Donaldson:So you did you did you rally around that? Did you ever talk about it with your friends? Like, Father, were into it last night?
Amanda Coleman:We would talk about but it would be you'd kind of brush over? We tend not to delve into it because it would I guess it's like everything else. It's a defense mechanism. You know what I mean? You just didn't talk about what's gonna be embarrassing for you also? No, no, like, it was kind of because it was what it was everyone was the same who we the circles that we all moved in. Nearly all of the fathers were the same. So it was it was weird how it was, you know?
Kevin Donaldson:And what was what was the profession? What did you would your father do for painter and decorator? Who was a painter and decorator? And was that comment? Like, what was the common trades around? There was a factory work? Or was it a bar? Yeah, yeah. Which will drive you insane. You know, not to defend your father. I'm not. I don't want to do that. But that stuff will drive you insane. Do the same thing over and over every day. Yeah, I can't imagine it. So how long did it go on for
Amanda Coleman:she left him when she I think I think it was between one and a half to when she left for good for God forbid that my grandfather and my I think it was my Uncle Johnny went up to get my mom out of the house. They knew that he had been there so bad, she locked herself in a room with cattle just to hear my bottles. She locked herself in the room and my grandfather got wind of the ward. And he drove down to skerries, which is like, it's miles away. In them days, because they didn't have you know, like, decent roads. It was all back roads, bendy little roads. So it was it was quite a distance. But um, they went and they ended up taking my mom out the house. I'm surprised
Kevin Donaldson:you're your uncle's didn't do anything physically, to your father.
Amanda Coleman:Then my uncles, like my mom comes from a family of seven kids. And the older ones were kind of married doing their own thing. It was Johnny, Johnny and Paul would have been the youngest ones. And they would have been, you know, in and around the house more often. But they were young than they would have been still young. You know? But um, yeah, they they went my grandfather had a mother who, basically
Kevin Donaldson:so there was a story that I was I was told my my grandfather's sister, her husband, Peter. Yeah. And the only and I heard this from my cousin. The only stuff the only thing that nobody knows what was said, my grandfather is pretty tough guy. We've nobody knows what was said. But they know he took them in the back room and had and shut the door. And when he came out, he's They said he was white as a ghost. And he never touched his sister again. So I don't know what happened in there. But I always know that the brothers especially my grandfather's family, were Ultra protective of the women Ultra protective like, you know, they're happy for him. They it's not that they were jealous of their marriage or anything, but don't mistreat her, you know, mistreat her. And that's that's what I don't know. That bothers me a little bit. Nobody stood up and was her advocate.
Amanda Coleman:Yeah. Yeah. No,
Mike Failace:I mean, as she said, if all the guys well, not all, but most of them. Were doing it back then. Yeah. Here's the thing.
Kevin Donaldson:You're not cool if you don't get on the bus.
Amanda Coleman:But yeah, she left when she left there. We lived in a little area that was like three rows of cottages like so. It was a really small, you know, community. Everybody knew everybody's business. So it was shameful for her to be a single mom. And we were living in a trailer at the back of my my my nan's next door neighbors house we were we were in the background. And it was pretty bad like because we were broke as for everybody in Ireland, them was poor. It didn't matter if you were working and why everybody was everyone was broke. So there wouldn't have been heating in there, there wouldn't have been, you know, she used to put coats over us to keep us warm. That sort of thing.
Kevin Donaldson:When you're a young child at this time, yeah. Yeah. Is is does it become normal?
Amanda Coleman:Yeah, it does. You don't think about it? You know?
Mike Failace:I mean, if that's the way you're grown up, you don't normally
Amanda Coleman:you don't know any better. Exactly, yeah. And even in today's world, I only had this discussion with somebody there the other day, and I was like, before, like Ireland was always a nation where we would emigrate everywhere. Because we were a very poor country. You know, poverty, we were poverty stricken, but everybody was the same. You know, it was, it was rare that you'd know, somebody that would have enough money to immigrate to America or wherever. So, people were kinder to each other, though, we always looked out for each other. You know what I mean? Everybody was in the same boat. And it wasn't a case of Keeping Up with the Joneses or whatever. It was just everybody was just, we all have like a mutual understanding with each other. If one needed a slice of bread, you'd bring them over slice of bread if one needed a cup of sugar. You know, that's that's how it was. And people were just much nicer people than what they are now.
Mike Failace:And then that's just because money spoils everything it does. It's a real rally, but you need it to survive. You need it to survive, but yeah, you're playing this ketchup game with everybody likes Keeping Up with the Joneses. Yeah,
Amanda Coleman:exactly. We joined the EU then probably I think I want to say it was
Kevin Donaldson:fruit that's the European Union. I just want to translate Irish thanks. I speak Irish. We got to spell stuff out for him. Amanda. Look at that.
Amanda Coleman:Funny actually it's the blank expression on your faces
Kevin Donaldson:that's him thinking.
Amanda Coleman:Trying to come back with a comeback it's just not happening.
Mike Failace:Trying to work MC something in there isn't like the main thing. I don't get that like
Kevin Donaldson:MC MC is the slang term No, you know for Irish here and yeah, you know, but I think that's
Amanda Coleman:that's an insult. I mean, Jason.
Mike Failace:I'm just thinking like make like a last name like a McSorley or something like that. You know, nice Irish name I get throw out there but
Kevin Donaldson:McCoy sort McSorley's is a bar Exactly. McSorley's is a bar around
Mike Failace:here all right. And Irish bar in New York mix aureus.
Kevin Donaldson:So how long did you live in a trailer for?
Amanda Coleman:I actually think I was about house. I maybe six when we got a house. It was a little bungalow from the government is the the you know, social housing. And so we moved we moved to a place called New Grove in Dublin. So as much as there was bad memories there, and it was the best time. The best time of my childhood was then. I know that sounds were in the cottage. In the little carpet. Yeah.
Kevin Donaldson:Yeah. It was it was because of friends around or was it fresh was peaceful?
Amanda Coleman:Yeah, friends. Yeah. And you had a heat. And we had well, yeah, we had we we had an open fire. That's what we had an open fire.
Kevin Donaldson:You had an open fire and plumbing. Yes. Okay. So that's the big one is better
Amanda Coleman:than no heat. No, no,
Kevin Donaldson:no, he, oh, my gosh, and it gets gets a little chilly over to be freezing.
Amanda Coleman:But like she's my mom would have us. In fairness. She used to put it into the bed wrap up like a mummy couldn't move. Like we're like this and the bed. sheets, blankets. Everything after empty, you know?
Kevin Donaldson:Well, so you were all your mother had at that time? Yeah. So least she looked after you. Yeah. You know, being a woman who is technically looking looked at as being disgraced. You know, she could have given up. Yeah, she chose to fight through it. She had little ones to look after. Yeah.
Amanda Coleman:And she had her own journey as well. Like, aside from everything else, she had her own her own thing going on as well. So it's only like, did she work at all? Yeah, she used to be a factory worker. And when she met my father, but then he wouldn't allow her work. And it was kind of like, not their own thing. And my mom was a lover and they stay home and give me Yeah, pretty much. So it was like, clean get beaten. Yeah, it's like, you know, if she was afraid that if she went to work, the men would be looking at her.
Kevin Donaldson:Obviously, the good times didn't last. When did it start to go down a little bit?
Amanda Coleman:I suppose from an early kind of stage where you don't even you don't at the time, you don't even realize that it's gone down. It's only when you look back. That you know was slow progression. Yeah, right. So we were we were always broke and what my mom's friends would come over the brain drink and then be parties and you know, you'd wake up with strange people in the house and bottles on the floor and all that kind of stuff.
Kevin Donaldson:You said your mother was pretty was a guy's coming in and out. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Good for her.
Amanda Coleman:Now it's grand. I was like, No
Kevin Donaldson:she's got a she's got to cope somehow. And I guess that's did she turn any unhealthy coping mechanisms to get her
Amanda Coleman:drinking drinking time?
Kevin Donaldson:What was the drink of choice? Bacardi. I was person drinking
Mike Failace:Bacardi Hardy. Karate was our thing. What? Jameson? No.
Kevin Donaldson:Oh, that's that's expensive stuff. Tell us more rotgut whiskey. Stuff used to drink in college. You know, that's, that's what you got to drink. So where did you guys go from there.
Amanda Coleman:It was where she grew up. She grew up my sister was that. And they all went to school together and what happened? And he came into our lives again, he always had a thing from your mom. And in actual fact, the night before she got married, he asked her not to marry him. And, and told her to her father, her father told her not to marry him. When she married him anyway, just because, you know, it's rebellion thing to do. Why
Kevin Donaldson:was she a young woman? Or? Yeah, when she was 19 when she got married? The second time or the first time?
Amanda Coleman:She only got married? Okay, yeah. Oh, well,
Kevin Donaldson:your father. She he? He said not to marry. Okay. All right. I understand. I understand that. But what about was there? Was there another long term boyfriend coming in?
Amanda Coleman:Yeah, it was Eddie was always there, which is my sister's that your sisters. But that was again, that was a volatile relationship. That was the same. It would be he was great. or so in fairness, it's weird to say that because there will be the beaten. And we would get beaten to boss. It was the most stable. We had been. And we had more than we ever had. And he had a great job. And, you know, he always looked after us, like his own. So even to this day, I have I have an overhead, you know, even though we went through some shit when I'm so
Kevin Donaldson:well, there's a difference between disciplining your children and beating them children. Yeah. You know, and I'm not saying what he did was either way or the other. But kids know that, like kids pick up on that stuff. Yeah. You know, when you're just a sadistic son of a bitch. versus somebody who's trying to set those kids on the right path?
Amanda Coleman:Yeah. Well, you see, it was it was kind of weird because he would, he would treat me with the discipline and things. But my brother, my older brother, he was David was always he's pretty messed up. From a young age.
Kevin Donaldson:He got thrown up against a wall. Yeah.
Amanda Coleman:So he will, he was always like the rebellious kid. And he was always, you know, in trouble in school wouldn't do any work in school. At eight when he was eight, the police was knocking on the door because you you don't break somebody's window. You know, he was always an angry kid. Like he was an angry kid. And yeah, we just like it was weird, because he was a lovable kid as well. You know, he had a really loving side to him with his family. But he just had like this troublesome streak in him that no matter what you did what, um, he would never, he would never listen, he would never, you know, he'd always do his own thing.
Kevin Donaldson:Do you think that in all fairness, do you think that had to do with what how your father treated him?
Amanda Coleman:Or actually what even saw? Yeah, pretty much, pretty much what that attributed to his his way as well. You know, he got progressively worse.
Kevin Donaldson:I was reading this article the other day about most, most it was saying how most adult mental issues, most adult mental issues stem from childhood trauma.
Mike Failace:Yeah. Which is going on understand it?
Kevin Donaldson:I think so. I think so. Me too. Yeah. So that your brother gets Did you ever get locked up? Or they just came in? Yeah.
Amanda Coleman:Well, he got into Dooby. Like he was he was two weeks locked. In the room, Josh. Was that was enough to scare the living shit out. I've had no
Mike Failace:shirt himself out after a while he didn't he didn't David for the most part.
Amanda Coleman:He was he was David was kind of like this kid that always, always wanted to prove himself to his mates. Even if it meant taking the blame for them. You know, he always had to be the big man. Maybe it was because he never had that stable man in his life. You know that that whole? I don't know. The only way I can think of it.
Mike Failace:Did you always have to try to prove himself to your father? Yeah, because that's that's probably what it from if he could never prove himself to his father. He was
Amanda Coleman:trying to prove himself to everybody. Because we were kind of shown upon as much as my, my grandparents were there. They weren't like our family, our family kind of because my mom was she was separated. And because we were doing our own thing she was she Keep a show of hands. And so where are we as kids?
Kevin Donaldson:So you know what, though, that makes it kind of makes sense. You know? I believe that if I'm going to get blamed for something, I'm gonna going to do it. Yeah. You know, so if you're going to look down on me, Well, screw you. I'm gonna go do and give you a reason to look down on me. Yes, I'm gonna give you a reason. So I think, you know, looking back and I don't know your brother and but I can only theorize that that might be one of the reasons that he did it. Yeah. Yeah. And did he ever straighten his life out?
Amanda Coleman:He did. He did. He, David was, I want to say he was 17. He got in a spot of bother again. And he he thought he was going to be locked up in big boys prison this time. And so he went on the run, he went over to the UK. And eventually he came back and he turned himself in there, my family, my family, they're in law enforcement. But the cops had a great relationship with him. It was weird. Because he was always in trouble. He was always had probation officers from the time he was young, all the way. All right. So they, yeah, they had they actually loved him, you know, and, sadly, David died in 93. But they gave him a Garda escort for his funeral and everything
Kevin Donaldson:real really? Yeah. They lost a lot of business that.
Amanda Coleman:No, he had, like he was he was doing so well. He was, you know, he was he was working. He moved to my nan's. He was working, he had got trials for the Dublin team, which is huge for us. It's I suppose, like one of your American football teams, right? Only it's Irish football. And, and then he was at he went out in the car, one Sunday night, and his car hit a tree. And David was the passenger in a car and he didn't have a seatbelt on. So he went out the back window. So David died that night.
Mike Failace:That's, that's tough.
Kevin Donaldson:That's a horrible thing. And how old were you when David David passed? 17 he was 19 9019. But you so Did, did your mother ever get get you know, you're in the house. Now. She's She's working? Did she sort of straightened everything out? She No, no,
Amanda Coleman:no, no, there was like, because her relationship was on and off all the time, my sisters that at this stage my sister had come along. And their relationship with Liza as I said, it was always on and off. And and eventually we moved. The house that we ran was too small, it was a two bedroom place. And in Ireland, if you're in social, social housing, you can't it was against the law to have like boys and girls sleep together if there were over a certain age. So we got transferred to a three bedroom place, which was where we grew up, where we were my Nana's from where all our families from. So we got a place there. And then life just kind of got a bit crazy. I sadly, will only say, I think Yeah. I was abused by a family member from the age of I was nine until I was 13. So and so that was that was that was tough one because you know your kids
Kevin Donaldson:takes a mental toll on you. Do
Amanda Coleman:you blame yourself? You think it's your fault? You know that that's just most victims do? Yeah, it's a given. So you you never speak about it? You know, you don't you don't say anything to anybody. So
Kevin Donaldson:so the we have some little bit of experience in this. Because one of our guests Clark, Frederick's was in here. And he was he was raped when he was 12. And the playbook that these people who do this stuff is almost the same. Like I bet they they soften you up with certain touching and you know, it's a progress. It's not just, it's yeah, it's growing. It's not just grab you and go to town. It's it's a progression. Until one day, it happens. And it's a family member, too. It's not even like it's a family friend or somebody outside the family. It's somebody that you have to look at all the time. Exactly.
Mike Failace:Surely somebody looked up to Yes.
Kevin Donaldson:Now, like, what, how did you deal with that? Just just got on it. There's no residual effects. Like I'm sure you've had residual effects from it.
Amanda Coleman:Yeah. But it's like, I'm one of these people. I don't even know where I get this mindset from, I suppose. When I look back on my mom's life, and I see where she's at now, when I look back at it, and I think to myself, do I want to be the victim? Or do I not, you know, do I want to be the victim or so I don't look back and even I'll true and you know, my story so like, even all through my life. I never look in that rearview mirror unless I have to. There's something that that brings me back there that I have to, because if you do that, it's one it's beat me. You know, I'll be damned if I like
Mike Failace:what's the one saying that the front windshield is bigger than the rearview mirror? That's true. So keep looking forward. Keep
Amanda Coleman:going and sometimes And I suppose, because there was always for me it was always repeated trauma. So you were you never really had time to process what happened prior to to what your experience?
Mike Failace:Was it like a daily or weekly thing like that? Or was it a one time issue?
Amanda Coleman:No, no, no, it went on for years. It went on like from but it wasn't it wasn't a constant. It wasn't a constant. i In fairness, I stayed away. I stayed away on purpose.
Kevin Donaldson:Your mother never got any inkling that this was happening. Does she know now? Yes, she does. Yeah. Which did she believe it? Yes. Really? I'm surprised to hear that. Because most of the time when that happens that they don't believe it. Yeah, no, she she believed that she believed that. Was it possible that maybe she was Yeah. What is sin? What is sin? I don't I just don't understand. It's a it's a bent gene and people it's got to be you know, it's it's a sickness. Or it's a power thing. And you know, I can't think like that, thankfully. I can't think like them. And there's a special place in hell for those people. There is a take the innocence innocence of children. There is
Mike Failace:it's called Ireland. Sorry, get back on. Sorry.
Kevin Donaldson:Once again, Mike throws in. Two for two on that one, man. I could have nobody else in here with Child Sexual Abuse ever. They're just gonna be like, No, Mike's gonna break my job. Take one of my trauma,
Mike Failace:pluck with a beat my ass. She may jump over today and be my esto I don't know. But
Kevin Donaldson:Amanda is only five foot tall. Like six packs a punch though. He's a big dude. But when did it end? Like what happened that it stopped.
Amanda Coleman:I actually told somebody in my family and a cousin, I told. And she went and told, I don't know if she told her dad. But she told my other uncle who was very close to her that. My Yeah, so I was questioned about it. I denied it. And then the person said to me, they kept drumming up me. You told you told the secret. Why did you tell? You know? So? That was my cue to stay the hell away?
Kevin Donaldson:Did they arrest him?
Amanda Coleman:No, no, no, no, it was brushed under the carpet. It was like I was a lawyer. I was the lawyer. Really? Yeah. Yeah.
Kevin Donaldson:How? God thank God. You know, that's one of the I say a lot of the progression we made as a society as a as a global race of people. Is in is is not always in a good direction. But the fact that victims of childhood sexual abuse are believed now. Yes. Is one of the progresses that are such a good thing. Yeah. Such a good thing. Yeah, exactly. So you stayed away. How was the rest of your childhood? Terrible. Terrible. Tell us another fun story.
Mike Failace:Do we have commercial?
Amanda Coleman:It's like, I met I met a boy. I was I was dating a boy for about a year. And he was always, you know, trying to learn at this stage. I was 15. Of course,
Kevin Donaldson:he's always trying to get it in 15 year old boy,
Amanda Coleman:I wasn't I wasn't having a bar. But though, you know, I just wasn't. And he used to embarrass me. It always called I used to, for some reason. I always used to wear white. I have no clue what he used to call me as Belgian and white in front of people. And it was embarrassing, like, you know, because he didn't know where to look mortified. Especially in old Ireland. It was like, in them days it was it was yeah, it's not like what it is now. People didn't talk about sex, right? So yeah, he, I went out with him for about a year. And then we broke up. And then he called me and where I lived. So it's hard to explain. So I live near the airport. And as I said, we were like three little rolls of cottages in the middle of an industrial estate. Right? So there was all factories built the whole way around. And then when you walked up, you had sanitary Stadium, which is the national sports stadium and at the back of that was all like what we will call the ghetto what you will call the ghetto. Right? It was a place called Bali moon. And it was rough. Like the like view thought you were poor the people in ballymore for worse way worse off than you were four. Yeah, right. So but it was drugs and it was alcohol and it was just it was a horrible place. It's all high rise buildings and and it was just it was ugly. And yeah, so I broke up with him. And then one day he called me and he said can you come up can you come over and I was like, Sure yeah, I said what what's opening was like, I want to get back together in LA so me being me, skips on over to walks up. I'll never forget it was in November and I freezing cold and not cooled. wear a coat right? So I had like two jumpers on. I was layering and awful by rent. And I met him. And he had a pitbull bullmastiff was that was the one with a big nose bullmastiff Oh man. He had one of them when I'm, and it was he was his friends doc, but his friend lived in one of the high rise buildings. And he was minding his place for him and looking after the dark. So he's a command is that when you walk up, I have to go feed the dog. And I was like, Yeah, sure, whatever. So and we were talking, everything seemed normal. And then we went into the I was the 14th floor of a tower called Joseph Blanca tower in volume one, and we walked in and it was a dingy little place. And the door I remember the door right in front was the bedroom. The door was open, and there was nothing but a mattress on the floor and like a chest of drawers in the corner with a mirror on top. And there was like a butcher's belt across top of it. And he says, Oh, this is my friend's place. He's a butcher lalalala. So I was like Brando, whatever. He says, Come on in. So it wouldn't be it wouldn't have been a bad thing to go in and sit with someone and kiss them like it was that, you know, in my mind's eye, we were getting back together, right? And then he walked over to the chest, the door, and he pulls out a knife about this size. And he said to me, he said you never gave you never gave it to me. He says but I'm gonna take now. And he put the knife to me throw. And he got on top of me. And he raped me that day. It was pretty shitty. Yeah, it Elise and that it didn't end there. Like so the dog was barking on the balcony, all the things that go through your mind, right? So I remember him being on top of me. I remember. Just all I could hear every noise around everything. It's weird. It's like you don't know from what he's doing. And you're just thinking about what's around you, right? So the dog is outside and it's bark. And so he he eventually gets up and goes out to the dog. And as he does that, I jumped off trove, pulled back up your pants and went out the door. And I'm trying to get down the lift before he came back out. So I get down the lift. And I started to run. I ran from Joseph Blanca tower and down past century stadium, and it was our woodlands. So I'm running past there. And next of all, I hear him behind me and he's called me. And he has the dog with him. And he set the dog up for me. Wow. Yeah.
Kevin Donaldson:It's an insult to injury. Yeah.
Amanda Coleman:The dog lock locked onto locked onto my arm. And thank God he'd had the three jumpers on, because he didn't you know, he was stood there laughing at me. And then he caught the dog. Ah. So it was yeah, it was, again, it's like, what in your mind's eye you're saying what am I actually doing to have this happen?
Mike Failace:Continue to do I like asking for it. Right? Yeah. Am I doing something?
Amanda Coleman:Exactly. Right. So it was just it was it was horrible.
Kevin Donaldson:That that that is horrible. And I'm sorry that happened to you? Because no human being on Earth deserves half of what you just described. Nobody. I don't care what even if you said Hey, come here and brutalize me, and still don't deserve it. No, don't deserve it.
Amanda Coleman:But that wasn't the end of him. Like it was weird, right? So I told my best friend. I told my best friend Diane, and I stayed in her place that night. I know. Sorry. It was that weekend, I stayed in her place. And the follow up. That was the following weekend. And we were in bed we were asleep. And next of all, her mom walked in the door. And she said, You need to go home and I was like, why what's wrong? And she says, Oh, your want your mom wants hear something. David rang, you need to go home and I was like, Okay. And we only live like five doors off. So I run into the house. And when I run in, my brother is sitting there drinking. And he's sitting there drinking too. And he told my brother that I had slept with him willingly. So my brother was now thinking, you know, he wasn't mad at me. He was like, see, this is the weird thing. He was like, I just heard that you had sex with him. And I was like, I just ran out. I didn't know even know where to look, you know? So and again, in your mind's eye, you're just going to yourself, nobody is going to believe you. Okay, nobody is going to believe you. You know,
Mike Failace:I believe you the first time. Exactly. So,
Amanda Coleman:you know i You just didn't say it. So eventually I told David but David he was like he was a young man like he's he's going around getting his jump on. So he liked
Kevin Donaldson:us much better way to say goodness jump. Get my jump on tonight.
Amanda Coleman:So he but Dave at this time, David Was he was smoking hash hash was a big deal then, like you're gonna, you're talking about the 80s. Right? So it's a big deal, then he was smoking hash, and he would blackmail me to give him my pocket money so that, you know, he could go out and buy his his five spot or whatever. And he used to say that he told me, ma'am that I had sex with thing, and that was that nearly destroyed me because I didn't want more. You know, you're being
Mike Failace:blackmailed by your own brother. Yeah. Yeah. Or were being raped by your brother's friend?
Kevin Donaldson:Yes. Well, yeah. Well, so did it. Did it lead to some later unhealthy relationships? Because of me for you know, for your brother
Amanda Coleman:money it did. Well, it did. And it didn't. You know, I guess, when you've been hurt that much, you know, you tend to only thing you know, you callous, but it wasn't that you were going around and purposely, you know, seeking out people or anything like that. It was you looked for love, all you wanted was affection. You didn't you know, you wanted genuine love that you weren't getting with your own family. So like your, your, you know, your brother's black man and you your mom is in and out. She's doing her own thing at this stage. And he was in and out they were fighting all the time. You know, when you did little sister to look after and it was just it was just a really weird time. So I never really had a serious relationship until things got progressively worse. And that relationship me entering that relationship was just looking for, for comfort looking for love.
Kevin Donaldson:And I imagined the first person to
Mike Failace:showed you that attention or fame
Kevin Donaldson:on even if it wasn't genuine you doesn't matter. It's what you perceive. The funniest guys
Mike Failace:could fake it.
Amanda Coleman:Yeah, exactly. That's true.
Kevin Donaldson:I faked every orgasm. From a popular movie. The Naked Gun. Oh, yeah. You're in a police world. So you know the Naked Gun.
Mike Failace:Nice beaver.
Kevin Donaldson:So you got married at a young age?
Amanda Coleman:Um, no, I didn't. My life got a little bit worse after my mom. She met an American. She he was a pilot. And she was smitten by him like she you know, she left like her and Eddie completely finished. Because Howard was no whole world. So he, the relationship was gone. He was always over and open. He was always blown into Dublin. And he then asked her to go to the States. So she did. And she left us on her own for three months.
Kevin Donaldson:He was an American. He's an American. Yeah, dirty Americans. You gotta can't trust
Amanda Coleman:him. No. But yeah, so she went over, she went over to America for three months now you're
Kevin Donaldson:only protection. And what little protection there was that your only protection from this horror that you've experienced throughout your life is now in another country? Yeah.
Mike Failace:Now your only protection error is your brother who was blackmailing you? Yeah. To begin with.
Amanda Coleman:And then he David was getting so bad like he was sniffing glue. He was I found them under a gas bottle. You know, he had sniff gas and passed out. And he was even aerosol cans. I don't even know what he was. I don't even know what you do with that kind of thing.
Kevin Donaldson:Yeah, there's some people I know that you should do that often. Nicole help. And some people will put paint in a sock and they'll do it that way. And it's not much higher than gold or silver mouth, you know?
Mike Failace:So it was something about the gold and silver. Yeah, so like,
Kevin Donaldson:I guess it was better. But yeah, that's that's that was the thing. That's pretty big thing over here. Because it freezes your brain. Yeah. The aerosol freeze your brain gives you a little bit of a high.
Mike Failace:Yeah, that's what happened to go ahead.
Amanda Coleman:Then David got into it with me. We had a fight and he hit me really bad. Like, when I was I was winded for oh my god, I was I was in a lot of pain.
Kevin Donaldson:So now you're getting abused by yet another man. Yeah.
Amanda Coleman:So my uncle, my Uncle Johnny, he came over, I call them Johnny come over and he took me out the house. And I stayed with him. My sister was already with stainmore dad, but David was there on his own so I would go into the grocery shop and and give me a list and I go to shopping to the shop and I'm looking at why is there all this cleaning products. The house was filthy, right? Like why why are you asking me for all this? That's when I realized what he was doing with the cleaning products right. So Um, yeah, so eventually my mom came home. And, and I can't you know what, there's a part of it I kind of I don't even know if I purposely blank it out. I don't know. It's just kind of really foggy. But there was there was times that David, David Wood, David tried to slit his wrists twice. And my mom, she used to get herself so drunk that she would shake pills on me, you know, threatened to kill herself all the time. So I would jump out on the bed run down, knock the pills out her hand, and just try and stop it, you know. And as time went on, more and Howard split up, sort of. And anyway, she she ended up saying that she was going to take the pills, and I said, you know, why? Just do it. I said, I'm done. I was a kid. I was like, you know, I didn't had enough. I was between David between my mom, it was just like, it was horrible. So Little did I know, she did take the pills. And I found her that morning. That was That was horrible. She was she was on death's door. So, um, that that was kind of Howard had heard that my mom was in that state. So he flew back over from America. And they got back together and, and everything seemed okay for a while. And then he asked her to go back to America again. So in doing that, she she says, sure. She said, but I'm not happy leaving Amanda here. At this stage, David was in trouble with the police again, he had to run over to England. And my sister was working with her dad. So my mom, we were because we were in social housing. We were in a three bedroom house. My mom wanted me to move into this little apartment in ballymore in the ghetto. Right, but it was kind of in the nicest part together, the nice part of a one bedroom place, so she got home. And so that that was my sister's, uncle's girlfriend, that we were transparently. And my mom packed everything. She went to America that night. And because it was a social house, and everybody knew me, Mom was gone away. Everyone was fighting for that house for their own family on the street. They all wanted the house. So a massive fight broke out on the street. And I was thrown into a van. And I was I was brought to Bali one in backup to the flats again. To a stranger's house, I'd never I'd never met these people before. They were hurt. The girl my mom was supposed to transfer with it was her cousin, I think. And there was two grown men, a woman and five children in a two bedroom rungy school Austin, flat like and so I was waiting to find out what was going on with our house. To me, I was still going to go to, to the, the place we were supposed to move to and and then they came open. They said No, everything is gone. So they took every belonging that we had. And I don't know whether what happened to know I had not got a stitch of clothing, nothing. Everything was gone. Whatever
Kevin Donaldson:was on your back. But yeah, you know what, Amanda? We can't do this on one episode. No, we cannot do this on one episode. There's too much here. There's way too much because we haven't even gotten gotten to the root of everything. We haven't even gotten to the whole reason what'd you do now? You know,
Mike Failace:we didn't get through. I mean, we didn't even get through our suffering. Nevermind, you know, yeah. How she came through her suffering?
Kevin Donaldson:Would you be willing to come back next week so we can finish this up and fly back from Ireland. Just go home. I'm here for a bit. Take a nap. Come back. You know, we're gonna finish this up on the next episode. And we're gonna get into this. So that's gonna do it for this episode of the suffering podcast. We're not even going to talk about the stuff that we learned. We learned that Amanda had a really shitty childhood. Okay, that's beyond compare. Tune in next week. And you're gonna you're not gonna want to miss this one. Because, you know, we're going to learn how to man to comes out of this, because it's a remarkable story. So once again, that's gonna do it for this episode of the suffering podcast, part one of the suffering of Irish Angel Amanda Coleman. Follow us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter, follow the suffering podcast. Follow Mike at Mike underscore fleece. Follow me real Kevin Donaldson and follow blue Irish angel on Instagram. And we're gonna see you on the next episode of the suffering podcast.
